Hardwood Paroxysm

I'm At The Edge Of A New Frontier

2009-01-20T02:33:00.001-06:00

YOU SHOULD CLICK HERE NOW.

Goodbye, Blogspot, and thanks for all the fish.

I Am Blown Away.

2009-01-19T13:49:00.001-06:00

A big thanks to Ryne, friend of the HP family, at SLAM.

15 Footer 1.19.09

2009-01-19T13:24:00.003-06:00

This Is Going To Be Kind Of An Insane Week

2009-01-18T22:59:00.001-06:00

I'm just warning you now. Your HP world? About to be rocked. To the core.

But as a warmup, in place of the linkdumps, which are too long because there is too much NBA awesomeness on the blogosphere, I give you our link-driven Tumblr.

http://hardwoodparoxysm.tumblr.com

Donnie Nelson Turns Nothing Into Something

2009-01-16T22:26:00.005-06:00

I have some fond memories of the Mavs' 2006 run to the Finals, and there is no doubt that DeSagana Diop was an essential cog in that team. But when the two-headed center that the Mavs employed suddenly transformed into a one headed center tied to a head-shaped doorstop, things got ugly. So from Dallas' perspective, it makes perfect sense to ship Diop to Charlotte in exchange for Matt Carroll and contract filler Ryan Hollins.

Dirk and Brandon Bass both present considerable defensive problems when they're forced to defend the post. That's where Diop was supposed to add to this Mavericks team. Needless to say, that hasn't exactly been the case. Diop is one helluva soldier in regard to his unwillingness to act up or cause problems when faced with limited playing time, but unfortunately, that is where my compliments of Diop's season end. He's always been an offensive liability and it seemed like his D had finally caught up. He struggled to defend stronger foes and really has problems with the pick and roll. He doesn't have the foot speed to keep up with centers when they step out, and watching him try to guard a point guard on the switch is a bit like watching a cat chase his own tail. It's harsh, I know, but the time for niceties is long past for the Mavs. Now, it's about finding the right guys for Coach Carlisle's attack, and that directive is executed beautifully with the acquisition of Matt Carroll.

Dirk, Jason Terry, and Jason Kidd are excellent at opening up the corners for their teammates. Devean George (28.9%), James Singleton (14.3%), Gerald Green (29.4%), and Antoine Wright (25.6%)have gotten plenty of open looks from the corners. And plenty of those opportunities have ended up with a shot that makes me vomit in my mouth, ever so slightly. Green could get there, and damn do I want him to, but for the time being he's a sparkplug at best and a 'factory which has the sole purpose of manufacturing turnovers' at worst. The rest of the crew ain't bad (Well, except for Singleton. Sweet rebounder, but I wouldn't mind if I never saw him take another three.), but they're not good enough for a team that wants to shoot as often as the Mavs do. The idea is that with Carroll in the corners, the offense could really open up. He's having a down year that would make Larry Hughes blush, but he's also a career 40.3% shooter from deep -- nothing to scoff at.

The perk of this trade is that there is virtually no downside. Diop was playing marginal minutes anyway, and a combination of Bass and Singleton will likely fill in the gaps. But beyond that, I see two pretty big advantages for the Mavs:

Yes, Caroll is owed $21.5 million over the next five years. But that contract is also front-weighted, meaning that his $5 million salary for 2008-2009 is as high as it gets. In the heavily asterisked summer of 2010, Carroll will be on the books for just $4.3 mil. Not bad at all, especially when compared to Gana's $32 million deal over the same five years ($6.5 in 2010).
Suppose that Carroll throws up a brick fest during his time with the Mavs, continues his tear of 2008-2009 sucktitude, and becomes a complete waste of space. Carlisle has shown that he isn't shy about jerking around minutes, and he simply won't play Carroll if he doesn't deserve it. Be it in practice or in games, Matt Carroll is going to have to earn every minute he plays in a Maverick uniform.

Ryan Hollins is a non-factor that was likely included for salary/warm bodies that play the center position reasons.

To some extent, I do feel bad for the Bobcats. They can use the frontcourt depth, but since the summer I've felt like the trade game could turn into a hot potato game of Diop's contract, and my money says the music just cut out. Game over man, game over. Enjoy paying a back-up big enough money to cripple your free agent plans, guys.

Two-Month-Old Fetus Officially Decreed to be NCAA 'Prospect'

2009-01-16T21:49:00.003-06:00

WASHINGTON, D.C. (HP) -- After Thursday's controversial decision to extend 'prospect' status to seventh graders passed by virtue of an NCAA vote, the NCAA's follow-up vote on Friday also classified unborn fetuses with a minimum of two months of maturation as 'prospects.'

The decision was made to buck a trend in which some college coaches were intentionally spreading their seed and/or offering to foot the bill for the baby mama's expenses. "The fact that we've got to this point is really just a sign of the times." said Joe D'Antonio, chairman of the 31-member Division I Legislative Council. D'Antonio is certainly not alone in his views, but after numerous photo leaks that showed coaches holding and even kissing young infants, the council considered this a problem that needed to be nipped in the bud.

"It may seem harmless, but by speaking to the fetus through the mother's stomach or playing a school fight song while the unborn child rests, a coach can have considerable influence over an unsuspecting, captive audience," said a NCAA source that wished to remain anonymous.

Schools had also expressed concern that the elite pre-birth basketball skills camps and workshops were giving participating coaches a recruiting advantage, pressuring other coaches to conduct similar camps.

15 Footer 1.16.09

2009-01-16T15:13:00.002-06:00

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

Yeah, and If Wishes Were Horses We'd All Be Eatin' Steak (New York at Washington):

I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison could play well, together, for one fricking game. I wish Nate Robinson would be more consistent. I wish Andre Blatche would stop getting people's hopes up. I wish David Lee would make the All-Star team. I wish Gilbert would come back. I wish Jared Jeffries would move to Fiji. I wish Brendan Haywood wouldn't be so damn important to the Wiz. I wish for Wilson Chandler could amaze me every single night. Yeah.

Round 2...FIGHT! (San Antonio at Philadelphia):

The Sixers have rattled off five straight wins over some pretty solid teams (Houston, Atlanta, and Portland, especially), and are on what can only be described as a tear. Their last loss was to none other than tonight's opponent, a 2 point heartbreaker at the hand's of the world's lamest game winner...by the hands of a turnaround prayer from Tony Parker. Damn you, Spurs. Damn you. At five games older and five games wiser, Philly will do their best to pummel a SanAn team that's likely still running on the adrenaline from the thriller in L.A. We're all pulling for you in this one, Sixers. You got robbed last time and these things have a tendency to work themselves out (well, sometimes...), so I hope you feel good about your karma.

A Long Time Ago, We Used to Be Friends (Toronto at Indiana):

Does the T.J. Ford-Jermaine O'Neal returning home subplot even count if both players are injured? T.J.'s been in and out with his recurring back soreness and O'Neal's absence has been completely eclipsed by Bargnani finding new joy in absolutely demolishing whoever is guarding him. But without the trade intrigue, this is just another game between two teams that are better than their records. Shallow as they are, the Raps should be in the playoffs. And defenseless as they are at times, the Pacers are far from incapable at that end if they just buckled down. Each disappointing in the own right, and each boasting a superhuman talent at forward. Bosh, Granger, Granger, Bosh. Let's dance.

When a Team Gets Too Good, You've Gotta Handicap 'Em (New Orleans at Cleveland):

No Delonte West, which as I explained earlier, really, really sucks for the Cavs. Tonight should be our first look at how Cleveland performs without its "catalyst," with the only mitigating factor being the fact that LeBron will be hungry for the taste of human flesh. Posey is the best shot that the Hornets have at slowing him down, but I wouldn't count on him stopping James without that fanged Celtics D helping him out from all angles. Even WITH the best defense in the league on his back LeBron was superhuman, so if he's motivated (and a loss to the Bulls should do wonders in that department), he is capable of doing more than enough to get the win. Chris Paul is too good at basketball, to the point that what I thought was a "decent" effort to contain him in-game turned out to be a triple double. Redonkulous.

Expect the Expected (Utah at Memphis):

The Thunder gave the Jazz the business, but don't go 'spectin them there Jazzers to git punked twice. Ya hear? See, I'm allowed to do that, 'cause I'm from Texas. Y'all.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that bad Grizz show up tonight, the Jazz are angry, and things get ugly early. Jerry Sloan doesn't take kindly to getting embarassed, and unfortunately the cubs will be on the receiving end of that rage.

Something Like This (Detroit at OKC):

I love the Thunder. I really do. But I've got a bad feeling about this.

I've Been Saving Myself For You (Minnesota at Phoenix):

Let me get this straight: Shaq wanted to do the three games in four nights routine, so he skipped out on the game before the routine so that he could be active against the TIMBERWOLVES? Terry Porter must think the world of McHale. Or maybe this whole team has just gone bonkers. While Kenyon Martin and Nene through down dunk after dunk last night, do you get the feeling that having the big fella around might've helped out just a teensy bit? The jury's still out, I'm sure. I'm not sure what makes this game more important than last night's overtimer with the Nuggets, but I would absolutely love to hear that explanation. By all means, Terry. The Wolves are playing their best ball of the season, and they've been surprisingly competitive since Foye's full-time move to the off-guard, but I fail to see the logic here.

Two Teams, One Goal: To Prove Me Wrong (Milwaukee at Sacramento):

While Michael Redd and Kevin Martin were sitting in bacta tanks, I may or may not have said something along the lines of these two teams being the most boring to watch in the NBA. At the very least, they put up quite a fight for the honor. But with Martin back to his usual, hyper-efficient business and Michael Redd doing some quality work off the radar, the Bucks and the Kings seem ready to spread their wings and leave the Clippers among the dredges of entertainment value in the lig. For the sake of all Bucks and Kings fans out there, here's to hoping that they prove me wrong.

More Unanswered Questions Than an Episode of Lost (Atlanta at Golden State):

One can only hope that as opposed to Lost, whatever basketball deity is residing over these two teams' fates has SOME semblance of a plan for how their narratives are going to unfold. Go die, J.J. Abrams.

Atlanta is a team that truly perplexes me. They were ridiculous for awhile, then kind of pedestrian, then pretty terrible, now pretty good...where exactly is this team going to be come April? They're certainly good enough to get into the playoffs, but is this team still a bonafide match-up nightmare for the Celtics? I know Horford's out, but is this still a team to fear on the defensive end? Are they making anybody shake in their boots when Joe Johnson isn't managing batshit insane production?

And on the other end of the spectrum: what exactly need to be done to right the ship for the Warriors? Nelson out? Maggette out? Everyone else out? I don't know of a more muddled, confusing roster with so many potential possibilities for both brilliance and utter failure. These are the Warriors as we know them.

Hey There, Mister Blue, We're So Pleased to Be With You (Orlando at LAL):

If the last Magic-Lakers game sets the precedent for this one, we should be in for one hell of a game. The name of the game for the magic is deep post presence and decisive penetration. This won't be the open shooting drill the Magic faced in Sactown, and they're going to need to get inside early and often to open up that outside game. The Lakers aren't exactly the Kings, and they won't have to immediately double Dwight inside unless he unleashes hell. Jameer Nelson will meet a worthy adversary in Fish, and Courney Lee/Bogans/Redick will have their work cut out for them with Kobe. Can't wait for this one.

Yi Jianlian and the Theater of the Absurd

2009-01-16T00:20:00.002-06:00

The "thrill of the hunt" is a pretty elemental part of human nature. We want what we can't have, and once we have it, pawing at it as it rests lifelessly in our mitts, it's just not all that interesting anymore.

It's in that vein that I'm a little confused by all of the backlash against the 'Yi for All-Star' cultural movement. Season after season we're bombarded by campaigns to get Antoine Walker, Stephon Marbury, or Eddy Curry into the game. None of those efforts came anywhere close to getting the league's laughing stocks in the front door. The point of those movements, aside from some cheap entertainment, is to prove that the system is broken. I mean, McGrady is one thing, but Starbury in Phoenix would make orphans cry and puppies die. So, I have to ask: if the point is to provide some comedy and prove the errors in the system, why aren't we all voting for Yi?

Is it because Yi isn't absurd enough to qualify for our particular brand of unintentional comedy? I mean, I doubt he would make David Stern squirm as much as Marbury would, and it wouldn't be quite as entertaining. But Yi's a pretty funny guy in his own right, though no fault of his own. He barely cracks double digit points on the season and he isn't exactly a bad player...he just happens to not be a very good one. It would still be pretty wacky to see him start over the likes of KG, Chris Bosh, and Danny Granger. And, it would probably be more than enough to at least warrant a damn good look at this fan voting thing.

Or, even more worrisome, is this an issue of who is voting our All-Stars into the game? We're all a bit taken aback by the prospect of some work-in-progress foreign forward sneaking his way into an unwarranted spot in our sacred game of stars, but there's an elephant in the room here that just can't be ignored. Asian is the new Euro, at least in terms of negative stereotypes. The domestic reaction is probably a combination of that negativity and the reluctance to yield power to the ever-influential Chinese population, which unnecessarily creates an us vs. them dynamic. We want Chris Paul. They want Tracy McGrady. We want Kevin Garnett. They want Yi Jianlian. Screw the reasons behind the vote; is casting a ballot on their terms any different (read: worse) than voting straight-ticket for your hometown team?

If we can get past our own insecurities, this could really be a good situation. Fan voting completely screws legitimate all-stars out of the blue ribbon and the camaraderie, but some kind of demonstrative action needs to put things over the top if we want an overhaul of the process. We wanted Starbury, we wanted Antoine, and we wanted Curry. So why is it that we're afraid of our wildest all-star dream gag becoming a reality?

Let's Put Some D-League In This Dunk Contest

2009-01-15T23:39:00.002-06:00

Look, it's not that I didn't think the short guy in the dunk contest wasn't cool. When they did it. And it's not that I didn't dig the awkward white dude. When they did it. And hey, I think Russell Westbrook and Rudy Fernandez could put on a show. But I've got a better idea for the fourth competitor.

I think you know where this is headed.

On the Friday before the All-Star game, the night before the Dunk Contest, the D-League will hold it's Dream Factory exhibition with a HORSE contest, a skills contest, and a dunk contest. Last year's winner, Brett Petway, narrowly edged out now-Clipper Mike Taylor. Here's one view. Here's another.

Now, I know these guys can't play defense like NBA starters can. They can't stay focused, knock down 18 footers, break the trap, or work the screen like NBA starters can. But dunking is different. It's a different animal, born from a different place than defensive rotations and curl screens. It's more emotive. And the guys in the D-League are going to have a whole different set of emotions.

Here's what you do. The D-League dunk contest winner is put into the actual dunk contest as a regular competitor. He isn't allowed to use any dunk used the night before. A league representative is there to check, and if he does, he's disqualified. This puts the advantage even more firmly in the hands of the NBA guys.

Imagine it. An undrafted rookie or a veteran journeyman who's bounced around in the dunk contest, trying to outdo Dwight Howard and Rudy Gay for the dunk title. It's a win-win situation for everyone involved. If the D-Leaguer fails, he'll probably fail miserably, cementing how superior a product the NBA is. Bloggers get to post video and mock him. And every year that the D-League guy doesn't pull it off, it starts the streak. So whenever someone gets close, they can flash that graphic.

"NO D-LEAGUE ENTRANT HAS EVER WON THE DUNK CONTEST."

And it builds suspense. So when someone actually does pull it off, it's a huge deal (if ever).

And think about that. What if he does well enough to warrant votes? America and the world will go bonkers for him! That's a fantastic story.

It hurts the league but not at all, lets them focus on the good players, and provides an instant story. There's nothing more ridiculous than the D-League, except for maybe the Dunk Contest.

Let's make this happen.

The Fracture Heard 'Round the World

2009-01-15T22:38:00.004-06:00

Delonte West fractured his right wrist, and Matt Moore hit me up on gchat: "This is really big. This changes the Cavs. A lot."

I'm willing to go a step further: this changes everything. On the surface, the Cavs lose an undersized starting two guard who would seem to be easily replaced by some combination of Sasha Pavlovic, Wally Szczerbiak, and Daniel Gibson. But he's more than that. Moore described him as a catalyst, and I think that's a fair description. When you tune in to The Muppet Show (not that you, y'know, would ever watch The Muppet Show), you expect to see Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzie, and Gonzo all working in harmony. Kermit is the motherf*cking star, and it's his show. But when there's no "wocka wocka wocka," everything just seems a little off. Everything that Mo Williams has done for this team on offense is magnified by West's passing and shooting abilities, and having a capable weapon that isn't a serious liability on either end. I wish I could say that the Cavs' improvement was because Wally or Sasha suddenly became more well-rounded players, but it's just not the case.

I'm going to put something out there that I've been trying to keep to myself for the last few weeks: prior to West's injury tonight, the Cavs were the best team in the NBA. I'm not exactly sure when it started, but I know for damn sure that this is where it ends. For now, at least. They showed that heads up against the Celtics, and they've been on a tear that even L.A. should be envious of. 2nd in the league in offensive efficiency. 1st in defensive efficiency. The best damn player in the league. A combination of undeniable penetration, great inside-out play, and defensive intensity. This team had something to prove going into this season, and though they still had their doubters, they've proven plenty to me.

But with Kobe v. LeBron just days away, West's injury significantly alters the league-wide landscape. Bummer. The Lakers are undeniably the team to beat with West and Big Z sidelined. So now we're looking at what I consider to be a 180 in regard to the expectations for Monday's match-up, from hotly contested slugfest to a Lakers walk-off. This team looked downright foolish against the Bulls, and were shown up on the defensive end by Rose getting deep into the lane and capitalizing on turnover after turnover. We've pretty much sent LeBron the MVP in a gift basket, filled with potpourri, summer sausage, and fresh in-season fruits, but the next few games should give us an interesting look at just how much his supporting cast does to help him out. It probably won't do anything to change my nonexistent, unimportant vote, and odds are that Delonte will only be out for a relatively short period of time. But with a loss to the Bulls already in the books, I'm eager to see what the shorthanded Cavs are capable of.

Hopefully the Beginning of Something Beautiful

2009-01-15T21:44:00.002-06:00

Sometimes, you read an interview that will rock you to the very core of everything you thought to be true. Rotoworld's interview with Stephen Malkmus is one of those. The fact that Malkmus is a fantasy basketball nut and can talk casually about Matt Barnes and Tyrus Thomas makes my year.

Take note, basketball world: these are the kinds of people that we want interviewed. Sure, Player X felt like "he was in a good rhythm tonight," and Coach Y is "really proud of his guys," but I'd much rather get some perspective from pop culture's most unexpected basketball fans.

(link via FreeDarko)

15 Footer 1.15.09

2009-01-15T10:57:00.004-06:00

Vince Carter is the New Jan Brady
Portland @ New Jersey - 7:30pm EST

Even Matt Moore has given it up to Vince-anity this year. He and Harris are, legitimately, one of the best backcourt duos in the league (well, sans Vince's lightswith defense). But he has been on a tear. The Nets are even holding on to that always valubale "sub-.500 record but we still have the 7th seed," um, 7th seed in the East. But Vince gets no love. People are more excited about Brook Lopez dropping 31 on the Thunder, Devin Harris hitting this, or sugraplum dreams about LBJ coming to town. Well, this is the one 15 Footer a year where we say "Well done, Vince." (what? I tried to leave the hate in 2008... temporarily, of course) Now watch out for Roy, Aldridge and Oden, as they want to eat you up and on their way to a winning East Coast road trip.

What's That? Oh, I'm Sorry. I Couldn't Hear You. I Was Too Busy Feating On Your Innards.
Cleveland @ Chicago - 8:00pm EST - TNT

This is the last rung in the ladder for Lebron. He has been torching competition this year. His team is, now, the odds on favorite to win the East. He has Kobe coming up this weekend. He is better than the entire Cleveland Browns. This is the last chance for him to tune his machine before the entire NBA blogosphere zeroes in their sights on what is being whispered about as "The Passing of the Torch." But the mark of true greatness is the ability to remain focused and not let your head or your heart leap ahead to the bigger game on the horizon.

In other news, Ty Thomas just found a 4 leaf clover, attached to a rabbit's foot, underneath a horseshoe. You are just the baked appetizer before the main course of Laker filet. Should be nice and painless. I also wouldn't be surprised if every single time Lebron wanted to shoot a jumper he ran right at Larry Hughes and launched them in his face. You know, just because... if Vinnie plays him.

This One's For The Purists
Phoenix @ Denver - 10:30pm EST - TNT

This is reality. Both teams will try to "out tough" one another. The Suns will dump it to Shaq and try to rack up fouls on Nene, Marting and Birdman while Amare hangs out and waits to do his damage when the foul trouble mounts.
Billups will be working on burning Nash, getting to the line and feeding J.R. Smith for 3s.

Which team can outsimplify and force their style on the other? Just because it ain't your old Suns and Nuggets doesn't mean the game will be any less entertaining. We'll still be in the 100s, with plenty of chest thumping and stomping. Melo will wear a Craig Sager reject on the sidelines. (BTW, when you google "Carmelo+Red+Jacket, this is the first hit you get. Try it.) It will all be the same when the final buzzer goes off, but you will have no idea how we got there. Basketball in the Twilight Zone? Yes, please!

Now Is the Winter Of Our Discontent

2009-01-15T03:18:00.003-06:00

Ah, January. The air is brisk, the sun is low, and I get to point and laugh while my brethren up north of the Mason-Dixon line actually have to shovel their driveways and such. Yes, I'm enjoying my 55 degree weather, thankyouverymuch.

But for the league as we know it, winter presents a trying time. The Great Coaching Purge of 2007 already took out nearly every likely coaching casualty imaginable, so we're left with players and coaches pointing fingers and no single, decisive move to send a message without a big name trade. The Lakers and the Cavs are sitting pretty, smug in their rockers next to the fire clad in Snuggies, but the rest of the teams in the association have been left punch-drunk, desperately trying to get their car started in the middle of a snow storm. They've all got their problems, and with almost half of the season behind us the true feelings and the struggling ball clubs that just reek of desperation are hustling together a laundry list of flaws and excuses. So while everyone is good and grumpy from all the red herrings, rumors become mushroom clouds and a throwaway line in a post-game interview suddently becomes a headline. Now that everyone's good and pissed, let's talk frustration.

Mark Cuban proves that even the league can get its panties in a bunch around this time of year, after his confrontation with J.R. Smith from Tuesday's Nuggets-Mavs game. An owner confronts an opposing player. On face value, that sure seems like a damn near inexcusable action. But that also assumes some sort of run-of-the-mill, standard owner. That Cuban is not. The man is more than a super fan because well, he pays for this gig. He foots the bill. That entitles him to certain privileges. Now, if you want him to self appoint himself an "assistant coach" or whatever so that he can sit on the bench, so be it. But frankly, I fail to see the alarm in Cuban talking to a player on another team. Yes, I am a Mavericks fan, and yes, I am somewhat of a fan of Cuban himself. But he didn't exactly rush J.R. ready to quarrel. Cubes is vigilant, but I'd hardly call him violent. So while the owner confronting the player on an opposing team is pretty unorthodox, I'd say that all the fuss over this is much ado about a non-incident that shouldn't even be mentioned. Cuban's mad because J.R. threw an elbow, J.R.'s probably mad because Cuban rejected his peace offering, and everybody else is mad because Cuban was being Cuban. Bah humbug.

Meanwhile, Yao might not exactly be opposed to Moore's central thesis regarding T-Mac. Trouble is certainly brewing in Houston. It's clear that something needs to be done and McGrady would be the most obvious domino to fall, but I only hope that his stands as independently as it seems. I'd hate to see that a team that "seems better" without McGrady only seems that way. Morey and Adelman are smart guys, and if a move is made I'm confident it will be a good, calculated one. Still, would it be all that surprising if the Rox stood pat with what they've got, and hoped for a better string of luck with injuries and on-court chemistry? That move (or, lack of a move, I guess) would seem pretty ridiculous to the lot of us, but as usual, we're not GMs. Yet.

I'm not sure who's more unhappy with the situation in Detroit: Rip Hamilton or me. Few things infuriate me more than the Pistons' fascination with the small ball style, especially because this move is neither born of previously determined plan of attack or desperation. They aren't the Warriors or the Knicks, teams that naturally run a bit small as part of their strategy. They're no longer overcoming a string of injuries to various rotation players. The troops are healthy and the big men are capable; it's time to get rid of this Tayshaun Prince as power forward sh*t. Although, I will gladly say that some good has come of it. Bet you didn't know Emily Dickinson was a Detroit fan, did you? (Apparently, Rip has conceded some ground and taken the "team first" approach. Now let's hope Curry actually listens. Hat tip to Watson at DBB.)

Keep your wits about you, NBA heads. The trade rumors are still a-flyin', and there's plenty of blame to go 'round, but it won't be too long until Spring will be upon us and we'll all be smitten with trade deadline acquisition puppy love. That Shawn Marion is so dreamy!

15 Footer: VOLTRON Edition

2009-01-14T14:40:00.002-06:00

The HP cast, together as one. It's a beautiful thing.

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

With Or Without You (Portland at Philadelphia) (Rob):

Philly is in a pretty awkward position. They've surged with Brand out, which shouldn't indicate that Brand is a bane or a cancer or some kind of black hole, but he may still be clogging the lanes and stopping the ball. The comfort level for this team is obviously a state of playing in which they scrap, claw, and rotate ad infinitum, without any coherent, tangible plan for "go time" aside from "let's get the ball to Iggy." Or is this team just rolling right now? Their style seems different (well, duh), but their level of focus and intensity seems relatively consistent with their efforts on the season. Sometimes a guy is a bad fit. And sometimes he squashes a team's momentum and chemistry despite being an alleged nice guy and a 20-10 all-star caliber big man. The league is completely screwy in that way. But like it or not, he's still a Sixer, and he will be until the cows come home, live long, natural lives, die, and yet live onward through generation upon generation of cow offspring. I think he's a free agent in 2018. So with the team clicking and a chance to start bringing Brand in slowly off the bench rather than throwing him into the thick of things, maybe this type of situation is exactly what Philly needs. Or will need.

Oh yeah, but they'll run into a brick wall against Portland. They're streaking, but you can't streak through brick.

Welcome to the Flustercluck (Chicago at Toronto) (Rob):

Hinrich's back! Deng's back! And that means rotation hell for Coach Vinny after he's already in way over his head! This is awesome! So does this mean less Rose or less Gordon? Less Hughes or less Thabo? If you know, please, by all means, tell me. I mean, I know what I would do. And I know what Vinny should do. But what coaches should do from a pure basketball standpoint and what they actually end up doing aren't exactly similar -- there are just too many extraneous factors to muddle things up.

Who would have thought that these teams would have nearly identical records at this point? It's a crazy world out there kids, and the Raps certainly know that now. Calderon is an excellent passer. He's not all that sexy, and that's fine. But the problem with slow of foot plane Jane players like Jose is that they're not going to be able to get things done if you rely on them to be your second best player. It's still a league of athleticism, and though Calderon is a tremendous athlete in terms of precision and a honed skill, he lacks the lateral speed and explosiveness that you need for a truly dominant point guard. I don't want to say that he's been "exposed," because that's not necessarily fair or true. But the Raps had been relying on him way too much, and when that pivotal part of the Raps' "attack" was suddenly removed, his flaws as a franchise point guard become irrelevant. This team needs bodies, and they're not exactly in a position to cope with what's going down.

Maybe I've Been Here Before, I Know This Room I've Walked This Floor (Detroit at Indiana) (Rob):

Curry, look. Your "small ball" shenanigans have run their course. I'm tired of this. Trading for AI doesn't give you an excuse to nerf your team by catering to egos. You're a big boy, your players are big boys. You need to stroke and cater to those egos sometimes, but this Pistons team has a chance to be legitimately special if they just stick to a more conventional approach. Iverson's been about as efficient as your run-of-the-mill self-entitled rec league jumpshooter. Rip is still coming back from injury. For the sake of all that is good and holy in this basketball universe, START A REAL POWER FORWARD. PLAY A REAL POWER FORWARD FOR REAL POWER FORWARD MINUTES. I love Tayshaun, but he is really, really, really not the answer.

Danny Granger needs a nickname. Badly. Get on that, readers.

The Atlantic Chemistry Solvent (New Jersey at Boston) (Matt):

The Celtics figured out how to get back on track. Beat the living hell out of Atlantic teams that can't match up. Earlier this week it was Toronto. Now it's New Jersey. Though Devin Harris will remind them that no matter how good Rondo is, he's not great, the rest of this team is badly outmatched, save Carter. He should be able to get some things going, but Brook Lopez is not having another career game against Boston's interior defense. But hey, CDR might play! /crickets //crickets, crickets

I Remember The Days Of The Old SchoolYard (When We Sucked Worse Than You) (Washington at New York) (Matt):

The Knicks are respectable even though Stephon Marbury is still on the roster and the Wizards are not even with the big three still on roster. Oh, the wacky world we live in. The Wizards have been close to a win several times, but keep finding new ways to screw it up. Meanwhle the Knicks knocked off the Hornets for their bi-monthly "win they have no business getting" win. I like the Wizards tonight, because even with David Lee showing off for the trade deadline, Al Harrington's gone back to suck, and Caron Butler has to be tired of this silliness. I expect an Epic Vale beatdown this evening.

You Are Also Cold And Start With M. We Shall Destroy You As Well. (Miami at Milwaukee) (Matt):

"Erased" is my current favorite block term. And Wade has been erasing people inside the last two minutes on the weak side. Combine that with Beasley's newfound ability to stand still and hit shots Wade gives him, and Marion playing like, you know, Shawn Marion, and these guys are not to be messed with. But this is the back end of a road trip back-to-back, it was a physical game last night, and the Bucks have an actual reliable frontcourt, top to bottom. Milwaukee hangs close, pulls forward, then hitches its waggons to Redd in the last quarter, Milwaukee skates away. Miami also needs the All-Star break bad. Or a center. Either one.

You (I) Are (Am) Terrible At Defense (Utah at Oklahoma City) (Matt):

The Jazz win, because OKC is terrible. However, its on the road, where the Jazz are 7-11 (a championship contender? Are you kidding me?) Millsap may be back tonight, but Boozer is still out. Lucky for them, the Thunder have Durant, Westbrook, and a whole big pile of nothing. Jazz show why they are definitely going to the second round of the playoffs tonight.

I Seem To Remember You, Ah, Yes, You Were That Thing I Ran Over (NOLA at Dallas) (Matt):

New Orleans will be angry after a lackluster loss to the Knicks. The Mavs are reeling, bleeding from every pore. The Hornets have a better center, an equal power forward who knows how to get in Dirk's head, and a better point guard. Unless Brandon Bass has himself a 25/15 night, there's going to be a lot of panic button pressing in Dallas, unless they have another blown call to blame it on.

3 Is Better Than 2... That's Math! (Lakers at Spurs) (Corn):

If you look at the Spurs results from the past 2 months, you notice once small trend - Tim Duncan and Tony Parker are dominating. And, judging by their second place record in the West, it has worked out alright. Ginobli still isn't at 100% and the newcomers are helping out (Mason, Hill) but you still get the sense that if you cut off one of the 2 Ts, you can handle the Spurs. Coincidentally, LA has enough people to cut both of them off, plus Pop, plus the waterboy and half the cheerleading squad (Odom). The Lakers are moving the ball extremely well and have found a (relative) toughness and intensity that was noticeably lacking last year. They don't get as nasty as San Antonio, but to pull this one out in the heart of Texas tonight, they might just need Kobe to put on his sh#tkickers and, well, kick some sh*t in the face of the Spurs.

Also, Kobe will NOT be looking ahead to his matchup against Lebron in a few days. So don't hang your hats on that Spurs fans. Even though he is, in my opinion, the second best player in the league right now, Kobe will assuredly will himself to a focused performance tonight. */goes to shower because he feels like one of those Kobe lovers

My Suck Is Better Than Your Suck (Sacramento at Golden State) (Corn):

Except the Opposite

Not much to talk about here. Lots of scoring. No defense. The Oracle. K-Mart on Maggette (ewww, sounds like something Eddy Curry would like). All in all, you could most likely watch this game in highlight clips and envision the entire 48 minutes. Also, Monta rumors!

This Team With No Future Is Really Interesting To Watch Play (Atlanta at LA Clippers) (Corn):

Moore and I had a debate the other night about which team in the NBA had the dimmest future. We concluded it was the Clips. Other teams are either/and younger, with more long term cap space, better coaching or give a flying crap. The Clippers have none. Besides Thornton and Gordon (who is fulfilling my prophecy!) the rest of the Clips are burnt out and looking for ways to skip town. Although it wouldn't be surprising to see some of these elder Clip floating around in trade talks... Actually, that would be the only thing about this team that isn't surprising, well, except for the SUCK.

Back to Backs on the West Coast for the Hawks do not sit pretty, but at least they get Phoenix then LAC and not the other way around. Josh Smith is a one man basketball thriller. Expect him to shine bright in Staples tonight.

A Last Shred of Eddvidence

2009-01-14T10:32:00.001-06:00

15 Footer 1.13.09

2009-01-13T14:28:00.004-06:00

This 15 Footer comes to you courtesy of our friendly co-founder and leader extraordinare, Matt Moore.

Today I'm actually giving predictions to go along with the previews. Won't be a regular thing, but I'm feeling saucy.
(Corn Ed. Note - I do not approve of using the term "saucy." But for Moore, it's oddly appropriate. Also, I fully expect one of these predicitons to be dead on. Moore's predicitons, FTW!)...

Let's Get Violent (Detroit 96 Charlotte 90):
Close. Not close enough. This Charlotte team has fire in its veins, and Detroit's feeling a little mercurial with this whole silly "starting" business. I don't believe Iverson and Hamilton starting is a good idea, and this is going to be the game where the Pistons go "woah, didn't know Okafor could play like that." If they had Augustin and this was in Charlotte, I'd give them the W, but a few big shots and the bench differential is enough. Do enjoy Adam Morrison on the floor at the same time as Kwame Brown, though. That's fun to think about.

Crank Engines To "Nova" (Heat 105 Minnesota 103):
This five game winning streak by the Wolves is seriously messing with my ability to endlessly mock Kevin McHale. It must end. In reality, this is a lot of fun on paper. Inconsistent guards versus inconsistent guards, Jeffersno versus Haslem, and Beasley/Marion with no one that can match their range. Wade's got to be angry after the LA loss and is starting to trust Beasley. If Chalmers can get his head back together, the Heat should be in good shape. I'm betting they're not, but then in the last two minutes, what are the Wolves going to do to Wade?

Someone Alert The Governor, We May Have to Declare Emergency (Cleveland 100, Memphis 81):
You know how this pains me. The Grizzlies are playing with zero continuity, zero composure, and look worn out. Cleveland is on a mission from God to destroy everything in its path. Rudy Gay can't keep up with LeBron, Mo Williams will eat Lowry for dinner, they'll double Mayo at the perimeter, and kill them on the boards, which the Grizzlies have troubles with anyway. There's not a matchup on the floor I like, and that's just the starters. LeBron sits the fourth.

Simple. (Lakers 109 Rockets 99):
TMac and Crazy Pills aren't playing, which means that even though Farmer, Walton, and odom aren't playing, the Rockets are screwed. Too many shooters, too much speed, too much Kobe. Always, Kobe. So if you're going to check this one out, I have a suggestion. Young Mr. Bynum versus The Dynasty. Everyone likes to talk about Andrew Bynum being the next great NBA center (HOWARD SMASH!!!), yet Yao Ming still puts up numbers despite his passion for getting Dunked On. So this is a good one to watch to measure Bynum's been hot lately, playing close to his supposed potential (albeit against small teams). If he shows up big against The Dynasty tonight, this could be the start of his ascension to the Greatest (HOWARD SMASH!!!)

The Freak Show Visits The Freak Show (Dallas 102 Denver 95): Birdman and Balkman team up tonight to take on Dirkalicious and Erik Dampier fresh of getting his face rocked by Shaq and Hawes. The Mavericks are reeling, drowning, clawing for air. Luckily they get Denver without Melo, and a squad they match up well with. Billups-Kidd may not be a wash, but it's not a complete annihilation. And the Denver bigs don't have what it takes to stop Dirk, not that anyone can. Bass provides the spark off the bench, Terry hits some big shots and the Mavs stem the bleeding.

The Farce Continiues(Phoenix 115 Atlanta 103):
Shaq will continue fooling everyone into thinking he'll be able to play like this in the playoffs against a team without their best interior defender tonight. With Horford not available due to injury, and Nash feeling spritely, it should be pretty easy to put a hurting on the Hawks. Smith is overwhelmed by Amare, Nash topples Bibby, and Richardson keeps pace with Johnson. Unless Marvin Wililams decides to have a career night, on the road, when he hasn't shot the ball well, the farce in Phoenix will continue.

DWIGHT SMASH! (Orlando 107 Sacramento 89):
DWIGHT SMASH PUNY HUMANS! PUNY HUMANS TALK ABOUT ANDREW BYNUM! PUNY HUMANS TALK ABOUT GREG ODEN! HOWARD STRONGEST! TONITE HOWARD GET BRAIDY HAIR BRAD MAN. HOWARD NO LIKE BRAIDY HAIR BRAD. BRAIDY HAIR BRAD SMELL LIKE HERBAL SUPPLEMENTS! HOWARD SMASH PUNY BRAID HAIR! HOWARD ALSO FACE SHOCK AND/OR HAWES. HAWES NO MATCH FOR HOWARD, EVEN IF HOWARD NO POSSESS SHORT-RANGE, MEDIUM RANGE, OR LONG-RANGE JUMPER! IF PUNY KINGS BRING DOUBLE TEAM, HOWARD GIVE TO JAMEER! JAMEER HOWARD'S FRIEND! HE SHOOT LONG WAYS! HEDO SAYS TO TAKE REVENGE ON KINGS FOR NOT WANTING HEDO. HOWARD NO CARE ABOUT HEDO'S CONTRACT HISTORY. HOWARD SMASH! Then Howard go home read Bible. Praise be to the Lord. ... (Howard smash!)

More Eddvidence

2009-01-13T14:07:00.002-06:00

Eddvidence

2009-01-13T10:22:00.002-06:00

This Is All Your Fault, Mike D'Antoni

2009-01-13T09:01:00.003-06:00

As Rob spotlighted earlier, this Eddy Curry fiasco looks like prime time Knicks material. I mean, there aren't too many ways you can upstage the Twilight Zone-esque absurdity of the Isiah years, but Curry may have just found the way. This lawsuit appears, at least at first, to have some sort of legs that will keep it meandering in and out of the mainstream for quite some time. Because, as we all know, the New York press loves to just uncover great stories and then never do follow ups.

My initial reaction was this: it's D'Antoni's fault. Why, you might ask? Well, my mother always told me "Idle Hands are the Devil's Playground." (see above picture) Although I am quite sure she wasn't talking about hurling ethnic slurs and racists epithets at my hired help while I forced him to touch my schlong, I can assume that her sentiments tip-toed around a vaguely familiar line. If this is true (and right now, who could really say for sure - except for, as Rob noted, why in the hell would anyone not getting sexually harrassed want to make this up?) then I have to chalk it up, at least in some part, to all the idle time Eddy Curry has on his hands. He hardly practices, rarely plays and obviously has refused to pay attention while the Knicks are busting their butts on the court. So, in the meantime, Big Eddy's thoughts can drift wildly, creating ridiculous scenarios about what a man of his stature and financial well-being can do with his social life. There is no need to be disciplined or self-regulating in your behavior. You are being paid extremely well to NOT PLAY BASKETBALL. That, coupled with a sense of immortality and entitlement that often (though not always) comes from being a professional athlete can lead to some rather blurry bouts with reality.

Of course, blaming D'Antoni is just a ruse. But, I don't think it can be taken totally out of account that if Curry were out on the court burning testosterone, feeling appreciated for his skills and effort and having to live a far more focused personal life, these allegations may not have come to light. Maybe his driver really IS just making this up (New Yorkers have come up with far more outlandish stunts than this for noteriety and financial gain). And maybe Eddy, just like all of us, took his round of "The Penis Game," just a little too far. I mean, what's a little grab-sausage between friends, right?

Right?

Anybody?

Regardless of the what/when/why/where/who the situation, it will be interesting to follow. Just when we thought the NYK ship would be tight and sailing straight, along comes one of Isiah's embarrassments to try and capsize the entire crew. And really, my life will be more complete scouring the NY Post everyday for the newest facts on this kooky, and somewhat oddly appropriate, case. Use all the "white devil" and "cracker" digs you want, Mr. Curry. For your sake, I hope your personal nickname for Mr. Kuchinsky wasn't "BITCH." Isiah would not approve.

I'm Not Sure Anyone Could, Or Would, Want to Make This Up

2009-01-13T03:48:00.003-06:00

Do you ever get deja vu? You get a glimpse of maybe one specific action at a particular location, a facial expression from a familiar person during a conversation, or maybe just a series of words in a particular order? Happens to me a lot, actually. About two weeks ago I had a dream - nay, a nightmare - in which the following lines were softly spoken gently to me from across a carpet of rose petals: "Look at me, [Rob], look" and "Come and touch it, Rob." Eddy Curry smirked as he stood naked beneath an oversized bathrobe. I woke up, heart beating out of my chest and sweating like an Eddy Curry after his 2 minutes of PT against Dallas, and frantically brainstormed ideas to pick apart my hippocampus with a chopstick and forget everything that I thought I saw.

So imagine my surprise to hear that our good friend Eddy has allegedly sexually harassed his former driver -- a man, not that there's anything wrong with that -- and threw in some pretty racially insensitive comments as well. But for your sake, read the ever-dubious NY Post's take on it as well as the report from Newsday. There's (allegedly) some big money, armed weaponry, racial slurs aplenty, and denials, denials, denials. They read more like pulp fiction or the script to a Lifetime original movie than news articles. But as the title to this post suggests, I have just one question: why on earth would anyone want to make this up? Suppose for a second that Curry is completely innocent, and the entirety of the situations described were flat-out lies. If you're David Kuchinsky, Curry's driver, couldn't you come up with a scenario or a story that doesn't involve you conjuring up visages of Curry's man parts for testimony? Or why would your mind even go there in the first place? I'm not saying that Curry is innocent, or guilty, or whatever, I'm just...sayin'.

The Hardwood and the Gridiron, Never the Twain Shall Meet

2009-01-13T03:08:00.002-06:00

You wouldn't be here if you didn't like basketball. But while basketball is my muse and my first love, I entertain flings with some other sports, too. And in this country, you practically have to. Baseball is certainly the game of the past, with America's dwindling infatuation with hitting a ball with a stick suddenly befitting of just how boring the game is. Sorry to the baseball heads out there, I don't mean to invalidate your lives. I understand what the majesty of the game means to the past of sport, I still get goosebumps when I watch The Natural, and I can appreciate why some people might enjoy a "pure" team sport. That said, baseball blows.

I wish we were at the point where basketball was ready to take over that throne atop American athletics, but that's football's to lose. It exhibits the cohesion and unity of baseball with the violence and vulnerability of boxing with the finesse and precision of basketball. But while football would seem an amalgam of the greatest traits of all of the sporting world, in reality it lacks the individualism (helmets, curtailing of celebration, simply too many players) that elevate basketball fandom from sport to lifestyle. You probably knew all that, and you probably knew that we knew all that, seeing as we're all basketball folks 'round these here parts. As long as football continues to tickle our country's fancy, it will forever remain the proverbial measuring stick to which basketball is evaluated. That's fine. I'm cool with that. But seriously, these cross-sport analogies need to end.

The most consistent and supposedly superlative of all basketball-football metaphors is point guard as quarterback. And let me tell you, it really bothers me. In some sense, I understand how the comparisons came into being; both have the ball in their hands, varying levels range from pure playmakers to "game managers,' both can facilitate or impede offensive progress, and the sacred act of the pass. What's lost in translation, though, is what exactly the meaning of the pass is. On one hand, you have the point guard. In basketball, the pass is typically viewed as a symbol of unselfishness. It is the supposedly all-encompassing stat by which the point guard is evaluated, because it indicates the point guard's ability to "run the offense." But unlike in football, in basketball every player is empowered with the ability to pass. Every player on the court is entrusted with this skill, and each is able to display their playmaking ability/deference/basketball IQ. That significantly alters the meaning of what it is to pass. Beyond that, the point guard is called upon to do other things that quarterbacks aren't necessarily depended on to do. There is no real equivalent to rebounding, or really, scoring. There is absolutely no comparison to the two-way nature of basketball, a point of contention that should rule the comparisons moot by itself. Pro quarterbacks don't have to cover someone. They don't duel with opposing players, no matter what media outlets might lead you to believe with their rhetoric. On that note, passing means something entirely different to a quarterback. To an extent it presents a similar barometer of competence, but it also represents an individual accomplishment. Leading the league in passing yardarge might be more akin to leading the league in scoring than it is to leading it in assists. It's not entirely a selfish act; the receiver gets their yards, too, but because the fundamental act of distributing the ball is so different in the two sports, the comparison just seems silly.

Furthermore, the quarterback position by definition requires some measure of leadership. This is probably because, when it matters, your quarterback will probably have the ball in their hands. If you look at the NFL champions of the last say, 20 years, consider how many were either considered the on-field or locker room leaders of their teams. Then compare that number to the point guards of the last 20 NBA champions. Chauncey and Isiah would seem to be exceptions, and Magic if you go back even further. But by no stretch of the imagination would you select Rajon Rondo, Tony Parker, or Derek Fisher if you were told to identify a team's leader. Part of that is because certain leadership responsibilities are implied with "best player" status. Other leaders might be more of an emotional lightning rod, while the point guard is typically praised for being level-headed and composed. There's a level of leadership that goes with handling the ball, but the difference lies in the ability to get the ball to your best players. In football, if your quarterback is not your best player, the entire team has to work to get them the ball. If it's the running back, the hand-off needs to be precise and the line needs to block well. If it's the receiver, the pass needs to be on-point and the line needs to block well. Plus, when those players actually get the ball, they aren't given freedom of movement. They have specific paths on which to travel, and more limitations of movement than basketball players do. Coverages can shift to compensate, and denial can be a simple game. But in basketball, you can try really, really hard to deny Kobe the ball, but he's probably going to get it anyway. Be it bounce pass, dribble hand-off, or lob. You give them the ball, and you say "Do whatever you can." Sometimes they shoot and sometimes they pass. Whatever. The important thing is that they have that freedom to choose, and they have the freedom of movement with which to achieve their goal.

I'm guilty of these comparisons myself, and this wasn't meant to be a giant finger point in somebody's face. Don't worry, I'm not calling you out. It's probably me venting a bit about a pet peeve of mine, and hopefully a starting point for some discussions about cross-sport comparisons. I'm all for analogies, metaphors, and the like, and if you refer to things in broad, simplified terms or boil them down to incredibly limited, specific circumstances, they can work. But in a sport that is great because of unique styles, unlimited potential, and a very different perception of movement within a space, it seems to deny basketball its justice to boil it down to pig skins and shoulderpads.

15 Footer 1.12.08: I'm Late, But At Least I'm Not Vince Carter

2009-01-12T16:40:00.004-06:00

Living in the Land of the Lost (Milwaukee at Washington):

With the Thunder and the Wolves suddenly finding ways to scrap wins together, are the Wizards the sole outpost of hopelessness in the league these days? With Gil rumors flying, the team still losing, and one coach's head already rolling, it's hard to keep your head up in D.C. these days. Place the blame where you will, but this team should be playing better. Depressing. Milwaukee still manages to amaze me with all that they're able to do. I'm amazed by Skiles ability to let go of his Malik Allen mancrush. I'm amazed by this team not just getting by, but doing pretty damn well after replacing Mo Williams with Luke Ridnour. I'm amazed by their progress despite a significantly different cast of characters, and without relying on the emergence of Ramon Sessions. Who knows what will come of the Conley-Sessions-Alexander trade rumors, but this team is better than I ever and will ever give them credit for. Oh, and if the trend continues, they're due for a win tonight, as part of their every- other-game-is-a-win streak.

You're Awful, I Love You (OKC at New Jersey):

Oh, Thunder. I know now that you are more than a passing fancy. You're more than just Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant. Well, I mean, not really, but kind of. I think they spark a minor celebration in all of us when they scrape out of win, and they get a smile at the very least when I see that they're nursing a ten point lead. But I've learned to temper my expectations and to hedge my hopes for this team. All I wanted for them was to not be the worst ever, and they seem to be living up to that dream. Nets, whatever. Without Devin Harris it's just Vince Carter and company, and I don't know that that's good enough to pique my interest. He's doing a bang up job this year and I'll give him his credit for that, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still slightly irritated by the fact that he isn't the Vince of old and obviously he's still Vince fricking Carter. Some scars never fade, Mr. Carter, and if mine's still stinging I can't imagine how people that REALLY hate you must feel (read: the city of Toronto). Old news, but it's something that Devin Harris' brilliance helps me overcome, and without him providing that welcome distraction I'm left with you being you. Deal.

More of a Legless Antelope Than a Wounded Tiger (Toronto at Boston):

The Raptors are the Raptors. And the Raptors with Jose Calderon still injured are terrible. Draw your own conclusions. The best way for the Celtics to get their sh*t together is to rock and sock a few teams into submission. Sorry, Rap fans, but this season isn't about to get any better any time soon until your squad can get a point guard that can create without a damn pick or a bench that can provide some backup vocals for Bosh. It's the same ol', same ol', but this is one team that's not going to change dramatically without some significant aesthetic alterations.

MORTAL KOMBAT! Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun-Dun, Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun-Dun (New York at New Orleans):

Cut me some slack, I've never been good at typing out sounds. But I imagine that if you played video of a SSOL team in fast motion and put the technoey part of the MK theme on top of it, it would make for a psychadelic projection piece at a rave. Test your might, Chris Paul.

But what kind of night is it if this is probably the best game on the slate? Pacers-Jazz might intrigue me slightly more, but only because I love them like I would a pet goldfish. Meanwhile the Hornets are still a pretty entertaining bunch, and the Knicks show a little fight in them when you least expect it. Still...it's Knicks-Hornets. Couldn't you throw us one more quality contest, NBA?

They're Worth a Thousand Words, You Know (Portland at Chicago):

There Ain't No Party Like Danny Granger's Tea Party! Hey, Ho! (Indiana at Utah):

You should know my bias in favor of Indy by now. And you should know HP's "bias" against fans of the Jazz. I wouldn't say it's about stirring up controversy as much as it is a combination of differences in opinion and just seeing what makes people tick. So here we go: Granger scores 50, because the Jazz aren't that good at defense. I don't care if Deron Williams is sick, because I'm a jerk. The Jazz are dirty. Jerry Sloan is old. Carlos Boozer is all injuredy. And Chris Paul is probably better than Deron Williams. Not sure how that's related, but just roll with it. Should be a good game, supposing Indiana doesn't pull out one it's classic suck efforts or run out of gas from last night's thriller.

On The Verge Of Something Great, The Miami Heat Need To Decide

2009-01-11T23:39:00.005-06:00

image via

I'm a Shawn Marion addict.

No lie.

The affinity I have for oversized-3/undersized-4 forwards ties directly back to Marion. Quick on the touch pass, funky release, tremendous man-defender, great in transition, not an awesome handle, can't create his own shot, can nail open looks from anywhere on the floor. That's my type of guy. I think Marion was scapegoated in Phoenix to a certain degree, but also tends to bite off more than he can chew. He wants to be a number one guy, but you can't be a number one guy if you can't take your guy off the dribble or dominate in the paint. That's just not the way the world works. You can be really awesome at thinking up ways to make food, have an eye for ingredients and temperature and taste, but if you can't slice a tomato, you're out of luck as a chef, you know? But Marion still possesses an incredible array of skills, is a multi-faceted weapon at both ends of the floor, and can still put together a stat line to make you dizzy.

So when I say this, understand it's not born out of a disrespect for Marion's game. But I want what's best for both sides in this.

The Miami Heat desperately need to trade Shawn Marion.

Now, I have been here before, which I should probably factor into Marion's value. But there are entirely different reasons for Miami needing to switch him out. And oddly enough, a lot of it goes back to the player the Suns traded Marion for, and Miami's acquisition of him.

In 2003-2004, the Heat figured out that this Dwyane Wade kid might have a future someday. They had a scrappy, young club with a lot of promise. They had a trifecta of Dwyane Wade, Caron Butler, and Lamar Odom. They sacrificed all of that for the big prize, a championship ring with Shaquille O'Neal. Now, we know they won a championship with Shaq, and we have no idea if they would have won one with Tuff Juice and Lamar the Head Case. But you have to believe that with young players, cap management, a superstar in Dwyane Wade, and the kind of potential they had, they may have been able to develop a lasting establishment. We'll go ahead and throw that idea out for now as nothing more than whimsy. But when you look at the devastation in the wake of Shaq's decline (and believe me, it's coming Phoenix!), you have to at least think about what they had to go with. Now the Heat in that situation ditched the uncertain future for a certain path to the Finals. Great, right? But there's a reason Joe Dumars doesn't sacrifice multiple young players for superstars. He only took on Iverson when it was clear a change was necessary and he knew he could get him as an expiring. Dumars thinks about five years, not one.

Again, this is not to say the Heat did the wrong thing. They have a ring they may not have had otherwise. But perhaps not being bold was the move then, but it is now. Because they are faced with a dual-headed scenario of equal complications now.

On the one hand, they have Marion, who simply does not fit here. It's not a conceptual issue, but he just sticks out. It's as if there are two entities on the floor simultaneously. The Miami Heat, and Shawn Marion. And to be sure, there are times when Wade is able to bridge that gap, and when he does, it's music. But Marion looks awkward, restrained, out of place. He's the bicycle for the Heat's goldfish. Many are going to suggest this is a problem with Marion and not the relationship. That's fine, for the discussion. Because once we admit that something's got to give, we see the opportunity in the problem.

And there is opportunity to be had. There's a foundation in place. The Lakers found it staring them in the face tonight in the fourth. Udonis Haslem picking his spots, breaking for dunks when the defense floats up. Wade 2.0 absolutely unleashed. He's pressuring more and more in the halfcourt trap, tonight forcing a late crucial turnover on none other than Kobe Bryant to create the tying dunk by Haslem. They have shooters in Dequan Cook. A serviceable backup point guard in Chris Quinn who needs to know when to not try to be a hero, but can still hit some big shots. They have a talented athletic young point in Mario Chalmers, who can attack the basket. And the biggest complication to Marion. Beasley.

Time and time again tonight, the Lakers assumed that if they sent two guys to the top of the key to double Wade, the offense would flutter and die. Only, for some reason, they decided to double either with Beasley's man or force the rotation to him. And Wade, who's taken the kid more and more under his wing, fed him. And he knocked down shot after shot. To be sure, Beasley can't create assists right now. He's the quintessential black hole. But his handle's not terrible, and his vision is something he can work on to improve. The fact is he's a natural shooter, and tonight for the first time I've seen, there was chemistry between him and Wade. I followed Beasley for Under the Microscope over at FanHouse, and you can see that Wade wants him to succeed. When Beasley stuck to the perimeter on a half-court break opportunity on a busted play and Wade's pass sailed out of bounds where Beasley should have been, Wade yelled, but he also rubbed the kid's head. He's seeing what Beasley can be, and he's investing in him. Kid's a natural scorer of the best degree and is starting to put in his time on the boards.

There is plenty to be excited about for this team in the next few years. However, they have a legitimate shot of making noise this year. But that's not going to happen unless they add a legitimate center. Haslem is a workman's workman. But physically he's over matched just in terms of height. The only reason the Lakers sneaked out that one tonight in Staples was because there was no one tall enough to block out Bynum. Bynum had an explosive night, and I was noticing that on the box score. Until I realized that he was up against Joel Anthony and Haslem, who just gives up too much vertical size. The Heat have to have a guy to put a body on people. They're not a pure running team. They can really put something together, with some more size. It's possible the thought preseason was to overwhelm teams with talent instead of size, with both Marion and Beasley on the floor, stretching defenses and picking up boards.

But Marion and Beasley can't coexist. If you watch possessions with them both on the floor, it's like two bassists for a band on stage at the same time. They're both taking up the same space on stage, they're playing over one another, and every time they go for backup vocals, they're staring at the other one wondering what they're doing. It's just awkward.

Marion's numbers are mute compared to his usual flourishes. Age probably has some to do with it, but a lot of is just a lack of fluency within the Heat. But that's what makes this situation such an amazing scenario for the Heat. The big problem with Marion in Phoenix was that there was no way to get equal value for him considering his stats, productivity, talents, and the fact that he had the extension option for this season. But now? His numbers are down. His contract is expiring. He's both more attractive and more tradeable. He no longer demands so much you have to try and swindle teams. He's an expendable 30 year old former All-Star that can rebound, score, block shots, run in transition, hit threes, defend power forwards, small forwards, and small guards, and who even if you don't get equal value back on, you're still coming out ahead because you set yourself up for the playoffs and beyond. But they have to pull the trigger.

The Heat have been silent about Marion the whole season, supposedly waiting to see if this combination could work. It doesn't. They now have a chance to lock up the long term success they sacrificed, rightly, in pursuit of their ring. They can acquire a set of assets to fill in, while not sacrificing their 2010 spending money. And they might just have enough to make some noise come April, put the fear of God in the Eastern Conference, and establish themselves as the rising challenge to the Kingdom of James.

But they have to pull the trigger.

The Memphis Grizzlies Have A Modest Request: "Go F*ck Yourself, Portland, Oregon."

2009-01-09T23:41:00.007-06:00

You'll have to forgive that many Anchorman references inside of a week, cats and kittens, but sometimes, they're just called for. And when a team signs a player the same day a letter is distributed threatening any team that signs him, well, that's pretty much the professional basketball equivalent of "Yeah, why don't you trade this for a solid array of picks and role players?"

Now, Memphis did this because Darko's still on the shelf and they're getting murdered on the boards. They did this because they need cheap players to fill the roster and provide some perspective for the kiddos. And they did this because they felt they could help their team.

But the fact that this puts a big Grizzlie foot right in the Wonder Team's crotch?

That ain't bad, either.

Pritch, you've done so well, man.

Pride goeth before the fall, Manager Man. And if this wasn't your doing, you need to get that owner and the staff back in the stable. Now.

Hat Tip: 3Shades, of course.

Kevin Pritchard Sent Another Email

2009-01-09T14:09:00.002-06:00

And you thought the first one was bad.

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