Los Angelista's Guide To The Pursuit Of Happiness

Turkey Pinata

2009-11-27T23:09:00.000-08:00

Have you recovered from your Thanksgiving feast or are you still in a tryptophan haze?

Getting in a little post-Thanksgiving workout always helps clear the brain. I strongly suggest you exercise by beating a turkey pinata.

Yes, a turkey pinata. I've decided that every Thanksgiving from here on out needs one.

You'll get some arm, back and core work in while whacking it. Can't you just see the commercial for this?

"Are you feeling like a blob? Terrified you'll have to put on pants that don't have an elastic waist? Never fear! Straight from LA's top trainers, the turkey pinata whacking workout is here!

Yes, nothing says, "I live in LA!" better than a turkey pinata. At a loss over where to get one of these? Psst, I hear they're available in Downtown!

Thankful My Kid Woke Me Up At 6 A.M. On Thanksgiving Day

2009-11-26T14:50:00.000-08:00

My youngest son woke me up shortly after 6 a.m. today.

"Get up! It's Thanksgiving!!"

What in the world???

When you've gone to bed a mere three hours beforehand, and you're having an awesome dream with Orlando Bloom in it, being woken up so early is the last thing you want to happen.

OK, no, that's not quite true. The last thing you want is for an epic earthquake to jolt you out of bed.

Or to wake and find that all those awful Nostradamus prophecies have come true all at once.

Or to discover you've been infected by bubonic plague.

Don't you agree those things would totally suck like ten times worse?

Anyway, sleepy time was definitely over for me because the boy started listing off all the things he was thankful for. "I'm thankful for you, mommy, and my teacher and my Nintendo DS, and..."

He kept adding things to his list for a good five minutes.

I made a "Things I'm Thankful For" list a couple of days ago. It's a good exercise since sometimes life can seem like one tough slog. I admit I feel a little shallow putting stuff like, "I'm thankful Depeche Mode keeps making music," on there, but I'm just keeping it real. I think it would be good for me to review and add to my list more frequently.

Anyway, in the hours since he interrupted my, ahem, "nap", my son's asked me every five minutes, "Is it time to go yet?"

We're going to my awesome, amazing friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner, but my boy could care less about the food.

Mister, "I only eat fried chicken!" hates turkey. He wouldn't touch mashed potatoes with a 10 foot pole. Your tastiest casserole will not pass his lips. Cranberry sauce might as well be poison. He can't stand candied sweet potatoes and he despises pumpkin pie.

I'll be lucky if I can get him to eat some dinner rolls and salad. Last year I think he went over there and ate plain rice with ketchup.

So why is he so excited? Because he knows what we adults sometimes forget: Thanksgiving is about relationships, not food. It's about spending time with your friends and family, even if all you have to eat is peanut butter and jelly. -- Actually, I think he'd prefer PB&J to all the other food.

Too often we adults agonize over the stuff that surrounds holidays like Thanksgiving. We worry about whether the pumpkin pies we baked last night are going to be edible or not. We stress out over the cleaning and cooking and dealing with relatives that sometimes (or all the time) work our nerves.

Maybe this is why holidays are always the best when you're little - because you still have that innocence, that excitement that makes you jump out of bed at 6 a.m. to tell your mom to get up because it's Thanksgiving.

I hope you know how much I'm thankful for you, the folks who take the time to come here and read my blog. Some of you are like family to me and I appreciate you for adding something special to my life!

Happy Thanksgiving!

LAUSD Knows How To Upset Me The Night Before Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T17:55:00.000-08:00

Dear LAUSD Teachers,

Want to know how to 1) make yourselves look incompetent and 2) upset a parent the afternoon before Thanksgiving?

Send home a progress report with a whole bunch of things checked in the column with the big frowny face. Make sure those are things you have NEVER EVER - and I do mean NEVER EVER - mentioned to that child's parents.

Make sure to not include any numerical, number based data about how that child is performing. Nope, don't include any test scores. Only include a bunch of check boxes next to subjective statements.

According to my son's third grade teacher, he is:

Not using class time to best advantage
Work improving, but more effort is required
Needs better organizational skills
Inattentive when directions are given

Oh really? And what is the evidence of this because I haven't seen any? If my son is so dang inattentive in class that it's a enough of a pattern that it needs to be put on an official progress report, why am I just being let know this on November 25th, over TWO MONTHS into the school year?

When I was a teacher, the FIRST TIME a student was inattentive when directions were given or was not using class time well, I had a conversation with his or her parent or guardian.

You hear that, LAUSD teachers? The F-I-R-S-T. That is my expectation and should be the expectation of any parent who wants the best for their child.

Better organizational skills? Better than what? What are this teacher's expectations around organization because that's some subjective b.s. if I ever heard it. Are we talking about a messy desk? A notebook?

Has this teacher taught the kids how she wants things organized because if not, kids don't just learn that through osmosis. And if she has taught it and my son is still disorganized, again, why am I just now hearing of this?

And what exactly does "Work improving, but more effort is required" mean? Improving from what? As far as I know he's never received a bad grade on anything. And if he has, WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED BEFORE NOW?

In case you're wondering what's checked off in the smiley face column:

Very cooperative
Contributes to class discussion
Willing to help others

Oh isn't that special. He's a nice, cooperative boy. Thank you, teacher, for telling me that. If he wasn't those things, that would be a problem so I'm glad to hear that. However, again, what's the evidence of this and what does this have to do with his measurable, data-based grades? Be specific when you answer, please.

I'm very interested in what's not checked off on the smiley face side. "High achievement on test" is not checked off-- all this despite the fact that today he got a nice laminated certificate sent home today extolling his outstanding performance on the latest reading assessment. I'm feeling an informational disconnect.

But it gets even better.

There's another "Notice of Unsatisfactory Progress" attached to the back of the smiley/frowny face progress report stating that my son has, "Not made minimal or adequate progress toward meeting grade level standards".

There are three boxes (reading, math and writing) and the "writing" box is checked.

Wow, if my son is not meeting even minimal progress toward the 3rd grade writing standards why is almost DECEMBER and I'm just now hearing about this? This does NOT make me happy.

I want to know why this form letter isn't specific. What math and reading standards has he mastered so far? What specific writing standards is he not doing well in? Not only that, I have yet to see one writing assignment come home or one letter home stating something like this:

"Dear Parent, this month we're working on writing descriptive three paragraph essays. Please see the attached example of what your child should be able to produce by the end of the month, along with the rubric on which he/she will be graded. If you have any questions, please feel free contact me any time."

Oh wait, that's from a letter I sent home to the parents of my students in Compton. And we wrote a three paragraph essay in class every single week so the kids got lots of writing practice.

I know teachers have different styles but whatever the format, if my son's teacher sent home information like that, you'd better believe the expectation for what my son should be able to produce would be crystal clear, and I'd make sure he could do it.

But what REALLY pisses me off even more is that I don't like to hear my son saying, "I just don't get it. All of my other teachers always said I'm a good student."

That's because he is a good student. Not perfect, but he's a good student. He works hard, really does his best, and when he's had a tough time with some concepts, his previous teachers let me know right away and gave me ideas on how to work with him -- and guess what, he improved! It's not rocket science.

My son's previous teachers gave me hope for the state of public education. They made me feel like I wasn't a total dummy for sending my son to our neighborhood LAUSD school. And they damn sure didn't send home a total b.s. progress report that seems to be SOLELY designed to create a paper trail of evidence that the teacher "informed the parent" about what the kid couldn't do.

That's because my son's previous teachers knew that excellent teachers don't just inform parents. Excellent teachers build a relationship and engage parents on an active, regular basis. Excellent teachers know there should be an ongoing dialogue about the child's progress, a partnership.

Excellent teachers know there should be no surprises on a student's progress report, ever.

Here's my thinking: If you take an student who's gotten good grades from PreK to 2nd grade, reads above grade level and does just fine in math, and all the sudden he's getting the frowny face in third grade, maybe it's not the child's ability but the way he's being taught.

Or rather, the way he's not being taught.

I'm going to ask this teacher to share with me her plan to improve these things. After all, she is the teacher. She is the one getting paid tens of thousands of dollars to do her freakin' job so I hope she has a plan beyond sending this crap piece of paper home.

Yes, I am really angry. I am beyond angry about how some teachers choose to send home progress reports like this without the data to back up the boxes they've checked. I'm sick of it. This is my son's life - it's not a game. I have black male children. This is NOT a game.

But if I ask my son's teacher to start sending me home a weekly progress report with my son's grades and his progress toward mastering the state standards - because that's what I care about - I'll be labeled a "difficult" parent.

Pfft... I may just have to be difficult because this "progress" report home did absolutely NOTHING to give me specific details about how my son's doing toward his academic big goals.

Oh, wait, does the teacher have a measurable, student-friendly academic big goal for the kids? Something beyond "Do good on the standardized tests?"

My other concern: I'm an extremely involved parent at my kid's school. I'm down to help out and be involved however I can. I speak up and I am not easily intimidated. So, I'd hate to think that my being vocal about things I see at the school is having an impact on the way my son is being treated in class or how his work is being graded.

If that's NOT the case and my son's really doing so poorly, I shouldn't just be finding this out.

Please, LAUSD teachers, recognize that if you really want to improve student achievement, you're going to have to change the way you do business. You may not feel like informing parents of their child's progress on a regular basis, but incompetence like the progress report I got today isn't going to cut it.

I know I'm not the first parent to be less than pleased about this kind of progress report and unfortunately, I won't be the last. If LAUSD wants to know why parents are FLEEING to charter schools, magnet schools or scrounging to put their kids in private schools, stuff like this is why.

You don't want to improve? Watch your job disappear as enrollment sinks because your former students are going to school somewhere else.

Sincerely,

A Very Displeased LAUSD Parent

Don't Spit On My Son

2009-11-24T23:15:00.000-08:00

Shortly after I picked up my kids from school today, my youngest, Mr. T, told me, "Something gross happened to me today."

I think I was expecting a tale of witnessing vomit or maybe some other kid having an accident in class. But no, not either of those things.

"A boy from Mr. W's class spit on me today."

That's not the kind of thing any parent wants to hear when they pick up their kid from school. I felt that kind of anger that starts in your toes and then just shoots up your body, that adrenaline rush where you know that if the kid that spit on your son was right in front of you, it wouldn't be pretty.

I asked T to tell me how it happened and apparently this kid, a kindergartener, just rolled up and spit on my son.

"Did he say anything to you? Call you any names?" I asked.

"Nope. Just spit," my son replied.

"Do you have any idea why he did it?" I was really confused. What kind of kid just comes up to another kid and spits on them?

T didn't know, but he did know that it really hurt his feelings and made him upset. Of course he told his teacher and thank goodness she sent him to Mr. W's class along with her teacher's assistant to tell what happened. Good move. My son shared how glad he was that the assistant was there with him.

"Did you tell Mr. W what happened?" I asked.

"Yes," my son said.

"And? What'd he say?" I asked.

"He said for me to forget about it. He said that kid's just a spitter," my son replied.

Say what? Uh, no, I'm not going to forget that some random kindergarten boy spit on my son.

I was hoping there'd be a note in my son's backpack from Mr. W explaining that he was going to be calling the spitting child's parent/guardian and blah blah blah - whatever needs to happen to make sure the parents take this spitting thing seriously would be done. But there was no note.

I want to know what's going to happen to make sure this child doesn't think he has the right to spit on my son again. I want MY son to know that you don't just brush off someone spitting on you. You don't just excuse that behavior.

I've been so upset about this all night and I'm trying to tell myself that Mr. W meant that he didn't want my son to worry about it or take it personally, that maybe this kid just has problems and so he spits.

Sure, if this boy is coming to school and spitting on other kids, he probably does have problems. His home life might be jacked up so maybe he's acting out. But there's a part of me that knows I don't really care how many personal problems or challenges this kid has.

No one has the right to EVER spit on my son. Period.

To make things even more complicated, my son added this little tidbit:

"And the spitter boy is black. How come another black kid would spit on me? Doesn't he know I'm black, too?"

We had to have a talk about how just because someone's black that doesn't mean they're going to be your friend, respect you or even have anything in common with you. But his shock that a black kid would spit on him made me wonder if something deeper is going on. Is he expecting that some of his Latino classmates would do so but a black kid wouldn't?

It made me wonder if my son is starting to feel like he's the "other" at his school. Maybe he feels so much like the other that he was hoping that at least another black boy wouldn't diss him.

I know I'm worrying about this because last week another boy at school, a Latino student, was inappropriately making fun of my son being black. This other boy is a first grader as well, but even at such young ages, kids pick up the racism they hear in their neighborhood and in the home. Then they bring it to school and test drive it.

When my husband heard about this kid spitting on our son, he rightfully flipped out. He went on for a good 15 minutes about how our sons are targets because they're different from the other kids at the school. Different racially and culturally.

"And when you stand out, there's always gonna be some chump who thinks he's gonna be the one to take you down."

My husband thinks it's only going to get worse for my sons as they get older. The thought of that depresses me. But I know there's some truth to what he's saying.

In the meantime, he wants a conference with this kid's parents because spitting on someone is considered assault in the State of California. I know how he feels because I'm upset about it too, but I seriously doubt that's going to happen. Besides, the reality is that our sitting down with the parents of the spitter probably wouldn't be productive. They'd be defensive and we'd want their child's head on a platter.

I guess the most important thing right now is that my son knows we aren't OK with this spitting going on. I want him to feel loved and supported here at home, even when the world spits it's crap on him.

What breaks my heart is that I know one day love won't be enough.

My Disneyland Holiday Adventures: Part 2

2009-11-24T16:34:00.000-08:00

Are you ready for Disneyland Adventures part 2? I'm realizing that because it's pretty impossible to have a bad time at Disneyland I could go on and on about our time there. So instead I'll give you some very brief highlights.

I met my contest winner Hawiza and her awesome family! Here we are waiting for the performance of Princess Tiana's Riverboat Jubilee to start.
My sons had a ball playing with her daughters at dinner and they were a very cool family to hang out with. I'm so glad Hawiza won!

Princess Tiana from The Princess and the Frog: When he first saw Princess Tiana, my husband said, "Wow, she's a certified banger!" And yes, Disney's first black princess is quite lovely. We enjoyed Tiana's Riverboat Jubilee performance from a view in New Orleans Square. Here's what it was like:

We also got to meet Tiana during a special dinner the Disney staff arranged for us.She has her poses down, doesn't she! My youngest now claims she's one of his 279 girlfriends. She's sooo pretty... I hope the rumors I'm hearing about her spending most of the film as a frog aren't true.

There are also reindeer at Disneyland - but only for the holidays! YES, real, live Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Blitzen!The fireworks at Disneyland are legendary - and they're even more lovely during the Holidays. (Someone I'm married to cried during them.) I also loved how Sleeping Beauty's castle is iced out and lit at night.And finally, if you want to get yourself some cute holiday Mickey ears, you definitely should. They are the cutest thing ever! The only bad thing about our trip was that my husband lost his cell phone on one of the rides. A Disney employee called him at like 2:30 in the morning on Saturday night to tell him it had been found and to come pick it up from lost and found. Then the next day someone else called him to tell him to come pick it up, but not from the Disneyland lost and found. Nope, they wanted to meet him on a random corner in Anaheim. He went down there, the person wanted money... and let's just say my husband didn't give the guy any money but he still came home with his phone.

The moral of the story? Go to Disneyland, have fun and don't lose your cell phone!

**Thank you to Disneyland for hosting us as their guests!**

My Disneyland Holiday Adventure, Part 1

2009-11-23T23:33:00.000-08:00

Attention: You're reading a blog written by, "The best mom in the entire galaxy."

My six year-old told me this on Saturday while we were at Disneyland and Disney's California Adventure for their Holiday Parent Blogger event.

I'm choosing to believe that my son would say this even if we were sitting at home watching paint dry.

We started off our day of Disney holiday magic at California Adventure because we didn't get to Anaheim till around 11:30 am. It's a little less crowded there than at Disneyland at that time of day. However, less crowded doesn't mean less fun!

First we had a ball getting a little wet on the Grizzly River Run water ride. Then we hit up Soarin' over California which totally makes you feel like you're flying over California in a hang glider, and after that, I rode the California Screamin' roller coaster with Mr. O, my eldest.

My husband claimed he couldn't ride it with O because he might have a heart attack. Instead, he stayed behind to eat Mickey Mouse-shaped ice cream with my still-too-short to ride youngest son, Mr. T. Never mind that eating the ice cream might cause the heart attack...

While my kids were trying to convince me to ride the Tower of Terror with them, we ran into Santa Claus! Mr. T told Santa he wants ANOTHER skateboard for Christmas and Mr. O filled Santa's ears with the virtues of a PlayStation 3.

Yes, please, Santa. Deliver a PS3 to our house even though we're not Christian and don't exactly celebrate Christmas with a tree or anything like that. Your bringing it is the only way one of those $$ consoles is going to find it's way in here in 2009. Santa lectured them about keeping their rooms clean and being good boys. Thank you, Santa!

Later on, Mr. O confessed to me that he knew the dude wasn't really Santa because, "I could see where the wig was glued to his face."

My response was to tell him, "You see, this guy is actually one of Santa's minions, and every night he has to fill out an Excel spreadsheet with everything kids like you tell him. Then he emails it to Santa, or else he'll get an unsatisfactory on his end of year evaluation."

I'm sure my boy will be in therapy one day talking about that response. Anyway, after taking some pictures with Santa, we rode on a few more rides - although I vetoed riding the Tower of Terror again - and then we all headed over to Disneyland.

Tune in tomorrow for Part 2 of my Disneyland Holiday Adventures where I meet my contest winner Hawiza, meet Princess Tiana, and get to see one of the adults in my family (not me) cry during the fireworks.

Win 1 of 5 Copies of Night At The Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian DVD/Blu-Ray

2009-11-23T11:10:00.000-08:00

One of the side effects of letting my kids watch Night At The Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian is that they started asking, "When are we going to Washington D.C. to see the Smithsonian in real life?"

Sigh, as soon as you get a bit older and your mom gets some ducats to fly four people to D.C., stay in a hotel and feed you for a week, OK?

In the meantime, they can have some much less expensive fun with the film's star-studded cast: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Amy Adams, Hank Azaria (I'm still not feeling him being cast as an Egyptian pharaoh but whatever), and the always entertaining Robin Williams.

Want to stuff this DVD in someone's Hanukkah/Christmas/Kwanzaa/Birthday/Just Because stocking?

Of course you do! Enter to win one of five copies of a special two-disc DVD/Blu-ray combo pack! This special edition also comes with an additional approximately 30 minute short film called "Monkey Mischief" - pretty cute if your kids are into the monkeys in the movie.

To enter:

You must live in the United States
Leave a comment and a working contact email by 11:59 p.m. PST on Thursday, November 26, 2009. Please also leave a name. If you are anonymous and I can't tell who you are, your comment entry will be disqualified.
For additional giveaway rules and legal disclaimers, please click here.

Five winners will be randomly selected. I'll contact the winners on Friday, November 27, 2009. If there's no response within 48 hours, I'll pick another winner.

Want Additional Entries?

Post this giveaway on Twitter. Leave a comment letting me know you did so.
Post this giveaway on your blog. Leave a comment with a link to the site you posted it on.

Good luck to you and if you don't win, this combo pack gets officially released on 12/1/09 and will retail for $34.98... but psst, it's on sale and available for pre-order on Amazon!

**************************ANNOUNCING OUR WINNERS!!!******************************
Thanks to everyone who entered! Our five winners are:
1) Sippinwineman
2) Jennifer
3) DecafSkimLatte
4) I am not Star Jones
5) THE Disneyland Mom

Winners, be on a lookout for an email from me - please respond within 48 hours! Thanks!

Flipping A Coin

2009-11-22T22:18:00.001-08:00

Whew, I am tired. I'm so tired that I just agreed to flip a coin to decide whether we're watching the directors cut of Blade Runner or Brideshead Revisted.

Blade Runner won.

I think I might go flip the "go to bed" coin instead. I'm so tired! -- I guess having a fun time at Disneyland will do that for you. This insomniac had such so much fun she needs to get some more shut-eye so that tomorrow's Disneyland recap actually makes sense.

I need sleep!

The Randomness: No New Moon For Me Edition.

2009-11-20T13:37:00.000-08:00

It's Friday afternoon... that means it's time for The Randomness with Los Angelista - because let's face it, you don't want to read anything meaningful right now. And if I've misjudged you and you do, this story will be perfect for you!

1) New Moon: No, I'm not going. No, I don't care. No, I don't think Robert Pattinson is hot. At all.

But clearly, a whole lot of y'all do.

Me? I will save my $14 movie ticket money for something that doesn't involve the characters brooding and being all grunge-emo-love sucks like a vampire and then you die. Seriously, the why won't this vampire have sex with me because we want each other - no wait, we can't/we can/we can't... oh noes, he left me, but the werewolf wants me... For real? Yawn.

2) People's Sexiest Man Alive: Johnny Depp. There's some other candidates I would've elected -- NOT Robert Pattinson-- but I can go for Johnny. I've seen better photos of him though than the one that's on the cover of the magazine.

3) Oprah's Retiring: Can she hook a sista up with a car and a makeover before she does? I'll even go volunteer at her school... and blog about it.

4) Palin -vs- Jameson: Oprah had Sarah Palin and Jenna Jameson on back to back as guests. She asked Jenna harder questions. I guess it's easier to ask a very orange porn star the tough questions.

5) NaNoWriMo Update: I'm at a little over 30K words on my novel. Can I hit 50K in 10 more days??? Eek! And wowzer, it's a little soap opera-ish. But in my defense, people in high school did say I'd be most likely to become a trashy novelist!

6) Health Care: Am I the only one confused about what is going on with this health care bill. I'm confused. Are we taxing botox?

7) California Is Kinda Sucking: The UC Regents raised tuition to attend a school like UCLA and UC Berkley by 32% this week. It was free back in the '60s. At least student's protested. I'm proud of them for sticking up for themselves.

8) California Is Kinda Sucking 2: Because there must be a sequel or I wouldn't live in Hollywood. Our jobless rate rose to 12.5%. That's the official rate. I'd bet our unofficial rate is more like 25%. Black folks? It's probably 40%.

9) California Is Kinda Sucking 3: Oops, the sequel got canceled. But if you go to the LA Times web site, you can read about Catalina Island bison going on birth control. Seriously, who in the world thinks injecting animals with birth control is good for them? I don't.

10) California Is Awesome Because of Disneyland: The rest of the state may be going to hell in a handbasket but at least there's still Disneyland! I'm going tomorrow for their super awesome holiday event. AND I get to meet the winner of my giveaway, Hawiza!

And the best thing about Disneyland? It's sure to be a Twilight-free zone!

Video Game Mania at Konami's Family Fun Day

2009-11-20T11:49:00.000-08:00

Remember the days of going to the mall and wishing you were cool enough to be one of those hip people dancing like a pro on on the ginormous Dance Dance Revolution platform? I was always too shy to get up there and dance, too afraid that my feet would get tangled up and I'd fall off, the laughter of my peers surrounding me. SOB!

Well, who knew I'd be lucky enough to hang out last week in the offices of the company that makes Dance Dance Revolution, Konami! My sons and I were invited to attend the Konami Family Fun Day and we had a great time meeting the staff (they even played the games with my sons), and trying out some of the new titles coming out this fall/winter. Or rather, my kids tried out the titles and I watched them play, which was just fine with me.

I know LOTS of people are starting to stress out over what to that special someone for Hanukkah/Christmas/Kwanzaa/Los Angelista's December 29th birthday - so here's the lowdown on the latest family-friendly Konami games.

Dance Dance Revolution: The first game we checked out was the latest version of Dance Dance Revolution and whoo hoo, it has a Depeche Mode track on it! YES! My sons were totally happy to dance to "Enjoy the Silence" - I've trained them well!

The cool thing is that instead of needing a huge platform in your house, the game comes with a floor mat (complete with arrows) that you can dance on, or you can use your Wii balance board. Pretty nifty.

If you don't want to hear Depeche Mode, there's plenty of other fun music, everything from Rihanna, Lady Gaga and Pink... and ta-da: Bobby Brown doing "My Prerogative".

Los Angelista's Verdict: I'd say this game is good for six year-olds and up, even though the packaging says 10+. My youngest got a little confused on which way to move but I could see how with a few days of practice, he'd get the hang of moving his body in the direction of the arrow. Plus it has a "school" feature to teach you how to dance. (I might need that, not the kids!) Great multi-generational songs and family-friendly enough that nothing needs bleeping. And who doesn't want to dance as a character with a rainbow afro?

Cute idea: At Konami they had a little electrical disco ball in a dark room. Not sure where to get it but if you can't find one, turn off every light in your house but your Christmas lights and voila, you've got a party going on!

Karaoke Revolution: I'm completely convinced I'm going to burn in hell because my six year-old immediately wanted to sing Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl". He was sooo loud when he was singing it, too. "I kissed a girl AND I LIKED IT!" -- oh gosh, it was pretty hilarious. And as long as we keep the kissing to a song, I'm cool.

The kids were also super cute singing the Jackson 5's "ABC". See, my kids know wholesome and, er, not so wholesome songs. They can sing it all! I videotaped them singing and I wanted to post the footage but my 8 year-old told me I'm banned from posting footage of him singing. I got the, "Don't embarrass me, mom!" lecture.

Los Angelista's Verdict? 100% fun if your kid can read. Otherwise they'll only sing the choruses on the songs they know and they'll stand there looking confused the rest of the time. This gets released on 10/24/09.

Ultimate Party Challenge: Another cute game was Ultimate Party Challenge. This is one that has a simulated skateboarding (huge hit with my six year-old) simulated biking, and even a bungee jumping option. It has multi-player options so up to four kids/family members can play.

Los Angelista Verdict: I couldn't get my son to stop doing the skateboarding so I can vouch that that part of it is awesome. The rest of it? Hopefully it's just as fun.

Other games: There were a bunch of other cool looking games there that we didn't try out but they might be a good fit for your family. Konami has a downloadable Frogger Returns game. Yes, THAT Frogger. Low tech but fun as always and the nice thing about the downloadables is they are MUCH cheaper. You can get like five downloadables for the price of one regular video game.

There was also a Scene It: Twiligh t game. My sons weren't going near that one. They could care less about Bella and Edward. "That's for girls." (Those sexists!) But if you have tween/teens that are nuts about Twilight, and sometimes that seems like every teen these days, that could be the game for them. It comes out on 10/24 as well.

Even though my kids were hoping they were going to be moving into the Konami offices, we did have to finally go home. There was a little bit of the, "We're leaving if I have to DRAG you out of here!" going on, but ultimately we hit the road for the schlep home in rush hour traffic. The boys talked about the games almost the whole ride home, and I got to hear another rendition of, "I kissed a girl AND I LIKED IT!"

Thanks to Konami for having us and letting my boys check out the games!

Win A Sesame Street 40th Anniversary DVD!

2009-11-19T12:48:00.000-08:00

"Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street!"

Will you all think I'm totally weird if I confess that my first big crush was Oscar the Grouch?

It's true. When I was really little I was in LOVE with Oscar. I loved that he lived in a trash can because he didn't make me feel bad about being a messy kid. I loved that he had a pet worm named Slimey because I really liked worms. I even tried to have a pet worm just like Oscar. Except mine was named Henrietta.

Oscar's only 40 years old. Not too old for me. But alas, the interspecies relationship might have gotten a little complicated so I guess it's a good thing I married my husband instead.

Hmm... they do have a lot in common though. Both tolerant and kind even if they try to front like their grouchy.

Anyway, one of the cool things about Sesame Street being 40 is that I've gotten to share Oscar and all the other great Sesame Street characters with my own children. I've always loved Sesame Street because it's consistently cast a wide range of children of color on the program. Kudos to them for not doing the token Asian/Black/Latino thing like so many other shows have done and still do.

In celebration of Sesame Street's 40th anniversary (and my crush on Oscar), I'm giving away THREE copies (one to each winner) of their 40th Anniversary DVD. The DVD is 2-discs (5 hours!) and is chock full of special Sesame Street footage. It'll make a super cute gift for somebody special.

To enter:

You must live in the United States (HI & AK are OK).
Leave a comment and a working contact email by 11:59 p.m. PST on Sunday, November 22, 2009. Please also leave a name. If you are anonymous and I can't tell who you are, your comment entry will be disqualified.
For additional giveaway rules and legal disclaimers, please click here.

Three winners will be randomly selected. I'll contact the winners on Monday, November 23, 2009. If there's no response within 48 hours, I'll pick another winner.

Want Additional Entries?

Post this giveaway on Twitter. Leave a comment letting me know you did so.
Post this giveaway on your blog. Leave a comment with a link to the site you posted it on.

And if you don't win, the DVD's on sale on Amazon for $24.99. Good Luck!

****WINNERS!!!****

Congratulations to our randomly chosen (I had a ball typing all your names into a random.org list!) winners:

1) Elita from Blacktating
2) Mamita Umita
3) Marcela Beatty

Congratulations!

My Huge, Big, Ginormous Hair

2009-11-19T11:55:00.000-08:00

Last night my youngest son, T, decided to tell me, "Wow, your hair is BIG! Frizz frizz frizz!"

He took a picture of me with my BlackBerry camera. Don't I look sooo psyched?

Then he discovered the fact that the word "frizz" rhymes with my name. So until I ~~threatened to beat him~~ lock him in a closet, he would not stop with the "Frizz, Liz! Frizz, Liz!" mess.

True, it was a little frizzy due to it's getting a little damp in the shower but still, the child was working.my.nerves.

My other son, Mr. Angel Wings Are Sprouting, reassured me. "I will love you forever no matter how big and frizzy your hair gets."

Aww, that's mommy's baby!

Anyway, late last night after I finished having a nervous breakdown over my laptop cord dying, I got to mulling over this big hair thing, because mine is definitely big.

My hair is so big that when I take pictures with another person, you know the kind where you're both trying to smush together as much as possible, sometimes my hair has to be moved so the other person's face is visible.

It's so big that on chilly LA nights, my ears no longer get cold. Very useful because I can't really get a hat over it.

But let's face it. Our society doesn't really like big hair all that much. If you have big hair, you're a rebel, you're artsy, you're exotic. You get told dumb stuff like, "So are you an actress? I would've thought it looking at your hair."

No, if I was an actress, I'd probably have to have a weave to make me more "marketable".

Alas, in our society, you're only supposed to bust out the big hair when you're on a hot date and you're trying to look a little sexy. Remember, Jennifer Aniston's hair is still only "friend" hair no matter how hard she tries.

To get the man, you need to unleash the passionate woman hiding behind a reserved facade by letting your hair be wild and free. (Check the covers of Cosmo, King and Maxim if you don't believe me.)

But when you go to work, unless your job is a strip club, you better lock that hair up! Hello, helmet hair!

Maybe what I'm really musing over is who decides what hair is professional or not? What's sexpot or not? Why does big hair have to be stereotyped as sexy and exotic?

All I know is that my little boy better get used to the frizz. The big natural hair isn't going anywhere.

Death of the Power Cord

2009-11-18T23:25:00.000-08:00

You know what can KILL your online life? Your power cord for your laptop DYING!

Not sure what went down in this house while I was out earlier tonight but I come home and power cord is dunzo. I have 10 minutes of power left. Not happy.

Replacement cord? I'm on the Dell website looking for one for an Inspiron 1420. Still looking... did they discontinue this?

AAGH! Majorly frustrated!

Bloody Mary -vs- The Virgin Mary

2009-11-17T22:23:00.000-08:00

The minute I picked up my sons from school today they sprung "Mommy have you ever heard about Bloody Mary?" on me.

The who? The what? Bloody Mary? My mind did a quick scan of Marys I know about.

The light bulb came on in my head. Oh yeah! Bloody Mary.

"You mean the Virgin Mary?" I asked, wondering where this was coming from and what they'd heard to start calling her Bloody Mary.

"Of course I know about Mary. Mary's the mother of Jesus, but we don't usually call her "Bloody Mary" because that's just not respectful. "

My son's eyes got a little wider as they both hopped in the car and while buckling his seat belt my eight year-old asked, "You mean the mother of Jesus is Bloody Mary?"

I shut the passenger door, opened the driver's side door, sat down and looked up into the rear view mirror. Two pairs of shocked eyes were staring back at me.

"Oh come on, guys. You both have seen Mary's statue and picture before. Remember, they try to make her look all German and she's usually holding a baby with a halo."

They both looked confused so I continued. "You saw her statue all over Notre Dame. Oh, and there's the prayer, the Hail Mary. You've heard it before. It goes like this..."

I recited the prayer for them as we drove the last couple of blocks home..

"So that's what you say in the bathroom?" my six year-old asked.

Now I was confused. Come to think of it, I was probably feeling the same confusion that I had back in 4th grade where I actually asked Sister Paula (with complete sincerity), "How could Mary be a virgin if she was a prostitute?"

Too bad the Da Vinci Code, in all it's expository gloriousness, hadn't yet been written, because otherwise I would've been totally clear on the true identity of Mary Magdelene. To think that Dan Brown could've spared me from Sister Paula's wrath!

"No, you don't say your Hail Mary's in the bathroom," I replied, pulling into the driveway. I was a little irritated. Had I not taught these children anything about reverence at prayer time? Praying in the bathroom? Absolutely not cool.

"Well, Gustavo says you say Bloody Mary and then something bad happens to you," my youngest said.

"Yeah. She comes and, er, does something to you," my other son chimed in. "Something bad."

As I shut off the ignition, it dawned on me that we were not talking about the same Mary.

My Mary: Mother of God who will pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Their Mary: The urban legend that the ghost of some heffa named Mary will kill you if you say her name a certain number of times.

EEK! I pictured them rolling up to school tomorrow telling kids, "The Mother of Jesus is gonna kill you in the bathroom!"

Oh noes. We could NOT have that. So I tried to play it off. "Oh, you mean THAT Mary. Hee-hee. Never mind everything I just told you about Mary, the mother of Jesus. I totally thought you were talking about the Virgin Mary."

At bedtime my sons were STILL asking me about Bloody Mary and the Virgin Mary. "Are you sure it's not Jesus' mom? How come you told us it was?"

The moral of the story is that you should refrain from answering your children's questions unless you are 100% sure what they're talking about. -- Which means you'll never answer their questions and you'll ride home from school in total silence every single day.

OK, if silence is too difficult, just have your kids recite times tables the entire way home. That way there won't be any awkward Mary slip-ups when someone says, "What's 4 x 3?"

*And if you think I'm confused, this post is brought to you by a blogger who's been telling people she's 37 when she's actually not. She just realized today that she's going to be 37 on her next birthday.

Life In Prison Won't Atone For Shaniya Davis' Death

2009-11-16T12:46:00.000-08:00

The body of five year-old Shaniya Davis was discovered this afternoon in the woods outside Fayetteville, NC.

Shaniya had been missing for a week and when I first read about her story this morning, she was still only "missing". No body had been recovered and her father, Bradley Lockhart, was still pleading for someone to return her.

He wasn't with Shaniya's mother and he'd had custody of Shaniya for most of her life.

"She had asked if she could be a mother, and I felt that she was sincere in asking and I figured to give her a chance."

That chance turned into the mother, Antoinette Davis, being arrested and charged with, "human trafficking, felony child abuse involving prostitution, filing a false police report and interfering with the investigation." Yes, the police said Davis had offered her daughter up for prostitution.

There are so many horror stories in our world but this really made me pause. What kind of sick person offers their own child, a five year-old up for prostitution?

I immediately began to wonder if her mother was a drug addict? A mentally ill person? But even if that's the case, I thought to myself no, I know too many people who have had addiction and mental health issues.

Break into your house? Sure. Lie to you for money? Sure. Think ice cubes are talking? Yep. Prostitute themselves? Possibly.

But never once have they offered any kids, their own or anybody else's, up for prostitution. This story was beyond the comprehension of even my dysfunctional mind.

Offering your child up for prostitution means you are soulless. Pure evil. There's no need for a devil with a pitchfork when you have people on this earth doing stuff like this. No need for a 2012 disaster film when the crumbling of the world is all too evident in this story. Who does this?

As I continued to read the story, it explained that the mom initially filed a false missing child report, but her story quickly unraveled.

Video surveillance was later reported of Shaniya being carried through a hotel hallway and waiting for an elevator. Being carried by a grown man. Again, I wonder, who does this to a child? Who shuts off their heart and soul long enough to do this?

This photo makes me want to throw up. It's the last known image of Shaniya alive.

A hotel employee called the police after recognizing Shaniya from media reports, and the man, Mario Andrette McNeill, was later arrested on charges of kidnapping but Shaniya was nowhere to be found.

After I read the story, I said a prayer that Shaniya didn't suffer for too long. I've sat through too many TV interviews with profilers and experts where they talk about how if the missing person isn't found within a few hours, the likelihood of them surviving drops significantly.

Apparently the police somehow knew they were looking for a body as well, and, tragically, defenseless Shaniya Davis' body was found this afternoon in the woods.

My immediate reaction was to think that stories like these are why I don't knock the death penalty too much. I've said before I feel like it should apply to rapists and child molesters - and now I'm going to add that it should apply to parents who prostitute their children out to other adults.

There is no atonement for something like this that doesn't involve being put to death. Life in prison does not make up for this child's death. Or any child's death.

Moments like these, I understand why they used to burn people at the stake. I'd love to put all parties involved in this child's death at the top of a stack of the driest wood possible. I'll empty some cans of something flammable just to guarantee ignition.

I have a feeling there are thousands of people out there who'd be willing to throw the first flaming torch on Shaniya's behalf.

A Pulse Check Without Thinking Too Much

2009-11-15T22:52:00.000-08:00

You ever feel the need to take a pulse check to make sure you're still alive, breathing, reflecting, growing, changing?

Without over-thinking it, here's what I'm...

saying no to:

watching those "the world is gonna end" shows on the History Channel

shopping

feeling inadequate because I don't have new "stuff"

the same ole same ole

spending time talking to people who do nothing but complain

saying yes to:

trying new recipes

letting go of secrets

speaking my mind, even if you're not going to like what I have to say

taking as many pictures as I want

keeping the pen moving, especially when I think the sentences being formed make no sense

giddy about:

the Sherlock Holmes movie with Robert Downey Jr

cooler weather & rain hopefully coming soon

my sons

red velvet cupcakes

books

scared of:

feeling like I don't have enough money

breaking my own heart

anger

getting sick

my parents dying

deeply inspired by:

good books

nature

my children

creative people

old Bette Davis and Joan Crawford films

obsessed with:

Depeche Mode

black clothing

my hair

writing something worthy

bookstores

in love with:

long walks

running

my family

technology

Los Angeles

haunted by:

the answer to the question "what if?"

inadequacy

the things I wish I'd said

saved by:

prayers

my children

books

writing

running

and you?

Special hat-tip to Lucrecer at Art Slam and Mocha Momma for inspriring me to do this meme!

RIP, Snips Padawan

2009-11-14T23:58:00.000-08:00

Our hamster Snips (full name Snips Padawan) died late Friday night. Snips has been the best pet: totally social and playful, falling asleep in laps, riding around on shoulders. She hung out with me so much she learned how to use my BlackBerry and my laptop.

I decided not to tell my children about her death in the morning since we were going to a fun event and I knew they were going to be devastated.

In the afternoon, a bit after we came home, my eldest son went over to Snips' cage to say hello, and he discovered that Snips wasn't breathing.

He cried. My youngest son cried. I cried. My husband went out to the backyard to dig a hole.

We buried her in our backyard in a Trader Joe's organic chamomile tea box. Through their tears my sons filled the dirt back into the hole and then decorated her grave with sea shells they collected the last time we were in Santa Barbara.

Afterwards, we headed to the Griffith Park Observatory to watch the sunset. As the sun sunk below the horizon, I talked to my sons about how nothing lasts forever, not even the beauty of a sunny day. We talked about how that's the way of the world, it's what happens, and it can be a beautiful thing.

Every time we have a pet death I think about how much tougher it's going to be when someone close to us dies, a friend or relative, someone they know. I hope we can always remember through our tears that death is ultimately a beautiful thing.

Exposing and Boycotting Racist Ponds & Unilever

2009-11-13T09:13:00.000-08:00

So many of you have been absolutely shocked over the "White Beauty" commercial from India that I shared in Wednesday's post about Sammy Sosa admitting he's bleaching his skin.

"White Beauty" is a bleaching cream made by Ponds, which is in turn owned by parent company Unilever.

The image on the left is currently featured on the Pond's India site, where they say, "Through extensive research conducted by the scientists at the Pond’s Institute, for various countries including India, we were able to discern that the ideal expression of a woman’s beauty is not just fair skin, but flawless fair skin – spotless and clear, free of blemishes and dark spots.

If I look at the pictures on their site, I'd discern that they believe the "ideal expression of a woman's beauty" is being free from dark skin, period.

The outrageously racist White Beauty bleaching cream commercial ads ran in India in 2008 (with similar ones for "Flawless White" in several other countries) and promoted the idea that if you bleach your skin you're going to finally be happy, beautiful, successful and loved.

In part two of this ad series -because they just HAD to make a five-part series about how a dark epidermis means the man of your dreams won't fall in love with you- the sad, dark girl gives in and decides to finally use White Beauty so she can get her man.

The scene where she opens the jar of White Beauty gives me the creeps. It plays a little like she's deciding to sell her soul to the devil:

Isn't it interesting how Ponds shows a commercial like this in India but doesn't do so in the United States? It's sad how Ponds markets this product but counts on us not being outraged, counts on us not caring about the perpetuation of racism in another part of the world. But how can any of us buy the products of a company that's deliberately enabling, promoting and profiting from culturally deep-seated racial self-hatred?

Would you buy Ponds products if they were doing this in your country? I hope not. So why buy them if they're doing this somewhere else? Why not boycott Ponds?

I don't buy any Ponds products right now anyway so that's not much of a stretch for me. However, I keep thinking about if I just boycott Ponds that's a bit like biting the tail of the snake instead of the head.

The snake-head of course is Unilever and they make everything. Here's some partial lists of Unilever products:

1) Food: Lipton products, SlimFast, Skippy peanut butter, Wish-Bone, Knorr products, Bertolli products, Ben & Jerry's AND my family's favorite, Breyer's ice cream.

2) Health and beauty products: Dove, Ponds, Vaseline, Q-tips, Axe, Caress, Degree, and Suave.

Ugh, this one completely kills me because I, and many other natural-haired ladies swear by Suave coconut conditioner for our hair. And I like my Vaseline Cocoa-Butter lotion and Dove deodorant a LOT.

So am I really going to boycott Breyer's ice cream, my Dove deodorant and Suave conditioner just because Unilever makes racist commercials and products in another part of the world?

Um, YES! I have to believe my voice and my dollars count, even if I'm only one person in a billion boycotting. And as a woman of color, a parent of children of color, and flat out as a member of the human race, I have to do more than say, "Tsk-tsk," about this.

If every single one of you joined me exposing and boycotting Ponds and/or Unilever products, and encouraged everyone you know to do so, we could make something happen.

I was reading about successful boycotts this morning on Ethical Consumer:

"Boycotts have a long and noble history of contributing to progressive social change, as well as succeeding in their more immediate goals.

One of the earliest examples was the boycott in England of sugar produced by slaves. In 1791, after Parliament refused to abolish slavery, thousands of pamphlets were printed encouraging the boycott. Sales of sugar dropped by between a third and a half. By contrast sales of Indian sugar, untainted by slavery, rose tenfold in two years. In an early example of fair trade, shops began selling sugar guaranteed to be have been produced by 'free men'."

If you don't think it can work in the present day, keep in mind that Wal-Mart is STILL trying to recover from the damage done to it's reputation after their shady business and employee practices were exposed and boycotts were called for.

We can use our combined social media influence to put pressure on Ponds/Unilever to stop making and promoting White Beauty.

Here's some ideas...

1) Write about Ponds and Unilever's White Beauty racism on your blog: The more people write about this product's existence on their blogs and post these advertisements, the more people are informed about what these companies are really doing. I'm sure a whole lot of people have no idea that Ponds/Unilever is marketing a product called White Beauty. Everybody needs to know.

2) Use Twitter to expose Ponds and Unilever's White Beauty racism: Companies care a LOT about what people say about them. Expose the product. Expose the advertisements. Challenge the idea that people need skin lighteners in the first place. Don't let racism be passed of as simply an individual beauty decision.

3) Complain to Ponds: Tell them you think the White Beauty product needs to be shut down. You can contact them here.

4) Complain to Unilever: Tell them what you think about them being the parent company of a brand that's promoting the idea that white skin is the most beautiful by filling out their contact form and complaining. Tell them they need to get rid of White Beauty.

5) Don't buy anything from Ponds or Unilever. This may be the most difficult one. Changing the products you purchase is not easy, especially when the reason to change seems so far away and huge corporations can seem so powerful. All I can say is do your best.

More and more I realize that we can't talk about the oneness of the human family if we don't back it up with action. Together we can show Ponds and Unilever that all skin tones are beautiful, not just white beauty.

I'm Sammy Sosa And Whitening My Skin Makes Me Happy

2009-11-11T15:28:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, it's NOT vitiligo. The once handsome Sammy Sosa has admitted to purposely bleaching his skin.

According to Sosa's interview with the TV show Primer Impacto, turning into Casper the Friendly Ghost is merely a side effect of his skin moisturizer.

He says, "It's a bleaching cream that I apply before going to bed and whitens my skin some."

Funny how the story's changed. A couple of days ago his camp was claiming Sammy's appearance was the result of a skin rejuvenation process and too-bright lighting. Now it's a moisturizer that has skin bleaching as a major side-effect.

"It's a cream that I have, that I used to soften (my skin), but has bleached me some."

Some? Is he for real?

"Some" is not the word I'd use to describe how bleached Sammy's skin is. But clearly, he and I have different standards.

I wouldn't continue to slather on a moisturizing cream if I discovered it inadvertently lightened my skin. If the moisturizer didn't explicitly say on the box that it has a skin lightening effect, I'd hire a lawyer to draw up a suit against the manufacturer.

The only reason to not sue is if I bought the cream intending to purposely lighten my skin. And if I was Sammy, why would I purposely lighten my skin? Because I'm acting out my own internalized racism.

If you feel a little uncomfortable when that word "racism" pops up, no worries, Sammy wants us to know, "I'm not a racist. I live my life happily."

Don't you feel sooo reassured Sammy's not behaving in a racist manner simply because he said he's not racist?

Never mind that in our society lighter skin is presented as being all butterflies and ponies while darker skin is portrayed as hell on wheels. Nuh-uhh, Sammy Sosa hasn't internalized any of that.

In fact, we 100% believe Sosa would've kept applying a moisturizer that made his skin turn darker instead of lighter. As long as it made his face baby bottom soft, right?

I guess we're supposed to forget that Sammy also ran out and bought himself some straighter hair and colored contacts to go along with his new skin tone. But nope, he has no self-hatred going on whatsoever.

Sosa thinks we're stupid, doesn't he? He thinks that we believe our society is so post-racial a dark-skinned man can morph himself into a lighter skinned man with straighter hair and light eyes, and we'll all think it's simply about soft skin and living life "happily."

Even my eight year-old son isn't buying what Sammy's selling. My boy took one look at Sosa's side-by-side pictures and said, "Eww, what's up with him?"

"Eww" is right. Sammy used to be such a good looking guy but now he's positively wrecked his looks. "Looks like he lightened his skin," I said to my son.

"That's racist," my son replied. "That's gross."

Thank God my boy feels that way. I'm sure there are plenty of people of color out there wondering what the cream is that Sosa used to get his "living-life-happily" lighter skin.

They'll know the brand soon enough since apparently Sosa says he bought it in Europe and he's considering becoming a spokesperson because he's so happy with the results.

Yes, folks, Sammy Sosa likes his happy new light skin so much he wants to help sell it to all the rest of us.

If that's really true, maybe we'll see Sammy starring in an ad like this one that got shown in India last year for "White Beauty" -- manufactured by good ole Ponds and their parent company Unilever:

I'm sure the makers of "White Beauty" -and the gut-wrenchingly sad commercial for it- say the same thing Sosa does: "I'm not a racist. I live my life happily."

Pop Culture Mindlessness

2009-11-10T23:26:00.000-08:00

It's almost bedtime -- In fact I'm already in bed and all hugged up with my ~~boo~~ laptop and watching Tabitha's Salon Takeover.

I'm sure I had something serious I was going to tell you about, but I can't watch this show and think of anything profound to write about. All I can think about is that I want all of Tabitha's clothes and I wonder if she knows how to do black folks hair. I can't remember, other than the one barber shop episode last year, has Tabitha ever been in a black beauty shop?

Other pop culture mindlessness taking up space in my brain?

It seemed like the world was talking about Lady Gaga's Bad Romance video non-stop today. It's so artsy, so brilliant, so amazing. Blah blah blah. I love her remixes but stylistically she's "borrowing" lots from both Goldfrapp and Roisin Murphy -- from two or three years ago.

Ok, ok, I'll fess up. I just wanted an excuse to post that Roisin video because I love her. But I won't even get into how Gaga totally copied me.

Screw that. Yes, I WILL! Gaga TOTALLY stole the idea of putting on a polar bear dress and setting fire to a man with her bra from me. C'mon, everybody knows I do that all the time. I even won the 1st annual Queen of Los Angeles Polar Bear Dress and Flaming Bra Award.

And all of them need to eat a sandwich. Perhaps they should set a weight goal and monitor it through the scale that broadcasts your weight to Twitter.

Just wait till people start re-tweeting your weight and putting their comments on it. Or even worse, replying to you.

"@losangelista I see ur up a pound. Lay off the Trader Joe's carrot cake cupcakes & you'll b alright."

Then I'd have to reply "@azzhole I see you're up 5 pounds. Lay off eating period and die."

Yeah, putting my weight on Twitter is not the move for me. I'd probably just get gutter too quickly.

So that's what's running through my mind at almost midnight. Thank you, pop culture, for distracting me from my real life and all the serious, meaningful issues going on in the world.

A Los Angelista Giveaway: We Cheer 2 for Wii

2009-11-09T16:54:00.000-08:00

Things I've never been able to do: the splits, a back flip, a cartwheel.

However, despite my athletic deficiencies, I somehow ended up being a varsity cheerleader during my junior year in high school. You know how it is - one day you're nerding it out with the chess club and writing letters for Amnesty International, and the next day you've got a girl that weighs a buck-o-five standing on your shoulders and you're both yelling, "Dee-Fense!"

Now, after years of thinking my cheerleading days were completely in my past, I'm once again shaking my ~~wii remotes~~ pom-poms and jumping up and down thanks to We Che er 2 - the high-energy cheerleading game for all ages and genders (seriously, boys, too!) from NAMCO BANDAI Games.

There's still no splits, back flips or cartwheels required -- thank goodness because yours truly, Queen Geriatrica, probably couldn't handle them anyway. I like that the cheerleading moves feel more like dancing, and we all know dancing is like exercising without realizing you're exercising.

I also liked that I was able to customize the cheerleaders to make them look like whatever I want. Here's my girl Zoe -- she's from Indianapolis and she likes to cheer to "Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa, just like I used to back in my heyday.
I tried to get my sons to compete with me to be cheer captain, but no amount of telling them there are male cheerleading characters in the game (and they could cheer to a cool Red Hot Chili Peppers song) could get them to participate. My six year-old told me if I paid him $20 he'd play. Oh well. They missed out.

The holidays are coming up so you know you want to win the We Cheer 2 Ultmate Cheer Prize Pack from Namco Bandai:

1 copy of We Cheer 2 for the Wii ($39.99 retail value)
We Cheer 2 wristband
We Cheer 2 megaphone
We Cheer 2 t-shirt flexers (to roll up your sleeves)

To enter:

You must live in the United States.
Leave a comment and a working contact email by 11:59 p.m. PST on Friday, November 13, 2009. Please also leave a name. If you are anonymous and I can't tell who you are, your comment entry will be disqualified.
For additional giveaway rules and legal disclaimers, please click here.

A winner will be randomly selected. I'll contact the winner on Monday, November 16,2009. If there's no response within 48 hours, I'll pick another winner.

Want Additional Entries?

Post this giveaway on Twitter. Leave a comment letting me know you did so.
Post this giveaway on your blog. Leave a comment with a link to the site you posted it on.

Good luck and keep cheering!

UPDATE**************UPDATE**************UPDATE**************UPDATE**************

Shake those pom-poms! We have a randomly selected winner (thanks to random.org) and I think she's going to be SO excited!!!

Congratulations to Jameil of I Don't Know Why I Like Ripped Paper! You're the winner! Whoo hoo!

Didn't win today? Don't worry, be on the lookout for more great giveaways this month from Los Angelista!

Realizing I'm No Spring Chicken

2009-11-08T23:48:00.000-08:00

Today I was watching the video for "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure on YouTube - and I realized that the song came out in 1987.

My eight year-old commented, "Wow, that's like 22 years ago. Wow, those guys must be old now."

Um yeah. They are. And it made me feel old. Like, really old.

A few hours later I looked at a picture of myself taken a week or so ago and realized there were wrinkles on my face that weren't there last year. Is it stress? The natural effects of aging?

I am vain. Too vain. And I live in the beating heart of vanity. No, I'm not above it and I'm not immune. There is no such thing as aging gracefully in Los Angeles. I'm not even sure what 37 is supposed to look like anymore.

I refuse to be one of those women who's desperately trying to hold on to an era of their lives that has been long gone for years. I'm not trying to pretend I'm 29. I want to be myself, the best of myself, whatever that may be. But how can I truly know what that is when our view of what our best should be is so warped, so skewed?

The Many Faces of Sammy Sosa

2009-11-07T23:41:00.001-08:00

Take a good look at the man on the left... he's pretty hot, isn't he? That's former Chicago Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa. Steroid scandal aside, I still have a Sosa magnet on my refrigerator.

The man on the right? I don't know who he is. News reports claim that's also Sammy Sosa, but I don't know how that's even possible because that doesn't look like the beautiful brown-skinned Sammy I used to swoon over.

According to the Chicago Tribune, that color change is the result of some sort of skin rejuvenation process. Wow, really? Anti-aging, anti-wrinkle processes make you look like Al B. Sure!'s light skinned brother? Like a member of the De Barge family?

Because if that's the case, don't let the word get out to any other color-struck black people. Folks are gonna be trying to get Sammy on speed dial. "Where'd you get your insty light-bright done, Sammy? Hook a sista up with the deets!"

In the meantime, I'd like the beautiful brown Sammy Sosa I've loved for years to come back. Get rid of the contacts, the conked hair and the skin lightening treatments, Sammy. Some of us love you ~~just the way you are~~ the way you used to be.

Letters I Wish I Could Write

2009-11-06T22:48:00.000-08:00

The sun has set on this week and I'm in bed curled up under the blankets with my ~~super hot lover~~ laptop.

No, it's not exactly a sizzling Friday night, but I just realized there's a letter I need to write before I go to bed and it's based on the picture to your left. Gorgeous sunset in the background. Horrible traffic in the foreground.

Here goes:

Dear Mayor Villaraigosa,

I'm not sure what real work you do every day, especially since it seems like every time I turn around you're getting your picture taken.

No, I'm not exactly a fan of yours and I don't know anyone who really likes you or thinks you're doing anything good for this city. However, I have an idea for you that will instantly boost your popularity with all Angelenos, especially the one named Los Angelista.

If you install left turn lights at all the major intersections in the city, you will get voted for until the day you die. All the people who're ready to snap because it takes 10 minutes for them to turn left at the corner of Vermont Avenue and Venice Boulevard will instead head home and write op. eds to the Los Angeles Times singing your praises and declaring you're the most awesomest mayor ever.

If you do it, you'll probably get a statue made to honor you. Your minions will use the time they used to sit in horrible traffic to come worship at the statue. They may even perform poetry they've written in homage to your greatness. You know us Angelenos, we're crazy creative, but we need a muse. You could become that muse!

Yes, install left turn signals and Antonio Villaraigosa will no longer be known as a man who happened to become mayor and then got cold busted for cheating on his wife with a reporter.

Left turn signals will instead make Antonio Villaraigosa forever known as the man who transformed the City of Los Angeles into a world class city! (Listen to your ego like you normally do and you'll see the light. I promise.)

Sincerely yours,

Los Angelista

The Secret of Sexual Abuse

2009-11-05T23:16:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I was doing a little eavesdropping at a cafe, and I overheard two hipster women talking about how the movie "Precious" just seems "totally unrealistic".

"Like all that could even happen to one person," one said.

"Nobody normal has two babies by their father," said the other. "Maybe one baby, but not two," she laughed. "You have two babies by your dad, you wanted two babies by your dad."

I hated them as they laughed and laughed over their wittiness. I hated their perception of reality. People go through such insanity and abuse in their personal lives, and sometimes we know it, sometimes we don't. Not everyone puts their business out there for everyone else's consumption, and sometimes the worst stories of abuse are the ones that never get told.

But what really killed me was their insinuation that victims of sexual abuse want it. Those two hipsters thought they were so clever with their comments, I wondered if they really knew what they were saying.

I guess those two clowns have never heard of California's very own Jaycee Lee Dugard, kidnapped by a psychopath at the age of 11, raped by him for 18 years, and then accidentally found and rescued this past summer. Jaycee had not one but two daughters by the man who kidnapped and raped her. But according to these two hipsters, Jaycee must've wanted that.

Maybe they haven't yet heard the horrible story of a 29 year-old Queens, NY woman who cut off her father's penis, boiled it, and accidentally killed him because he choked to death on the rag she'd stuffed in his mouth. Why'd she do it? Oh, because he'd been raping her since she was three, she knew he'd had sex with other underage girls, and she was afraid he was going to begin raping her nieces.

Or maybe they've never been told by any of their friends how they were sexually abused by a parent, sibling, aunt, uncle, grandparent or neighbor.

But that's hard to believe. Never ever? Really? Because isn't the statistic that one in four girls in this country are victims of sexual abuse?

The sad thing is that it's easy for these young women to say stupid crap about the victims of sexual abuse because victims rarely have a voice and get little or no support from the rest of us.

There's so much sexual abuse of children in our culture, but it's such a "secret". No one wants to talk about it. Families push it under the rug and act like it didn't happen. The victims are told to get over it. Teachers dread the moment they find out about abuse happening to a student because then they have to deal with reporting it and that's more work for them.

When it does come out, too many people act like the victim must've done something to cause it. Must have secretly wanted the abuse to happen.

We miss the point that we are complicit in the continued sexualization of children and their abuse when we fail to ask ourselves WHY there's so much abuse in our culture. What's really behind it and what do we need to collectively change in order to protect the children around us?

I'm still not a fan of the casting decisions made for Precious but if this movie opens people's eyes to the kind and amount of sexual abuse that goes on, and if people can somehow watch it and not just see it as a story that happens to poor black girls in the ghetto, maybe I won't have to sit next to clueless hipsters in a coffee shop anymore.