Crazy Bicycle

Candles in the dark

2009-07-01T11:39:00.001-07:00

"Would you invite astrologers to speak at your astronomy meeting?"

-Spoken by a fellow coworker when presented with the idea of having chiropractors visit the office to administer blood pressure and cholesteral screenings.

Its nice to hear some sanity in the midst of all the health related bullshit out there.

whatcha on about boy?

2009-06-05T13:28:00.000-07:00

The Good People:

Garbage Collectors:
You guys (and girls who look like guys) regularly collect our filth and refuse. Your profession keeps our homes and institutions free from festering trash and horrible diseases. People may look down on you, they may say any trained Chimpanzee could do your job, and they would be right... but you are still important! Without you society would simply rot. You should get paid more.

Doctors:
Your knowledge of medical science heals the lame and allows the blind to see. Hell, you guys alleviate more pain on a daily basis than any Jewish carpenter and you don't even get worshipped! I know you get a lot of crap from all those patients who self-diagnosed their genius selves on Web MD but keep your heads held high, you'll get the last laugh when they come crawling back leaking organic coffee from their back-ends. Oh, and I know med school was expensive but I don't really think you should get paid more; I know the 2010 BMW 7-series looks nice, but stick with your M3 for another year. Rough I know, but the economy is down and we all must make sacrifices.

Missed Connections People on Craigslist:
Your endless optimism makes my days just a little brighter. Sure, I've been there, seen a hot chick in the supermarket or on the beach, but I never thought to post an anonymous add on the Internet pleading for her to answer back. But you guys do just that! It doesn't matter that she didn't see you staring at her ass for a half-hour while she enjoyed a picnic with her boyfriend in the park, it doesn't matter that shes never actually heard of Craigslist, it doesn't even matter that you look like a grown up version of Chunk from 'The Goonies'. She'll respond, she really will.

The still, small voice

2009-06-03T14:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forget what its like to know people who so strongly believe in things they cannot see that they would kill to feed their convictions. Though I was once a faith-head I wasn't ever a very good one, I just never found belief in the unseen and unreasonable very easy. I was born with, as they say, stiff knees. However I lived in a very homogeneous community which prided itself upon a conservative understanding of the Bible and politics in general.

When you grow up 'knowing' certain things, like that the emperor of the Cosmos was born from a human virgin, or that the most educated biologists in the world could be debated under a table by a 10 year old armed only with the book of Genesis, nothing is out of bounds, nothing is too crazy, how could it be? The types of things you are supposed to believe strain credulity like a tightly pulled rubber band; it doesn't take much to snap.

I suppose that is what happened a couple days ago when a man walked into a Sunday church service, identified his target, George Tiller a doctor known for performing abortions, pulled out a gun and shot him point-blank in the face. Eye-witness accounts say that multiple people, including Dr. Tiller's wife pleaded with the killer before he shot but to no avail, his hatred and blind fervor was too strong.

The killer, whose name is inconsequential, is ideologically no different than the Muslim terrorists killing civilians and foreign contractors in Iraq, absolutely no different. Both feel that they are doing god's will and are beyond the persuasion of reason. Both hold fast to ideas that are incompatible with modern society and as a result both should be eliminated. Those who would say the death penalty is no different than murder should speak to Dr. Tiller's wife and see if their bullshit flies. The death penalty is what we exact upon individuals who cannot live in society without deliberately harming or killing those around them, it is a decision not taken lightly and not fueled by passion, it is a last resort that we employ against only the worst of humans.

A big problem remains though, the seed which caused this killing still exists: faith. In my mind nothing is more dangerous, faith is the reason I write this whole stupid blog: making fun of people who believe irrational ideas is an outlet. The mechanism of belief is a different matter though, and fortunately brain scientists have been isolating what makes some people more gullible, or willing to believe than others. In the meantime, we might as well make fun of the innocuous faithers and stand against the dangerous ones.

Who farted?

2009-05-27T13:56:00.000-07:00

During the day I am surrounded by a mish-mash of white liberals among whom is represented the full spectrum of food and environmental allergies known to man. I don't know what it is about being white and liberal that makes one a weakling, unable to eat peanuts, wheat, dairy, and sugar, but man... there must be something there.

As I write I am drinking a smoothie, usually one of my most favorite activities, in honor of a coworker who is finishing her 152nd year working for the company. The smoothie I grabbed is called "Mango Mania" which initially excited me until I took my first big mouthful and noticed something was wrong. It was grainy, without flavor, had an inconsistent texture... whatever could be the matter? Then I saw it, inked on the side: "Non-dairy: Soy"

SOY.

I felt violated, dirty even. Like I'd been cuffed by a Birkenstock wearing patchouli drinker and made to listen to a 2-hour lecture on globalization and corporate elitism. Why soy? The smoothie was called "Mango Mania" which I assumed meant mashed up mangos, sugar, and a little apple juice.

I was so shaken up by the whole affair that I went back to get a different one. The woman managing the smoothie table saw me eyeing the wares and spoke up, "We only have a couple non-dairy smoothies left, the rest have... milk products." The way she said "milk products" was the way a good white person says the 'N-word' amongst proper company, hushed and under her breath. How can a supposed food allergy that only affects a tiny percentage of people plague nearly 75% of these folks? What gives?

I think that we've reached a point in our social evolution where we don't really have anything to worry about anymore; the lions are kept at bay, dental problems no longer kill us in our 20s, and our wars occur in far-away lands. This leaves us free to invent all types of funny little problems to keep us busy.

Think about the next person you meet who has a collection of food allergies, really think about them. Smell the Purrell, look at their pale skin, stay away from their sick looking unvaccinated kids and know this: their world is one of mystery and danger, chemicals permeate their food and air, they have big ideas but little buy-in. They voted for Obama and their Volvo is low on gas. Know them, know them well, and then cut a wide swath around them.

Acupuncture: people will believe anything

2009-05-12T11:11:00.000-07:00

Heres a tip for dealing with your liberal white friends: if you'd like to convince them of the efficacy of a practice tie it to the mystical land of Asia. Liberals will buy into ANY health practice as long as it comes from the orient, and can be represented with Chinese characters. Bonus points are awarded if the practice is thousands of years old because surely anything thats been around forever must be true!

A recent article posted in the "Archives of Internal Medicine" describes the results of a double-blind study comparing the effectiveness of 'expertly' applied acupuncture with proper needles to acupuncture with randomly applied toothpicks. I'm pleased to see that the media has picked up on the study even though the findings, that acupuncture is no more effective than randomly being poked with toothpicks, isn't surprising.

Though cynical by nature I am still endlessly surprised at the types of quackery people will throw their money at in the name of health, as if the human body was some kind of mysterious entity that must be assuaged by magic. If I was smart I would have gotten involved with the whole organic-wholistic-alternative health movement a longtime ago and would be raking in the big bucks now. But no, I had to work in science. TONS of money in that decision...

Not so bad really

2009-05-07T15:24:00.000-07:00

I've got my suspension locked out and my weight out over the front bars; I'm riding hard making stop lights, skirting the morning zombies trudging into coffee shops and monstrous garbage collecting trucks attempting to block my way. Its raining hard, so hard that my mouth half ajar from physical exertion is acting as a kind of water catchment system. Soon I'm on the coastal road, greeted with views of the bay and its islands held captive within a voluminous grey blanket of cloud and rain. I've decided that the strong greens and greys of spring are not a bad mix; experience has changed my mind, or perhaps nostalgia did the trick. Some of my best rides have been colored in grey and green, my best memories.

Look at the humans, what are they doing?

2009-04-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

My daily commute takes me through downtown Bellingham, a place that is a true grab-bag of people types. You've got your homeless people who carry on conversations with firehydrants and parking meters, hipster boys and girls who both apparently want to look like Audrey Hepburn, insecure teenagers hanging out in groups smoking and wearing black clothes, hippies doing their hippy stuff, angry lesbians driving their Subaru Foresters, and paranoid suburban Moms repeatedly punching the door-lock button on their SUVs while they wait for the street light.

I often feel like an alien anthropologist as I observe the goings-on amongst the humans. I try to understand why they are doing whatever it is they are doing. Why, for example, does that skinny male human wear such tight pants with an elaborate shirt/scarf combination? It appears he must have spent at least an hour perfecting his hairdo, but to what end? Is he trying to attract a female human companion? A male companion?

And why is it that the humans who dress similar to each other tend to group together? Perhaps they wish to reinforce some group solidarity, maybe the drive is tribal; they wish to compete against other similar-dressing human groups for the rights to street corners or for 'respect'.

The other day I saw a few humans carrying leather bound books corner a solitary male and attempt to tell him the truth about the universe. He was, according to their book, lost and needed salvation and if he didn't heed their words he was in grave, eternal danger!

I've concluded that the humans are a strange species, and that downtown is a great place to study them in their natural habitat. What motivates them seems to be a dialectic of sorts; on one hand they seem to be responding to their biolgical nature, seeking mates and fighting enemies, but they also have constructed intricate identies for themselves based upon the clothing they wear, the ideas they believe, and their personal insecurities.

Planning and Executing

2009-03-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

It doesn’t happen as much any more, but still sometimes when I pull up to the office early in the morning I wonder why I’m doing it; more specifically I pose the question to my interlocuter, but do not wait for an answer. This is the game I play, a mental set of ping-pong. The question I’ve presented is a lazy serve, a set-up to the other side: now I’m waiting for the slam return. It comes as it always does when I walk the hallways and see the other humans doing their busy things. I look at them and I see a projection of a future I’m moving towards; home ownership, mortages, middle-class life. The funny thing is, my interlocuter plays this return slam the same every time whereas I on the other hand am changing, learning, and progressing in my thinking and desires. The shock value isn’t there like it used to be; the existential arguments I would have pushed on myself 4 years ago do not pack the same knock-out power they once did. Life is an adventure, money is not the key to happiness, we all make our own destiny… I used to say these things as if they were arguments unto themselves without an understanding that they are only useful within certain contexts.

These days I see slightly differently. My wife and I have been working for a while now and we’d like something to show for it and home ownership seems a good start. I’ve come to the realization that sure, money doesn’t buy happiness, but if you don’t have any you’re most certainly miserable. It’s a reality we didn’t choose, the system imposes it on us, but I think it’s the best possible way to live given the alternatives.

These days my decisions are more calculated, I see my employment as purpose driven and my goals for the future are focused. My wife shares these visions with me and we are on track for accomplishing them.

Algebra

2009-03-16T12:31:00.000-07:00

Friends, drop whatever you are doing and relax with me for a moment. Its story time, and I'm going to take you back to the fall of 1998. The setting is Skyview Highschool, a place where I would spend four of the weirdest years of my life. But for now everything is fresh and new: I had my first girlfriend, my first locker, my first portable CD player and my first 'F' in Algebra.

I remember the strange feeling I had in my stomach even now. I cracked the seal on the report card envelope that I was supposed to deliver to my parents and started scanning the list of classes; English "A", Body Sculpting "A", two more A's, and then Algebra, a big fat "F". Now keep in mind that I had been homeschooled through Junior High so the only grade system I was familiar with was that of Elementary School (O = excellent, V = very good, S = satisfactory, NE = parents didn't love you enough). I had to ask around before I found out that "F" didn't actually stand for fantastic, no, it meant "Fun", the first feeling that comes to mind when you realize that you get to take Mr. Spark's Algebra class again.

Naturally, I panicked. The parents weren't going to be happy about this and I needed a quick out so I did about the only thing I know how to do, I started writing... in this case, an email:

"Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood to last the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son Joel

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Ely’s house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card – it’s in my center desk drawer. I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home."

The problem with being a smart-ass is that it only works once before the charm is gone. I don't remember my excuse for failing Algebra 2 my junior year, but undoubtedly it wasn't as cheeky. I do remember talking with my councellor a number of times; she never even once mentioned college application packets or scholarships or future education prospects. Nope, I was an Algebra flunky, surely destined to beat the dents out of 1993 Honda Accords in some lowly Soldotna body shop. Fortunatley highschool isn't the end all experience of life.

Public Radio

2009-03-16T08:34:00.000-07:00

I like Public Radio. I like the concept and I like the content and I'm secure enough to say it.

But why oh WHY does every reporter and host have to sound like they have a mouth full of marbles? You know what I mean? Take a listen to "This American Life" or "Fresh Air" and let the dolset tones of smacking saliva and patchy vocal cords wash over you. If you like to hear people whistle every time they speak a word with "S" then Public Radio is for you my friend.

Ira Flato, the host of "This American Life" is a smart person but he sounds like an old Jewish lesbian. Seriously, I'm just waiting for him to start complaining about bunyons and yeast infections one of these days. Teri Gross is also a good host, but she needs speech classes almost more than Ira does. She has only one inflection - it starts high and ends low; "Hi, this is Fresh Air, and I'm Teri Gross". Say it in your head with a downward inflection and you'll see what I mean.

NPR, good content, horrible voices.

I Hate Twitter

2009-03-04T15:52:00.000-08:00

I don't usually complain about things I don't like, but this one is just too much to hold in. I don't, nor do I want to understand what would compel people to write down their every action and thought during the day. Or perhaps even worse, read what other people are "twittering" about. I dare not hypothesize what this says about our future, but I have a feeling the words genius, wise, knowledgeable and prosperous would not be included.

I think this must be our current generations lazy way of making themselves feel important in the world. I am not naive enough to think that the world is centered around me and my every action. At least not since I was two years old, and even then I was well aware that most people weren't listening to what I was saying. I guess that comes with being number four in a family of five kids, but I digress.

I don't know anything about how this twitter thing works, but if you can write comments I would be tempted to respond with something like "who cares?", or "I have better things to do with my life then read this", or "Why don't you put away your computer and get up and doing something you fatso (or other not so nice adjectives). What gets me even more is that people don't seem to realize their insanity. It seems we are surrounded by a bunch of self-centered, lazy, mundane people with nothing better to do than talk about themselves. Last I checked, that's the type of person we all hate and who ends up with their head being flushed down the toilet and spit balls being shot at their head.

It makes me ashamed to live in this society and gives me a strong urge to huck this computer our the window, pack up a few belongings, my bike and my family, and go retreat to a cabin in the woods. Let the rest of society twitter away until their brains and bodies turn to mush. But then again I'm sitting here blogging, so maybe I'm just a bit of a hypocrite.

Night Riding

2009-02-27T20:24:00.000-08:00

From a distance, the chaos is beautiful.

Immediately my mind is taken back in time 3 hours: my evening ride home from work, dodging cars and people, obeying signs, lights, and lanes; the commute, my cyclical attempt at surviving the daily grind.

But now, I’m above it all. Literally. As I rest at the break point midway up the mountain I turn off my helmet light and notice I almost don’t need it; the trees have broken away offering a full panorama of the city below me. A million points of light twinkle in silence moving to and fro. The highways look like living creatures; ancient things, dragons maybe. My brain is short on oxygen and I let it run wild. Up here I feel like a king surveying my lands; I raise my hands to exaggerate the effect. It is so strange how the chaos that enveloped me just hours ago can feel so different, so removed from the dark mountain; and not just physically but metaphorically. Down there people are toiling around with the trappings of modern life; jobs, families, entertainment, but up here things are primal; just me, a dark mountain and the bike.

As I turn from the city and continue the climb the trees once again envelope me and complete darkness returns. The only lights now are the stars; back to basics, back to the purity of the ride.

Night riding forces a disconnect with the superfluous elements of life even more so than day-time riding. When the only spot of illumination is where your lamp points that is where your focus must always be, a fact I am reminded of as my mind drifts back to the city vista resulting in my tires momentarily sliding out from under me. It is not surprising that when you live in the chaos of the city it is hard to focus the mind on one object. But the challenge is to be cherished; I’ve yet to find another activity that offers such a vivid challenge.

Enjoy Obama supporters, enjoy

2009-02-25T23:40:00.000-08:00

Obama, in what is becoming a not so surprising example of his decision making, has nominated a truly reprehensible figure to lead the National Council of Intelligence, Chas Freeman.

Freeman, the former US ambassador to Saudi Arabia has, as it turns out, was paid (bribed) 1 million US dollars to further Saudi interests in Washington. Thats bad sure, but all politicians are corrupt right? Egoism goes with the job. What really gets me about this asshole are his views about the Tiananmen Square Massacre back in the 1990s. For those who don't remember, Tiananmen square was the sight of a massive student protest in China, a protest for democratic government reform, human rights, and openness. The governments response was to slaughter nearly 3,000 peaceful students in an effort to save face. Google "tank man" for the most powerful picture of the tragedy.

This asshole, Freeman, that our dear leader Obama has nominated went on record to state that the Chinese government's one unforgivable crime at during the event was that they did not violently crack down sooner and with greater vengeance upon the peaceful protesters. Freeman believes in a political philosophy based on the Scottish philosopher Edmund Burke's writings which does not admit the existence of rebellion. Freeman believes that organized protest against the reigning government in any nation must be suppressed, violently. Supression of expression, dissent and dissatisfaction with the status-quo. This is the man Obama has nominated to lead the cryptic NIC which strategizes and plans the long term defense of our nation.

We reap what we sow I suppose; a nation brainwashed by emotions and dreams of 'hope' unable to pull its head out of its own ass. Chas Freeman, an enemy of liberty and free expression should occupy no position in our government. Obama sees things differently.

Back on the Bike

2009-02-25T10:43:00.000-08:00

It's a unique experience getting back on the trails after a long break from riding. During this past few weeks I have taken my first rides on the trails since I found out I was pregnant a little over a year ago. I rode my bike right up until our baby was born, but only on roads and gravel paths, and not very far. Now that I am healed and have a little free time between nursing sessions, it is great to get back on the bike and explore the trails in Bellingham.

A few things I've noticed about coming back after a break are: how different your body composition is, how your mind reacts as though nothing has changed, and how your confidence is once again very weak and fragile. Though I stayed in pretty good shape during pregnancy, only gaining 12lbs with an 8lb baby, and biking and walking all the way through until the birth, I still lost a lot of the muscle I had before getting pregnant. It is tough because I think I was in the best shape of my life, at least for riding, before I got pregnant.

Despite the changes in my body composition, my mind seems to think that nothing has changed, and that I can push, pull and pedal the bike the same as before. Unfortunately this is not the case, and it makes falling and crashing a lot more likely. Which brings me to my last discovery: my fragile confidence. It seems now that a small mess up or minor fall will ruin my whole ride. I just don't have the ability to brush it off and keep riding that I had before getting pregnant. I know this is normal, but it is a little frustrating as well.

Though getting back into riding will take some patience and a lot of work, it is the most wonderful feeling getting back on the bike, into the woods, and doing what I love to do.

Friday: Time to Rant

2009-02-20T14:28:00.000-08:00

Obama's Home Mortgage bailout. Over the past few years a lot of stupid people took out huge home loans with insane interest rates and now they are defaulting on their payments, hence our economic meltdown. Obama would have the rest of us, via tax-fed bailouts pay for their mistakes. I say bullshit!, I say personal responsibility, and I say tough luck to anyone who was stupid enough to take a $400,000 home loan when they were making 20 grand a year at some dead-end job. What the hell is Obama thinking? This type of ass-backwards logic of making those who have figured out how to make money pay for those who haven't is why I could never be a democrat and I'm saying this as someone who isn't rich at all! The liberal's mindset is to view the individual as the eternal victim of malevolent corporate forces; they never seem to acknowledge that some people are just stupid and should be made to see the results of their bad choices, or at least shouldn't be instantly burried in the money of those who didn't make the same mistake.

Healthcare. Now that the elections over the furor over universal healthcare is starting to cool down. Its about goddamned time too. Universal healthcare... awesome idea for the sickly people who wouldn't have to pay in, but would gladly, constantly be taking out. What about the rest of us? Why should I, as a healthy individual, have to pay taxes for millions of sick people to receive care, especially people who are sick as a result of their own lifestyle? Why should doctors be forced to socialize their medical practices instead of controlling their own fates? My wife's father is a successful doctor in Taiwan and when his government socialized healthcare in his country he opted to keep his practice privatized. Why? He can provide better care, make his own hours, charge his own prices and operate without a bloated bureaucracy over his head. He has prospered because he is a smart man, and thats the way it should be. However if we do universalize healthcare one day it better come with some serious caveats: mandatory birth control based on economic brackets, compulsory BMI standards for all citizens, outlawing retarded alternative medicines... When you want everyone to pay for your own healthcare we will get a say in it! You make $8.00 bucks an hour and want to have a kid when you are 19? No can do sweetie! We ain't footing that bill. Broke the left side of your body hucking your bike off a 40ft drop and need us to pay your 1 million dollar hospital bill? Is that fair?

People who don't like food. You know those people, we all do. The ones who would be happy eating cottage cheese and milk the rest of their lives, the type who are always chewing on something bland and tasteless. They are the people who view food simply as a nutritional source, not as something to be celebrated and savored. I don't trust those people, whats wrong with them? I can hardly even eat Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches anymore because they are too boring. Life is too short to dull your taste buds, go eat some good Italian fettuccine alfredo with fresh seared scallops!

Chimpanzee Strength. Natural selection sure did deal us humans a raw hand in the strength department. Even though they are our close cousins they physically outclass us in a big way. A 90 pound chimpanzee is 5-7 times stronger than a muscular human, without ever working out! If we humans don't constantly exercise our body literally eats our muscles, yet a chimp can sit on its ass for 50 years and still be able to rip a 1980's Arnold Schwarzenegger to bits. Lucky chimps!

Stupidity, Noise, and Repetition. Ever notice how the dumber someone is the more they enjoy loud noises? Music, engines, their own voice, all LOUD. I imagine it has something to do with stimulation; dumb people need lots of it which is why you can bet that when the aliens come they will steer clear of theaters playing the newest Fast and the Furious movie when looking for our planet's best and brightest. Dumb people need repetition too; which is why Top 40 radio plays the same retarded songs over and over; and Will Ferrill keeps making the same movie time and time again.

Prole Migration. Its always disappointing when the masses discover something previously unknown and co-opt it for their own, a process which inevitably leads to a gradual dumbing down that things original state. Think of the last time your favorite band, book, or website became super popular and you'll feel my pain.

Thinking Poor. People who don’t have money generally think ‘poor’, that’s to be expected. The annoying thing is when people who have money think this way; you know the type, always haggling over prices, always trying to find a way to cut corners on projects. When you think poor, time becomes unimportant; you’ll drive across town to save one dollar even if costs you an hour. Thinking poor is a great way to stay stagnant in life; I’d recommend not doing it if you ever want to get anywhere. I try not to myself; and view it as a self-fulfilling prophecy. The way you see yourself has a big impact on how you present yourself to others, don’t think poor!

Doeman Theory: No Turn Signals

2009-02-11T15:07:00.000-08:00

Whenever I talk to young kids the first thing that comes to mind is how they don't really have anything important to say. The first thing to pass their Kool-Aid stained yapper is usually something about how the dog pooped in moms flower bed and got in trouble or their hackneyed review of 'Finding Nemo' based on a 237th viewing of the film. Kids are boring sure, but beyond that they are solipsists. In general, Solipsism is an ontological philosophy which supposes that the existence of external minds is inherently unverifiable; the only mind any of us can truly be sure of is our own and thus we must be skeptical (philosophically) of the existence of a world outside our own mind.

Now before I get accused of labeling children little Cartesians let me say this: they can't help it, it is not a conscious position for them. If you need proof pay attention to how a child speaks the next time you happen to stumble across one; they will talk to you as if you already know everything they do. Children will mention names, places, and feelings without any explanation of back-story. Why? Because to them you are just another player in their own mind with access to everything they already know and feel. This poorly developed solipsism is fortunately something most children grow out of. Most, not all. Occasionally you meet adults who have not yet left the solipsism stage of intellectual development and it is always awkward because for some reason solipsistic adults are no longer naive like children; their naivety becomes an ugly narcissism and indignance. These adults expect you to know you to know what they are talking about and become offended when you don't know what they are thinking.

Think of the conversations you have every day with coworkers; you know the type, the people who comes to you in a perplexed rush and wonder why you haven't accomplished something they haven't asked you to do yet. Imagine the people in restaurants who become offended when the staff doesn't magically know how they want their food, or the people who go to the doctor with the assumption that everything they subjectively feel should somehow become known to the medical staff. Think of your loved ones who become angry when you can't telepathically sense that they've had a bad day.

Imagine, if you can, the people who don't use turn signals when driving. You know that asshole; the one who pulls up to a 4-way stop and nearly takes your life because she turns left into you without signaling her intention to turn left. Why do they do this? Solipsism, a stunted maturity that has left them narcissistic and indignant, shocked that the world does not know the content of their thoughts. I fear that our Mr. Rogers culture that proclaims everyone is special is encouraging this immaturity; this generation of self-entitled solipsists. Its a problem gentle reader and I've got more to say but for now I've got to get back to that thing... you know.

The Adventurer Stays Home

2009-02-08T23:39:00.000-08:00

We, most of us, live lives of quiet mediocrity. No great claims, no great adventures. The goal it seems is to make some money, have a family and grow old slowly. I don't find this vision ideal, and I'm sure I'm not alone.

I think the root cause of this discontent is that there is no adventure for most of us. I became painfully aware of this in my own life after I graduated college and began to notice that the one thing I truly looked forward to in my life was Friday: I live friday to friday. Why? Because it means I can sleep in, go biking, not work, blah-blah whatever. Its no way to live, forsaking everything in between, the other days of the week only looking forward to one day for rather mundane reasons.

The funny thing is society tells me I'm doing alright; I have a respectable job, making 'ok' money for my age and I'm glad for it sure, but its hard to ignore the persistent little voice that declares there must be something more exciting out there. Its curious how this system we all accept tells us to graduate from school as soon as possible, get a job, have kids, and buy a house. For what? The 20's are the prime years of our lives, when we are at our strongest, our most resilient, and best suited for something great. Yet no they say, chain a few anchors around your neck and stay home. Adventures are for other people.

I think its easy to forget that we only live once. Back when my mind was muddled by religion I use to think that it would be alright if I didn't change the world in this life because after I died I'd get to do more things, I'd get another chance. Fortunately now I see that idea as childish notion.

The movers and shakers throughout human history have been people who bucked the trends of their time; they weren't content to stay home, they were the culture creators not nihilists or sheep, they set about to change minds not have their minds changed. Its easy to respect them, not so easy to see ourselves doing the same. Sure, not many of us will do anything great on a societal level, but we are all capable of existential adventure. I believe the key lies somewhere in not being too content with current circumstances and knowing ones own limits. Its ironic how most of us dream big as children when we are capable of little and then dream very little as adults when we are capable of much.

For now the adventurers stay home. Hopefully not for too long.

No Lycra No

2009-02-02T14:42:00.000-08:00

I was riding up Mt. Galbraith the other day when I passed a couple dudes fully decked out in skin-tight lycra pants which are ironically gayer looking than lycra shorts even though they cover more skin. Whats the deal? No one, and I mean no one looks good in lycra bike shorts/pants. Take a girl with a perfect butt and put her in chamois padded lycra shorts and boom, you have an instant gremlin. Imagine, if you can, what happens to an average female body in lycra... such dark thoughts keep me from sleeping at night. My worst nightmare become real would be following an average girl on an uphill climb and never being able to pass her, and yet not being able to fall behind, always just 'there' stuck behind that most terrible sight.

Dudes aren't any better. Unfortunately when I passed those two guys the other day I vomited all over my handlebars and fork, but fortunately enough dripped onto the which trail caused them to slip and fall thus alleviating the risk of them passing me later on.

Lycra is the reason mountain biking has not hit the mainstream in a bigger way. The mental image of a 125 pound nitwit in a full neon lycra get-up, adams apple sticking out past his nose, wheezing up a hill through a deviated septum is not a picture of health or popularity. For shame... it shouldn't be so. These days we have cool looking, technical bike clothes, stuff you would feel good wearing off the bike as well as on the mountain.

To those who would accuse me of vanity let me say this: if appearance doesn't matter why not walk around with a tube sock around your junk? Or for the women, why not just go naked? All-natural! If image doesn't matter don't shave ladies, grow gardens in those armpits! Surely image does matter so stop embarrassing the rest of us with your 80s' get-ups. Some images you just can't 'un-see'.

Really?

2008-11-23T16:53:00.000-08:00

One cannot read the headlines on Google news these days without being reminded that there are millions of Americans who think god is fanatically concerned with where adult men put their penises (SPOILER: vagina ok*, anus bad). These same people, though they may not admit it, are slightly less concerned with what two women do together. Go figure.

Asking why does god care what consenting men do in a bedroom is like asking how many angels can dance on the head of a needle. Theological debates are like sword fights with wet spaghetti noodles; nothing is ever accomplished. The swords are, I'm afraid, not designed to do any sort of cutting. Watching a theological debate is like watching Star Trek and Star Wars fanboys argue about who was a better captain, James Tiberius Kirk or Han Solo.

Sometimes it seems the best way to promote rationalism is to ask people to read their Bibles. It makes no sense! Read the Old Testament and you'll come to see that this Yahweh character has a serious inferiority complex and a major problem with genocidal rage. One day he is angry, another day jealous, sometimes unsure, other-times just pouty. Hell, sometimes he kills people just for trying to help (2 Samuel 6:6-11) or for being curious (1 Samuel 6:19) Good heavens!

One of my philosophy professors once said he thought that Yahweh was a hyper expression of the full range of human emotion. I guess so

*Vaginal sex is only acceptable when two individuals have signed a marital contract before a judge, a contract which is honored only about 50% of the time, and slightly less amongst the people who believe god cares where we put our genitals.

Just let the Gays get Married

2008-11-20T08:58:00.000-08:00

Just let the gays get married

Once upon a time in a country called America the wild buffalo roamed freely. Eagles soared across the vast expanses of quiet mountainsides, and trout swam in bubbling brooks! Wheat and cotton grew in the fields and all was well; black people were considered subhuman property and women were subjugates of their husbands without legal equality or rights. Oh those were good times, no immoral MTV, gayness hadn’t been invented yet, and people understood what it meant to put in a hard days work.

Then something happened in that most wonderful nation. War and hardship struck and many young men lost their lives fighting for both noble and corrupt causes. Ideas, long considered taboo were questioned in a new light and change began to occur, the moral zeitgeist began to shift. We don’t really know why, but the institutions of religion and tradition were powerless to stop them; and like a phoenix, from those rancid ashes arose great leaders who championed the causes of suffrage and equality. Slowly, the walls of patriarchy and racism were chipped away. The moral spirit of the age shifted, in spite of religious fervor, a shift born from the reasoned proposition that all men and women deserve equal rights afforded under the law. Why? Not because god said so, but because a democratic consensus decided that this type of society, one in which we all enjoy equal rights, would best benefit the majority of all people in accordance with the principals of liberty and happiness.

However despite all our gains we are once again faced with that bitter old foe which would seek to limit individual freedom based upon the what some ancient shepherds and cave dwellers wrote on scrolls thousands of years ago. Gay people would like the legal right to get married in this great land. Nothing more, they simply want the ability to declare their love for each other just like any heterosexual couple can, yet they are facing stiff opposition from the religious fundamentalists who would seek to deny them this fundamental right. Our president elect, a democrat who could lend powerful support to this struggle has cowardly turned from the issue in order to appease the fundamentalist zealots. Why is this issue so contentious? The religious fundamentalists believe their god to be manically obsessed with what humans privately do in their own bedrooms, so much so that if gay marriage would be allowed it would somehow undermine straight marriage. Of course none of their arguments make any sense, religiously based arguments never do, they are always spawned from that ancient part of our brain that is still afraid of the dark, that still fears death, and would long to adopt any comforting idea no matter if it matches reality or not. However, as our species progresses we slowly shed the metaphorical skin of our past as it becomes no longer useful, and so too will we inevitably lose these old fears and prejudices that have haunted us and caused so much suffering for so long.

If history stays consistent then no liberty will long be denied by those who would have us remain in the dark. A new sun (and rainbow) will rise for our gay brethren in their struggle for equality soon enough.

Deadbox 360

2008-11-19T13:43:00.000-08:00

There are many topics I should be writing about on this important blog, but I'm going to push those aside today and concentrate on what really matters most. The US Armed Services may have their "army of one", but I have an audience of none which is arguably more powerful. This frees me from any constraints and self-regulations that come from knowing people are reading what you write and lets you blow-hard as much as possible.

Religion, anti-politics, organic food, alternative medicine and hippies are all good ranting topics, but today I have something else on the ol' mental chopping board, my xbox 360.

Recently I purchased the game Fallout 3. Having spent large portions of my youth playing Fallout 1 & 2 I had been looking forward to Fallout 3 ever since it was officially announced 3-4 years ago and like a 14 year old boy with his first secret Playboy magazine I drooled over the intitial trailers and screenshots of the game. I read with anticipation about the developmental hurdles the game went through, the changing of ownership from Interplay to Betheseda, and I waited with the rest of the fans hoping that Fallout 3 would not simply be Oblivion with guns. Well, a couple weeks ago my wait was over and on the second day of its release I purchased Fallout 3 for my xbox 360 and I began playing. and playing. and playing even more. For the first time in years I had a game that truly capitvated my senses; I would rush home from work, drop my bike on the floor, change clothes into sweatpants and an old t-shirts, grab a few beers from the fridge and indulge myself without even breaking to eat or pee for 5 to 6 hours on end in front of my xbox 360. I indulged every moment of exploration in the game's world, taking my sweet time walking around and endeavoring to accomplish even the most minor quests. I was not rushing this game. No, I was savoring it like a pint of Godiva ice cream.

Then, it happened. I got the Power Armour training... oh how I had waited for that moment to be a walking tank in the wastelands. I knew what to do next, I knew who I wanted to fight now that I was ready. I knew where it was... The behemoth supermutant in front of the radio building. I traveled slowly through the ruins, peaking over piles of rubble, watching my back, making sure my weapons were loaded and in good condition until finally I arrived and from a distance I saw my foe. 30 feet tall he stood, holding a street light as a mace angrily cocking his head to and fro. I aimed my weapon and fired a volley of bullets but they landed on thick skin, almost no damage done! The behemoth turned and saw me! I panicked a little, armed my rocket launcher and....

.....

....

...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

deep breath

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

RROD. Red Rings of Death. At the worst possible time ever. To the uninformed the RROD signify an internal hardware problem in the xbox 360, a problem that can only be fixed by shipping the system to Microsoft for repairs. I was speechless, this is something you read about happening to other people, but you think that you are exempt, that you will be the one person in the history of Xbox 360s to escape the inevtiable fate. But man, you were wrong. Oh. so. wrong.

So like a retarted kid trying to get that last french-fry from the bottom of the Happy Meal box I packed up my xbox, tossed on the pre-paid shipping label I printed from Microsoft's website and headed out into the dark night of Bellingham to find a UPS dropbox. After biking in circles for a few miles I found one, right next to a group of crackheads. Awesome luck I thought to myself as I wedged the package into the UPS box, getting it partially stuck in the process. As I biked home I was sure the crackheads would pry my xbox out and try to smoke it, sending my Fallout 3 dreams up in puffs of acrylic smoke. However they didn't. Even now I am tracking my xbox's progress, it should be at Microsoft tommorow morning, and in 10 days back in my hands, and then, ONLY then will me and the Super Mutant behemoth finish our struggle.

blah blah blog

2008-11-05T15:49:00.000-08:00

Blah, blah, blah, Obama. blah blah, blaaaah, election, blah blah blah.
blah, blaaaah, blah... blah blah, Palin, McCain! Blah Blah... Blah! Hope, blah blah blah.
Blah..blah blah blah, sheep, blaaaah blah blah, Choice A or B, blah blah blah, blah, get out the vote, blaaaaaaah, blah, blah. bifurcation... blah.

If voting changed anything they'd make it illegal. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah.

Can't help myself

2008-10-31T17:07:00.000-07:00

Sarah Palin is a like a scab that exists just within the range of my peripheral vision; no matter how I try to ignore it, short of closing my eyes, I can't.

Today she said something so stupid that it actually took a matter of minutes for me to process it. I can deal with sophistry and illusion, but inanity? Brothers and Sisters that is a different beast altogether.

"If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations," Palin told host Chris Plante, "then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."

Stop. Read that quote again. Let it fester, poor grammar, syntax and all... let it seep in. This is no sophistry my friends, this is no willful dissension from the facts, this quote is the very sad reality of a person who has no fucking idea what she is talking about. Absolutely NO idea.

Sarah Palin actually thinks that a media who has been skeptical of her political bullshit represents an attack on her first amendment rights. Sarah Palin believes that questioning a political leader is a violation of said leader's right of free speech.

WHAT? This ass-backwards idiocy would not pass the bar in a 9th grade government class. The first amendment was establish to protect three general principals: the expression of religion, free speech, and freedom of the press. But, according to Sarah 'pitbull' Palin the media are endangering the first amendment by using the first amendment! Like I said before, Palin isn't using sophistry, she simply has no idea what the hell is going on, and no CLUE about our constitutional rights. What else can we expect from someone who needed to attend 6 different colleges to gain a bachelors degree in sports broadcasting.

I feel so embarrassed that this woman is the governor of Alaska, but even worse than that I feel deeply insulted that the Republican party actually thinks the American people will accept her. Who the hell do they take us for? This is a woman who is blatantly incurious, anti-science, anti women's rights, and who wields a supremely juvenile understanding of this country's founding principals. This woman, if her ticket wins the election, will be a heartbeat away from running the country.

How did this happen, and why aren't more people mad.

Unplugged

2008-10-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

I recently returned from a trip to Taiwan. While I was there, for 10 days, life in Bellingham felt a year away but now that I’m back it seems like Taiwan is now just a dream within a dream. Strange how the mind works.

I enjoyed unplugging while there; not reading the news, not seeing the political banter, not understanding much of anything, being completely exposed and open. When immersed in an environment that speaks a different language you become an island unto yourself. I like that, always have. My natural inclination to flee from consensus was fed while there, by design. Being a foreigner in a homogeneous society may bother some but goddamn, I loved it.

I’m working on a write-up of the trip that I’ll post later.

Politics 2008

2008-10-03T12:28:00.000-07:00

After reading the transcript of last night’s VP debate I concocted a theory: the two major political parties in this country think that the average voter is none too bright. Why? A few reasons:

They go to great lengths trying to state they are no different than us, economically and culturally. “Joe Six-Pack”, “Hockey Mom”, “Home Depot shopper”. They think that we wouldn’t want to vote for someone who was different than us and by different they mean smarter or ‘elite’ as is more common in political-speak.

Unfortunately I think this is an honest assessment. Judging by the amount of passion directed towards either candidate by their supporters whenever they try to establish some vague working-class credentials is pathetic. Are we Americans so narcissistic that we think our politicians must be no different than us? The republicans really play off this character defect by unabashedly demonizing smart intellectual types by calling them elites, as if being smart was a bad character flaw. The democrats, being not so different than the republicans also take this theme and use it too. Obama and Biden don’t miss an opportunity to establish their mediocrity, and every time they do it I cringe.

What is wrong with being an elite? Shouldn’t we want the absolute best and brightest individuals to run our technological society? Instead we have a two party system which fosters a mediocrity feed-back loop. We tell the system we want our politicians dumb, and the system turns around and tells us the same damn thing. I would defy anyone to name a candidate in the past 50 years who possesses the intellectual fortitude of Thomas Jefferson or John Adams. Do such people exist any more? I’d like to think so but a ‘Jefferson’, if he exists, definitely wouldn’t subject himself to a corporate run political system of donors and lobbyists like Obama and McCain certainly have. If you don’t have millions of dollars and friends in high places you aren’t getting anywhere politically these days.

This is why I cannot cast a vote with good conscious. We have two choices before us this November, one of which may be slightly worse than the other but both are still fundamentally unacceptable to me. The attitude of voting for the lesser of two evils, a philosophical compromise of ideals, is exactly what has given us this current mess, a mental compromise which when accepted has no end-game and how can it? Isn't it our duty as citizens on this free nation to call foul when things are not right, to toss off government and leaders who have festered for too long? As long as we accept the lesser of two evils, real change, which can only exist from without the current system, will never happen because the mindset simply does not allow a view outside the box. Accepting compromise in the voting booth is the direct cause of leaders like Bush, Nixon, Carter, Obama and McCain and the absolute reason we don’t have a Jefferson or Adams currently in office.

I’ll vote for the first candidate I can find who possesses the seemingly forgotten qualities of a philosopher statesman, an individual, man or woman, who will firmly affix reason in her seat and call to her tribunal all matters requiring judgment or opinion. A candidate who will categorically disengage with sophistry, half-truths, focus polls, and undue influence from religion or money. Thomas Jefferson once said, when asked about his self esteem, “I never had an opinion in politics or religion which I was afraid to own. A costive reserve on these subjects might have procured me more esteem from some people, but less from myself.” Find me a candidate, possesing the above character qualities and I will show you someone who can earn my vote. Until then I'll retain my disgust and repulsion with the two choices of mediocrity we find ourselves presented with every four years.