GB TIMES

Book Report

2009-12-18T19:41:00.000-06:00

Quick! You still have time for a funny Christmas read! The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore is a cute yet funny Christmas tale about a fantasy town and a Christmas wish gone awry. I enjoyed it and it's an easy and fast read. Happy Christmas reading!

Fa La La La La Get the Hell Away from Me

2009-12-17T09:14:00.000-06:00

Today is the coveted office party and what kind of party would it be without frightenly annoying office carolers? OMG. I want to just shoot these people (not literally of course). And the bad part is? I don't know what the hell to do when these people come perusing by! Any types of breakouts in singing make me uncomfortable (as does sex, kissing or other intimate situations but that's another post). What the hell am I supposed to do as they sing 5,000 songs in front of my office? My first instinct is to say "shut the hell up" and slam my door...knowing that would not be WWJD approved, my next instinct is just to run and not look back; however, whenever I hear the carolers drawing near, I get paralyzed. My hands start to sweat, my heart beats fast and I can't move. Trapped in my skin. I mean, what are you supposed to do when carolers come by? Watch attentively and sway? Sing along? Keep working? Stare at them blankly? Ugh! Just too much pressure. I can't deal. This year, I am closing my door all day until it's time for the Christmas lunch, then I am grabbing a plate and hightailing it back to my hideaway. And if they knock? I will more than likely just freeze until I am confident they have caroled their way into someone else's nightmare.

Book (Half Assed) Report

2009-12-15T10:36:00.000-06:00

Ok, I started reading this book and it seemed there was sex on every page which was weirdly annoying but I pressed on to see if maybe it would stop and a real, non confusing story would come forth, but when I started reading about the details of old ass grandma masturbating? Done. You can read it if you like. Maybe it's a really good book but you all know how I am with that sex stuff...eh (I just threw up a little in my mouth). Someone needs to take a power washer to my brain...

Who Says There's No Christmas in Prison?

2009-12-14T10:54:00.002-06:00

It's the holidays. Now is the time to think about all your prison friends. Why shouldn't they have their own special greeting? Exactly. Go to Zazzle and choose from hundreds of greeting cards for the prisoner in YOUR life. Choose from such cards as "I'm Your Prison B*tch" and "You F*cked Up you F*ckin F*ck Up"...spread your joy beyond prison bars this Christmas!

Book Report

2009-12-10T13:11:00.000-06:00

What would you do with an alcoholic spouse? Follow Faith through this twisted tale of hope, faith and love. While a little depressing, this book is entertaining and it's set in Austin, Texas particularly on the UT campus so what's not to love? Look for it by Louise Redd and enjoy a good read :)

Here Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

2009-12-09T12:53:00.000-06:00

Just like last year, I feel I must voice a few of my favorite things in light of the holiday. Not that anyone cares but, guess what, if you don't care, scroll down and read something else (and so don't judge me...):

I will list 12 things for the 12 days of Christmas which is the most annoying song ever but...I digress:

1. Cheese fries:Always a chart topper...with the REAL ranch (the best are at Outback) mmm grease

2. Family: No picture of my family lest they hate me forever though they are a pretty good lookin' set of people (and yes, cheese fries came first...I said don't judge me)

3. Dessert: with the addition of coffee, a sweet treat is a wonderful ending to an already fattening meal! (and not crap dessert like something you get at a fast food joint and no, a shake DOES NOT count as dessert so stop telling me "why you want dessert...you already got a milkshake" and my people? AND?!)

4. Laughter: Laughter is the best medicine especially when coming from a baby (and/or a drunk person)

5. Feeling special: and no, not special ed...you know the feeling you get when someone takes time to let you know they care--that they know you are alive and appreciate your existence? Unfortunantly it doesn't happen a lot to me but hey, when it happens? Freakin Awesome!

5. Mula: Nothing better than pay day or any other day you get your hands on some mean green (legally); something about not having to pay bills on faith that make me smile :)

6. Smiling: Nothing beats smiling. Reading something or finding something inside that makes you smile is priceless

7. Freedom: to do what I want when with no questions asked. As a busy mother, this has gotten much harder (if not impossible) to achieve but I have made a new committment to trying--Life's too short to waste it being accounted for

8. Warm things on Cold nights: I love yucky weather as long as I can stay home and cuddle up with hot cocoa and a thick blanket doing nothing...that? makes me happy

9. Thunderstorms: Don't judge me. Something abou the majesty of severe thunderstorms that makes me happy. I can't really explain it.

10. Things to look forward to: Whether is be a vacation, time off, a date (which, by the way, never happens) or even a phone call/IM from someone special makes it all worth while

11. Saving Ching Ching: Which coincides with my other favorite thing. Something about saving money makes me excited! Just call me the coupon queen

12. No Stress: Being able to place my fears, hopes and aspirations in God and allow Him to take care of everything? Aweseome! I used to fret and worry and fret but now? Please? It is what it is and it will end like it will end. No more cluttering my mind with craziness

This list is in no way exclusive but it's what came to mind today. Of course I love things like my kids, etc but those are givens...these are a few things I rarely think about and some I need to get back to doing. What are some of your favorite things? (notice I didn't mention diamonds? so not my best friend)

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown!

2009-12-09T09:57:00.000-06:00

It's a classic so why not watch it here? I have been watching/listening to it in the car so many times I feel I can act the whole thing out (but I will spare you all the tragedy)

Enjoy!

a charlie brown christmas

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MySpace Video

Bidazzled

2009-12-08T15:56:00.000-06:00

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Bidazzled. All opinions are 100% mine.

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Hey Cocoa Pebbles! Tired of Hearing How Fine You Are (Thanks)

2009-12-08T11:21:00.000-06:00

Boob lady, from my earlier post, has just been bugging me lately. I don't know if it's the holiday cheer or the new weave but she has really been feeling herself lately (ok, not literally that I know but you get what I'm saying). Everyday, I cringe because I know she will choose to tell me, out of all the people in this office, about her breasts and how fine she has been looking lately. Granted, I am excited she is losing weight and is on the weightloss train full force. Yes, her weave is tight and she's been stepping out right lately but dang every day? "I'm so fine. I need to find me a boo" First, who says boo anymore? Really? Second, I am so tired of hearing how fine she is. I get it. Now will you get on and get some fine work done? Yes? Excellent.

Book Report

2009-12-07T13:20:00.000-06:00

The snow allowed me to finish another one! Parallel Play by Thomas Rayfiel is about a new mother unsure of her life--marriage, baby, past all begins to catch up with her and she begins to search for what she really wants. The book is kinda choppy in the sense not all the ideas go together and you can get lost with all the direct and side talk but it's an alright read if you just need something to get through the week.

Oh No They Didn't (insert neck roll)

2009-12-07T09:07:00.000-06:00

Can someone please tell me why my son's winter program has a $18 cover charge? What is this? A club? For $18 I need a bar and music all night...at least some food and a drunk man hitting on me. Damn! Not to mention we already forked over $25 for a monkey costume (exactly, Christmas + Monkey = oil + water...had to go all algebraic on ya'lls as*). In a word? This is some bullsh*t for real. As I contemplate getting my monkey costume money back and just taking my son to the Children's Musuem for free...Because, truthfully, my son will be the first class to perform and like hell am I staying for the rest of the program...listening to kids singing songs I can't understand what they hell they are saying. Getting elbowed by parents trying to get the perfect shot. Please. I long for old school days when we just went in matching sweatsuits, sang a song and rolled out...WTH!? What should I do blogspot peeps? Cause I am seeing red.

Deep Thought (Odd For Me...True)

2009-12-03T16:21:00.000-06:00

I had a copy of this hanging on my door when I grew up. During hard times, I would stop and read it...it would brighten my day on some weird intellectual level...hope it does the same for you...I imagine it's even more powerful if you are high when you read it but I haven't tried that so...(the last part is my fav)

Excuse Me But...

2009-12-03T13:51:00.000-06:00

I feel I need to qualify the following picture. This was on PCH.com (that would be Publisher's Clearing House) and I WAS NOT surfing for porn...at all...it was listed right above the "Grease Be Gone" cleaner...odd combinations, I tell ya.

All that being said, is this lady wearing a button up bra and sweater thong? I didn't even know those existed...

What Kinda Reindeer Are These Anyway?

2009-12-03T09:20:00.000-06:00

The reindeer pulling Santa Claus' sleigh are:

•Dasher

•Dancer

•Prancer

•Vixen

•Comet

•Cupid

•Donner

•Blitzen

•Rudolf

With the exception of Rudolf (mayor of dorkville) and Donner (sounds iffy) why do all the reindeer have stripper names? Maybe that's how they get the $ to make toys during the off season...

Enough With Your Tits Already!

2009-12-02T15:55:00.000-06:00

There's a lady at my job that talks about her boobs all the damn time. MY LORD! She has named them and refers to them as such things as "twins" and "girls". Every conversation? She mentions her boobs. I. Am. So. Over. It. I know, I know, you can catch pies with 'em, make men walk into the ladies room with 'em, lure men with 'em, scare men with 'em, make men stare at 'em and even make them almost choke you. You can make 'em jump, flop, sag or even stay at attention. No bra can hold 'em and they make it difficult to sit in a booth. Blah. Enough already with the titty talk...it's starting to make me weirdly uncomfortable...

Bucket List. F*Ck It List (Let's Call the Whole Thing Off)

2009-12-02T15:51:00.000-06:00

Not that I'm old, cause I'm not, but does it mean anything if your F*CK it list is longer than your bucket list? I mean, I haven't physically sat down and drawn up a bucket list but every time I get a bill I say "I am going to make it my goal that this sh*t isn't ever this high again" to which I proceed to turn off all the lights...One day I am going to sit down and write out my bucket list with real live goals and aspirations but, right now? I have a f*ck it list and I pretty much add to it every day. What's on your list? Either one interests me...

To Lie or Not to Lie (is that really the question?)

2009-12-01T17:08:00.000-06:00

We have been told that lying is a sin (and/or bad) since we were little but was that a lie? I mean, think about it. If everyone told us the truth all the time, how depressing would that be? "Do you love me?" "Not at all" "oh.." tears/suicide. "Do you like working here?" "Hate it like the plague but I need a check so..." "interesting..." termination/soup line "Do I look fat?" "Like a cow" "oh..." depression/tub of Ben & Jerry's...You get the point. We lie to make other people happy which is sad and weird but it's true. We can't always be 100% truthful because our fragile hearts (and crazy minds) can't take it. Lord knows we are hard enough on ourselves. We can't take strangers or even friends being harder. Every day would be gray and that? Makes for a sucky life. I mean, look at me, I lie a lot...that's why people like me :)

Don't Ask Me That Again (Please)

2009-11-30T09:09:00.000-06:00

Since I have cut my hair, people began to ask me "what are you going to do with it now?" The first month it was fine and I would respond "maybe this or that". The second month it was starting to get on my nerves so I would respond "oh, I don't know" in a "even if I did know I probably wouldn't tell you" sort of way. But now? I am so sick of that question I just respond "something" because really? What does it matter what I do with my hair? Must I answer all these questions? How about I am going to do what I am going to do with it, and when I do it, it will be done and if I don't like it I will do something else...how bout that?

Tofurky & Gravy Soda?...umm...not so much

2009-11-24T18:50:00.004-06:00

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Jones Soda. All opinions are 100% mine.

The gracious people at Izea gave me the whooper-tunity to try a strange ditty they call Tofurky and Gravy Jones Soda Now, just with the name I was a little nervous but I must say the complimentary turkey hat made me happy to I tasted it and…well…it was salty to say the least.

Truthfully, I had the strange idea it would taste like turkey or maybe gravy, and, while it was salty, I tasted no turkey or gravy per se. Granted, the light, mucus-y brown color of the soda didn’t help.

Hubby tasted it thinking he just won the jackpot to soda-ville but looked at it like it was sewage and, even in all his blackness, I believe he turned a faint shade of green after his first swig.

For the most part, I think it’s a cool idea but a no go for taste. The packaging is neat and awesome though I don’t really understand the point of the chucks in leaves but I guess that could relate to turkey day? I can’t say I would give this to anyone for a real gift though it would make a great gag gift and maybe, with enough booze in someone’s system, someone may actually like it. It perhaps looks like a collector’s item so I will place it on the shelf to collect dust until I get tired of looking at it…then I will just throw it away or give it to the homeless.

Book Report

2009-11-24T16:36:00.000-06:00

The First Assistant by Clare Naylor and Mimi Hare is a follow up to The Second Assistant. Reading like the first book never ended, this book takes you through even more adventures and hilarity as the first. An intriguing yet light read for your holiday weekend. I will be taking a reading break over the holidays so use this as a time to catch up with me! Weeee!

Who's That Knocking on my Door?

2009-11-24T10:26:00.000-06:00

It's my last day til Thanksgiving vacation. I should be excited, but instead I am sitting here quietly, secluded in my office hoping to not be noticed. Why? Because it always seems when I am about to go on an extended vacation the gates of Hades open and about 15 minutes before I leave everyone and their mom comes e-mailing and calling me about matters that need to be taken care of before I leave. Or they will say the magical phrase "I mean, you don't really need to worry about it until you get back" knowing full well I will worry about that thing the entire holiday. So what happens? I start running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure things out and get it all squared away. Not this year. Oh no. I will lay lower than dust and hopefully skimp under the radar. I have already written my Out of Office Message and have never been more ready to kick rocks in my life (this will be the longest vacation I've had since August). Sure, I will be gone longer during Christmas but I will gladly take this vacation too...well deserved don't you think?

Happiness is...

2009-11-23T16:17:00.000-06:00

I have been asked by someone special to do a post about happiness. I put off doing it because I am not 100% sure that I know but, after much thinking, I believe happiness is the following (for me anyway)--this list is by no means exclusive:

HAPPINESS IS

laughing with friends

good food

innocence of a child

getting away

the holidays

being at peace with myself and my circumstances

Ultimately, happiness is being able to look in the mirror and say "I am truly happy. Nothing worries me. There are things going wrong but that's okay. I don't have to save the world. I choose to leave it all to God and smile inspite of." Happiness is watching my children play, speaking to a special friend and acting silly with no regrets. Happiness is this.

What is your happiness?

Do You Want Me to Rob You (Or Not So Much)

2009-11-20T08:33:00.000-06:00

In my attempt to get gas yesterday I reluctantly pulled over at my fav gas station (read: one with the cheapest price) and inserted my card. Of course, as luck would have it, their debit machines were broken (and/or i didn't have enough to get gas...umm that could have been a possibility) so I had to go in and pay cash. With this realization, came a dilemma. You see, my kids were in the car. Should I A) run in and pay and run back out before CPS comes whipping up and arrest me for being an unfit mother with my face plastered all over the 6:00 news or do I B) unhook all intricate car seats and safety belts and risk my son wanting every crunchy salty item in site? I went with option A knowing I could get pretty good speed so, armed with my $20, I sprint inside. Of course, the attendant is MIA. Seriously? WTH? I wait. And I wait. All the while looking frantically back and forth from my car to the attendant's desk. Then I just got pissed. Seriously? Who leaves a gas station desk unattended? I could have easily stuffed my purse with today's hot doughnuts, and chips. At this rate I could have heisted 2 cases of beer and a slurpy. Dude. So I walk back and forth saying "hello?" Maybe he had some bad chicken from next door and was paying dearly to the porcelain god. "Hello?!" no answer. Now I am getting nervous/pissed. Half of me wants to walk behind the counter, turn the pump on and take an additional $20 for good measure. The other half wants to leave but I know I dont have enough gas to make it to work. Then, I start thinking, what if he thinks I am going to rob him and he is going to come out and go all guns of glory ape sh*t vigilante on me with a machete and machine gun? eeee So i opted to just stand and wait and before I could spin on my heels and pray I make it to work on fumes, here comes the attendant. All 10 minutes later (do you know how much loot I could have taken in that much time?). This was a robber's dream! "$20 on 5" I say as I hand him my money. He stares at me like I am not speaking English (and/or his language of choice). So I spell it out for him "$20. On. Pump. 5. (as*hole)" He snatches the money and I am out the door...ugh! WTF?

In other news? I witnessed a wreck today. Car v. Bus. I think you know who won. Ouch.

Oh By All Means, Don't Move

2009-11-19T08:42:00.000-06:00

Growing up, I always believed all the men in the church were nice and had good home training, however, as I have aged in the church, I have seen I am gravely mistaken.

Case in point? Yesterday I went to church with my children. Now, in may left hand was my daugther and her bag. My right hand contained my son's bag and 2 full bags of canned goods for the food drive. Across my body was my daugther's diaper bag (yes, she has 2 bags...shut it) and on my shoulder? My purse. My son was following in tow. I tell you all this so you can imagine what it looked like as I tried to open the door. Now, at the front, sits a nice christian man playing solitaire (I can imagine) on the computer. His job? To greet and HELP people as they come in. In my struggles he looks at me and then looks down and continues playing his game. After much trepidation, he finally says, without looking up, "You got it?" I just looked at him. None the wiser, he says "watch out for little man's fingers." To myself I thought, "you know what...ok...stay calm, we are at church." What I really wanted to say was "For real though? You are just going to sit there and play games while I struggle through the door? No hello, how are you? Dude seriously? No no don't bother walking away from your game to help little ol me...I guess I will forge through this door somehow. I wouldn't want to ruin your score." Ugh. To add insult to injury, once I am finally in the door, he replies "where's your husband?" "On travel." "Hmm, he travels a lot" Thanks for your input. I couldn't have lived without it.

Book Report

2009-11-18T16:09:00.000-06:00

The Second Assistant by Clare Naylor & Mimi Hare is about a young girl beginning a new career in Hollywood as, well, a second assistant. The book is entertaining and an interesting and easy read. With sex details minimal, the story climaxes nicely (ok, that just sounds weird). Enjoyed it!