The Musings of Marisa

Happy Birthday Cole!

2010-01-04T09:56:00.002-07:00

You see that little boy in the picture above? That is my son, Cole. Six years ago today he was born. To say that his entry into the world was traumatic is an understatement. He came 4 weeks early and I nearly bled to death in the process. But since the day he was born, Cole has brought so much joy in our lives. He is a fighter. Despite being born early, he never had to go to the NICU. At 6 weeks old he was hospitalized with RSV. Possibly the scariest time in my life. But he pulled through like a champion. I was told that he would have life-long asthma, something I struggle with myself. But I drew comfort in the fact that I would know how to help him. However, at his kindergarten check-up he showed absolutely no signs of asthma. Something I've very grateful for.

Cole is the funniest kid I know. I love how he sees the world and the comments he makes. He says things that have us laughing out loud. He's also so, so smart. He picks up on things quickly and I'm constantly amazed at how smart he is. He has a tender heart and really cares about people. He is also very helpful and wants to help me clean, pick-up, and such. He is much more cautious than his sister, but still has an adventurous spirit. I love this little boy. I don't know what my life would be like without him. Before he was born, like most second time mothers, I didn't know if I could love another child like I loved my first. But the minute Cole was placed in my arms, I fell in love with him. There's a Cole shaped spot in my heart just for him. I am amazed that 6 years have gone by since that moment I first held him.

Coley bears, I LOVE YOU!

I got pulled over last night because I'm an idiot

2010-01-03T13:13:00.004-07:00

Last night I went up to the hospital to visit a client. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home to pick up milk. I had a lot of things on my mind due to work and I just wasn't thinking. I wasn't very far from my house. I was blasting music and trying to drowned out my thoughts. When I turned right onto the main street to get to my house, I was pulled over by a police officer.

Might I say, I was a little embarrassed? Considering my brother-in-law, whom I respect very much, is a police officer and I wouldn't want to reflect badly on him. This officer was so nice and so respectful. I was very contrite and apologized numerous times. I was also very polite, because I know that's how I want people to treat my bro-in-law when he has to pull people over. I was speeding, I did something wrong, and I admitted it.

I was so grateful and thanked the officer profusely for letting me off with a warning. Trust me, I'll never speed down that stretch of road again and I'll try to control my lead foot on other roads as well. The officer did issue me a citation for not changing my address within 10 days (I honestly didn't know I had to do that) and for not having current insurance info on me. We have current insurance, but it's the car the hubs mainly uses and he hadn't printed off our new cards yet. The officer was very nice and even gave me directions to the justice court and told me just to present my change of address and my insurance card and it will be resolved. He was very kind to me. I've been pulled over a fair amount of times in my life (I haven't gotten a ticket since I was 19, though) and I've never encounted a police officer so understanding and so courteous. I've been yelled at, I've been condescended to, I've even had officers flirt with me. I was very impressed with him, and I think I'll let his superiors know that.

So yeah, I learned my lesson. You won't find me speeding and blasting Jay Z from my radio again on a Saturday night.

New Year's Resolutions

2010-01-02T09:15:00.004-07:00

Since it's the new year, I better make some resolutions or something. In 2009, I pretty much knocked it out of the park, as far as resolutions go. I accomplished so much more than I ever thought I could. So I hope I have another year like 2009.

Resolutions for 2010

1 - Get used to writing 2010.

2 - Do another Half Marathon. Since the Ogden Half is already full, I will be signing up to do the Top of Utah half in September. Until then I will train and do smaller races.

3 - To try to start running.

4 - Continue on with Lose It and get under my BMI.

5 - Have fun! Get out and do things and not just stay at home doing nothing.

6 - Make a new friend. Should be easy since I'm in a brand new ward.

7 - Put in a yard, start finishing the basement, paint.

8 - Save money for my trip to New York City the first week of June so I can have lots of fun.

The End

2009 - A Year in Review (With Pictures)

2010-01-01T09:00:00.001-07:00

JANUARY

On January 20th, the United States of America inaugurated it's first African-American President. A very historic moment, for sure, and one that meant a lot to me personally. Not only did it mean the end of the horrifyingly embarrassing Bush years, to me it meant a new hope. A better and a brighter future for my children. One of my favorite quotes from President Barrack Obama's inauguration speech:

The time has come to...carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea passed on from generation to generation, that God given promise all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue the full measure of their happiness.

FEBRUARY
The hubs and I celebrated our 10th Valentine's Day together. These are the beautiful flowers he got me. By buying them, he donated the money to Pancan.org, an organization dedicated to the treatment and research of pancreatic cancer. A double gift.

MARCH

On a beautiful day in March, the hubs and I had the pleasure to attend the sealing of a very important family to me. Out of respect for their privacy, I will not post their picture. This family means so much to me because we all worked, prayed, worried, shed tears, prayed some more, made a billion for phones on behalf of, cried, worked, (did I mention prayed?), to make the adoption of their little girl possible. From announcement to sealing was about 13 months. I've never worked harder for a family in my life, and it's never meant more to me. Going to the temple with them that day was one of the richest, most sweetest, spiritual experiences of my life, and one I will treasure in my heart forever.

APRIL

On the 24th, MJ, Ems, and Hollz and I went to go see Wicked, a fantabulous Broadway musical. It was AMAZING! Thanks to Hollz's old job, we got fantastic seats (4th row floor!) and sat only two rows away from the incredibly hunky Jazz basketball player, Kyle Korver. It was a fantastic night!

On the 25th, I went brunette! For the first time in about 5 years. It was a very different transformation, and it's been a million different shades of brown since then. I've learned that blondes may have more fun, but brunettes are sexier!

MAY
In May I lost my good friend, Jeneane Hughes, to Lou Gehrig's disease. She was an amazing woman with a huge heart, a great sense of humor, and a fighting spirit that left us all in awe. She will be forever missed.

On the 16th, I did the impossible (I thought). I walked 13.1 miles. Around a reservoir, down a canyon, through a parkway, and down a Boulevard. Boy, did my feet hurt! It was one of the biggest accomplishments of my life (aside from having my 3 beautiful children). One of the benefits of training was an increased lung capacity. Another was my increased self-worth and sense of accomplishment. I learned that I can do hard things.

JUNE

On the 6th, our beautiful daughter Reilley was baptized. We are so proud of her. She looked so beautiful and happy that day. She also looked very tall as she was a full head taller than the other 8 year olds getting baptized that day.

The hubs ran the Ragnar Wasatch Back race. I'm so proud of him. 12 miles over a 100 mile course. He hasn't really run since high school, and he set his mind to it, and he accomplished it. He also said he had fun along the way.

Our darling baby, Dane, turned 1 year old! We celebrated by going to the Aquarium in Sandy with Aunt Amanda, Uncle Shane, cousins Michael and Eli, Peepaw, and Grandma Neva. Later we had a big family party where Dane consumed copious amounts of cake and got very messy.

JULY
On the 28th, I turned 31. Now that I'm officially in my 30s I've learned that it's not about how old your are, it's how about young you look!

AUGUST

On the 20th, Casey and I celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary. 10 years of very wedded bliss! We actually got some very bad news that day (which later worked out very well), so I spent most of the day crying. But that night we went to Maddox and toasted our very happy 10 years together as husband and wife with some of the best fried chicken in the history of fried chicken, the best corn pones in the history of corn pones, and Mountain Dew. A great evening, indeed.

On the 29th, we celebrated the wedding of Casey's brother Kyle and his beautiful bride, Cazree. This added 2 new members of our family and we are so glad to call Gahndyn a newphew and Cazree a sister.

SEPTEMBER
On the 12th Casey's brother, Ryan, married Emily. But I'm not allowed to show a picture of that or even talk about it.

OCTOBER
On the 17th, my brother Victor married his very beautiful bride, Jennika, on one of the most gorgeous fall days I have ever seen. The day was perfect, the bride and groom looked blissfully happy, the food was fantastic. I truly felt my Mom's spirit in the temple that day as Vic and Jenn said their vows to each other. I know she is so happy for her son and had a hand in bringing Jennika to our family. I love you guys!

NOVEMBER
On the 25th, we moved into our very first home. We signed a contract with our builders in July, they dug our hole in September, and 2 months later, our house was built. WE LOVE IT! We have waited a long time to move into our dream home and we are so happy. Definitely the bestest present I've ever gotten.

DECEMBER

We spent our very first Christmas in our new house. Although I got sidelined by a kidney infection, it was truly a wonderful Christmas season. I loved all the things we did to celebrate this year. From going down to the see the lights at temple square with my sister and her family, to going to the Mormon Tabernacle Christmas concert, our annual trip to Christmas Village with our friends the Richards, making kleiner with my sister, Lille Yule Nacht, Grandma's house on Christmas Eve, to Christmas morning with my family and our traditional aebelskivers. The best presents I got this year was the continued love of my wonderful husband, the health and happiness of my children, a safe and beautiful home to live in, my health, and the love of all my friends and family.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2009 - The End

2009-12-31T09:00:00.002-07:00

My sister-in-law, Emily, did this on her blog and tagged all of her friends and family. This what I did in 2009.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

I did a half marathon, which I never thought I'd do. I lost 26 lbs after I stopped training for the marathon (go figure), and I bought my first home. Yay me.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My New Years resolutions were to get in shape, do a half marathon, lose weight, buy a house, and floss more...so yes, I actually kept them!

3. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?

I have no idea since I'm recovering from a kidney infection. I hope I don't spend it in bed.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, I lost my good friend, Jeneane, to Lou Gehrig's disease in May.

5. What countries did you visit?

Dude, I don't even know if I left the state of Utah. Oh wait, I took a quick jaunt through Idaho up at Bear Lake this summer.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Nothing. 2009 was a pretty damn good year.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

May 16th - I did the impossible called the Ogden Half Marathon

June 20th - my baby's 1st birthday

November 25th - I moved into my first home

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Half marathon, improved lung capacity, my new home, 8 adoption placements, the continued health and happiness of my children and marriage

9. What was your biggest failure?

This was not a year of failures for me. Only long worked for triumphs.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I was sidelined by bronchitis a couple of times and now this dang kidney infection. I injured my knee lifting too much weight, but it healed quickly and the PA said I have young, healthy knees.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Um hello, my house!

12. Where did most of your money go?

Um hello, my house!

13. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Anything by Lady Gaga. This was HER year. "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus. "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson.

14. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Nothing. This was the year I actually started doing things. I ate salad for crimety's sake!

15. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Stressed out over situations I had no power or control over. Gossiping. I'm bad at that. Complaining.

16. What was your favorite TV program?

"Community" is definitely my new favorite. I was surprised and touched by MTV's "16 and Pregnant." Especially the amazing Catelynn and Tyler.

17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Hate is a strong word. I would say there are people I dislike more now than I did last year. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that I trust them less.

18. What was the best book you read?

"The Glass Castle" by Jeanette Walls. It's a memoir of her youth and I've never felt more grateful for my boring, stable childhood.

19. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I really like a couple of Lady Gaga songs, but other than that, I'm liking all the new stuff from all my old favorite musicians.

20. What was your favorite film of this year?

Definitely "UP". I was crying within the first 15 minutes. And, the wonderful, amazing, glorious "Princess and the Frog." I've never cried so hard for a lightning bug!

21. What did you do on your birthday?

I got to tell one of my longer waiting adoptive couples that a birthmom had picked them, so that was awesome. I went to dinner at the Olive Garden with my fam to celebrate mine and my bro-in-law's birthday. We had a fabulous meal of OG breadsticks and Strawberry Sicilianos.

22. What kept you sane?

The hubs is my #1 rock of sanity. He's my anti-depressant. Exercise and yoga. The sweet smiles from my baby and the funny and tender moments with my kids.

23. Who did you miss?

My mother. Always and forever.

24. Who was the best new person you met?

I would have to say that I didn't meet this person in 2009, but definitely my friendship with my co-worker, Kari, blossomed over the year and I consider her a very good friend now. We talk about everything. She's the only person who could make me do a half marathon.

25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:

I can do hard things.

Lose It - The Break

2009-12-29T10:26:00.002-07:00

This past month I've taken a month off from calorie counting to focus on my very busy schedule at work and to enjoy the holidays. It was nice. I'll start back on Lose It on Monday, January 4th. During this break I haven't been able to exercise as much as I would like. We moved and I wanted to start walking outside, but then this lovely thing called inversion descended upon our valley and it's bad for people with normal lungs to breath that stuff, let alone an asthmatic like me. So I haven't been as active and I haven't really watched what I've eaten. I haven't gone overboard, I just haven't obsessed over every calorie.

Well I stepped on the scale this morning fully expecting to gain weight. I was shocked to see that I weighed about 3 lbs less than the last time I got on the scale. It could be because I've lost some muscle mass. Or as the hubs suggested, with me being sick, I could have lost weight. That's what happens when you puke up your pain medication (I'm a light weight) and don't have an appetite.

So, this is it folks. This is my last week lounging around, trying to recover from a kidney infection, and eating whatever I want. Then I start fresh with Lose It 2.0 on Monday.

Kidney Infections suck

2009-12-28T09:38:00.002-07:00

For the past 2 days I have been cooped up in my bedroom recuperating from a kidney infection. I get them semi-regularly, even though I haven't had one in a couple of years. One of the many doctors I've seen about it thinks I have urine reflux or whatever. All I know is, they're very painful. This one hasn't been as bad as ones I've had in the past. At least I don't have a fever with this one.

Truth be told, I'm getting a little cabin feverish. It's a good thing I love my bedroom suite and I finally have a TV in my bedroom. There was a "Law & Order: Special Victim's Unit" marathon on Sunday and that was awesome. It's one of my favorite shows. Well, I better stop writing because the pain meds are kicking in. Just to recap, kidney infections suck, they're painful, and I'm tired of being stuck in bed.

Christmas Memories

2009-12-24T10:20:00.006-07:00

To me, Christmas will always be about watching my Mom make kleiner for hours and hours, and hanging around waiting for scraps of dough. It's about watching "White Christmas" while decorating the Christmas tree.

My first Christmas - my sister Amanda was 6, my Mom was 33

It's about going to my Great Aunt Beth's house in Honeyville on Christmas Eve, playing with my cousins, having a gift exchange, singing Christmas carols.

My Mom, with my brother Victor, and Great Aunt Beth (my Dad's in the background)

It's about Christmas morning and my parents having us line up by age (later it was by height) to go open our Christmas presents. It's about a stocking full of nuts I could never eat and giving them to my Dad. It's about having aebelskeivers for breakfast every Christmas morning. It's about Christmas dinner at my Grandparent's house eating Danish banquet soup with pumperknickle bread, Danish dessert, and kleiner. It's about a 2 week vacation from school, snow on the ground, and end-of-the year specials on TV. It's about celebrating the birth of my Savior and reading Luke 2 on Christmas morning.

What are your Christmas memories?

2009-12-22T21:22:00.003-07:00

Dear Stomach,

Why do you hate me? I've tried to avoid the Christmas treats, while still letting myself indulge with some self-restraint. I've tried to eat healthy meals with good nutritional value. And yet, you turn against me. Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Please stop waging war on me. I love you. You and I usually have a very good life together. I eat and you digest for me. I will do whatever you need so that you can forgive me and return back to normal. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Your trusty human

Girl Interrupted

2009-12-20T20:36:00.005-07:00

Dear Brittany,

To your funny and awkward performance in "Clueless." You won our hearts with your portrayal of Tai, who went from geek to chic, an ultimate fish-out-of-water.

To your heart-breakingly real and honest performance of Daisy in "Girl Interrupted." Where you shocked us all with your breath-takingly truthful portrayal of a mentally unstable girl driven to her illness through the molestation from her father.

To your funny, best-friend performance of Fay in "Riding in Cars with Boys." You out-shone your co-stars with your warmth, goofiness, and charm.

I can't help but think the world lost a great talent. It is truly such a waste. Brittany Murphy, dead at 32. Rest in Peace.

Update

2009-12-20T10:33:00.002-07:00

In this post I mentioned that I love the Tuna Helper called, Tuna Tetrazzini. Yesterday the hubs and I were out buying our lumps of coal for the children and my sister told us to go to Big Lots. Best. Idea. Ever. We wouldn't have been able to afford Christmas this year without them! Another surprise at Big Lots is that I found Tuna Tetrazzini! Oh happy day! Now I don't have to sacrifice my soul and integrity for some tuna and noodles seasoned to perfection.

I'm sick

2009-12-17T18:20:00.003-07:00

I feel like a crap sandwich with a side of apple sauce. I haven't been sick in a long time. Actually that's not true. I was sick for most of August and couldn't work out. This is a cold, though, and not bronchitis. Which means I can actually breath. I'm kind of scared because I visited a client last week that had a cold and now she's in the ICU with swine flu. I don't think I have it because that would be a really slow acting virus. She's okay, thank goodness, and the ICU is mostly preventative. I blame myself. It's not like I don't know that I have bad asthma and I spent 3 days in a row outside in the cold. But the Christmas lights were so pretty!

Today my two oldest kids and I had two cavities filled a piece. My kids are really weird because they like going to the dentist and they like going to the doctor. Yesterday they got their second dose of the swine flu vaccine and they bragged about how brave they were. My dentist commented today on how much braver my kids are than some adults. My dentist is really good though. He numbs up your gums with a topical analgesic before he gives you your shots. Besides the horrible taste, I barely knew what he was doing. One of my cavities wasn't deep enough to warrant a shot on that side of my mouth. I've never had a tooth drilled into and not even felt pain before without some numbing medication. Oh yeah, I'm tough.

That's right, I'm talkin' Politics

2009-12-15T08:22:00.001-07:00

I'm always going to have something to say. And what I have to say is always going to be different than most people around me. I was born different. A lot of people think that what I believe must be because I had liberal parents indoctrinating me into their beliefs. This couldn't be further from the truth. My parents never discussed politics. My Mom hated all discussions of politics. They never even told each other who they voted for, and they definitely did not tell us children. They never told us what to believe politically. Spending her formative years in Washington, D.C. during the civil rights movement, my Mom always told us that someone's race wasn't important and we should treat all people equally. Her best friend Gloria was black and she saw first-hand the racial injustices inflicted upon her friend. Not only did my parents pound this belief of racial equality into our heads, they showed us through their actions. My parents are two of the nicest, most decent people I've ever known. So, if that's liberal, than so be it.

I think the first time I realized I was different from most people in Utah was in 1st grade. Someone mentioned the deer hunt and I freaked out. I couldn't imagine there were people out there who killed innocent animals for sport. For food I could understand (and I still do), but killing something just for the sake of your own entertainment, I don't. It was also the year Reagan ran against Mondale for President. My 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Danielson, held a fake election in our classroom. I was the only one who voted for Mondale. All I knew is what I gleamed from TV and that was there were millions of Americans out of work and my 6 year old self was aware enough of the world that the old guy on TV with the soft voice had something to do with it.

It wasn't really until high school that political differences with my peers became more pronounced. It was while I was in high school that Rush Limbaugh's radio show was also on TV and I remember thinking to myself, "what the hell is wrong with this guy?" He was so far from anything I was used to. I couldn't imagine demonizing someone just because they don't agree with you. My like-minded friends and I (which were few) joined the Weber County Young Democrats. It was great to be with people who agreed with me for once. We tried to start a Young Democrats club in high school and it was at this time that I realized that a lot of conservatives in Utah are deathly afraid of liberals. They teach their children to hate them. They really do. In their minds all liberals are bad. Our posters advertising our new club were ripped down and torn to pieces. We had a hard time finding a teacher to be our advisor. I had fellow classmates tell me I was going to hell. I got into political debates in my A.P. classes and was always told that because I was a liberal I was stupid. Really? That's the only way you can win an argument?

I was so excited once I got to college because I thought maybe I would meet more fair-minded people who didn't automatically hate you once they found out you voted blue and not red. I saw a flyer on campus advertising the College Young Democrats. I was ecstatic. I went to our first meeting. There were literally 3 people there. Two seniors and me, a little freshman. They wanted to make me an officer right away. After that night, I never went back. I wanted a community, not an uphill battle. So I pledged a sorority, made life-long friends, and we hardly ever discussed politics. It was weird because we all knew where each other's political leanings lied and we respected that and never ostracized each other for it.

Honestly, voting for the first time when I was 18 was very exciting. This was the year Clinton ran against Dole for a second term. That quarter I had a Political Science class and for extra credit we could do exit polling on election day. I got put in a group with two other men who were married and had children. Of course we talked politics that day and they just patted this little freshman on the head, going through her post-adolescent idealistic phase, and told me that being a liberal was stupid. One man told me that his father was so conservative that if you didn't vote Republican on election day then you weren't welcome at the dinner table that night. Being the mouthy broad that I am, I retorted, "It sounds like your father is a controlling asshole." He agreed, but would not sway in his belief that Dole was going to win that night. The next morning on the shuttle bus I ran into him, he glared at me, and said, "I bet YOU'RE happy." I think I said, "yeah I am. My guy won."

Fast forward a few years and I was dating my wonderful husband. He comes from a very politically conservative family whom I love dearly. He is more of an independent. He knows what I believe, but I've never pushed my political beliefs on him and forced him to believe what I believe. I respect his right to determine for himself what he thinks is best politically. I respect his autonomy from me. It was Christmas time and we were watching, "A Christmas Story." As you probably know, the class in the movie is asked to write a theme entitled "What I want for Christmas." Well, I'm sorry, but it's blatantly obvious that most of those kids are Jewish, so I jokingly remarked, "what about the Jewish kids. Shouldn't they get to write what they want for Hanukkah?" Well my father-in-law-to-be freaked out on me and said that I sounded like one of those damn Democrats. I replied, "I am a damn Democrat!" I was shocked. It never occurred to me that being respectful and conscientious of other people's religious beliefs made you a crazy liberal. Maybe it's growing up in a multi-religious household that made me aware that everyone's religious beliefs are personal and just as good as my own. I've had a couple of other run-ins about politics with my in-laws, but I decided a long time ago not to engage. They're never going to change my mind, I'm never going to change theirs, and there's no use fighting about it and ruining a relationship over something trivial. Although comments have been made behind my back that have hurt my feelings, I choose to ignore them. I love my in-laws and I respect their political beliefs.

This is the thing...I no longer consider myself a Democrat. I do consider myself to be a Utah Democrat because they need all the help they can get. But after the pussy Democrats in Congress didn't impeach George Bush, Jr. for war crimes and lying our way into an illegal and immoral war, I cannot consider myself a Democrat ever again. I now consider myself to be independently liberal.

Most recently I had a friend on Facebook, who was a good friend back in childhood but we grew apart in high school, seriously ask my why I was a liberal. She was almost attacking me, like how could I call myself a good Mormon and be a liberal? I told her my moral and ethical beliefs warrant that I would support more liberal policies. She didn't understand this. To her morality is all about the abortion issue, as if all liberals were pro-choice and all conservatives were pro-life and only liberals got abortions or something. Well no, I believe society has a duty to take care of the infirm, the old, the children, and mentally ill - to protect the weakest in our society. She said she believed that too but also felt that people should be self-sufficient. Yeah, able bodied and capable people should be, but that's not what I'm talking about. The thing that bothered me was that I've never confronted one of my conservative friends and forced them to justify their beliefs to me. First of all, I don't care enough to do that, and second of all, that's not my right. Like I mentioned, I respect all of my friends and families and our different or alike beliefs. The only time I discuss politics is around people who have similar beliefs to mine. I do this because I'm very passionate and I don't want to push my beliefs on someone else. Unless you come to my blog willingly and then you're going to get an eyeful.

I think there's a misunderstanding that people think that I indoctrinate myself by listening to liberal talk radio all day long (does it exist?), that I watch Keith Olbermann every night (on occasion, I'd say once a month), that I read thedailykos.com or the huffington post (I don't). The funny thing is I've come to believe what I believe all on my own and what I believe is constantly changing and evolving. I'm tired of defend myself for my political beliefs. I think some people in Utah are so used to having everyone agree with them that they're threatened by the one person who doesn't.

So that's me. Like it or leave it. I don't change for anyone. I try to be a good, understanding, compassionate person, and sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't. I just ask that if our beliefs are different that you respect that. I'm lucky that most of the people I love do.

A Fantastic Weekend

2009-12-13T21:36:00.002-07:00

This weekend has been really special. Saturday my family and I took the train to Salt Lake City. It was a smart choice considering the non-stop snow and closure of I-15 due to more endless construction. We went to the Discovery Children's Museum at the Gateway. I had won a free family pass at an Adoption Walk I went to in November. We met my sister, my brother-in-law and my two adorable nephews there and we had a great time. There are so many things to do. We could have spent all day there and not gotten bored. I loved seeing my kids and nephews have so much fun. My little toddler was just running around, so happy with his freedom. You know it's a great place when the parents have just as much fun as the kids.

Then we went and got dinner at the food court there at The Gateway. The Gateway is an outdoor mall and I love how it looks at Christmastime. We walked out into the dark, with all the Christmas lights shining, and the snow falling and my kids were just enthralled. It was so magical.

After dinner, all of us walked over to Temple Square to see the Christmas lights. I just love Temple Square at Christmastime. I don't love the crowds, the annoying teenagers that travel in obnoxious packs, but I love the way the temple is lit up, all the nativity scenes from all over the world, and the beauty of the lights and the temple. I love walking up to the Visitor's Center to see the Christus. Temple Square helps remind me what Christmas is all about. Sharing that with my dear sister and her wonderful family was just a great way to get me into the Christmas spirit.

Riding the train home was a lot of fun. Neither the hubs nor I had to worry about driving in the snow, finding parking, or deal with traffic and crappy Utah drivers. It was just a pleasant ride home. Despite my 5 year old son asking me at every stop if we were there yet.

This morning the hubs and I had the opportunity to go the Mormon Tabernacle Christmas Concert at the Conference Center in Salt Lake City. They had Natalie Cole and David McCullough has special guests. First they did "Music and the Spoken Word." Next they had a mini concert. I can't explain how beautiful the choir is to listen to in person. It's like listening to a choir of angels. The Orchestra at Temple Square was amazing and they had a few Children's Choirs and dancers perform. The hubs was sick, and even after getting home late, and getting up early, he said it was worth it. The organ solo alone was worth going for. You all will get to see this concert when it airs on PBS next Christmas. Natalie Cole was gracious and had a lot of nice things to say about her hosts and the church. President Monson was there and he presented Natalie Cole and David McCullough with special thank yous. It was the last concert over a 4 day period, and the choir sang "God be with you 'til we meet again" to Natalie and David as a way to thank them for performing with them. It was so beautiful. There is never a time where I don't hear or sing that song where I don't have tears come to my eyes. I could see from the screens that Natalie was emotional as well. Even the 4 block walk to our parking lot in several inches of snow while it was still snowing and wearing high heeled boots that gave me 2 very large blisters on the balls of each foot couldn't take away the wonderful spirit the hubs and I both felt there.

Right as we got in our car to drive home, my Dad called and asked how the concert was. I didn't tell him we were going, so I was kind of shocked. He and my step-mom had driven down there without tickets and stood outside a door looking pathetic until a nice usher gave them tickets. They loved the concert and were so glad they went. We invited them out to lunch with us and it was so nice having a meal with my parents without little kids interrupting us every 5 seconds.

The poor hubs was so sick so I had to go to my Dad's house tonight alone with the kids. They invited us over to see their Christmas tree and served us hot cocoa and very delicious treats. I was so happy to see my brother and his wife had come. It was so nice to visit, share memories, and get excited for Christmas this year.

I'm a big homebody and I really don't like to be busy on the weekends. It's like my only two days to rest. It's usually only one day with church on Sunday. But this weekend, even though I basically was only home to sleep, it was truly wonderful. I haven't felt the Christmas spirit in a long time. Working retail during the holidays literally beat it out of me. And then there was school and finals working against me as well. The last two Christmases have been hard what with losing my Mom a month before Christmas in 2007 and traveling to Indiana last year for my Dad's wedding 2 days before Christmas (literally, the most stressful week of my life...try combining travelling at Christmastime with a baby and bad weather, mixed with coming home at 11:00 pm on Christmas Eve, and throwing your father a wedding reception 2 days after Christmas). I'm really thankful to recapture an exuberance for Christmas that I haven't felt in years. I already have the best Christmas present I could ask for (a wonderful family and a new house) and honestly, I don't need much else.

The Dish

2009-12-11T21:59:00.002-07:00

I'm addicted to Dish Network. It's changed my life. I've never had a DVR before. We had Media Center on our computer that recorded our shows, but it is in no way as cool or as good as DVR. I have like a bazillion channels. I have two favorite new shows on networks I never had before. "The Locator" and "Adoption Stories." I had a "The Locator" marathon on Thursday where I watched 8 episodes over the course of a day. It was awesome. Thank you DVR! Thank you Dish Network. I love you.

Here's the Thing

2009-12-10T12:24:00.002-07:00

I never cared about Tiger Woods before and I certainly don't care about him now. His sexcapades matter so little in my life and frankly I'm tired of hearing about it. I try to avoid it and I still see it everywhere. Are we really shocked that a world famous athlete, who is so obviously entitled and self-important, would cheat on his wife with multiple women? This isn't even a new story.

Last night on Barbara Walter's special, "The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009," she asked Glenn Beck what he hoped people would say about him in 10 years. He said he hoped people would say that he was wrong. Well Glenn, you don't have to wait 10 years. YOU'RE WRONG!!!

Why I will not shop at Wal-Mart

2009-12-06T10:55:00.002-07:00

I'm not trying to tell anyone else where to shop or what they should spend their money on. I know everyone works hard for their money and how they choose to spend that money is deeply personal. It really doesn't bother me where other people shop, but apparently there are people who have a huge problem with the fact that I will not spend the money I work hard for on Wal-mart. To me it just goes into the pockets of the billionaire Walton family. It's not a classist thing for me. I hear lots of people talking about the dregs of society who shop at Wal-mart. For me it's a moral and ethical issue. These are my reasons for, no matter how good the deal is and no matter how many times people pester me to shop there, why I will not shop at Wal-mart. Will not. Ever.

1 - Their poor record on worker's rights. For those of you who rant and rave about all the people who rely on public assistance, then you better not shop at Wal-mart. Even though this company grosses billions upon trillions of dollars a year, the Wal-mart Corporation refuses to pay their employees reasonable benefits and actively trains their managers on how to help their employees apply for public assistance. Really, Wal-mart? If you make a huge profit on cutting prices then you should be able to reward your hard-working employees with health benefits. Not to mention that they do everything possible to undercut worker's hours so they won't be considered full-time and qualify for said benefits in the first place. As a social worker, this deeply, deeply offends me. The point of having a job is so that you won't have to rely on public assistance. I know for a lot of people that going on public assistance is humiliating enough, without your employer encouraging you to do so just so that the Walton family can add another wing to their castle. They need to take a lesson from Costco where all the employees own a share of Costco therefore having a vested interest in the company's success. The CEO of Costco makes the lowest of all CEO salaries in the country so that he can pay the workers of Costco more. Ever notice how unhappy all the employees are at Wal-mart in comparison to places like Costco. Ever notice the level of customer service? It's all connected. Also, Wal-mart may have low prices now at the cash register, but you're paying for it in higher taxes supporting all their employees they refuse to give health benefits to.

2. Their detrimental impact on small businesses. When I worked at Smith's 7+ years ago, there was talk of Wal-mart building small neighborhood stores to compete with local grocery stores. Our upper management was scared sh**less. The reason is Wal-mart came out and said that the only reason why they were doing it was so that they could put the small, locally owned, grocery stores out of business. Why Wal-mart? Do you really need more money? A lot of people complain about Microsoft being a monopoly, but they've got nothing on Wal-mart. Just where I live alone, I could go to six Wal-marts within 20 minutes of my house. This is ridiculous. It used to be that if someone had a dream of owning a small business, our country supported that. I believe it's called the American dream. What happened to all our Mom-and-Pop stores where the owners knew you and you knew them? What happened to supporting our neighbors and putting money back into our communities? Now it's all about supporting the greed of the Walton heirs.

3. They take government subsidies from small towns. Wal-mart has a history of going to small towns throughout the United States and making agreements with the local governments that say that the small town will pay to have electricity lines, sewers dug, etc. to entice Wal-mart to come. Really Wal-mart? You can't afford to dig your own sewers and hook up your own power lines? What bothers me is even though Wal-mart is a corporation of billionaires, they're taking money out of the pockets of these small towns that could go to important things, like I don't know, the schools, the police departments, the fire departments, civic improvement. But who needs their children to be educated? Who needs protection from the police and fire departments? Who needs parks, sidewalks, roads? What we all need is more cheap crap from Wal-mart.

4. They have insufficient environmental protection policies. Wal-mart is notoriousness for not giving a crap about the environment. Forget all those warm and fuzzy commercials from them about "going green" and caring about the neighborhoods in which they live. Wrong. They don't mind not properly storing fertilizer so that when it rains those toxins seep into the underground drinking water. Turning fields into a vast concrete jungle. We won't even get into how the production of the products they sell have wreaked havoc on the environment.

5. Their aggressive and violent anti-union stance. I can understand why Wal-mart wouldn't want their employees to unionize. If they allowed their employees to unionize, they might actually have to treat them with human dignity. They might have to offer them health benefits. They might have to pay them fair wages. It's not just that they don't want their employees to unionize, it's the tactics they've used against their employees. If they even hear talk of unions, they will fire you. And that's just if you're lucky.

6. The hyper-consumerism attitude they promote. Really America, do we need more "stuff?" I love a new pair of shoes probably more than the next gal, but I can't even believe how much "junk" is sold at Wal-mart. Our desire to keep up with the Joneses, or accumulate more stuff to fill our empty souls, has gotten out of control. Wal-mart feeds this. "Stuff" has never made anyone feel happy. No matter what they say, they just want you to shop, shop, shop!

7. Sam Walton would be ashamed if he knew what Wal-mart has become. His simple dream to give low prices to customers has led to a giant corporation that personifies greed. And he has his children and grandchildren to thank. They literally live in a compound that this so protected that it makes Fort Knox look easy to break into. If there was a nuclear holocaust, the Waltons would survive. Their compound is a series of mansions that exemplify excess. It's disgusting. And every time you buy something from Wal-mart, you are putting more money in these sycophant's pockets.

So these are my reasons. I'm not trying to convince anyone else that they shouldn't shop at Wal-mart. You need to do what's best for you. I cannot, in good concious, know these things about Wal-mart, and shop there. One of my most flavors of Tuna Helper (Tuna Tetrazinni...it's so good) is only sold at Wal-mart. I would love to comprise my values and go and get me some. But I just can't. Sometimes in life you have to take a stand for things you believe in, and this is something I believe in. Please don't encourage me to shop at Wal-mart cause it ain't gonna happen. If you buy me something from Wal-mart, I will say "thank you" and use it and appreciate your generosity. I'm not telling you where to shop, I'm just explaining why I can't shop there.

Personally, I admire my sister and her family for growing their own food, shopping their local farmer's market for locally grown food, and for shopping at local small businesses. If I lived in a larger city, I'd do this more. My in-laws get a lot of their produce from a local food co-op and by growing it themselves. Not only does this save money for them, but it supports local growers, small farmers, and the food just tastes better.

For more info on this subject check out the documentary "Wal-mart: the High cost of Low price" by Robert Greenwold.

Double Conditioning

2009-12-04T19:18:00.003-07:00

I know I can't always write about deep, philosophical things. Sometimes just the simplest things make me happy. Things that are really luxuries and pure vanity in other parts of the world. This blog is for all my thoughts, deep and shallow alike.

I have started doing something in the shower that has changed my life! Two weeks ago my friend Kari and I went to see, "The Blindside." Out of all the messages I got out of the show, who knew the one that would impact me personally the most is when Leigh Ann (the Mom) tells Collins (the daughter) not to double condition her hair in the shower after a volleyball match because they were in a hurry? Um, hello! I sat there thinking, "people do that?" So the next time I hit the shower I put in conditioner, left it for about 5 minutes, rinsed it out, put in more conditioner, left it in while I shaved my legs, and then rinsed. Wha-la! My hair has never been softer and more manageable. My hair gets seriously tangled throughout the day and double conditioning has put an end to that. Also, it's not as staticy as it usually is during winter (staticy hair drives me bonkers!). Since I use a very hot flat iron on it every couple of days, I feel it's important to protect my hair with twice the conditioner.

Okay, so that was my totally vain gushing for the day.

Our new Home

2009-12-03T13:29:00.003-07:00

I'm not trying to brag or hold my house above anyone else's. I'm just fantastically happy that I finally own a home. I never thought it would be possible, especially not in this financial climate. So I write these things to share my joy with you. Who knew that some 2 x 4s, some dry wall, and some paint could be a dream come true? The dream for my family to grow up in a home of our own, in a neighborhood with kind people, to live in a community that is safe, has come true. So I say this with great humility, as I never thought I would realize my dream.

Top 10 things I LOVE about my house

1. When I walk into my garage, the motion light automatically turns on. No more fumbling around in the dark trying to find a light so that I can get something out of my garage. Or trying to load my kids in the minivan in the dark.

2. My deep bath tub. Taking my first bath in there the other night was heavenly. I love to read while taking long, leisurely baths, and I finally have a comfortable place to do it in.

3. My detachable shower head! Now I can reach the hard to reach places and get them clean. And I can get all the conditioner out of my hair and we can hose down the kids.

4. My kitchen counters are all granite. They are so beautiful. The laminate counters in my old kitchen were 30+ years old, ugly, hard to clean, and falling apart. My large island in the kitchen to cook on is fantastic. I wipe them down constantly just so I can touch them.

5. It's CLEAN!!! I have lived in dirty, well lived-in rental homes since I got married in 1999. Our last house was literally falling down around us and there was nothing we could do because our landlord just didn't care. There is nothing that makes you feel more defeated than living in a home you hate.

6. My kids love their bedrooms. They take so much pride in having a space of their own that they're making their beds everyday, they're cleaning their rooms, and they're just taking care of their things. Their old room was just dirty, over-run with toys, and my daughter and my son had to share a room and they were getting way too old for that.

7. My laundry room. It doesn't double as a bathroom anymore! It's really hard to clean a bathroom when there's dust and lint coating everything. I love putting all my cleaning supplies in there.

8. I'm actually taking joy in housekeeping for the first time in my life. I never thought I'd love to sweep my floors or vacuum. But because it's mine and I want to keep it nice, I love taking care of it. I really do. I'm kind of scaring myself with my sudden domesticity.

9. My master suite. The hubs and I finally have our own space and PRIVACY. How wonderful. We bought a new bedroom set. We've never had one that wasn't made of cheap, crappy particle board. I love it! It just brings me joy to walk into my bedroom. In the old house, it just made me tired and made me want to give up.

10. The family that I love more than life itself lives here.

Internet Starved

2009-11-30T21:53:00.002-07:00

This is the first time I've been able to blog for almost a week. We moved into our new home Wednesday night and haven't had internet access until today. It has been the longest 5 days of my life. That is really pathetic. Sure, I've used the hubs' iPhone just to keep in touch, but it's not the same. I figured out I really like typing. I'm so glad we're back online. Now all we need is cable television and we won't be living in the stone age anymore. Yay!

I'm a Home Owner

2009-11-25T11:22:00.002-07:00

Yesterday the hubs and I closed on our very first home. Finally! It seems like it's been the longest process ever. We went to our builder back in July and signed a contract for them to start building the home. Since then we've been on a roller coaster ride of the highest highs and devastating disappointments. Building a home is hard.

But it's been even more than that. The hubs and I have been renting for 10 very long years. Since we got married over a decade ago, we have lived in other's people's homes. Our first apartment was great, but we were on the bottom of a three story building and it sounded like our upstairs neighbors were bowling all of the time. Next we moved in with my grandma right after my grandpa died. She was scheduled to have hip replacement surgery and she needed people there to take care of her. Really, she loved my grandpa so much she just needed someone there to keep her going. During that stay at grandma's (which felt much longer than the 9 months we spent there), I got pregnant with our first child. Not wanting to raise her in my grandma's basement we searched and searched for the right apartment for us.

Even though we weren't looking in this area, the hubs and I were both drawn to a house we drove by almost daily that had a "For Rent" sign outside. I know we were meant to live there. Not because the tiny basement apartment was a great place to live. It wasn't. We were supposed to be in the ward we're in now. Words cannot express how much we love our ward and how the friendships we've made there have helped us progress to practically inactive to a temple recommend holding, sealed for eternity, kind of family. We lived there for one year in that tiny apartment under a pair of hard-partying drag queens and didn't like it much. My visiting teacher lived in a duplex owned by her parents and let me know that her sister and brother-in-law who were living there were moving out and they needed new renters they could trust. The size of the apartment was HUGE and we readily said yes. Our little girl was only a year old. We stayed in the downstairs apartment until our next child, our son, was 6 months old. My visiting teacher and her family moved into their house and we decided we wanted the advantages of living in the upstairs apartment (i.e. a garage and access to the backyard). Since then we had another child. So really, we became a family in this house. This house will be special for that reason. And so not special for many, many other reasons.

The journey to get here has taken forever. We've been through so much. I don't want to say we deserve a nice brand-new house because nobody "deserves" something like that. But we have worked so hard for it. We've prayed, saved, paid off debts, cried, and been disappointed. A year ago I remember crying to my sister saying that we'd never be in a financial position good enough to own a home. And now we're here. I wish I could fully articulate how long and hard this journey has been. How long we have waited to have a home of a home. How long we have waited to give our children a place that is safe, where I don't have to worry if they're playing in the front yard or walking to school. How it has felt to watch all of friends take this step, some even two or three times, while we stayed behind and rented. It has been very hard.

We started our married life in debt and have slowly accrued more debt because of medical expenses and such, and have spent the last few years slowly climbing our way out of debt. Our biggest debt was finally paid off (a proverbial monkey off our back) with the money my Mom left me in her life insurance when she died. If it hadn't been for us paying off that debt, we would have never gotten this house. So in essence, my Mom helped us get this house. My sister believes that my Mom had a hand in getting them their beautiful home they bought last year. I feel like my Mom is definitely in our lives still, watching over us, and being our angel.

Today we got our keys and we're moving in. Moving in and moving on to a new life. A better life.

Lose It - Week 26

2009-11-23T09:43:00.002-07:00

Well peeps, this is the thing. I have way too many things going on in my life right now to count every calorie and worry about working out each day. Between moving into a new house after 5 1/2 years in our current place, an adoption this last week, Thanksgiving, another adoption hopefully taking place in a couple of weeks, and the holidays, I'm too stressed out to worry about continuing to lose weight. I need to just live my life right now. So for right now, I am suspending working on Lose It and writing about it in a regular feature on my blog until after the holidays. That should give me enough time to settle into my new house, concentrate on supporting another client through an adoption, and enjoying the holidays for once. In January I'm going to start again while I train for the Half Marathon in May. I've finally decided to do it again next year. This time when I take on Lose It again in January, I'm going to focus more on nutrition and building muscle and maybe even being able to start running for the first time in my life.

For the last time until January I stepped on the scale this morning and I gained 0.8 pounds. For that last month, I've either gained weight or stayed the same. That is okay with me. I've had a very, very stressful week. Yesterday we had a Thanksgiving dinner with my family and my Dad made the most delicious potato soup and pot roast. I'm surprised I didn't gain more! And if I did, it would still be okay.

I'm still going to monitor what I weigh and be thoughtfully conscious of what I eat, so that I don't gain weight, I'm just not going to actively pursue weight loss for right now.

I've been doing this for 6 months now and I've grown and changed in so many ways. Actively being present in your life and pursuing health instead of just merely existing day to day, is amazing. It's been an great journey. It's more than just the 21.6 pounds I've lost over the past 6 months. It about feeling empowered in my own life. On Saturday as I was packing, I was going through the pile of clothes that I had set aside that were too small for the children. In that pile I found a pair of black dress slacks and a shirt that I love, but discarded because they were too small. Now they fit again. Being able to reclaim something that makes me feel beautiful, well makes me feel even more beautiful. I've become stronger this past 6 months. In 2009, I changed my own life. I did a half marathon. I lost 21.6 pounds of grief weight. I bought my first home. A banner year for me, for sure. In 2008 I merely was just existing, trying to muddle through grief, pregnancy, and being a mother to 2 very active school aged children and a newborn. I feel like in 2009 I decided to really live again, and to me, Lose It has been much more than an app on my Ipod.

STRESS!!!

2009-11-22T09:31:00.003-07:00

This is me right now. It has been a very stressful week. Right smack dab in the middle of an adoption this week, my agency replaced all of our cell phones. For an entire day I didn't have access to my contact list. Just when I need my phone most! I spend several hours on the phone with customer service just to get my dang new phone to work right. On top of all that we're moving. I literally spent 11 hours yesterday packing with hardly any breaks. If it wasn't for my great friend Kari and my in-laws, I wouldn't even be 1/2 as close as I am to having my entire house ready to transfer to a new house. Breath and Reboot. That's what I'm doing this week.

A question of Bravery

2009-11-17T09:00:00.001-07:00

Recently, on a blog I read regularly, there was a post about Sgt. Kimberly Munley who is credited as being one of the civilian police officers who helped take down Maj. Nidal Malik at the Fort Hood massacre. The author questioned whether or not this 5'2" 125 pound woman proves that woman are capable of being effective in combat situations and whether or not woman should be allowed in the American military as combat soldiers. I expected a high spirited debate over this question, but there was something I did not accept.

One of the commentors actually said that what Sgt. Munley did was not brave! Please, all my readers who are police officers, will you tell us whether or not putting yourself in the line of fire, engaging someone in gun fire, and taking the gunman's attention away from the people he's shooting to you, thereby distracting said gunman from taking more people's live, and being shot 2 times in the process, is a brave thing to do? Whether it is your job or not.

Sgt. Munley was at the end of her shift and was washing her cruiser when she got the call that shots were fired at Fort Hood. I don't know what all her options were at that point, but I know she took the most difficult one where she put herself in harm's way to save others. That's brave!

When I argued with this idiot, they had the audacity to say that police officers and soldiers are not brave just like cancer patients are not brave for having cancer.

Well that did it. You don't step to me about cancer patients not being brave and not expect a verbal onslaught. In fact, I'm still seething with rage. I guess this person is entitled to their opinion no matter how idiotic, moronic, unsympathetic, hardhearted, callous, cruel, heartless, pitiless, cold, insensitive, uncaring, and devoid of any compassion it is.

I don't care what anyone says...Sgt. Munley is BRAVE! She's also one helluva woman who makes me proud!

Lose It - Week 25

2009-11-16T09:00:00.004-07:00

In Defense of my Weight Loss:

When I started this journey 25 weeks ago the goal was always to improve my health. I never expected to come out of it looking like a super model. I don't look at fashion magazines and berate myself for not having the bodies of the women in the ads. First of all, I know most of those ads are photoshopped to begin with and holding yourself up to an impossibly physical standard of beauty is just crazy. Second of all, I don't have a typical model's figure. It would be an unachievable goal to think I could starve myself down to a size 0. Even at my skinniest I was a size 6. And that's perfectly fine with me. I love my curves. Most people believe that Marilyn Monroe was the sexiest woman alive and she was a size 12. That's good enough for me.

Throughout this process I've come to love my body in a way I never have before. And I don't mean because I've lost a lot of weight or suddenly I look "good." I thought I was hella fly before. I mean because I finally realize the power my body has. When I crossed the finish line at that half marathon I felt like I had just been beaten up. I hope when I cross the finish line next year I don't hurt as much. I've had asthma my whole life and I have let it hold me back. I told myself over and over again I could never be an athlete, that I could never do anything physically active. I let myself fail at sports to prove to myself that I couldn't do it. It was easier to give up or not participate than to try and fail. But now I can run for 90 minutes on the hardest program on my elliptical machine and it barely phases me. I feel great afterwards. I feel strong. I feel healthy. It makes me believe that I don't have to hold myself back anymore. I don't have to make excuses. I can be physically strong as well as mentally and emotionally strong.

As I mentioned before I started Lose It to get healthy. There is nothing healthy about sitting on your butt, never doing anything physical (not even a walk around the neighborhood) and never eating a fruit or vegetable. I'm sorry, there's just not. And that was what I was doing before I started training for the half marathon last January. Every time I go to the doctor and have to give my family's health history I feel doomed. Just my mother's health problems alone are daunting. I've had more than one nurse or doctor say, "you're poor mother." The two closest females to me genetically have both had cancer. That scares me. It has been proven that eating healthier foods and exercising help fight off cancer. I don't want to leave my family at a young age. I want to watch my children and grandchildren grow up. I want to grow old gracefully and healthily. Not wanting to get cancer is the reason why I wear sunscreen and don't go to tanning salons. If I'm going to protect my outsides, shouldn't I protect my insides?

I also am slaying a personal demon by losing this weight. Two years ago when I had just graduated from college and didn't have a job yet, my Mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. With no school and no job to distract me, and my two kids in school, I had nothing better to do than sit on my butt, barely mentally functioning, eating Oreo cakesters. This was my coping mechanism. This is how I survived. I've never been an emotional eater. I've never turned to food for comfort in this way before. As a result I gained about 25 pounds. I then got pregnant and was able to concentrate on something besides my mother's death. In essence, this weight loss is symbolic for me. It's a shedding of pain. It's telling the cancer that took my mother it cannot beat me. It will not win. Every pound I lose it one step closer to slaying the beast.

So am I happy about losing weight? Hellz yeah. I finally fit into all my old clothes from 3 years ago. I'm happy at the weight I'm at now. I feel comfortable in this body. So if I continue to lose weight as a result of working out, I'm going to let that happen. I'm going to let my body figure out what is the best weight for itself.

This journey is only about me. I'm not trying to tell others how it needs to be for them. I think that whatever size you are doesn't matter as long as you're healthy, happy, and you love yourself.

Now, to get to the business at hand. I stepped on the scale this morning and I didn't lose a single ounce. That's two weeks in a row with no weight loss. Which leads me to believe one of three things. One - this is the weight I'm supposed to be and should now worry about maintaining it. Two - it's winter now and it's harder to lose weight in winter because your body starts preparing to stay warm and builds up fat stores. Or three - I'm under A LOT of stress right now with work (2 potential placements in the next couple of weeks) and the move and it's hard to lose weight when you're under stress. It doesn't matter because I'm happy at this weight.

I recently read a poem by Maya Angelou that really spoke to me. I want to be a "Phenomenal Women."

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder

where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit

a fashion model's size.

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,

it's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I am a woman,

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman.

That's me.

Rock on peeps, on to week 26.