tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78560042009-11-10T20:59:53.678ZThis is NOT the official weblog of Mark Thomas; this is a place to post his articles and news to bring them to a wider audience. This blog is in no way endorsed by the activist/comedian Mark Thomas. Most of the posts appeared on www.NewStatesman.com - hopefully they won't object to them being republished here.Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1155026672735300932006-08-08T08:43:00.000Z2007-01-13T03:45:19.670Z

It is not every day of your life that you hear the phrase, “When Nicholas Parsons comes out, Nottingham will be waiting for you.” And, once heard, it is a difficult phrase to forget. How could anyone forget anything involving the prospect of Nicholas Parsons coming out? Let me explain.Having written a book about the arms trade, it seemed only natural that I should want people to read it, so, at

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1149200282446777502006-06-01T22:17:00.000Z2006-06-01T22:18:02.463Z

In over 21 years of performing I have done some weird gigs. I have been threatened at Glastonbury by a bloke on acid; I’ve dressed in green Speedo trunks and jumped on stage wielding a butter knife. I’ve had a Tory councillor resign after a gig at a council-sponsored show. I have performed at everywhere from Jewish stag parties to striking miners’ soup kitchens. I have shared dressing rooms with

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1147337083584406972006-05-11T08:43:00.000Z2006-05-11T08:44:43.596Z

A friend of mine named his toilet “the Hezza”, after Michael Heseltine, back in the darker days of the Thatcher years. I don’t know if it is a common habit for people to rename household items after politicians, but for some years now I have called our bidet “Prescott”, because I don’t know what that’s for either. His sex life is unimportant – politicians can shag manhole covers, for all I care,

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1146141889068362342006-05-01T21:00:00.000Z2006-04-27T16:13:46.370Z

It seems like only yesterday that Tony Blair was invading Iraq and lecturing us about how sometimes in government you have to do what is right rather than what is popular. This week it seems it is important to do what is popular. (If only he could manage to be both right and popular and get lost... ) But if “popular concerns” were the guiding force behind political action, MPs would have slashed

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1146154560883273862006-04-24T16:13:00.000Z2006-04-27T16:16:00.886Z

For some in Britain, slagging off the European Union (something I am about to do for the next 900 words) is an instinctive act of patriotic faith, akin to not knowing the second verse of the National Anthem. For many of us, the EU remains a quasi-democratic institution in search of an electorate. Quite tellingly, we tend to see the EU not so much as a vehicle for change as a means of registering

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1143814856361799672006-03-31T14:19:00.000Z2006-03-31T14:20:56.376Z

A few months ago I watched a 16-year-old schoolgirl, Ellie, from Oxford, phone a tank manufacturer in Romania. Ellie was part of a group of British students who formed their own arms company and ran it once a week at lunchtime.“I want to chat to someone about a tank,” she said. “What kind of tank?” asked an uncertain eastern European voice.“A TR-85 M1.”“You want a price?”“Yes, that would be great

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1142441747399185112006-03-15T16:54:00.000Z2006-03-15T16:55:47.413Z

Tonight With Trevor McDonald is not something that some folk admit to watching. Mainly people don't admit to watching it because it is rubbish. And in any case, they don't watch it. Tonight With . . . is less a current-affairs flagship and more of a Herald of Free Enterprise ferry - big, brash and lying on its side in the harbour.However, I was moved to watch the "Has Coke lost its fizz?"

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1140998047840012142006-02-26T23:51:00.000Z2006-02-26T23:54:53.796Z

Being a card-carrying confused liberal, ie, someone who is resolute in their lack of certainty, I was dismayed - as I'm sure you can imagine - when I sliced open an aubergine to find the seeds forming a picture of the Prophet Muhammad holding an AK-47. What was I to do? Should I send the aubergine to Denmark for publication and risk another half-dozen embassy fires, or send it to Koranic scholars

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1138378774017518622006-01-27T16:17:00.000Z2006-01-27T16:19:34.036Z

Charles Kennedy is a recovering alcoholic. Mark Oaten has a predilection for rent-boy rough action. It has taken some time, but finally the Lib Dems are starting to behave like a proper political party. All we need is for Menzies Campbell to have a string of undeclared directorships and for Simon Hughes to have left his council tax unpaid for the past ten years, and the Lib Dems will have truly

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1134824177919024922005-12-17T12:55:00.000Z2005-12-17T12:58:10.116Z

A few years ago I received a campaign e-mail from some students which, without any evident sense of irony, was entitled F**K CENSORSHIP. I replied under the new title FUCK C*NS**SH*P, only to be informed that while the sentiments were appreciated, the organisers didn’t want to upset anyone and were sticking to F**K. My further response, which elicited no reply, was entitled YOU SILLY C**

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1131540551006857592005-11-07T12:47:00.000Z2005-11-09T12:49:11.016Z

A long time from now, after George Bush has left office, after the massed ranks of American forces have withdrawn from Iraq, way into the future, perhaps at a time when the US is not the most indebted nation on the planet, an enduring image of American power will remain in the minds of people all over the world. And that image will be an orange jumpsuit. No single image can conjure up America's

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1130102231374506202005-10-23T21:15:00.000Z2005-10-23T21:17:11.383Z

A little while ago the American evangelist Pat Robertson, while talking about the Venezuelan president, Hugo Chavez, said it was time the United States took him out. Robertson would have to guide someone like me, an atheist, to the biblical reference that justifies the killing of a world leader to stabilise oil supply, but I am sure it is there amid the pillars of salt and jawbones of asses.

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1128692206374960342005-10-07T13:35:00.000Z2005-10-14T10:09:01.536Z

We expect politicians to say preposterous things: it's part of the pay-off for having them. They get into office, promptly ignore us and then berate us for not being interested in them. On the upside, we can always rely on them to utter something so ridiculous, it makes David Icke appear statesmanlike. Charles Clarke, for example, said he hoped to have abolished antisocial behaviour by 2010. For

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1128205578982283842005-09-26T22:24:00.000Z2005-10-01T22:26:18.986Z

The Defence Systems and Equipment International (DSEi) arms fair in London this month was an interesting time for me. A mugshot of me from the CO11 Public Order Intelligence Unit is part of a "spotter card", designed to help police identify troublesome protesters at the biennial arms-fest before they can commit any nefarious acts.Each spotter card has pictures of 24 individuals, lettered A to X.

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1126350032518363692005-09-10T10:56:00.000Z2005-09-10T11:00:32.910Z

Mark Thomas's original plans for this column were to present a constructive yet critical analysis of new Labour's promise to introduce a law of corporate killing, which is to replace the old corporate manslaughter law, making it easier to prosecute companies and individuals for health and safety failures that result in death. New Labour pledged to introduce this law back in October 1997. This

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1122989094575107712005-08-01T13:23:00.000Z2005-08-17T12:52:56.113Z

Officially, Britain doesn't negotiate with terrorists, and in the case of the Islamic militants following in the footsteps of Osama Bin Laden it is unlikely we will see them clutching leather-bound zip folders and strolling into Acas. At the risk of stating the obvious, suicide bombers rarely have a compromise position. Even if they did, no sane person would sit in a room with them, especially if

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1122989309060347232005-07-18T13:27:00.000Z2005-08-02T13:28:29.070Z

It is time for Bob Geldof to fuck off. Yes, he did organise Live 8. Yes, this has helped raise global awareness of the impoverishment of Africa. Job done. Thumbs up. Fuck off. He said he wouldn’t mind going to the House of Lords, so send him; shove him next to Birt and Thatcher, where his brown-nosing of new Labour will be lost in the sea of vicious ermine. I don’t care how he goes: put him in

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1122989467139431152005-07-04T13:29:00.000Z2005-08-02T13:33:54.463Z

I recently discovered that my Make Poverty History wristband is an ideal size for keeping the greaseproof paper on jars of home-made jam. Guests to our house can now choose from an array of politically conscious preserves. We have jams opposed to bullying, anti-racist jams, choose-life jams and a quirky anarchist conserve to Make Property History. All I need now is the Qaeda jihadist wristband

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1119011072917159482005-06-17T12:22:00.000Z2005-06-29T10:30:31.540Z

America is in debt. It probably owes millions merely from the bank letters that charge £20 to tell people they are in debt. America owes so much that I expect to see George and Laura Bush on TV advertisements sitting on a battered sofa, dressed in football shirts, saying: "We found it really easy to consolidate our debts into one loan with manageable repayments." However, it was the developing

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1117812603500188042005-06-03T15:26:00.000Z2005-06-17T12:29:57.146Z

Just out of curiosity, I decided to see if Nostradamus mentions Paul Wolfowitz becoming president of the World Bank. A leading architect of the Iraq war put in charge of the west's leading mechanism for alleviating global poverty surely merits a mention on the path to Armageddon.Sadly, he doesn't, though there is a passing reference to David Icke, a frog ringtone and the mark of the beast that

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1116618367227563342005-05-20T19:45:00.000Z2005-05-31T13:11:48.273Z

The war on drugs was a difficult war to fight, as essentially it was a war on plants. Notoriously hard to suppress and tricky to negotiate with, the plants have won. Fortunately, they have been unable to articulate their victory, saving numerous governments from embarrassment. Now we have the "war on terror". Again, difficult to fight conventionally, as "terror" is a concept, an emotion and a

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1116110801364847802005-05-02T22:43:00.000Z2005-05-14T22:46:41.373Z

"Are you thinking what we're thinking?" Well, if you are thinking: "I'd rather get cancer than vote for Michael Howard," then the answer is: "Yes I am!" If, on the other hand, you are thinking: "Committed and casual racists vote Tory!" then the answer is: "No." Never has an election campaign been so offensive and yet so dull. Remember that someone actually got paid to come up with "Forward not

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1111660256168501192005-03-28T10:29:00.000Z2005-04-06T08:54:05.416Z

The more eagle-eyed among you will have noted that the sale of stun batons from the UK was banned in 1997. You get full marks for legislative awareness if you knew that brokering - that is, acting as a middleman and arranging deals for goods that don't touch UK soil - became illegal without a licence on 1 May last year. Previously, if a UK broker moved guns directly from Thailand to Sudan, say,

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1111660684820238432005-03-14T10:36:00.000Z2005-03-24T10:38:04.826Z

As responsible citizens, we have to choose between public rights and public protection, which is why I propose that anyone who looks like Hazel Blears, the Home Office minister, should be stopped and searched by the police. Some innocent people may be caught in the net but we can't risk her launching further attacks upon our liberties. I also believe we should forcibly attempt to remove the wasp

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7856004.post-1109334174063784752005-02-25T12:22:00.000Z2005-03-24T10:28:01.126Z

I feel the need to explain myself to you, my dear readers, you curious onlookers at this journalistic car crash that I call a column. Yet again "Baby Blunkett", Charles Clarke, features in this week's light-hearted romp through our postmodern, liberty-lite, corporately sponsored Labour landscape. Though I will admit to being mildly fascinated by some aspects of Clarke, in particular how his face

Peter Gasstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13838157043479915215noreply@blogger.com0