Concateknit

Jumping Ship

2005-05-15T10:04:00.000-04:00

Hi All -

I've been having nothing but trouble with blogger these days, and I think that's contributed to some of my blogging ennui. In order to mix things up a bit, and (hopefully) to make myself a little less frustrated, I've jumped onto the typepad bandwagon.

Please stop by and visit me at:
http://concateknit.typepad.com/concateknit/

I hope to see you over at my new digs soon!

2005-05-14T11:48:00.000-04:00

Picture Post

2005-05-13T20:14:00.000-04:00

I mentioned I went to Portland - but I forgot to mention which Portland I was in. I guess I assumed you would know which Portland I meant.

Okay, I assume that you assume too much. I know this.

Here - let me help you guess which Portland I was in:

Powell's, the most awesome bookstore EVER.

Ah, now you know - I was in Oregon! Remember, I did grow up in California, so I kind of always assume Oregon when I hear the city of Portland mentioned.

While I was there, I also saw these cutie patooties:

These little elephanty guys were so cute that I had to wave at them when I saw them. Does that ever happen to you? You see something really cute, and no matter that it's an inanimate object, you still feel the *need* to wave at it? No? You say it's just me. Huh - who knew?

By the way - Portland was a lot of fun. They've got some great beer there, a Nordstrom Rack, and people are friendly. Now, I'm not saying anything about people in Boston, but, well, the people of Portland were just *really* friendly.

So, last night I had some muffins to make. (No, we're not big on segues here at Chez Concateknit. Thanks for asking.) I mean, you know, I went to MD, and I bought a little yarn (and really, it was only a little yarn, in comparison to what some people left the festival with).

Do you want to see my pre-muffiny fiber pile?

I fortified myself with this:

Ha! I know you think I was going to show you a picture of beer or wine or gin, but I fooled you! It's tea! I have TEA when I make muffins! Ha!

The mug is from one of my favorite places to visit in the whole wide world: Oakdale Cheese & Specialities. Now, for you Wallace & Gromit fans out there, you'll understand that this word, specialities, should really have 5 syllables. Y'know - spesh-ee-al-i-tees. Yay!

I drank my tea, and made my muffins:

Yummy.

Lolly-pants and I each bought a skein of the blue and brown wool/mohair yarn that you see in the bottom left corner of the picture above. We're each going to make a felted bag with the yarn. We don't have a pattern in mind - the idea is that we'll each make a bag using the same yarn and just kind of see what happens. Nifty, huh? I get a little giddy each time I think about it.

I'd like to end this post with something almost unheard of at Concateknit these days: knitting content.

Here we see my Lara the way she usually looks when I work on her:

Imagine my surprise when I realized that I was actually knitting this:

Again, I say - who knew?

While my girls (and I know they're not really MY girls - they're EVERYONE's girls) are heading to NH tomorrow, I'll be here in Boston, dreaming of my dearest Mr. and Mrs. Lolly's visit (soon, dearies, soon, please), knitting on Lara, and buying some rollerblades. You want some fun? Watch me rollerblade. I guarantee it'll be a laugh a minute.

Hey - maybe someday I can be the rollerblading knitter.

Stop laughing.

Adventures of The Girl*

2005-05-09T21:08:00.000-04:00

There's been a little, ahem, concern about my lack of posting.

Um, yeah, I really haven't been posting at all, have I?

Sigh.

It's been a rough couple of months, and without wanting to complain, let me just say that by the time I get home from work these days, I can barely even stand to turn on my computer, let alone put together any kind of a coherent post.

To be honest, I haven't even been knitting really.

I've been *looks both ways, makes sure no one can overhear me* reading. And not Bookish Girl style, where I knit, and converse, and read all at the same time. No. I've just been Nose in the Book, Don't Talk to Me, Yes This Book IS an Impenetrable Wall of Silence reading.

I really don't want things to go on this way, though. I have been sorely out of balance, and I used this past weekend as a way to begin regaining my equilibrium.

How, you ask?

I went to Maryland:

I took this one picture on my way from my car to the fairgrounds:

I had dinner with these fabulous and amazing and wonderful and witty and lovely and terrific women on Saturday night:

I haven't linked to everyone yet, but I will update with the rest of the blog links as I have them. Needless to say - all of these women were great and you would never have guessed that many of us were meeting each other for the first time. Did we talk about knitting? You bet. Would we still have had things to talk about if the subject of knitting had been banned? Absolutely.

Okay, that's not entirely true. We all spent a goodly amount of time feeling up Donna (she's the hottie in the gorgeous blue hooded cardigan sitting between awesome Rebecca and elegant Eilene) in her finished Mariah. Freakin' unbelievably gorgeous.

I bought a little bit of yarn:

And I had a hell of a weekend.

I know that in the greater scheme of things I didn't take a lot of pictures, and I'll tell you why - even though I went to the festival primarily to "meet" bloggers I've only met through the knitblogging community, it felt like an offline vacation. Michelle and Lauren both opened up their homes to me, a stranger, and yet I never felt like I was going to meet people, I felt that I was going to visit with friends that I don't get a chance to see often and because of that, I didn't really feel the need to take lots of pictures or think about feeding the blog while I was there. I've been so blessed to meet the people I've met via blogging - Wendy, Jackie, Melanie, Debbie, and Maryse to name only a few - and they are people that have really become friends rather than knitting friends. This means that I see them more often than I blog about seeing them, and I think about them even more often than that.

Going to meet my Maryland girls felt the same, and it felt pretty personal.

So, what I'd like to tell you is this:

Michelle and her wonderful family Mike, Marah, and Gabe hosted me from Thursday to Saturday, and Lauren and her incredibly generous husband Kris (plus their lovely family - Jen, Bella, Rusty, and Quincy) hosted me from Saturday to Sunday afternoon. I had a wonderful time the whole time I was on vacation, and I have some particularly favorite memories that I know will be special to me for years to come.

*Michelle's son Gabe spent the majority of my visit calling me The Girl, but in the most adorably charming way. Hee hee.

Happy knitting all.

Hi, I Didn't Run Away

2005-04-27T11:58:00.000-04:00

I just went to Portland for a business trip.

Be back soon.

Love,
Elisa

Bling Bling

2005-04-12T14:55:00.000-04:00

I took the day off work today to get some new bling:

That's right - your very own Ms. Concateknit is a 30-year old freak with braces.

No, it doesn't bother me much.

Not really.

Not really.

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Luckily, braces don't effect my ability to knit:

Yarn: Knit Picks Sock Garden (awesome yarn, btw)

This is my first sock knit on two circular needles, and I think I'd really love it if I wasn't using stupid Inox circs. Has anyone else had trouble with their Inox joins being really rough? I feel like I'm scratching the hell out of my yarn.

The solution? I stopped by the Snow Goose and bought myself two pair of US 3 Addi Turbo circs.

I think I deserved a little knit-therapy today.

I May Not Be Safe Here Much Longer

2005-04-05T21:18:00.000-04:00

Not if Stitchy has anything to do with it.

Now, no matter what she says, you have to believe that I'm not nearly as insane as that photo of me would lead you to believe. Ahem - you believe me, right?

I was thinking today (no jokes now, you funny-pants) and I hope you don't think I do nothing but hoard yarn. I knit. I even finish things I knit. Evidence:

One finished flower washcloth, thank you very much.

So, with Stitchy out there gunning for me (or pawing for me, as the case may be), what I want to know is this: If I have to make a quit getaway, can I hide out in your town?

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Oh - Jay asked how I managed to finagle such cool gifts from Nancy. The answer? I honestly have no idea. Nancy just rules.

What Would Ben Do?*

2005-04-03T21:02:00.000-04:00

Or, Stuff You Learn Hanging Out With Crazy Ass Knitters.

Maryse said she didn't call us that, but she did.

After yesterday, I'd have to agree.

A bunch of us crazy ass knitters wandered a little north of Boston yesterday and found ourselves at Stitchy McYarnpants' house yesterday for food, fun, knitting, laughing, and one sweet yarn swap.

We all toodled down from Stitchy's gorgeous condo to her awesome rumpus room before Maryse arrived, but never fear - a note was left for Maryse that pretty accurately summed up, well, everything:

Are you starting to get the picture?

We had a great yarn swap, which we did up Yankee Swap style, and no matter what Debbie might say (she hasn't said anything yet, but she will, she will), it was perfectly legit for me to take the yarn she had chosen, which just happened to be six skeins of Classic Elite's Inca Alpaca:

Now, all the swap yarn was gorgeous, but when I felt this stuff I just wanted to roll around in it, so I decided that the gorgeous alpaca yarn had to come live at my house.

So there was about five hours of hilarity before the picture taking began, but when it began, we had pretty terrific subject matter. Namely - Wendy and her Tips For Meeting Bloggers.

Maryse brought the Sharpies, Wendy supplied her belly, blog-feeding ensued:

Melanoma Uberalis:

Bag n' Trash:

Um, me:

Stitchy McYarnpants (Scary ghost style):

And finally, the picture that made me fall down laughing:

Good times, ladies. Good times. Thanks for your fabulous hostessing, Debbie - I hope we do it again soon.

*I don't know if you've had the good fortune to meet Benedetta, the author of Sgomitolando, but I finally had the pleasure of meeting her yesterday. More than once during the course of the afternoon, Ben came to the knitting rescue, and I thought I'd like it if we had colored plastic bracelets that said "WWBD?" because well, Ben's just rad.

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Speaking of rad people, there's another supremely rad person that I need to thank. Nancy, author of Got Ewe in Stitches (you *do* read her blog, right? She's freaking hilarious, and cute as a button, to boot), sent me a really wonderful RAOK:

I should tell you first of all that what isn't in the picture is the pen she sent me (from the college I graduated from - how cool!) and the 2nd Bordeaux that well, hardly made it all the way out of the box before I snarfed it up.

Nancy sent me a Peep pen, an "E" bookmark, a very funny notepad, two See's Bordeaux, a small lunchbox shaped tin filled with Atomic Fireballs, and a really lovely card.

Thanks, Nancy - you made my week.

Okay folks, have a terrific week, and happy knitting!

I Did Something Cool Today

2005-03-31T16:51:00.000-05:00

Um, no, it's not knitting related.

I'm sure you're just shocked!

When I changed my blog name from "Tongue-Tied Muse" to "Concateknit" I posted a poem of mine. I mentioned that I've been writing poetry for a long time, and when I posted the poem, I thought long and hard about posting one of my poems as a regular feature. But see, this isn't a poetry blog, and I really don't want it to be, so I just posted that one poem and went along my bloggy way.

Well, I've gone and done something cool, and I just want to share it with you.

But first - some shout outs.

To K, for bringing the cool thing to my attention and suggesting I submit to it.
To Mike, for telling me that he thinks I have an impressive body of work (um, no, no double entendre intended)
To The Girls (which also includes Ms. Melanie even though she isn't in this picture), for not laughing at me at dinner this month when I told them my plans, and
To Wendy, for reading my cover letter this morning and being tremendously supportive and helpful.

Okay - here's what I did - I submitted, gulp, a manuscript of my poetry to Grub Street's Poetry Revision Fellowship 2005.

Oh yeah, baby. I'm *totally* freaked out.

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Thank you SO much to everyone who commented and emailed me about my near-smooshing. I have this fantastic image of irate knitters chasing down the stupid smoosher with needles flying. Dude. Sweet.

Hi, I Almost Got Run Over Today

2005-03-29T19:43:00.000-05:00

No shit.

Those of you who know me may know that I am a fairly aggressive pedestrian. I DO live in Boston, though, and living in Boston means that should you EVER want to cross a street, ANY street, in fact, EVER, you have to be at least a little aggressive.

But I should back up a bit. I know I've mentioned my commute home before - the last leg of my commute involves either a bus or a trolley. If I manage to catch the bus then I end up crossing just one intersection, and it has a stoplight (and I always wait for Walky Guy), and once I'm across I'm home in no time. If I have to take the trolley, I end up about half a mile from my house and I have to cross one intersection that on a good day is only mildly terrifying. In order to cross that intersection, I have to take advantage of lulls in the traffic and wade out about halfway across the street and wait for the cars coming the other direction to stop and let me cross the rest of the way.

Tonight? Tonight was actually looking pretty good for crossing the intersection, so there I was standing in the middle of the intersection, plainly visible to the car coming from the opposite direction, and you know what he did? He almost hit me. In fact, he came so close to hitting me that a car that had just turned the corner at the intersection I was trying to cross actually stopped because well, I can only guess because he was expecting the guy to hit me, and he wanted to be there just in case. Okay, seriously - when a Boston driver pulls over like that? You know that what just happened was exactly as terrifying as you thought it was. Me - I just screamed "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" as loud as I could, and I'll tell you guys honestly, if that guy had stopped or tried to give me any shit about crossing the street, I would have punched his lights out.

Immediately after the car nearly smooshed me and I yelled my ass off at the Smoosher, I immediately felt like bursting into tears. Luckily I was only about a block from my house, so I was able to get a big hug from Mike before I went and laid on the bed in a fetal position, waiting for the shaking to stop and my heart to slow down.

And you know what else? I keep making these lovely plans for my evenings that seem to be nothing more than pipe dreams. Last night I had every intention of coming home from work, eating a little dinner, chatting with Mike, reading a little from "Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell", and maybe, oh I don't know, knitting a little, but you know what happened instead?

I spent 3 hours working on database design for my new job.

I love my new job, but what the fuck is wrong with my head?

In all honesty, I might be making more time for knitting if I wasn't so damn bored with the Ribby Cardi.

La Ribby:

Ho Hum

I did take a mini-break and start working on this:

That's 4 out of 5 petals for the chenile washcloth from Weekend Knitting. Um, yeah, I know you guys are all just freaking out because of my mad knitting output. Pfft.

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Big Fun, Part III

When I last left you, Kim, Mike and I had just left Jordan's and were heading off for Big Fun, Part III.

Um, yeah - we all went out to dinner.

Of course, we went to dinner in the North End, and we went to my favorite little restaurant, Tratoria il Panino (no, NOT the one in Fanueil Hall), and had a really wonderful little meal. Kim forgot to bring Wavy with her that night (the coldest part of her visit, of course), but just so you know that I really did finish Wavy on time, here's a picture:

Hey - did I tell you I almost got run over today???

Big Fun, Part II

2005-03-24T19:34:00.000-05:00

Or, To Portsmouth and Back Again
A Short Girl's Tale

Before we begin, I have one picture from Big Fun, Part I, that I'd like to share with you:

Why am I sharing this particular picture with you? Two reasons: Shannon kept saying she wasn't sleeping, and I kept insisting I was sober. Need I say more? I didn't think so.

Saturday morning Kim, Mike and I drove up to Portsmouth and meandered toward the Friendly Toast for lunch. We pretty much ate our way through the weekend, but the fact that we walked about 8,000 miles helps me justify all the great meals we had.

We got ourselves situated at the Friendly Toast and busted out the cameras:

Mike took a picture of his favorite piece of "art":

I wish my feet were half as happy as Happy Foot.

We went our separate ways after lunch, Mike heading for a marathon shopping trip at Bull Moose Music and Kim and I heading up Islington Street to do a little browsing (and some buying) at some of the wonderful Portsmouth shops.

On our way back to the car, I snapped this photo:

I have told you about Kim's wonderful and amazing hair, right? *sigh*

On our way to Big Fun, Part III we made a stop at Jordan's Furniture. See, you have to understand that there is NOTHING like Jordan's in California, and everyone who visits me is likely to get dragged to one should we get outside the city during their visit. This particular Jordan's that we went to has a trapeze school INSIDE of it, a Bose store, and a replica of most major Boston landmarks made entirely out of jelly beans. You tell me how you're supposed to skip seeing something like that. I mean, come on now.

In real time news, there's exciting things and sad things afoot here at Chez Concateknit. Sadly, our friend Aki is leaving to move home to Japan tomorrow. As much as Mike and I know that Aki has a tremendous opportunity to look forward to in Japan, we will really miss his smile, kindness, and enthusiasm. We'll also miss Aki's uncanny ability to get us both REALLY, REALLY drunk (remind me to tell you the story of The First Time We Went to the White House sometime, 'kay?) beyond all reasonableness. Aki has made me promise that Mike and I will visit him in Japan (well, I think he's really more interested in Mike going, but I get to go too, so it's all good) and he's really gunning for Mike and I to get married so he has a good excuse to come back to the USA. The fact that Aki is really serious about us getting married so he can come to the wedding necessarily endears him to me. Remember - it's good to get other people to do things that you can't or won't do yourself. As Aki is already married, we're the next best thing, I guess. I just hope that Aki knows that he's been a terrific friend to me and Mike, and we will always cherish all the memories that we have with him. Good luck, Aki - you don't need it, but you deserve it.

Now, from the bittersweet to the jump up and down and pinch yourself because you're so happy - my dearest Mike has a new job! He'll be working for an organization that my organization is affiliated with, and he'll get to take all the wonderful skills he has to a new position where I'm sure his potential is limitless. I'm so thrilled for him and the opportunities that are coming his way. Go Honey-Pants! I did offer to put The Contingent (all the peeps that we're friends with that work with me) onto a shuttle out to his new workplace to celebrate on his first day of work, but he seemed to think that might be a little, well, dangerous. Granted, The Contingent can drink, but, um, okay, so maybe it isn't the best idea for his first day of work, especially as it's a Monday and all...

Alright lovelies - I'm going to sign off for now, do a little work (le sigh), and then maybe, oh, I don't know, KNIT for a while. I wish you all a lovely evening and good times with your sweetie-pantses. ;)

BTW - if you haven't heard Jackie's latest good news, go say congrats!

Big Fun, Part I

2005-03-22T22:33:00.000-05:00

Oh, my. I'm tired. I think I need a weekend to recover from my weekend.

Here's the short (you know I'm lying, right?) version:

I picked Kim up from the airport. I gave her the Wavy scarf (of course, it was like 45 degrees, hardly scarf worthy) and then we headed off for Big Fun at my house with Mr. and Mrs. Bookish, Keiko, and Shannon of the Very Bad Sweater. Keiko brought A TON of amazing food (this is not to lessen the amazing fantasticality of Mr. and Mrs. Bookish or Shannon, but if you were there then you just KNOW how amazed we all were when Keiko showed up with her George Foreman Grill), we (by we, I mean the girls) drank 4 bottles of wine, at some point it was 2am and everyone either went home or to sleep, I spent some time with the porcelain god, and when Kim, Mike and I woke up the next morning, we fortified ourselves with coffee and bagels and headed off for Big Fun, Part II.

Alright, considering how long it took me to cobble together Part I, I think I'll have to bring you parts II, III, and IV later in the week. I hope you'll stay tuned for the continuing Big Fun Chronicles. Just know that although I'm tired, and although there's been relative blog-silence here at Chez Concateknit, I hope to be back to my regular bloggy self soon. Very, very soon.

Oh - did I mention I had lunch with some fabulous and amazing bloggers today? In my own little caf no less.

Oh yeah, life's pretty good.

*yawn*

K Minus 4*

2005-03-14T21:16:00.000-05:00

Or, That Scarf Won't Knit Itself

It's been a busy few weeks here at Chez Concateknit, and although I've been thinking about you all quite a lot, I haven't had the energy to do much more than think. The actual blogging? Not so much.

Last time I blogged, I told you about my knitting schedule, and I must admit, I felt pretty smug about it. Yeah, well, best laid plans, blah, blah, blah. The scarf WILL be done by Friday, but it requires a much more agressive (and much less cocky) knitting schedule. Every minute I spend typing is one less minute I can dedicate to The Scarf.

So today you're getting a post in pictures.

Friday:

This

Plus this

Equals this

That's one happy, blurry girl

Saturday:

To our left

Across the street

To our right

Kim - are you sure you still want to come?

I'm just kidding. If you change your mind, I'll get on a plane, come get you and bring you back. We will have Fun while you're here. We're going to be like the Post Office (but not the scary one): neither rain, not sleet, nor hail, nor a little bitty bit of snow, will keep us from having Fun.

*Kim will be here in 4 days - woo hoo!!!

All Hands on Deck!

2005-03-07T20:31:00.000-05:00

Or, Kim will be here next Friday and she doesn't own a scarf.

Obviously, that is a situation that can not stand. I was trying to explain what The Teens feel like, but it's hard to wrap your mind around that kind of cold when you've grown up in Northern California. Believe me, I know.

Naturally, I felt that the best way to prepare for Kim's upcoming visit to the Land of Cold was to knit her a scarf. She requested blue and I got to work:

That's about a third of a Wavy scarf, and right on schedule. Weekend days require completion of one full repeat, but I'm easier on myself during the week, and only have to complete a quarter of a repeat. This scarf will be ready and waiting for my dearest Kim when she arrives.

psst...did you notice the pillow sham in the background of the scarf picture? yeah - well, that sham, plus the matching duvet, a down comforter and a 600 thread count sheet set came to live at my house yesterday. needless to say, it was hard to get out of bed this morning.

Mike and I also bought something Very Grown Up this weekend. We bought a vacuum cleaner:

My grown up response to my grown up purchase? I said to Mike: If I were a household appliance, I'd marry that vacuum cleaner.

So in the midst of all my February madness, y'know, having to think a lot of stuff, I forgot to tell you something pretty cool-

I'm going to the Maryland Sheep & Wool Festival. It's official. I've bought the tickets and reserved my rental car.

It's cool that I'm going to the festival for many reasons, but the coolest reason is that I'm staying with two of the Coolest.Bloggers.Ever. Do you know that the fact that I've never actually met either of these two people doesn't seem strange to me at all? I've always been one to trust my intuition, and this situation is no exception. Both Michelle and Lauren are simply terrific people (you've read their blogs - there's no doubting their terrificality) and I just feel LUCKY to have the opportunity to spend some quality time with each of them. Yay!

Speaking of terrific people who happen to be bloggers, one of them celebrated her birthday last week. And I mean, celebrated it ALL of last week. I was lucky enough to get in on some of the birthday fun, which meant spending another terrific evening with Mr. and Mrs. Bookish, Ms. (soon to be Mrs, tee hee) Project, Mrs. Melanoma, and Mrs. Yarnpants. Fuckin' A. You can imagine how much fun that was. Okay, well you can try to imagine how much fun it was, and then triple it.

You bloggers are just too cool.

National Elisa Thinks You Should Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say Day

2005-02-28T20:51:00.000-05:00

I'm lying to you already.

Oh, I'm not saying that it isn't important to speak succinctly and accurately, of course it is. I'm just saying that I have a tendency towards inventiveness (read laziness) in my speech. I have a tendency to use words that, although they do have inherent meaning, have a different meaning when I use them.

Tonight, we'll have a lesson in Elisa-Speak. Enjoy the ride.

Item. n. Can be used to describe any "thing".

Bucket. n. Anything that holds something else.

In use, you might hear these words in conversation like this:
Friend: "Elisa, do you need anything from the cafeteria?"
Elisa: "Yeah. Can you get me a bucket and some items?"

Translation: "Yes. Will you please get me a paper salad bowl and some utensils?"

Just so you know, the above was a fairly typical bit of conversation I had with various co-workers, and they usually understood what I meant.

Upon seeing something shiny and pink:
Elisa: "I need to have that item." Alternately, "That item should live at my house".

Translation: "I would like to own that shiny, pink thing."

Pants. interj. Means that something or someone is bad.

Usage: "You're pants!"

-pants. suff. Means that something is very cute.

Usage: "Look at that puppypants!"

Put pants and -pants together and you'll really make some heads spin. I'd like it if you did. So go ahead. Then report back. Thanks.

I should also tell you that the fact that I am so comfortable with pants being both a good and a bad thing is considered flogic* by Michael.

He's not always right.

-ado. suff. Reduces the impact of the word it is attached to.

Usage: "Fuckado".

During the first Thanksgiving I spent with Mike and his family, we watched some football with some of his cousins. At one point, something bad happened and I said fuckado without even thinking about it. Mike leaned over and said "Did you just say fuckado in front of my 12 year old cousin?" and I think I responded to him with "Fuckadoodledo". Mike later remarked that at least I hadn't just said fuck.

four. n. Indicates a small number, but not necessarily the real number four.

Usage:
Friend: "So, how do you think you did on the SATs?"
Elisa: "I think I got about four answers right, including my name."

8,000. n. Indicates a large number, but not necessarily the real number 8,000.

Usage: "I've got 8,000 mosquito bites."

In context, it really isn't difficult to figure out what the hell I'm talking about (at least I think so, I can't really speak for anyone else who tries to converse with me on a regular basis), but when forced to, I can be as, um, whaddyacallit, er, precise, as the next person.

Right.

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Well, it's been a hell of a month, but this is the last official post of the first "National Elisa Thinks Stuff" Month. I may make this a semi-regular feature, or I may just do it again next year, but either way, this probably won't be the last time you find out just what I think.

I am planning to do a recap of some of the best comments I received over the past month, and let me tell you, you gals are WAY funnier than I. WAY funnier.

*Flogic is not included in the Elisa-Speak dictionary because more than one person worried about what might happen should flogic become known to Significant Others.

National Elisa Thinks It's Keeping It Real Day

2005-02-27T19:13:00.000-05:00

Or, Elisa's in a mood.

So, you guys know me right? You know that I feel rather, ahem, strongly, about orderliness. You know, I have that whole "I want you to be able to open any drawer in my house" thing. Well, today I faced up to the fact that there was a big part of my life where I wasn't keeping up to my own standards, and I felt, well, strongly, that I needed to take myself to task and get all my shit sorted out.

We're calling this Keeping It Real Day at Chez Concateknit.

I began by taking stock of the living room:

The tote is home to a baby blanket that I'm knitting for Mike's sister and BIL who are expecting their third boy in a few months.

The coffee table:

And under the coffee table:

Here's where it starts to go wrong:

This was (some of) my stash in the spare bedroom. That is a BAD picture. While the sight of all that yarn makes my heart warm, the site of all those muffins and boxes and bags scattered around on the floor make me feel ANXIOUS.

It gets worse:

This is a bag that's hiding in the guest room between the bed and the nightstand (Kim, I swear this will be gone before you get here).

And hanging from the back of the guest room closet:

That's an afghan I keep making myself forget about. I manage not to see that bag every morning. I know it's there, but I erase it from my consciousness. No, the afghan doesn't usually erupt from the bag the way it looks in the photo.

The other thing that usually lives in that bag is this:

The lap blanket I am making for my G'pa's girlfriend, Deborah. I was making it for him, but when he passed away, I decided to finish it and give it to Deborah instead. I really do feel a sense of urgency about finishing this and it isn't awful to work on, it's just, well, let's just say I don't wanna.

In order to embrace and confront my shame, I brought everything out to the living room:

I sorted and organized:
The sock yarn

The wools and silks

The bucket of Cotton Fleece

The other stuff: some Debbie Bliss, some lovely ribbon yarn, some DK weight yarn I bought to make finger puppets, that kind of thing.

I also put all the yarn destined to be sweaters into one bucket which made me ridiculously happy. Did you know that I have four sweaters planned for myself? Jesus, I knit one sweater successfully and now I've gone crazy with the sweater yarn purchases.

I also made an FO bucket. It's contents are few:

A scarf on the left and two Booga Bags on the right

So, those Booga bags? I don't want them. I knit them, felted them and promptly fell out of love with them. I really feel like they need some kind of bottom insert to help stabilize them, and I'm just not going to get around to making those inserts.

Do you want them? I swear to god, if you do, just leave me a comment that includes your email address and I'll email you for your snail mail address. There's nothing wrong with the Boogas except I don't want them, which means that They.Must.Get.Out.Of.My.House.

Also, do you remember this? Yeah, well, now it's this:

I told you, I'm in a mood and I mean business.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
In case you were wondering how I'd be spending the evening of the Oscars (and really, I can't imagine that you would), I'll be watching my newest, shiniest, most brand spanking new guilty pleasure: Dog the Bounty Hunter. I become giddy EVERY TIME I think about this show. You might be interested in knowing that Mike is trying to convince me that the Dog marathon has been canceled, but he's just a dirty rotten liar.

National Flogic Day, Part IV

2005-02-26T19:43:00.000-05:00

Or, Why Elisa Isn't Allowed to Hang Things Anymore

I've always believed that a house isn't a home until there are pictures on the walls. That means that almost before I do anything else, I start deciding where pictures will be hung on the wall.

A year ago, when Mike and I moved into our apartment, I took a day off of work so that I could do some speed unpacking to help us get settled in as quickly as possible. Our first apartment had been awful and so I was even more anxious and excited than usual to get our boxes unpacked and our pictures hung.

Actually, the only important statement in the previous paragraph is that I said that I took a day off. Yes, I was home by myself.

Of course, I was 29 years old and perfectly capable of being left alone to unpack a house and hang pictures. Or so we thought.

I got a lot accomplished that day: I unpacked our entire kitchen and pantry, unpacked and shelved 12 boxes of books, unpacked over a thousand cds, hundreds of albums, two wardrobes, and of course, hung a ton of pictures.

It's the pictures I'm not allowed to go near anymore.

Why?

Well, ahem, I'll show you:

These holes live in the foyer underneath a picture of Mike's daughter. You see, I thought the stud thingy ran horizontally, so I kept trying to get a nail in the wall just above or below the area where my nail kept getting stuck.

A widescreen view. Notice the holes underneath the other two photos? Here's when I started to get a little confused. I mean, if I could hang the original three pictures, why couldn't I get a nail in the wall 12" below the first nail? Remember, I was convinced that the stud thingy ran horizontally.

One of my bedroom walls. This is where I finally gave up.

When Mike came home, well, there was a lot of laughter at my expense. Now when he sees me with a hammer in hand, he'll just point to the holes in the wall.

But mostly he just laughs.

Needless to say, not a single picture has been hung in my house for almost a year.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In retail therapy news:

Those boots are going to help me grieve for the broken boots, may they rest in peace.

And in case you couldn't tell, yes, those most certainly are pink high heels.

After I bought the pumps, my car seemed to go on auto pilot and I ended up at A Good Yarn:

That's six skeins of Lamb's Pride Worsted (hate the new label, btw) in Blue Magic, and two skeins of Koigu KPPPM.

And just so you don't start thinking that I all I do is make holes in the wall and buy yarn:

I've finished the back and left front of my Ribby Cardi, and have cast on for the right front. It's a fairly straightforward knit and even though the Peruvian Highland Wool is no KPPPM, it's still quite nice.

I do have an FO to share with you, but since the FO is a birthday gift, I'm going to wait and post the photos after I know the recipient has received and opened the gift. Tee hee.

Thank you for all your kind get well wishes yesterday! I'm feeling much better now thanks to a day of rest, a boyfriend returned safely home, and some damn successful retail therapy.

I hope everyone has a terrific weekend and stay tuned for the final two "National Elisa Thinks...Day" posts.

Now I've got to get back to my program: Cops - Bad Girls 4.

National Elisa Thinks February Kicked My Ass Day

2005-02-24T23:23:00.000-05:00

That's right folks, I'm down for the count. It's the big KO. February finally kicked my ass.

I admit, I was pretty cocky. I thought I could just fly in the face of the February doldrums. I thought I could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee all the way around February, and that I'd be safely into March before February realized what a fool I'd made of it.

Ahem, not so. Best laid plans and all that.

So, here I am with no Flogic post for you (you'll get it tomorrow or Saturday at the very latest), wearing my sweats, and I've got tissue, the new Linda Barnes book, a very tall glass of water, a very drippy and sniffly nose, I've just started to watch Money Train on On Demand. It's one of their free movies - surprising, I know.

Oh, and today I'm the Queen of Sneezy Town. Wendy said I could be Queen of Funky Town, too if I wanted. That's cool with me. I'll take what I can get.

The bottom line is that I'm paying for my high-falutin' February Can't Get Me Down Hubris with a righteous February cold. Pfft.

On a positive note, Mike returns from a long(ish) business trip tomorrow evening and I am really looking forward to having him home. I've been lucky enough to have friends who don't mind coming over in the middle of the week to knit, eat, chat and share my ">chocolate, but it will be good to Have.Mike.Home.

No, I'm not a complete baby-pants when he's away - I took out the trash and killed a spider that wouldn't listen to reason.

Hey, you know what? I've seen Money Train before.

Sweet.

National Elisa Thinks It's the Little Shit That'll Send You to the Nuthouse Day

2005-02-22T23:17:00.000-05:00

I'm known to remain quite calm during a disaster. Like the time my neighbor, S, came over to my apartment with a badly cut finger wrapped in paper towels 30 minutes before his parents were to land at San Jose International Airport, did I freak out? Not I. Hastily I made a sign with my neighbor's parent's last name on it, gave it to my ex-husband along with instructions to meet S's parents at their gate and I took S to the emergency room where I never even flinched while S received 13 stitches and a tetanus shot. I made sure he had his insurance card. I filled out all the insurance/emergency room paperwork. I was cool as a cucumber the entire time, and more than once, S marveled at my calm.

However, a paper cut and a missed train in the same day can make me completely lose my shit.

Isn't that always the way, though? When Some Really Major Shit happens, I slide into the Zone, that place where I focus absolutely on the task at hand, and all the things that need to be done just seem to slide into place. The more freaked out the people around me get, the calmer I become.

Unfortunately, I seem to be out of the Zone a lot.

An example:

When my ex-husband and I were getting married, within two weeks of getting engaged I had arranged for the flowers, my dress, our rings, the location, the caterer, the photographer and the DJ. One night, maybe a month into the wedding planning, my ex and I decided to go through a drive through at a fast food restaurant for dinner and when he asked me what I wanted, I burst into tears and cried "Why can't anything be easy?" and "I can't make even one more decision, I just can't". I may have also said "And you can't make me".

Yeah, that's me being out of the Zone.

Should you be standing next to me someday when something (I'd find) irritating happens and I start to laugh, and it sounds kind of like "huh huh, huh huh", you probably want to duck. Or distract me. That's the "huh huh" of a woman on the edge, a woman who's about 3 seconds from losing her shit (one of my favorite sayings, thanks, feel free to use it if you like).

Are you wondering what those things are that I'd find irritating? A short list would include the above mentioned paper cuts and missed trains, but would also include palm trees (I HATE palm trees), smelly people, bad manners, over air-conditioned rooms, stripes with plaids, big hair, ginormous fake boobs, coughing, bad service, and oh, did I mention, PALM TREES.

Seriously - I f*cking hate palm trees.

Huh huh, huh huh...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a much different note, I received two lovely RAOKs today. One, a sweet little note and funny card from Lisa, and two, some terrific lemon-bergamot lip balm and a tube of cuticle cream with a lovely little note from Margene. What wonderful mail to come home to! Thank you so much, ladies, for taking the time to think of me. I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness!

And of course, in a moment of pure flogicality, I told Mike to take the digital camera with him on his business trip to Missouri this week. This means that I have no pictures of the lovely RAOKs, tomorrow's knit knite will be pictureless, and Thursday's (last) flogic post will have to wait until Friday because that post requires pictures, folks. Mike actually tried to convince me that he didn't need to bring the camera with him, but get this - I insisted.

I'll be here all week, folks.

National Elisa Thinks It's Guilty Pleasure Day

2005-02-21T21:36:00.000-05:00

We all have them. You can say that you’re too cool for reality TV or that you’d never stoop so low as to buy a Christina Aguilera CD, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t something that you adore that someone else wouldn’t raise their eyebrows at you for.

You KNOW what I’m talking about.

As for myself, I’ve got so many guilty pleasures that sometimes I think I may have to start questioning my own taste. I’ve decided to give you a list of my guilty pleasures organized by category because the list would be too unwieldy otherwise. That being said – it’s still only a partial list.

Movies:
Dude, Where's My Car? – I won’t even lie. I giggle every time I watch this movie.

Foul Play – I love the 70’s Goldie Hawn/Chevy Chase movies. Foul Play is my favorite of the bunch, and I always watch it when I’m home sick.

Con Air – I said, “Put the bunny down”.

Karate Kid, Parts I and II – I REALLY wanted to be Elisabeth Shue in Part I, and I thought the Tea Ceremony in Part II was the most romantic thing I had ever seen.

TV:
Reality TV – American Idol (I know, I know. I started watching for the bad auditions and ended up hooked.), The Swan (which I won’t even try to justify), The Biggest Loser, Cops, Wildest Police Videos, these are just a few of the reality TV shows I’ve gotten hooked on. I watched one season of Survivor and that was enough. I tend to watch the really bad reality TV shows, which means that if it’s on Fox, I’ll probably give it a go. It’s just a little something about me that’s a bit twisted, I realize that.

Fear Factor – Sure, this is reality TV, but it gets its own category. I just like watching artificially enhanced girls and over-muscled guys eat entrails.

Music:

I know too much about 80’s country music, and my collection of 80’s country music is large. I own at least one CD by each of the following artists:

Billy Joe Royal
John Anderson - "Down In Tennessee" still gets me every time I hear it.
Conway Twitty (80’s style) "Hello, Darlin'" is a fine country song, and Jason Molina covered it, so there.
Alabama - "She and I" makes me weepy just thinking about it.
Ronnie Milsap - I've been known to belt out "There's A Stranger in my House" before. I won't lie.
Merle Haggard (again, 80’s style) "If We Make it Through December" reminds me very much of growing up, and even more recently, I found myself identifying with it when Mike and I were going through a particularly rough patch.

Other guilty pleasure bands I like include Air Supply and Bread. Go me! Actually, I’d argue Bread’s legitimacy as a non-guilty pleasure any day.

Books:

The Cat Who Series by Lilian Jackson Braun. These books are a guilty pleasure for obvious reasons: intuitive cats, tingling mustaches, men who inherit millions of dollars, restore apple barns and found colleges, and, do I need to continue?

My Sneaky Pie books. This is what I call the series written by Rita Mae Brown and Sneaky Pie Brown (why yes, that is her cat). These books are definitely guilty pleasures, but when I first started reading the series, I found myself dreaming that I was a character in Crozet, WV, and that Ms. Brown could create that compelling an atmosphere keeps me reading.

The Stephanie Plum novels by Janet Evanovich. I know that Ms. Evanovich has a huge following, but we all know that a huge following doesn’t denote Great Literature. Although I find myself less and less pleased with her books as the series wears on, I know that I’ll keep buying and reading her new titles, which means that this series definitely qualifies as a guilty pleasure.

Foodstuffs:

Diet Coke with Lime. Seriously, I think this tastes like Endust smells, but I still drink it. These days I seem to choose Diet Coke with Lime whenever I get the chance. I know, it doesn’t make any sense to me, either.

Bugles filled with Cheez Whiz. Stop laughing.

Peanut Butter w/Chocolate Chips. What makes this a guilty pleasure is that I like getting a big spoonful of peanut butter and then mashing as many chocolate chips onto it as I possibly can.

Coffee and Crackers. This is an old school family recipe that you really have to be brought up with to appreciate. It goes like this:

Make a cup of coffee with coffee and milk
Crumble saltines into a cereal bowl
Pour coffee over saltines
Add sugar
Enjoy.

Okay – I’m sure you’re thinking that you could probably handle everything but the “enjoy” part, but I promise you, if you grew up in my family, you’d find yourself at the grocery store, eyeing the Saltines, whenever you felt a little homesick.

Flavored Coffee. Please understand that I was a committed coffee snob for a number of years. I would never have thought about purchasing a cup of flavored coffee. I would have SCOFFED at you should you have suggested that one day I would get a cup of flavored coffee each morning before work. It happened like this: The day after 9/11 I found myself in my cafeteria, buying a cup of coffee per usual, and without questioning why, I bought a cup of the daily flavored coffee rather than the usual stuff I always bought. I did this for about four days in a row before I started to question why I was doing it. The reason why? Because there is a short period of time in my history where my relationship with my mom was very good, and what I remember about that time is her making flavored coffees and sharing them with me. We’d go the mall and get a mocha from Gloria Jean’s or she’d make some at home in the evening and we’d drink them together. Those memories are very comforting, and post 9/11, comfort was what I craved most. So, no matter what kind of hard-assed things I may say about my mom, I’m still doing something every day that reminds me of more pleasant times with her.

So, what are your guilty pleasures, and what makes them guilty for you? I can’t wait to find out!

If you have today off, enjoy. If you’re at work, well, it’ll be over soon. As for me, I have to get ready for the Cops marathon that starts at 3pm.

National Elisa Thinks Knitting Helps Her Feel Less Lazy Than She Really Is Day

2005-02-21T00:05:00.000-05:00

Sundays are traditionally lazy days here at Chez Concateknit. Especially during football season, when I require little if any focused energy from Mike, Sundays are low-key. In fact, I am a big fan of showering on Sundays only to don a clean pair of sweats. It doesn't require a lot of prodding to convince me that whatever I think needs to get done can actually be done at Some Other Time.

Witness a conversation from today:

Me: Do you need to go to B*st Buy today?
Mike: No. Oh - to buy the vacuum cleaner?
Me: Yeah.
Mike: Well, sure, if they carry the one we're looking for.
Me: Okay, well, I'm going to take a shower, so why don't you find out if they carry the vacuum we want. Whether or not they do will determine whether I put on pants after I take my shower, or whether I put on sweats.
Mike: Oh. Okay.

(a few minutes later - I'm still in the shower)
Mike: Hey, babe?
Me: Yeah?
Mike: They carry it.
Me: Okay. Did you want to go out there and pick it up then?
Mike: Well, we could, but we don't need to rush, do we?
Me: What do you mean?
Mike: I mean, we don't have to go buy it today, right?
Me: Um, sure. I do have to go to the grocery store, though.
Mike: Oh. Do you need me to go with you?

We did go to the grocery store, and for that I am thankful because we're supposed to get another storm tomorrow and the last thing I want to worry about is whether or not I have enough coffee for Tuesday morning.

Aside from rambling conversations with Mike, pretty much all I did today was knit. I finished the first of the birthday socks (photos to come when I'm not too lazy to get up, get the camera, take pictures, blah blah blah) and cast on for the second sock. I keep thinking that the birthday socks will be done in time to be wrapped and shipped to California in time for Kim's birthday (she knows these are coming, so I'm not ruining a surprise) until I remember that this is a short month, which means that I don't have my regular allotment of Oh Shit days at the end of the month to use to prepare for whatever deadline is inevitably looming for the first of the month.

But the amount of knitting I did successfully kept me from thinking about all the other things I wasn't doing. For instance, I wasn't doing laundry (although Mike and I did talk about laundry), I wasn't going to the gym, I wasn't writing thank you notes, I wasn't balancing my checkbook, I wasn't paying bills. I was knitting. I was looking at yarn on eBay. I was watching discs 4-6 of Season 4 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Under normal (read: before I knit) circumstances, I would have felt guilty about all the things I didn't do today, but because I was knitting, I felt like I was doing something constructive, and if I am really truthful, I think I have arrived at a place where knitting feels like a perfectly legitimate reason for not doing all the other stuff I should be doing.

Thank god for knitting. Otherwise I might feel like I needed to dust.

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Program

2005-02-19T20:55:00.000-05:00

To bring you three Very Important Updates:

One: Good Hair

The side view:

I have rectified the Bad Hair Situation by replacing the Bad with Good. I went to Portsmouth, NH today and had a wonderful stylist named Jill fix the badness that has been living on top of my head, causing me great trauma, making me feel like an unpretty kitty.

Believe me ladies, this is Big News at Chez Concateknit.

Two: Stash

The yarn? 50% off. I'll be making Lara from the Debbie Bliss Alpaca Silk book for $40. Yesterday, I bought the 10 balls of yarn that were available, and in a purely flogical moment, I thought "10 balls is enough to make this sweater. I can definitely make a sweater for 10 balls of yarn". Um - sure. You know why that was flogical, right? It's flogical because I really just thought 10 balls = enough to make a sweater, without any thought at all to how many yards were in each ball. Luckily I was right - but it was dumb luck. Oh, the yarn is Sable, which is a 70% merino, 30% angora blend. Sweet, no?

Bearfoot by Mountain Colors. Sweet merciful Mary, there was no way I was getting out of the LYS without this. It makes me Very Happy. It all comes back to sock yarn, baby. It really does.

Three: Well-Behaved Muffins Make Beautiful Socks

I really love working with the Koigu KPPPM. It's feels great, and it works up into the most beautiful fabric ever. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if I was yarn, I'd marry some Koigu KPPPM.

Tomorrow I'll starting thinking things again. Promise.

National Flogic Day, Part III

2005-02-17T20:31:00.000-05:00

I had to enlist Mike’s help with this. I was coming up with a complete blank for our third installment of National Flogic Day at Chez Concateknit.

I’m still a little disturbed by the gleam that crept into Mike’s eyes when I said “What else have I done that you would classify as flogic?” I told him I needed two more entries for the month, but only one for tonight, but he was really ready to give me Many More Than Two examples of Elisa being flogical. On the plus side, I’ve got this week’s and next week’s posts in the bag. The downside is that gleam I just mentioned.

Note to self: Mike has more than a few things to say about Elisa and flogic.

Second Note to self: Stop asking him questions about Elisa and flogic.

Ahem. Bruised ego aside (he says “Most of the flogical things you’ve done seem to do with food), I do have a part III in our Thursdays Are For Flogic series. Let’s begin.

I’m a vegetarian, albeit a fallen one (he says “Most of the time, I think you have a pretty good head on your shoulders. Have you told them about your thing with corn?”) but I really hate when Mike wants to tell people that I’m a vegetarian before we go to a function because I worry that the host will have to go out of their way to accomodate me.

I truly hate to have things prepared especially for me. It makes me feel really uncomfortable, and it makes me feel different - in a bad way. Almost without exception, things work out just fine for me when I go to a function like a potluck or a BBQ. It so rarely happens that there’s nothing vegetarian at one of those kinds of functions that I hardly even think about it anymore.

But Mike does (“Hey, did you tell them that you think bananas make you stupid just because they smell bad?”). Mike thinks about it so much that it makes me anxious. In a BBQ or potluck situation, I really do assume that there will be at least a salad with a salad dressing that probably doesn’t contain meat. I’m almost never wrong about this, people.

I am ALMOST never wrong.

Except for one time: Mike and I went to a BBQ at the home of one of his co-workers (he says “Um, his Supervisor!”), and as usual, I told Mike not to worry about what I would eat. I said what I always say, which is “Don’t worry. I never starve.” For whatever reason, we didn’t bring a dish with us, which is how I usually prevent myself from starving, but I still felt Cool and the Gang about it. Beer in hand, I wandered from table to table looking for a little something to nosh on, and I kept coming up empty-plated. The salad? It had meat in it, and not easily removable pieces of meat, but little bits of tuna or chicken salad that had thoroughly coated everything. The potato salad? I swear, there was Spam in there. Finally, feeling a little Zen about the whole experience (I find hunger really helps me with the whole Zen thing) I found a bowl of salsa. Excitedly, and much less Zen (because I was gonna eat finally), I picked up a tortilla chip (no, corn tortilla chips don’t count toward the whole corn thing) and scooped up some salsa, only to find that there was chicken in it.

Okay, really – who could blame me for thinking at least the freaking salsa would be meatless?

At that point, Mike had had it (he says “You know, the whole fried zucchini thing was really crazy.”) and he told the hostess casually that I was vegetarian, which sent her into a tizzy and meant that I then had to endure having her run back into the house and make me a cheese quesadilla. A HUGE quesadilla, which she announced was for me and for me only, to everyone within earshot. Well, I was mortified, and beyond that, I felt responsible for eating the entire quesadilla.

And Mike says “And none of this would have happened if you just would have let me tell her you’re a fucking vegetarian!”
Then he says “Grumble, grumble, drive me nuts, grumble.”
And then he says “So, did you tell them the REAL reason you don’t like corn?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Knitting Meme – I’ve been tagged.

Thanks Lauren!

Do you knit using the English or Continental Method?
Continental. I fancy that someday I’ll be able to do both at the same time and really impress the hell out of people, but for right now, well, I’m just happy not to stab myself with my needles, or strangle myself with my yarn.

How long ago did you learn to knit?
Most recently – about 9 months ago. I was taught the knit stitch by my dad’s second wife’s mom, but not knowing how to cast off, the scarf (of course) went nowhere.

Who taught you how?
Most recently – the internet.
The first time – see above

What was your first FO?
Wee doggies – an orange Homespun scarf that’s pretty damn wonky.

Favorite yarn?
Should this yarn lie to me like the last yarn lied to me, I want you to remember that I said this: I love Koigu KPPPM. Love it. If I were yarn, I’d marry it.

Favorite pattern you’ve knit so far?
Well, since I’ve knit it four times – I’d have to say Julie Anderson’s Sophie bag pattern.

Favorite pattern source?
IK and knitty. I’ll have to say ditto here.

Favorite needles?
Circulars. Clovers and Addi Turbos .

Nicest thing you’ve ever knit
The Cowl Sweater from Stitch n’ Bitch (otherwise known as the Very Bad Sweater). I gave it to my friend Shannon last night and she loved it. The girl sitting next to me said she had paid a lot of money for a similar sweater and she liked mine better.

Most hated project
The Very Bad Sweater.

Let’s see – who will I pass this on to…

Well, Wendy of course (sorry, darlin’), Melanie, and Emily.

TAG!

National Elisa Thinks Sometimes the Cosmos Shits In Your Lap And Tells You to Call it A Kitten Day

2005-02-16T23:01:00.000-05:00

No, it wasn't a good day.

It wasn't a bad day in a Terribly Traumatic kind of way. It was the kind of day that beats you down by inches. The kind of day where you start to think that maybe you've done some bad cosmic shit and now it's all coming back to you.

I had a friend once who told me he thought I must have been a very bad cat in a former life to be reincarnated as a human in this life. It's days like this when I start to believe him.

Need proof?

You know where this happened? Not close to my house. Not by a long shot. This happened as I was just starting the second of my three (sometimes four) leg journey home. I stepped off the shuttle and noticed immediately that one of my legs was no longer (har har) as long as the other. I hobbled across four intersections, into the T station, down the stairs, through the station, down more stairs, down the platform to a bench where I sat down and the genius sitting next to me said "Did your shoe break?". As I held the heel in one hand and looked at him, I replied, "Um, yeah.".

And then he laughed.

I hobbled the rest of the way home (read: I ran/hobbled off the T and literally threw myself in front of the bus that would take me closest to my house) walked up the up the front porch and was greeted by two packages:

The thing about these packages? I only ordered the two books on the right. I didn't order the package on the left. And the books I did order? I ordered them FIVE MONTHS AGO. I swear to you, there is a postal conspiracy out there, and it's gunning for me. I received a postcard in the mail last week urging me to get a PO Box. I laughed in the face of the postcard. I threw it away, scoffing at the nerve of the Post Office to ask me to get a PO Box so that I would have to go to the scary Post Office more often than I have to go now.

And then they deliver a package that I swear they've had for FIVE MONTHS.

WHO KNOWS what else they're holding of mine.

I expect to start receiving ransom notes any day now.

The last thing that happened to me is maybe the worst.

My sock lied to me.

You know what happens to liars at Chez Concateknit? I turn them back into muffins:

Blurry muffins.

That's right. You've been warned.

National Elisa Thinks The Telephone Is An Instrument of The Devil Day

2005-02-15T14:43:00.000-05:00

Alternate title: National Elisa Just Realized She’s Outing Herself About One of Her Many Crazy Behaviors Day

Because really, who needs the telephone these days? I’m just as easily accessible via email, or IM, or hell, even by blog, so why call?

For four years, I worked for a telemarketing company. Yes, I started out as a telemarketer, but then I moved my way up the food chain to assistant manager. I lived in a world where a minimum of 60 phones were ringing AT ALL TIMES. When one of our telemarketers had an order that needed verifying they would snap to get my attention, so in addition to the Ringing, there was the Snapping. For YEARS, I could blissfully ignore the sound of a telephone, but turn on a dime in a department store if someone snapped their fingers from three departments over. Admittedly, this has left me a little warped. I no longer pounce on or glare at innocent snappers, but I have a pretty well developed neurosis concerning the telephone. I hate it. If you call me, I probably won’t answer. If you leave me a message, I will probably delete it without listening to the whole thing. When I do check my messages, I listen only long enough to hear who the message is from and then I delete it immediately. Don’t tell me anything important in a voicemail message because I will willfully not listen to it. I will find out you called, delete your message, and then call you back. At some point. Of course, I will have no idea why you called, so you’ll need to tell me.

Part of my neurosis stems from the belief that no good news comes from the telephone. You know who calls me on the telephone? My Other Aunt. When it’s 7am and my phone rings? That means MOA has been up all night and has decided that at 7am ET, I’m probably awake and ready to talk to her. Oh, and she’s not up all night because she’s an insomniac.

You know who else calls on the telephone? Bill collectors. Admittedly, I haven’t received a call from a bill collector in a while, but when the phone rings, I assume it’s one of my creditors calling to harass me, especially if the call comes at dinnertime.

You know who else calls on the telephone? Telemarketers. Of course I realize the irony here. Doesn’t mean I want to talk to any telemarketers. In fact, I’m probably even more hostile than most people when it comes to telemarketers, because I know EXACTLY the type of people I used to hire.

You know who else calls on the telephone? The random family member from my dad’s side of the family who wants to tell me all about the stupid things my father has done recently. Well, you know what? He’s my dad…I already know he does stupid things. It really isn’t a news flash, although it’s great for getting my blood pressure up, thanks.

I know that you’re thinking to yourself that The Person On The Other Side of The Ringing Phone isn’t always one of Those People. But you know what? Not so much. Pretty much all my friends know about my phone phobia at this point. The messages that they leave for me are usually straight to the point, include very few details, but even more often, they don’t call, they send me an email. I relish email. Email makes me Happy. I see a friend’s name pop up as the sender of an email, and I can’t wait to open the email and find out what’s going on with them. The same person’s name pops up on my Called ID and I break out into a cold sweat.

And if the Caller ID shows the number as Restricted, well, you can bet your sweet bippy that call is going to voicemail.

It takes almost every once of willpower I have not to answer the phone “What’s wrong?” instead of “Hello?”

It takes the rest of my willpower not to bury the phone in my t-shirt drawer just so I can pretend I don’t own a phone at all.

Oh, and if I tell you I didn’t get your message because my battery was dead and I didn’t check my messages? I’m lying to you. I compulsively keep the phone on and charged. I just don’t answer it.