The Lady Geek Gazette - Experiencing A New Freedom

My Fourth

2008-07-05T10:26:00.003-05:00

Hope everyone had a happy 4th!

Mine was pretty darn good this year. I hung out with my kids who had told their father (my ex) what we were going to do. So we all hung out together. Unfortunately, my bf didn't join us. I think he likes it more quiet. So he was missing but my energy was mostly focused on the grand baby and my ex's wife's baby. They made the whole night! Their reactions to all the fireworks was so cute. OOOOOs and Oh Man! All night long. The grand baby is 2 and the other is 3. They were so cute. I got some really crappy pictures of the fireworks display we watched. And a pretty good video. And I had a good time. We went out to eat after that and then ended our night.

It wasn't weird at all to hang out with them. My ex and his wife. No one seems to understand much how we even get along. But we do. I feel comfortable. I don't want to do it all the time or much really, but last night was fine. I'm sure something will come up sometime, but for now every thing is okay. This wife is the woman whom he cheated on me with - he ended up marrying her. You know it did bother me back then, but I still knew it wasn't meant for me to be with him. Even as we ended I knew it even then. So maybe that's why.

I did notice one thing, with all this stuff happening at my place, like a few things I'd need a handy man for, I always expect my ex to help - even still. I don't think that's good but I don't seem to want to trust anyone else in that area. I don't know anyone who does that kind of work that I can call. My bf doesn't seem to know all of what I need. Some stuff yes, but not all and what he had been able to help me with, he has. So I do feel uneasy about that within me. And especially now that I hear people are screwing over others who don't know in this carpentry and handyman area...I am even more jumpy and unwilling to call anyone else. I guess that was one area I never had a problem trusting my ex with. That he did well.

Today I am thankful for:
My kids
My grand baby
the relationship I can handle with my ex and his wife
My dogs
My God, who has allowed this to enhance my life instead of letting it tear me up inside
My program which has something to do with the above as well

Long time, no posts!

2008-06-21T23:35:00.005-05:00

Geez! Its been a long time since I've posted anything new. My Pom never came back. I already have another dog who was not able to stay with my cousin. He's been through two now...one left with his son, and now they've moved and can't take the dog with them. So now he's mine. He is so playful! Its a Shitzu. Such a happy dog. I really like him. He is bigger than I wanted but is so good. He minds and has been house trained very well. I've not had a dog like that before. I've always had to work with them - a lot! Probably since I don't have much time at home anyway. It's always been work.

My grand baby was here today with my daughter. They spent time here while waiting for her car to be fixed. He is just so talkative now. He tries to say everything he hears. I wish I was more grandma-like. I feel like I should just be keeping him often, but I don't and I don't want to. I do visit them a bit. But I just love my free weekends even if I do nothing! Maybe that will change in the future. Well, enough for now...

Still haven't been to a meeting...well. Its been maybe three weeks! I do a daily posting of Courage to Change though for an online group I am a member of. Which I forgot to do today!!! So I played catch-up about an hour ago!

Feeling Better Today...

2008-03-22T13:26:00.003-05:00

I'm finally feeling better. I physically feel better now than I have in the last couple of months. And I want to do stuff now. I think I need to keep up the exercise.

I recently lost my little Pom, she just took off when she was let out to go potty! Not like her. But she'd been acting a little crazy the last few weeks. Not wanting to come back inside. Spring Fever? Well, I just have a feeling she may be back. I hope so. I am currently watching my cousins dog while he is out of town. She's real cute but, bigger than I am used to. So I am having a bit of stress since I am not used to a dog who wants so much attention. Maybe we both are because I am gone most of the day. So she wants all my attention when I get home. My other dog is a Malamute and he's old. In good shape but, he doesn't like to play so much anymore. Its funny to see him get mad and check the little one, or scare her back into place.

Easter got here pretty fast I think. I won't see my grandbaby since he's with his dad this weekend. Wah. But I do see him often.

I have not been to a meeting since the end of January. A long time! I need to get back to them. I miss them both, but I need to get to one. And my Friday Al-Anon is the one I can make it to easily. Anyway, I will. Its next week in a new meeting place! It's gonna save us lots of money too!

Well, today I'm feeling better!

Another Loss

2008-03-09T18:33:00.003-05:00

Unfortunately, my daughter lost her baby the 25th of February. It was a little girl. I am very sorry for her but I know she's glad to be out of the hospital. I have no idea how she feels after all that. She is keeping herself busy. Very busy. I am not sure she's been home overnight yet. She seems well, as well as can be expected...me too I guess.

Feeling Helpless

2008-02-23T22:56:00.003-06:00

My daughter is still in the hospital and things seem to have come to a standstill. That's a good thing. At least the baby is hanging on. So many are praying for her. I am so sorry to see her this way and I wish I could do something to help her feel better. Just being there is all I can do. I can bring her stuff she wants too. I feel so helpless but very much in prayer for her too. Ups and downs in both her spirits and mine. I want to do whatever but I am power less....I guess not really...I can still pray and just be there for her and she loves that part. So let me stop all that.

I am thankful I can be there and my bf is supportive of me while I am gone for so long. I know it would be different with my ex even though it is his daughter. He is kinda not taking all this so well. I also feel like I am neglecting my new bf being up there all night after work. But he hasn't said anything and why I even feel that way I do not understand. So I figure its just my coda traits still trying to go to work on me. I think I can be there for everybody at all times! Who do I think I am? LOL!

Still pregnant!!!

2008-02-17T20:42:00.002-06:00

Well, my birthday, bellybutton birthday just passed on the 11th. I was in the hospital with my daughter who is pregnant. She had another problem and we though, well even the doctors thought, that she was losing the baby. I am happy to say she is still pregnant but will be on bed rest until the baby comes. She is only at 5 months this week.

Poor thing she is one who hates, absolutely hates to be alone. And now she can't stand the hospital so its worse. She can't get out of the bed for anything. I've seen her daily and I am very tired. I have to shorten my visits and maybe go every other day or just make sure I get some rest!

We got our first bunch of H2A workers this past week so payroll is gonna be a bit more taxing on me too. But I do have permanent help I think! Yeah! Okay, enough for now. I am tired and still not done with stuff for tomorrow!

Working on me this week!

2008-01-26T09:00:00.000-06:00

Well, this week was a struggle for me to get myself back on track to taking care of me! I forced myself to leave the office at 5:30 unless I absolutely had to get certain things done. For me, that is only two days a week. I have been staying nearly everyday! Needlessly! Work is never done and now we are shorthanded! One jumped ship and we need help again in an area that is very involved. Well, all our jobs are involved! ALL of THEM!!! So we are all helping in that area as well!

My daughter (oldest) just turned 23 this week and she is pregnant. She had a problem this week and it seemed it was not going to turn out good. But so far, so good. Dr said she was okay as far as he could tell. She had a previous miscarriage, so we are really antsy when she has any complaints or problems and this one seemed very bad. Praying that it will all be okay though!

I finally made it back to my meeting and it was good, its always good! I did share about a thing about me finally stopping working so long and not going home on time. And I was very surprised that it was a struggle for me to do it! It really was! I also went to a Spanish class on Wednesday. I was placed in an Advanced Spanish class and I actually could follow the entirely Spanish conversation. Mostly, not totally! But a lot more than I thought! That was very encouraging to me. I've said I was not good at speaking Spanish, I do stumble over my words a lot but still try. This experience gave me lots of confidence to keep working on it! So I think I will!

Rambling

2008-01-18T19:51:00.000-06:00

I miss blogging, reading, and being read as much as I used to do it. I am so busy I am tired when I get home and don't want to blog. I should be at my meeting too. Maybe I'll go.

Year-end mania!!!

2008-01-05T10:52:00.000-06:00

OMG! I thought I worked alot when I mentioned it in a couple of posts ago. No! Year-end is here and DAMN am I working hard! Every night was late. One extra late again and then...our computers died! No I mean our network went haywire. Besides needing a software upgrade for year end. Which I guess can only be done at year-end, the network or servers flipped out and the whole company was paralyzed! And since we do our payroll in house, we could not do it on the normal schedule. So it was all completely processed on Friday!!! That wasn't as bad as it seemed - but I had lots of help - three of us working on it all day long. Geez!!! It did get done! Very late but done!!! Everybody got paid!!!

I still love my job! And I thank God for it!

Merry Christmas!!!

2007-12-25T20:59:00.000-06:00

Well, I had a nice holiday this year. I spent plenty of time with my family and a little with my bf's family too. They don't hang together so much like my family does. It was nice though. They have lots of different problems too. Different than my own family. It was interesting hearing it. There are always others worse off than yourself. You see how much your own are blessed after hearing others problems or woes.

Bad thing. I've allowed other things get in the way of my meetings. The job is one thing on Thursdays but on Friday's life is mostly getting in the way. I need to discipline myself better and JUST DO IT! Go to my meetings on Fridays at the very least! It will be a while before I can get to the Thursday night meetings again. And now they've moved up to 5 pm again! I still lack in taking care of me mostly at work. I work thru lunch, work late, don't eat or eat too late. Or wait until I feel bad to eat. I am trying to become an early bird which isn't working very well. I try to make changes and can't seem to get them done. At least I recognize and I'm trying I keep thinking. I've forgotten to ask my HP for help too. Things will smooth out when I do that but I forget to do it mostly.

I was surprised by the generosity of my bf this Christmas. I didn't expect it. I guess I expected less. And I even tried to stop it a couple of times. Then I caught my self! What am I doing? Just let him do what he wanted to do for me!

Today I am thankful for:

My family.
My boyfriend.
My dogs.
My time off from work.
My Internet.
My blog time.
My program.
My ability to see what I need to change.
My willingness to change those things I need to change!
The many blessings I have which I can appreciate now and not take for granted.
My Heat!!! Not so far away from here is St. Jo, whose power took a hit a couple of weeks ago and stayed out for quite some time!!!!
My car - dependable even with a problem.
Those new tires my dad fussed at me about getting(another thing I didn't take care of me immediately as I should have).
The free Ham and Turkey I was blessed with this season!
Christmas time!

Merry Christmas!!!!

Workaholic...

2007-12-16T22:04:00.000-06:00

Talk about unmanageable! I have worked so much this week. As is expected in Accounting, but this job has gotten to be quite ridiculous on the overtime hours. Especially for me in a salaried position. It is really crazy. But my job does need to be done. I don't know what to think. OR what to do. Its payroll. All manual by the way. ALL MANUAL!!! Its only a local company but I am not very fast when it comes to calculating cards. I can do ten-key by touch but it really isn't the way we do them. We use a spreadsheet on Excel to calculate the cards. It still isn't faster it seems or I am just really slow. I don’t' know which it is. It is my first payroll job where I am in full charge of everything. That's new. I've only calc'd cards before and that was all I had to do. Here I calc them, code them, enter them, print them, and then distribute them. I do it all. I do have help. I guess I am just fussing. It will get better. I hope anyway. I love the job, I really do. I actually love it! I like who I work for and who I work with. I don't care for my boss' tone sometimes but I don't take it personally. I can thank my program for that. I am so tired today(Friday). I worked way too long last night and couldn't help it! I need a meeting but I am too tired. Maybe Sunday night I'm thinking. My car needs the rest anyway. Hopefully, it will be fixed tomorrow(Saturday)!

This was the kind of thing my ex complained about when we were together. I totally see it now. But now I am in a slightly different position. My job needs to be done to a certain point each Thursday and any thing less means I am behind. So I don't get it. Its been five months and I'm not getting any faster! It seems. She said give myself six to get it all, but of course I'm very impatient and it isn't making anything any better. And she seems to be losing patience too. Needless to say I am a bit worried. I love it but I am worried.

Thankful for the job God has provided...I pray he gives me the ability to perform it better, in a speedier manner!

I thank God for the man in my life. Even though I won't make a move he is still helping me around here. Improve my place so winter won't be so hard. But I need to be pushed to do it!

I just thank God for having so much patience with me...I am so hard headed sometimes....well, lots of times!

I thank God for my program too.

Strong feelings today

2007-11-27T21:09:00.000-06:00

I attended a Memorial Service today for a friends mom. I did get a bit worked up while I was there. When they were describing her. It made me miss my mom. It made me wonder what I'd like said about me. Got me thinking about my life. I am very happy with it. Most of it anyway. I wish I'd handle my finances better, well, I am but it will take me a while to progress to where I wished I was. I am always so slow to make the moves I know I need to make. I keep praying for me to get better at that. But I am still not moving. Its like I am afraid of something happening. Or maybe that I may make the wrong move. It is almost like I am still with the addict who is now out of my life! Still it was good to see a couple of friends and some Al-Anon folks!

I also couldn't get in touch with my bf tonite. I've had him around a lot lately and I felt bad that I couldn't help him with his situations. I couldn't get in touch with him today and I instantly thought something was wrong. I think I'm so weird with these suddenly so strong but wrong feelings. I thought he was mad at me since he wasn't returning my calls or texts. It came on me so strongly that it was over between us and I felt it was because I refused to help him with his needing a ride to work. He goes in very early and I don't. And the couple of times I've taken him in early, I've hurt so bad all day at work, that I really can't do my job well. It is very noticeable and taxing on me. So I said no. And based on his reaction, I think it was very unexpected. But he agreed. Then when I couldn't get ahold of him, my mind started to going and kept on going. I hate that! I think too that my daughter being here last night kept me company. I love it when they come visit, but then I feel needy when no one is here. I can even have plans and when I get like this, things go so crazy for me in the emotional department!!! I get weepy and lonely-acting. I can't stand it but it happens and I always end up over-reacting to nothing! Tonight it was nothing once again. At least I think it was nothing.

Well. I could still be thinking about Mama too...I get pretty weepy when I've stirred up thoughts of her. And the Memorial service today did that.

Progress here...Backtrack there

2007-11-17T23:33:00.000-06:00

It seems that I am making progress at home. Though at the same time, I am going backwards at work! I am slowing down there. And that is not a good thing. I think my boss was stressed this week. She seemed very irritated and moody all week.

At home I am getting a little bit more done. I am loving that. But I'm on late again and I'm tired. So this will be continued soon...

I did find some very hard to find music I loved and it was stolen from me twice!!! I had not been able to replace it for years since then. My sister located it and I made the purchase today! I am so looking forward to it arriving. It is Christmas music and Contemporary Church Hymns sung by popular Christian music singers. I so enjoyed these tapes!!!! I wore them out and found CDs for some but not the Christmas music! I found one! I am making copies of them all and NOT going to carry the originals any more!!! That is my treat to me for this week! And should be until Christmas!! It wasn't a large amount of money but more than I expected to pay. But very hard to find music that gives me so much joy! I am very satisfied!

A little progress...a little...

2007-11-10T21:36:00.000-06:00

Well, its been a while and I am finally getting a very little something done around here. I wish it were more, but it is a start. I am working long hours still and when I get here, I want to just relax or go to sleep! I can't wait for church tomorrow! I have been skipping, though I went back last week, I miss hearing the word. I love my church.

I have started exercising but I do need to just make it a little more regular. It is getting to that time of year when I will definately gain weight if I do not exercise - since I don't exercise very much control over the amount of treats I eat. I want to try everything!

I have a friend whose mom went into the hospital last night and it really didn't sound good at all. It brought back to me all those feelings when my mom was about to pass. It all just rushed back quite strongly too. Well, today she is doing much better, responsive again and speaking. She had a tumor removed earlier this year and it was an incredible difference and a good recovery. Unfortunately, it is back and has spread fast this time. I hope she comes out well and stays around a few more decades! That's my prayer, and I'm stickin' to it!!!

Well, I missed my meeting Friday. I stayed late at work and then got home and just sat in front of the TV! I was not wanting to do anything but sit there! I was a couch potato all night. I had a shoe catalog too! I was dreaming of what I wanted out of it! Not broke, just cheap, too cheap sometimes. I need stuff!

Today I am grateful for:

My program.
My church.
My dogs.
My life.
My kids.
My grand baby.
My car.
The quiet me time God so obviously wants me to have. I need to have it with him!
My God, who keeps giving the time to be with him...but do I recognize it! NO!
Visits from my kids.
My home.
My PC.
My Internet.
My blog, which has helped along with journalling in my program.
My friends in Al-Anon.
My job, I still love it!
My new bottle of Lime Verbena body lotion! Oh my gosh it smells so good! Almost like the Bath and Body works one I love so much but won't buy since I'm so cheap!!! But it ain't cheap for a small bottle of lotion!

Unmanageable???

2007-10-21T22:56:00.000-05:00

I've been kinda mopey today. Feeling down and, lonely? No, not lonely. My girls where here most of the day and the grand baby too. I just feel weird. I not real sad but down a little bit. I have needed a lot of rest lately and I actually got some today. I did nothing. I was so happy to make it to my kickboxing class again today, but it was cancelled. Well. I was looking forward to that.

I still don't want to do anything around here either and I start and then quit! I can't stand it. I feel like I need help but I don't want to ask for it. I feel like I should be able to do what I need to do around here too. With out any one's help. Its my place, I should be able to take care of it! But I am very slow at changing in that area. I'm not even online as much as I used to be and I still haven't done much of what I need to do around here. Maybe I should just admit my life is unmanageable in this area and get working to apply my program here....hmmm. Maybe that's a start.

Feeling good about me today!

2007-10-17T20:57:00.001-05:00

Boy! Finally it is slowing up a little. My workload is increasing but, I am getting a start of a good flow. Still going pretty fast but I feel like I can keep up now! I wish my speed would improve sooner, I always do! My job is a very manual job, lots of manual stuff! I am so used to everything automated. So I am very slow at it. I don't get how my support does it so quickly! I really don't but she has done it for many years and I am just starting to do it, so I really can't compare to her at all!

My support is an older retired woman, she loves doing payroll, and she is very good at it! She is having a very hard time letting go of it. I don't know how long she's been doing it before I got there. But she is seriously fast and has the flow down. I think I had a hard time letting her go too, I enjoy working with her. And I've not had an office before, its tucked away from everyone and I do enjoy her company. I want her to work with more often, but I do have to be able to do the payroll alone, she likes taking trips and I can see she will not be around very much at times. When she wants off, she will take off!

I felt so good when today I got to a point I wanted to reach prior to going home! And my limit was 7pm. I made it! Right on the dot! I've been trying to make it week after week, and finally I've made it! I am still slow but I made my first goal! Now I can improve upon it! I hope tomorrow goes as well as today. I can be checking my work by the end of the day and not stay so late! That's tomorrow's goal. I will need to go in early to accomplish it I think, so that's what I'll do. I did a lot of praying too today, for the ability to do my job as I need to!

Today, I am grateful for:

the job my God gave me! I still love it!
My dogs who love me so much, and are so glad to see me when I finally get home!
the little Mexican restaurant near my home! I love their tacos.
My grand baby! He's so beautiful.
My kids, they love me so much too!
My Partylite candles
The good feeling I got for reaching my goal tonight!
God meeting my needs, and giving me the ability to take care of me!
My willingness to change. God granting me the ability to change!
My time here!
Enough money for my bills
My Internet connection
My troubles, they help me grow.
My car! My small gas tank!!!
My TV!
Exercise that makes me feel great!
Wanting to break a bad habit!
My favorite foods in the fridge!

Slowing down!

2007-10-07T09:36:00.000-05:00

Today I am staying home! I still have a lot going! But I am staying home and taking care of home today! I am going to my Sunday School Class and the one tonight! But the rest of the day is for home! I'm feeling very tired but good about me today.

Running - Running - and more running!

2007-10-01T22:43:00.000-05:00

Well, since my last post I am still working late sometimes. Its lightened up but now I am just doing too much outside of work. I want to do everything with everybody and I am wearing myself out! I need to just relax and do nothing. Or catch up on some things I need to be doing!!! Like housework! Handling my finances better! Relaxing!!! Okay, that's my update! I gotta go to bed now!

Heck of a day today was!

2007-09-17T21:29:00.000-05:00

Hey! My sponsor called me this morning! It was so good to hear from her. She's been thru a few things lately! And since I haven't been to my meetings, she decided to call! It was very good to hear from her! I wish I spoke with her more often. I guess I feel like I am bothering her so I don't call. Bad girl again!

Today was such a nice quiet day at work! It was weird. But the boss took us all out to lunch today. Everyone was hard at work today too. We ate Chinese. It was a really nice place. An unexpected surprise. I like those days! Well, no issues arose today.

I wish my speed was a lot faster than it is. I know it takes a while for me to build it up. Then one day it'll just kick in and I'll not have to worry about my speed anymore. I know how I am. Slow to get there but watch out when I get there!

Well, I guess there is one issue gnawing at me...I am not taking care of my business here at home. First I am tired or gone all the time and I sell Avon too. And I am not handling that like I feel I should! And I am supposed to be doing some accounting work for a friend. Its not happening. I really want to do that but I'm not making time for it! I wish I'd do what I know I need to do! I need to give it to God I think and then do some things that make me uncomfortable each day just so I get things done! That's how I think I should approach that! Just do something regardless of what I feel about it!!! I keep saying "I don't wanna...I don't feel like it!" Not good once again.

Hmmmm, am I being to hard on me? But they are all pressing issues to me...I don't know.

Today I am grateful for:

My two dogs who love me so much. Poor things, they are here all day long alone. They fuss at me all night when I'm here. They don't like my absence.
My DSL being back on!!!! Yeah!!!!
My Sponsor's call this morning!!! Actually that should have been number one!!!
My car. I love it.
My job, its not easy, but very fulfilling. I love it.
My coworkers, they are all cool.
My sissy, and her post about me on her blog! Now I can handle it...in the past it would've been so different.
That Chinese we had for lunch today!!!!
My baby who paid me a visit tonight!
My other daughter who didn't visit tonight!!!
All you guys out here who visit me! Thanks for reading!

Working on me!!!

2007-09-16T21:51:00.000-05:00

Well, just call me the work-aholic! My hours are getting better now but I still am very tired. Still working alot. I really need to get back to exercising. That will make me feel better and not be so tired! But surely here soon, I will get a routine and things will smooth out!

I think my boss really liked a guy that left. He made sure we all had lunch at a descent time! Since he's been gone we aren't so good to ourselves in that way. And I mean he really did. We could count on it. Now that he's gone, we are all doing our own thing and many times she goes very late if at all! Not good. I do need to work on that myself but I think she wants me to ask her and do the same things he did. Which I will not be committing myself to do! I can't do it for me most of the time. Luckily, I don't feel a pull from inside to do this for her either, but I do notice it when she wants it. She hesitates and will not actually ask, she waits for me to ask her. Every now and then she will stop and ask, and then she'll treat me! So of course I'll go! Won't turn down a free meal! And I can get what I want!

So I need to work on taking care of me and that also includes rest. I don't get that like I should. And it is all me!!! I keep wanting to stay up late knowing I need my rest! Bad girl! Bad girl!!! I am so hard headed with that!

I am still missing my meetings but I don't feel that I am losing myself in my work or making bad mistakes. I struggle with the same stuff I've always had a problem with and now I keep thinking of all the things my ex used to say about me working so much. So it is on my mind to keep my self balanced as much as I can!

And look at me!!! Still up! I gotta go to bed! Nighty nite!!!

Check out my sissy's blog if you get a chance!!!

http://isa-scifantasy.blogspot.com

Coming up for air!!

2007-09-09T15:22:00.000-05:00

Well, this week was a really bad week! I thought it was going better at my job and then I was slammed with it all on my own during (of all things) month-end and a holiday pay week, new people, new jobs, and what else could we throw in???!!!! NOT FUN! NOT FUN! But VERY much a learning experience!

I miss my meetings, I kept thinking what am I gonna share? I am so tired at times I can't think. But who cares? I can share that! I miss seeing everyone! I miss releasing my pressures, which I am doing but not to recovering folks! LOL! The outsiders are getting my pressures!

And I notice one recurring behavior that I am not keeping a grip on...that is saying, NO. I don't say it but that is what I'll do. I won't do it or not show up, or avoid them. Or something to that effect. But where that has changed is at work. I do know my limits there and they are quickly voiced. But outside of that, there is no point where I have said NO unless I was seriously tired and just not willing to do anything more. I think it should come before I reach that point, but I'm still working on it! I need to get back into the habit of exercising, and I am eating a little better(but I still could do better), and doing my daily readings, both recovery and in the spiritual department. Although, I guess they are both really one and the same!!! But you know what I mean, bible readings and recovery program readings. I miss them all! I do read on the weekends in the mornings, but most of the time I am distracted it seems, and its just not the same.

And, I keep offering help that I should not be offering. Well, let me rephrase that. I keep getting ready to offer help that I should not be offering. In the case of my bf, I tend to offer it at times but then I stop. I got spending happy to with my new found breathing room due to my new job. I did handle and am still handling a few fires and mountains I'd built, but it is calming down and I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel now. But I did get me a few new pairs of shoes, sandals and I need more clothes for work! I spend more on my electronics than anything else besides food! And my clothes I tend to not want to spend a lot of money on. But my hours are such that I can't make it to any thrift stores at this time and that is where I want to go! I've recently heard of a few good ones lately I need to check out!

I go home, pass out, then get up and go the next day! Five days a week! So I'm not doing anything at home either! I'll be glad when I get a routine and get back exercising so I won't be so tired and gone so long anymore! And that will start tonight with a new kickboxing class at church!!! That'll get me going!!!

The G-baby is here!!!! Gotta go!

Today I am thankful for:

My beautiful grand son who will be here so I can get new pictures of him for my cell phone!!!

The ability to finally pay off some debt, replace my printer with a new one, get new stuff, etc.

The opportunity to get fit and not have to pay for a class! My church is offering free kickboxing classes! One is on-going and the other is a 12 week class of basics.

To have so many old and new friends around me and wanting to hang out! So I get to do many different things! A nice variety of things!

My health, the willingness to start caring for me and the ability to see when I need to make a move!

My car!!!

My church!!!

My recovery friends and those who care about me and want to see me succeed!

My blogosphere family!!!! I miss you guys too...Thanks for sharing!

Tired, tired, tired!!!!

2007-08-30T23:42:00.000-05:00

Phew! I am a tired Mammasita!!! Just saw the grand baby after a long day at work! He was quiet and ready to pass out - like me! Good night!

Happy HNT!!!

Back Online BABY!

2007-08-28T23:36:00.000-05:00

OMG! I am finally back online again! AT HOME! I started my new job on the sixth of August! I have been so busy and tired. Long hours (for right now) heavy workload. No time to surf at work anymore! I am really liking this!!! Well, I am again really tired so it will be a very short post. All is going well. I am glad I dont' think I do not need my meetings. Though, with such a few dealings that trouble me, I am at a loss of what to share. I guess I think it needs to trouble me to share it!

I really enjoy my new boss, she's great. I like the fact that she is allowing all of us to increase in skills here. And she is there as often as we need her. She is very very busy herself.

My BF's birthday is today! He didn't want to do anything special. I think he may have wanted to see me but he didn't ask. My end-of-the-day did not go well and I ended up staying late! Wah! Checks to get out!

Okay, what's troubling me is: I am so tired I do nothing around the house! Nothing! No Avon, no chores, nothing! I did finally get the grass cut! Tonight! I paid someone to do it! FINALLY! Well, one good thing was done around the house!

Oh, and I went to the Chiefs game last week!!!! We sucked but I had fun!

Okay gotta go to bed! Bye!

Tidbit post...

2007-08-11T18:45:00.000-05:00

The Chiefs are playing today!!! Yeah! Football is back!!! I love it! I'm going to hang with the girls and see the G-Baby! Its been two weeks! I've been so busy with my new job and late hours, learning and getting familiar with my duties there! I haven't seen my man either. He has a friend in town too and so he's busy. Anyway, I'll see both sometime this weekend. I am very tired. I need to adjust my sleeping patterns. I guess the heavier workload is not what I am used to. I need to take time to sleep as I need to. My body is telling me to change my patterns and I am fighting it but, I think I'd better not. My body is winning this time. I have a longer drive to and from and in this 100+ or - heat! That is probably what is getting me so tired - the heat! Daily high 90's and humidity. Its a weird thing that I do. I have a car which has AC, but do I use it? No! I am trying to conserve gas and the AC does run it down. Maybe, I will change that now too. Gas has dropped a bit in price but I still have lots of catching up to do with my bills yet!!! I see a lot of us are getting this heat too so I am not alone! I'm really liking the new job I have to step up the exercise too! It is helping! I'll be so glad to get my DSL back! Soon! I still miss every one!!! Hope to read you soon - still!

Romans 8:28 coming to pass!!!

2007-08-05T11:34:00.000-05:00

Things I feel I need to work on are steadily popping up here recently. I have the urge to help and to keep offering the help even if I am refused. My bf has gone thru some things lately that he needed to handle and I wanted to help instantly! And I was actually surprised at myself for feeling so strong an urge to help. But thank God for my program because I was in a struggle with myself! And it really is a struggle. At least the logic of the program is winning a majority of the time. And my bf doesn't want me to help him in certain areas. He doesn't want to be dependent on anyone is the feeling I'm getting. So I feel blessed to know him. It benefits me for him to be the way he is!

I'm in such wonder that I can leave it alone so much sooner than I actually feel I could do before! You know God is so good to me and I do keep asking for His help on a much more constant basis. Although not as constant as I feel it should be, I know I am improving. And asking for His forgiveness faster when I do opposite as He's directed me. Or when I don't trust Him as I know I can! He's proven himself over and over to me and there are things I've seen Him do for me what could only be His hand in those situations. But still I need to be redirected many times. I do feel it is a good balance of disobedience and obediance to the spirit! That may sound funny, but I really feel His presence and direction in my life recently. Like an Al-Anon dad says, "When you give it up, God shows up!" And that is definately the case in many of my recent situations.

So my struggling so much will ease up for me some now. Still there are things(one major) that I need to handle that God has given me clear direction on and I am being hard head. So if you are into praying for folks, lift me up on this situation. Its not my only situation, but it is currently the most important one right now. But you know, I've recently run into an old friend who has the ability to help me in that area and that actually may make it much easier for me to go ahead and handle it with his help. And this situation brings up a trust issue with me. I won't move due to trusting people with my financial information and their help. I really don't like anyone in that area of my life! Not even when I needed assistance and had to apply to get it. I don't care who it is, I hate giving up information about me. Funny...and I'm doing a blog! LOL!

Another friend I recently told about my new job had told me something very informative when I was complaining about the job I was leaving. I'd mentioned that I wished I had focused more on finding a job sooner than I did. I could have been gone sooner. She said "No, God had His purpose for you being there. It came right when He wanted you to have it, in His time. What did you learn?" And she said it with such authority and waited for my answer! She was right. Another friend had recently said something similar to me when I said I was still looking. He'd said, "How can you be trusted with more when you don't treat this job correctly? You need to do right for your current job first!" Not in those exact words, but that was the gist! And now I'm on the way up! Once again. And the skills gained here actually were what the next employer found most interesting. The very skills I felt I did not need for my career is all I was asked about at each interview! I started seeing all my thinking had been wrong concerning what I needed!!!! Isn't that funny?!

My attitude change towards my job made it bearable to do...the bonus at work I didn't except helped me to get a car...getting the car put an end to limiting myself to only seeking jobs nearby within my city....with my car I was able and willing to apply to jobs further away that I did not even consider....who needed the skills I was currently using!

Lord, thanks for being there for this hard-head chick! Just really thankful for all my situations because I really see them coming together for my good! Bad and Good ones! All of them worked out for my benefit in the end.