Adamant Sun

Life is change, really

2008-07-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

We're now a few weeks in to the summer and it is back to the way it was before, just Kristin and I all day.

Her friend, that came over after school, has gone to spend the summer with grandmother. While I miss having someone around for Kristin to play with, truthfully two girls that age were a handful and required more of my time than just Kristin alone. Mediating is a full time job at this age. If they fight over something, you might think that a simple flip of the coin will resolve it, but then they both want to be heads. You get that resolved and then they both want to flip the coin, and you get that resolved and then there is pushing and shoving to be the first to see it as it lands. Every step of the way is just a painful tug of war. Now there would be times, sometimes entire hours where they would get along perfectly, but mostly it was just constant power struggles and I don't actually lament that we are back to just Kristin and myself during the days this summer.

The huge difference between two kids in the house vs. one, is profound enough that for the first few weeks of the summer, I was a little off balance, feeling out of routine. Kristin, of course, adapted pretty quickly, although she still talks about sharing rules she thinks up, or things to do, that she will do when "X" comes back over. I tell her, that she's gone for the summer, but at that age, I don't know how deep that sinks in. She still talks about her coming over.

The sudden change around here, back to relative peacefulness, has made me reflect on all the people who come and go. Except for family, people always come and go from my life at some point. My best friends from my school years, I have lost all contact with. When I think back to when I was growing up and remember my parents socializing, there came a point in their life, when all contact with previous friends just ceased. The reasons would be varied, but outside of family, for all of us, there was no permanence. I had school friends, but after school we went our ways. I had friends from work, but when the job was over, the similarity/bond was over, and so on. My sister has a friend from high school, and they are in their 30's now, and still connecting so that might be a friendship for life, but beyond that one, I have no experience of permanence in relationships outside of family.

In the middle of July, Kristin has a birthday party to attend. It is her 'boyfriend' from school (his claim). I haven't spoken with them, we got the invitation on the last day of school and I R.S.V.P.'d by telephone message. It will be a nice reconnection for her in the middle of the summer. I don't know if he will be in her 1st grade. I don't know if the girl who came over, every day after school, will be in her 1st grade either. I can't help but wonder of all the people that will come and go in her life. There are so many, I know, because there were so many for me. Who will be her prom date? Who will be her first date? How many girls will be at her first slumber party? Where will they be 15 years later?

Sometimes I think of stuff like this, and no, I'm not stoned. There's going to be a lot of people coming in and going out of her life, through the years ahead. It's that way for everybody. I find comfort in knowing that I (we) get to be her ground.

Castles and Fires

2008-06-13T22:09:00.000-07:00

Kristin playing. She set up her castle and wanted to take a picture of it for Papi.

This is ash from the Santa Cruz fires covering everything. It is all over the patio, the cars, everything. We are in no danger from the fires, but the smoke and ash blocked out the sun for most of the day and make it seem like it's snowing.

Thumbs down for Debbie Meyers Green Bags

2008-06-07T13:22:00.000-07:00

You've seen the commercials for those green bags that are supposed to keep your fruits and vegetables fresh several times longer than normal?

They don't work. I put an eggplant in one and two days later it had fuzzy mold all over it. The instructions say the bags are not to get wet and if they do (if the fruit or veggies perspire) to wipe them out. I put strawberries in a bag and they sweated so bad they turned to mush in two days. My tomatoes rotted in the bag in 5 days.

Do NOT buy this product.

Summer Camps

2008-06-02T15:21:00.000-07:00

There's a good article at MSNBC about summer camps for kids.

It includes a link to My Summer Camps, which is a listing of over 18,000 camps for kids! Definitely worth bookmarking.

The 3rd Annual Blogging for LBGT Families Day

2008-06-02T13:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it's time for the 3rd annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day, so here goes.

Most regular readers already know us. We are two dads and a 5 year old girl.

I originally created this blog as a way to just put our family life down in an online diary. Not surprisingly, life takes up so much time, I seldom have time to blog anymore. I babysit one of my daughter's classmates for about 6 hours a day, so it keeps my hands full. I thought perhaps some of the time they could play together in her room and then I could get stuff done. Anybody with more than one child knows it doesn't work out that way though.

Summer is coming up and I look forward to teaching our daughter how to swim this year, and also enroll her in ballet class or soccer, her interest between the two seems to switch frequently.

We are in California and my partner and I will probably get married, although we will wait until after Nov. just to make sure the voters don't amend the Constitution. I can't imagine anything more frustrating than to finally get something only to have it stripped away again. Since we've been together almost 24 years, we feel that emotionally we are as married as we can get, so for us it would just be about the rights and privileges. I would like some new ceremony though, someday, just so our daughter can experience a family-affirming experience. From some of her classmate's parents we are already encountering bigotry and it is upsetting to know that in this day and age in this country, adults would subject a kindergartener to such bigotry and deprive them of friends because of intolerance. These bumps along life's path aside, I know that our community will continue to move forward and make progress as time goes by.

Back down on a more individual level, we just keep chugging forward and trying to make ends meet, just like every other family out there.

Kristin's first sleepover

2008-05-31T00:42:00.000-07:00

Well, let's see, it's 12:43 a.m. on Friday night.

Kristin is having her first sleepover, here. She's stayed overnight at other places, but this is the first time it's been here. And they're still awake. 5 year olds, and it's 12:48 now. (I had to pause writing this paragraph, hence the 5 minute delay between paragraphs because they stormed in here fighting and crying).

...I think they are down now for the night. I hope so anyway. Apparently this fight was over covers.

This sleepover has been a good reminder to me as to what's important. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in things, work or the dynamics of adulthood, that it takes moments like this to snap me back down to where I need to be.

Toney's passed out on the couch. He didn't even try sleeping in our bedroom because it's adjacent to Kristin's room and if there wasn't a book reading or play kitchen scenario going on in there, there was a pillow fight. So he just crashed out in the living room. I'm in the office reading, working on this puzzle we've had forever and surfing. I've got the night and he'll have to handle breakfast because I'm sleeping in.

It's been a good night though, Kristin's first sleepover, she'll look back on fondly. They had ice cream and cheetos after 9 pm. Gasp. They had fun. We'll work on getting the sleep schedule back in the next day or two.

Summer, Fish and Links

2008-05-26T21:23:00.000-07:00

We didn't do much for Memorial Day, but we did go to a shopping center in Monterey and a dog beach in Carmel. Clearly there is no recession going on in those places.

We did find a great store, REI, (Recreational Equipment, Inc.) with some good stuff for camping. I imagine we will be shopping there a lot this summer.

11 school days left. I was going to enroll Kristin in swimming lessons this summer, but we just got our family reunion scheduled at the lakehouse and it's right in the middle of the lessons. So I guess I will try and teach her myself at the municipal pool early this summer.

I'm still working on our menu, we are going to eat more meatless meals, more seafood, and more fruits and vegetables this summer. When I was growing up, my family then (parents, sisters, etc.) always ate 'hearty' meals and we never had consequences. For some reason, now my family (Toney and I) are. With my high triglycerides and his diabetes, some lethargy, maybe even his kidney stones related to diet, it's like 'what is going on here'? I didn't think we were eating THAT bad.

Here are some good links for places to find the safest fish.
The Marine Stewardship Council list of seafood grown in safe fisheries.

Which seafood to buy, where and why, at www.seafoodwatch.org.

Fish rated by contaminants.

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A site that addresses some grievances that don't get covered by the liberal media. Democrats Against Obama.

Typical family day. Emergency room, shopping, field trip, and that's just by noon.

2008-05-22T22:19:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to Toney thrashing at the foot of the bed. Kristin was sleeping next to me, she ALWAYS comes into our bed sometime in the middle of the night. About 4 or 5 am, I'm waking up battling for covers. There isn't enough room for the three of us.

Anyway, I woke up because Toney was thrashing at the bottom of the bed. He was laying sideways at my feet. I was vaguely aware of Kristin lying beside me, lifting her head up too because he woke her up as well.

"What's wrong?" I ask, groggy and irritated about being woken up again. I assume it is another battle of the covers. "I don't know," Toney says, thrashing around some more.

After awhile, his whimpering and crying really wakes me up. Something is wrong. "Do you need me to take you to the hospital?" Now I am assuming it's appendicitis.

"Yes" he replies. I quickly dress Kristin and myself. She's all worried, not knowing what is going on. At 6 a.m. we arrive at the emergency room and I begin the paperwork. I'm stunned at how they let Toney sit there and squirm while they ask questions. I can't help but wonder why someone isn't treating him while I give them information.

It turns out to be kidney stones. After I did the paperwork and they took him into another room, I brought Kristin back home and gave her breakfast and waited for her friend to show up so we could go to school.

Today they had a field trip to Toro Park, (big state park, not the typical small park). After I took them to school, I got a call from our friend who stopped by the hospital to check on Toney. She told me that they were waiting on lab work and it would take several hours. (At this point, we still didn't know what was wrong).

So I went to Costco. The kids were due back at the house after school and I had no lunch for them. I was out of mayo, ketchup, bread, nuggets, a whole bunch of stuff.

I got the groceries and got back in time to pick the kids up from school. And from there we went straight to the hospital to pick Toney up. He's all mad because I wasn't there in case something went wrong.

I feel bad, but what can I do? Was I supposed to keep the kids in the emergency waiting room for the 6 hours it took? I don't want to make it seem like I wasn't concerned, but my friend told me that when she checked on him, they said it would be several hours before there was any new info. Is it wrong for me to use those several hours to continue to run the house?

Kidney stones. It looks like it really hurts. He can't sit, sometimes he can't lay down, and at those times, all he can do is pace. The painkillers (valium) doesn't seem to be strong enough.

And on top of all that, once he got home around noon, I was thinking "aha! Now he can see how these girls fight and hit each other and battle."

Of course, they were complete angels. He laid on the bed for awhile to sleep and they played at the foot of his bed for about three hours without getting above a whisper. Hello? Who are these girls and what did they do with the girls I've been trying to get control of, for the last three weeks?

Our Memorial Day weekend plans are up in the air. We found this great beach that allows dogs last week and we took our dog and it was so great we want to do it every week. Maybe not this weekend.

He's home tomorrow. Okay, after school let's see if these girls are still angels. Two days in a row would be VERY surprising. So maybe, he'll see.

Never Enough Time

2008-05-20T10:15:00.000-07:00

Kristin has more toys than most kids she knows, yet they will still fight over a doll the size of her thumb. They've destroyed the garden, trash the house daily, fight, play, fight, play. Every other day, I try to take them somewhere, just to get them out of the house, it's all a full job, but I think the hardest thing of all, in regards to running a family, is losing time.

The battles have gotten easier to deal with, now that I'm getting experience at it. It's just that it takes so much time to run a family, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to go find more work/clients, when I can't even get all the work I have to do already, done in any given day.

I try to get the house cleaned up by 8:00 a.m. so that I won't have to spend any daytime doing housework (never succeeded yet). I am trying to spend the daytime drumming up more work. Once school is out, I'm not sure how I'm going to continue doing that.

Meals can still be haphazard based on what inventory I have, and I'm trying to come up with a system that includes good meals, yet something I know picky eaters will eat. It's time consuming. The cost of food rising is forcing us to try and grow more vegetables and I need to try to go back to making my own breads, and things from scratch since it is cheaper than buying stuff already made. It's so time consuming.

Rising gas prices require me to drive less, so when we go to the park, I will pull them in the wagon. It took 3 minutes to drive to the park, it takes about 15 to walk. That's 30 minutes extra lost every time we go to the park. That 30 minutes has to come from somewhere.

My daily to-do list runs anywhere from 20-28 things per day. I am lucky if I accomplish 5-8.

There has to be a better way to organize my day. Sometimes I think I over organize/schedule, but I get absolutely nothing done if I just wing it.

Michelle Obama's low class attack

2008-05-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

Obama is currently in the news saying that the GOP attack ad against his wife is low class. (I'm not siding with the GOP here). But their ad is simply a running clip of her own words.

In this 30-second clip here, we have the most outrageous personal attack on a candidate this entire election. And it was made by Michelle Obama.

Michelle says if Hillary can't handle her own house, she can't handle the White House, putting of course, the blame for her husbands infidelity on Hillary herself.

Michelle thought it was appropriate to use Hillary's painful and humiliating experience as a weapon against her. An experience which Hillary dealt with and rose above with grace and dignity. Has Michelle ever apologized for this "low class" attack?

That may be the most outrageous attack against a candidate in this entire election. In both parties. And that one woman made it against another woman is even more appalling.

Shake Your Salt Shaker

2008-05-08T11:17:00.001-07:00

It's been interesting to see the transformation in Kristin over the last few weeks, now that she has someone to play with all day.

I always used to blog about how good she was, and it wasn't an exaggeration, she was really a little angel with just a few temper tantrums here and there. Well, now, with a peer around all day, she's more...um...normal.

She cut her bangs a few days ago and yesterday she decided to pretend that the salt shaker was a magic wand, and she picked it up, just minutes after I finished mopping and waved it all around the dining room coating the table, computer equipment and the floor in salt.

I did scold her for it, but didn't really punish her. When I told Toney about it in the evening, even he said 'kids will be kids'. While she knows it's wrong and to not do it again, at the same time, I'm grateful to see her acting more like her peers, even after I just get done mopping.

She got in more trouble for lying about cutting her bangs (I don't know how it happened, Daddy), than for actually chopping her hair into chunks. Stuff happens.

Two of a Kind

2008-05-01T22:43:00.000-07:00

Kristin stayed home today, she was up all night coughing so we let her watch tv all through the night. Whenever this happens, I just put her in the living room in front of the tv, cozy her up with a blanket and pillow, make sure she has a snack - dry cereal, goldfish or something, some juice, and I head off to bed. She watches tv, dozes off and on, and coughs all through the night. Triaminic must have caffeine in it, because I know when I give it to her she will be alert for the next 6 hours.

So, because she was awake all night, I took her friend to school and picked her up and Kristin slept through most of it. They played good today, there was little fighting. Mostly because Kristin didn't have energy, so she slept a lot while her friend watched tv. They played a bit but it was a mellow day.

We are finishing up week 2 of having her friend over all day and I've learned some more background which helps me to understand how things play out here. Two strong divas in the house, it hasn't been pretty this last week and a half. The battles have been cruel.

Well, her friend grew up in an environment of gangsters. They lived out of town, and moved into town to be closer to work. When they lived out of town was the different environment. So, Kristin's friend, who is in kindergarten too, had peers who had parents who were in gangs. This influenced the kids, which influenced her. She would have her arm twisted in school, with the other kids telling her, "are you going to cry yet?".

Ouch. Now I understand and have more sympathy for her defiance. Kristin has defiance because she was a single child who I pampered. So now there are two defiant divas battling for everything from this or that toy to a hand to hold, to a seat in the living room.

But I have a better understanding of things now. And I talk to them and let them know, 'hey, we are here together everyday. Let's make the best of it and have fun, isn't that what we want?'

It seems to be working. Kristin's friend is coming around (willing to make concessions) faster than Kristin.

We'll get there. It's been a rough two weeks, but we are making good ground.

These two divas are strong willed. Hillary Clinton like. And they are starting to really bond. And stick together. It will be formidable.

Tracking Inventory

2008-04-27T10:29:00.001-07:00

Usually, in any given day I will have 20-30 things on my todo list and I NEVER get them all done. I'm always trying to find the way to best organize my time but it seems to be an unsolvable mystery right now.

Another thing I've been working on, with moderately more success, is keeping an inventory of all foods. Basically, I've created an Excel spreadsheet and everytime I get home from the grocery story, I just jot the items in it, along with expiration date. I don't really bother with the quantity. Just "tuna, Oct. 2010" for example. Then I sort the columns by the expiration date and the ones at the top are the items to use in recipes first. It's pretty simple and it helps to ensure no waste.

If only my daily schedule could be so easy. I've got a menu planner, and while I use that to keep track of menus, it also has an inventory function but it actually takes too much time to navigate through it.

The Dentist, the Parent and the Battle of Evermore

2008-04-24T13:09:00.000-07:00

I went to the dentist today for the first time in a year or so. I had blogged about my bad experience with the last dentist, where I ended up complaining to the Better Business Bureau (which ended up siding with the dentist). That dentist told me I had periodontal disease, 17 cavities and basically had a whole list of things that needed to be done.

After enough time went by so that my anger at the dental industry was about over, I went to this new dentist today. He looked in my mouth and said, "It all looks good. I don't see any cavities or signs of gum disease." (And I had NOT told him about my experience with the previous dentist).

It made me so mad at the first dentist all over again. He is scamming people out of unnecessary work. And of course the BBB which is a business itself, will favor the business over the consumer. It's frustrating. There should be a way for customers to protect ourselves from unscrupulous businesses. But who can go to multiple dentists for second opinions? I don't know of any insurance who would allow that.

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Kristin had a playdate a few weeks back, and then went to the girl's birthday party. At the party, the mom talked about their church. Since I'm a gay parent, I never know if it is subtlety letting us know of their religious beliefs, or if it is simply something they would talk about with anybody.

Well, I called their house almost two weeks ago to arrange another playdate, and left a message. I have had no return call. That tells me what I need to know, doesn't it? It's sad because they are classmates and good friends, but apparently it will only be in the classroom.

I know when you are at this age, friendships come and go alot, based on parents schedules and things out of the kids control, but it is dismaying to see the children punished because of the intolerance of the parent.

Thankfully, Kristin has another playmate who now comes home with us every day after school and so isn't really aware of what's possibly happened.

--

Speaking of which, we are on day 3 of this arrangement and the fighting has been fierce. While working in the kitchen I can hear from her bedroom, "I hate you!" "You're not coming to my birthday party!" "You always have to have it your way!" "Don't touch that!"

I go in there and try to mediate during the more heated moments, and have even had to separate them for awhile. To a large degree, they should try to work it out and not always have someone intervene, but sometimes it gets out of hand. Right now, they are playing with the Polly Pocket Hot Wheels track, except the Polly Pocket Hot Wheels cars are somewhere in Kristin's room and neither one of them wants to be the one to 'break down' and go find them, so they are just sort of running their fingers along the track.

An allday playmate

2008-04-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

Starting Monday, a classmate of Kristin's will be coming home with us and staying here until her mom gets off work at 5:30. This is fantastic because Kristin has sorely needed someone to play with, for a long time. It is very hard raising a single kid and not falling victim to having the tv become a babysitter. Her attention span is still about 30 minutes or so, so it's constantly a chore finding stuff for her to do, or encouraging her to find something to do all day.

I know that having a playmate over all afternoon 5 days a week, it's only a matter of time before the 'sibling' type of battles begin, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. After 5 years of feeling guilty because I can't play with her all day, I'm really looking forward to this change.

Birthday presents and teeth

2008-04-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

I had my birthday recently, and Kristin has been wanting sno-cones very, very bad. So when Papi took her out to get my birthday present, she picked a sno-cone maker. And who says birthdays aren't for the kids, heehee.

We've been making sno-cones, they are remarkably easy. Also tonight, I dug out what she gave me for my LAST birthday...the ice cream maker, and used it for the first time tonight, after dusting it off quite thoroughly. It was a bit like a slushie but will harden up in the freezer I think. The taste of it was perfect vanilla ice cream, so I'll be using that quite a bit this summer. She loved it too.

I did get myself some books for my birthday and hope to catch up on some reading this summer.

She's made a new friend and we've had several playdates this week, and a birthday party at the park today.

A few weeks back, she stayed at a friends house late into the night while Papi and I went to a company dinner. The sitter commented on how well she brushed her own teeth, "what good form she had, it was actually quite scary." Her kids apparently weren't as far along in their own teeth brushing skills. And about a week ago, Kristin had a dentist appt., and they commented on how well her teeth were, and what a good job I was doing. I didn't mention to them that I haven't brushed her teeth in a long, long time. Because I know I'm supposed to be the one doing it until they are 6 or 7.

I brushed her teeth from the time they came in, until she was about 3 or 3 and a half. Then I made her do it. I stood right there beside her, instructing her, encouraging her and making sure it was done right, for about 6 months. By the time she was 4, I pretty much just put the toothpaste on her brush, set the egg timer and walked out of the room. And her teeth are perfect, her skills at brushing are apparently advanced, so maybe this whole concept about kids not being able to do it until they are 6 or 8 isn't entirely accurate.

We talked about the consequences and that you only get one set of adult teeth and I've held the brush while she held it, so she can get a feel of how it goes, but she's done it for so long now, and so very well, it's proof to me that when you assume someone can do something, you expect them to do it, and you've made sure they understand how, then you don't have to worry about it, and it gets done.

Quiet time before the Easter Bunny visits

2008-03-22T23:06:00.000-07:00

This week Kristin has been on spring break and sick, (we've all been sick), so it has been keeping me busy. Today she had a birthday party to attend and then we had to paint the Easter eggs tonight.

--

We did get two months of Showtime free recently and watched an episode of the Tudors. (It's a series about Henry the VIII). We liked it enough to download the whole first season and are now watching it. I realize the show is fiction, but the one thing that strikes out at me is that in all this time, cultures and customs may change but human interaction doesn't.

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I want to get Nancy Drew on DVD so that Kristin can watch it in a few years. Has anybody seen it? I'd like to know if it's good.

She has the old animation of Horton Hears a Who and has watched that several times, I thought it might be fun to take her to see the new one soon.

She still watches Elmo for 'comfort' I think. She's gone on to SpongeBob, Fairly OddParents, Camp Lazlo and a few other cartoons, and when I talk with the kids at school, they tell me they've seen Pirates of the Caribbean or Spiderman, which I think might be a bit much for a kindergartener, but it gives me perspective. However, when she is in trouble, or wants to feel comforted for whatever reason, she wants me to put the Elmo videos in. I suppose it is the equivalent of another kid still sucking their thumb at this age.

An Amazing Story

2008-03-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

One interesting story my dad told me.

He's a pediatrician and there was this family who adopted children with special needs he knew about. They had 14 kids and one of the children was a 5 year old Chinese boy with Down Syndrome. They had adopted him at 3 months, from China.

When my dad first met the boy, at 5 years old, his parents told him that the boy wasn't learning English but was just babbling all the time. They thought it was the Down Syndrome. In the waiting room, there was a Chinese man who recognized the boy was Chinese too, and he knelt down to speak with the boy. The boy immediately responded.

He wasn't babbling for the first 5 years of his life, he was speaking Chinese! And he had only heard the language for the first 3 months of his life and hadn't heard it since. Yet he was able to speak and communicate in Chinese (but wasn't picking up English).

It's an amazing example of the mysteries of the human mind. They ended up moving to be near a university so the boy could be studied further.

Visiting Parents

2008-03-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

I've never heard back from my client on my request for a renegotation of my contract, yet late last week he gave me some work to do. I guess this means it is back on me. Take it as is, or find some other work and then give notice. I choose the latter.

My dad and stepmom just left today, they were visiting this weekend and we took them to the aquarium for the second time. They said they wanted to do whatever Kristin wanted, and that's what happens when you let a 5 year old dictate everybody's weekend. We all had a good time though and it was like Christmas in March for Kristin, she got a lot of toys and clothes. It was a good time overall.

Not to pat myself on the back, (okay, yes that's exactly what I intend to do), we were talking over the dinner table Saturday night and my parents were talking about numerous different kids and mentioned that Kristin is the perfect personality for a child. "Whatever you guys are doing, you are doing it very well." We always hear that. I think Kristin should get the most credit, it's just the way she is. But also, I think a lot of it has been my stubborn insistence to be here at home for her all the time. We're paying a price financially, I am working, but my career hasn't been my focus since Kristin has been here, she has been. And I think that is the part where I can pat myself on the back, it's really made a difference. She is strong willed, fearless, not afraid to speak up for herself and independent. Meanwhile, I'm going prematurely grey (stress over finances) and my marketable job skills are getting rusty. I'm not complaining though, I think I made the right choice.

Just a buzzing around in my head

2008-03-03T16:14:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how much having a child changes you. Everything I do and think is from the perspective of a parent now, (as it should be). It makes for a complete inability to see eye to eye with someone motivated by a Politics of the Self.

What Does Monday Hold?

2008-03-01T22:09:00.001-08:00

I've been doing a lot of work for my client, above and beyond what I was contracted to do, and there has been some heated moments lately, from all involved, in regards to the latest project. I told my client I wanted to renegotiate my contract and submitted a proposal on Friday. He said he would respond on Monday.

I just have a gut feeling I am unemployed.

It will be interesting if I am, to see what changes take place around here. I'd have to immediately go find something, and it would obviously involve putting Kristin in daycare, a lot of dynamics can change. While nothing here is insurmountable, there still is an uneasy feeling of a huge lifestyle change for both she and I.

Breaking the Triggers

2008-02-28T22:31:00.000-08:00

Dogs are great insight into how the mind works, on the most simplistic level. Every night, our dog would start to whine and prance at the back door, itching to get out and bark at whatever she heard. As I would walk to the back door to open it, her excitement would build and build until the time my hand was on the door, she would just lose it and bark hysterically, jumping up and down, eager to get out.

This was very annoying, since it was always after Kristin went to bed, and the dog would just not respond to commands to sit still and wait for me to open the door. I had to gain control of the situation but nothing was working.

So when I went into the kitchen, to open the back door during her rapidly building episodes, I would open the garage door instead. She would dash into the garage and I would shut her in. Then I could open the back door and go back and open the garage door. Just once, she tore across the kitchen in a mad dash to go outside, but the door was already open, so the building excitement of me reaching to open the door was now gone.

So every night now, she prances and whines at the back door. When I come into the kitchen to assist, she automatically goes to the garage and waits for me to open the back door. Then she nonchalantly walks out, through the kitchen and out the back door, no barking, no hysterics. It's routine now. I got her to calm down, granted it wasn't the Cesar Milan way by making her calm down and wait for my command, but it was by removing the build up of tension towards the opening door.

It's how I've given up caffeine, smoking, sugar, my vices, it's how I've gotten Kristin to quit playing video games without complaint, how to get her to cut back on junk food and bad behavior; no - not by standing in the garage, but by breaking the triggers.

I Want To See Your Bottom

2008-02-22T21:43:00.000-08:00

I read a goodnight story to Kristin, in her bed (like I always do), then kissed her goodnight and went into my bedroom to change into my pajamas and robe.

As I took my pants off, I glance over at the door and there she is, peeking into the bedroom and giggling.

"Kristin, you need to get back into bed." I said.

"I want to see your bottom." she laughs as she walks the rest of the way into the room.

"Kristin," I repeated, "you need to get in bed, it's past your bedtime."

"But I want to see your bottom," she says again, giggling like she's already aware it's a no-no.

What do you say to that? You can't pull down your underwear and say, "Sure, take a gander," but at the same time, I didn't want to act like body parts were dirty or bad or that there is shame or disgust or anything negative.

I just said, "Honey, it's no big deal, now you need to go to bed or you're going to have a time out."

She's getting into the curious stage. I'm going to have to keep my eye out for her peeking around corners, hiding beside the bed or in the closet, etc.

staying home for President's Day

2008-02-19T21:04:00.000-08:00

I've joined Twitter. If you are a member, my handle is SteveSinCa, if you want to friend me.

Kristin had a playmate over on Monday all day. One of Toney's coworkers has a daughter who just turned six (her birthday party was Saturday), and Kristin actually just met the girl on Saturday at the party. Then Monday, since there was no school, we just had the girl come over here from 8 to 5 while her mom worked. Kristin had an absolute blast, she had never had anybody over for so long.

The house was a complete disaster, but we were okay with it because she didn't get to do this very often. Of course once it came time to clean up (after her friend had left), she threw a fit, blamed her friend for the mess and decided to never have anybody over again.

Of course that won't last. I did purge two trash bags full of toys she had outgrown and got rid of a bookcase/shelf in her room so that next time they play with everything, it should be more manageable for her afterwards. She does have too many toys still.

When she's home with me most of the time, she doesn't like to play much because she doesn't want to do the cleanup afterwards. It can be frustrating for me sometimes. "Just play." I will tell her. "Play with anything, you have so many toys."

"No," She'll say with a woe-is-me sigh, "I don't want to." And she'll just lay on her bed and chat with a doll or do something equally lackadaisical.

She will play, and get things out, but sometimes it's just too much effort to play.

A Valentine's Day Hug

2008-02-14T21:27:00.000-08:00

“Praise is warming and desirable. But it is an earned thing. It has to be deserved, like a hug from a child.” - Phyllis McGinley