The Adventures of Fevgpuvr

FIN (The End)

2005-07-14T17:15:00.000-04:00

This is my final post on this site for a long time. I will return to Athens, Georgia in September and begin my new life after the divorce. I will keep in touch with most of you through email and phone calls and hope you will do the same.

I would like to thank everyone who read along and gave me positive feedback and encouraging words. I am grateful to have such good friends and supportive family.

Love,
fevgpuvr

Budget cuts again

2005-06-07T09:51:00.000-04:00

Well gang. I just received email that my coworker is coming home as well. We started with two guys and then there were none. He will train a military replacement before returning home. I am not sure what he will do about his taxes. He may not have the luxury of hanging out in another country for a few months. I have asked him about his plans but have not heard back from him yet. This is a really poor way to run a war.

Greetings from Canada, eh?

2005-05-26T01:23:00.000-04:00

Hello all. I have arrived in Canada safely. I went to a bar to night and played pool with my cousin and her fiance. We had a good time. Tomorrow I will have to get serious about my school work and writing, but it was nice to enjoy a "night out". I received word from my company that they have granted the unpaid leave request and that I still may have a job in 4 months. I will call tomorrow to discuss potential placement with the division manager. More to follow on that later.

My personal items had been held up in US Customs until yesterday. They finally arrived in at home (according to FedEx). I will call tomorrow to confirm.

I hope all of you are doing well. I am happy to be surrounded by family, but I still miss communicating with friends. Don't be strangers. Send me an email from time to time to let me know how you are doing.

Canada bound!

2005-05-23T22:55:00.000-04:00

I am on my way to Canada. I have been tired all week and determined that I could not do the drive in 15 hours straight. I have driven 6 hours today, leaving 9 for tomorrow. So far so good.

Home at Last

2005-05-16T21:29:00.000-04:00

I have made it home safely. I am very tired. 39 hours traveling, 52 hours without sleeping in a bed or showering. Good night.

Half way there

2005-05-16T00:35:00.000-04:00

In Frankfort. On my way to Jax. See you soon.

Bon voyage

2005-05-14T19:56:00.000-04:00

This is last post for a few days. I am leaving Iraq soon and I will be in the air or in airports for two days. I will try to remember to post a couple of times before I reach Canada, but I hope to be relaxing and having a good time.

While I look forward to seeing friends and family soon, I regret the circumstances under which we will be reunited. This mission was important to me and I feel cheated that I am leaving it "Mission Not Accomplished". It is not my choice. If the bean counters back home have trimmed the spending, there is nothing I can do about it.

See you in a few days. Pray for good pilots, clear weather and no administrative problems.

Pain in the @$$

2005-05-12T03:50:00.000-04:00

Trying to get out of here is tricky. Trying to ship 3 duffle bags and a Tough Box full of personal items home is painful. I drove over to another company on a neighboring post that will allow us to ship FedEx. Apparently Customs has found a few illegal items in recent shipments from Iraq and has cracked down. I have to unpack all of my stuff and re-pack it while making a detailed, itemized list that includes serial numbers on electronic equipment like digital cameras. It took me hours to compress all of my things into those bags. Wasted. I have to play the game. If the list is incomplete or inaccurate, they will return it to Iraq. That would be a problem.

Other than the shipping issue, I have the final pieces in place to get home. I am counting the hours. Literally. Knowing that you are leaving in a few days seems worse than when I thought it would be months away. I still have some coursework to keep me busy, but I am having trouble focusing on school right now. I had better get back to work on the complete inventory of my personal belongings.

Final preparations

2005-05-10T16:50:00.000-04:00

I have packed my things and will ship most of it tomorrow. After shipping 3 duffle bags and a Tough Box full of stuff, I will still carry a backpack and computer bag on the plane. I thought I was living a relatively simple existence, but my luggage says otherwise. Two of the duffle bags are filled with military gear that I used only a couple of times or not at all. I am leaving behind a coffee maker, blankets, sheets, magazines, enough toiletries to open my own Eckerds and some Tim Horton's coffee. If I finished off the coffee at this point, I would not sleep for two weeks and someone would haul me in for "random" drug testing. The company is paying for the shipping, so I am shipping all of the books home. Thanks to all of you who sent books, magazines, coffee, sentimental items, pictures, Bulldog newspaper clippings, DVD's and food. It made my week every time I received a care package.

It was an interesting trip out here. I will take the scenic route to Canada by stopping in Jacksonville, Athens, and Atlanta. The Iraq Adventure is coming to a close. I will still do some pontificating on this site from time to time about my experience in Canada if you want to read along. I will also finish writing a book about my journey to Iraq. I have posted the first Chapter as a teaser and will post some exerpts of my future writing. I am not writing with the expectation that it will be published (I have had enough disappointment for one year), but it would be a pleasant surprise. It could happen. The industry publishes the ramblings of thousands of relatively unknown people every year.

I want to thank all of you who wrote letters, sent care packages, sent email, read this blog and prayed for me. I am deeply honored to know all of you and I hope to be able to thank all of you in person in the next two weeks or in four months when I return. Please say one more prayer for me to have a safe trip home.

Chapter 1

2005-05-07T21:40:00.000-04:00

Feel free to comment on my first chapter. Be kind but critical.
-----------------------------

Chapter 1

The two-day flight had been relatively smooth to the point. The plane was built to carry soldiers into combat, so creature comforts were not on the list of requirements. It was a long journey in near-freezing conditions that was so noisy that it required earplugs, but it could have been worse. The C5 Galaxy was considered a luxury airliner compared to other military aircraft.

I would have preferred if my thoughts had drifted nicely to and fro, but my mind had already begun to race in anticipation of the destination. My stream of consciousness was raging like a Class 5 rapid on the Colorado River. I tried to calm myself by thinking of my night in Spain. The overnight stay in the Playa de la Luz Resort in Rota was a nice farewell to civilization. It was a beautiful, sprawling Moorish-influenced resort accented with intricate ceramic tile, incredible landscaping, large fountains and an ornately decorated large swimming pool in one of several courtyards.

The hotel room was only slightly larger than a phone booth, but the view was spectacular. I had never looked to the west across the Atlantic Ocean and for a second I paused to think about the people on the other side of the expanse I had left behind. You have a whole year away from home, so don’t start that already, I thought as I turned quickly to head for the shower. It was the last night I would spend in the lap of luxury for a while and I was going to take in the sights of Rota with the two other guys with whom I had been traveling.

Rota is a nice, little Spanish town on the southwest coast of Spain not too far from the Rock of Gibraltar. We arrived on a Saturday night and it seemed everyone was downtown. In the center of town was a large open area where most of the locals gathered because it was surrounded by bars. There were a few impromptu entertainers there, but no bands or concerts like I would have seen back in my hometown of Athens, Georgia. The three of us each purchased a Guinness and sat outside to watch the people.

Mixed with the musty smell of centuries of habitation was the smell of diesel exhaust. Old Peugeot and Citron taxis scurried back and forth trying to dodge the seemingly endless supply of mopeds, while barreling down the narrow streets. That was one of the glaring differences between Europe and the United States: nowhere in the US is it considered cool to ride a moped.

We eventually decided we needed something to eat and walked around block after block of Rota looking for an open restaurant. We eventually circled back to the center of town and had something that closely resembled food from one of the bars. I discovered that my Spanish language skills leave a lot to be desired and quickly switched to English. Turns out that the bartender’s English skills left a lot to be desired as well. I settled for a couple of plates of meat and cheese and carried them back to the table. My companions were not impressed with my find, but we polished off the whole thing without too much griping. Anything goes down easily with a Guinness chasing it.

We had apparently arrived a bit too late in the evening for food and entertainment, so we headed back the resort. One of the bars on the property was still open, so we went in to play a couple of games of billiards before they finally kicked us out. OK, so Rota wasn’t exciting that night, I thought, but it was beautiful.

An Air Force crewman interrupted my moment of reflection when he came into the cabin and woke up the other two passengers. The charter military flight contained tons of equipment for our project, but only three passengers in a plane capable of carrying dozens of soldiers, their equipment and vehicles. We had all taken advantage of the immense space and had each laid across 3 seats in an attempt to catch some shut-eye before the busy day ahead.

“We’re going to be landing in about 30 minutes,” the crewman yelled above the drone of the jet engines. The Air Force didn’t spend a lot of extra money on noise-proofing material and weather insulation.

“When we approach for landing,” he continued, “the pilot may need to perform some extreme maneuvers to get us in. Make sure your gear is secure and you are strapped in. There are air-sick bags around the cabin if you need them,” he said with a smirk on his face. I was waiting for him to finish with a Stick-your-head-between-your-knees-and-kiss-your-butt-goodbye comment, but I guess there are rules against that one.

This ought to be good, I thought. The Air Force’s largest aircraft with tons of equipment in the cargo bay was going to perform combat maneuvers. The pilot had already been giving the throttle a good workout due to the turbulence we had been experiencing, now he was going to force the plane into a rapid descent. Just don’t throw up. That would be really embarrassing and would not start the one-year deployment off on a good note.

The maneuvers were not as dramatic as advertised. Bucking the trend among his Air Force comrades, the pilot made an incredibly smooth landing on the immense runway at the Baghdad International Airport. The plane rolled for a long time at high speed before the pilot reversed engines and applied the brakes. It seemed to take a half hour to roll back up to the disembarking area. When we finally came to a stop, the flight and ground crews sprang into action. Before my fellow travelers and I had even left the passenger area on the top deck, the nose and tail of the plane had been opened, and the crews were offloading the cargo pallets.

As I descended the tiny, steep ladder with my laptop, backpack and equipment case in hand, I thought about how long we had spent preparing the pallets to be loaded back in the ‘States. We had spent a few days in the hot sun getting the pallets packed and loaded to the satisfaction of the Air Force Load Master. I should have kept my thoughts on the ladder. I lost my balance and the weight of my gear set in motion a Presidential moment. I missed the last two rungs of the ladder and stumbled to the ground, but immediately bounced up as if I had struck a trampoline, hoping nobody had seen me. “I just fell off an airplane like Lyndon Banes Johnson!” I mumbled to myself. What a way to enter the country! We had arrived shortly after midnight and all the crewmen were busy, so there was a good chance nobody caught it.

Even at night in September, the heat was oppressive. “But it’s a dry heat” I had heard people say. True, but once you get over 100 it doesn’t really matter, especially when you have been in near-freezing temperatures for hours trying to stay warm under a thin blanket. The crews tell stories of people who passed out when confronted with the dramatic temperature change. Hot air has far lower oxygen content than cold air. Suddenly, my stumble on the tarmac didn’t seem so bad.

The large pieces of cargo were taken to one area while the pallets with our bags and cases were offloaded just outside the terminal, if you could call it that. The terminal was a massive military tent. Inside there were a number of liaisons from different countries each serving a different group of people. Some were serving the branches of military service, others for contractors, still others for government employees, and the list went on.

Apparently, our project manager had not been notified of our arrival time. We later learned, he had not been informed of our arrival date either. Nobody was there to greet us and escort us to our housing. Nobody in the tent seemed particularly interested in helping us either. One of the guys in our group had the contact information and tried in vain to reach the project office. No answer. Since we had no other contact information, the only remaining option was to wait for a bus to take us to our project site in the morning. Hurry up and wait. We secured our gear as best we could and headed off to the waiting area in another tent.

In the center of the massive tent there was a big-screen TV with more than a dozen soldiers parked in front of it watching SportsCenter. Maybe there was some civilization here after all. I had all but given up on the idea of catching any football games the year. My hopes of watching any sports were very low and things were already looking up. The rest of the tent looked like the Jonestown aftermath with bodies strewn all over. There were soldiers on cots, on the floor, leaning against duffle bags, leaning back-to-back against each other, and slumped over in chairs trying to take in a few precious hours of sleep. It was not clear if they were on our way in or heading out, but either way they deserved whatever rest they could get.

As I sat in front of the television, my thoughts wandered off again. I had finally made it! I had not been the type to strike out on some wild adventure. Most of my friends and family would not have though I would go this far under these conditions. I was generally more conservative and liked the status quo, but the past year had been anything but status quo.

I had moved from North Carolina to Florida with my wife, dog and two cats, leaving behind a successful Information Technology (IT) career to manage a restaurant on a resort, then quit the restaurant job to start a business in home technology and finally taken a job back in the IT field that would lead me into a combat zone. It was anything but a typical year. I smiled to myself as I pondered that last thought.

I was thankful I had family and friends that supported me. A few of my friends had tried to talk me out of it initially, but after talking with each of them, they understood my reasons for making the journey. I remembered the terrible fear I had of telling my mother. I did not want her to worry about me, but knew she would anyway. She was initially upset when I broke the news, but she quickly composed herself and expressed her support. I had a feeling that she had already figured it out from my general description of the job after the interview. She was a smart woman and I could rarely get anything past her. Nonetheless, her response was tough to take emotionally. I knew that the year would not just be tough for me but for others who cared about me. Every time there were news reports of the insurgent attacks, they would wonder if I had been hurt or killed.

I also had dreaded telling my father. My father was anti-war, anti-Bush, and was opposed to his son putting his life on the line. Old men start the wars and young men die in them, he would say. Within a few years after a war, the old guys are doing business as if nothing happened, and the kids are still dead. He had heard those words years ago when he joined the National Guard and knew he would hear them again.

My dad’s reaction was not surprising. No father wants to bury his son. The fact that I also disagreed with the politics surrounding the war, made it that much tougher for him. When I finally told my father, the reaction was predictable. “Have you lost your mind?” he gasped. “I don’t want you coming home in a body bag.” After a minute of frustration, he composed himself and began to question the logic of the decision. That was something I was prepared to handle. I had spent the past few weeks thinking about why I would accept the job and the first thing that came to mind was still the best reason.

“I was not in favor of the war either, but the troops have nothing to do with politics. My project will help save lives of those soldiers over there. I served in the National Guard but I never went overseas and I feel like I missed something. Now I can contribute to the military, but I’ll be paid like a civilian. It is a win-win situation. Besides, when you were 15, you were in the Yukon Mountains with the bears, cougars and moose on an archaeology expedition. That was your first adventure and you survived. The is mine.”

My dad replied, “Yes Son, but the bears weren’t hunting me. Those people will be deliberately trying to kill you.”

It had been a long journey to get to this point. I had already spent three months away from home in a hotel in New Jersey preparing for this mission. I hoped I would really make a difference. I knew I would go home with money, but after 15 months away from home, I wanted to go back feeling that my project truly had saved lives.

I had always been filled with a sense of duty to country, even though my political debates often chastised those in power. Born in Canada, I had immigrated to the United States at a young age and eventually became a dual citizen. Both countries believe in freedom and democracy. I am proud to hold dual Canadian and American citizenship. It is this pride that encouraged me to enlist in the National Guard years ago and pride in our military that encouraged me to join this project. It was the primary reason of the many that I had for coming here, but that was a thought for another time.

The news showed a report on the college football games that weekend. My mind had been running wild for hours and it was time to relax by catching up on the football scores.

My preliminary schedule

2005-05-07T01:02:00.000-04:00

Subject to change, my plans at this point are:
17 May - Jacksonville Area
18 May - Jacksonville Area
19 May - Drive to Athens in AM / Family Lunch & Dinner
20 May - Dinner and Night out w/ friends in Athens
21 May - Family Breakfast & Lunch / Evening w/ friends in Atlanta/Athens
22 May - Family only all day
23 May - Head for Canada

I do not have a cell phone or house phone at the moment.
Please use email to reach me if you would like to see me.

The Plan

2005-05-06T22:14:00.000-04:00

The IRS allows up to $80,000 of income to be tax deductible if a person is outside the US for 330 days out of a 365 day period. Since the project funding was slashed and I was forced home early, I would owe the IRS $15,000 more than if I remained outside the country for 4 more months. So I will visit friends and family in the South for a few days and then head to Canada, the Great White North. I will stay with family there until September when my tax exemption will be granted. $15,000 cash in 4 months is almost the equivalent of a $75,000 annual salary for 4 months. Essentially, I will be paid to take a 4 month vacation in Canada. I cannot stay in the US longer than a few days and I cannot return until September. I have some money tucked in my savings account to get me through that time without being too much of a burden on my hosts.

I have proposed a deal with my current employer to let me take leave without pay and they will find a position for me in Atlanta, Georgia when I return to the US. I will still explore opportunities in Jacksonville and in Canada, but I will most likely end up working in Atlanta in September or October. I will not make the big bucks during the next for months that I would have made in Iraq, but I will not be penalized by the IRS either. I will also be able to keep my security clearance with my current employer and will have a job to come back to. At this point I am doing damage control. I think I will survive.

This is not a WIN-WIN situation all around, but it is the best solution under the circumstances. I don't make the IRS rules, I just live by them. I know some of you will be disappointed and I am sorry, but I ran the numbers in several other scenarios and this is the only one that won't take me over a year to recover.

Hehe. I have a plan.

2005-05-06T07:08:00.000-04:00

I like this plan. So much so that I cannot sleep. I have a very silly grin on my face when I think about it. Some of you may not like this plan as much as I do, but it does not involve working in a combat zone. Just know that for the first time in over a month I am happy and after the month I have had, that's everything to me right now. The plan will work if I can get one critical person to play along... my current boss. I have a few details to work out, but I think it will work. Actually, the plan does not require his cooperation, but it would make my life a lot easier if he did and since the company has invested money in my security clearance, it would benefit them to play ball, especially after ruining my initial plan of coming home with some money in my pockets. So what's the plan?

Find out in tomorrow's exciting chapter of ... Adventures of Fevgpuvr!

Same channel, but who the heck knows what time.

All good things must come to an end

2005-05-05T16:44:00.000-04:00

This has been a devastating month for me and I was dealt one more blow yesterday. The funding for our portion of the project has been cut back and I have been ordered home by the company. I spoke with the project manager and he is looking for a position for me in the company back in the US. At this time, Orlando and Atlanta are the candidates. I have indicated a preference for Atlanta.

This is certainly not the way I wanted this to end. While I look forward to seeing all of you again, I had hoped to see more success over the coming months. I have accomplished some of my personal goals and was well on my way to accomplishing others, but I will not accomplish them all. C'est la vie, right? Fate, destiny, whatever.

I will be returning to the US in a couple of weeks.

PLEASE DO NOT SEND CARE PACKAGES

2005-05-04T20:19:00.000-04:00

Please do not send any more care packages. I will explain why in tomorrow's post.

Word of the Day

2005-05-04T03:27:00.000-04:00

In the interest of learning something new every day I have a word of the day link on my "My Yahoo! " page. Today's word of the day message (I'm not making this stuff up):

Information provided by Petersons.com

amicable

DEFINITION:	(adjective) friendly, peaceable
EXAMPLE:	Although they agreed to divorce, their settlement was amicable and they remained friends afterward.
SYNONYMS:	civil, harmonious, sociable

Writing a novel - officially

2005-05-01T04:41:00.000-04:00

I have officially decided to write a book based on my experiences here. I have fleshed out an outline and have completed a rough draft for Chapter 1. I will flesh it out a little more before I get the courage to post it. Check back in a couple of days.

The book be based on events, places, and people that have influenced my life in the past year, and will reflect on my philosophical and spiritual journey as well. I have experienced a few action sequences as well to keep your attention in between the chapters droning on about my life. It may never be published, but I hope it will be worth reading. I also hope that by posting my intentions here it will force me to actually complete it.

Back in the routine

2005-04-28T21:53:00.000-04:00

Not much to report here gang. Things have been quiet for the past couple days. Everyone seems to be counting time, myself included. I have caught up my coursework after falling behind for two weeks. I am still waiting for the graded results of my efforts to see how much damage I've done.

Things are routine here. The same work, same walls, same people, same daily routine. It will be a challenge to get through the next few months.

Can't post what I'm thinking

2005-04-26T04:46:00.000-04:00

One more self-pitying post and I will snap out of it. I have written and deleted many times what you see written here. It is therapeutic to get the words out, but if everyone said everything they thought, we would all be considered candidates for the suit with long sleeves that tie in the back. I will be fine...eventually. Please do not reply to this post. I am not trying to elicit a response.

The gravity of my loss has set in. There were times when we were married that we fought so bitterly that we could not stay in the same end of the house. The words cut deep on both sides and more than once I'm sure the neighbors thought we were crazy. But now I think about the good times we had and have trouble imagining life without her. I have lost someone that knows me, for better or worse, better than anyone else on the planet. Even though we may still be friends when I come home, we have lost that connection forever. We will each find someone different but we will not be the same to ourselves or to the people we meet in the future.

I know in the long run things will be better for both of us, but that doesn't seem to make it any easier in the short run.

Tension

2005-04-24T20:20:00.000-04:00

This is not the environment I wanted to be in when I returned. Just a few weeks ago things were running smoothly, the project was going well, and the palace group was getting along just fine. Since my return their have been some tense moments with the palace group. At this point we are ignoring each other. This helps to some degree because I can get my school work done, but I dislike living in tension (making mental note that I am in a combat zone). I am not sure I want to be associated with the two guys from the other company anyway. They often refer to the locals using derogatory names and by some of their comments, I deduce they would be quite happy in a whites-only world.

There are dissidents in every country and culture in the world, especially our own. The great thing about America is that you can say what you want (within reason) without fear of being repressed, though that has changed a bit since 9/11. The difference between insurgents here and dissidents back home is the means by which they seek to influence change. Bigots, racists, fascists, and other anti-government groups in the US are only a short step away from the terrorists we are fighting over here. Remember the Oklahoma City bombing?

Apology

2005-04-22T17:35:00.000-04:00

I cannot help but feel that I have disappointed many people with my recent divorce. I take the vow of marriage seriously and I am deeply disappointed that we could not make it work. However, a friend of mine put it this way:

"I think the two of you entered into an agreement to take care of each other, and to look out for each other's best interest. If, in the grand scheme of things, it turns out that it is best for the two of you to not be married, then I think acting on that still qualifies as looking out for each other. There is no doubt that the two of you care deeply for each other and will continue to care for each other, but if it is harmful for the two of you to remain together, then you absolutely did the right thing. And the God I believe in would be cool with that."

I am not sure if I am rationalizing the failure of my marriage or if this will help ease the disappointment, but I think he is on target. I still love her and want what is best for her...and for me. If that means we are no longer bound by marriage but we are still friends, I think I can live with that. I apologize to my friends, family and God for breaking the covenant of marriage. I ask for His forgiveness and understanding.

NEW ADDRESS!!!

2005-04-22T16:58:00.000-04:00

I have not moved, but we have a new address:

(My Name)
DISO\Genesis I
APO AE 09342

Fishing trip

2005-04-20T16:36:00.000-04:00

While I was home, I did manage to go fishing. My friend has a boat that he had nearly every system rebuilt in the past year. He often says "Boat stands for Break Out Another Thousand". It seems every trip costs the guy money for repairs. He assured me that everything was running perfectly and we headed for the ocean with two other friends. As we left the Intercoastal Waterway, we felt the force of the tide current, the wind and the surf. Fortunately, I do not get motion sick easily. After a few minutes, we noticed oil smoke coming from the exhaust pipes. My friend shut down the engine and I raced forward to drop anchor before we were pushed ashore. I released the anchor but it went out about 15 feet before I realized that the rope had been wound around the cleat. Just as I freed the rope and was letting some slack out, the anchor grabbed the bottom and the rope jerked my hand into the cleat. My hand was wedged against the cleat and I could not pull it free. I wiggled my hand along the rope and got free with a cut across 3 fingers but no broken bones.
My friend determined that the water valve that cools the engine had not been opened after the most recent maintenance. The engine overheated and would not restart for about 3 hours. When it did restart, we cruised back to the Intercoastal and fished for about an hour. My friend caught a Toad Fish, which looks like a 4 pound bullfrog with a fish tail. Ugly! When we finally decided to head back in, we could not get the anchor free. The boat trip cost Billy a $60 anchor, but at least it was not a $3000 engine. Despite the setbacks, we laughed, drank beer and had a good time.

Warming up

2005-04-20T16:22:00.000-04:00

The weather and the action are warming up. Things are much more tense here than they were 2 weeks ago when I left for R&R. There has been more activity in the area as well. I am still not worried but I have raised my level of concern. Don't worry about me though. I am still safer than most of the people in Iraq.

Life changes

2005-04-19T11:14:00.000-04:00

When I say I had an interesting vacation, it is not an exaggeration. When I arrived home, my wife picked me up at the airport, we had dinner and went back to the house. The conversation had been somewhat superficial and she seemed to be focused on something else. I finally asked her what was on her mind and she gave the dreaded response, "We need to talk". My heart jumped into my throat and I could instantly hear my heart beat banging in my head. I had a feeling I knew what was coming next. By the end of our discussion, we were in agreement about a divorce. Despite having travelled more than 40 hours, sleeping only in short bursts on airplanes, I was wide awake. I stayed up for another 30 hours on adrenaline alone. After the initial shock wore off, I had to admit she was right. We have been through couples therapy, marriage counseling, and a 4 month separation earlier in our marriage, but we always seemed to end up fighting. She is a good person and I am a good person. We are not good together. We agreed we would have the friendliest divorce possible. She had already retained a lawyer, who drew up the papers according to our instructions and I signed them without the advice of my own counsel. When lawyers get involved they screw up everything and both sides lose. She and I arrived at an arrangement that we can both live with and the lawyer merely shuffled some papers. It was smooth and relatively painless. The gravity of the situation hit me when I was waiting to sign the papers. I felt horrible but I still knew it was the right move.
To get some emotional closure, I downloaded a "divorce ceremony" from the internet. With some modifications, it was simply a few paragraphs that we could honestly say to each other to release each other emotionally from the marriage. On what would have been our 8th anniversary, we went to the beach and read the ceremony to each other. It was calm, peaceful and healing. We agreed we would still be good friends, but we were no longer married. Eight years to the day, I closed that chapter of my life.
I had so much to do to prepare for my new life before I returned to Iraq that I really did not have a grieving period other than the day on the beach. In two weeks time, I have visited the lawyer's office twice, signed the divorce papers, found a new place to live, moved my stuff, entertained friends and family, had a large party, closed accounts, opened new accounts, sold my truck, changed flight plans, executed two limited powers of attorney, and found a new roommate: a good friend of mine who is also recently divorced. We are the ... Odd Couple. I have not seen or heard anything about the old show by that name for years, but on my flight back to Frankfurt, the show was one of the in-flight entertainment selections. I was not sure if God was reassuring me that life goes on, or mocking me for my failure, or if it was just the worst coincidence I can remember. The second bad coincidence occurred only a few days earlier when I looked at my fortune cookie after my meal one evening and read, "You can count on the certainty and stability of your life to support you." I plan to have that one laminated and keep it in my wallet for the rest of my life.
My ex-wife (still sounds weird) is a good person. I still love her and remember the good times we had, but I know she did what she thought was right for her and I think it is the right thing for both of us. I admire her courage to tell me face-to-face and her integrity to tell me in time to take care of legal and financial matters. I wish her only the best and truly hope we will remain friends. We started that new relationship by going to dinner several times, going to the movies and going to the beach together. We had fun with little or no tension.