Tracee

2009-08-25T02:31:00.001-04:00

The clouds are like fat, laughing, genies dancing for an enthusiastic audience of starlight. Lucky i had to pee just now.

Virtual Public Charter School

2009-08-23T10:08:00.002-04:00

I don't know if I'll ever have time to blog again. This summer has flown by. We spent a lot of time at the beach and even more time hibernating indoors, avoiding the bugs and heat. I wasn't feeling very creative this summer and really just tagged along with whatever my husband planned for our family. I learned to fish. I can cut up raw, dead fish and bait my own hooks with them. I know you are shocked, but not as shocked as I am! The most shocking bit is that I enjoy it! Especially since it is something my husband really enjoys and so we end up sharing a hobby after all these years. Well, we've always had Dave Matthews Band as a hobby, but there's only so many concerts a year, ya know? We fish mostly in the surf on the local beaches, and the kids and I swim in between fishing. There just isn't anything that compares to being in the ocean water. I love the feel of it lapping over my body and the wind in my hair and the sound of the kids laughing. We haven't gone as much as I'd have liked to, but there's more time before it gets cold.

We started our first venture into virtual schooling this week. Ed has been asking me to try it since K-12 SC Virtual Charter School first contacted us about 3 years ago. I just did not want anyone else to be in charge of what curriculum we used or how we scheduled things or anything else. BUT, I certainly wasn't getting it done. We did school sporadically, flipping back and forth between unschooling and oh-my-gosh-we-have-to-catch-up-schooling. :) The little guys seemed to be doing really well with the unschooling. Tyler has taught himself to read and Evan is also beginning reading. They both can do simple addition and subtraction and can count to over 100. They're very creative and come up with new superhero characters all the time, role playing them too. They create their own new board games and improvise with pieces of traditional games we have in the craft closet. They are quite impressive. Philip and I were beginning to butt heads though and we really needed someone to be accountable to in order to make it work. It's been a week of serious adjustments in our family! We've gone from staying up late and sleeping in, to getting up by 7 to participate in live lessons with our teachers at 8:30. The first few days it literally took ALL day to get through all the required lessons. At least it took ME all that time. Each kid would wander away while I was with another kid, get involved in something else, or sit and bug me to get back with him. LOL. I have a much better plan this week! I have printed out every printable required, cut out every cut out required, given myself sticky notes to remind me of who has what when and required Philip to be more independent. Also, not every lesson of every unit is required to get the idea across. I spoke with Philip's teacher and she suggested I not assign anything that he already understands and same for the other children. It sounds an awful lot like "teaching to the test" to me, but it's what's going to work right now, with 3 kids and everything brand new to all of us. Ed was a major help the first two days, and totally did all of Tyler's lessons with him. He's continued to be awesome by keeping up with the dishes and cooking dinner when he's around. We've figured out there is a pattern to things and that the two big kids are doing parallel lessons, each on their own level. I think just knowing that, and having all the materials prepared will help me flow between them easier. Our school is called SC Connections Academy and is a public charter school. They are using Calvert Math, and Scott Forseman for LA, SS and Science. The boys really are thriving with it! Tyler counts up his assessment and test points and keeps a running list in his head. As of Friday, he had 800 points. Philip doesn't care that much, but simply enjoys the structure and is happy to know that he is learning what similar aged peers are learning. He is too hard on himself sometimes, too much like me and his Dad. He thinks he should be BETTER than anyone else, instead of just doing his best. What we don't know we are modeling, huh? Ay-ya-ya! Evan is simply enjoying his one on one time with me and he really loves his live lessons with the teacher each morning. There's so much more to catch up on, but I still have to clip coupons, go grocery shopping, and finish prepping for this week of school. Apologies to those whose blogs I haven't commented on recently, I have just been incredibly busy with life. :) Maybe I'll finally get out to the beach today too.

The Great Fettucini

2009-06-16T23:47:00.005-04:00

That's Evan on Mother's Day on Kiawah Island.
You know what? It's been a LONG time since I've written. I'm sure I must have so many readers waiting in suspense to see just what exactly my life and thoughts have been like recently! Hehehe. Well, lots of field trips and lots of beach days, and lots of Ed working. Today he was off and we all went to a local library to watch a guy juggle. Ed was really excited to take us, even though most of us very vocally let him know that we were not interested. Sorry husband, those kids are just SO unmotivated lately! Not to mention their bum of a Mom who would rather just sit around and escape into some good movies. I'm glad we went. The kids, surprise, ended up really enjoying the show. Philip's favorite joke from the Great Fettucini: What did zero say to eight? Nice Belt. He was cracking up. Silly. More another day....

Bottles to The Sea

2009-05-19T23:22:00.004-04:00

My husband has entered the blogosphere. www.bottlestothesea.blogspot.com. FYI, he likes comments as much as I do. :)

Funny

2009-05-16T15:24:00.002-04:00

I often go visit my husband at work. On the way to or from somewhere, I just want to see his face or get a hug. I never stay long and everyone is always nice and glad to see me walk through the store. Today, I decided at the last minute that I would pretend I needed him to come home. I didn't think anyone was going to take me seriously, as it is a Saturday and no Manager can leave on a Saturday w/out messing up the whole day. So, I walk up to Ed's co-Manager and explain that I need Ed to come home and help me with the laundry, dishes etc., and that I'm going to take him home now. The co-Manager knows I'm joking and he smiles. The lady next to him, a sales consultant, looks over to me and says, "Ok, we can work this out. How bout we hire someone and I'll pay half and you pay half." I wasn't really listening to her, not knowing she was talking to me. I totally thought she was talking about something else with the co-manager. Ed comes over, gives me a hug and she says to him "Ed please don't leave, are you really leaving?" That's when I realized she was talking to ME about hiring help to clean my house!!! Ha!! That poor woman turned so red, she was so embarrassed. I apologized and explained to her that I would never ask my husband to come home in the middle of a work day to help me CLEAN!! LOL!!! I don't even ask him to come home to go to the Emergency Room, give me some credit, hehe!! Then I realized it was too late to get money to hire someone to help clean my house and now I'm home, avoiding cleaning and writing in my blog and playing on Facebook. If ONLY I had known she thought I was serious....hehehe!

Wondrous Night

2009-05-13T00:58:00.002-04:00

It's been a while. I just really want to write about the unexpected peaceful moment I just had. A little background first though. I recently bought 5 lbs of ground chuck on sale. I needed to get it cooked up, so being a night owl, midnight was the perfect time to start. I made a pound of sloppy joes and then put some burgers on the grill. As I stood outside waiting for the burgers to cook, I looked up at the sky. It was perfectly clear, and at the same time there was a scent of Jasmine drifting toward me in the wind. I could see Ursa Major and a few other constellations and then I noticed that I could clearly see a milky white streak across the sky. The temperature, the smell, the quiet and the view were just so calming. And how silly that it all happened because I needed to make sure I didn't waste the 5lbs of beef that I got on sale. Isn't life the most wonder-filled thing? Deep, satisfying sighs. Ahhhh.

Celebrations

2009-04-26T17:37:00.011-04:00

I woke up to this in the morning.
And got this in the evening.
Holding my breath for a picture by Tyler.
Smokin! Tyler got this shot.
Zinnias are coming up! I can see teeny tiny sprouts of basil and even teenier tinier sprouts of oregano. The jalapeno pepper plant looks like it might just make it. The tomatoes are still iffy. They looked ready to bloom until I planted them. LOL For Easter, Tyler chose, among a few other things, some gladiola bulbs. He planted them with his Papa on the side of the house. He waters them each day and is excited to see them bloom. I think they take quite a while, so let's hope he's patient. Easter went better than I thought it would. The best part for me has always been hiding the eggs and watching them find them. Well, even knowing there is no Easter bunny, the boys requested multiple egg hunts and we had a good time dying eggs and hiding real and plastic ones again and again. The following week we had a second 10th birthday celebration for Philip. We got to taste wonderful chocolate and chocolate ganache cake made by my Aunt Mary for the occasion. The kids were on a sugar high for a couple of days after the party, it was nuts! Philip made out quite well in the gift card area! He is very into reading a series called Warrior Cats by Erin Hunter. He bought a few of those titles at Books a Million (thanks Nee-Nee and Papa!). Then it was off to Target where he showed off his negotiation skills quite well. He ended up trading his $20.00 Walmart gift card to me for the equivalent in cash. He was able to buy a computer game called Spore, which he's been wanting for quite some time now. Thanks Church family and Aunt Mary and Uncle Bill! And how wonderful it was to have Nathan come down for the weekend! And to top it off, Ed and I finally decided to go ahead and buy each of the boys a Nintendo DS and a game cartridge. We have a friend who works for Nintendo, so we were able to get the systems and games at a much lower price than the general public can, or else, believe you me, we wouldn't ever had purchased one, never mind three! A friend is driving the game systems in for us tomorrow, since she has some business in town anyway. The boys are CRAZY excited. The week after Philip's party was my birthday. Ed and the guys made sure I had a really nice day. Plus, being on Facebook, I got a LOT of Happy Birthday wishes. Nothing like opening your inbox to 15 or so notifications from friends wishing you a happy birthday! The boys painted the letters for HAPPY BIRTHDAY on squares of brown paper bags and Ed hung it across the pass through before he left for work that morning. They made a card for me too and Ed supervised while Evan baked a cake. Thanks to my yogic breathing exercises, I actually blew out all my candles! Ed & Philip also got some Godiva Dark Chocolate Pearls, (YUM!!) a book and a c.d. for me. All in all, I was quite impressed by Ed and the boys! Though it may make me look super simple to please, I think this was my best birthday ever! I got to go out with a good friend the night before my birthday too. I never knew exactly how good a good beer and juicy burger could be together on a night when you really need a break! Mmmmm! The past couple days the little guys have been enjoying the sprinkler and too much sun while I've enjoyed lazing around in front of the t.v. I've been cutting coupons and doing school with Philip too. He's got a much better handle on fractions than I ever did, that's for sure! I think he is capable of thinking much more abstract than I am. He doesn't need to "show his work" or even put it on paper, he can just figure it in his head. Amazing to me, who to this day, still needs to write out every zero in any math problem before I believe I have the right answer. Speaking of math, I got GREAT deals today at Wal-Mart. They had some things on sale for a $1.00 and I had coupons for them, so I ended up with: a tube of Crest toothpaste for .25, a stick of lady speed stick for .25, and a couple of bars of Irish Spring soap for .50. I've got my list ready for Harris Teeter's triple coupon week too, thanks to Aunt Mary! I'm having fun with this coupon stuff now that I'm not taking it too seriously. That always seems to be the trick. Let go of insisting that you need a nap and the baby will finally fall asleep so that you can take one. ;)

Spring Time

2009-04-17T14:53:00.002-04:00

I planted some things and I can see the green coming up! I have basil, oregano, zinnias, jalapeno pepper and tomatoes! Yay! Philip & Tyler have been working in the neighborhood raking leaves/mulch and trimming weeds for people. We got a push mower and I LOVE it! I can mow the grass now w/out vibrating from the handle for hours afterward, LOL! It has been incredibly bright and beautiful here in Charleston. I remember when we were making plans to move here how afraid I was and how I resented the whole idea. We were at a local park with friends last week and I got really caught up in the moment: the view of the harbor and freighters going by; the nature and architecture; the history. I am SO happy we made the move and that I chose to let go of the resentment and can fully enjoy my life here now! Life is beautiful! And Zoloft works well, can you tell? Hehe! I remember one particular friend quoting this to me: Bloom where you're planted." I have finally figured out how to do that here. Along with my small garden! I've been spending the last couple of days cleaning and tidying up our home for Philip's 2nd 10th birthday party. ;) We drove to Columbia a couple weeks ago to celebrate the day ON his birthday. We have his Grandparents and Great Aunt & Uncle and his very first friend (Nathan) coming over for this party, along with several of our new lowcountry friends. Tyler seems to be a bit jealous, or has some other issue going on. He is constantly doing things to get attention, and not in a positive manner. Evan seems to feed off of Tyler, so I'm doing my best to keep them distracted. I set up the bean bag toss we made for Christmas in the backyard, and I gave Tyler the push mower and promised to pay him for doing the front lawn. That worked. For all of 10 minutes. Next thing I knew, they were all playing in a pile of fresh cut logs from a large tree that was cut down across the street! I was a bit "mommy-ish" for a second, and then I leg go of it. What little kid doesn't want to go climbing in a pile of logs?? I've been spending time playing games with them and reading extra books to Tyler. It's a little trying on my patience, having to spend the extra time while I really need to get some cleaning done. But one thing I've learned over the years is that old saying is true: "Kids won't remember how dirty or clean your house is. They'll only remember how much fun they had." Which is precisely why I have so much cleaning to do before the party, ha! With all this going on, I have really been feeling the need for a break and some Mommy time. I am getting just that this evening, as a friend of mine is gathering some of her friends together for a Ladies Night Out! Ed just happens to be getting home in time (honey, if you don't, you will suffer dire consequences!) ;) and so I will get to go out! Woohoo! Happy Spring Time All!

Is the Magic Over?

2009-04-11T11:54:00.007-04:00

A sarcastic, yet playful, thank you from me to whomever is responsible for ending my fun as the easter bunny, tooth fairy, etc., etc. ;) I didn't realize it would be over before my youngest could finish being awe-inspired by these funny little tales we've passed down from generation to generation. I am so naive that I thought part of the joy of homeschooling was that they could believe in the little things, like magic, for a bit longer than most kids. I didn't realize that being homeschooled would mean they'd be too smart for such things by the age of 4-1/2, LOL! I was having a bit of anxiety today about how in the world to get my easter stuff ready for my kids. Husband's working, I'm a procrastinator, you know the drill. Philip has known for some time that it's a fun game we play, santa and the easter bunny, all that. But i thought for sure the little's still believed. So, out of earshot of the littles, I say to Philip, just to make sure, "are you excited about the easter bunny?" and he says "whatever mom. I think the easter bunny is you." I say, "good, cause I need your help getting stuff together for the little kids!" hehe. That was the fun part. Then, Philip asks the little kids if they are excited about easter. BOTH of them say, "yeah, but I know it's mom. So and so's mom is their easter bunny and so is so and so's mom." Why did you have to raise such smart children, huh? And why do mine have to be so smart also? So, any suggestions on how to have fun with such a fun day now that they know it's me?? With Philip, I have just continued to pretend and playfully explained that if he doesn't believe in magic, then magic can't happen. I think I'll do that with the littles also. Keep the game going, knowing they no longer believe. Maybe I'll start getting some credit around here for good things showing up in the middle of the night. LOL!! Does anyone out there still have kids that believe in the easter bunny or santa, etc?

A Decade of Unconditional Love

2009-04-05T11:25:00.008-04:00

Just a moment ago I kicked my soon to be 10 year old off the computer so I could blog all about him. As he was headed downstairs we did a palm match. We have done this for years. We match our palms together, base of the wrist touching. He loves to joke about how someday soon his will be bigger than mine. That day is today. The tips of his little boy fingers reach just above my Mama fingers. Making me all the more emotional about Tuesday. Tuesday marks my 10-year parenting anniversary. It seems like yesterday that I was left alone with him for the very first time. Ed left us in the car as we were leaving the hospital. He had to get prescriptions filled for me for dealing with the post-labor pains. Lots of things have changed in 10 years. :) I sat in the backseat with my newborn baby boy and I felt so alone and scared and lost. Though he wasn't crying, I began to sing to him in order to soothe my self. I didn't and still don't know very many lullabies, so I made up a song. I sang "Philip, my boy, filling me up with so much Joy." Over the years I have changed the name to sing it for my other children, but it will never mean the same thing as it does for my first born. Philip is the one that I journeyed into Motherhood with. He made me a Mama. And we have come so far together in the last 10 years. In his first weeks, the hospital sent a home-visit nurse out to check on us. If you know me, then you know if that were done today, I would be in quite a tizzy. WHAT? Sending someone to check up on me?? Hehe. Back in the day, I wouldn't have made it without that home visit nurse. I was absolutely petrified of being alone with my new baby. When Ed had to go back to work, I begged him not to! I don't remember how old Philly was, but when the nurse came to see us, we had not been outside yet. She asked me why. I explained to her that my newborn baby hadn't had any vaccinations yet. He couldn't possibly go outside with all those germs and viruses w/out being vaccinated! That poor woman. She was so patient and good to me. She very gently explained to me that "he is in this world now honey. there's nothing you can do to stop that." That sweet home visit nurse also said many other things that helped pump up the new me, the Mama me. Though I didn't believe her at the time, she told me that babies are very resilient and that there wasn't much I could do to damage him. And thus began my first-born's love of nature. We went on walks everyday from then on! It's how he went to sleep for naps. As he got older, he would reach up from his reclined stroller seat for the leaves on trees as we passed under them. As my mother-in-law says, I am very accommodating to my children. So, when baby Philip would reach for the leaves, I would pick him up out of the stroller and help him grab them. I remember how seriously I took my new position as The Mom. I was so anxious. When Philip was 5 months old, I laughed out loud at something funny Ed said. We were so shocked to hear my laughter, we froze for a moment. In that moment, we realized that I hadn't laughed out loud the whole 5 months of Philip's small life! (Except for the night we watched "Bill Cosby: Himself." LOL.) That's also the day I started to believe that I wasn't going to accidentally kill my child. If I didn't answer his cries IMMEDIATELY, he really wasn't going to die. If I thought he needed to nurse, when what he really needed was a clean diaper, he wasn't going to hate me. If I wasn't perfect, it was OK. Now that my child is days from being 10 years old, he has the ability, and uses it well, to remind me of those facts. He IS resilient. It IS OK to make parenting mistakes. It's a journey. Every one of us makes a wrong turn at one point or another. The lessons lie in allowing ourselves to be shown the way back to the path we are meant to be on. And allowing ourselves to forgive and be forgiven. As most of my readers know, I have 3 boys now. The biggest thing I have learned as a Mother is to let my children be my navigators. I still fight it when they tell me which direction to turn, just as I fight my new navigation system; or anyone else giving me driving directions. But I've never been this way before, and isn't it better to follow some navigation when you don't know which way to go? I think so. Thank you my first son, thank you for taking this journey with me and for allowing me to guide you as you try to find your way in the world. Thanks for having the courage to remind me I need to make a u-turn sometimes. Thank you for your sense of humor and your caring ways; thank you for your laughter and your hard work and play. Thank you for being You. No matter what tomorrow holds for you, always know that Mom is here to support you, in whatever way you need. Be yourself no matter what, and live your life whatever way is right for you. I love you big guy! Love, *Mom*

2009-03-30T14:10:00.000-04:00

It's been a strange day.

1/2

2009-03-28T19:50:00.003-04:00

I am blogging from my phone . ;) Watching a movie w/ my husband. Philip is spending the night w / a friend & the

2009-03-28T19:50:00.001-04:00

(2/2) little kids are playing. Life is good!

2009-03-27T00:15:00.001-04:00

Sending this from my phone to see if it works

New Phone and Cute Kids

2009-03-26T23:19:00.002-04:00

I went looking for a new plan for our phones today and found out I was "eligible" to get an upgrade on my cell phone! This is a very good thing, since my 1 key wasn't working anymore, and my 4 key was on the way out. I got a new Samsung HighNote for only twenty bucks (2 year contract, yaddi yaddi ya, Sprint has never let me down!). I LOVE it. I haven't even tried out the music or tv yet, but I have been able to post on FaceBook with it. It's a little slower connection than I'm used to, but it's NEW and it was a great deal and Ed finally has a Charleston area code and a personal phone line too. I feel guilty for having something so nice when we're supposed to be in the midst of a recession, but we did cancel cable t.v. and I am using mega coupons. I have always wanted to volunteer, and did often before I had kids. I guess I will get back into something so I don't have to feel bad for what I have. And now for something cute and gushy about my youngest child. The other morning we were snuggling together before climbing out of bed to start the day. I had gone out to a MNO (mom's night out) the previous night, so I didn't know what he'd been up to. Me: What'd you do last night? Evan: You mean the one behind this day? :) Later, Evan: My favorite letter is H and my favorite shape is a triangle. There are SO many cute things I never wrote down about my kids, so I trying to do it now whenever I remember. Last night I scrolled through Facebook and realized I've been posting there since June of 2007. Not many cute things there about my kids. And they ARE very cute and say and do things on a daily basis that I really get a kick out of. Maybe I could do a 365 cute things my kids say blog? :)

Coupons & Cute Stuff

2009-03-21T16:31:00.004-04:00

I caught a moment or two of Dr. Phil a few weeks ago. A woman was on talking about how to save money with coupons. I've met a few people locally who are majorly into coupons, with binders, lists of stores, etc. That is how the woman on Dr. Phil was. I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical. I always had the impression that you really wouldn't save with coupons, because you'd have to buy the major brands, which would end up more expensive in the long run. Well, I have been proven wrong by Ashley at Frugal Coupon Living. I have been following her blog, making note of the ways to save the most money; clipping and printing coupons; and shopping. I think because I was so excited to be saving money, I actually bought more groceries than I usually do, so that when I look at our money program, the graph shows that I've spent the same in groceries this month as I did last month. The difference is, our cabinets are full, our fridge is full, and we are eating delicious foods, at low prices. I also got two 500 pg reams of Hammermill paper from Staples for $2.00, using a rebate form. Some other good deals too. I didn't realize how much I could save, and on things I actually need and use! Philip & Tyler have been helping me cut my printable and newspaper coupons & have quickly caught on that they can benefit from this whole deal too! We've gotten about 6 boxes of Tony's Frosted Flakes in the last few weeks. I think I spent about $6.00 total on them too! There are healthful food coupons and even organic ones too. You'll have to check out my link above, or click on the Frugal Coupon Living box on the right of this post. In other areas, our lives are progressing well! I've read in a blog or two that some people think it's annoying to post gushy commentaries about kids in a blog. Sorry to those that think that, but I have to gush. (Besides, I'm finally saying positive things, everyone should be joyous that I am gushy!) Hehe! Lately, perhaps because of the pharmaceutically enhanced life I am leading, or perhaps because it's Springtime in Charleston, I have just been tickled by my children and their intelligence and charm! A few weeks ago we were visiting with friends at a park. A Mama had her 9 month old with her. The baby had very baby-fine white/blond hair. Philip was looking at him and he just couldn't contain his comment: "He looks like he came straight from the sunshine!" It was such a SWEET moment! Another Philip moment just makes me fully aware of how grown-up he is becoming. We were standing in our driveway and I noticed how tall he is now. I mentioned to him, as I often do, that I never gave him permission to keep growing up and that he needed to stop. He held back his usual comment, of "this is what's supposed to happen Mom," and instead listened to me tell him how proud I am of who he is and all he's made of. Promptly, tears welled up in my eyes, Ed came out the door asking Philip if he was ready to go fishing, and Philip says "Yeah, Mom is getting overwhelmed, we need to get going!" Hehe! The little guys are doing well also. We got a hand-me-down swing set that they've been enjoying for about a week now . I have always wanted a swing set for them and am very grateful that we finally have one. I don't know what happened to flip the switch around here, but it suddenly seems that we have everything we need here in Charleston. I finally joined the one homeschooling support group in this town that has kids Philip's age! I had been told about it since I moved here and for some reason, didn't join. I cannot explain that to anyone, least of all myself, but it's OK. We're members now and there is a weekly park day and my family gets along with everyone that was there last week. There's also a Mom's Night Out Planned for this coming Tuesday, with the same group. Ed just happens to be off, thank goodness! And, I'm back in touch with my Dad's sister and her husband, who live just about 20-30 minutes down the road from us. When I posted on Facebook that I wished I had an inexpensive babysitter, she called me right away and offered to help out! We are meeting for dinner with them next week. Isn't it wonderful? Maybe the boys and Ed & I needed some time as a family, time to enjoy each other and time to find the balance in the loss of proximity to our long-time friends and in settling in to a new and different way of life. I know things happen for a reason and that it's all so that we grow and learn. I can say that's definitely happened in the time since we've moved here. I don't know why it took this long for me to let things start flowing smoothly; I'm just glad they finally are smooth and that Spring has sprung and we're all happy and healthy! And that I can have Lowcountry friends and still keep all my other friends! Somehow I couldn't reconcile that before. I think I love Zoloft. ;)

I'm Much Better Now

2009-03-05T21:10:00.004-05:00

The Universe does have it's way of letting us know what we need. And making sure we get it. I obviously have some issues involving Jesus. LOL. I think if you get right down to it, most people raised within a church have SOME sort of issues with religion, no? Most people I've met along my path do. I always look back at recent events and am able to decipher, as much as any human can, the why behind the way things happened. I believe that Pastor Ed at Unity Church had a whole Sunday Service devoted to How Jesus Might Have Eaten for many reasons; for most people there, it was a way to learn to take care of yourself so that you'd be better able to meditate, i.e. commune with God. For me, I needed to learn that I wasn't going to find healing over night, or simply by finding a community that I could fit into. I went into that service fully expecting it to be THE answer to everything going wrong in my life. And there was Jesus. Now I know some of you very loving friends will say but Jesus is THE answer! And for you, He is! For me, he's not. God definitely is, but on my spiritual path the two are not one and the same. I came out of Unity stunned and full of unanswered questions and more than a little upset. I had been told that Unity was an all-accepting place. They have symbols on the walls of Buddhism, Taoism, etc. I was told they don't preach about Jesus. And then they did "preach" about Jesus! And when you're on the edge of a very rocky cliff and something catches you THAT much by surprise, you're going to slip and fall!!! That's what happened to me. That's what led me to finally realize and admit that I do indeed need to achieve better living through chemistry. If the topic had not been on Jesus, I may not have been caught off guard enough to finally realize what was happing. Oh and speaking of chemistry, I've switched from Lexapro to Zoloft. I don't know why, but this time around my body did NOT like Lexapro at all! So, I've got my taste buds and a few other missing-in-action human functions back again and I'm doing much better. On the path to healing. In the past few weeks I've realized that perhaps I need to get over my aversion to Jesus. It's not that I think I need to do a 180 or anything; I just think I could have a much nicer experience in life if I didn't allow all the baggage that has attached itself to the word "Jesus" or "Christian" to continue to weigh me down. I've gone back to Unity with all 3 of my boys and we all had a nice morning there. They offer free Yoga most Sunday afternoons, and a Potluck lunch once a month after service too. There are people there that we already know and new friends that Philip has made. A very nice lady, with kids Philip's age, passed her number to me last time we went. So, we're going to try to go every now and then and see what happens. And I'm going to be more open to learning about Spirituality no matter who the focus happens to be on at that moment.
I'm also working on setting goals for myself and working to attain them by creating a daily schedule. I have added myself as a student to my Homeschool Tracker and I check off each task and grade myself 100 for completing it! It is a bit overwhelming and hard to get used to keeping up with assigned tasks (no wonder my kids don't enjoy it, LOL!), but I am enjoying figuring out what goals are attainable and which ones need to be more long term or at least spread out over a week or more instead of done in a day. I have always had trouble imagining myself on a schedule or sticking with a routine. And to be honest, I haven't quite managed to stick to my daily plans; I've switched days on myself, gotten ahead or behind. But I feel like this might be the answer to what I'm starting to see as having been a very chaotic household. The kids are following morning and evening routines again; they have a bedtime; we don't always follow it, but it's there and it's good to have it. I've been getting up earlier than ever before! I think the Lexapro made me incredibly tired. Or else Zoloft is making me incredibly energetic. I don't know which is true, but I needed naps and slept a LOT the whole 6 years I was on Lexapro. Now I'm waking up before 9 most days and going to bed around 11. No naps, still have energy. I'm taking vitamins and fish oil. Life is getting better. I am getting better. Oh! And I've decided my brain isn't broken. Where'd that come from? Well it just sounds so dramatic to say your brain is broken, you know? And I talked to a psychiatrist who explained to me, in a better way than I've read or seen before, exactly what an SSRI drug does. Apparently, my brain works just fine. It's just that I have a lot of stressors (hmm, who'd a thunk it?) and my brain reacted accordingly. Some friends and I have decided that evolutionarily speaking, it is in fact quite necessary for the brain to re-uptake serotonin in times of stress; I mean, would you really want to feel like all is well in the world if a cave lion was attacking your clan?? Of course not! Now I just need to catch up to the fact that not every little thing I worry and stress about is the equivalent of a lion stealing my children from me! My goal is Balance. My mantra is Balance. My thoughts are positive. My motto is What Anyone Else Thinks of Me is None of My Business. I meditate. I play. I breathe. I live and love. And Spring is coming! And hopefully, with the help of a little SSRI, I will continue to heal and to grow and to not worry so damn much! Yay me! Thanks for reading and for all your comments and support in this blog and in real life.

That Place

2009-02-06T10:55:00.002-05:00

was all full of Jesus. I mean it's great and all that they accept people of all faiths and paths, but to have the main subject be what Jesus might have eaten, that is about Jesus. And then they say the Lord's prayers at the end. It was a very accepting place, it did have a good energy, but putting all my hope in that one basket was a mistake.

And now I'm back on Lexapro.

Church is always the last thing I reach out for, in final hope that I will be given whatever it is that I need to fix my broken brain. My brain doesn't work right. I finally know that. I tried all things natural for 5 months and here I am. I have been mean to my friends and family, living with anger and upset for at least 3 of the last 5 months. My brain just doesn't work right. It is like a diabetic person trying to live w/out insulin, when that is just silly. If it's broke, do what it takes to fix it. I sure am sad to say good bye again to my taste buds, and I still don't know the long term possible side effects of this drug. But I know I am better off on it and healthy, then off it and completely nuts.

Finding My Church or Follow Up to Prelude to Finding God

2009-01-29T12:03:00.005-05:00

The previous post was just to catch you up on where I am. This one tells the story of how I was actually introduced to the Church I'll be attending for the first time this coming Sunday. Here's a link to the Church: Unity Church of Charleston.
So, I was having a rough time. I decided I would take a friend up on her offer to attend a Tuesday night meditation class. And then I couldn't. My husband wasn't going to be home on time. And after all of the suggestions to go back to "my lexapro," I finally decided that must be the only thing I could do. Finally the block was opened. The tears began to fall. The sobs came. I had failed, for a second time, to take care of myself in a way that would be healthy enough to avoid drugs. Or perhaps, my brain just really doesn't work and I need the balance that only a chemical drug can offer. Like the comparison everyone always makes, if you were a diabetic would you avoid insulin? Well, YES, actually, I would. I would diet and exercise and do whatever else I could before actually taking the drugs. Then if I saw I needed them, I would take them. My already formed plan came immediately. I was calling my doctor the next day, asking for the prescription that he told me would be there if I ever needed it again. I tried to make it to my room before the tears got really obvious, but my youngest son caught me and squeezed me in a very comforting hug. Then he looked up at me, smiled and went back to playing. I made it to my closet, closed the door, on the phone with my husband, and fell into a full laundry basket, curled up like a baby, and let it go. He asked what was wrong and I told him this was it. I needed the medicine. I explained to him, through ragged sobs, how I thought that if I could only have found the way to work through my issues, I wouldn't really need the antidepressants, but since I couldn't get to wherever or whatever it was that could help me work it out, lexapro was the only thing left. Then my husband said one of the best things he's ever said to me. He said "I agree with you. I think you only need to work out your stuff. You don't need that medicine, and you hate the idea of taking it, didn't you get my text message?" What text message? The one that said he was on his way home and I could go to meditation class. No, I didn't get that. But, now that I heard, the tears stopped, of their own accord, just as quickly as they had come. I literally felt as though there was something pulling me from my heart, pulling me up to a standing position. I did not stop crying, as much as the crying just stopped all by itself. My mind was clear. I thanked my husband, hung up and promptly got myself together enough to not look quite as crazy as I was feeling, and prepared to make it out to that meditation class. I had to call my friend, busily caring for her pneumonia-ridden husband, several times before I finally understood her very clear and concise directions. She obviously couldn't come, so I was going alone. My brain was racing a million miles a minute. For some reason, THIS meditation class, I just knew, was THE thing that would clear my path and help me start getting better. Before I knew it, my friend was saying "and then you'll see the church on the right." The church? The what? Ok, whatever, I'm already half-way there, might as well keep going. I got there. I was 20 minutes late. I didn't have the $10.00 "donation" for the class. And I had to pee. I walked into the darkened church. Immediately, people began making room for me to sit in a circle of folding metal chairs with them. Before I sat down, I heard my name said. Someone said "hi, it's james' mom!" I know. (i didn't know, it was just what popped into my head to say.) Then, laughingly I explained that I was sorry to have interrupted only to interrupt again, but I needed the bathroom! I was led to the hallway where I would find the bathroom. Sage was burning somewhere, I could smell it. Immediately, this place felt familiar. On my way back to where I thought I should be, I saw an open doorway with one person sitting on the floor. Sage was burning in a shell beside her, a large candle lit in front of her. A sign outside the door read, Meditation Class. Hmmmm. So, this was actually where I was to be tonight. I sent a message through some latecomers back to the other group, letting them know I'd found my class. I went in, prepared for a class on yogic breathing, which goodness knows I need! I got SO much more. And wasn't More what I had been looking for? I introduced myself and was led by the teacher through a few minutes of breath practice, via a c.d. she had playing. After a short time, she abruptly turned off the c.d., explaining that she felt I needed to talk. Well, of course I did. I always need to talk! LOL. But wasn't this a meditation class? Well, there was obviously a reason it was just the two of us there that night. So, we talked. She asked a few leading questions, at which time, she got a very long winded (what, tracee, longwinded? no!) explanation of my experience with God and churches and how I just couldn't be a part of any church, though I whole-heartedly believe in God. I left out the part about how I had clung to a church the last time I was so depressed, and how it did absolutely nothing to help me, except add to my guilt and shame. Well, it ends up that this particular building that I was in that night, housed a Church whose philosophy matches mine exactly. They call themselves Christian, as they are a God-following Church. But, they believe in Spirit Guides, and reincarnation, and in all of the other things I have learned about in the last few years through therapy and books. They believe in manifesting your life through positive thoughts. They believe in and even say they could call themselves a Metaphysical Church. Can you hear my deep breathing sighs now? Ahhhhhh. AND, to top it all off, the meditation teacher is also a holistic practitioner and has offered to help me on my path to continuous healing. I have been learning that part of why I am on this earth this time around is to learn to follow my instincts. Well, I just have to say, good job me!! I did it this time. And my non-Christian-God-loving-healing-self will be at that Church, with it's nursery and it's after-church Yoga class this Sunday. And at that Church again, every Tuesday night that I can make it, for meditation class. And I just have to say thank you to everyone who loves me for taking care of me through this anxious time and for being bold enough to say what needed to be said so that I would find a way to take care of myself. I sure do get tired of doing the work, but just like with my kitchen, it will be so beautiful and sparkly when I'm done!! Oh yeah. The other class I walked into originally? A healing Reiki class, offered also by the Church. Does it get any better!? To Susan: Thank you for inviting me to your church and to your meditation class.

Prelude to Finding God

2009-01-28T10:28:00.008-05:00

I have been blocked for a little bit. Writer's block, speaker's block, friendship block. Thank God I wasn't constipated on top of everything. (well, c'mon..I was all blocked up!) I couldn't even cry. Except for the joyous tears that I couldn't stop on January 20, 2009. :) I have been more defensive than I have been for years. I have been reacting to every situation as if it rated a 10, when actually MAYBE the highest level something would reach is a 5. I have been sad and lonely and on the brink of depression again. Almost everyone important to me, those that I have shared my on the edge mood with, have suggested, implied, or blatantly told me it might be time to start ingesting pharmaceutical antidepressants again. I blocked that out too. I have been anxious and very aware of every feeling and of how it really has seemed like I may need to take something more than my natural supplements. I have been having an internal struggle with this, as much as it has been an outer struggle with those who dare tell me the truth. The number one sign for me of being on the precipice of the cliff of depression is the attitude mask that I adorn myself with. The one that reads: I CAN FIX THIS. I can get through it, I can do it and anything else that needs to be done all by myself. I will cook healthier foods, I will be nicer to the kids, (not that I'm not already incredibly "accommodating" to their each and every need, LOL!) I will make sure everything is just perfect. And of course that's impossible, what with the internal struggling and the single minded and wrong idea that I AM Alone or even that I must simply Do Everything By Myself. For one thing, I'm not alone. I have my wonderful and loving friends. I have friends in all corners of the United States and in other Countries. I have friends that whoop and jump for joy and enfold me in hugs like you wouldn't believe when I ring their doorbell unexpectedly when they believe I am at least 2 hours away and have no intention of visiting. :) I have friends across the street and next door. I have friends all over the town I live in. Friends that will babysit at the drop of a hat, friends that will meet me for a night out. And friends that really wish they could meet me for a night out. Friends that will listen to me vent and complain, even if they could be with some happy positive person that isn't venting and complaining. But for some reason, one I just couldn't explain to myself or anyone else, the block I've had up has been blocking those people out of my life. Of course I have my family, though some of them I have been blocking from my heart also. And the most patient and loving husband any woman in the world could have. If you have kept up with this blog, or perhaps if you have just spent a small amount of time with me, you know I have been struggling to find my footing in this new town. I have been trying to find some routine here that involves friends for myself and my children meeting on a regular basis. I have been looking for a community here. I already have found friendship. I have found networking. I have even found a theatre company that is graciously letting this out of practice, untrained actress call herself a "part" of their group. Perhaps it seems as though I haven't been as appreciative of all those people as I actually am. It's just that I was looking for something more. I am finding it hard to put this into words, so I'll just make it simple. I was looking for a Church. A fellowship of believers committed to spiritual growth and mutual encouragement. Of course, I didn't KNOW I was looking for a church!! LOL. I was just looking. Looking and feeling as if I wasn't finding, even though new friendships were forming. As I looked, I continued to feel empty. I kept wanting to gather groups of people around me, and I kept trying to make it into a weekly thing. This is what I had known in two other towns, this is what helped me become the parent I am, this is what I thought I needed. A playgroup of like-minded Mama's that meet every single week. It wasn't working. People in this town already have their groups formed and are too busy and already too filled up to make room for another group. Knowing that doesn't help the very distinct feeling one has of perhaps having cooties or some other contagion that nobody wants to be around, LOL! It's not that I haven't been included or invited and happily welcomed to playdates, birthday parties, and other events. It's just that somehow, being so new, or being so raw from just having left a very tight-knit group, I just wasn't feeling like I had found MY place. Perhaps it's because somewhere inside I knew was looking for MORE than friends. I was looking for God. And I think many people knew that before I did. I have had several books recommended to me, all having to do with finding God. It has been mentioned by some that I join a meditation group. It has been mentioned by others that I just go to Church, no matter what my beliefs are, just go to ANY church and by that means, I will find what I thought I had been looking for. I have been invited to attend a church recently. I had other plans and other things to do and just didn't believe that I should actually go to church. I mean, isn't that the place I learned to feel guilty and shameful for everything I'd ever done in my life that wasn't perfect? Recently, the same friend that had invited me to church, invited me to a meditation group. That happens to meet at her church. The key to getting me there, little could my friend know, was not telling me that the meditation took place in the church. Hehe! Can you tell I have a sour taste in my mouth when it comes to churches? OK, so the next part of my blog post is the story of how I found MY place, found My path, found what I have been looking for since I left the last town. I am the kind of person that wishes when I am excited, that everyone around me could JOIN in that excitement, understand the depth of it, and jump up and down with me. If you don't actually jump up and down, or shout for joy, that's OK. Just as long as you understand, I am so, SO Happy that I have finally found what I didn't even know I was looking for!

As Winter Solstice Approaches...

2008-11-18T23:46:00.004-05:00

Though I appreciate and am exposing the boys to the more pagan ways of recognizing the changing of the seasons, we have always celebrated Christmas and all the traditional Christian holy days. Not in the sense of going to church, but in the other, more cultural ways of celebrating the seasons. I read on one of my message boards a neat way to do gifts and we're going to try it this year. The theme is: Something you want, something you need, something home made and something to read. We discussed this with the boys and they are happy with it; they've already picked out yarn colors for their new knit hats and scarves. (because, of course, of how cold it gets in this part of the country, haha!) I'm excited to see how it goes, and of course they won't each end up with only 4 gifts! We are actually hosting Christmas and all of those festivities here in our new home, so Nee-Nee and PaPa will bring the REAL goods! And Ed and the boys and I will get to cook and serve the meal and everything! This will be my first time hosting Christmas. We hosted Easter the first year we lived in Spartanburg. I'm still in sticker shock over the price of that ham! Hehe. I know it's quite a chore, but I've decided to make it as fun as possible for everyone involved. I'm not going to compare my cooking to anyone else's or my way of doing things to anyone else's. It will be whatever it is, and I know that will be enough. But thank goodness I don't have Thanksgiving duty also, we're going a tiny bit up North for that. Phew! Till then I am crocheting what are turning out to be some lovely Christmas stockings for our family. Our camera is broken, or I'd post pictures. I noticed I was pretty focused on discussing the upkeep of my home in the last two posts, so I thought I'd mention the other things floating around in my brain. :) Wouldn't want anyone to think my new all natural medication wasn't working and I was obsessing about keeping my house clean..hmm, I think I heard the dryer buzzer...better run...hahahah

Re-framing My Perspective

2008-11-17T22:35:00.003-05:00

I have always come at life with the idea that it is a challenge to be conquered. I enjoy most of my life, but always in a, HA! I knew I could do that! kind of way. Somehow I got wired to believe that if I am not fighting, I can't win; if I can't win then I must be weak or stupid, or worst of all Wrong. I also had the very wrong idea that if I'm not in control of things, then whoever else is in the room is in control. Ever since I've gotten seriously interested in radical unschooling, from here on out to be referred to as "consensual living," I have figured out that not only is control an illusion, but it's an unnecessary one. I'm devouring everything I can read on the idea of consensual living. I'm learning that it's mostly about having compassion for others and finding the joy in life and being joyful when others find their joy. I had a real problem with this way of thinking at first. Turns out, it was just a misunderstanding. I thought that all this joy-talk was very airy-fairy stuff. I thought this way of thinking meant if my kids made a mess of the living room and decided not to help me clean it up, I was just supposed to joyfully clean it up. That wasn't going to happen in the frame of mind I was holding on to. Cleaning can appear to be the bane of my existence, when I'm not careful of how I'm looking at it, or expressing it to others. See, if I say bane of my existence, you might get the idea that I absolutely hate cleaning up, that I feel like I HAVE to do it, and that's it not one bit fair that I am the one *stuck* with all the mess while they get to joyfully play and do whatever happy things happy kids that aren't *stuck* cleaning get to do. And that is exactly how I was looking at it when I wanted to quit unschooling. LOL. The truth of the matter is, first off, they are not simply making a mess in the living room. They are exploring, playing, learning, living, enjoying life! That is not something that anyone should take for granted in this day and age either. Second, they are not willfully deciding not to help me. They are simply deciding to remain in whatever happy activity they find themselves in. I believe children think in positives, as opposed to negatives. They're never doing something to upset us. They're simply doing what makes them happy. Isn't that a better frame for it? The messy living room is still there, evidence of happy, joyful kids living here. And I still have no help cleaning it. So how to re-frame that? OK, I can choose to become bitter and resentful that they are enjoying themselves while I am stuck cleaning. Or I can go ahead and tidy it up, appreciating that my kids get to have these happy times. I know I'll be more joyful once the room is neat again, and then I'll go on to whatever I enjoy more than cleaning. They don't have that sense of if this, then that firmly in place yet. I do. I can be the adult and let them have their happy childhoods. And I can be glad that I have 3 amazing boys who are so involved in whatever they're doing that it lights them up and do I really want to be the one to put out that shine in them?? I do not. I also misunderstood consensual living to meant that I shouldn't even ask for help if I felt like I needed it. Wrong again. I can ask. As long as I can accept that, just as if you were here visiting and involved in something, and too into it to jump to my request, they also might just be too busy to help. LOL. Sounds pretty wacky, but it's working out so far so good. I am very new at this and don't have a lot of the answers to common questions about this way of living, but I can say it just feels good to be trying it. I've gotten frustrated a few times and tried to go back to the I'm In Charge model of living, and I have to say that definitely does NOT feel right anymore. So my short term goals are to remember to change the way I'm looking at things. Just like when my husband leaves the hair from his razor all over the bathroom sink. I can clean it up if it bothers me or I can leave it. Either way, I am thankful that he's alive and well enough to be shaving before he goes off to work hard all day long so that I am able to stay home and be with our boys all day.

Update on Unschooling and Cleaning

2008-11-06T12:30:00.008-05:00

Ever since I wrote my Radical Unschooling and Cleaning post, I keep reminding myself to try the fun, let's turn on some music and dance and clean the house style, before ever getting to the I NEED HELP mean monster mommy style. I'm sure all of you always remember to be the fun Mom before the Bad Guy Mom, right? (insert conspirational, snickering laugh here.) For whatever reason, things are just going really well with Tyler. Each time I explain that I think the house is getting too messy and ask for help, he jumps to my aid. Then, of course, Evan jumps in. With Philip, I am finding I do need to be more direct and just plain ask him to do a task. I am not particularly un-schooly about the asking, i.e., I actually do expect a Yes answer. However, when I don't get one, I am open to gentle negotiations. TIMING is negotiable, and on better days, even IF is negotiable, as long as the negotiations are respectful and gentle, on both sides. They all seem to respect that Ed and I have major issues with having the living room and kitchen a mess, and they are all striving to pick up after themselves, even saying "oh yeah!" when we remind them that toys and other things need to go back into their bedrooms. Evan actually enjoys putting his blocks back into the vinyl bin and carrying it back to his room. I am learning more about the how-to's of radical unschooling by reading archives on yahoo lists. I've decided I jumped into things and verbally lifted all controls too suddenly. It might have worked better had I just started giving more "yes" answers, and simply just been more present in each moment with the boys and my husband. And now, that is what I'm doing. Gradual is always better when it comes to change with my family. Again, I am happily bewildered with how things are going with Tyler. Giving up on thinking I am in control of him has really flipped a switch in him. He came to me in the first week of our "official unschooling" and requested I help him learn to read. We started with Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder, and at my suggestion, scaled back a few levels and are now working through Dinosaurs Before Dark by Mary Pope Osborne. [a comment here for my friend Randi: OK, yes, from the standpoint of teaching someone to read, I can see it now. these books are very terribly written and i would not recommend anyone read them with a young child. the sentences are mostly fragments, the writing is simple, etc. it is hard to sit through. i do like the repetition though, and it's much easier than the very well written Laura Ingalls books, LOL.] He is actually reading, with occasional requests for reminders from me, and incredibly determined with it also! I brought the book to the polls with us, in hopes he would request to read, and he did! He seems much more relaxed and happy being in charge of his own academia and other daily responsibilities, and many discussions are taking place that in the past would have been cut short by "whatever mom, yeah we know." Some time after I posted my request for help with radical unschooling and cleaning, it dawned on me that I don't have to cut off all limits and boundaries and guidance for my children. I can simply be more trusting that they will be able to recognize their own body cues. I can offer information, suggestions and guidance, with respect as I would to a friend. I can accept it if they decline to follow most of the information and suggestions. It is hard, but I'm telling you all of them are happier this way and our house is running smoother. I call out reminders for morning teeth brushing, and they all gather in the bathroom together to brush. I'm finding out quickly that they are more willing to cooperate when less is asked of them. To the point that if I do raise my voice or say no, they actually hear the level I'm at and they respect it by doing what I've asked of them! And one more note on the cleaning: I remembered shortly after the cleaning post, that in Columbia, I arranged Cleaning Playdates with friends. A Mom and kids would come to my house one day and the kids would play while the Mom's cleaned. The kids and I would go to their house the following week. I can't believe I forgot about that! Anyway, I've sent out the idea on my local playgroup's Yahoo list and I've gotten responses already! Yippee! So, with that plus our Historic and most wonderful Presidential Election, life here is just awesome!

YES WE CAN!!

2008-11-05T01:15:00.002-05:00

The boys and I stood in line for 4 hours today to cast my ballot for President. I didn't complain for one second of that time. I was, by far, the most enthusiastic voter in the whole place. And that should say a lot, considering the length of the line! Not knowing the outcome of the votes, tears threatening to stream down my cheeks, I let out a nice, loud, WOOT!! as I pressed "confirm vote" on my touch screen. I knew my voice would be counted. I knew no matter what the outcome would be, that my vote would count. I learned 8 years ago what it means to be on the losing end of a Presidential election. I learned what happens when we take for granted that someone else will speak up even if we don't. In that time I have learned to write letters to my representatives and to speak out about my beliefs in politics. I have learned that mistakes will be made on both sides. Most of all I have learned that I do love this Country and all that it stands for, most especially our Freedom.

Thank you to all the men and women who came before me; thank you for paving the way for me to have the right to vote. For me to have the freedom to choose to stay at home with my children or join the work force. Thank you for your determination and for your sacrifices. Thank you for fighting for and standing for and believing in freedom; then and now. Thank you for rising above color and cultural divides. Or, for not rising above that and voting the way you did because of that! Thank you to each and every one of you that stood in those lines beside me and across this Nation to vote. Thank you for voting your conscience, thank you for voting your logic. Thank you for voting for McCain and thank you for voting for Obama. Without every single voice on both sides, the true voice of the people would not have been heard. Tonight we were heard. We were heard in higher numbers and in more clarity than we have ever been heard before. (in my time) Tonight and forever more I am Proud to be an American. I feel more secure and more free this early morning than I have in more than six years. Thank you friends and family and strangers, thank you!
If I hadn't already stopped taking my pharmaceutical anti-depressants, tonight would certainly be the night to do so!! Love & Hugs and Hope to All!! ~Tracee

Get Out There & Vote!

2008-11-04T00:39:00.002-05:00

In the past couple of weeks I have come across a variety of people who, for one reason or another, have chosen not to participate in the Presidential Election this year. One friend is even going to the polls, yet refraining from casting a vote for President, because of feelings of discontent with the way the campaigning ended up. One parent I spoke with at one of my boy's soccer games told me he's never voted in his life!! I cannot even put into words how strongly I feel about this. This Country was built on Democracy and Freedom. Our founders worked very hard to make this a place where everyone's voice is heard. Unfortunately, in this imperfect world, lots of people feel their voices don't count. Others feel that by voting "for the lesser of the two evils," they are going against their conscience. I saw a bumper sticker on a van that said something to the effect of "throw away your vote, not your conscience!" I don't believe either of the two men leading this race is actually "evil." Unfortunately, we don't yet live in an ideal world where opinions can be expressed w/out negative feedback. Politics get ugly. The media put their own slant on things, and it looks even uglier. It's always been this way. Refraining from voting WILL NOT change that. And I don't think any ONE person will ever match anyone's heart and conscience fully. I think you have to look at who will be working with your candidate. And I think you have to involve yourself in legislation by calling, writing letters, organizing rally's, etc. I believe all that can be expected if you refrain from participating, or refrain from voting, is that your voice will not be heard. If you don't like the two major candidates, vote for someone else, or even WRITE IN a name. Voting is not only a privilege, but a responsibility of the citizens of this Country. As women, I think it is even more important to make our voices heard; for so long, we were not allowed to vote. Many women before us worked and struggled hard to make sure their daughters and grand-daughters would have this right and privilege! I do think it's certainly our right to abstain from that responsibility, for we are lucky enough to live in this wonderful country! I think though, that by not voting, a person is doing a disservice to their fellow country-women and men, past, present and future! And I think if you do not cast your vote, you are part of the problem, not part of the solution. If you don't like the way things are done, get involved in changing them! Change involves action, not in-action. So please , everyone, be proactive tomorrow (now today!) and get out there and cast your ballot for President!

Stepping of my soap-box now, and still not feeling like I've done quite enough to rock the vote.....