Tyrone Malone - The Urban Eye

Hang a noose, catch a bid

2008-07-23T23:26:00.004-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

After reporting more than a couple times about fools finding humor in hanging nooses (or in the Jena 6 case tryin' to intimidate the school's southside population) ol Ty was heartened to see this tomfoolery start to get the serious legal treatment it deserves. NS Shorty was kind enough to slip a note under Ty's door pointing him to an article in DiversityInc. that highlights moves by three state legistatures - Louisiana, Connecticut and New York - to make the act of hanging a noose punishable by jail time. That's right - hang a noose and do a bid.

DiversityInc. has been tracking the number of noose incidents nationally and notes that since last September there have been about 80. Ol Ty notes that just as many have occurred *above* the Mason-Dixon line as below and the middle of the country seems to have more sense than the east or west coasts. If you hit that last link it will take you to the article and an interactive version of that glossy that lets you see the details of each noose incident.

Hopefully this will make knuckleheads, particularly school students, think twice about knottin' a noose and proudly displaying it. The history of the noose remains nothing to joke about and it's nice to see folks starting to view hanging nooses as the hate crime it is.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Kwame and Marion both after bush...

2008-07-22T21:32:00.010-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

I have to admit it. When I first peeped this glossy of the honorable mayor of Detroit, Boy King Kwame Kilpatrick, I thought it was actually a glossy of Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis - no lie. I was all like, 'Damn - Jam and Lewis are finally back in the mix!' Then I took a closer look and read the caption below and was all like, 'Damn. What's this fool up to now?'

As it turns out, it's really not about what the Boy King is up to now, rather it's about what he was up to when he was gettin' text freaky with his girl, former mayor Chief of Staff Christine Beatty (C-Beat). Turns out not only was Boy King gettin' text freaky behind his wife's back, he was givin' that same business to C-Beat by gettin' text freaky with other women behind her back. Dang! The list of women (not to mention the fine citizens of Motown) linin' up to whup Kwame's a$$ is gettin' longer by the minute, y'all...

But come on now! Is this new news a surprise to anybody? Boy King's been a player since way back. Add to that the ego and power trip that comes with being a big city mayor and it's a wonder this brother wasn't textin' come-ons to himself. Stuff like, 'From Kwame to Kwame: Damn Kwame, you know you one fine brother! To Kwame from Kwame: I know, right? I just can't help it. LOL!' You think Smooth Barack needs to be careful over in the Middle East? Please, just try and be Kwame strollin' down the center city Detroit these days. Word is a lot of missing bricks are just waiting for the right time to introduce themselves to the back of his head. LOL!

Now in sadder news, former Olympic sprinter Marion Jones (Mar-Jones! Who? Mar-Jones! Who?) who has been given the new first name of 'Disgraced' by the press, has reached rock bottom by abandoning any attempts at salvaging her dignity by reaching out to president Bush (G-Dub) for an end of term pardon. Man, that's low. First - do the crime, do the time. Second - a reach out to G-Dub? Mar-Jones would have more success reaching out to Clarence Thomas or Ward Connerly or Tony Soprano.

I doubt she gets a chance to feel that G-Dub love since his queue is gonna be pretty full with his own good ol boyz. And by the time Smooth's in a position to drop a pardon on her, she'll already be out. That's just bad timing, Mar-Jones - like your last few tries at the 100 meters without juice. Oh snap! Did I just type that out loud?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty Covers The Dark Knight

2008-07-22T07:30:00.001-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

Summary review? Oh HELL yes.

Spinners? 3.5/4

Still recoverin' from that joint, y'all. It's all that and a bag of chips, a pack of Twizzler, two boxes of Milk Duds, a box of Junior Mints, two medium popcorns and the gallon sized Diet Coke. Meaning it was long (hence the missin' 1/2 Spinner) but the payoff was worth it. There was some SERIOUS a$$ whoopage going on or as ol Ty likes to say, some serious mischief and mayhem. Grand Theft Auto 4 ain't got a thing on The Dark Knight, y'all.

Ten point mini-review after the jump, spoiler free...

Ty fell through this joint with his boy 'Tini Mack and our Queens. Me and 'Tini are hard core comic book fans - the Queens? Not so much but they're always up for a little action but by the end of this one their doos where fried, dyed and to the side. Here's how ol Ty scored it:

Heather Ledger's Joker - off-the-chain. He'd give Hannibal Lecter the creeps
PG-13 rating? That was straight wrong. Grown folks were squirmin' in this one
Running time? At 2:30 minutes, it's about 30 minutes too long
Miss Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes? Nope. Maggie Gyllenhaal sounded just like her
Morgan Freeman was a bit under-utilized in this one. Michael Caine remains a perfect Alfred
The new Bat Cycle is just plain sick. I better get one for Christmas!!
Didn't catch the IMAX version but it's got to be insane with all that action footage
Ty STILL owes Christian Bale an apology for doubting he could play Batman.
Not sure what they can do to top this one but I'm willin' to wait 3 more years to see
Franchise is still intact

Extra: The upcoming James Bond flick, A Quantum of Solace, is lookin' hot too, y'all!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

DVR Alert: Black in America

2008-07-21T07:08:00.009-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

Two new episodes from CNN's highly regarded series Black in America debut this week, providing new opportunities for folks to get an objective view inside the southside nation (that includes you booshie negros up in Martha's Vineyard...). On Wednesday, July 23rd at 9 pm ET, the focus will be on 'The Black Woman and Family' (also known as 'The Southside Shorty & Fam' here in the Malone Zone). CNN breaks this episode down as an exploration of '...the varied experiences of black women and families and investigates the disturbing statistics of single parenthood, racial disparities between students and the devastating toll of HIV/AIDS...the progress of black women in the workplace and the status of the black middle class'.

Then on Thursday, July 24th at 9 pm ET, the focus shifts to 'The Black Man' (which truthfully should have been shot on location here in the basement, y'all, but that's just me...) to provide an evaluation of '...the state of black men in America and explores the controversial topics of black men and fatherhood; disparities between blacks and whites in educational, career and financial achievement; and factors leading to the dramatic rates of black male incarceration. The documentary also examines the achievements of black men and the importance of the positive influences of black fathers'.

Both episodes will be hosted by smooth shorty Soledad O'Brien, one of CNN's most ethnically diverse reporters (if she had married Tiger Woods, their kids would have qualified for the new racial category 'Global') so ol Ty is expecting two, well constructed, informative, thought provoking pieces. Kinda like my posts. We'll see if Soledad is able to bring the heat like ol Ty. Don't say I didn't let y'all know about this in PLENTY of time.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Race Divide Still Wide Open and Jesse Ain't Helpin'

2008-07-17T11:55:00.013-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

It seems our boy J-Jack had more to say on his 'hot mic moment' than just his desire to castrate Smooth Barack. Fox News has been cagey with the complete video from jump street, but somehow, via an inside job, Mediabistro's TVNewser got a hot copy of the transcript and quickly published the fact that not only did J-Jack wax violent about Smooth Barack's nuts, he also said that Smooth is 'telling ni##ers how to behave..'.

That hypocritical comment refers to Smooth's unrepentant decision to continue speaking out against absence fathers and for more self-accountability within the southside nation. Here's a clip from an MSNBC interview with BET's Jeff Johnson that seeks to put this n-word madness (and Jesse's willing use of it) into context.

It seems to me that all of Jesse's comments during his 'hot mic' moment are going to drop sooner or later anyway, so what's holding Fox back from just giving up the whole off-the-cuff discussion? To his credit, Rev. Al jumped on Jesse just as he would any other serial n-word abuser but I think it's time to park Jesse in whatever undisclosed location they parked Rev. J-Wright - out of sight, out of mind.

At any rate, I'm sure we'll be hearing more of that in the days to come, but what's already in the hopper is a recent New York Times/CBS News poll that shows - unsurprisingly - that Smooth's candidacy has done little to close the American racial divide...

I say unsurprisingly since ol Ty knows our racial feelings in this country run deep. Things continue to get better, but there's no better way to speed that process along than by folks gettin' to know one another better and to stop staying so isolated in their own sides, but until that day arrives, here's where we currently stand:

Favorable opinion of Smooth
- Southside: 80%, Northside: 30%
Race relations generally bad

Southside: ~60% yes, Northside: 34% yes

Progress made eliminating racial discrimination?

Southsiders: 40% none, Northsiders: less than 20%

Too much made of racial barriers facing Southsiders?

Southside: 50% no, Northside: 25% yes

True, a southside presidential candidate or president can go a long way toward dispelling misconceived notions about southsiders, but we won't see real progress until we all are a lot less nervous to mingle with players from the other side. As my boy 'Tini Mack and I observed the other day after he returned from a trip to Paris - France, y'all not Texas..tho the culture there can be equally foreign... - there is so much more that we have in common as people than things we don't.

We need to meet halfway on this y'all. In fact, there's a little bit of that going on here in the Malone Zone. Y'all have seen the comments from my boy D-Splash from TheDarkStuff.com. D-Splash is a northside homey from Nebraska who's been readin' The Urban Eye for more than a few - a blog that caters to the southside point of view. No one is forcin' him to read it. He reads it to get the southside view of things and he enhances the conversation by providing his northside view of things. We don't agree on everything but we respect each others views and learn from the expanded conversation. Ol Ty's got mad respect for D-Splash and that's an attitude we need more of. Read, learn, listen, challenge and respect. It ain't that hard, y'all. Really.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty PSA - Hoopty Tires

2008-07-16T08:50:00.006-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

I caught this story on 20/20 over my basement email wire. I missed the original airing so I thought I'd check it out since I'm not known to rotate the tires on the hoopty too frequently. In my impressionable days I used to believe that as long as a tire had enough tread to touch Abe Lincoln's head on an upside down penny, you were good for another 100,000 miles or so. Now I see the folly of my logic, y'all. The way 20/20 broke it down is that any tire that's 6 years old or older has a higher potential for 'tread separation' - no matter how good the tread looks on the tire...

Even after hearing that I was like 'So? All you need to do is pull over and change that joint like any other flat tire'. This is the type of attitude you get when you know everything like me, y'all. And it's a wonder that ol Ty isn't dead yet. In the piece they did a controlled experiment with a 'professional driver on a closed course' who knew his tire was about to go and when it did go, ol boy was still unable to control his ride and ended up crashing. The thing with tread separation vs. a regular blowout is that once the tread is off the tire, it's like riding on an ice cube - there's no grip.

Turns out that tire dealers sometime sell old a$$ tires as new and because the tread looks good and they've never been used, they look like brand new tires despite the fact that they've been manufactured back when Lionel Richie was big. The good news is that there's actually a manufacture date on each tire, but it's in code and sometimes on the *inner' wall of the tire where you'd need to get up under the car to read it.

Anyway, the story is short enough to take in over some coffee and that plate of cold chicken that mama left out for breakfast. If it's just you ridin' around in your hoopty and you're normally in there with a open 40 and a blunt with the windows rolled up - no need to watch - something else is gonna take you out. But if you're ridin' around with your boo, your kids, nieces or nephews and/or your mama, do the right thing, y'all - watch and learn.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

The New Yorker Can Kiss Ty's A$$

2008-07-15T07:36:00.007-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

And 'Lizabeth Hasselbeck too - more on that in a minute. The only positive aspect of that whack a$$, 'satirical' New Yorker Magazine cover is that responsible folks from both sides have recognized it for what it is - a tasteless attempt at satire. Southsiders have also recognized it for what it is - one of many lowball cheap shots that will continue to come fast and furiously as the fall campaign heats up.

Ol Ty finds it interesting that on a day where Smooth Barack stood before the NAACP and essentially brushed aside Jesse Jackson's misgivings about him 'talkin' down' to southsiders (under the extreme threat of de-nutting no less...), on a day where he pledged to continue holding us (and when I say 'us' y'all know who y'all are...) to task for being responsible, we get an extreme example of irresponsible, visual Yellow Journalism...

Believe me, y'all - as a cat who knows a little bit about satire, I get the point of the cover, but to publish that cover in this type of political environment, one already charged by racial divisions and characterized by a large segment of ill-informed voters is at best foolish and at worst reckless. Y'all know the ill-informed voters to which ol Ty is referring. Those half wits recently polled by Newsweek magazine that broke this way - '26% said Obama was raised a Muslim, 39% said he attended an Islamic school and 12% said he was sworn in to the Senate on a Quran'. Yes, those half wits who still fail to realize that none of that is true. Those would be same half wits that will somehow figure out how to put that image on bedsheets, T-shirts, tattoos and bumper-stickers. When y'all see it in the streets just be responsible and think 'Half Wit'.

But peoples, let's not get it twisted. This is not a racist cartoon. It would have been racist if they had pictured 'Chelle and Smooth sittin' in the Oval Office in black face, with oversized lips, eatin' watermelon and fried chicken and sayin' 'Dat's some goooood a$$ chicken'. That's racist, y'all. This foolishness is actually an accurate snapshot of what's inside the minds of those who cling to guns and religion - the crew that turned out to be Sister Hillary's most dependable voting bloc and the crew that the Republicans plan to pander to through the fall election by continuing to explicitly and overtly spoon feed them just this type of misinformation about Smooth and 'Chelle. It's just that simple.

The real problem with the cover is that the satire of it can only be realized by actually reading the article that it relates to, which won't be done by the vast majority of people who see that cover. Ol Ty submits that most of that aforementioned voting bloc can't even read let alone afford a luxury like a copy of The New Yorker (that statement would be an example of satire, y'all) so the point is missed. All they'll take away is that cover image, which, in their minds, confirms what they believed about Smooth and 'Chelle all along. That's not helpful.

Finally, y'all know the girls from The View had to weigh in on this (I'm only watchin' it for Whoopi and Joy y'all) and they were all feelin' just like Ty...mostly. Of course you have that Republican Kool-aid drinkin' hater 'Lizbeth Hasselbeck chirpin' in about how she agrees that the cover is in poor taste and that it missed the point. The point, according to 'Lizbeth is how Smooth is a pandering, flip-flopper (unlike Citizen McCain...) who plans to pander his way straight to the Oval Office. How 'Chelle managed to do an episode of the show with that chick and not shoot her a$$ with her AK-47 just shows you how classy she is.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Chocolate News: Ty's Missed Opportunity

2008-07-14T07:55:00.004-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

With the steady popularity of fake news shows - you know those satirically comical joints like John Stewart's The Daily Show and its spin-off, The Colbert Report featuring Steven Colbert - you knew that sooner or later someone would steal ol Ty's concept of doing a similar type of fake news show but from the southside perspective. You know something like The Malone Factor, South 101st or 40/40. Well, Comedy Central and David Allen Grier have beat ol Ty to it, y'all and plan to debut 'Chocolate News' this October - a show billed as 'a black, tongue-in-cheek version of “Dateline”'.

I smell a rat in the basement. Someone has been talkin' out of school and I'll be 'interviewing' mama and my boyz in the basement later today to get to the bottom of it (Note to self: hit Home Depot for rubber hose and jumper cables and hit Rollow's barbershop for a bootleg copy of Eddie Murphy's new movie 'Meet Dave')...

So now that the news is out and ol Ty didn't even get a call to co-host let me start my early hatin'. David Allen Grier (or DAG-man to you and me - as in Dag, man! How'd you land this gig)? Okay, he was pretty funny on In Living Color back in the day but what's he done lately? And what about that whack a$$ name - Chocolate News? Sounds a touch exploitative, if you ask me. No wonder Dave Chappelle wanted to get to gone from that network! You could have gone with a smooth 'Southside Central' to play off that whole Comedy Central thing with an urban twist, but noooooo. Chocolate News. That was probably DAG-man's concept. That's weak, homey! Weak!

Okay, okay - I'll withold further snappin' until I see at least one episode. But I know I'm gonna hate it just on GP. Maybe. In the meantime, I think I hear mama walkin' around upstairs. Let me holler back at y'all a little later...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

AMA to Black Docs: 'Our Bad'

2008-07-11T07:04:00.008-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

The recent American Medical Association apology to America's southside doctors for their previous discriminatory practices and shabby treatment is welcome and refreshing, yet ol Ty remains a bit cynical about their overall motives. What I'm reading is that the AMA's once bright beacon of medical power, influence and prestige has been dimming in recent years and while I'm sure a large portion of their membership is on board with the apology(ies) for all the right reasons, I have to believe that an equally large portion of the membership, particularly those enjoying the trappings of AMA leadership, have calculated this move very carefully to help stem the association's steady decline.

Ol Ty has very close ties to several southside doctors who help push up the percentage of southside doctors to a ridiculously paltry 3% of all American doctors. That number is pretty stunning given the fact that southsiders make up about 13% of the American population. But here's the ominous part, y'all. Here we have one of the largest medical associations coming clean about their previous racial insensitivies perpetrated for over a century against southside doctors. What kind of medical care were member doctors giving to southside patients?...

Damn. Didn't think about that did you? Well that's why you have me around. To get you to the story *behind* the story. It's interesting that the AMA found time to join the Commission to End Health Care Disparities along with the National Medical Association - the southside doctors version of the AMA - and other minority doctor groups. The purpose of the commission is to recognize the fact that the southside nation (as well as other minority nations) suffer diseases disproportionately higher than their northside counterparts - a condition that I believe the discriminatory practices of the AMA's member doctors helped to create in the first place.

Yes, family history, lifestyle and genes play a big role in that as well, but certainly not a bigger role than aggressive preventive care and proactive health education that normally comes from your primary care doctor. Is it any wonder that southside patients tend to better when under the care of a southside doctor? Sad but true.

What's sadder is the unspoken fact that some southsiders still feel that southside doctors are inferior to their northside counterparts. That gets back to southside doctors' underrepresented numbers in the physician population (if you don't see many, you wonder if they're as good) as well as the fact that early on, southsiders were systematically denied entrance into the best medical schools. In fact, this southside phobia is even more pronounced with eastside doctors (particularly those from India), which is also a patently ridiculous notion. We know intellectually that there are good and bad doctors from every side, yet some southside brains remain convinced that you can only get the best care from a northside doctor despite evidence to the contrary.

So I'm putting a note in the Suggestion Box at the AMA's Chicago headquarters. It's going to say in short, 'Dear AMA - thanks for doin' the right thing with your recent apology. It's a good first step but in addition to that, put your money where you mouth is and put together a Public Service Announcement or ad campaign with the tagline 'Show Some Love For The Southside Doctors -It's our fault you don't trust them. We're sorry for that too.' It's a little wordy, but it gets the point across very nicely.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

On Jesse Jackson's 'Crude' Remark...

2008-07-09T19:00:00.008-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

The true extent of Jesse Jackson's animosity toward Smooth Barack became clear yesterday (though ol Ty broke that nonsense down for you back in March if you're keepin' score. Catch the too funny cartoon video of Smooth and J-Jack here...) when the ever present 'hot mic' picked up his whispered comments following an interview on Fox News. You can catch full coverage here if you haven't already been inundated by the virtual global microphones called the Internet and the TV news cycle respectively.

Now less than 24 hours after J-Jack uttered his heartfelt, off-the-cuff remarks, he finds himself in the center of a self-created storm of controversy, desperately seeking to put the genie back in the bottle by going to every public forum he can find to explain himself. I'm thinkin that he might want to put a call in to Tavis Smiley who can help him get early induction into 'The Smooth Barack Haters Club'. That's the growing association that provides refuge and counseling to southside nation power brokers who perceive their worth diminishing now that another, upstart southsider seeks to become the biggest power broker on the planet....

So let's look at J-Jack's beef with Smooth. According to his whispered comments he thinks Smooth 'talks down' to southsiders when he takes them to task on such things as parental responsibility and self improvement. J-Jack is so incensed by this that he voiced his desire to cut Smooth's nuts off (that's the non-technical term for testicles, y'all. Otherwise known by the various sides as 'stones', 'jewels', 'balls' or 'cajones'). In my opinion, it's been the southside leaders who continue to look back and advocate for institutionalizing our continued over dependence on the government that need to be emasculated. Ol Ty's not sayin' that safety-net, equality and training programs aren't needed, y'all - don't get it twisted. I'm sayin' those programs need to be continually evaluated and modified to ensure they're having the desired effect. Can't say I'm seeing the biggest effect in the urban centers among southsiders, y'all. So I'm all for a different approach rather than the same-o, same-o.

A little tough love at this point can't hurt. There are some things we need to hear that we won't like hearing. Smooth has been saying them. Cosby has been saying them. J-Jack? He still thinks the government can solve a core problem in the southside nation that is a direct result of the crumbling of the Nuclear Family concept. I touched on this a Monday. For an example of tough love, J-Jack has to look no further than his own namesake J-Jack, Jr. the new jack congressman from IL. J-Jack, Jr. laid his father out for his comments. Both rejected and denouncing his own father's words by sayin' in part, 'I thoroughly reject and repudiate his ugly rhetoric. He should keep hope alive and any personal attacks and insults to himself.' He was so hot he even referred to his own pop as 'Reverend Jackson'. Daaaaaang!

Of course, J-Jack, Jr. is doing his own positioning these days as national co-chair of Smooth's presidential campaign. He's a rising southside political star himself who may well be in position at some point to also make a credible run for president some day. The unfortunate thing is that the very name that propelled him to congress with its popularity in Chicago would likely be significant baggage nationally with small minded voters who tend to cling to guns and religion - y'all know the ones to which I am referring.

I'm sure we'll see more of J-Jack in the next few days than we really care to, putting his comment into a 'broader context' like he did with his 'Hymietown' comment back in '84 - another off-the-cuff, private comment that became public. That's cool because I can't see this static between he and Smooth as anything but positive for Smooth in the long run since those rural democrats that flocked to Sister Hillary have no love for J-Jack. When it comes to looking back with the old school guard or moving forward with the new jacks into a new day where we determine our path, I'm with Smooth - it's time to knuckle up and turn the page.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty Drops in on Mike Vick

2008-07-09T07:16:00.008-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

It's been about 111 days since the Mike Vick countdown clock went up to give Mike Vick something to look at while he's doin' his federal timeout so I thought it'd be a good time to check in with homey to see how his rollout away from the Tossed Salad Man is working out.

Currently, pilin' on is still in style as Mike Vick's seven largest creditors continue to hang outside the gates hollerin for the approximately $12.8 million he owes them. Takin' a page out of the southside 'Living Beyond Your Means' playbook, MV gave them the finger by filin' for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Dang. I know that brother owed ol Ty at least $7.50 for maintenance of the countdown clock. Guess I'm just a$$ out on that despite the fact that a judge ruled back in April that he could keep $16.5 million in bonus money he got from the Falcons. How the hell do you run through $16.5 million without breakin' off ol Ty's $7.50?...

Despite gettin' stiffed out of the bonus money, Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank has been doin' the right thing and correspondin' with Mike Vick from time to time. No word on whether Blank's letters show up laced with anthrax but all that would do is kill the guards who screen the mail before passin' it along to the yardbirds anyway. A-Blank says that Mike Vick is stayin' in shape by playin' football with the cons. Not organized football like in 'The Longest Yard' but pick up flag football like at the family reunion with Pookey an 'nem. You know those cats have to be runnin' back to the payphone back on the block hollerin' back at their boyz like, "Man, Mike Vick ain't all that. I be chasin' his little scramblin' a$$ down all the time. I shoulda gone pro." You know how we do.

Still, despite all the fun and hijinx goin' on at Leavenworth minimum security prison camp, with its touch football, S'mores and what not, Mike Vick still hasn't been granted entrance into the prison drug program that got him into the camp good life in the first place. Everybody and their mama have been speculatin' that the only reason Mike Vick decided to get with that program was to accelerate his release date (which would require me to adjust the countdown clock and bill cousin more money - which I also won't be gettin'). Yeah, you have to do 500 hours, pee in a cup a couple few times and say, "Hi, my name is Mike and I'm a drug addict' about 50 times while lookin' sincere, but on the flip side he could be out in a halfway house as early as January '09 lookin' for love from the NFL.

Clearly though, the Virginia state prosecutor has alternate plans for Mike Vick. Ol boy says he plans to wait until homey is released from Leavenworth to pursue their state case on dogfighting charges. That's cold, jack.

So Mike Vick has a Groundhog Day ahead of him, one which I'm sure is being cheered on by Virginia Tossed Salad Men from Lynchburg to Virginia Beach. That's appropriate since we all know that 'Virginia is for Lovers'. And once that Virginia ruckus is over? Well, don't forget that Hector still wants a quick word with Mike Vick too.

Bottom line? Mike Vick's still got a lot of scramblin' to do, y'all.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Shaq, Kobe, Nick and Mimi

2008-07-08T07:30:00.002-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, I 'bout fell the hell out when I caught the word over on EURweb.com that Funmo.com - a mobile entertainment company - is offering ringtones (gratis) featuring Shaq's recently mentioned hook, 'Kobe, tell me how my a$$ tastes'. Dang!! If that ain't insult to injury, I don't know what is. Now not only will Kobe be drivin' by little wannabe, crumbsnatcher, street corner rappers droppin' that hook, but now when he's tryin' to get his swerve on in the club, every cell phone around him will be blowin' up Shaq's rap about him tossin' Shaq's salad. Ol boy's *got* to put out a comeback rap now.

I need to get crackin' on my T-shirts before the NBA season rolls back around. Y'all know the ones - they're white, sizes go from small to XXXL (cuz Mo'Nique's gonna want one) and they feature a black silhouette of steam coming off an upside down donkey on a dinner plate, a stick figure wearing a #8 Laker's jersey and napkin around his neck holding up a knife and fork with 'Kobe, Tell me' curved over the top and 'how my a$$ tastes' curved under the bottom. Those are gonna be hot sellers, y'all. Holler back with your advanced orders before I go into full production.

And straight out the 'Never saw it comin', y'all' files - word hit the basement that the two month old marriage between Nick Cannon and Mariah 'Mimi' Carey is on the rocks. Not because those two could make a bag of rocks look smart but because of Mimi's 'Diva behavior'. Wow. Mimi never struck me as that type, y'all.

All I know is that these two better not break up until a sex tape 'accidentally' leaks. Y'all know those celebrity sex tapes are the new celebrity children's books. Celebrities aren't too original when it comes to figuring out how to stay in the public eye. Anyway, it sounds like Mimi is layin' the whip to NC Tina Turner style - nice and rough. Word to the wise on this one, homeys - all that glitters is NOT gold. When we will ever learn?

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

'Chelle Obama: The Angry Black Woman Makeover

2008-07-07T07:11:00.001-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

Lost in the recent focus on the dress 'Chelle wore on her appearance on 'The View' was the fact that her appearance was actually part of a strategy to 'soften' homegirl's image. Since her vilification over her 'proud' comment (which the current First Lady classily brushed aside) political operatives on the right continue to tap into the stereotype of 'The Angry Black Woman' to try to scare voters away from Smooth Barack in November.

First, ol Ty thinks it's a damn shame that the Smooth camp thinks that it even needs to humor that foolishness, but in a time where 10% of the electorate *still* believes that Smooth is a Muslim, every pieces of nonsense that gets floated up by knuckleheads has to be explained or addressed. It wasn't too long ago that Smooth finally gave in and started consistently wearing a damn flag pin on his lapel to quash that persistent Internet nonsense that his not wearing one proved that he was unpatriotic. So now here we are with 'Chelle - out there tryin' to shed the perception that she's an 'angry black woman', unfit for the genteel mantel of First Lady-ship. Talk about some ol bull$hit...

So ol Ty got to askin' himself, 'Self? Where'd this ol 'angry black woman' bull$hit get started anway? Well for one there's the 'urban cycle'. That's where young southside shortys with no parenting skills are raising babies. They have no parenting skills because they themselves were raised by young southside shortys with no parenting skills. The concept of a nuclear family in that environment is foreign - no daddies around. And because there are no daddies around, the whole burden falls on those young southside shortys some of whom eventually become angry and hostile and all that negative energy is directed to either the new men in their lives or their kids. Y'all seen it at the mall. Sisters with no patience, hollerin' and blusterin' they way through a store, beratin' and draggin' their kids along, darin' any fool to step in and have a word with them. Standin' next to an unpinned handgrenade would be safer than that.

Then there's the pervasive touch of Hollywood. Can't have a TV show that features a black woman who's not caustically sarcastic or sassy (ok - there are a few but you get my point). And the movies? We get Angela Basset's Bernadine in 'Waiting to Exhale' dumpin' her (cheating) man's expensive suits in his high end car and settin' it on fire. We get Vanessa Williams' Teri in 'Soul Food' pullin' a knife on her (cheating) husband in the kitchen at a family gathering. We get Regina King's Lisa spraying the floor with baby oil outside her (cheating) husband's shower and then beating him with a belt when he exits the shower and slips on the baby oil. We get Halle Berry's Leticia in Monster's Ball beratin' her overweight son about his eating habits. I could go on forever but y'all don't have the time. You get my drift.

Of course all this overlooks the majority of southside shortys who are handlin' their business the way it should be handled. In many cases, southside shortys are handling the whole load and, consequently, they handle their business just like homeboys do. They don't suffer fools gladly and they're firm and assertive in their dealings - two qualities that tend not to sit well with homeboys who don't appreciate their authority challenged by 'a woman' nor with old school women who think that their place is in the home and decisions need to be made by 'a man'. Hence The Angry Black Woman stereotype.

There's no denying that 'Chelle is a high powered sister - but so is Condoleeza Rice and you don't hear folks droppin' that stereotype on her. If you ask me - I'm thinkin' the whole First Lady concept needs some shakin' up to bring it into the 21st century. Shortys ain't all about tea and crumpets and fine china and folded napkins anymore. Women have stepped up, jack and it'll be refreshing to see a First Lady that can drop it like it's hot and rock that role the way it should be rocked.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Ty's off doin' the needful

2008-07-02T09:10:00.003-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

My schedule is still out of whack - I'm helpin' one of my boyz through a fam crisis so posts will be a bit sporadic for a few. Keep an eye on the Real Time Ty feed in the right sidebar to get a finger on the pulse in the basement. The other approach for that is to subscribe to the feed directly via Twitter to stay in the know.

I'll holler back soon, y'all! Dont' kick a brother to the curb!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Erykah Badu cleans up pretty well

2008-06-30T07:39:00.003-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

Long time fans of The Urban Eye will know that Ms. Erykah Badu holds a fond place in ol Ty's heart. Rumor has it that she was the primary inspiration for my new identity when I decide to give up my slave name. That's partly spelled out in my old a$$ podcast (a format which I need to return too when I'm able to manufacture a couple more hours in the day).

Anyway, word has reached the basement that E-Bad has somehow managed to trick a perfume maker into using her as the face of their newest fragrance called White Patchouli. I have to admit I never saw this one coming, y'all. A fragrance called, 'Nappy Girl'? Ol girl is all over it. 'Space Cadet Pour Femme'? Yep. But White Patchouli??? What the hell is a White Patchouli anyway? Sounds like an ingredient that Remy the Rat would use in his Ratatouille, but what do I know? I'm still dabbin' on Old Spice before get my shake on at the clizzub these days.

Still, had I been in the 'concept' room when folks were tryin' to match a fragrance to a personality such as Ms. Badu's, y'all know I would have gone with my original thought that I broke down back in January. The CEO would be in the room, hands would be all sweaty as the clock ticked down and all eyz would turn to Ty to see what genius he would throw out there. To which, I would pull the cover off the glossy on the left and announce like Eddie Murphy and Robin Givens in 'Boomerang' - , 'Ladies and Gentleman I give you the newest fragrance in our line - 'Fearless Fly'! True genius can't be taught, y'all.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Shaq & Kobe: Love NBA Style

2008-06-27T10:03:00.008-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

Daaaaang! First - sorry for being MIA the last couple days, y'all. The man's had ol Ty on blast - a necessary evil since I still have to pay mama rent the first of every month.

In the meantime though, I've been following the latest Shaq/Kobe dust up with interest. The blogosphere is still buzzin' over Shaq's now infamous 'freestyle' diss rap of Kobe which inferred that Kobe can't win another ring without Shaq and that during their happier days in LA, Kobe used to toss Shaq's salad. Can there possible be a more distasteful mental image that that? The Shaq / Kobe deal has gotten messier than the Charley Sheen / Denise Richards break up (okay, maybe not that bad). The good news is that Shaq's new rap does have a catchy hook to it...

Now that the video is in wide rotation around the southside, I'm sure even the little troopers will be walkin' 'round the streets talkin' 'bout, 'Kobe - tell me how my a$$ taste!'. I'm not sayin', y'all. I'm just sayin'. If I didn't put that out there someone else would cuz everybody knows the hook of a rap is what sticks with you and Shaq dropped that one in about six or seven times so that's what I walked away with.

Clearly Shaq's still bitter about Kobe bustin' him out when he got caught up in Colorado. The fact of the matter is that ol Ty broke the news about the 'Shaq Effect' on Kobe's career back in '05 and the 'Kobe Effect' on Shaq's marriage, which is why y'all keep comin' back. Hard hittin' investigative journalism. It's too funny now that the rap community is takin' sides based on the fact that neither Shaq nor Kobe can wrap fish let alone rap rhymes. They're what the pioneer rappers used to call 'Crab Rappers' - wannabes with unoriginal skillz. How's Shaq even gonna try and put it out there that was a 'freestyle' rap? That brother ain't no Wayne Brady. Now Alphonso? That's a brother that can freestyle any concept at any time.

Of course, there is no effect with a cause and the most recent effect for Shaq's shenanigans is the revocation of both his Arizona and Virginia special deputy sheriff badges. That's a straight shame since Shaq did some good work with both of those units and has a fond affinity for law enforcement, but in the days of hyper political correctness that was pretty much to be expected. I'm expectin' Shaq to come back in a day or two with a new rap that uses that 'We don't need no stinkin' badges' phrase as his new hook.

No word of response yet from Kobe. Word is that established rappers may help him put together a response rap which is the obligatory counterpunch when the gauntlet gets thrown down in a rap beef. What we have here though is kinda like some quasi NBA, rap, school-yard, corner block beef. I'm thinkin' these two just need to hit the playground, throw some dirt in each others eyes and do that little screaming arms flailing thing that pretty shortys do when they want to fight but not get their hair or clothes messed up. I don't think the world would survive another Kobe Bryant rap effort.

Still, despite all that, y'all - we're left with an epic hook that will be uttered until the curtain closes on Kobe's NBA career. Everybody! Kobe, tell me how my a$$ taste. Kobe, tell me how...

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

'Chelle Obama Makin' 'Rack Fashion' Look Good

2008-06-24T08:14:00.005-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

Man, I cracked up today when I started readin' about how the dress that 'Chelle wore on The View last week (time tip - you can either hit that last link to watch the whole show if you haven't seen it yet or catch the commentary on it from this very good live blog of the show) is 'flyin' of the racks. You shortys are a trip with that but I have to admit that 'Chelle seems to be uppin' the game when it comes to puttin' the hurtin' on fly fashions. My boy D-Splash over on The Dark Stuff was the first I saw to type up the sentiment that if Smooth seals the deal, that there's going to be a new era in First Ladyship, literally and figuratively.

Apparently, in contrast to many shortys under the glare of spotlights, 'Chelle choose to wear a nice black and white summer dress designed by New York designer Donna Ricco. The joint sells for $99 on her website and 'Chelle picked her joint up for $149 at the White House Black Market store for $50 more. First, I guess there's a reason why the phrase 'Black Market' is in that store title. What's up with the extra fiddy markup? Second, I guess 'Chelle is tryin' to send a message by shoppin at a joint with 'White House' in the title. And third, man talk about a happy circumstance for Don-Ric. Since the show the dress has been sellin' out of the White House Black Market stores and she's tryin' to fill an order for 3,000 more...

It also seems that the fashion fun hasn't been just contained to the shorty side of the Obama household. Donatella Versace has dropped her Spring-Summer '09 collection in Milan which she says is inspired by (more likely dedicated to since I'm not seeing anything in the line that Smooth could wear on the southside) Smooth. Donatella says her new line (which I'm callin' Spring/Summer Smoothwear) is designed for "a relaxed man who doesn't need to flex muscles to show he has power." You know it won't be more than a Chicago minute before the homeys are hawkin' Smoothwear knockoffs on southside. Of course there's one Smooth look we can do a little less of - that Urkel inspired summer biking outfit. Errbody knows you don't go bikin' with a polo tucked in. It's just not done on the southside. You also never leave the crib without some spinnin' rims on your two-wheeler. Dang, Smooth! But since Smooth's my boy, ol Ty can forgive his occasional fashion faux pas.

In the meantime, I'm tryin' to get mama's old sewin' machine workin' since I have a couple dress design thoughts that I plan to run by 'Chelle when she gets back to Chicago. One's a little leather number with a tasteful side slit and the other is a low cut lemon chiffon cotton frock that just says fun and sassy. I'll let y'all know how it goes after my people reach out to her people.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

Naomi Campbell: God Don't Like Ugly

2008-06-23T07:14:00.006-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

You have to wonder what it is with this chick. In the wake of news of her recent 200 hour community service charge and accompanying $4,600 fine for assaulting two police officers ol Ty is wonderin' how this serial abuser continues to avoid actual jail time for her bad girl behavior? I don't think a month has gone by without some story about this Diva Di-vah goin' ballistic on someone...hotel staff, domestic staff, handlers, makeup staff, her mama, pre-school kidz - y'all get the picture.

Her most recent dustup involved lost luggage and an obligatory racism claim designed to deflect attention away from abusive behavior dished out by a pampered woman with anger management issues and no self control. According to court testimony, when informed of her missing bag (by the airline captain himself) Nightstick Naomi,"... became enraged and issued orders to someone on her mobile: "They have lost my fucking bags, get me another flight, get the press, get me my lawyer." She then turned to the captain and barked: "Bring me my fucking bags now!"

According to Nightstick, "I was called a racial name on that [British Airways] flight". Since when does 'spoiled bit#h' constitute a racial slur? Yes, it's a little tacky, but if the shoe fits... And strangely, the victims assaulted didn't even work for British Airways. They were airport PoPos just tryin' to escort her scene makin' a$$ off the flight.

I can understand a legal system handing out these types of community service gigs to serial drug abusers since that's a 'victim-less crime', but Nightstick's shenanigans always involved her clockin' someone else either with her hands or the nearest throwable object. Yes, she's once, twice, three times a felon, y'all. Ol girl needs to do a little prancin' down the catwalk in HMP Belmarsh down in south-east London. I know that's a men's facility, y'all but clearly Nightstick knows how to handle herself.

It's time for some tough love for ol girl cuz it's all funny until she puts someone eye out. Her bud has passed the nippin' stage.

Peace@Least,

Tyrone

MA Baby Mama Drama

2008-06-20T09:40:00.004-05:00

Wassup, Y'all!

Under the gun today to get a few things off my 'to do' plate so no official post today. Mama's been on me to get the gutters cleaned out and do a little yard work to justify my continued spot in the basement. She calls it 'responsibility'. Ol Ty calls it 'extortion', but whatever.

If I were postin' today, tho you know I'd have to jump all over that madness going on in MA where those 17 teenage girls made a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together. All under 16. Damn. Hard to tell what the heck that's about but I find it odd that Britney Spears' little sis *just* had her baby. Pregnant at 16, mama at 17. Coincidence or a thing that makes you go 'Hmmmm....'

Have a good weekend, y'all!

Peace@Least,

Tyrone