The Carpenter's Hand

Never Alone

2008-07-14T21:29:00.004+09:00

In Part One of this blog, I discussed the idea of whether or not God SENDS trials on his children to test our faith. In this blog I want to talk about where God is in the midst of our dark times.

Lets come back to the idea of Jesus on the cross. Jesus, overwhelmed with all that he is bearing, feeling isolated, cut off and alone. Hebrews 4:14-16 tells us, “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin.” Jesus knows what it is like to be overwhelmed in the darkness and feel like God is a million miles away. He can empathise and understand me, when I am in this place. He has been there and he came out the other side. Even though Jesus felt alone, God was still there. The beauty of this scripture is in the next part: “let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Who is this God that we worship in our dark times? The one who sits on a throne of grace. The one who has walked in our dark places and is the light that shines in the darkness.

Isaiah 54 is a favourite scripture for me … let these words from vs 11-12 soak into your spirit:
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord who has compassion on you. “O afflicted city lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with sapphires. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and your walls of precious stones.”

Where is God in this? He is with us, in us, and working in the darkness to bring forth something beautiful.

Most of us know the scripture from Isaiah 40 – “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” Have you ever considered the context of this scripture? Right before this, God is talking to the Israelites. Basically they are complaining that God is disregarding their issues, that he does not see them and is not involved with where they are at. Wah wah! Ever been there? God’s response to them is, “do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth …” (whoa! What did we look at in 1 Cor 10:13? God is the creator God who can make something out of something! He knows and he has a plan. His ways might not be our ways, but he has a plan and he is involved.) He goes on to say, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak…” Wow. Hope for the hopeless. Hope for those of us struggling in the dark, wondering where God is. This is the pattern all through scriptures … to just take a few:-

Is 41:17 “The poor and needy search for water – I will answer them – I won’t forsake them.”

Is 42:6 “I will take hold of your hand”

Is 42:16 “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth … I will not forsake them.”

Is 43:2 “When you pass through the waters I will be with you, when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you …”

Is 44:6 “he restores our ruins …”

Is 45:3 “ I will give you the treasures of darkness – riches stored in secret places …”

Is 45:5 “I will strengthen you …”

Is 46:4 “I made you, will sustain you and rescue you …”

I could go on and on but by now I am sure you get the point. Where is God is our darkness. Right there with us.

Who is this God that we worship in our dark times?

Jehovah – Our Redeemer

Jehovah Jireh. This actually means "the one who sees". God sees it all – as Alpha and Omega, he sees the beginning and the end. Nothing we go through is a surprise to him. Therefore, he has a plan. He will provide a way out.

Just like David realised in Ps 139, “if I make my bed in the depths you are there, if I rise on the wings of the dawn and settle on the far side of the sea, even there, your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” (vs 8-12)

Are we all alone in the darkness?

No … we are never alone.

Forsaken?

2008-07-14T21:05:00.006+09:00

Group Singalong: All by myself, don’t wanna be … all by myself …”

“My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”

Dark times come to all of us … those seasons where we can’t see God, we can’t sense him and we cry, as Christ did on the cross, “My God, My God … why have you forsaken me?” I have heard many a sermon that says Jesus cried out because God turned his back on him. If you look back at the three gospel accounts that mention this scene, we do not find scripture that supports this. Could it be that Jesus in a moment of humanity, with the weight of the sin of the world on his shoulders, in the agony of the cross, immersed in darkness, could no longer see God? Could it be that in our dark times, when we lose the awareness of God, and it feels like he is a long way away, that he is actually right there with us and has not forsaken us at all?

All too often, those going through hard times hear well meaning words from other Christians … words designed to comfort, that instead inflict further pain … words such as, “well, God is testing your faith and won’t let you go through any more than you can handle.” When we hear statements such as these, sermons about God turning his back on his Son, or go through dark times, it can cause us to wonder, “Just who is this God that we worship?” Lets look a bit closer at this.

God Will Never Allow Us To Go Through More Than We Can Handle
Firstly, lets look at the scripture that this idea comes from. 1 Cor 10-:13b says, “God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

God won’t let us be WHAT? Tempted. This scripture is not about our trials and hardships. It’s about temptation! The context of 1 Cor 13 is Paul discussing the various temptations that the Israelites had succumbed to. Nevertheless, lets break down this scripture. In our dark times, we can be tempted and there are some principles here that we can take to heart.

Faithful comes from the Greek word “Pistos”. This means “worthy of trust”. We can take that idea into our hard times. God is worthy of our trust. I will deal with this idea more fully further on.

Tempted comes from the Greek word “Peirasmos”. This means, “a trial of man’s fidelity, integrity, virtue, constancy – an enticement of internal temptation to sin.” It can also mean, “adversity, affliction and trouble that tests one character” but this is clearly not the context of 1 Cor 13.

Provide A Way comes from the Greek word “Poieo”. This means, “make ready, make a thing out of something.” I LOVE this idea! God takes something that exists and then makes something new! He is the creator God – endlessly creative. Not only does he create great things out of nothing, he takes something already in existence and can make something new out of it! We don’t have to be able to handle the situation. It is God’s job to handle it. It is our job to look to and lean on him. How full of hope and promise is that when are walking through tough situations?!

God Sends Trials To Test Us.
This idea implies that God is the author of our misfortune. This is not the God I know! My God is not a God who sends horrific tragedies on his children and watches impassively to see if we pass the test.

In The Shack, God tells Willy the following:
"Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colours."

We live in a fallen world … a world where there is sickness … a world where there is evil and a world where bad things happen to good people. Does this mean God sent these things? No! Do these trials and tragedies test our faith? I would have to say, “yes!” These are the very fires through which our faith is tested and proven … but not tested like a classroom test. Instead our faith is tested in the manner of precious metal. The fire burns away the dross and gets down to the core.

James 1:2-4 says that we are to consider it pure joy whenever we face trials of many different kinds, because we know that the testing of our faith develops perseverance. It goes on to say that perseverance must finish its work in us so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything.

Be very careful about how you handle this scripture with those going through hard times. Do you get to tell the newly wed who just lost his wife to consider it joy? Do you tell the woman who just saw dearly loved friends shot and killed by evil men while she sheltered her husband and child, that God is testing her? No. Can God bring good out of this? Yes. He is the creator God. He can work good in all things and take that which was meant to destroy us bring good out of it.

If we break down this scripture, we get a little more insight:

Testing comes from the Greek “dokimion”, which means proving. Our trials do test and prove our faith, but as mentioned earlier, this does not mean God sends them.

Perseverance (sometimes translated patience) comes from the Greek word ”Hupomone” which means, “steadfastness, constancy and endurance.” It also means, “someone not swerved from deliberate purpose and loyalty to faith and piety by even the greatest trials and sufferings”. Wow. There is the idea here of choice. In our hard times, we have a choice to see God seated on the throne. We have a choice to lift our eyes up to our God. We have a choice to focus on him instead of circumstances.

Check back tomorrow for Part Two of This Blog: Never Alone

Summer Reading

2008-07-11T00:41:00.004+09:00

Sorry about the absence of posts lately ... it's summer. I have been travelling (Greece, Korea, USA) and not posting! I am thinking and there is a blog post brewing ...

One of my favourite things to do in summer, is read! I love to read ... and fortunately (sometimes unfortunately) for me I am a fast reader. So often I will read a book a day - either one in the morning or one in the evening ... Since being in the States (a week now - not counting my conference) I have been reading! Some of my reading has been fluff but I have read some excellent books as well and I thought I would share with you the ones I think are MUST reads for everyone! I have included links for each of the books to Amazon in case you are feeling the urge!

1. The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine M.D
This book is a quick read and is a must if you are female or want to understand females. One of the best things from the 1990s is the advanced technology in brain scanning and the insight it now gives us in gender differences that are wired into our makeup. I found this book full of eye opening "wow" moments and will be buying it for a few people. Brizendine writes in an easy manner with lots of stories and humour, so it is an easy read and well worth the effort!

2. Mosaic by Amy Grant
This is a treat in writing. Basically, Amy shares a bunch of stories from her life and they have beautiful, thought provoking God moments in them. Some have made me think. Here is a quote from the introduction that really caught me. Amy is talking with a friend who is dying. She asks Amy, "do you know what the most important colour is in an artist's palette?" As Amy is thinking through the possible colours, she continues, "Child, it's black. Black is the most important colour for an artist. You see, without black, there is no depth. Without black, everything appears flat. But mix black with any colour and you can paint an object so real you want to reach out and touch it."

Amy goes on to say, "in our lives, the darkest times, the days that are bleak and black, add depth to every other experience. Like the dark bits of colour in a mosaic, they add the contrast and shadows that give beauty to the whole, but they are just a small part of the big picture."

Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. M.D. Ph.D
There is huge concern in educational circles today about the failure of boys in schools. You cannot ignore the numbers. I must say that I picked this one up with a healthy dose of skepticism but Sax convinced me. He explores 5 factors that he believes are driving the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys and underachieving young men. It is an easy read with lots of stories - and if you have a son or teach boys, you need to read this. The five points he covers in detail are video games, teaching methods, prescription drugs (and the huge amounts of misdiagnosis of ADHD), endocrine disruptors and devaluation of masculinity. Again, like The Female Brain, this book takes much of the last ten years of brain research into account.

4. The Shack by William P. Young
This is an amazing fiction story. Up front, I have to say that I was not too impressed with the writing, but the ideas in the book make it well worth the read. Basically, a man loses his daughter to a serial killer while staying at a shack. One day he finds a note in his letterbox. The note is from God (known as Papa) and it invites him back to the shack for the weekend. This book has beautiful ideas in it and is quite powerful. Here are a couple of quotes I really like (my favourite will be in my next blog as it exemplifies exactly what I am wanting to say!).

"faith does not grow in the house of certainty ..."

Here's another one - Jesus speaking:
"I don't want to be first among a list of values; I want to be at the centre of everything. Rather than a pyramid, I want to be the centre of a mobile, where everything in your life - your friends, family, occupation, thoughts, activities - is connected to me, but moves with the wind, in and out and back and forth, in an incredible dance of being."

This next idea, I just love ... it's God speaking and takes the idea of "I am" - the idea that God is a moving, active force. He is a verb, not a noun! Check this out:
"I am a verb. I am that I am. I will be who I will be. I am a verb! I am alive, dynamic, ever active, and moving ... " " ... as my very essence is verb, I am more attuned to verbs than nouns. Verbs such as confessing, repenting, living, loving, responding, growing, reaping, changing, sowing, running, dancing, singing. Humans have a knack for taking a verb that is alive and full of grace and turning it into a dead noun or principle that reeks of rules: something growing and alive dies. Nouns exist because there is a created universe and physical reality, but if the universe is only a mass of nouns, it is dead. Unless "I Am", there are no verbs, and verbs are what makes the universe alive."

This book is a must read!

5. How Am I Smart Dr. Kathy Koch
Want to know about yourself and how you are wired? Want to know about your kids and how they are wired? This book by Dr Kathy is one of the best books on multiple intelligences I have ever read. One of the things that makes this book a standout from other ones (not counting the easy to read, lots of stories and illustrations etc) is that Dr Kathy goes through the characteristics of the different intelligences, the strengths and weaknesses, and also gives advice on how you can strengthen the various intelligences. Even better for Christian parents, Dr Kathy writes from a Christian world view!

You can get this book through the Celebrate Kids website (click link above) or Amazon.

So ... there it is people ... my current must-reads for summer. At the moment I am reading about the world superclass and how their use of power affects the world but I wouldn't recommend it. I also have read another 3 - 4 fluffy froth, mindless novels but again, I am trying to give you the books that I think are must reads!

Happy reading!

Eagles

2008-06-14T05:22:00.004+09:00

But they that wait upon the Lord
shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
and they shall walk and not faint
Isaiah 40:31

I had coffee with a friend the other day. We are still getting to know each other and I love spending time with her ... she is a lady of grace and wisdom with a lot of depth. I come away from our conversations sparked and encouraged! This past week, we were sharing some life stories, and I shared about my experiences of this past year. She talked about travelling lightly and i was reminded of one of the threads that God spoke to me about in Cambodia. Eagles.

I think I referred to the Isaiah scripture in a previous blog but I can't find it so let me rehash it here.

When we first read this scripture, we have an image of strength. Perhaps you can picture an eagle flapping it's wings, soaring higher and higher. When we break down this scripture, we get a completely different image. Let's look at some of the key words.

Wait
this comes from the hebrew word "Qavah" which means, "to look for, lie in wait for, linger for, look eagerly for."

Renew
Comes from "Chalaph" - meaning "to pass through, change, sprout again."

Mount Up
Comes from "alah" - meaning "ascend, go up, meet, visit, spring up, grow, shoot forth"

The eagle is a bird that understands renewal. My friend talked about travelling lightly. She talked about how sometimes she stops and just clears herself of all the clutter. As she shared this, I thought about the incredible renewal process eagles go through. I researched this and found some very inspiring stories ... most on Christian threads! But, as I researched deeper, I found out that these are encouraging stories but urban myths. Eagles do not completely withdraw and pull all their feathers out, beat off their beaks and talons. However, this does not deny the power of the moult. Juvenile eagles are actually larger than adults. However, they go through a continual moulting process where they lose feathers and become more streamlined. This makes them more efficient in flight. Here is a thought ... in order to fly high, we need to be unencumbered. We need to be continually transformed. Romans 12:2 talks about being transformed by the renewing of our minds. When you look at the scripture, it is an ongoing thing. Like the eagle moult, our renewing is an ongoing process. It is part of growth.

Another amazing thing about eagles are their eyes. They are birds of vision. They see with great clarity and in full colour. Do we? Or are we black and white?! Eagles have two centres of focus. They can see forwards and sideways at the same time. There is a lesson for us there. When travelling through life, observing all that goes on around us, we need to keep our eyes forward and fixed on Christ as well. For blinking, they also have an inner eyelid called a nictitating membrane. Every three or four seconds, the nictitating membrane slides across the eye from front to back, wiping dirt and dust from the cornea. Because the membrane is translucent, the eagle can see even while it is over the eye. These birds constantly clear their vision. Are we allowing things to cloud ours?

The eagle searches for storms, it rides the updrafts and rises above them. Could it do this by beating its wings? No ... it just holds them open, catches the updrafts that accompany storms and rises, higher and higher, soaring above. It knows how to wait for the updrafts ... it lingers for them. It looks for them.

We see eagles as powerful, strong birds. They soar on great heights. Think about this: the strength of the eagle is not in it's ability to flap its wings and fly high. It's strength is that it knows how to hold it's wings out and soar. It's strength is that it is a bird of vision. And ... it travels lightly.

Ground Control to Major Tom ...

2008-06-10T06:56:00.004+09:00

Hi all

Just a quick note ... I am alive ... am out there somewhere ...

It has been an intense few weeks as we wrap up the school year ... I have been struggling with my drugs - so VERY tired ... it's about surviving the day at the moment which has not left a lot of time for much else.

Through all the major farewells (lots of those when working internationally) ... nearly done with reports (I write over 400 and then print everyones ... just the final print to go) ... nearly done with building the image for my computer lab ... travel arrangements nearly all in place ...

Very exciting things that have happened ... the new iphone is out! YAH ... I want one of those puppies ... but I might wait one more generation ... GREAT price! ... Our group (Chicks With Picks) recorded on the weekend ... rush job due to lack of time but we have recorded Ruby's song and another fun one that I wrote ...

Thinking ... not been a lot of time for anything much but surviving lately ... but I do have a blog post brewing ...

What has to happen this week? It's Tuesday ... so ... I need to travel to Itaewon and pick up a bunch of tailored shirts for my friends Dad ... I need to get to the post office and post Maggies birthday box (Bought her a very cool little case that has metallic corners and then is pink with glitter ... filled it with disgusting pink and glittery princess things ... as a 5 year old princess she should love it!!!) ... We have leavers assembly today ... I print report finals tomorrow (whole day job normally) ... have a haircut ... album cover to finish and print ... final mixes to listen to on the album ... a leaving coffee with a friend ... costco run (*thats a 4 hour marathon in Korea) to buy Hippos (moisture sucking things to stuff all through my house so the high humidity does not cause mould while away in the summer) ... wallpaper samples to check and decide on for my penpal coming from England (new teachers coming to Seoul get paired with old ones to help with transition ...) ... haircut ... going to Blue Man Group (the night before I fly ... I tell you, I HATE packing and will do anything to avoid it ... Blue Man Group is a great way to avoid) ... coffee with another friend ... bosses end of year evaluation ... write reflections and goals before the evaluation ... job list to make for my adjumonie (the cleaner over summer) ... clean out my office ... return overdue library books ... photocopy relevant travel sections ... final staff lunch and farewell ... sort out money and change currency ... finalise San Antonio hotel and airport arrangements ... laundry ... packing ...

Somewhere in the midst of this ... I continue to TEACH! We work a full day on Saturday and on Sunday ... I leave for Greece! Yah ... so what are my summer plans?

Fly to Greece with my friend Leslie ... we are going to Athens, Santorini and Rhodes. Fly back to Korea and the next day, fly to San Francisco. One night (and I have my shopping worked out ... as well a taking my camera down to play with the pelicans!) ... and then back to the airport to go to San Antonio where I have a technology conference for a few days. Following the conference, I am heading to Wisconsin for several weeks with my friends Jeff and Nicole (normally I stay with them in Phoenix). I then head back to Korea late July, have a couple of days downtime and then head down to Singapore for 3 days and New Zealand for 12 days. This will bring me back to Korea in mid August.

I am hanging out for my holiday ... and in no order these are the things I am excited about ...
Exploring a new country with a friend ...
Ocean and the beach ...
Seeing family ...
the beach ...
Seeing friends ...
the beach ...
great photography opportunities ...
the beach and water ...
great conversations ...
SHOPPING (Korea is no fun for shopping ... but the USA ... is shoe heaven for size 11 feet!) ...
Eating ...
New Zealand landscape ...
My beach ...

Oh ... and did I mention ... THE BEACH?!

ROLL ON SUMMER!

Health Prayer Update

2008-05-19T22:23:00.002+09:00

Hi All

Just a quick update on those of you that have prayed for Ruby or me!

Ruby
Continues to have her up and down journey. She is a wee trooper and still smiling. The past month or so, she has been really neutropenic which means her immunity has been right down. They are just coming into flu season in NZ so are being really careful with her. Your prayers are definately helping and her family are in good spirits!

Me
I had a meeting with my endo last week and my tumour has reduced in size by 2mm which is wonderful. I asked if this meant we would be reducing my meds (which my endo had mentioned several times) but she said I will probably be on them at this level for another few years. Currently I am doing way better emotionally but am still getting lots of headaches and very very tired. It's hard to explain tired because at the moment we are 4 weeks off the end of the school year and everyone is really tired. So the only way I can describe it is, take that tired, add another level onto that from my meds, and another level on that from anaemia!

Anyway, I am thanking God that my tumour is responding to meds and thanking him that I have the meds I want! Praise him with me.

Thanks

Sarah

I am Woman ... Hear Me Roar!

2008-05-15T06:14:00.003+09:00

Helen Reddy sang this song and became famous for it. Today, I am mulling over, "what does it mean to be a woman?" Over the years, I have seen many people try and define this ... it's been even harder to figure it out within the confines of the church!

Here are some of the things I have seen (and take this a little tongue in cheek ... no offense intended to anyone) ...
A Christian woman ...
- has long hair and wears lots of make up so she looks beautiful ...
- has long hair and wears NO makeup because her beauty should not come from outward adornment
- radiates with a soft glow
- is soft spoken and gentle
- wears dresses
- wears floral dresses
- home schools her children so that they are not influenced by corrupt cultures around them
- has long flowing tresses
- is quiet in church and does not speak ...
- keeps her head covered with scarves
- cooks all the meals for her family
- beats her own wheat to grind her own flour for baking her own bread ...
- never says no to her husband
- knows how to tie scarves 100 different ways to enhance her beauty
- surrenders all financial management to her husband (even if he is terrible at it!)

I could go on and on but by now you get the idea ... every single one of these, I have come accross as being held up by an ideal somewhere along the way in my christian walk! I am not someone who fits any of those moulds! And for a while it was a struggle for me. I asked questions, I challenged status quo and it made people uncomfortable at times!

So, why am I thinking about this? It's another thread that came through while God was speaking to me in Cambodia. Little things kept popping up and when I came home, it came up again. I was walking down the mountain and I sensed God speaking to me about getting more in touch with my feminine side. I actually got the giggles (anyone looking on, would have seen a crazy waygook (Korean word for foreigner) wandering down the mountain laughing hysterically!). My response to him was, "I don't know what that looks like!" I was thinking, "well God, you know!" I then sensed an immediate reply, "Go and look at the Proverbs 31 woman." I had a quicker response to that ... it went something like this: "I am not doing that! She is the woman that makes the rest of us feel completely inadequate. The ideal woman. The woman that half the Bible scholars say is a composite of all the characteristics people want in their ideal woman. Who can live up to that!?" And then I carried on down the mountain laughing even harder!

However, I did check her out again. And this time as I read, I tried to ignore the surface cultural context and take the character principles out of the text. I came up with the following list:
- she works hard
- she brings blessing to those around her
- she shows good judgement
- she is compassionate and generous
- she has strength and dignity
- she is free of anxiety and worry
- she speaks wise words and gives good counsel
- she is watchful and alert and guards that with which God has entrusted her
- she fears God

I also liked the study note on the epilogue of this chapter which says that this woman is almost a personification of wisdom. It says that like wisdom, she is worth more than rubies and that whoever finds her finds favour from God! The commentary on this chapter says that virtuous in this context literally means, "of strength and moral courage." The commentary also brought out a couple of things I missed ...
- diligently attends to expending and gathering wealth (vs 15)
- has strength and honor - good moral character (vs 25)
- wisely manages those under her stewardship (vs 27)

I like this. This Proverbs woman is not the image of the one that I have lived with for years. She is a woman that I would like to be and I don't think she is unattainable.

What does it mean to be a woman? Really, at the heart of it, I think it is about being free to be all who God made you to be - whatever package that comes in!

Toxic Wounds

2008-05-05T15:41:00.011+09:00

When I was an intern at our church, I went through a season where I was a complete and utter mess. (I like to think I have moved out of that now! :) )

One morning, our wee intern group was having devotions together and we were doing a check on each other to see how we were doing. Most of us were struggling and a little discouraged. We were quite honest and upfront with each other in this.

About an hour later, we were up in the office of our pastor (who was away on sabbatical). We had our first mentoring session with Robert Fergusson, who at the time was the head of Hillsong Bible College, as well as a pastor at Hillsong church. Robert is razor sharp, a very wise and godly man and a gifted teacher. He is one of the few people I have ever met who truly marry truth and love. Anyway, we were sitting in the office, Robert looked around with a little grin on his face and said, “So guys. How’s it going?”

We went around the room (5 of us were there) and each person said something along the lines of, “oh praise God brother. It’s great. Just awesome etc.” You get the picture. I was mad! I am looking around the room, thinking of the discouraged conversation I was part of an hour earlier and thinking, “you pack of liars!”

Robert said, “So, are there any questions you would like to ask me? Anything.” As it was my turn to speak, I decided I was just going to say it as it was (no surprise to those of you who know me!).

I said (and note the third person here), “So, what do you do when you are a leader and you are a mess. You are such a mess that you would not be in church except it’s your job. You don’t want to pray for people because what are you going to impart to them. You are just a wreck but it’s your job to be on top of it, pouring out to others.”

Robert responded along the lines of, “and you just want to be left alone in the dark. Someone turn the light out and just leave me …” As he spoke, you could see the atmosphere in the room change. Interns leant forward on their chairs and you could see a sense of relief written on their faces. The thought was evident: “someone understands, someone knows.” Robert said a few more things and it drew people out more, and heads started nodding. Then, as he drew people in (like reeling fish on a line), he sat back with a grin and said, “Well, that’s just selfish isn’t it!”

It was like a verbal slap and was I mad! I came back with both fists flying (metaphorically speaking) and said, “Well no. I am serving. I am … (note the change from third person to first here?!)” Just as I got to the “I am… “ bit, God spoke clearly and sharply in a nanosecond to me. And this is what I heard: “and why are you serving Sarah? Because you don’t want to be alone with me. You don’t want to be still. You are serving me to avoid me. And that is selfish.” Whoa. Caught me completely off guard and I shut up. Robert went on to share some life changing things that day, and it was the beginning of me getting out of my pit.

Why am I sharing this with you today? It is because I have had a question running around in my head for the last week or so. The question is this:
“What happens when our giftings get entwined with our unhealed wounds?”

Selah. Which means, pause and think on it for a moment.

I have been thinking about this a lot. And before I share my thoughts, I want to clarify a couple of things from the start. Can God use us when we are wounded? Of course. To a degree, we are all walking wounded. Can God bring good from our wounds and our scars. Absolutely. But many of us are walking around with toxic, infected, pus-oozing wounds. We have not taken time to take care of these, or allow God to. It is these wounds that I want to talk about today.

So I ask you again. What happens when our giftings get entwined with our unhealed wounds? Or even more specifically, what happens when our wounds become the driving force behind our giftings and our Christian service. What happens?

I wonder if this is how we lose sense of personal boundaries. We give and give at the expense of ourselves and our families. We serve out of wounds that tell us we are not good enough – so we do more and more and end up martyring ourselves. Something drives us to keep giving – we never feel that it is enough. We feel guilty if we put up boundaries and say no while seeing other people serving. Or perhaps we are experiencing the flip side of our lack of boundaries, and we feel resentful, if we are serving and other people say no.

I tried putting this in a context of some of our giftings. Lets take a look:
Maybe we speak and do not listen because we feel validated by what we say and how its received. Maybe we do not feel like what we say matters if we are not heard by large numbers of people. Maybe we discount the impact of our words on those in our immediate sphere of influence such as family, friends and workplaces.

Maybe we teach but we do not learn because we are afraid to look within. Maybe we teach and do not learn because we are critical of everyone else’s teaching.

Maybe we give and are not able or comfortable to receive. Maybe we give, and do not take – time for God, ourselves, families and friends. Maybe everyone else’s needs are more important than our own.

Maybe we have the spiritual gift of prophesy and we are able to see. Maybe when we see, we are harsh and judgemental instead of the voice of mercy and grace found at the feet of God.

Maybe we are evangelists and we get caught up with catching souls and forgetting the person they belong to. We get preoccupied with numbers and do not follow up or disciple those we lead to Christ. We do not get involved with their life. We move on, leaving them floundering and feeling like a number.

Maybe we have the gift of serving and we serve and serve, ignoring the service that needs to happen at home with our families. But it’s okay because we are doing the work of God, and our families should understand that. Our families are also the work of God!

I am thinking about how Jesus said, “love your neighbour as you love yourself.” Read it again: “love your neighbour as you love yourself.” That’s right people, how can we love our neighbours if we do not love ourselves? It is not an excuse to be narcissists and make ourselves the centre of our universe. I wrote a post on this concept a while back, so take some time to refresh yourself on that if you have not read it. The thing is, we cannot love our neighbours if we do not love ourselves because it will be flawed.

Somehow, over the years at church, we have made self-love an unwritten crime. We equate self-love with selfishness. We feel we are selfish if we put our needs ahead of others. Perhaps a key here is our needs vs our wants! Have we ever stopped in our lives and marriages etc to consider what we need? Have we done this in our own personal lives? I think women generally are not good at this. I am generalising, but so many women are caregivers, they feel guilty when someone elses needs do not get met and their own do. Jesus had needs. There were times when he withdrew to pray or just be with his people. He did not go on a non-stop tiki tour of meeting everyone else’s needs and wants. He knew he couldn’t. Look at the sick man by the pool. Quite probably, there were lots of people by the pool. Legend had it that if you were first in when the waters were stirred, you would be healed. You can bet your bottom dollar … there were a ton of sick people hanging out there, waiting to be first in. The thing is, there will always be people needing us and wanting us. And lets face it, it feels good to be needed and wanted doesn’t it! But, think on this. If Jesus could not meet all those demands on earth, neither can we. And if we try, or are driven by our wounds, we will be sucked dry, miss our primary callings and in the end, be of no help to anyone!

I write this post today with a sense of concern. Take some time to be still. Ask yourself these questions and ask God to speak to you. Is your life in balance? Are you being driven by unhealed wounds? Do you have a sense of guilt when you say no? Do you have any boundaries in your life? If not, why not? If not, who is suffering near you? Who in your family or friends is missing out? If you do have boundaries, are they so rigid that they are unmovable walls? Why? Do you feel unappreciated and let down by those you have tried to serve. Take some time to reflect on these questions and where you stand. Do you truly love yourselves? Are you caring for yourself so that you can better care for those God has called you to?

Father, I pray that you would draw us aside with you and speak to us about the wounds in our lives. I pray that you would heal them and bind up those who are broken hearted, those who are suffering, those who are driven. I pray that you bring peace and the knowledge that we are loved deeply by you. I pray that you would help us to prioritise our lives and that we would walk in your footsteps, according to your ways.

Amen

The Gift (s)

2008-04-24T15:22:00.003+09:00

Today is my birthday. To be quite honest, I was a little upset about today as we have parent conferences tonight and it irks me to be spending my special evening sitting waiting for an occasional parent to turn up when I could be celebrating. I felt like my birthday was a bit of a non event.

So ... when I awoke this morning, I said to God, I want to start by sharing my special day with just he and I. I sat down with my journal and thought about the gifts that God has given me. Outside of the obvious (Jesus), the thing that sprang to mind as I wrote this morning, was the gift of LIFE. The gift of being born. Now, I know that might sound strange to you, as you might be thinking ... "well duh! We are all born!" But the thing is, some of us were a little more unexpected. And it's often the unexpected babies that are at risk of their lives. As I reflected, my heart was filled with gratitude to God for protecting me. You see, I am not an accident. I was not a surprise to God. I was made on purpose, for a purpose. Ps 139 tells me that his eyes saw my unformed body when I was woven together in the secret place. It tells me that all my days were planned out before one of them came to be. It tells me that he laid his hand upon me. You see God had a plan.

39 years ago today, a mother pushed a baby into this world. She held the baby in her arms - loved it and then had to let it go - giving it up and surrendering it to the unknown. What tremendous love and courage that took. Today, 39 years ago, a mother loved the way that only a mother could, and then had her heart ripped with grief as she surrendered the baby she had carried over 9 months. She did not know then that God had a plan. That there was a purpose and it was beginning to unfold. She did not know that there was a family specially chosen, who would love her gift. Who would cherish her gift. Who would discipline it, guide it and see it become a woman with character. She did not know. But God did.

Today as I pondered on this, I thought of my family. I thought that is my second gift. I am grateful for their unconditional love, their patience, their perseverence in the face of adversity (I was not an easy child). They did not know what they were bringing home, but God did! Today, in large part, I am who I am because of them.

The third gift I am grateful for today is my friends. I can't even begin to describe how truely blessed I am with the friends I have. They have loved me, are honest with me, walk beside me, speak into my life and laugh and cry with me.

As I sat with God this morning, I wondered what I would say if he said to me, "what would you like for your birthday this year Sarah?" Outside of him, the thing that immediately sprang to my mind was beautiful Ruby. I want her to have the gift of life. That she would live and love and have life abundantly. That she would walk through life and not just live it!

I have had a marvellous day today ... I have skyped with friends from afar, I have had emails from family and other friends far away. I have been blessed with friends who sought me out today with cards and gifts. I had a class come into my office and sing to me. My last class of the day (7 year olds) brought me in the most beautiful box of handmade cards they had each made. Lots of love, thought and care.

I have decided that a new birthday tradition will be to start my birthday with God and my journal, reflecting on the gifts of the past year that I am grateful for. Today as I write, I am grateful for LIFE. Be blessed in yours. :)

Autumn's Story

2008-04-19T21:41:00.021+09:00

Okay ... this one is posted with all you Southern Hemisphere people in mind. My last blog was in tune with Spring, but in some parts of the world ... its Autumn! A little background for you. We had a stunning fall last year. The colours were fantastic and I went out shooting with my camera. I was pretty rapt with some of the results. About a week later, the temperature dropped and one night we had a big wind. In the morning when I woke up, most of the leaves were stripped from the tree and scattered as far as the eye could see. My eye was drawn to the bank outside my house. The sun was backlighting the leaves and it was magical. I dived inside for my camera and began to snap. I lay on the ground and snapped. I froze ... it had plummeted to -10C and my hands were so cold and frozen at the end of it all ... they were in pain warming up! However, these leaves caught me. What caught me was the unbelievable beauty in nature's discards. Something thrown away had beauty. I was caught up in the magic of it all and started to write. Today, I was able to pick up the story and complete it. I hope you are blessed. Why don't you grab a cuppa, sit down and let me tell you a story . . .

Autumn's Story

From her perch high up, Autumn peeked through the crowd. They were dressed in vibrant colours of the season – orange, gold, rust and red.

Autumn shivered as a cool breeze gently tickled her. She felt a little drab in her green coat. Sure, there were hints of beauty with the splashes of red, but she just did not glow like the others. Many people came by with cameras. Again and again lenses focused and shutters clicked. Those leaves front and centre, preened and glowed. They swayed in the breeze and basked in the reflected admiration of the viewers.

Oh how Autumn wished for just one moment in the spotlight. People loved the beautiful … admired their dress and their ability to glow. Never did Autumn feel so alone, unnoticed and worthless.

One morning Autumn awoke to the gentle caress of dawn. She gazed down at herself in wonder. Her coat of green was transformed into glowing red. But not like all the other reds. Autumn was special. Her coat was two-toned. Not only did she have a great new coat, but the crowd had thinned out. She was centre stage. She was somebody! Autumn smiled. She shone. She swayed to the beat of the breeze. And when the crowds came, they saw her. Paparazzi moments … lenses focused, shutters clicked … people exclaimed in wonder. Autumn had arrived. This was it. This was the moment she was born for. No longer hidden from view, looking on with the green of envy. She was born to shine!

Crisp sunny days came and went – each day drawing more and more people with cameras. Autumn shone and at night, she smiled to herself as she drifted off to sleep.

One night, Autumn awoke to a flash of searing pain. Icy fingers were tearing at her. Ripping, tugging and twisting …they teased and tore until poor Autumn went tumbling and rolling to the earth below.

When the first light of morning peeped over the hill, Autumn found that she was just one of many discarded leaves – all of whom had been beautiful once upon a time. These leaves had coats that were tatty and worn. Their colours were faded mementoes of glory days gone by. She heard a faint rustling noise and as she glanced around, Autumn realised, to her horror, that she had fallen into a leaf graveyard. The faint rustling she could hear, was the dying murmour of leaves breathing their last. Autumn was stunned. Was this her destiny? To die discarded and unnoticed? Surely somebody cared. Surely somebody would notice her and lift her from where she had fallen. She did not belong here. She was alive. She was vibrant … She was Autumn! People loved her. They took photos. Her coat was unique. Somebody would remember.

As the morning wore on, a new sound reached Autumn’s ears. There was a crackle and then a very ominous crunch. This was repeated in sinister rhythm, growing louder and louder. To Autumn’s horror, a huge pair of feet came crunching across the piles of discarded leaves. In their wake, dismembered, shattered bodies were tossed carelessly to the winds. The trail of carnage stopped next to Autumn. As she looked up, a sense of hope stirred within her. The owner of the feet unzipped a large blue bag and drew out a camera. “Finally,” Autumn thought. “I am found. I am remembered. I will be rescued.” She did her best to perk up … to be noticed … to be worthy.

The feet moved. The camera pointed … up … away from Autumn.
“Hey!” cried Autumn. “Here I am! Down here.”

A voice above muttered, “wrong angle … if I can just …”

CRUNCH!

“Ow,” cried poor Autumn. “It hurts. You are hurting me. I can’t breathe. You are killing me.”

The pressure eased off, and poor wounded Autumn could only lie whimpering in pain, as the camera was put away and the feet moved off into the distance, taking her hope and dreams with them.

Many days went by, and Autumn now lay numb, broken and in despair. Her beautiful coat was tattered and spotted. The colour had faded to a nondescript brown. Autumn was dying. She was alone. Discarded. Forgotten.

As she lay still … waiting for her life to end, a faint gleam caught her eye. Autumn gazed around, and as she did, a sense of wonder stole over her. The sun was sliding up over the hill. And as it slid higher, an incredible thing was happening on the bank. Discarded leaves, broken leaves, leaves that were dead and dying, started to glow.

Autumn’s eyes widened, as sun’s long golden fingers gently caressed fragile, broken leaves. And everywhere they stroked, life appeared. Beauty emerged. Hope bloomed. Things forgotten, things discarded, were renewed with a loving touch.

Autumn hardly dared breathe. Was it possible that light might find her? She looked down at herself and a small dark voice whispered into her ear. “You are not beautiful Autumn. Your coat is dull. You are dying. You are forgotten. You are one of many. There is no hope for you.” Autumn wept.

A gentle voice spoke into her darkness and she felt the warmth of light creep across her broken body.
“Hello Autumn.”

“Who are you?”

“I am the sun. I am light. I am life. I am.”

“You know my name?”

“Yes, Autumn. I know your name. I know you. When you were on the tree, I knew you. When you fell, I knew you. As you have lain here dying and thinking you were forgotten, I have known you. I knew where you were and I have watched you. You are beautiful Autumn.”

Autumn looked down at her tattered, faded coat and turned her head away in shame.

“Please do not look at me. I am not beautiful. I am ugly. I am unworthy of your light.”

“Autumn. I created you. You are beautiful. As I am, you are. Your beauty does not come from your outward appearance. It comes from me. I am in you. Let me shine my light on you and through you.”

Autumn looked down, and as she stared at herself, she felt a golden warmth start to radiate through her body. As she watched in amazement, she was transformed. Her old tattered coat, took on a new beauty. Light started to emanate. Once again she was glowing.

“How can this be?” marvelled Autumn.

“In order to see my light, you needed to die, Autumn. There is depth to your colour now. The beauty that we see is because you are reflected in my light. This is true beauty.

Autumn smiled to herself. “What a wondrous thing it is to be loved. I thought I was loved on the tree. I felt worthy. But the people I thought loved me, discarded me. They did not know me. They did not care for me – just my coat. They trampled on me when I was broken. They tossed me aside for prettier coats. Sun, I have learnt what it is to be loved. I am somebody, because you touched me. When I was broken, and dying, you shone on me. I live, because you love.”

Sun just smiled.
“I love, that you live.”

Come Away With Me ...

2008-04-10T13:34:00.024+09:00

I love Spring in Korea. It explodes onto the trees and bushes. Literally! On Saturday morning, the cherry tree outside my window had one spray of blossom open. By Sunday night, the entire tree was in full glorious bloom and by another week, it will be another memory for the year.

The two views above are the views from my classroom window looking back over the school. There are 5 weeks between the two pictures. The snowy winter picture was taken last month (March) and the picture below was taken on Monday (April). Seasons in Korea change like the flick of a switch. These pictures say a lot to me because they illustrate one of the threads that God has been speaking to me about.

Approximately 4 weeks ago I was leaning on the playground tunnel tubes watching the children play, while on duty. (I was also having a "tired" day and the tubes were propping me up!) There was still a winter chill but there was a decidedly Spring vibe in the air. As I looked around, I could see no sign of Spring. Everything was brown and barren. There were no buds on the trees. There was no green anywhere. A cold wind was blowing and I was rugged up in my winter coat, scarf and gloves. I had a definate sense of God speaking to my spirit and saying, "Winter is over. Spring has come." My mind went to Joel 2:21 - 24
"Be not afraid, be glad and rejoice. Surely the Lord has done great things. Be not afraid for the open fields are becoming green. The trees are bearing their fruit. The fig tree and vine yield their riches. Be glad and rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers - both autumn and spring rains as before. The threshing floors will be filled with grain, the vats will overflow with new wine and oil."

Some of you (myself included) have been through a long dry season. It's seemed barren. You have wondered "how long"? Perhaps you have gifts that God has placed within you that are not being used. Perhaps you have dreams that are unfulfilled. Perhaps you have wondered if God has forgotten you! It may even seem that you are like Joseph - languishing in prison with dreams and hopes and gifts, and you see other people released while you are passed over, forgotten. What do you do? Well, to start with, here are a couple of things:

1. Know you are not forgotten.
Joseph told the cupbearer, "do not forget me" ... and he did. He was released and promptly forgot about Joseph. However God did not. Joseph was not forgotten even though an insiduous voice was probably whispering in his ear, "you are forgotten. No one knows you are here ... you are going to die down here Joseph ..." Joseph was NOT forgotten. God knew exactly WHERE he was and WHO he was. He was being prepared. Joseph had an appointed time and an appointed destiny! YOU are not forgotten. God knows YOUR name. He knows exactly where you are. He knows your appointed time and your appointed destiny. It was written in his book, before one of your days came to be (Ps 139). You are fearfully and wonderfully made, on purpose, for a purpose.

2. Sing!
Isaiah 54 says, "Sing o barren woman, you who never bore a child. Burst into song and shout for joy you who never were in labour; because more are the children of the desolate woman, than her who has a husband." God often works in paradoxes. What does this verse speak of? Fruitfulness. If you are barren, SING! Worship! You WILL be fruitful.

3. Be present.
Another verse running through my mind while in Cambodia was, "Be here. The King is wild for you." Let me put that another way.
Be Here.
Be HERE.
BE.
The KING is wild for you.
The king is WILD for you.
The king is wild for ...
YOU!

The word "wild" comes from the hebrew word "hwa". It means desire, covet, wait longingly, wish, sigh, want, be greedy for, crave, prefer. Do you have any idea of how much you are loved? God is not just, "oh, I really like her/him". He is absolutely madly, deeply, passionately and wildly in love with you. We need to learn the art of being present in our moment. Right here, right now. Not to be crass here, but imagine making love with your beloved. Part of the joy of it is being present in the moment. Imagine how betrayed you would feel, if you became aware that your beloved's thoughts, feelings and emotions were somewhere else completely and not present in the moment with you. This is where we are. Whatever the season. We are right here, right now. Be here. And be loved. I wrote a song a few weeks back - one of the lines is, "be present in this place, life is wonderful ..." It is. No matter the season. BE in it.

4. Come away ...
Huh? Weren't you just saying be present? Yup ... and now I am saying come away! Remember, God works in paradoxes! While in Cambodia, I kept humming the line from the Norah Jones song, "come away with me". I read this in Song of Songs 2:10-13
"my lover spoke and said to me, Arise my darling, my beautiful one and come with me. See the winter is past, the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come. The cooing of doves is heard in the land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come with me." See! The King is WILD for you and he longs for you to come away with him.

This coming away time is preparation time. It's not dead time. It's pruning and refining time. Hosea 2:14 - 16
"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards and will make the valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came out of Egypt."

So, in all of this this morning, what am I saying?
Whatever season you are in, have hope. Come away with Him. Be present in the moment ... and ... Sing baby, SING!

The Gift Of Thorns

2008-04-06T07:12:00.012+09:00

OW! Get it out! ... ow, ow OW! It hurts!

"My grace is enough; It's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness .."

"Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and BEGAN APPRECIATING THE GIFT (caps mine). It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness." (2 Cor 12:7 - The Message)

I am sure you have felt the cruel stab of a thorn and cried out with pain. Paul wrestled with his thorn, and as he wrestled, he pleaded with God to take it out.

I find myself thinking of Jacob and his wrestling experience (Gen 32:22-29). He wanted to be blessed and he wrestled all night, saying, "I will not let go until you bless me!" And then God (or the angel of God depending on how you read it) put his hip out of joint. Jacob limped for the rest of his life. He was a changed man. No longer did he strive, he knew God was his source and he leant on his staff and worshipped.

What have I learnt about wrestling and thorns? We don't like thorns. We don't like pain. We shy away from it and we plead with God to take it from us. We struggle, we wrestle, we fight. People, our thorns are GIFTS. Yes, you heard me right. They are gifts. They teach us that we need God. They reveal that we are crippled. They remind us that our strength is not enough. Ps 20:7 says, "some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we will trust in the name of the Lord our God." The word trust (as in trust in God) comes from a hebrew word that is also translated as "remember". The word is "zakar" and it means, "call to mind". Basically the message is clear. Our thorns are gifts because they help us bring to mind who we should be leaning on. They help us bring to mind that we are not all powerful, strong and in control.

Jacob also learnt humility. After his wrestling, he went on to meet his brother. The meeting had the potential to be rather explosive. After all, Jacob had ripped his brother off big time. Yet we see Jacob meeting his brother in an attitude of humility and submissiveness.

My friend Frances used to raise and show pet lambs. One year, she had a lamb called Thunder. He was hilarious. Frances would pick him up in her arms and he would kick and bleat and struggle and then she would flip him over on his back. Suddenly he would just go limp - aaaahhh. Totally relaxed and chilled he would lie still, gazing adoringly up into her eyes.

My tumor, anaemia, meds and exhaustion bring me to my knees. I am strong. I am a fighter and these things have taken the fight out of me. They have brought me to the end of myself. And here is where the gift begins. I don't have the energy to fight. It's time for me to lay back in the arms of the one who loves me and speaks my name. And not just my name in passing, but my name - filled with meaning. Filled with love. Filled with all of who I am and ever will be. My name. Me. It's like the "being" idea. All of me, wrapped up in that one word, spoken from his lips. My job is to submit, to lay like Thunder the lamb, still in His arms, and be loved.

Isaiah 40:31 says, "but they who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint." Lets break down a few key words here:

Wait - "Qavah" - to look for, lie in wait for, linger for, look eagerly for.

Renew - "Chalaph" - pass through, change, sprout again

Mount Up - "alah" - ascend, go up, meet, visit, spring up, grow, shoot forth

As we lie in his arms, we will be renewed, we will change and new life will spring forth. As Paul says, we need to learn to appreciate the gift of thorns. We end, and He begins.

One final thought, Psalm 103 says, "you crown me love and compassion". It is so true. But think about this, what crown did Jesus wear? If he wore a crown of thorns, surely we can accept the ONE that we are honored with?

I Would Walk 500 Miles ... And I Would Walk 500 More ...

2008-03-31T18:17:00.006+09:00

You all know it I am sure ... so put the CD player on in your head and sing along ...

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would 500 more
Just to be the man
Who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door ...

Yes ... it' s that really catchy song by the Proclaimers. Steven Curtis Chapman did a fabulous remake of it a few years ago and changed some of the lyrics as he was writing an album about love. Check out his lyrics here. There is something so infectious about this song. You want to walk ... and you want to sing. Lets just focus on the walking for a bit. But as you read ... you just might want to keep humming ;)

In Genesis 3, we see that in the garden of Eden, God used to walk in the cool of the evening. As I read this chapter, I take from it the implication that God would walk and have fellowship with Adam and Eve. How do I get this out of that chapter? Well, when things went wrong, they hid and God called for them. Something was abnormal, something was wrong. And the thing that was different? They were hiding. So imagine, God walking and talking ... just loving to connect with his creation. And now ... his creation is hiding ... no longer walking, talking and connecting. Something is broken. Something is wrong.

Further on in Genesis 5, this idea of walking with God comes up again. Surprisingly, it is one of those areas we just love to skip over in the bible ... one of those long geneology lists we use to assist us in sleeping! However, don't miss this one. It's radical! In the midst of it (vs 21 - 24) we meet Enoch. Now Enoch stands out in this lineage because all his predecessors are said to have lived, whereas Enoch is said to have walked with God. Did you notice that?! Enoch didn't just live ... he was different. He walked with God. WOW. This is so important, that in the 4 verses that talk about Enoch, it mentions TWICE that he walked with God - just in case we missed it the first time.

We meet Enoch in just one other place. He is listed in the Hebrews Hall of Fame. The Heroes of Faith Chapter - Hebrews Chapter 11. In vs 5, it tells us that before Enoch was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. Wow! This is even cooler ... I not only want to walk with God - I want to be commended as one who pleases him. Don't you?! It gets even better yet! In the very context of discussing Enoch, the writer reminds us that God rewards those who earnestly seek him. Jeremiah 29:11-13 springs to mind here: "You will find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord." People, God is not playing Hide and Seek with us. He wants to be found, he wants to walk and talk with us - with YOU - with me! He created us and the plan was walk and talk and connect, right from the beginning. What do we learn from Enoch's life? There is a difference between living and WALKING. How much do we just live - caught up in the momentum of our days, as opposed to walking with God?

I was contemplating all this the other night and then decided I needed to play 500 miles (the SCC version - stop and click the link above if you have not read it already!). I ended up having the best worship time to this ... walking up and down in my room. It puts the biggest smile on my face when I listen to it. SCC rewrote it for his wife, but let's look at some of the lyrics in the context of walking with God. Hum along ... and come along ... let's WALK!

When I wake up, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the girl (okay ... I am one - so I changed it!) who wakes up next to you.
And when I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the girl who goes along with you.

Does this sound familiar? Psalm 139:2-3
You know when I sit and when I rise;
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down.
You are familiar with all my ways."

What about, "you hem me in, behind and before. You have laid your hand on me ..."

Yes ... God is really mindful of walking with us ... are we mindful of walking with him? This song flips it ... so we live with the awareness of walking with him.

In verse two, the song continues ...
When I'm lonely, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the girl who's lonely without you.

This is so bang on! Without walking with God we are lonely. The thing is, in this crazy world we live in, we try to stuff that loneliness void with as much as possible - be it tv, computer games, work. Pretty much anything that will distract us from the void. How many of us are just comfortable to "be" without any extras?

Pick up the beat and sing on ...
When I'm dreaming, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you ...

This reference to dreaming reminds me of several things. Primarily, it reminds me of David's heart in Ps 27. His "one thing". The one thing he could have if granted just one wish. What would you dream? David's dream, his one thing, is to dwell in God's house, gazing upon his beauty and seeking him (Ps 27:4). Secondly, it is a reminder to keep God at the centre of our dreams. This brings to mind a couple of scriptures:
"Seek first HIS kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." (Mtt 6:33)

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; he who seeks, finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." (Mtt 7:7) Jesus goes on to remind us that our heavenly father knows how to give good gifts to those who ask him. What dreams are you nursing, scared to trust God for? God knows our dreams, we can trust him with them because he loves us. He will not give us a stone when we ask for bread.

I just want to close this post with a reminder to you. God loves you. Get it?!
GOD loves you.
God LOVES you.
God loves ... YOU.

His desire is to walk with you. Walk with him ... talk with him. And as you do ... sing with me ...

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the girl
Who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door ...

Home

2008-03-31T06:49:00.003+09:00

Hi All

I am back home ... got home yesterday morning. Sat down this morning to write a blog (and not the post I have been mulling over) and a friend called, so now it will have to wait! Watch this space!

Anyway, thank-you for your prayers and thoughts shared while I was in Cambodia. I can tell you that it was fruitful time for me spiritually. I heard from God ... I am still hearing and praying and processing.

For those of you that have not been there, Cambodia is a beautiful country that has suffered much in very recent history. The atrocities of the Khmer Rouge defy description and it is one of the worst genocides in history - not one family was left untouched. What is amazing to me is that noone has really been brought to justice, although they are just about to start a war crimes commission. What this means is that back in the villages, people live side by side with those who killed, informed and committed attrocities. Wrongs have not been addressed, people have compartmentalized and moved on.

The Cambodian people are lovely ... very warm and friendly - but very poor. My friends took me out into one of the rural villages to meet some of the people they work with and I was privileged to sit with them and talk about God. They love to hear stories and I love to tell them... so it was a match made in heaven!

It was a great trip ... refreshing, interesting and one of the best times spiritually I have had with God for a long time. I am excited to walk with him and challenged. More about that later ...

Love Sarah

PS ... I did some great shopping and am very excited blog buddies because ... I shopped for you! There is a blog giveaway ... COMING!

Out of Reach - but Reaching Out!

2008-03-19T22:13:00.003+09:00

Hi All

Sorry I have not posted much lately ... been busy and very tired ... but my brain and my spirit are active! I am thinking ... and I have a post percolating. I am off to Cambodia for 10 days tomorrow ... will be leaving straight after school. I am visiting my friends Shane and Gaylene and their family who are missionaries there and then I will be heading up to Siem Reap for a few days on Wednesday. I am travelling by myself after I leave Shane and Gaylene and I have a two fold purpose in that. Please pray for the following things:

1. That I bring encouragement and refreshing to Shane and Gaylene - its been a LONG time since we have seen each other. They serve faithfully and it is hard at times to be out on the field pouring out without all the normal input one gets at home. I want to bring something from God for them.

2. My time in Siem Reap has several purposes. One is to rest. For me this means playing with my camera so I will be taking lots of pictures and wandering, and then sleeping! But something that is really strong in my spirit is that I want to hear from God. I will be away, by myself and I want and need to hear from him. Please pray he speaks to me. I am not even sure what it is I am needing to hear ... but i have a strong urge in my heart to put aside time to think, pray and listen to what he wants to tell me. (Claire ... I will be meditating on some things you wrote as well).

I have written to some close friends and asked them to pray for me over the next 10 days. I have also asked them if they would take time to listen to God for me too. I do not normally do that as i believe we should walk our own walks and hear our own words from God ... BUT I also believe in confirmation and so if you remember me, please pray.

Will be posting when I get back ...

Blessings to you all

Sarah

Hope ... (Claire's Story)

2008-03-18T17:52:00.004+09:00

I want to introduce you to my friend Claire. This is her with her husband Richard and their 3 boys. I wrote about Claire in Lessons From The Dead and The Dying 1 and Lessons From The Dead and the Dying 2 back in February last year. At that time she had received a very negative medical report with not alot of hope.

I am so thrilled to be able to share her story with you because it is a story of hope and encouragement. It is a testimony of God's amazing grace and healing power ... Here, in her own words, is Claire's story so pour yourself a cuppa and READ ON!

Claire’s story

June 19th 2006 will be a day etched in my memory forever. I had been having back pain for a month or so and put it down to carrying my six month old baby Sam around and leaning over to bath him. The pain killers got increasingly stronger until I had to take them to be able to sleep. I finally decided to see my doctor who recognized my liver was enlarged and blood test results showed abnormal liver function. I was sent to have an ultrasound scan and later that day a CT scan. It was confirmed that I had bowel cancer that had spread throughout all sections of the liver. Later that week I also had a colonoscopy to determine the extent of the bowel cancer. I was told by the specialist that the cancer was terminal with no possible cure. Less than 2% of people survive secondary liver cancer. It’s possible to remove up to 75% of the liver and it will regenerate, but because my tumors were so extensive in number and size (up to 5 cm in diameter), it was all too late. I was basically told I was going to die. I told the specialist that my God was bigger than cancer and I believed He was going to heal me.

I had to stop breast feeding Sam due to the huge amount of drugs I was prescribed. Sam refused to take a bottle for nearly two days. We proceeded to tell everyone the news and people began to pray. In the midst of this turmoil and despair, we had amazing peace. God was watching over us and we sensed His presence. It says in the bible that He is near to the brokenhearted, and we found this to be so true.

As time progressed I continued to get worse. Eventually I was taking 120mg of morphine a day, plus other medication for the pain, steroids and a variety of other tablets .Most of the day I just lay in bed or on the couch .I could only sit for a short period of time. Due to the size of the liver I was unable to lie on my side or use a pillow, so was literally flat on my back. The liver grew to the point where I looked about 6 months pregnant and it had extended down nearly 15 cm into the abdominal cavity. I would sweat profusely and during the night would have to change my bedclothes sometimes two or three times. I would lift my arm and it would be literally dripping with sweat. I later discovered this is an indication of liver dysfunction. There was a lot of pain in my abdomen and I was nauseous a lot of the time.

I was given no hope medically, so God was my only hope. I cried out to Him and was desperate for Him to do something. As I lay in bed I would physically reach out to God and He would hold my hand. I felt His love being poured out. It was like our family were being held in the palm of His hand and He was comforting us. He spoke to me, especially at night time. I would have conversations with Him and sometimes specific scriptures would pop into my mind. One night when I was asking God what this sickness was all about, He said that even though I would go through the fire I would not be burned and I would go through the waters but would not drown, and to have no fear because He would be there with me every step of the journey.
Later on when I started to get better I would wake in the middle of the night with the most unexplainable joy and excitement that I knew were from God. I had an expectation that He was going to do something great.

People were wonderful to us. We were given meals each night for months, from our church, school and preschool families. People would turn up with baking, flowers and gifts or just pop in to visit. Some even came to help with the kids or clean the house. We had cards all over the house. I can’t explain how loved and cared for we felt. We had a great support network of friends, mainly through our church, Palmerston North New Life Church. Our homegroup held prayer meetings for me, and a friend from school started a weekly get together of mums to pray. During these times God’s presence was so evident, people had visions, prophecies and words of encouragement. I greatly valued the prayer support and knew God was sustaining me and restoring life and health to my body. I had prayer cloths sent from Africa, Jersey and a church in Auckland. These are cloths that people have prayed over and are placed on the sick people to make them well, as is mentioned in the bible.

My husband Richard was a great support and remained a real strength throughout my illness. He would pray for me when I was in pain and the pain would disappear or ease off. He was given as long off work as he needed, remaining on full wages. What a blessing that was not to have financial concerns on top of everything else.

My sister Janine shortened a trip to Africa to come and live with us. I remember her stating that she would stand with me believing for a miracle, until God healed me. She helped nurse me, look after the three boys and run the home. We were so thankful for her. She’s a nurse and great with children so was a wonderful help.

My parents in Taranaki were also a huge support, regularly coming down and helping out where necessary. We went for a trip up to there during the school holidays. The drive in the car was excruciating. I had to lie down across the back seat and every bump jarred my body. I have never felt so sick and fatigued in all my life. The time up there was great though, with my brother and a friend from Auckland coming down to see me, and the local church there praying for me.

The local hospice got involved and were so helpful sorting practical needs. A nurse would visit me at home, sort medication and monitor my progress. I was reluctant to have chemotherapy, but eventually after the charge nurse of oncology came to our home and talked about, it I agreed. I wasn’t afraid of having chemotherapy, but simply believed that God was going to heal me without medical intervention. I was told very clearly that the chemotherapy would never be a cure, but there was a 40% chance it would work to buy some time and relieve some symptoms. I went through 5 _ months of intensive treatment. I didn’t enjoy sitting there having treatment, surrounded by people much older than myself, many who looked fearful and overwhelmed by their predicament.

Remarkably, I had virtually no side effects from the chemo. I believe this was due to Gods protection and all the people praying for me. God was at work and we saw miracles happening. As treatments progressed the needle became difficult to get in, my veins collapsed, and the chemical leaked into the surrounding tissue. After people prayed, the needle went straight in each time and we were surprisingly able to use the same vein again and again without any problems. There were no further problems with the veins and I didn’t end up needing a portacath or line for the drugs to go directly into.
I had some inflammation, pain and peeling on the soles of my feet after a few months. I was told this would only get worse. A number of people prayed one night and the next morning I awoke to perfectly healed feet, with this problem never occurring again. If God could do these little miracles He could also do the big one.

After 6 rounds of treatment I was offered a further 2 rounds, because the tumors had responded so well. Despite being told that usually there is no further improvement after 6 rounds, the tumors reduced a further 30% in size and the liver tumor markers continued to come down. (My understanding is that tumor markers are a measure of the fast dividing cells in the bloodstream. In a normal healthy person the measure is between 0-10.) My liver tumor markers were 11,500 when I was first diagnosed. We saw the number come down dramatically after each round of chemotherapy, and by December they were down to 6. It was made quite clear from the beginning that once the chemotherapy stopped the tumors would begin to grow again and this measure would go up. At this point I was told they would give me a break from chemo and continue with another type when they began to go up again. I have had 3 monthly blood tests since and the tumor markers have continued to progressively improve to where they remain normal. The liver function has also continued to improve to where all liver blood tests are within normal limits. This defies medical explanation.

I’ve also had CT scans along the way, and the tumors have reduced in size. A scan in October shows that there are still small tumors throughout my liver, and the oncologist thinks they are dormant. I have peace about this and believe they are dead. God has overcome my enemy! I hope in time that the tumors will go completely. I hold onto the scripture Philipians 1:6 “He who began a good work in you will bring it on to completion”.

Thoughts from my journey with cancer:

# Each day I needed to seek God to discover afresh where He was leading me and what he was saying. I needed a new word from Him to get through each day. It was important for me to speak Gods word over my life. I would claim bible scriptures on healing such as Psalm 118:17 that says “I will not die, but I will live and declare the works of the Lord”. I especially love the psalms and could identify with a lot of the emotions that David experienced when he was being pursued by his enemies. Reading Gods word was like taking medicine, and it even says in the bible that the word is health to all my flesh- prov 4:22. I couldn’t wait to open my bible each day, as it was alive and I was having amazing revelations. As I did this my faith grew. Faith is believing what God says and not focusing on what we see through human eyes. I didn’t place too much focus on what I was told medically, as it was always negative and faith destroying. The doctors and nurses I dealt with at the hospital were fantastic, but most didn’t have faith and failed to recognize that God was at work in my life. Doctors only know a small fraction of how our bodies work. I figure that He who created me is the best one to fix me, and restore my health, and the medical help I received was just a part of God’s plan. Eph 3:20 says that God is able to do exceedingly greater than we could ever hope for or imagine.

When I looked at the situation through human eyes it was overwhelming and terrifying, but when I looked up and chose to focus on the Lord and trust in Him and believe His promises it was okay. 2 Cor 4:8 & 17 says we don’t fix our eyes on what is seen, but what is unseen. What is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. We look at victory. I remember at times being in pain or suffering in some way or coming home from a hospital visit after being reminded again that I would die. My sister and I would cry together at how awful the situation was, and then we would stop and remember that God was in control. We’d pray and be filled with peace and the hope that He was going to do this miracle.

# Many well known people prayed for me when I was sick, but I know it wasn’t because of any particular person that I was healed. As I lay sick in my bed for months I simply reached out to God himself and He touched me. I sought the healer rather than the healing. I learnt to live in His presence and He comforted me. I knew joy in the midst of turmoil, peace that passes understanding and His love being poured out over my life. Physically my body was a mess, but spiritually I was alive and well and growing in the Lord. I felt closer to God lying there, than I did at a big healing meeting. God walked with me hand in hand. I communed with Him and entered into the ‘holy of holies’. When God walks with you, you have no fear. Even though I looked death in the face it had no sting, as the bible says. I had no fear of dying because I knew where I was going and who I was going to be with, if I was to die. Whether God healed me or not I would win. Saying this to people though I always added that I strongly believed I was going to be healed. Early on Richard and I discussed what would happen if I died, regarding his work, the boys and even him remarrying, then we put that aside and focused on my health being restored.

# I was never angry at God. I would tell Him I didn’t understand and ask why, but trust Him anyway. I got angry with the enemy because Gods word says that Satan came to kill steal and destroy, but God came to give us life in abundance. If God bought sickness on me how could I ask Him to heal me? What Satan meant to harm me, God meant for good. Great things have come out of this time, with many peoples lives being impacted for good.

Psalm 139 says God had all my days planned out before even one of them came to be, so He knew I was going to get sick. In Jeremiah it says that His plans for us are good, to give us a future. I didn’t believe it was His perfect will for me to die at this time and leave a husband and three little boys behind.

# Every day is a gift from God. I love being a mum and value caring for my family and doing common everyday things. I want to make every day count and to use my time wisely, to store my treasures up in heaven rather than on earth. My priorities have changed, in fact my whole life has changed and I’ll never be the same again. I think I could live anywhere and do anything so long as God remained close to me.

My challenge now is to not let busyness crowd out my time with God. Looking after 3 boys and running a home has many demands, and I want to put God first in my life, to make time to spend with Him. I find this really hard at times when there are so many things on and I do get tired.

# A number of people suggested alternative treatments, diets, positive thinking etc. There’s some really weird and wonderful ideas on healing out there. However, no amount of these things would have worked for me as my cancer was too far gone. I discovered the link between nutrition and health and believe diet is important. I needed an extraordinary miracle and God alone was the power of my healing. As Christians the spirit of God resides within us and according to Romans 8:11 the power that raised Jesus from the dead gives life (and health) to our bodies.

# God is sovereign and there’s nothing we can do to earn healing. There’s no set formula on what you have to do, because that would take the focus off God and place it on ourselves. He heals us simply because He loves us.

# There’s always someone worse off than you. Focus on the positive and find things to be grateful for no matter how grim the situation. Seeds of discouragement can never take root in a heart of thankfulness.

# People need to know that cancer is not a death sentence. There is always hope, and nothing is impossible for God. No matter how bad the situation, God can overcome as He has for me. There can be victory if we choose to look to him.

# All the glory must go to my Lord Jesus Christ. Without Him I wouldn’t be here today. He alone is worthy of praise and has certainly proven himself true to His word. He is my strength and sustains me each day. I take delight in the fact that all the days of my life were written in his book before time began and I will not leave this life until God’s appointed time.

# There are so many family and friends that I would love to mention, who have been a part of my journey. I want to thank those who have supported, prayed for and blessed us in many different ways.