More Bex Than That at Which Sticks Can Be Shook aka PLANET BEX

"Somebody's Dad is Waving Right There"

2008-07-03T12:19:00.002-04:00

Finally ... FIIINALLY ... FIIIIIIINAAAAALLLYYYYYY someone has taken the time to decipher, transcribe, and illustrate Joe Cocker's "A Little Help From My Friends" performance at Woodstock. I truly had no idea that Joe Cocker was a poet of such tremendous impact. This is the most enlightening experience I've had in months and months.

Reality Show SCANDALS

2008-07-01T11:56:00.002-04:00

You guys. My all-time favorite television appearance re-aired last night on "Showbiz Tonight" so I wanted to share it with you. Seriously. All-time-fave-rave-talking-head appearance EVER.

PS: So I've been drowning in Rock Honors: The Who (Thursday, July 17th at 9/8c, only on vh1!) and then I went to Costa Rica and then I was an interfaith ministrix/Reverend SuperJew for the best wedding ever so I have been mega-lax on the updates. Whoopsies.

A Bullet-Eating Duck

2008-06-09T16:58:00.000-04:00

Someday, perhaps when I've been drinking, please ask me to do my impression of the Bullet-Eating Duck and the Bonus Round Bear from the coleco game "Carnival."

It's must-see-tv.

SUPER HOT COMEDY ACTION! Thursday, June 5th! 7:30pm!

2008-06-04T16:14:00.002-04:00

HEEEEY YOU GUYYYYS. I am filling in for my good buddypal Auntie Sara tomorrow night and hosting her amazing show, "Family Hour." Here's the scoop:

Come see why the New York Post calls Family Hour with Auntie Sara "one of the city's best bets for alternative comedy!" This hilariously unique family-themed (but not family-appropriate) night of stand-up and storytelling happens each Thursday at 7:30 PM at Ochi's Lounge/Comix. From attempted murder to Survivor audition tapes, these comedians' parents (and grandparents, and cousins, and siblings) have done it all. Best of all, Auntie Sara gives you FREE HOMEBAKED COOKIES! No cover, 1 item min. purchase. See http://www.sarabenincasa.com for more info. This week: special guest host, Auntie Bex Schwartz! (VH1, CNN) (that's me! -- ed.)

Featuring these amazingly talented and wonderful comedians:
Greg Johnson
Dan St. Germain
Gilad Foss
Cousin-in-Residence Kambri Crews
Mara Herron
Carmen Lynch
Godfather-in-Residence Tom Shillue
H. Alan Scott

Thursday, June 5th.
Ochi's Lounge at Comix - 353 West 14th, just east of 9th Ave.

YES WE CAN

2008-06-03T22:45:00.000-04:00

HAPPY DAY!

Things Like This Make it Possible To Get Out of Bed in the Morning

2008-05-27T22:08:00.005-04:00

Yes, tigers. There are things to make even the most permanent over-sleeper (that's me. I'm not wired for the mornings) get up in the morning. Things like unicorns, and soy vanilla pudding and The Hold Steady. But, more importantly, there are things like the classic "We Are the World" video (a highlight of 1984, to be sure, and the focal point of my first-grade existence), done all-new-all-over-again -- this time, starring Japanese impersonators playing each celebrity role and mimicking their lines. If just for the guy doing Bruce Springsteen (which was always the part I played when my friends and I would recreate this video), this is youtubular amazingness. It tickles my pleasure center.

And, O goodness; the Cyndi Lauper lady. Dead on, sister, just dead on. And Ray Charles! Gah! Ray Charles!

I don't know if you share the same near-obsessive compulsion with W.A.T.W., but I used to watch that shit over and over again and I knew every word and I could even identify everyone in the video (why is Dan Ackroyd there?) and if you'd like to know everyone who pops up, there's info here, but it's sort of cheating because, really, you should be able to recognize EVERYONE - Al Jarreau, whuuuuut?

(hat tip to the always wonderful BWE.tv for the amazingness).

Send them your hearts so they know that someone cares, and their lives will be stronger and free.

BEST FREAKOUTS EVER - now on CNN.com

2008-05-26T20:32:00.002-04:00

Hey you guyyyys!
That piece I was in on "Showbiz Tonight" last week about the "Best Freakouts EVER" is now available for your online viewing pleasure. Watch it right here!

Why You Should TOTALLY Watch So You Think You Can Dance

2008-05-23T11:57:00.003-04:00

Because people like this Robert Muraine cat are SO STUPID SICK (thanks, Mia Michaels).

I mean, whuuuut? Those are LIQUID LIMBS, people. Liquid!

I love this show sooooo very much. And now that Idol is over (and Survivor, and Gr'anatomy, and Lost is almost done, and there's no Big Brother for a while,) and I am laid up with a busted-up broken-down toe, I needs my fix of t-t-t-t-tasty tasty tv.

A Tableau

2008-05-20T18:18:00.001-04:00

This is my broken toe. And my panda. And my firecane. And my new oversized pillows. These are basically the items around which my life is rotating right now. It's phenomenally glamourous.

Best Freakouts EVER -- on Showbiz Tonight

2008-05-20T15:51:00.003-04:00

... watch me on last night's Showbiz Tonight! Discussing "BEST FREAKOUTS EVER."

House's FIRE CANE (which is also MY fire cane)

2008-05-20T13:35:00.004-04:00

Last night on "House," drunken House forgot his firecane and Amber had to get on the bus to give it to him (even though she had driven to the bar, which was weird, because why would she leave her car at the bar and take the bus with House, shouldn't she have let House get on the bus sans cane and then dropped the cane off at his townhouse, or even given it to Wilson to give to House the next day at Plainsboro Teaching Hospital? I guess if she hadn't gotten on the bus, we'd have no two-part finale, but for a smart lady, I thought she made a dumb-ass choice). But! We got a nice long look at House's firecane, which just so happens to also be MY firecane, because I am hobbling around on it since I can't put any weight on my right foot, which is the foot with the broken big toe. So I was clutching my House firecane just when House received his own firecane! So House and I shared a real moment!

Of course, my friend Lindsayism / 'gum already blogged about House and his/my firecane last week so you already know where to get a House firecane of your very own.

But you should be forewarned that I already have House's firecane and since I am biting his style, you will be biting mine. But I'm sort of okay with that. Firecanes can take NYC by firestorm! (I am on a lot of painkillers. Forgive me).

Fergalicious - BACKWARDS

2008-05-20T11:48:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago, I performed "Fergalicious" (by Fergie!) backwards at the ToxicPop 5th anniversary party.

I hurt my back pretty hardcore so I wasn't able to do the 'ography I'd intended, but I sort of almost emulate-ish Fergieness. And I'm singing it backwards. Because that is my special human trick.

Watch Showbiz Tonight -- TONIGHT (5/19)

2008-05-19T14:35:00.000-04:00

Hi tigers!
I will be appearing in a segment on "Showbiz Tonight" on Headline News about the best moments of outrage ever. I am hopefully entertaining!

Details: 11pm on Headline News / again at 11pm Pacific / and 11am Eastern!

Also! I broke my big toe! And it hurts like a frakking BITCH. You should try to avoid breaking your big toe. It's a lot like teenage suicide: don't do it.

Must See TV

2008-05-15T13:47:00.002-04:00

My dad sent along this clip of Keith Olbermann (love him, btw) calling Dubya out on his bullshit. It's maybe the most incendiary thing I have seen on tv as late (and believe me, I watch a lot of tv).
I'm not planning on having the children, but I look forward, in a perverse way, to the moment when my friends' kids are in sixth grade or so and they're learning about American history from 2000-2008 and they're simply incredulous that this shit went on for so long. Hooray for Keith Olbermann.

Please check out the transcript of amazingness.

Keith Olbermann: Mr. Bush, at long last, has it not dawned on you that the America you have now created, includes "cold-blooded killers who will kill people to achieve their political objectives?" They are those in — or formerly in — your employ, who may yet be charged some day with war crimes.

Through your haze of self-congratulation and self-pity, do you still have no earthly clue that this nation has laid waste to Iraq to achieve your political objectives? "This ideological struggle," Mr. Bush, is taking place within this country.

Preach it, brother. Preach it.

When Local News Becomes AWESOME

2008-05-13T12:00:00.002-04:00

Oh, Sue Simmons. I've watched you do the local news for nearly my entire life, and I had no idea how amazing you truly were until you dropped the F-bomb during a live promo. Now I love you forever.

VIVA SUE SIMMONS!

PaaaaaaaahTAY, Tuesday 5/6

2008-05-05T14:17:00.003-04:00

Free Naked Granola Enemas for Peace - Toxic Pop's 5-Year Anniversary Party!

Join us on May 6, 2008 at 10 PM at Bowery Poetry Club (308 Bowery) as Toxic Pop celebrates the five year anniversary of our weekly newsletter. That's over 250 times our editors have delivered the down-and-dirtiest of NYC's underground performance to your inbox! It's also our founder's birthday, so we're going to party twice as hard.

To celebrate, we'll be rolling the clock back to the heyday of the art star scene, and bringing back some of New York's "classic" underground performers - comedy, music, and of course lots of drinking will all be on the bill. Featured Performers will include:

* The Gay Pimp, Jonny McGovern
* Just back from touring with George Carlin, Rob Paravonian
* Queen Mother of the downtown art scene, Reverend Jen Miller
* VH1's Bex Schwartz
* Electronic one-man band, Radio Wonderland
* Dirty Downtown Divas, The O'Debra Twins
* Plus: Special art star performances by Carmen Mofongo, Courtney Weber, and Katrin Hier
* Hosted by: Faceboy

Save a few bucks by buying your tickets in advance . They'll charge you $10 if you wait and buy them at the door, but snag them here ahead of time at www.toxicpop.com for a mere six dollars!

tRNA! Peptide Bonds!

2008-05-02T01:15:00.005-04:00

Tigers. I was enlightened by this video my senior year in high school at the very end of AP Bio. (It was deliciously retro goodness back then, but it comes from Stanford University, circa 1971). It's an interpretative dance depicting protein synthesis with a narrative loosely based on Jabberwocky. I think the performance herein says absolutely everything about why it wouldn't have sucked to be a senior in college in 1971. Sometimes, I wish I lived in this sort of world.

(This might be long, but you will learn everything you ever needed to know about protein synthesis and you might also want to do some modern interpretative dance with me, STAT.)

(oh, and the good stuff starts at 3:22ish. You can skip the introductory lesson if you just want to get to the drum circle-y tone poem biology hippie creamy nougat).

Let me just say: amino ACID.

Club Grandpa Fuckin Spaceshuttle

2008-05-01T17:40:00.002-04:00

I am, I Cried (I actually did. I cried).

2008-05-01T11:38:00.001-04:00

I was never quite Team Brooke, because I'm still rooting for Team Castro (with his sparkly, sparkly eyes -- but, really, Jason, step up or else I'm switching to Team Cook) but I've sort of enjoyed watching the g-rated nanny bust out all neo-Carole King this season (and it's been sort of amusing watching her tank as she and the rest of Amerika seemingly realized that she's no Carole King). And I have to acknowledge that I've apparently caught a case of depression from one of my friends, and yet I am sort-of-but-not-really ashamed to admit that I actually started crying last night when Brooke performed her tearful final song (after being celebrated home) and when she got to the lyrics, "I am ... I cried," well, so did I, Brooke, so did I.

Showbiz Tonight's "Reality Show Scandals" is Now Online

2008-04-26T19:43:00.003-04:00

Woohoo! The piece I was in on Tuesday about "reality show scandals" on Showbiz Tonight is now available to watch on the internets!

"Fort Hood" -- Now with 100% More Appearances on Stereogum

2008-04-24T16:36:00.001-04:00

One of my super alltime faverave sites has been awesome and amazingly wonderful enough to post the video for "Fort Hood," along with an essay by Mike. Ch-ch-ch-ch-check it on out. .

I has a happy!

Mike Doughty - Fort Hood

2008-04-23T19:13:00.003-04:00

I directed this video! Once more, with feeling (and now, on youtube)

Check out what Mike has to say about this video. The label wanted to wait before releasing this, but we are agitated about current events. Let's stop talking about lapel flag pins while kids are still dying.

If you want to end war and stuff, you have to sing loud. (Thank you, Uncle Arlo.)

The Faaabulous Life of Tony Stark

2008-04-23T15:26:00.002-04:00

video.vh1.com

1) I love Robert Downey Jr. so much. He is my most favorite actor of all time, and I not-so-secretly would chuck it all to run away with him (or Tony Stark) forever.
2) Look at me being all "Fab Life" stillz. Bwa ha!
3) You might want to enter the "Be Tony Stark for a Weekend sweepstakes . If you win, please to take me with you?

In My Head, It Is Always Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber Night

2008-04-22T22:57:00.004-04:00

I just want to say: Castro, you fool, you should have done Heaven on Their Minds.
(I am still on Team Castro, because my eight-year-old little-girl heart still thinks that the modulation in "Memory" is the most beautiful thing ever). (Also, I sort of love "Cats" in a sort of ridiculously nostalgic way).

However, I also want to say that while I am elated that Ms. Carly tackled the awesomeness that is JCS, her version of "Superstar" could never match the wonder that is Mark Rinzel as Judas on German television.

(Note: Mark is not just one of my favorite singers, but he is also marrying my best friend and I really, really, really hope he wears that unitard to the wedding. Please, Mark? Please?)

I Shall be on "Showbiz Tonight" - Tonight! at Elevenses!

2008-04-21T16:23:00.002-04:00

At long last, the segment I shot several weeks ago about "Reality Show Scandals" will be airing tonight on Headline News in the show "Showbiz Tonight." Heads up, hup hup hup!