Jonnie & Sandra

Announcement

2007-04-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

Our favorite alley cat, Tiggi, has been welcomed to the household:

Stanley Wood Greets Tiggi.
After the vet pronounced Tiggi free of any contagious diseases and determined him a non- health hazard to Stanley Wood, we decided it would be ok to intervene on his behalf. He has since had his ears cleaned (which is cat lady jargon for receiving his vaccinations) and after one week of Sandra's special cat diet, his missing fur patches are already growing back.

The length of his stay here is as yet uncertain; but for the present time, he is boarding here as Jonnie's & Sandra's welcome guest.

Feel free to say "Hi" in the comments and we Sandra will read them to him.

***

EDIT:

Jonnie and Tiggi

Tiggi and Mr Stanley Wood taking a nap on the bed

The Great Anna Nicole Smith Bandana Swindle

2007-03-29T06:02:00.000-07:00

On our last day in Germany, Anna Nicole Smith (ANS) was finally buried and we both thought it was about time.

You can say what you want about ANS's flakiness, which was always immensely enjoyable; but really, she didn't seem to have a bad bone in her body. Jonnie and Sandra both enjoy ANS interviews and we both lamented her sudden death.

On our flight back to America, Sandra stumbled across this photograph in a German gossip magazine -

ANS with Bandana.
The bandana ANS is wearing in this photograph matches a bandana recently purchased by Jonnie at a Santa Ana 99 Cent Only store -

Jonnie with ~~Same~~ Bandana.
On our drive home from work a few weeks ago, Jonnie turned down the radio and suddenly initiated the following dialog -

Jonnie: Hey! Guess what I'm going to do?
Sandra: What??
Jonnie: I'm going to sell my bandana on eBay as Anna Nicole Smith's bandana!
Sandra: You can't do that!
Jonnie: Why not??
Sandra: It's fraud!
Jonnie: No it isn't!
Sandra: It is too!!
Jonnie: A lot of stuff on eBay is fraudulent.
Sandra: Yes, but you don't want to be a fraud too.
Jonnie: I'm not a fraud, I just want to sell that bandana.
Sandra: Well, you can sell the bandana, you just can't claim it belonged to Anna Nicole Smith.
Jonnie: Maybe I won't even claim it was actually Anna Nicole Smith's bandana.
Sandra: [silence]
Jonnie: I'll say, "A bandana like the one worn by Anna Nicole Smith", then post the photo.
Sandra: That would be okay.
[long pause]
Jonnie: Nobody would buy it though.
Sandra: No.
[long pause]
Jonnie: What if I never claim it was her bandana, but call it Jonnie's Anna Nicole Smith Bandana?
Sandra: You would have to note somewhere that is is not Anna Nicole Smith's actual bandana.
Jonnie: I never claimed it was her bandana in the first place!
Sandra: You suggested it!
Jonnie: How about - For Sale: This bandana which is exactly like the one worn by Anna Nicole Smith in this photograph.
Sandra: I don't have a problem with that.
Jonnie: It won't sell though.
Sandra: No.
Jonnie: God damn it!
[pause]
Jonnie: I have a dream!
Sandra: You've been planning this all day, haven't you?
Jonnie: Since 8:00am! I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget! [produces a scrap of paper with handwritten text which reads, Put ANS bandana on eBay!]
Sandra: Ha Ha Ha Ha !! You don't want to swindle people!
Jonnie: OK - Anna Nicole Smith's bandana, then the picture of ANS wearing the bandana. Then a picture of my bandana which is captioned, The actual bandana.
Sandra: No!
Jonnie: OK - the caption would say AN actual bandana. Not THE actual...
Sandra: No!!
Jonnie: A SIMILAR bandana...
Sandra: That's fine.
Jonnie: It won't sell.
Sandra: No.
Jonnie: OK - MY ANS Bandana. Then a picture of ANS wearing the bandana. With NO caption.
Sandra: [shakes head]
Jonnie: I just want to put it on eBay. It only cost me 99 cents.
Sandra: Don't put it on eBay.
Jonnie: God damn it.

This is probably the closest we've ever come to a serious argument.

March Summary

2007-03-28T05:50:00.000-07:00

Events which have occurred since Jonnie & Sandra's return to America
(copied from notes in Jonnie's day calendar)

We picked up Stanley Wood from the cat sitter and received free cat furniture. Sandra continued to work at Jonnie's workplace. Jonnie took on a ton of evening and weekend hours from the library which cut into gym time. Our nextdoor neighbor had the police called on him at 3:00am and they knocked on our door by mistake. Sandra got a stomach ache. We watched the Inside Deep Throat documentary. Rodney Bingenheimer received a star on Hollywood's Walk-Of-Fame. We ate in restaurants in numerous locations and on many occasions. We bought clothes. We found a local Dollar Tree and bought multiple jars of sun dried tomatos. We ate pizza. We found a cheap local bike shop and had Sandra's bike repaired for a fraction of our estimated cost. We threw away Stanley Wood's cat food which may be toxic. We bought new cat food for Stanley Wood. We did the laundry on multiple occasions. We took sandwiches to work. We discovered beer cheddar cheese at Trader Joe. Jonnie's employer asked him to throw away a shelf. Jonnie put it in the trunk of his car instead, so now we have an extra shelf in our kitchen. Sandra purchased a new salad bowl. Jonnie had a migraine. We purchased plastic containers from Big Lots. We watched the Life of Brian DVD. Sandra was given a free drink coupon at Soup Plantation. Jonnie was not given any free coupons at Soup Plantation. Sandra purchased and activated a new cell phone. Sandra made Sir Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back her new ring tone. Sandra cooked. Jonnie washed dishes. Jonnie found a beef jerky coupon (buy one, get one free) and an ad for a Rite Aid sale in which beef jerky was on special (buy one, get one free). Jonnie brought both of these home to Sandra after a weekend library shift, then we went out to buy beef jerky immediately. Jonne bought a 40-episode Beverly Hillbillies DVD collection. Sandra bought a Bee Gees video documentary. Sandra coined the term, pulling a Jonnie which refers to impulsively purchasing something which is only marginally interesting, but exceptionally cheap; and which will most likely be enjoyed one time, then will ultimately be mailed to Boz.

Addendum - We each bought a 2GB flash drive for only $15 each. On our morning commute to work, we always see a guy with a license plate which reads, "[heart] 2 YIFF". Sandra looked up "yiffing" online and discovered it is a slang term for fucking. KROQ morning personality, Lisa May, got a double "g-shot" from a vaginal rejuvination plastic surgeon. He injected two vials of silicone under her g-spot, which raised it up quite a bit. Now it's really easy to hit. Jonnie switched to an "anti-poof" formula hair care product. We purchased a Hewlett-Packard notebook which is at least 5 times more powerful than Jonnie's old PC which he has been using since 1998.

Any questions?

German Vacation, A Full Account - Day 9

2007-03-26T06:14:00.000-07:00

Back to America

When we woke up the next morning, our first order of business was to finish packing. One bag seemed overweight, so we brought down the scale, converted between pounds and kilos, made some adjustments, and ended up with both bags weighing in at just under their 50 lb. weight limit.

Actually, we planned to return with our bags packed to the limit, so Sandra made the 50 lbs to kilos conversion even before we left the U.S. We packed remarkably light when we left the U.S., but returned with about 99 pounds of stuff (mostly from Globus).

We congratulated ourselves on taking care of this now, rather than having to repack at the airport.

Frau Thum drove us to the Koblenz train station, then we stopped to enjoy a coffee (Sandra had chocolate milk) until it was time to head to our train platform.

While we were waiting for the train to Frankfurt, Jonnie got to see his first group of European football hooligans. As one train stopped and opened its doors, the air was filled with drunken singing, then about 30 kids came pouring out of the train, each drinking from a bottle of beer and singing all the way down the bus platform. Jonnie loves public singing, and public singing is yet another reason he loves Germany. He almost certainly would have become a Football Hooligan if he had grown up in Europe.

Our train ride went smoothly. The tracks followed the Rhine for quite some time, so we got to see more castles -

Castle Ruins.

Castle in a Lake.

Rainbow.

At the Frankfurt Airport, we learned it was 8 degrees below zero in Chicago (our destination), but the flight was not currently being re-routed. We checked in and hoped for the best.

Our flight Captain announced himself as "Capt. Kent Marburger" and Sandra flinched.

9 hours later (but after the time change, it was only 3 hours later), we arrived in Chicago. Jonnie had a blinding headache. Sandra sat foot in the American midwest for the first time and decided to try McDonalds' Shamrock Shake. Jonnie had a burrito from Burrito Beach. Then we just waited for our flight back to Orange County, California.

That flight went very smoothly. Jonnie slept pretty much straight through.

We landed successfully, then took a cab home. Tomorrow we would pick up Stanley Wood from the cat sitter.

Supplemental -

Hanni emailed a few supplemental photos last week (Danke Hanni!):

Here is the torture chamber which was closed for renovations during our tour of the castle -

Stretching machine.
Sandra also informed me about another medieval torture method: they put rats onto the bare bellies of people, put a cage over the rat and something to eat for the (starving) rat outside the cage so the rat would smell it and chew their way through the the person's guts to get at the food.

Here is proof that the castle cannons are aimed directly at Sandra's and Hanni's houses -

And here is something Jonnie did not get to see -

It's a trackless train which runs during the summer and takes tourists through Braubach and all the way up to the castle. Jonnie plans to ride that on his next visit.

Summary - Germany offers all the comforts and conveniences which can be found in America at comparable (or more affordable) prices and without the Jesus Freaks.

German Vacation, A Full Account - Day 8, Part 2

2007-03-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

Eck-Fritz

For our final German dinner, Frau Thum treated us to oxen steaks at an eatery which has been in business since 1597. Of course there have been renovations since then. It is a place of business, not a museum. There is no inconvenient need to maintain authenticity for its own sake. I'm sure the kitchen has been upgraded a time or two; but still, this place was older than Jonnie's country.

Jonnie had wanted to visit a pre-1700 public house all week and our chance had finally come. The incredible thing is that there are so many pre-1700 establishments to choose from in Braubach. We trusted Frau Thum's judgement, which we had no reason to doubt, and she led us through the winding streets of Braubach straight to the doorstep of Eck-Fritz -

Eck-Fritz.

Established in 1597.
Frau Thum knew the cook here and he cooked an exceptional oxen steak. The pattern of German dinners getting better and better each evening had persisted throughout the entire vacation.

Eck-Fritz seemed somewhat stark and intimidating from the outside, but as soon as we stepped inside, it was a very warm and comforting place to be, just like the Germans themselves.

Jonnie loved the creaking board floors and the shelves full of ancient decorated bottles and knick-knacks which surrounded the room. He looked at them throughout the evening. It gave him something to do while everybody was speaking German. The tables and chairs had little heart-shaped holes cut in them, which was a nice touch -

Eck-Fritz Dining Furniture.

The coolest feature was the presence of faint wall-paintings all around the room. Who knows how old they were?

Classical dining scene and text.

They didn't mind sticking a stereo speaker over this one. There are plenty of others to look at. The text reads In Vino Veritas, which literally translates to Truth in Wine -

Truth in Wine.

The main roof beams were heavily ornamented as well -

Roof beams of Eck-Fritz.

Our waitress was in her late 60s, but had recently run the New York marathon. She is going back to run it again in 2010, when she is 70.

The oxen steaks were served with grilled onions and a bowl of fried potatoes. They were out of this world -

Frau Thum with oxen steak.

After dinner were the complimentary shots, then back home to pack for our flight back to the U.S. We would head to the train station the next morning.

German Vacation, A Full Account - Day 8, Part 1

2007-03-24T06:42:00.000-07:00

Maximillian's

Day 8, our final full day in Germany, began with a visit from Hanni & Xian for breakfast - meats, cheeses, rolls (some of which contained curry wurst), coffee, and juice. There is no better way to start the day.

"Guten Morgen"!
Frau Thum also provided colored eggs, or Eier, each of which was decorated by a sticker with an Eier related pun printed on it. For example, one may say, An Ei for an Ei. (Ei is one egg, Eier is the plural - eggs). When you call an egg an Ei, it rhymes with eye as well as I, so the list of potential puns really becomes enormous -

Ei of the needle.
Ei of the hurricane.
Ei wanna rock.
The Evil Ei.
If thine Ei offend thee, cut it out.
Ei-M-C-A

Since Eier is one of the few German words which Jonnie understands perfectly, and since these slogans were physically attached to eggs; there was almost no chance that Jonnie would misunderstand these egg puns. He felt clever for the first time since he sat foot in Germany.

During this time, Jonnie was able to get a picture of Sandra's and Hanni's early years. They apparently used to strip Ken dolls naked and take turns throwing them at a target they drew above a barrel of water. Scandalous.

Other topics of discussion included our local Santa Ana Ghetto Bird and the prevalence of religious fundamentalism in the U.S. Hanni expressed some disbelief at stories she had heard about biology textbooks being banned in various U.S. states. Jonnie assured her this was not at all uncommon in the U.S. and he could offer no explanation aside from the fact that we just have a lot of Jesus freaks which politicians are always thinking they have to appease. That was another thing Jonnie really loved about Germany, the lack of Jesus freaks.

After breakfast, we went to see Hanni & Xian's new apartment which is currently being renovated. They were replacing floors and ceilings and carrying out all sorts of heavy duty construction work over there, the payoff being that they will have a beautiful two story apartment with a spacious outdoor balcony for considerably less rent per month than what we are paying for a much more modest living arrangement in California's OC.

We plan to visit their guestroom in the future.

In the afternoon, Frau Thum took us on a lovely scenic tour, which included a stop at Maximillian's, a castle-shaped brewery which contained a full-blown German beer hall.

Maximillian's.
While Jonnie sampled a couple of the local brews, Sandra opted for Malz Bier which is a non-alcoholic beer often used as a sports drink in Germany, as the carbs result in an energy boost.

America does have a couple of non-alcoholic beers, but they mimic the flavor of crappy beer while Malz Bier is delicious.

Sandra Nursing a Malz Bier.
Once they brought out the pretzels, Jonnie was feeling pretty German. I think the beer hall environment had something to do with it.

A Fully Germanized Jonnie.
Those orange lights over Jonnie's shoulder in the above photo are actually groups of beer mugs hanging from the ceiling and reflecting light. Beer mugs were hanging from the ceiling all over the place! Jonnie loved that.

When Jonnie went to the Maximillian's public restroom, the doors were not marked as Herr and Fraulein. They used different words entirely. Jonnie wasn't sure which was the men's and which was the women's, so he had to guess. He mentally tossed a coin and walked into one. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it) it was the men's. He guessed correctly.

Something else worth mentioning - Maximillian's restroom had a toilet mounted halfway up the wall, at about chest level. The wall also had handles attached on each side of the toilet, so patrons can have something to hold on to while they're throwing up. haha.

On our way back home, we stopped to feed the ducks (which was quite entertaining) and then we revisited Globus one last time to pick out a flower arrangement for Granny.

Tonight, the trip would culminate with oxen steaks at an eatery which has been in business since the 1500s!

German Vacation, A Full Account - Day 5-7

2007-03-23T05:42:00.000-07:00

Schlachterplatte

The next few days of our German vacation will be related with a little more of a summary perspective. Since we didn't take very many photos or notes during Days 5-7, I thought this would be a good point to condense.

That is not to suggest Days 5-7 were not packed with delightful novelty, because they were. It's just that these posts have been running long and something should be done about it.

Whereas Days 1-4 served as an introduction to Braubach, Days 5-7 were a taste of daily life. The novelty factor had worn off enough for Jonnie to function adequately (or as adequately as one can function without knowing the language).

Breakfast

Day 5 - metwurst, which at first looked to Jonnie like raw hamburger. Metwurst though, is just ground wurst and Jonnie found it delicious.

Day 6 - Various cheeses and meats with an assortment of breads. This is the German breakfast which Jonnie had come to love and which Sandra loved already.

Day 7 - Sandra drove Jonnie out to a vendor who sold delicious curry wurst. Curry wurst was Germany's #1 fast food before doenner came along and I really wish I took a photo of it because it would lift my spirits just to look at it again. Delicious sliced wurst in curry sauce on a pile of french fries. Out of this world. We topped the occasion off by sharing a small order of kidney goulash. This was the same food stand that Sandra used to visit as a schoolgirl. It is still there. Sandra also showed Jonnie the phonebooth where her and Hanni were flashed as children.

Sandra: It isn't too uncommon to get flashed in Germany.
Jonnie: I'll laugh if somebody flashes us.
Sandra: We probably won't get flashed. It's usually just girls who get flashed.
Jonnie: Can I flash somebody?
Sandra: No.

The first thing we did after breakfast on Day 5 was visit Aldi. There are a number of Aldis scattered around America. There was one in the midwestern town where Jonnie grew up, but Aldi is a German chain. The Aldi brothers are among the richest people in the world and their no-frills shopping system keeps prices low for consumers all over the planet. As good as Globus' prices were, Aldi put them to shame. A person could live very well on very little if they had a German Aldi located nearby.

During Days 5-7, Sandra and Jonnie paid visits to various Braubach residents and family friends. Everybody was wonderful, which surprised Jonnie quite a bit as he was under the impression that Germans were a very mean people. This impression was supported by numerous accounts of Germans hating to wait in line, always frowning at people, hating children, banging their shopping carts into other peoples' shopping carts etc. While these accounts are all true, everybody we visited was delightful.

So there is a big difference between how Germans behave in the public sphere compared to how they behave in private. Jonnie was fortunate enough to encounter them in the private sphere because Sandra had the hook-up.

It can also be generalized from these days of visiting acquaintances, that Germans have a very loose relationship to alcohol; which was very refreshing. Alcohol is inexpensive and everybody drinks a little frequently. As opposed to America where there is a moral stigma and people tend to drink occasionally, but to excess.

Everywhere we went, even if (actually, especially if) we were visiting an elderly woman, our hosts would insist on us having a drink of wine or whiskey. It was so great!

Dinner

Granny with the Schlachterplatte.
Day 5 - As a thoughtful means for introducing Jonnie to the overwhelming selection of German sausages, Sandra's Uncle made a German butcher's plate, or Schlachterplatte. It was a sampling of Germany's numerous sausages swimming in the most delicious sauerkraut Jonnie ever tasted. Jonnie has always loved sauerkraut, but never tasted anything this delicious. The Germans use wine in their sauerkraut preparation.

While the Weis Wurst exploded in the oven, one survived for Jonnie to sample. Weis Wurst is a Bavarian sausage served with a specialized mustard which was just incredible. Also present in the platter were Brats, Neuremburgers, Blood Wurst, and I don't know what all. The Schlachterplatte was a great introduction to German sausages and a great idea on the part of Sandra's uncle, who is somewhat famous for his exceptional cooking skills.

Day 6 - We dined with family friends, Sabine and Paul, at their home. Sabine made a traditional German dish called Rolla Rolla which was just unbelievably delicious. Again, we should've taken photos, but we were distracted by the fine dining. The Rolla Rolla was served with Kleusse, red cabbage, and a fine beer from Cologne. We stayed late and had a great time. There were some very animated discussions that night, and Jonnie was amused and entertained; even while having no idea what was being said or what was going on.

Day 7 - Sandra's uncle really out-did himself for this meal - Germany's famous Sauerbratten! Jonnie had heard all about Sauerbratten from Sandra and couldn't wait to have a taste. Sauerbratten is an extremely tender roast, which marinates for days in a mysterious substance mixed with wine. Again, no pictures, even though we brought the camera with us. It was too delicious for photography to even cross our minds. Actually, it was Granny's assignment to prepare the Sauerbratten, but she talked Sandra's uncle into preparing it instead. The dinner party also shared a bottle of a local Braubach wine and Jonnie was amazed how the meals just get better and better everyday in Germany.

Other Misc. Observations

1. While American cats tend to have longer, pointier ears; German cats tend to have shorter, more rounded ears.

Micky.
2. Watching The A-Team dubbed into German will make a person fall asleep almost instantly, even though it is hilarious. This creates the rare experience of drifting into a deep sleep while simultaneously laughing out loud.

3. Germany's Top Model with Heidi Klum is Ten Times better than America's Top Model with Tyra Banks.

Less summary posts, complete with action-packed photos will resume with Day 8.

German Vacation, A Full Account - Day 4

2007-03-18T07:48:00.000-07:00

Koblenz

This day began with breakfast at the Cafe Marksburg -

Cafe Marksburg.
Located on the street directly below the Marksburg Castle, this cafe is one of Frau Thum's favorite hangouts and I can see why, because it is delightful.

Jonnie came to love the German-style breakfast more-or-less immediately: Coffee, a little bit of orange juice, an optional chocolate milk, and then a tray of rolls and a tray of meat slices and cheeses which can be mixed and matched at will.

Jonnie had heard Sandra talk about the quality of German meats and cheeses, but he thought she must be exaggerating; after all, how much flavor could a cold cut have? Well, a German cold cut has quite a lot of flavor. And at a much lower cost. And that goes double for the cheese.

This breakfast also included a hard boiled egg. And here's another difference between America and Germany - American egg yolks are more yellow while German egg yolks are more orange. While this may seem very trivial in the abstract, it is momentous when you are actually eating an egg. At first, Jonnie thought it must be under cooked or perhaps there was some blood in the yolk until he remembered that Sandra noted this difference on her first visit to America. She initially thought American yellow yolk eggs must be rancid.

After breakfast, Sandra drove us to the city of Koblenz for some shopping. Before visiting the commercial district though, we stopped by the German Corner.

The German Corner is the point where the Rhine and the Mosel rivers merge. It is marked by an enormous monumental representation of Kaiser Wilhelm.

Enormous Kaiser Wilhelm Monument.
This is Jonnie (marked by the red circle) standing at the foot of the Kaiser Wilhelm monument for scale. It really is enormous. Which is fitting for the man who united a ton of diverse quarreling tribes into one coherent nation.

Jonnie and Sandra at the German Corner.
Just to the right of Kaiser Wilhelm's Memorial, and across the river, we could see the hospital where Sandra was born -

The hospital where Sandra was born.
[Note - What is circled is not actually the hospital where Sandra was born. It is actually an insurance company. It marks the place where the hospital is located, although the actual hospital is not visible from the German Corner.]

Then it was off to the Koblenz commercial district -

Koblenz Commercial District.
Braubach really is perfectly located. It's a small town with undisturbed historical architecture which has a larger bustling city nearby, so you can have your cake and eat it too. Koblenz really has an incredible mall.

Koblenz is also the home of Sandra's famous gummy store. The quality of these German engineered gummies is unsurpassed by anything in the U.S. American gummies are kind of crappy and are marketed mainly to children, while these gummies incorporate real fruit and contain no chemical additives. Little gummy, Big flavor.

The gummy store!
Sandra has sent me gummies from this store through the mail and it was wonderful to see where they actually came from. We went in and bought a few bags.

There also was a place called, Shakes Beer.
We thought that was pretty funny -

Shakes Beer.

The famous "little spitter" statue is located in Koblenz. It is a statue of kid who shoots passing pedestrians with a stream of water which flies horizontally out of his mouth at random intervals. Unfortunately, the spitter was not spitting this day, so Jonnie felt brave enough to stand directly in the danger zone and take a full frontal photograph.

The Little Spitter of Koblenz, photographed from the danger zone.

Whoever designed the Little Spitter fountain is a genius.

As we entered the gigantic Koblenz mall, Jonnie had his first Doenner. Doenner is Germany's #1 fast food and it is similar to a gyro. Very delicious. Jonnie was immediately addicted.

Jonnie's first doenner.
After some shopping, we returned home to Braubach. There was still some time before we were due at Hanni's for dinner. Knowing we would probably post about this trip on our blog, we thought we would pass the time by making a Wii representation of Boz.

Boz Mii.

Boz VS Elisa on the baseball diamond.

Then we commenced with the boxing.

Jonnie Victorious.

Sandra's Knock Out Punch.

Soon it was time for dinner at Hanni's. Hanni whipped up a southwest style baked dish with tiramisu for desert and everything was delicious. Hanni and Xian both speak very good English, so this was the first meal where Jonnie could vaguely understand what was going on. Jonnie also had his first dose of basalt liquor, which comes in a handsome crockery bottle. We were going to bring one back as a souvineer, but figured it would likely break in our luggage if we did.

We made a date to meet again for breakfast on Friday morning, then were off to bed.

Tomorrow we would visit Aldi's!

German Vacation, A Full Account - Day 3, Part 2

2007-03-17T08:14:00.000-07:00

Wii, the People

Q: How do you follow up a visit to a German Castle?
A: Frau Thum's brand new Wii system!

Neither of us were familiar with the Nintendo Wii at the time, but now we both are and we want one of our own.

Nintendo's Wii takes video gaming to the next level, as the hip-hoppers say. It takes video gaming into another dimension, as the comic books say. There are two huge differences between the Nintendo Wii and traditional video gaming systems -

1. Customized Characters

The game console contains software for designing your own characters (called Miis) through a menu on your television screen. Choose a head shape, choose some eyes, choose a hair-do, add a beard or whatever you want; then when you're finished, you've designed a custom character (Mii). You can make as many Miis as you want, then when you put in a game disc, you can choose which Mii you want to use in the game.

Here are ours:

Sandra Mii.

Jonnie Mii.

Frau Thum Mii - Wally is the informal usage of her proper name, Waltraud.

And, even though she had no interest in playing Wii, we made a character for Granny too:

Granny Mii.

So instead of playing a game as Mario or Pac-Man or whoever, you can play as yourself. Frau Thum had the sports game and we had a blast trying our hands at various sports:

Baseball Sandra.

Boxing Jonnie.

Golf Sandra.
2. Motion Detection Controllers

Instead of the traditional joystck or button pad, Wii uses motion detection technology. You physically swing as if you were really golfing and your onscreen character does whatever you do. If you swing the bat too soon, you miss the ball. If you're holding your tennis racket all cockeyed, you will hit the ball out of bounds. If you don't throw your bowling ball straight, it will miss the pins. When you're boxing, if you don't hold a hand up to block your opponents punches, you will be knocked out in no time.

So when Jonnie was boxing onscreen, he actually looked like this in the real world:

Real Boxing Jonnie.
Yay, Wii!
Five stars.
No negatives.

For dinner, Frau Thum made a delicious lamb goulash, which we miss even more than the Wii. It was out of this world.

Earlier in the day, we briefly met Hanni and her brand-new husband Xian. This was a genuine pleasure, because Hanni and Sandra are practically sisters. They grew up next door to each other and spent most of their early days together. So, Jonnie had met the person who is, essentially, his sister-in-law. Sandra and Hanni were married about a month apart and in two completely different countries. While each would've normally attended each others' weddings, circumstances prevented it. Sandra could not travel out of the country until her U.S. resident status was approved, while Hanni was overwhelmed with her own wedding arrangements, making a trip to America impossible at that time. So this was their first meeting as married women. As Fraus!

Tomorrow, we would visit Koblenz for a little shopping; then in the evening, we would meet Sandra's lifelong friend Hanni for dinner.

German Vacation, A Full Account - Day 3, Part 1

2007-03-14T21:05:00.000-07:00

Marksburg Castle

Jonnie woke up at about 4:00am again and couldn't get back to sleep. Fortunately, The Ali G Show came on in English with German subtitles, so he could just kick back and watch it. Unfortunately, his cries of joy woke up Sandra; who, while certainly an Ali G fan, was not thrilled to be awake at such an early hour.

We ultimately fell back asleep and woke up at 11:00 again. Today was our visit to Marksburg castle and we were eager to begin. Sandra informs me that some of the castle cannons are pointed directly at her and Hanni's houses. If you stand behind the cannon and look straight out from the center of its barrel, Hanni's and Sandra's houses (they're right next to each other) are what you will see. Their ancestors probably provoked it somehow.

Marksburg Castle (background) and Hanni's house (foreground).
After a fine German breakfast, we were on our way. Frau Thum drove us up the mountain to the castle gate. The road up the mountain was exceptionally winding and narrow, much like German roads in general, except more so since this road was originally designed for travel by horseback.

Since we were touring during the off-season, there were no English language tour guides available; but with his complementary English guide map and Sandra as his interpreter, Jonnie felt confident he would be able to figure out what was going on.

Jonnie & Sandra at the Marksburg Castle.

Admission Ticket.
A pretty sizable crowd had gathered by the time our tour started. It was a pretty mixed group. Some kids, but not enough to be annoying. Lots of Germans and English with a number of Americans present as well.

Entering the castle.
The above photo was taken from the castle's 2nd gate. You can see the top of the next gate (the 3rd gate) is filled with a different color of stone around the edge. The original gate was wider so knights could ride through on their horses, but was made smaller in later years, making it easier to defend. Another notable feature of the 3rd gate is that it includes a small balcony from which boiling oil and tar could be dumped on top of undesirables.

Going through the 2nd gate and into the castle proper, we walked up a steep incline. The tour guide says that modern horses are unable to make it up; but medieval horses were larger and stronger as is evidenced by their huge horseshoes. Inside the castle proper, the family crests of all the castles' former owners were displayed, but Jonnie did not take a picture.

The castle is over 700 years old, dating back to the 1300s, and the first room we visited was the Great Battery. The Great Battery was added to the castle pretty recently in 1709 during the 30 Years War. It consists of a series of cannons facing the Rhine river so they could fight off a naval attack. The battery was also used to bombard passing merchant ships who did not pay a fee to use the riverway.

After the battery, we walked through the castle's winery -

Wine Cellar.
Apparently, the water was no good back in the day; so everybody would drink wine. About half a gallon per person per day, though the alcohol level was not what it is today. They estimate about 5% alcohol. That'll get you through the day.

Outside, in the Rheinzwinger, is the herb garden. In consists of about 170 medieval plants which are still faithfully cultivated today.

Herb garden.
Above the herb garden, attached to the side of a tower, is a wooden toilet chamber -

Medieval Outhouse.
The water pipe is not original, it has been added for preservation purposes, to prevent water erosion of the walls (probably).

Later we would see this same toilet from inside the castle. It was attached to the knights' Banquet Hall. They would sit on a hole, then their crap would fall along the tower into the herb garden below, where it would become fertilizer. Pretty efficient.

One thing which really shocked and awed me was the presence of an early refrigerator -

Stone Refrigerator.
I didn't catch a date on this feature, so I don't know exactly when it was added, but it was well before the advent of electricity and it stood right there in a banquet hall near the table, preserving perishable food. Our tour guide says huge blocks of ice were collected in the winter, then they were wrapped tightly in straw and elevated. This surprisingly kept ice available throughout the year.

The queen's bed chamber included wood paneling, to keep the heat in. Her bed included a covered canopy so lice would not fall on her from the ceiling. Everybody also took pains to keep the location of her chamber a secret. Our guide stated that people would sleep sitting up in medieval times because they held the opinion that laying down flat was only appropriate for the dead.

The most notable thing about this bed is its small size. As horses were bigger in medieval times, people were smaller. We probably would not know that if it weren't for artifacts like this castle.

Jonnie at the queen's bedside.
The Rittersaal (Great Dining Hall) was next. This is where the knights ate.

Rittersaal.

The Rittersaal includes a gigantic fireplace. One interesting thing about the table: the tabletop would detach from the table legs. Since the knights were discussing private matters, their meals were prepared on the table top in another location and then the whole table top, loaded with food, was carried into the dining hall where it was set to rest on the table legs.

The knights had their own outhouse (seen earlier from the herb garden). Here it is from the interior:

Toilet of heroes.
The door to this toilet room locked from the outside. In case somebody were to climb up through the sewage hole, they could be locked inside. I wonder how many hundreds of times the knights locked the new guy in the toilet room as a joke.

Next to the Rittersaal was the chapel, which includes some great wall paintings such as this one -

Chapel Wall Painting.
After the chapel we went up an extremely narrow corridor. I mean it was narrow -

Sandra navigates the narrow corridor.
The tour didn't visit the torture chamber this time, which was a little bit disappointing, but Jonnie was impressed enough with everything else that it didn't really matter to him. The torture chamber must've been going through renovations.

Next was the armory. It also included a piece of horse armor -

Horse Helmet.
Also present in the armory was a punitive belt which was placed on prostitutes who did not pay their taxes, preventing them from practicing their trade -

Punitive Prostitute Belt.
The armory contained numerous representations of armor throughout the ages; from ancient Greek and Roman attire through medieval platemail, but this is already an image heavy post, so I'll go straight to Jonnie's favorite armory item from any age: the helmet with gigantic horns -

I think the gigantically-horned helmet just beats all.

I would just freak out if I happened across somebody wearing a gigantically-horned helmet in the woods.

Jonnie in the Armory.

Jonnie in the Armory wearing a Gigantically-Horned Helmet.

As we left the castle, Jonnie was beside himself. He'd never seen such direct evidence of ancient history before. He has received almost all of his historical information from reading texts which is a whole different thing.

Back in the castle gift shop, we bought postcards; then on our way out, we noticed a document repository. It was open, so we went in to browse around.

Documents in a display case.
We were quite impressed with the document repository where you could buy fragments of medieval documents, from handwritten ancient manuscripts to early Guttenberg printing press texts. Each document comes with a certificate of authenticity and items can range from a random piece of text to a whole page or a woodcut illustration, all from original documents.

After visiting the castle, we took a scenic walk back home where we had a snack and wrote postcards.

German Vacation, A Full Account - Day 2, Part 2

2007-03-13T05:40:00.000-07:00

Globus and Gorganzola Pizza

Before the walking tour of Braubach (described in the last post), we began our day with a drive out to Globus, a local shopping center -

Globus.

Globus is a sprawling monster of a grocery store with multiple parking garages. It really is fantastic. Globus has multipe layers with escalators running at a lower incline than American escalators, so you can take your shopping cart with you to the other levels.

And speaking of shopping carts: The superiority of German shopping cars can not be denied.

First off, the ones at Globus had a little wire shelf for storing things that may otherwise get crushed in the larger basket -

Superior Shopping Carts of Germany.

German carts drove a lot smoother as well, they were not rickety in the least, and they could turn on a dime. Very high performance machines compared to American shopping carts. There were no creaking wheels. They were an absolute pleasure to drive.

There are no shopping carts cluttering German parking lots either. Customers pay a 1 euro deposit for their cart, then the euro is refunded once the cart is neatly stacked in line with the other carts. This keeps costs down as they don't have to pay anybody to gather shopping carts from the parking lot all day.

But shopping carts were not Globus' only strong point. There was also the fine selection of cheeses and wurst -

A fine selection of wurst.
Finally, there is the issue of value. German prices put American prices to shame. I have no idea why crap is so expensive in America. I had no idea things were expensive until I compared with Germany.

Everything at the grocery store was cheaper, most notably fruit juices; which were usually organic with no chemical additives and very few preservatives, priced at under $1 per liter.

Healthy juices cost about what a 2 liter of soda costs us. Healthy food was as inexpensive in Germany as junk food is in America. No idea why.

The other big difference was beer. A 12 bottles of high quality beer would cost around $5 or less.

Also, Mr. Clean goes by the name Meister Proper over there -

Meister Proper.
We bought a lot of spices and seasonings which are cheap and light weight. When added to american food, we'll be able to crank out all sorts of German dishes. One of our personal favorites is German salad dressing. It comes as an envelope of seasonings which is added to a little oil which results in the greatest salad flavor I've ever experienced. 6 packets for about 60 cents. We bought a ton of them as we've found nothing comparable in the U.S.

We also picked up Pflumli plum spread which is a nice snack to spread on bread. Also some kinder chocolate and a couple of Germany's famous kinder eggs as well as 6 bottles of high quality Hefeweizen for just a few euros.

One more note, Germany is big on selling chocolate with liquor in it, and I think that's wonderful. Chocolate filled with rum is one of life's great pleasures. As for why liquor filled candy is not readily available in America, I'm blaming the Puritan heritage again, even though it's impossible to get drunk off of rum-filled chocolate.

After our visit to Globus, we received a call from Sandra's uncle, inviting us for coffee and cake later in the afternoon. Jonnie thought that was such a pleasant gesture and couldn't wait for cake time.

We drove back to Braubach; passing a store called Loser on the way. "Loser" is a normal German name apparently, but it amused Jonnie to see the word painted in large letters over a guy's shop.

After unpacking our loot, we met with Sandra's uncle for cake and coffee. Jonnie got to meet the entire family, and while he did not understand a word of what was said, he enjoyed himself immensely. It was wonderful to meet everybody and the cake was delicious.

After cake, Sandra and Jonnie commenced on the walking tour of Braubach described in the last post. After that, Frau Thum treated us to dinner at Laguna Pizza, which we thought was a fine name since we were married on California's Laguna Beach. Laguna Pizza is where Sandra gets her famous Pizza Chef - a delicious salami and pepper pizza featuring our beloved gorganzola cheese.

But before dinner, Frau Thum remembered that she needed to pick up some lamb from Globus, so we got to go back; which was great because Jonnie was already missing Globus. On our second trip, we went to the butchers' counter and Frau Thum asked for some kinder wurst. Apparently, the butcher will give a piece of wurst to children as a treat. They gave us huge fist sized pieces since we are huge children and it was very enjoyable.

On our way to Laguna Pizza, we passed the sign that said Loser again; and it amused Jonnie as much as it did the first time.

The Pizza Chef totally lived up to Jonnie's expectations. It was delicious. Another great thing about German restaurants is that after you've eaten, they offer you a complementary shot of liquor, "to help with the digestion". Laguna Pizza gave us a shot of amaretto.

Then back home to bed. Tomorrow we would tour the Marksburg Castle.