Our Man in Hanoi

a gentle nudge

2006-07-07T18:37:00.000+07:00

I notice on Bloglines that 30 people still subscribe to this blog via rss/atom.

Just thought I should tell you all to turn over to the new home of my blog at: www.ourmaninhanoi.com

See you there. One day I'll close this blog down.

Then what'll you do?

Huh?

Moving House

2006-04-16T11:31:00.002+07:00

I'm moving. You can catch me from here on in at www.ourmaninhanoi.com

I got tired of Blogspot constantly being blocked in Vietnam. Here's hoping my new landlords Typepad don't go the same way.

Then again if it is blocked for you then you can't even read this.

Ah you'll work it out.

If you've linked me, sorry to be a pain in the arse but can you change your links. This blog will remain here but all new posts will be at the new site.

By the way, does anyone know a way of switching all the comments made to date here to the new site?

Hitting the Wall. Hitting Phu Quoc

2006-04-10T10:41:00.000+07:00

At around 4pm last Sunday I hit the wall.

All the hardwork that had gone into staging graduation, all of the emotion, all of the pressure that it takes to work as a volunteer came to a head.

Add in the flaring up and almost instantaneous fizzling out of yet another disastrous fledging romance. Stir into the mix the claustrophobic Hanoi ex-pat village and I was ready to burst.

I had realised I hadn't been myself for a while. The smallest incidents at work were provoking near internal combustion. In my own time I was finding it increasingly hard to balance the pressures, importance and emotional stress that was my day time existence with the expat trappings of Hanoi life.

VSO told us that when we return we'll find it hard to adjust. Suddenly affluence will annoy us. Waste will infuriate. The shallowness of modern living will grate on us.

I guess for me it just happened while I was here. I wouldn't deny anybody anything and my expat excesses are no better or worse than most. But it's still a strange adjustment from the stories of struggle at work, to the stories of tailors, beauty salons, French pastries, wine and luxury spas outside.

So anyway, meltdown swept over me. With the new KOTO due to become reality in summer and with graduation over, it seemed like I had to get away now. Certainly without the break I wouldn't be in any shape to complete the vital upcoming work.

So with a shaky, cracking voice I rang my boss and she gave the permission. Two hours later I had booked a flight to the most laid back, quietest, least pressured place I could think of in Vietnam. Phu Quoc Island. I left 5am the next morning.

I stayed at the Mango Bay Resort. I had heard it was THE place to relax. The rumours were true. It was beautiful. The staff were friendly, the resort spacious, the wildlife fantastic. It's an eco resort and it's $15 rooms feel like $50 worth. Cheap enough for backpackers, good enough for anyone. Just beautiful. I will be back. I can't recommend it highly enough.

And so for five days I got my head back into shape. Staring at sunsets, swimming in the sea, devouring books.

I met and hung out with Claudia, by chance a VSOer in the making. She's quit her job and is just waiting for news of her postings. She's crossing her fingers for Vietnam.

Poor girl. I probably bored her senseless as I praised Vietnam but talked through the other pressures she can expect. She had done the excellent VSO Preparing for Changes course. They cover all of these ups and downs. I must admit, when I was in that same classroom I thought it would never happen to me.

I did promise her it would be the best time of her life. And I meant it.

But anyway. I got my head straight. I know what makes me happy. What makes me happy comes down to two things - Vietnam and my work. All the rest is a distraction. Now I need to find a way that I can maximise the positives and reduce the negatives. And to find a way of living with that Hanoi Expat Village claustrophobia.

Last night I said goodbye to a volunteer who had been in Hanoi for two and a half years. She was sad to go. She told me that in Hanoi she had been happier than ever before. She also told me that sometimes she had been her at her most miserable. And that's just the way it is. When the highs are higher the lows are inevitably lower.

And today, back at KOTO, I'm happy, relaxed and ready to work hard. And that should be the end of it.

But I can't help thinking back to a course we put on for the KOTO kids. "Dealing with Stress" it was called and it wasn't a huge success.

Why?

Because Vietnamese people have no concept of stress. They work hard. They shoulder unbelievable burdens. The KOTO kids manage to thrive despite earlier lives of unbelievable hardship and current lives with promise but little in the way of luxury.

So why do we, pampered westerners get burnt out? Why do we spend so much of our time analysing everything, navel gazing and over emoting?

It shames me. And I can't work it out. Once again, us volunteers who are here to teach, have so much to learn and so much to be thankful for.

But I'm back and ready for anything KOTO can throw at me. There will be a few adjustments in my social life. Pus a few slightly new directions and a few more deep breaths and "calm, calm, calm" thoughts.

But I'm cool. I may even be getting the hang of all this.

More Phu Quoc pics here.

The Process Complete.

2006-03-31T15:28:00.000+07:00

So last night was the big one. The Graduation ceremony for class six.

KOTO well wishers numbered around 500, they came they clapped, they cheered and a few shed tears too.

It was a lavish affair that beffitted the kids' achievements. Pop stars, choirs, pyrotechnics, falling balloons, specially scored music, specially made films etc etc etc. It was all in their honour.

Did I cry? No, well not really. I welled up frequently. I took several moments at several times to compose myself. I hugged, I reassured - I stole KOTO posters from the walls to sneak to the graduates as souvenirs. I didn't say goodbye. I know they won't be able to stay away. I won't see them as often. But I will see them.

Because, like all the times at KOTO when the moment becomes overwhelming, it's only later that I try to put in context my emotions.

And the emotion isn't sadness. It's not quite happiness either. To best explain it I think I would have to say it's the process of being humbled.

The KOTO kids are a reflection of the country they are from. They've had it tough. They've had to fight. They've given their all and worked hard without complaints. And some how they have turned out magnificently.

It is that which is truly humbling.

Another volunteer said goodbye today and I reflectd on the goodbyes I will be giving in nine months. Emotionally I can't imagine getting through that. Because while you build ties with the kids they ultimately come and go. The staff that I have worked with since the start are remarkable and they have been my constant in this big KOTO family.

Today I am just so proud to be a part of it.

* The pic above is one of my own - a KOTO graduate with his proud family visiting from their countryside home. Expect more pics soon from the pro photgrapher at the event.

Emotion Building

2006-03-30T00:59:00.000+07:00

It's late and I'm lying awake pondering the KOTO Class Six Graduation.

On Monday I helped out with art class - the kids are painting pictures for the new restaurant. They told me that Tuesday would be their last day in the current KOTO.

I got up early to catch them for breakfast. They queued up to ceremonially make me their last banana pancakes, orange juice and cappucino.

The rest of the day was not so fun. I had a million Powerpoint slides to do for the big night and the end was never in sight. It started early, it finished very late.

But Wednesday was better. G-day minus one and things were falling into place. The morning was a little tense though. Some of my late night Powerpointing was not being unduly praised and I took it badly. I was huffing and puffing around the office trying not to take my stress out on my colleagues who are all too serene, Vietnamese and beautiful to understand my moods.

And then Miss Lung came into the office. One of the soon-to-be-graduates. I heard her talking to a colleague as I tried my best to concentrate on my long over due work. Just as I was assuming the position of hands-on-ears-trying-to-type-with-elbows, I felt arms around my neck.

Then I felt tears against my cheek. Miss Lung doesn't want to leave KOTO. I don't want her to leave either. I'll miss her and class six. But I know that wherever she works they'll love here. She's a star - this amazing confident young woman who 18 months ago barely had the confidence to raise a whisper.

Then later the banner I had designed was delivered. It's huge. I had included pictures of all the trainees on it. They knew nothing about it and it was unfurled with surpise and appreciation. Watching them looking forward to their big day, and feeling proud of the special occasion we are creating for them, was incredible.

I finished at a respectable 9pm. Everything appears to be in hand. I would have got away sooner but for all the cigarrette breaks where I dissappeared to supress the lump in my throat and blink away the watery eyes. It's been that kind of day. The emotion is building.

Now it's 1am on g-day and I am realising there will be no hiding place. Crying in public seems slightly scarey right now, but I can't imagine avoiding it.

Pic of Lung, Chien and Hien - all graduating tonight and saying goodbye to KOTO.

Up, up into the Mountains

2006-03-27T12:38:00.000+07:00

It seems incredible to think that I have been in Vietnam for over a year and a half and this weekend was my first trip to Sapa.

It's not always easy to get away and when I can the beach so often calls.

I loved it. And I'll be back. Once the stresses of KOTO Graduation are over with I itend to return for a long weekend. What I'd really love is an isolated cabin. Does anyone know of such things in Sapa? I know that cabin, huts and bungalows are rare in Vietnam - it's a shame. The concept of "roughing it" hasn't really caught on.

Anyway, the pics didn't come out too well because most of the time we were surrounded by clouds. But Sapa is beautiful. Not just the mountains which I had already seen on a million postcards, but also the town and it's people.

Photoset here if you want to see some more shots.

Download Burn and Ride

2006-03-24T09:57:00.000+07:00

Inspired by this short post by the Pieman about the joys of flying around Vietnam on the front or back of a motorbike I was moved to put together the ultimate in xe-om listening.

The pic above is my regular driver who hangs out on Quang Trung.

Anyway, I've discovered my 15 minute trip to work in the morning is greatly enhanced by music. So, here is a CD's worth of tracks below that I find work best for this purpose. Download, burn and ride.

NB Probably not suitable if you are driving yourself - you'll need your one, two, three four, five - senses working oooovvver time.

1. Another Travellin' song - Bright Eyes
2. The Revolution with not be Televised - Gil Scot Heron
3. Visions of You - Jah Wobble/Sinead O' Connor
4. I'm the Man - Joe Jackson
5. Reason is Treason - Kasabian
6. Open Up - Leftfield and John Lydon
7. Motorcycle Emptiness - Manic Street Preachers
8. Holes - Mercury Rev
9. Irish Blood, English Heart - Morrissey
10. La La Love You - Pixies
11. Acquiesce - Oasis
12. 2+2=5 - Radiohead
13. Which Way is Out - Razorlight
14. Coz I Love You - Slade
15. Teenage Riot - Sonic Youth
16. Alternative Ulster - Stiff Little Fingers
17. Pyscho Killer - Talking Heads
18. Lonely Soul - U.N.K.L.E

The First Goodbye

2006-03-23T15:15:00.000+07:00

Expect much much more on this. But next Thursday is our KOTO class six graduation.

Last night was the kind of unnoffical staff goodbye to them. First off hotpot/lau followed by the inevitable karaoke session.

With graduation plans still being put in place, I'm manic right now and will write in greater depth on it all after the event. Suffice to say, I have been around these kids for 18 months and have watched them grow from being a rag tag bunch of street kids into the beautiful, confident adults they are today.

I can only say, without any hesitation, that I would be proud to have any last one of them as a young brother/sister, son or daughter. They are remarkable human beings.

Celebrating their achievements, and contemplating their departure, is going to be a massive mix of emotions.

If you want to see some very happy kids from last night then look here. Not sure if this will work (let me know) but there is a short film of them arriving on their bikes for karaoke too. You'll find that here. I'm in the pic above, I'll let you guess which one is me.

* Update - Have been told that the film works but took five minutes on adsl. Probably best not to bother if you're on dial up. I am sure there is a way of making it smaller but god knows how.

A bit of balance

2006-03-09T14:16:00.000+07:00

I wanted to write this piece...and add it straight away to balance the last entry.

Last weekend I was invited to a countryside wedding. The bride and groom were both KOTO graduates. They both now work in the hospitality industry.

We boarded the mini bus and, as is traditional, there were parties at both the bride and groom's house. Having eaten and rice wined at the grooms we set off to see the bride.

She was looking amazing and was surrounded by family in her modest countryside home. Our group of KOTO volunteers were given seats of honour as the family gathered round us.

Then the mother of the bride started to speak. She told us, via a translator how proud she was of her daughter. Who would have thought it? Her daughter, working at the Hilton. She wanted to thank us all. She was in tears. And then we were in tears.

So there. That's it. The balance. The young girl from the countryside building a career serving ex-pats and tourists. The ends justifty the means.

Doesn't it?

Yet more stuff about ex-pats

2006-03-09T13:21:00.000+07:00

You've seen it in the movies. Year of Living Dangerously, Passage to India, The Killing Fields, Godfather 2 to name but a few.

The setting is somewhere far flung and tropical. The camera shows the streets. Sweltering and dusty. Then it cuts to the local people, huddled in their homes or on street corners. They look dangerously thin and obviously malnourished.

Then it cuts again. To an Embassy, a bar or hotel.

Waiters aside, it's full of over fed, very drunk white people. They're giving the waiters a hard time.

Then the film cuts again. The malnourished people are in frame once more. As the camera zooms in, it becomes obvious that there must be a famine or perhaps they are victims of war. Sometimes they are depicted as angry, sometimes they are shown to plotting.

It's every British Raj movie and a hundred other movies besides.

That was certainly my view of ex-pats before I came here. I think that is the worldwide view of ex-pats. Or at least those in developing nations.

Is the film depiction close to reality. Well, let's just say it's too close for comfort.

Am I guilty of it? Yes I am. I hope that my day job to a certain extent clears me of the worst of the blame but yes, I am guilty. It's the way of life of the ex-pat. I would guess that ex-pats drink more than the "folks back home". There isn't much else to do.

And without exception the people who bring you the drinks, and your food, and clean you house are local people. It can make you very very lazy. I'm trying not to make a judgement on this. The waiters, the chefs, the maids etc - they are all earning money and your custom pays their wages.

But even knowing this I feel uncomfortable. There are certainly places in town that I don't go because the movie version of ex-pats is there in abundance. But we are all guilty.

And I think the longer you stay the longer you get used to that idea. The first time I offered to wash up in an ex-pat house I shuddered when my host said: Leave it, the maid will do it in the morning. Now, I'm afraid, I leave the washing up for my maid.

I find myself worrying that I am running out of clean clothes when the maid isn't coming for two more days. Despite the fact that there is nothing to stop me washing the clothes myself.

Is this what you become? Am I destined to be the movie ex-pat villain, stuffing my face, sweating profusely and shouting at a befuddled waiter to be quicker with the drinks.

I hope not. But you can see it happening over time.

In the meantime I will console myself that at least I am not this guy. I actually read this article when I first arrived in Vietnam and I was horrified. I just Googled it now in order to include it.

Finally...a new home for KOTO

2006-02-22T13:18:00.000+07:00

You may recall I used to blog a lot about "A new home for KOTO". Time was running out, we needed $80,000 USD, we needed it fast.

The awesome KOTO restaurant that had touched the lives of 200 young kids from street and disadvantaged backgrounds was to be no more. We had six months to find and fund a new place or the unthinkable would happen - no more KOTO.

So the fundraising started and so did the search. We found what we thought was the ideal spot and we even announced it to the press. Then it didn't work out and we were back to sqare one.

In the meantime we negotiated an extension at our current slot.

On my computer I have pictures of four potential "new KOTOs", their was the one above, the super modern but badly located place and the awesomely located but bureacratically complicated place.

And then we found our newest new place. One or two of the staff checked it out first and they came back glowing. The landlord was nice, the space fullsome, the location perfect.

So I went down with a group of staff and we wondered around in a daze. Not only would it hold twice the number of customers, it was also large enough to include our training centre. Yes, it was a rent rise compared to our current restaurant but we would actually be saving money because we wouldn't have to pay an additional rent for training space.

The customer space is fantastic too. Space for a small cafe at the front. A beautiful open air courtyard at the back. A formal function room upstairs and a comfortable coffee room just perfect for filling with sofas, low tables and magazines.

It hasn't been without problems. Shoe horning a kitchen in was tricky. Even harder was an additional training kitchen. But it all should fit. Well just about.

We've had swanky designers and architects look at the place. And we've had beautiful plans back. In short though, while the architects will help us with the shoehorning - the decoration will be done by us.

And so...it's paint brushes at the ready and KOTO teamwork all round. This week we have had a goup of visitors from South Korea (plus film crew) who have been helping us decorate - alongside the KOTO kids (pictured above).

We're not just decorating ourselves to save money - although that is obviously a consideration. We want the kids to invest in the new place. We don't want swanky - we want warm and comfortable. A little bit of rusticness is no bad thing.

Ooh...I nearly forgot. The location?

Okay, you're going to have to wait or work it out for yourself from the pics. But, those of you who know Hanoi, it's a street back and two minutes walk from Hoan Kiem. The perfect place to be.

Of course a million things could go wrong yet and they probably will. But this seems do-able and can cement the future of KOTO for many many years.

The uncertainty of the new KOTO made 2005 a tough year (the best, most toughest year of my life). So far 2006 is showing great promise.

Staying...for the timebeing at least.

2006-02-21T18:13:00.000+07:00

As many of you will be aware, I have been mulling over the "should I stay or should I go" question.

On a bad day I wondered whether I would make it to the end of my current term which finishes in August.

On a good day. Well, on a good day, and there have been many, it felt like I should stay forever.

But there are other things I want to do with my life and other places to go. And I always reasoned that I should leave Vietnam while I was still in love with the place.

And so I have come to a decision. I first decided upon it a couple of weeks back. I have lived with it and I feel comfortable with it. So today I wrote to my employers and VSO.

In short I will see out my two years and I will extend to Christmas. In late spring/summer we will finally move to the new KOTO (more news soon) and we can start the marketing job of trying to take our customers with us.

But also I have total faith in my marketing colleague. It's time I left her to fulfill her potential and take over completely.

And what next?

Well home for Christmas, and there is a fledgling street kids project on the other side of the world I would like to spend a few months with.

And then? Well that's simple - another two years with VSO if they'll have me.

The usual rules apply - potluck. Let's just see where I end up.

The decision feels right. I feel good about it. No more changes of mind I hope. I'll let you know when its rubber stamped.

Now you're on your own and you've got nothing to fear

2006-02-20T10:55:00.000+07:00

At half past nine this morning I was sat all alone at my customary spot at the counter in the KOTO restaurant.

There was something jazzy and melancholy on the stereo and once more there was a lump in my throat.

I had come in early to help Class Six with their interview techniques. Their time with us is coming to and end and today they're off visiting would-be employers.

Five minutes before, with the kids looking smart in their interview outfits of black trousers and white shirts, I had taken a group photo (above) outside the restaurant and waved them off and wished them good luck.

Of course, they have one more month with us, but it hit home that they would be leaving us soon.

And there they were, proud, upright, confident, beautiful, beautiful kids. Ready to take everything KOTO has taught them and use it to build a life and a career.

Their graduation is at the end of March. KOTO graduations are extraordinary. Imagine it, a group of former rag-tag post card sellers and shoe shiners, being celebrated in the grand surrounds of a five star hotel. In the audience are senior members of the Vietnamese government, ambassadors from several countries, tv crews, press and assorted VIPs. And alongside them are their families from the countryside - who we literally have to drag in from outside, and tell them...yes, this is for you too.

And the kids will sing and dance. Receive their certificates, get their photos taken and they'll be gone.

Of course we will see them again. They remain KOTO family but they will have their own lives to live. I will miss them all.

I can't overstate just how magical this place is. What an awesome job it does and how fantastic it is to work here. Today I waved off a group of smart, confident, happy young adults, almost a year and a half after I said hello to a disheveled group of nervous, scruffy young kids.

And I am proud. Proud of KOTO. Proud of the kids. Proud of being part of this organisation and their young lives. And sometimes, whisper it quietly, I'm proud of me too.

Ten minutes later, I jumped on the back of motorbike I went back to the training centre to get on with my work. And all the way back this song was going around my head.

Why I hate being called an ex-pat...

2006-02-17T14:32:00.000+07:00

Because to my mind, people like this are ex-pats.

Can't they come up with a new term for the rest of us?

Oh and he's quoted me very much out of context...and he used the phrase "to die for". Undoubtedly the most irritating phrase in the world.

Ah yes...a country club, swimming pool, new pair of shoes, a hand bag, tirama-bloody-su etc etc. If you think they are "to die for" you really do need to a) think about what your saying and b) seek some new horizons and c) get a life, a proper one.

Getting carried away

2006-02-16T11:29:00.000+07:00

Okay so officially I am here to fundraise and help out with a bit of PR, marketing and the whole general communications thing.

Unofficially, the pictures below are a better representation of how I spend my time. I just discovered the shots on our photo library here. Enjoy.

Oh and I would like to add my weight to this campaign. Plus the cumulatively comparative weight of 64 KOTO trainees, 30 staff and 80 million Vietnamese.

Ups and Downs in Hanoi

2006-02-12T19:17:00.000+07:00

Before you embark on your stint with VSO you go through a number of training courses.

For the most part they’re good. Very good. And when I meet some volunteers, from certain organisations who haven’t been through this process, I realise how valuable it is. It sets you up well for the adventure you are about to embark on.

But, as I may have written before, the piece of wisdom that stuck in my mind was that the highs and lows of volunteer living will be extreme.

They told us of how at home you rely on your “framework of support”. Your family, friends, partners etc and stripped of that you function differently.

And it’s true. I have talked here of a drug-like euphoria that I have enjoyed at times. I can’t overstate it – it’s welled up inside me and burst out of me in the shape of the widest grin. I’ve told of wanting to climb the one-pillar pagoda and shout from the top: “I Love Vietnam!”

It really is that strong. And the thought that always hits me, after over a decade of frustrating office work, is that I had never realised I could have a life like this.

But yes there are the downs too. It can be lonely at times. And the loneliness is compounded not just by the people you left behind but also of saying goodbye to people you know as they move on.

And of the whole Vietnam experience this has been the hardest part for me. Ex-pat living. We’re a strange bunch. Divided by nationalities, age, wealth and work. The Pieman told me early on in my stay that ex-pats tend to have wild social life for the first six months after they arrive. Then you have to find something else to fill your time. And it’s true.

You can’t keep living like that and it’s what you do next, that is the hard part. I still haven't cracked that post social-whirl period I still haven't worked out the next step.

So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about what is next in my life and what I really want to do. What I try to remind myself in all aspects of my life here is that the lows are not Vietnam’s fault. Just as when the computers break at work and I have to remind myself it’s not because they are Vietnamese…it’s because, well, that’s what computers do. They’ve malfunctioned everywhere I've ever worked.

So likewise the lows aren’t Vietnam’s fault either. I had lows at home too. And, you know what? I can’t remember nearly as many highs. Certainly there was nothing even approaching the aforementioned euphoria.

But anyway, these highs and lows are partly prompted by my ongoing struggle as to decide that question of what follow this?

What comes after two-year VSO Vietnam stint? More Vietnam? The same kind of work but somewhere else? Somedays I make a decision. Then the next day I make another one.

Anyway…in a bid to evaluate my time here I’ve been reading back over a few blog entries. Here's a top ten. They start on my old blog and come right up to date.

1. Hearing the Good News – (Space Hardware Blog)
2. Why VSO and why now?
3. Empty Rooms
4. Just Arrived
5. My first experience of the effects of Agent Orange
6. Christmas Miracles
7. The KOTO Live Aid Moment
8. Visting Vietnam? Read this. The most linked post I have ever written.
9. Falling in Love
10. Something I should read every time I feel down. To my mind still the best thing I have ever written on a blog. It wrote itself and it still brings back the same emotions every time I read it.

*The picture, as ever, is of the KOTO kids. Whatever the ups and downs they remain consistently wonderful.

Beautiful Vietnam

2006-02-10T14:33:00.000+07:00

We received a disc containing KOTO's recent appearance on BBC World. It also unfortunately included me...man...maybe I shouldn't put myself up forward for interviews. Along side all the beautiful Vietnamese trainees was the big lump that is me. It's not conducive to looking good. Us westerners just aren't as aesthetically pleasing.

Anyway, I had hoped to upload it here but have since been advised by the BBC that I'm not allowed, but they are going to cut us another version that will be okay to use. I'll include it as soon as I receive it.

In the meantime, I got sent this link to a short film of some of the most beautiful parts of Vietnam. Okay so it doesn't all look like this. But a large proportion does. If you're thinking of coming here on your holidays then watch the film and then go ring the travel agent.

Film here with sound.

The Development Paradox

2006-02-07T11:36:00.000+07:00

Just back from my Tet holiday. It was something of a long haul that started in Hanoi, taking in Hoi An, Nha Trang and Mui Ne before ending in Saigon where I hopped on a plane back to the capital.

But anyway, 1,700 kms is a lot of miles by bus and one horrific 12 hour trip between Hoi An and Nha Trang was completed with dead Ipod batteries and no book to read.

So you get to thinking. And the places that you stop at make you think a little more. But of all the stops it was Nha Trang that made me think the most.

I had been there four years ago and had a great time. Repeatedly I learn you should never go back to a place you loved. It will never be the same. And of course it wasn't. Nha Trang has always been a shade seedy but last time I was there it was still beautiful. Tatty beach bars had atmosphere, hotels were cheap but clean and friendly and the beach itself was beautiful.

I didn't take to Nha Trang this time around. The beach was dirty, the city skyline had become dominated by huge hotels, the smiles had dimmed a little.

But this is the aforementioned "development paradox". As a volunteer worker I am supposedly part of a whole army of development workers. But in essence we are working at developing a country that we love as it is. Because like it or not development is big hotels, more tourists, apartment stores etc.

And it's an often stated badge of pride among ex-pats who live here that Vietnamese streets don't have the Starbucks, McDonalds and the like that dominate cities elsewhere. As with everyone else I'm glad they're not here....but is that just development too? Is my wanting these big name stores to stay away a selfish attitude? It's all jobs. It's all money in someone's pocket. Probably training too. Is flipping burgers in an air con surround a better job than standing up to your knees in mud, planting rice in the fields?

A friend who worked with an ethnic group in a far flung corner of Vietnam told me that visiting tourists had started to complain that the traditional old wooden huts were being replaced by "non authentic" brick buildings. But as she said...who wouldn't prefer to live in a water tight, cool home? And what right do we have to stop this progress?

One book I did read (finally) while I was away was The Quiet American. I had loved the film and had been meaning to buy the book for a while. One line that stuck with me was part of an argument between the two central characters. It's an argument that still strikes a chord...does democracy really matter to the average person in Vietnam? Is it even an issue? What part does it play in the average life of the Vietnamese and a culture that dates back centuries?

Fowler the English man says (paraphrased as I remember it): "Will New York and London still be here in 500 years? I doubt it. But here they'll still be wearing conical hats, planting rice, still ploughing the fields with buffalos and carrying their crops to market on wooden poles".

Other than democracy though, it made me question the statement itself. I can imagine in the 50s when the book was written, that it was unimaginable that this lifestyle would be left behind. It had been that way for centuries. But now, I am not so sure. The cities are growing in wealth and farm work remains back breaking hard word for very little money. Surely the farming will become more commercial and large scale and the displaced rural workers will find their way to the more affluent cities.

And again, Vietnam without the ladies in conical hats with their produce on polls is unthinkable. But it'll happen. Just as Starbucks will happen. And it's progress of a sort and will no doubt lead to a better quality of living for many.

So are the development workers just trying to create a facsimile of the western cities and cultures they left behind? Maybe.

Am I happy with being part of that? I think so, just about.

Would I still love the place as much when it has changed?

Probably not.

Would I still want to live here.

Again probably not.

*Picture taken during my time in Hoi An. The full set is here.

KOTO on the Beeb website

2006-02-01T10:26:00.000+07:00

Cool. Very cool.

* Currently posting from Nha Trang during tet break. Heading to the Sailing Club in Mui Ne tomorrow.

An outbreak of Tetness

2006-01-25T16:15:00.000+07:00

Apologies for not writing in a while. I have a habit or writing a stack when things are going well and not writing at all during more troubled times.

Nothing insurmountable has been going wrong. Work hit a rocky patch - KOTO wasn't rocking, it was me. Just one of those workplace issues that crop up from time to time but it's all feeling good again. Against this backdrop there was something of a personal incident which left me more than a little flat...but hey they say you can't keep a good man down. And sometimes even us plain average ones can bounce back too.

So, anyway, tomorrow I head off to Hoi An. It's the Vietnamese new year (Tet) break and schools out. So I've scheduled a trip South taking in Hoi An, Nha Trang and Mui Ne. Sunshine and beaches here we come.

Heading south for Tet is something of an ex-pat tradition. Specifically the aim is to escape the damp cold Hanoi weather. Except it isn't like that right now. Sure it's sweater weather but it's fresh, clear and blue-skied. In fact, to my English bones it feels very close to perfect. Like a late autumn day when there's a nip in the air but the sun still feels warm on your face.

To add to this lovely weather the full on Tet fiesta is upon us. Every second motorbike carries the beautiful and traditional kumquat trees, whole streets are decked out in red and gold and each shop has a hundred Tet hampers outside to sell. I love Hanoi hampers...none of this tinned luncheon meat and cheese and biscuits malarky. Nope they get down to the real essentials - cartons of cigarettes, rice wine and the rough, but very nearly drinkable, Russian Champagne. Marvelous.

The KOTO kids are up a height as they prepare to visit their countryside homes. Every time I venture away from my desk I am the eye of their particular Tet storm. They hang off me, ask for piggy bank rides, or try to lift my generous bulk. Frequently we get into the usual argument over whether or not I am sanh dieu (stylish). For the record I am, but 64 KOTO trainees disagree.

I'll be back on the 6th and then it's serious down-to-work time. There is class six's graduation at the end of March and hopefully some progress in our much delayed move to a new restaurant.

So as I said, it hasn't been the best couple of weeks. But it wasn't serious. All it took to break the bad mood was a trip around Hanoi on the back of a bike. Between the fresh, sharp weather, the sunshine, the kumquat trees and the general madness...well, all is well with the world.

Still living the dream. Still the luckiest man in the world.

Life is good again.

* The aforementioned smiley bike ride was taken in order to provide some location shots of Miss Thu - a class five graduate soon to feature on the BBC website and news channel. The best of the Thu & Tet shots taken that day can be seen here.

A very very worthy blog

2006-01-13T15:40:00.000+07:00

It's nice to discover a new blog here in Hanoi. Especially one that's a little different. Even better one supporting a very good cause.

Anyway, there is an NGO locally called Blue Dragon. It is a wonderful organisation, very much at the sharp end of helping street kids in Vietnam. They do an incredible job. And in the past, one or two of the Blue Dragon kids have found their way onto the KOTO training course, and long may that continue.

I won't even start to explain the range of support that Blue Dragon offers but let's just say, broadly speaking, for kids living on the streets the kindness demonstrated by BD makes their lives a little more bearable.

The picture above is some of the Blue Dragon kids receiving gifts donated by people in Australia. KOTO distributed these so-called "Shoeboxes of Love" and it was quite experience to join the kids there for their weekly Sunday morning football match. As they cooled down afterwards we gave out the gifts.

Anyway, visit the new blog and offer any support you can. First off...the very least you can do is link it. It's still quite new and their visitors are numbers are low. I am sure that between us we can change that.

Oh and it's a very good read too.

Spot the difference

2006-01-12T15:58:00.001+07:00

You spotted it right? My friend in Class Seven with his bright new pearly white nashers.

He's swanning around front of house at the KOTO restaurant all big beaming smiles. It's all I can do not go to get choked up at how proud he is of his newly found good looks.

KOTO paid for him to get his teeth sorted. Your teeth take a bit of a hammering in Vietnam. Few dairy products mean very little calcium. Then there's a diet of too much sugar washed down with a gallon of tea or coffee....well mine are also looking less than glowing and a volunteer worker friend had to get her teeth whitened on a trip home. There's no fluoride in the bottled water I drink either.

But our friend here can grin away. One of the many little things KOTO does for its trainees. Can you imagine having that grin after living for years with them stained and more than a little rotten?

He aint heavy. He's my luggage

2006-01-09T16:37:00.000+07:00

This picture is included simply because I like it.

To explain, today at KOTO there was a whole stack of metal boxes to be given out. It transpired that they were for the trainees to put their clothes in during the winter months. Clothes, as I found out last year, have a tendancy to go moudly in the damp cold.

For the record,there are enough for bikes for one each but trainees still prefer to share. At least this way there is someone to carry the luggage.

Pics from a cold January day in Hanoi

2006-01-08T17:43:00.000+07:00

Shots uploaded and blogged while I danced in my swivel chair to Jah Wobble and Sinead O'Connor's "Visions of You" - a rediscovered (by me anyway) classic.

Okay okay...then I took a cigarette break in the kitchen and actually danced silently to it on my own while I listened on the new headphones my sister bought me for Christmas. Buy it, borrow it, burn it. An absolute masterpiece. You'll thank me. Trust me.

And as I've said before, when you're in love all songs sound like they're about the object of your affections. "Visions of You " is about taking pictures on a cold January day in Hanoi (probably).

I'm not numbed out anymore
No longer feel the heat and the pain
No longer trenched in shame
I'm not numbed out anymore
Now I own the key to the door

The kingdom of heaven lies inside
Makes a circle with the turning tide
Now the circle is complete
And this heart of mine they need
The kingdom of heaven lies inside

I love visions of you endlessly
I love visions of you endlessly.

* Mosaic idea shamelessly nicked from Noodlepie.

Larger versions of the pics stored here.

Break Dancing in Lenin Park

2006-01-08T12:58:00.001+07:00

So, I got back to my house on Quang Trung yesterday afternoon and came in and sat in front of the telly.

That lasted all of five minutes before I realised it was too damn cold to sit still so went for a walk. Literally five minutes away is Lenin Park. So I grabbed my camera and decided to go for a wander.

Anyway, that’s where these snaps came from. In the middle of the park was a big group of kids, some as young as six or seven, break dancing to hip hop.

Break dancing and hip hop in Lenin Park? I’ll let you draw your own cultural conclusions. But it’s a neat slice of modern Hanoi.

As regards the cold. It’s about 10 degrees centigrade. I can hear the Brits scoffing as I write this. But that’s 10 degrees with stone floors, no central heating, windows that don’t shut properly and a level of humidity that produces a dampness that really gets into your bones.

Strangely though, despite winter being well over due it was actually warm until 10.30 am Thursday morning when somebody seemingly flicked the switch. In the space of one day I went from t-shirts to thermals, woolly hats and scarves. Honestly.

But I like the seasons in Hanoi, albeit that for 95% of the year they are extremes. But that 5% of autumn and spring is just beautiful.