A Welcome Renaissance

.....

2009-08-27T01:20:00.000-07:00

i feel a little lonely these days, though i have loads of ppl around me. my friends keep teasing me when i am lost in my own world, staring at people so awkwardly without even realizing it.

it feels like i am empty inside. something's missing, or i'm missing something..

mid-sems are on. i dont intend on mentioning more about them.

on left-handers' day, i gifted cheetos a 2 rupee coin. and gifted a coin to Nemo too.

i lived on paruppu-podi saadam for 3 days. gramma hid that container the day she returned.

honestly, the rains are bugging me. why cant it rain only in the catchment areas. i hate having to wade through the stangnant water outside my place. everytime it rains, i am sneezing and coughing and rubbing my nose for two days. and i hate being sick. ok nobody likes to be sick. but its bad when i REALLY WANT to do something.

i am seriously wondering what to do with my life. suddenly everyone is busy doing this and that, equipping themselves with placement/PG stuff. i am totally lost. i am yet to find out what i really like and want to do in my life. thats the problem with me. i like too many things that i cant decide on one. its not just "liking", i am totally into whatever i like.

i am desperately trying to divert myself from the ordinary......

and i HAVE to learn to cook. my sandwiches and dosas are not interesting anymore.

i just noticed. not a smiley in this post...

Hmmm.... GET OVER SOON, BORING TIME.

surprises & shocks

2009-07-28T05:54:00.000-07:00

i've been eating TOO MANY chocolates these days and like Amma used to say, "vayathula aadu-paambe vandhudum" might happen. (she meant worms, she loves to exaggerate, u know)
somehow, the flavor of chocolate is still my most favourite! will never get bored of them.

the past week went CRAZILY FAST. i mean, too many things happened suddenly and back to back, back to back. some were pleasant surprises, some were rude shocks and some, i was numb to. all those happenings are sinking into me only now.

i missed catching up with a coupla friends. once, the anna university results spoilt it all and the other time, i was on punishment.. (enough of imagining. it isnt even worth your imagination)

DSP test. i did not have the book to study from. i managed to get a 24.5/50, okay? not that i am awesome at it, but when i saw my marks, i was happy that i "passed". i was gleefully looking at my scrawling ( in one sum, i cleanly wrote, "2x10=40"), when the teacher wanted to confirm our marks. she read out, "Upasana, 49" . i said, "Ma'm its 50, i got 24.5/50, i passed". she stared at me and said flatly, "no, you failed". my jaw dropped.

now i have to write this goddamned retest (and perhaps fail in that, as well)

-all for a unit test. so right now, i am busy finding a good place to bang my head against but my blog seems to be the panacea.

i am in final year. i want to keep reminding myself because no one else wants to.

a happy birthday came :) and went :) it was packed with fun.

PIZZA HUT :D

everybody is busy giving their GRE/TOEFL exams while i am sitting here, wondering what to do with my life.

despite pressure from all sides, i still feel like chucking everything away and freely commenting on Paati's aavakkai oorga while she gives me a worried look :P

its pouring. i dont like rainy chennai. but its not hot :D .

there are always little somethings that keep u going, adding some crazy fun to ur life, so even worries dont matter.
example: CB (ok, its my own little secret :P )
and my new E$***** beauty :-) (YAYYYYYY!!)

its actually nice to discover you are only loony , a few nuts loose up there... and not a seriously psychotic :)

Ahem.... a poem:

you think you are loony,
when the sky's so starry-moony,
but you shut your eyes and sleep,
dreaming of green meadows and white sheep.

it just rhymes. so dont make a fuss.. :P

-so long! :-)

pink , java, long-time-no-blog. :P

2009-07-10T10:05:00.000-07:00

aunt reminded me of my blog. hence this post. thank u athai :P

say 2 weeks back, we were watching "kandukonden kandukonden" on TV. gud ol grampa came up to me and pointed to aishwarya rai, .. "Ramba has become thin". it took me a bowl of puliodarai to smother my laughter :P

san's new cinderella shoes :D

spent close to 3 hrs with my adorable 2 cousins :-)

waiting for the important arrival :-) (gramma)

suchi's OSP (One Second Please) act, was a delight. :P gosh, i cant stop laughing about it
our paper presentation :-)

our praaject :P

------ our seminar with one Mr.Aravind. they way he expected us to do a new thing without ANY practice and the way he stupidly spoke about "dedication and passion", wanted me to yell at him " how about singing some swarams of kalyaani ragam, i ll sing ONLY ONCE, you should repeat EXACTLY WITH NO MISTAKES........ otherwise, get out". GOSH. WAT A CHARACTER.

in my opinion, under pressure, you cant expect anything out of me. rate it as very bad crisis management or that i cant handle stress or that i am even fit for nothing. as often said, "i am wat i am". i do wat i like. i do wat i think is gud for me and for everyone. else i will shut up.

never-ending supply of chocolates. (jumping in glee)

JAVA CLASS. :D .... cheetos and i have FUNNNNNNNN sitting in front of our systems :P

cheetos' tamil is "improving" by the day (rowdism kaatara nu neneppu vera)

dave gave me some swami pix . and taught me a bit of vedic math.

coffee shop thookified from college :(

hoping for a more hi-fi coffee place inside college :P

ok, so san has this pink file with some disney princess characters on it (snow white, cinderella, belle, sleeping beauty, jasmine and ariel) . we tried asking boys if they could recognize them. BELIEVE ME, ALL BOYS RECOGNIZED ONLY JASMINE, becoz she has black hair. hence we conclude, boys love black hair .. :D

week of e^3 over :D

top floor

2009-04-25T10:33:00.000-07:00

subtle acts of kindness.

a warm hug can alleviate all pain.

a kiss on the forehead reminds you that you are being loved.

the mental transformation from a child to an adult has been testified. . . or rather, i chose to believe it only then.

there are priorities in life. "mine, are none of your business" , is the attitude, unfortunately.

hope remains.

Me decides to decide on things.

alacrity is always welcome.

lesson i recently learnt : when u miss someone special to you , and u yearn for some good times/a few beautiful words or even an inkling of remembrance, it hurts when u realize , "he/she doesn't even think of u".
-hard, plain truth.

people change, friends change, attitudes change. love remains.

oh yeah. love, as in LOVE. there is only one form/type of love. and it is just LOVE.

the taste of Amma's Alu Kofta is still lingering in my tongue.

lastly,

(rose)

a HAPPY rose :-)

ME LOVES ME

maestro!

2009-03-25T09:51:00.000-07:00

great.

sigh. sometimes, the most difficult person to understand is urself.

Ilayaraja ... he more than manages to create this tiny spark in my heart, to rejuvenate mind, body and soul and the world i know. he shows me what love, affection, devotion, innocence are.... and exposed me to a lot of other inexplicable emotions.

i have begun to understand music better than i can judge people... including me.

:)

so long!

i am cool.

2009-03-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

discoveries/inventions in the recent past:

found an old notebook full of silly poems written by Yours truly, when she was about 6 or 7 :P ah! letting imagination loose.... the delight of every child :)
invented a new hair-do called "SPEED -BREAKER HAIR-DO"
found a single red anklet :) yay! it looks so quaint n beautiful.
invented a new dish. i just mixed a few of this n that and hey presto! a new dish. ok. it was a bit of kara sev, corn kernels, lime, choppped onions topped with some sweet chutney n coriander sprigs. ok it sounds very very ordinary. but i was delighted :P
discovered i haven't grown any taller in about a year :D HURRAY!

what an exciting life :\ :P

i am the princess of my own kingdom!

2009-03-04T08:57:00.000-08:00

rejuvenated. over lunch. with 2 of the most wonderful people i've ever met, in life. i forgot all about the plate and its yummy contents. i was savouring every moment of joy, laughter and 'feeling light'.
---- absence felt. dearly felt.

mixed emotions. random thoughts. mind working incessantly.

life is like an odd-looking patchwork quilt that takes the oddness of every bit of cloth used, to make it look beautiful when they are all sewn up together. and i am avoiding those sardonic eyes... quizzical about the appearance of the quilt, to embrace the warmth of it.

prayers. prayers. and more prayers.

God bless us all.

20-20

2009-02-06T22:23:00.000-08:00

i am a BIG GIRL NOW. :O .... ULP!!!!

suchi, sandy and sharon, ... the fledgling , is learning. :-) thank u for the 20-20 .. i will treasure them for sure .... u girls are the best..

thanks for the fun :-)

u know, when friends are around, it's fun to grow up... together.
i believe in a salubrious life.... friends to obviate it, being the power boosters.

i don't think it would be right anymore, to be querulous and keep morosely reminiscing childhood, when i could look forward to growing up and.... get done with life, and be happy, finally.. to hoot "what a ride that was!" :-)

after all, it a whole big universe around me, everyone grows up....

Vijay sir told us, "no matter how old one is, there is a child in him.. forever" ..

now that keeps me going....

:D

the wone and wonly Chennai

2009-01-28T09:20:00.000-08:00

this has been a week of all sorts. but i have grown stronger in my decisions. i despise atheists.

but for our symposium, i would not have discovered some parts of Chennai i never thought, existed. and Chennai means Madras. Madras is synonymous with many lovely things. some of them are... Marina, Pondy bazaar... (i will go on n on).... hmmm.... late arrival at Chennai. i should have been here all my life. nevertheless, i am happy to spend college life in the best place on earth.

u don't even need a lot of money to discover Chennai... the REAL Chennai. what would my stomach become of, if it were not for Murugan Idli ? Sharon and i often park ourselves in there.... eat until its like we cant eat for another week.... thoroughly enjoying ourselves... relishing every drop and morsel of food.

that nadaswaram kacheri in Krishna Gana sabha i went to, made me feel like a fool. how did i ever miss out on such brilliant stuff until then? the mellifluous sound made me feel so warm and soothing ... i kept talking about it to everyone i met.. for 2 or 3 days. and believe me, no one called it "mokkai". all i felt bad about was... when thousands swarm into Chennai for Saarang and its concerts and stuff... only a handful turned up for the nadaswaram kacheri.... with quite a number of foreigners.. u dont find many good nadaswaram vidwans these days, u know? they will become extinct soon, i fear.

i was hungry for exposure in the arts and thought... when i landed here. and.. today... i can say... "yes, i confirm it.. and it has groomed me into what i am, today"... this statement only reflects optimism in me.. and not that i am gloating over it :P

awesome people... brilliant happenings....... :) :)

i must say.... pray, do not mistake me for a flirt... the "typical" Chennai college-going thair-saadam boy, has the most fabulous attitude ever... u can forever keep learning from him.
but hey, those typical chennai college-going thair-saadam girls are bloody smart too... (why didn't i arrive earlier??? :D )

the secret of success???

THAIR-SAADAM :D :D :D :D

i am finally becoming a fan of thair-saadam... triplicane parthasarathy kovil thair-saadam... its out of place... but i cant help mentioning the puliyodarai and akaaravadisal u get as prasadam.

proud and happy to be an atom of the brilliant atmosphere of Chennai.

so long!

today

2009-01-22T09:25:00.000-08:00

so wat did i do today?

went to college
painted a bit
laughed a bit more
got myself worried EVEN more
temple
spoke to a FRIEND :) :)
ate dinner from Mansukh's
watched Kolangal after a long time (i swear, one day, that director guy is gonna have it from me)
dozing on my keyboard.

gud night...............

11th Jan, 9 a.m to 9 p.m :-)

2009-01-13T05:12:00.000-08:00

ok, first things first.

THANK U, VIGNESH AND BHARGAV, FOR THE IMMENSE POPULARITY HAVE BROUGHT ME :D . specially vignesh... for laughin his heart out at... er... stuff :P
(velaya paarunga da :P)

highlights of the show on ECR :

van journey :D ... Ravi pulling Srivatson's legs at the sight of his mobile, Das' standard mokkais
APPALAAMS :D :D :D :D
Mathangi, me and Mundhinam Paarthene (samma raasi..... Sneha, not zodiac signs :D)
Vignesh blackmailing :|
Photo session :)
Samosas and Tang (Preethi, :O :O :D )
Little Sanjana (Hi Sriram :D ... oh sorry, SaiVishal)
Gopalakrishnan ;)
the mix-up :P
the room, the verandah :D
Das, the hero ;) (Reshmi, what valour!!!)
Jebin and the phone call :D
Bhargav, the Thamizhar :P
BULBING--> give and take policy :P
the van journey again :) non-stop laughter

:) :) :) :) memories for a lifetime!

DEAR VIGNESH AND BHARGAV, LET ME KNOW IF I HAVE MISSED ANYTHING OUT. THANK U :|

love u all... :)

mettupodu! :-)

2009-01-05T05:49:00.000-08:00

i met a couple of great friends... 2 cousins... i sang with Mathangi. i was clumsy that day. i saw some.. er.. friends :D

Jan 3- MSEC Alumni Meet.

that was perhaps the best day of 2009, so far :D
a group of about 17 .. 15 juniors+Mathangi & Me

our "rubber" band (!)

FUN!

absolutely!

UNALLOYED FUN!

no class. only music.. we jumped from room to room to "practise". ended up rofl with jokes n "paethals" and what not! :D

of course, i don have to elaborate :)
u know what it is like... when music & a big bunch of teenagers get together :P

we get frenzy.

guys, u're the best :) it was a brilliant brilliant BRILLIANT time with u all ! :)

Sabhas(h) :D

2008-12-28T08:54:00.000-08:00

O December, i love u. why? because :

Bhairavi Ragam rendition- by Ranjani-Gayatri
Ragam Thanam Pallavi in Sahana, Sriranjani, Brindavan Saranga, Varaali.... i was moved to tears.
their trademark Abhang.
Birju Maharaj's Kathak performance. What a humble humble man.
my friend Lakshmi's concert. it took all of two Raagams for her to make the performance memorable for me. Nalinakaanti and Kalyani.
Vishaka Hari
Concerts aired on TV :)

Thank U GOD,
for Margazhi,
for Chennai.

:-)

Peek-a-boo!

2008-12-24T06:07:00.000-08:00

Panacea.

what could be better than biking at a terrrrrific speed (sharon's helmet fastening snapped off and her helmet nearly flew off her head... i still dunno how i even let her ride at such speed : )... on beach road with 3 other pals.. after a week of frustration and "LACK OF COORDINATION"? a sumptuous lunch at Sangeetha....

...old memories of the beach ....... ;)

today was silly games day. a group of 15 girls and boys dutifully driving the class mad. played silly games which were cool once upon a time when we were 8.

"what is the number after 25?"

naren: "21 " ..... :P

Popeye Dave: "25 "....... :D

Pheesh: a slap

Bus: "bus"

Suchi: batting eyelids, flaunting those 1.5 cm long eyelashes :P

Ashwin : "chi ku li ba" :D

Harish: "my big toe" :P .... slightly and thankfully different from his usual comment that he drawls as if he didn't care one paisa for the world. he discovered something to counter-bit pottufy something that we make his life hell with. congratulations :D

dumb jokes....so-called "discussions" ....guffaws.....prince of ayodhya....okke okka call'u' ....suppandi....red bangles.....samosa channa......clive cussler.... VJ craig....civil block.....yellow ladies.....compiler design lab.....PT sessions ( :P not physical training)......vetti meaningless conversations..... these are all instances of absolutely "unalloyed" fun (to quote the honoured,scared and ever-funny boy)..... to top it all.... brilliant light drizzles.

Am glad December exists ............. the best month of 2008.... er... after August of course ;) ;)

so long!

bubble sort :P

2008-12-14T03:22:00.000-08:00

my thoughts and words have revolved around so many interesting things over the last week, to evoke smiles that were long lost. it feels like resurrection :) god knows why.

sholingapuram monkeys
jaw pain :P
matt damon
granddad's old rhymes
GMM sir and classes (super fun :D )
"the legend of the purple flower" (brought to you by suchitra and me ;) ;) )
Marcus
Old Paatu diaries :)
karthikai urandais (peanut ones)
Suswaad
artificial intelligence
Kranti '09 :)
wild-goose chase
pig-tail hair-do's
the cosmos
Graphics and Multimedia Lab
dedication
Pondy bazaar
where is the party tonight, ah enga utla :|
musik
last year of teens coming to an end :) :( :) :(
LACK OF COORDINATION :D :D
Hariharan, the singer ;)
Dr.Me , what i might have become of :P
pronunciations (sandy, remember "PEN"? :D )
President Zardari
Poorvikalyaani raagam
embarrassing each other :P .. poking fun
juniors
Him :)

walks, food, chennai

2008-12-14T01:59:00.000-08:00

what do u do when a teacher asks you, "don't u guys go out?" . we remembered. :P .. we had to go out.

biked our way to the best chaat place in the city . GANGOTREEE. masala puri, dahi puri, cheese pav bhaji, paneer rolls.... and finally.. to the pani puri-wala with the bestest ever gol guppas ever. we drank 2 extra cups of just the pani. that's one place i'd never be bored of, even if i went there every other day.

simply biked around T.Nagar. and then i walked back home, window-shopping along pondy bazaar platform :D :D . one of the best ways to relax. the bustling crowd, bargaining voices, smell of flowers and fruits, LOCAL ACCENT, street-hawkers.... oh i love chennai.. u see all kinds of people in one place!

there was this snake-charmer with a huge huge python round his neck and was asking for money. a French couple was staring at him and gave him a 100 ruppes :O to have the snake round their necks. i stopped staring, when i felt something around my legs. for a moment i though it was one of the pythons :O i looked down to see a small boy of perhaps 6 years hugging me with eyes closed. apparently he broke away from his mother after getting frightened at the sight of the snake-charmer and clung to me. he started crying "Amma, Amma" . i was smiling to myself because that kid was terribly terribly cute. i let the snake-charmer go past and took the child a few shops forward. his mom spotted him and his sister of about 12 years stared at me, as if i were a kidnapper :|

we decided to go for lunch today, in the morning. i went to college to join the other 3 and we rode up and down flyovers and busy roads of Kodambakkam and T.nagar and found Olive Garden in Alwarpet. its THE place for the yummiest veg food of all cuisines at one place... chinese, mexican, italian, punjabi, hyderabadi, tandoori, south-indian...

when the starters came... it was like these cartoons.. where a cake would be placed on a table and all the characters would swarm over it and in one miute, it would be gone! our quesidillas went, the same way :P ...the yummiest quesidillas after don pepe, i would say :) . we were trying to teach each other table manners and ended up eating with our hands finally. the sunday buffet aroma wafted up our noses but we stuck to our nachos, sizzler italiano and hyderabadi dum biryani :D .

we had finished every drop of the salsa and cream , every corn kernel, every bit of jalepeno and every piece of vegetable. what a spread , we pampered ourselves with. dessert was not too great .. strawberry cheesecake and chocolate mousse..

the best part was the bill. :D

very very nominal price.

we shot off to a small confectionery nearby and did some shopping there.. i wish the afternoon hadn't ended so soon.

i walked a short distance to get home. again i dissolved in the pandemonium of shoppers and traders. a foreigner dressed in jeans and a kurta, going past me, smiled and waved at me!! i wondered if i knew him... quite unlikely. i just smiled back, sheepishly. i was suprised! firstly chennai is becoming home to more foreigners these days. and they adhere to our culture and way of living. and they smile and wave at strangers! feels nice!

apart from the food, biking, walking and strangers waving at me and stuff... its the feeling of togetherness, genuine laughter and pure pure fun that makes me resolve never to wish for being left alone again. NEVER EVER. we celebrated togetherness. we celebrated chennai. its a lovely lovely place to live in. i don't think i would ever want to live elsewhere. not even coimbatore, my hometown. chennai is grooming me into a person who would enjoy life as it comes and not worry about sadness. the spirit of chennaites is so admirable. people are always on their feet. there's never a moment of dullness. as i was walking down the temple street, i was thinking of all the times i called coimbatore a "sleepy little town" because nothing ever happened there. but it was just the age that made me think so ignorantly. now, as i am about to step into my twenties, i am glad to be in chennai, to have found/ find interesting people, great places and also the importance of money and people.

an afternoon well-spent... i think, as i get back to working on our tech-fest preparations :)

december sundays are so perfect for hanging out with 3 other absolute idiots who make you laugh so much that u feel like puking out the yummy lunch u just had :P

yay us!! :)

ignominy, thy name is terrorism?

2008-11-28T09:11:00.001-08:00

i walk into chennai central at 8 45 pm on Wednesday night, unaware about the terrible news at mumbai. i have a fairly comfortable journey, sipping soy milk and letting the chilly wind slap my face with all its might. i think, "how i love trains".

now i think a hundred times before i make more travel plans.of course, i am not in mumbai. how does it matter? politicians are there all over the country.. whether or not terrorists are!

ok, i don't want to talk about inefficient politicians, because it is certainly as useless as they are.

not just me. those heart-rending scenes on television make me sick. so many messages that cry in unison, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!", as NDTV puts it. hmmm. sometimes, i feel its better not to intrude into a person's privacy even if it is for the sake of information. sick. the way a poor husband was nagged for information . good coverage, no doubt. i wish they had'nt almost throttled people for information, making them feel even worse. i might have punched them if i were there.

those 3 officers lost their lives after being caught unaware. it was after their deaths were announced that people outside mumbai realized it to be something bigger than expected. at least me. after getting out of the train and having romanced the wind. and the wind has just kissed them goodbye. i am gonna pray for them with all my might. and all those people who did not deserve to die but did.

well done, have punctured our hearts by killing all these innocent people and the foreigners who meant no harm to india. we haven't given in, we still want u out of our way and will pray for that to happen. after all, we, unlike u, are more gallant in our approaches. and by "Athithi devo bhavah", we refer to the good foreigner guests.. and not to the terrorists who are foreigners too.

well, people shouting anti-pak slogans is indeed dangerous. rather than fighting back literally, india needs to prove its greatness in some other way. i cant suggest any (!) , but then , i will pray. i ll keep praying forever.

don't u realize that this is the land that celebrates victory of good over evil every year in some form or the other? (doesn't matter whichever religion it is) one day, soon, we will celebrate it again, wrt u.

and prayers are any day greater than fate. that's what i am gonna believe in, even if u disagree.

the cook, noisy jaws and the sulker

2008-10-30T02:32:00.001-07:00

i can cook!! i can cook!! i can cooookkk!!

yay! finally.. my new answer to the question "what can u cook?" would be "sambar, potato curry, vada, curd rice (iyengar ishtyle), and vermicelli paisam" ... instead of the snigger-producing "maggi noodles, a simple sandwich" (and the like) that i have managed to spell out, rather confidently, as if i cared tuppence for the comical look arrowed at me

i can REALLY COOK now :) thanks to my experiments made on dipavali day, folks at home were quite impressed with the erm.. spread i laid out for them :) of course, dear old mom (the best ever cook on earth) helped.. a little.. ok, a lot. mind u, it was she who helped me.. and not me who helped her :)

it was a rather quiet dipavali at home. nothin exactly special, but for mom's gulab jamuns. aah.. what a delight :)

hey sandy, now u have company for jaw pain :( well, well,well.. what can i say? i yawned too widely 3 weeks back .. and it gave me permanent clicking of jaws when i open and close my mouth :( ok, don't be mean to laugh .. it hurts :(

i went to have my jaws x-rayed. apollo dental care is a nice cheery place. i was waiting,waiting and waiting like, forever and i was attended to, only when i started wincing in pain. i went in for the x-ray. sheesh! new equipment. the last time i had a teeth x-ray was when i was 8 :O

frequent power cuts .. sigh.

a stupid cold's been threatening to attack me severely. and i am trying in vain to shield myself by drinking hot water, steam inhalation and desperately trying to avoid chocolates. and still, i manage to sneeze, cough violently and look like a clown with a red nose.

I HATE THIS WEATHER. PLZ CHANGE. PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE.

exams are nearing :

Hi Eeyore!

2008-10-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

i wonder how happy people stay happy. they have no reason to cry, no sorrows to brood about, absolutely no gloom. they are always in smiles, ready to do anything to keep others happy. may be thats how they stay happy.

i wonder how sad people are always sad. they always think about things that cannot be undone, and dwell in melancholy always.

sometimes i take the avtaar of Eeyore, the donkey. morose and mournful. nothing seems bright in life. and if i do find something bright, sadness overshadows all the joys that find me.

many a friend to hang out with, talk to, spend time with. but i feel i am this complex character that nobody, NOBODY EVER can understand.

there are so many orkut profiles i have come across, that say "my friends know more about me than i do" and stuff. but in my case, "not even i know about myself" . i really do wonder if people like me exist. i expect too much. i am happy with the few people that i know and like. no one else is all that important to me.

u can never trust a friend these days. secrets never remain secrets. it affects certain friendships. ok, fine, let me find friends within the family. that has taken me a long way.... family and friends are never the same. on second thoughts, would it be better to treat family as friends and friends as family? it confuses me.

i really DO NOT understand the difference . not that all have cheated on me, not that i don't want to trust anyone. would it be fair to blame the for making me an inconspicuous character, ultimately?? because, the search for happiness ultimately lies within you. but, there is something that bars the way, when i set out to do things to keep everyone happy. what is that something? its a whole universe around me. so many people... but, the more i reach out, the more i get betrayed. fear of trust. trustophobia :D

i prefer to stay curled up in my own shell. or cocooned.

my only mistake is... EXPECTATION... expecting reciprocation. expecting unconditional love. expecting a shoulder to lean on, no matter what.

u know, staying away from the people u really really love, makes u think like this. u DON'T want to trust anyone else, to the extent u love & trust ur loved ones!!

NO WONDER PEOPLE ARE SAD. THE WORLD DRIVES U CRAZY WHEN U ARE ALONE.

sacrifice a few things, to be with the people u love. it more than compensates for the sacrifices u made. CONSTANT AND UNTARNISHING LOVE, AFTER ALL, MAKES U HAPPY.

now, i AM a complex character... huh? ;)

this blog of mine... sheesh! i love u darlin' :)

pitter-patter

2008-10-22T01:02:00.000-07:00

Me: (groggily) hi, are u going to college today? please say no
S: yeah. i might go today , becoz it isn't raining. we have work, remember?
Me: really? (i peep outside the window) but prayed for a heavy downpour the whole of yesterday.
S: i know :(
Me: well, it could rain... so don't go
S: but i told everyone i'd be going if it doesn't rain
Me: BIG DEAL. DON GO. sigh.

one hour later

Me: i dunno if i should come. it has started to rain now
S: (in a small voice) i am outside college :(
Me: ok, i'll be there :

10 minutes later

Me: i am not coming :
S: why?
Me: i'll have to row/wade my way through the waters
S: :O
Me: ITS FLOODED OUTSIDE!!

sigh. i stepped outside, to open the gate and be off, i found my legs below my knees missing :\
knee-deep water. YUCK. i got drenched, despite the useless unbrella above my head. and.. when i hurriedly came back inside, i found one of my footwear missing : i went out again to see where it went. it was happily floating in the water. i tried to wade my way to get my shoe back. it bobbed up and down in the water and got neatly stuck on the compound wall 3 houses away. i saw the drainiage pipes broken. : i was paddling through ditch water, sewage and ........

after all, what do u expect? heavy rains.... low-lying areas affected..... and.......... NOTHING BEING DONE ABOUT IT BY THE AUTHORITIES.

our fish-pond is overflowing with water. i have to go every one hour and pour out a few mugs of water. poor fishes :( some swam out and died :( the blue finned ones especially. so many of them dead :(

i wish it did'nt rain this hard.. though i usually like rain.
and i prayed for a heavy downpour :( . i don't like this at all :(

mournfully yours..
me..

thoghts in 20 minutes :O

2008-10-20T00:05:00.000-07:00

people always tell me i am a person of extremes. when i like a person, i am the most loyal to him/her. when i start disliking a person, i show my dislike and dissent to their actions. i cant bring myself to explain things. anyway they will fall on deaf ears.

how long is one supposed to be patient and a good samaritan for? u know, i cant stand these people who get their work done at the cost of our time and energy. sacrifices can be made to a certain extent only.

and if u have the guts to talk abt a person when he/she's not around, don deny it when the person asks u if u did it . accept it. let the person know u are being transparent in ur actions and words. its any day safer. u at least know who ur real friends and well-wishers are.

all these hot outbursts aside, chennai is fun. rain doesn't play spoilsport too much. if u decide to get drenched. :) happened last week. i was walking out when it was pouring like mad. the colour of my dress started to run. i was gleefully admiring my delightfully pink feet :D .

i love pineapple cake. and i love strawberry smoothie. i must mention chocolate. i hope no hater-of-me gives me chocolate poison. i might consume it. ok, i am not an alpe. :D .. well..i am giving u ideas : .

i tried this restaurant here called sanjeevanam in nungambakkam. i was pretty skeptical about it because the word "health" in "health restaurant" was kinda repulsive. i thought it is a place for the health freaks and oldies and not for ppl my age what if i puked? what if i er... not feel good later :D ... nevertheless, being a major foodie, i decided to plunge into the mission :D. we ordered the special meals. i was like.. ugh. how boring.

the waiter laid the huge banana leaf before me. he brought 5 tiny glass cups. they had weirdly coloured potions : ok, it was beetroot juice (no sugar), rice bran extract (!), coriander buttermilk and 2 other juices.. with herbs n stuff. i badly wanted to run away from the place. i gingerly held the first cup. (we had to consume it in some specific order.. as per instructions) hey! it tasted good! i downed each cup and ... i thought i'd be full : ... but my appetite started growing at a terrific rate. i couldn't wait for the main course. first came just steamed vegetables. then they served semi-cooked food. dhal, and vegetables. and then rice with the usual rasam and stuff. to round it off, it was a full glass of water. (no water between munches and mouthfuls) and then, a palmful of honey. omg. that WAS a spread. healthy and filling. believe me, i've never had a complete lunch before. this was AWESOME. people, please try it out if u haven't. no second thoughts. its smashin'.

college: sem pracs over. no big deal. : viva was lovely in networks. for once, a sensible lady came. she asked really good questions which made me think well. which i didn't do for microprocessors. we simply jotted the important questions down and were prepared only for those questions. miserable viva. becoz in mup, if we flopped the viva, the external would scrutinize the program : and reduce marks for not understanding the concepts. or that's wat we were told. but for one ECE sir, we would have ended up with nice zeroes that wud have decorated the mark list. dbms was weird. period.

i somehow cannot relate to people who think they needn't care about the society.eventually, i am the one who gets affected : .

a visit to my native village recharged me. fresh air, fresh milk, sitting on the stone benches outside the house (thinnais) :) and looking at the street kids play with a tyre.. rolling it along the way... buffaloes in the marsh. walks to the mangroves, coconut groves and the rice fields, "athi kulam" , lotuses, wells, snakes, scorpions, pigs, cows, bullock-carts, local paneer-soda, temples, "kuppaimeni" herb for the rash i developed on the back of my palm, thanks to some insect.... and sigh, power-cuts : , oor-vambu :D .. oh it was so much fun :)

i went to this place called madhuramangalam, one of the deities being the holy saint "embar swami", cousin of saint ramanuja. i was excited because i thought it was the native of my favourite violinist embar kannan and i expected to see his ancestral house n all. (i have been listening to too many pazhaya kadhais). later i realised i was stupid :.... hmm... i idolize him. he is blessed. u must listen to him in live.

i am falling in love with sarees. Diva, a unit of Hi-style in anna nagar is THE place for designer wear and anarkali suits :) check it out if u haven't , girls.

i love shopping with grandmom. because it happens so quickly :D

the character Ucchaishravas in koorma avatharam is fascinating me to no end . Ucchaishravas means `sharp-ears`. he is a divine seven-headed flying horse, and was obtained during the churning of paarkadal .Ucchaishravas is said to be snow white in colour, with a jet black tail.. i wish i had a small pony like that :D and i am totally in love with his name :) :)

study holidays... : .

have fun, engineers-in-the-making :)

well, i have typed all that popped in my mind in the last 20 mins.

navratri

2008-10-12T00:50:00.000-07:00

i was in a really bad mood until a week back.
i mean, the IV really spoilt us. we couldn't stop talking about it. and exams were nearing. EVERYBODY was cribbing. it spread a blanket of gloom all over college. (yaarum madhikale, adhu vera vishayam) . the worst part: a fine of Rs.25 if u slept in the exam hall. :| there we two papers which i finished in like... 1 hour.. and i dinno how to kill the rest of the time. i tried peeking into usha's paper, just to see if she wrote more than me. when i realised she did, i hurriedly wrote 3 extra pages of crap. hoping for attempt marks. unfortunately, they were mercilessly scored off :|

gethu answer:

"what are the different types of messages?
incoming and outgoing :D :D "

then, golu-keeping in college :D

first we thought it was a rather weird idea...
since there was no scope for escaping, we gave up and decided to do something for namesake. interest was building up and it became fun.
6 of us went to ranganathan street, scouring all the shops for the stuff. flop. so the 4 boys biked to mylapore kapali temple. the two of us , preferred to scan pondy bazaar for the smaller stuff. and we had a great time shopping and bargaining :D .. aah, girly fun :D

and then, no word. we thought we dropped the idea.

i went home to catch up with family :)

i came back. went to college. i went to MS auditorium. very very nice job done by the boys n girls :) half didn't expect it :)

then the extra fittings were set up.... many nice models done by the first years. they were grand, take my word.
we peeped inside the auditorium. the stage said "navarathri, golu and dandia celebrations"
WAT? DANDIA? :)

7 ft statues of the paavais with lamps. 7ft durga , srichakram models, tirupati perumal.
college was GRAND.
lovely pookalams, rangolis painted the floor. and very very very innovative ideas took shape successfully.

the first years were a great great deal of help. but for them, we would've landed in deep trouble :|

it seems the evening buffet was great :| i missed it :| food arranged for special ocassions in college is always sammmma fantastic..

we had a great time, organizing stuff.. (fighting for resources, kevla-paduthing some ideas... super aama-poting few others) ..

this was something that we first showed nil interest... eventually, on THE day, in 4 hours, we did all we could and we loved the fun! i caught up with all the real nice people that i couldn't spend much time with.. after a long time :) no wonder i felt working together was fun fun fun.

a different last day of navratri :P

i wish...

2008-09-29T03:32:00.000-07:00

loneliness isn't good for me. here i am, locked up at home with only a mountain of books to read through..
i miss some people. suddenly. and i dunno y.

i wish i could go to the beach with a bunch of friends and getting all messy, not bothered about how infested with disease it is.
i wish i got back the days with my little cousins who i had to baby-sit happily.
i wish amma n appa were with me.
i wish i got back my sister, unbusy (unlike now) , having all her time for me and my stupid pranks...
i wish my folks weren't too busy to not even have time for a saturday night dinner.
i wish i could go and watch dumb local movies often with friends and laugh my heart out at all funny comments.
i wish i got back those days with my uncle n aunt.. they were so much fun.
i wish i really didn't care about all those people who back stab.
i wish i lived for myself also.
i wish a smile wasn't considered to be a sign of flirting.
i wish, someday, all those who think i am what i am not, understand me and stop backbiting and be genuine to me.
i wish i never got migraines. i so love chocolates :(
i wish the dead (good) people came back alive.
i wish i didn't have balloonophobia.
i wish i got back my old friends who i stopped having contact with, for various reasons.
i wish i got back the old closeness with my friends. it feels as if, we are no longer REALLY important to each other. aaaah.. people come and people go... :( :( :( :(
i wish i got back those happy days, when we were all together.
i wish the society didn't care about whatever i do.

looks like my life is only about missing people..
family, friends ........ who next?

life's teachin me to be numb, which i hate.

sometimes, life is really unfair :(

catchin up

2008-09-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

I so love class these days. we simply talk. jus talk! discuss music and have the lamest conversations ever.. unlike last sem.. when we jus studied and wrote Computer Architecture tests. every page. it was like getting that huge book by heart. dunno wat the fuss was all about. but i remember flunking all class tests.

was chucked out of mup class with sandy for talkin. we stood right there and played left foot- right foot. sir kept lookin outside the window, wondering as to who was pacin up and down the corridor. sandy's tinkling giggles were hard to smother.

unintentionally did'nt inform the dept that we were going to S on 26th aug at 2 10 itself . it was sharon's bday too . some bozo boys were about to leave last when they were caught. we were ordered to be in college before 4.30 pm. we received the call from a classmate when we were OUTSIDE gangotree. we went back with watering mouths... n came back sharp at 4.40 ... :D . ate worse than pigs. Switch, who usually cant eat even her lunch morsels (i mean it) ate 3 dishes and sandy, sharon and i were :O :O :O

had a fantastic IV. the most popular photo of me -> 3 me's at once. a tree, a lamp-post and me : thanks to harish for this mokke idea...

started liking color in attire. no more bland tastes.

leo club board member :D

more n more ppl getting interested in carnatic music. Vedi and i are ecstatic :D

there is a LOT of fun in keepin secrets :D

i dunno wat happens to us. but the 4 of us are our funniest selves only when we are on the way to the canteen.

hurray. but for Muhil concenrating deeply on his choco-cone , i wud'nt have discovered that canteen sells ice-cream cones. : (which has been happening since august or somethin).

it poured like mad on wednesday. was completely drenched. was fun. caught a cold. drank chilled cardomom milk.

i miss my friends a lot.

and i am boring myself by still typing when i shud be asleep.

eyelids drooping

sorry if parts of my blog are in no way connected to each other. bad englees

gud night.

aah! look who's peepin' in here!!!

2008-09-15T01:21:00.000-07:00

god bless arignar anna :)
yay! holiday!
i spent the entire morning and half of the afternoon watchin Full House videos.
nothing much. jus poked my poor blog to life :)
so long!