117 Hudson

Tenny Ten Ten Ten Tennyson?

2009-12-08T11:04:00.000-05:00

I thought I should theme and then I couldn't get behind it so no theme just 10 Things.

1. I think I'm going to buy my wreath today since I'll be around to enjoy it now. It's the only seriously festive thing I do this time of year but I like the way it smells.

2. I re-posted my pro-Choice piece at the Colony yesterday (please disregard the fact that I put one photo in twice, if it bugs you please know that it bugs me about 1000 times more I am livid with myself). The discussion is pretty good, slightly infuriating (for all sides, I'm sure) but polite. Also, for all you teachers out there Mrs. G is feeling your pain. Aaryn's all over race & childrens' books and NJ's opportunity to do the right thing.

3. ChemE sent me home with a tin of cookies for me to share with Pony Express, who had taken care of my delicate felines while I was away. I really need to get her share of cookies to her ASAP. They are in grave danger.

4. Why can I not start Outlander? I keep bringing it places and doing my best and then I'll just be overwhelmed and start something else instead. What is up with that?

5. One of the things I read instead was an anthology of Sarah Ruhl's plays. I like them all a lot but the final one, Eurydice, just exploded inside me. I want to do that play, I want to be that woman, I want want WANT!

6. There are a lot of open slots still on my Christmas giving spreadsheet but I feel less worried about them since I got everything I wanted to get for ChemE before I went to see her and I know what I'm getting most of the kids. I always assume the kids I know will have been given the classics (by my definition) by their other, cooler relatives. It's almost never the case. And thank goodness for that!

7. I feel I should be given some sort of medal for not turning into my mother and completely spoiling Poochie La Peste (pictured above) this weekend. When she came zipping into my room in the morning and stood on her hind legs to see if I was in the bed still I very much wanted to scoop her up under the covers and snuggle her until she submitted to the delights of the down comforter but that would have been way against the rules so I did not. I spent a lot of time talking to her and petting her and laying around on the floor to snuggle her (if you're on the floor you're in dog territory, it's within the rules). I just think that if she gets snuggled consistently it will help her nerves. (She's an Oscar-worthy drama queen, oh my heavens to Betsy Ross!) I am probably wrong but I still think it.

8. There's a hole in my shirt. It's a cheap ass shirt and I made the hole myself using it to shield my hands when I was opening a bottle cap but I forgot about it and am now wearing it to work. I feel like an ass.

9. I have listened to the high rise fire safety lecture every six months for approximately 7 years now. If I ever lose my job do you think I can get one going around to high rises and running the fire drills?

10. Today one of my tasks is to set up the holiday lunch for my "company." My company is me and the 2 people I work for. It's a holiday lunch not in the party sense but in the "we'd like to take you to lunch" sense. And the trouble with being the only wage-earning worker in the company is that I have to set it up. It's no trouble, I don't mind setting it up and it's really nice that they take me to lunch but it's slightly....awkward, you know? Now I need to decide where we should go. The place with the fabulous mac & cheese we went to last year? Some place new? The fish place from 2 years ago? Hmmmm, suggestions are welcomed.

She's Not A King But She Returns

2009-12-06T21:51:00.000-05:00

I'm back and I have much sugar to show for it.

Couple of pictures, too, but I'm too tired to elaborate so I thought I'd throw in a couple of photos as placeholders while I reorganize myself.

Applause?

2009-12-05T21:31:00.000-05:00

Apparently we did not clap quite hard enough. Not to worry, Tink's still alive and all but Santa did not swing by on his flatbed this morning. Oh well. I got a good shot of him waving to us as we entered Lights on the Lake so I don't feel at all gypped. Making a few dozen holiday cookies will put you in the spirit, no trouble at all.

Hope you're feeling the spirit tonight! (Dirty!)

Didn't See This One Coming

2009-12-04T21:09:00.000-05:00

My aunt & cousin's younger boxer, Brindi, died today. She was only 5 years old, was seemingly in fine health, had a seizure and passed away. Please fill your pets to bursting with treats and love today, please.

On The Road Again

2009-12-04T08:25:00.000-05:00

My trip to IN fell through. Did I tell you that? While I was in WI I got a call that a number of people involved in the evening had been forced to drop out due to circumstances beyond their control. They aren't my stories to tell but, quite seriously, there wasn't a bad excuse among them. So I am not right now panicking over learning lines and riding in a car with a friend and a near stranger for upwards of twelve hours. I have instead gone back to Plan A.

Plan A was devised and nearly executed mere hours before the offer to go to IN came in on the cell phone. I felt terrible asking if Plan A could take a back seat to the theatre trip even though it was a fabulous chance to do some work I've really been wanting to do. But here we are back to Plan A so terribleness can be dissolved.

Plan A involves being on the top deck of a double decker bus writing to you wireless while I trundle northward to Syracuse. I'm off to visit ChemE for the weekend. Apparently now that my dog is dead I'm a weekend trip sort of a person. (Next stop? ATLANTIC CITY!) Once I arrive in the frozen north we'll probably walk the pesty dog and then the cooking will begin. We're going to cook stuffed shells and chocolate cake and Christmas cookies and rum balls and who knows what else.

I'm really, really, really hoping that we'll also see Santa. Apparently he comes through the neighborhood accompanied by an entourage of local firefighters on a random Saturday in December. There's no warning until the fire trucks roll through and everyone grabs shoes and coats over their PJs and pelts after Santa on a flat bed truck. Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please let it be tomorrow. My camera is charged and ready.

What are y'all doing this weekend?

Next Steps?

2009-12-03T09:44:00.000-05:00

So I got the following comment on one of my Mermaid Parade pictures on Flickr:

"That butch dyke should be forced to undergo intensive daily psychiatric therapy and medication over the course of at least a year for her public display of sick and debauched perversion."

I blocked the person but should I report them? This seems way over the top wrong to me, it's super offensive and relatively violent so I should give Flickr a heads up, right? Unless someone thought it was sarcastic and funny...hell, it might even be the woman in the photo, I didn't click through to the person's stream. I should do that. But if it isn't do I report?

Opinions, please.

Me In Wheres That Are Else

2009-12-02T10:18:00.000-05:00

Do you know that I Twitter? I don't know if I told you. If you follow me regularly on Facebook (I don't do that with many people. There's already kind of too much crossing of the streams for my liking.) then you're getting most everything I twit. Tweet. Twat. Whatever.

I did a post on book recommendations at the Colony yesterday. Five(ish) for adults and Five(ish) for young adults. I wonder if you agree...

And today I did a Cabana post over there which is basically a like a Hot People post here but they like you to have more words and fewer moans and grunts. If you've been here for any length of time you'll recognize the guy, not to worry.

NWW: Dignity

2009-12-02T06:00:00.001-05:00

One of the numerous things I love about Bobby is his loose relationship with dignity and the importance thereof.

Yeah, there are bigger things brewing in the world but today, this is the only subject I can handle. Look at the hilariously cute dog. There's nothing else to see here.

WAD 10

2009-12-01T13:19:00.000-05:00

1. Today is World AIDS Day.

2. When I moved to NYC the era of AIDS activism was just beginning. During my first weeks of college every class had an element of AIDS education from Freshman English to Stage Management. Would that it were still thus.

3. Some may not remember that the level of shunning and panic over AIDS in the US in the 80s is comparable to what's happening in Africa now. Contrary to some belief that doesn't make us better than them, it just makes us further along in the process. What would make us better (not than them, just better) would be if we made it a priority to help stop the shunning and increase the education both here and there.

4. I remember disparate facts from those early lessons. It would take 4 gallons of infected saliva injected directly to an open wound to transmit the virus from one to another. The fastest growing demographic of HIV+ patients was women aged 18-24. "This is your best friend" (holding up right hand) "This is your best friend. THIS is your BEST friend!"

5. The organization I volunteer with on Thanksgiving is God's Love We Deliver. They were started in the 80s to deliver meals to home bound HIV and AIDS patients. Since their creation they have grown enough, and HIV medications have improved enough, that they now deliver meals to people with a wide variety of ailments that keep them at home.

6. Dionysas once told me, in glorious detail, how to apply a condom with one's mouth. I really wish I had that lesson on video.

7. I enjoyed the TV series, Life Goes On, but I was hooked on it for the high teen angst Chad Lowe storyline where he played Becky's HIV+ boyfriend.

8. Rent was, I believe, the first major play to address "living with not dying from" AIDS. It has become, I suspect (have no proof), the most commonly known media touchstone for that kind of education. Rent's creator, Jonathan Larson, died the night before his show opened at New York Theater Workshop perhaps of complications from HIV.

9. No, it turns out that Tony Kushner's Angels in America which addresses HIV and AIDS even more directly was first (1991 premiere) but is less widely known, even after a star studded HBO miniseries treatment.

10. You are not immune. And neither am I.

Where's Zero Mostel When You Need Him?

2009-11-30T11:04:00.000-05:00

Here we are at the end of another successful NaBloPoMo. I had one close call that Zelda got me through. I'd set the post up to go automatically and for reasons that remain unclear it did not post. This is why community is important, folks.

The whole endeavor is enormous now. I don't feel I participated in the larger community as much as I might have. I could cite the busy or the holiday or the fact that I normally write all 30 days anyway. I would be remiss, though, if I didn't mention that my one attempt at venturing out was met with a frosty, frosty smackdown. No excuse, I could have tried harder. I would like, next time, to do so if for no other reason (and there are plenty) than to honor Eden Kennedy's successful creation of a beloved tradition.

I am a sucker for tradition. I love it. I like knowing exactly how things will go and what I should bring. Small tweaks (all hail veganizing!) are good, huge changes are bad (boo change!). I get that tradition can't last forever. I get that some people hate traditions, or hate their family's traditions, and I hear you. I just don't agree. Did I love driving miles in the snow late on Christmas Eve and having to take a no thank you helping of carnip (don't ask) at dinner the next day? No. But I hate that it's not an option anymore.

Creating traditions is hard. I've tried. Especially as an only child of divorced parents who has remained single and child free, trying to get other folks to jump on my bandwagon is sysiphean in scope. I have met with...varied success. It is success nonetheless.

On Thursday I met up with a Canadian-American friend and we walked around delivering meals and admiring architecture and searching for post-parade sights. It is, for me, the perfect way to spend that day. I had other places to go later in the day and I was grateful for that new experience, too, but when my friend told me (as she does every year) "I want to do this forever" I can't tell you how important that was for me to hear.

Friday brought my annual Open House. I cooked and cooked and cooked - which you've heard all about - and people came and ate and ate and ate. Some years are more successful than others here. I've had years when almost no one has come and then years like this one where we ran out of bubbly and had to send out for reinforcements. What I'm learning, though, is that I'm grateful for the fact of it no matter who shows up. Setting the time aside, having the food and spending time with my people, however many of them are available, is what makes it a tradition for me. And, not for nothing, more than one of this year's attendees made sure to tell me that they counted it as a tradition for them as well.

So today, as we say goodbye to another NaBloPoMo, I salute traditions, the large and the small. What's your favorite one?

How Do You Spend Your Time Off?

2009-11-29T17:52:00.000-05:00

I've given myself the treat of catching up on all my photo processing.

I had a whole month of images waiting to see the light of internet.

I'd forgotten I'd taken a lot of them.

I'd been eagerly awaiting others.

As always you can see the rest on Flickr.

There are plenty more where this came from.

What have you been doing with your extra weekend hours?

I can't wait to hear.

An Emily Post (Not That One)

2009-11-28T09:34:00.000-05:00

Over the years I've modified my holiday cooking just slightly. At first I realized that I allowed a lot of my ingredients to touch the bird and that I had vegetarian guests so I just made myself a little more aware and made sure there were a few things that worked for them too. In the past couple of years I've stepped it up a notch because a very good friend has gone vegan. This, I'll admit, takes more thought on my part because my brain doesn't work that way. I'm progammed to be dairy friendly for bone health...ok and because I love cheese. It's not super difficult, though. I added a veggie dish and I modified the way I do a couple of other veggies and my vegan friend wasn't the only person who enjoyed them.

Earlier this week when I blogged the menu Monsieur le Vegan thanked me for the tweaking. Here's the thing, though, while that's polite and nice and I'd never refuse some friendly gratitude I'm only doing the right thing. Who invites someone over, really wants them to attend, and doesn't make sure there's at least something each guest can eat? Apparently a lot of families do. I don't know if it's true of my friend's family but I've heard a lot of stories. Actress Sara Gilbert mentioned in an interview once that she's essentially required to bring her entire holiday meal whenever she eats with her family.

Now I've not read extensively of Emily Post but I'm pretty sure she'd tell you those were some shitty manners. You don't have to change your whole meal but why would someone come to your party, especially your eating-til-you-burst food-centric party, if there wasn't any food for them? So you make a few things without butter, you roast the veggies away from the turkey (which actually works better with a lot of vegetables) and you learn a little something new once in a while, like the fact that cranberry sauce in a can is vegan but has two different types of corn syrup (there are two types of corn syrup?).

It's not rocket science, it's just a little love, which everyone keeps telling me is what the holidays are all about.

No, Not Posterior

2009-11-27T20:53:00.000-05:00

Mostly this post is for posterity. It's nice to be able to come back later and go over something. If I wrote this down in a diary or something I'd lose the place of it when (if) I needed it. So here it is for all the internet to see, the passes and fails of my cooking this year.

The inaugural apple pie wasn't bad. Teddy's Girl brought one, too, which was nice because I could compare a veteran's work with mine and see the differences. Mine was OK. My crust was a little thin but nice. I had forgotten to dot the filling with butter before I closed the pie and I can see why that would have made it nicer.

Pecan pie was good. Interestingly I had store bought pecan pie yesterday and it was mostly nuts and very little sugar goup. Mine is very few pecans, lots of goup. I prefer with the goup but honestly could have gone with a few more pecans in mine for a better balance.

I totally spaced the chocolate pie filling this morning. It's supposed to be 3 cups of milk not 4. It does make a difference, I'd like to not screw that up next time.

Sweet potato pie was awesome and possibly made even better by the catch as catch can bottom crust only situation I created.

Mashed potatoes were fine. Could have used some sour cream or some full fat milk. Definitely could have used a better stirring post peppering. I keep getting clumps of pepper and being surprised.

Gravy was a bit too thick, a little glue-esque. It's still gravy, I mean it's still the reason for freaking Thanksgiving, but it wasn't my best work. It's hard to get enough base material for the amount of gravy I like if I only cook a turkey breast.

Speaking of which, I hope the turkey was good but I don't know, I didn't have even a bite of it. That's OK with me, turkey isn't a must-have for me and I had a little last night.

The squash was the biggest fail. I don't think the oil instead of butter was a bad thing. I actually think it was a shopping fail. It didn't cook down enough and it was stringy.

Plain carrots could have been roasted a bit longer. They were still crunchy and nice and made a good gravy vehicle.

I did the broccoli with onions, garlic and some leftover carrots. It was delish but I've been making some version of that practically once a week for two years now so I feel like I've got that shit down.

Sugared cranberries a la Belfer were a ginormous hit. Pretty, yummy, simple, fun. I'm trying to figure out how best to store them to see if making ahead for Christmas gifts is a possibility.

I bought a nice stinky cheese and a nice mild one and I didn't wind up with even a bite of those either. Fortunately I'd tasted liberally during the decision-making process at the farm stand so I'd had the pleasure.

Mimosas were splendid. I had 2 bottles of champagne on hand, at least one person brought another bottle. I had to send out for more. They came back with 3 bottles and I still have some leftover, not sure if it's one bottle or two.

I made way WAY too much bread. It came out darned well, though, so I'll keep eating away.

Can you screw up green bean casserole? I don't think so. Which is good because I love it. There's a tiny bit left and I've got enough for another batch.

My pumpkin chocolate chip squares are slightly under done and way dense. I can't get the pan proportions right on it. They always wind up a little denser than I expect. The guys at the guard station never complain, though.

The guest list was impeccable if I do say so myself. Just fewer than 20 people came by over the course of the afternoon and they were all lovely. I got a chance to speak a little with everyone and I don't think anyone went hungry or thirsty. Kath did most of the dishes, bless her pea pickin' heart, so I'm pretty well ahead of the game. I'm running a load of dishes now and do have to pack up the food but it's still early and I think it'll be easy enough.

I should probably ask someone else to make a playlist for next year. My taste in music and the way I put it together is just weird.

Can't wait to do it again!

I Did Not Get Up At 3:00am

2009-11-27T08:51:00.000-05:00

I am, at best, an erratic shopper. I'll see a cool shirt or a big sale on my lunch hour, wander into a store and spend some time. If I need something specific I'll sometimes go on a special trip. Once in a great while I'll be a browser. That's usually for drug and hardware stores, though, so it's not especially girly nor gifting-friendly.

Going out for a day of shopping with friends isn't something I'm good at. I have a much lower tolerance for the hunt than most people do. Load my arms up once, go into the dressing room, make some decisions and I'm ready for lunch, a nap, to check my e-mail, whatever but I'm done. And I'm talking about days when I'm really revved up for the shopping. Gone are the days when I could wander the mall from one end to the other and back every day of the week. I had a lot more energy as a teenager.

So, the Christmas shopping thing is kind of a hoot. I'll tell you right off that I find shopping for other people and for anything besides clothes way more fun. Still and all, heading out for a whole day with a list clutched in my fist, pounding the pavement isn't going to happen. I'm neither that organized nor that strong anymore. I have a spreadsheet where I log ideas for what I might give to the people I love. I look on line for stuff, I order things (almost never in plenty of time) and then there's the whole chance part. After work, on lunch hour, on my way to class I'll see a craft fair or a store I like or I'll even occasionally make a special trip but it's the same old 30 minutes or less browsing, grab a few things and run away. I've actually worked it out so that one of the guests at today's party will be bringing me a big chunk of my gifts. That doesn't happen every year, I can tell you that. Pretty sweet, though. Bless her generous heart.

Needless to say I won't be out shopping today, unless you count buying an extra bottle of champagne if we run out. I'm having friends over all day long. We'll be eating Thanksgiving food and drinking mimosas and chatting and having a good old time. Tomorrow I'll try to organize my limited attention span and get going on this holiday shopping whoo ha. It won't be in plenty of time but it'll work out. It always does.

What are you up to on this chilly, rainy Friday?

OK, I'll Play Along

2009-11-26T08:10:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful for my friends and family even when they make me want to club them like defenseless baby seals.

I am thankful that they still like me even when they want to club me like the aforementioned defenseless baby seals.

I am thankful that I had 14 good years with my dog who sometimes lay on the floor with her chin on one leg which made her look like a defenseless baby seal.

OK, yeah, I'm thankful for my cats but they are so not fitting in with my theme, except that one of them is skulking around trying to ruin something and the other is trying to walk across the keyboard so clubbing is not entirely out of the question.

I am thankful for this fantastic city which can, of course, club the hell out of you but I don't mind. Don't mind at all.

The internet and all of you, very thankful even though the clubbing is only emotional.

(It's the internet and there's no sarcasm font so, despite the fact that I shouldn't have to, let me disclaim that I would never club anyone.

I'm too lazy.)

Happy Thanksgiving! Thank you for being here.

NWW: Let The Wild Rumpus Begin!

2009-11-25T09:46:00.000-05:00

"Let the wild rumpus begin!" is how ChemE greeted me when she called at 4:30 last night.

Today, in our respective homes, we cook. Hope you're having fun wherever you are.

Ten Things That Are Of The Delicious

2009-11-24T06:00:00.021-05:00

Or at least 10 things I'll be cooking for my post-Thanksgiving bash. I certainly hope they are of the delicious.

1. Bread. Already made 2 loaves, will probably make 2 more just in case which will hopefully leave at least 2 loaves uneaten by Friday.

2. Sweet potato pie. I eat mine as a side, smothered in gravy. I do not use marshmallows.

3. Chocolate pie. Yes it is just cooked pudding in a pie shell, you got a problem with that?

4. Pecan pie. This is ridiculously easy.

5. Apple pie. My first time making it. I'm pretty nervous about it. I've never tried anything that required a roofing crust (top crust).

6. Mashed potatoes. I love mashed potatoes. They are food of the benign and loving gods.

7. Mimosas. Can't go wrong there really.

8. Pumpkin chocolate chip squares. I like to give these to the guards on Thanksgiving. They sound weird (the squares, not the guards) but taste heavenly.

9. Roasted carrots. Usually I go with some butter and honey here but we have a vegan on the guest list so I'm going to keep it simple with olive oil and herbes de provence so he can eat it.

10. Squash. It's a butternut. Usually I'd do that with butter and brown sugar but, again, want there to be something for the dude to eat. Can I sprinkle brown sugar on something that has also been sprinkled with olive oil? Will that be gross or fine?

There's more but we're limiting to 10 here at 10 Things Tuesday so you'll just have to wait and see what else adorns my table. This is all assuming I can keep the cats from eating it before everyone shows up.

A Question That May Be Annoying

2009-11-23T11:56:00.000-05:00

It's Monday again. Monday is for serious thoughts, right?

One serious thought that's been running through my head a lot as the media flogs it is the trials for the 9/11 suspects. A lot of people are vocally outraged by the fact that these will be civil trials and they will be held in New York City ("Just blocks from the World Trade Center site. BLOCKS I tell you!" No offense but, we in New York City are aware of the proximity of the court to the site. Thanks for double checking, though.) It seems to me that this vocal opposition is, by and large, from outside New York City. NYC residents are polling a majority in favor, or at least unopposed, to the location. It's not an overwhelming majority but it still chimes with a tone similar to my friend's thoughts in September of this year.

The arguments I'm hearing are that it's dangerous. Having these trials will make life in NYC dangerous. No one addresses what killing the suspects in another location and without due process will do so I'll speculate. I think it might make life in NYC (and DC and the occasional airport and maybe some other places) dangerous. I'm just saying we don't get much below an orange threat level in the city lo these 8 years so you have to kind of think of dangerous as a relative term. I live in the flight path of an airport with a history of catastrophic bird strikes. My dog was just fine and then she died. Life is, all around, a bit precarious.

You have to know I'm in favor of due process. You have to know I'm highly conflicted about the death penalty. You have to know I wonder why the residents' concerns in this particular debate aren't at least slightly more weighted.

I can't solve the whole conflict I'd just like to know one little thing. These people who don't live here and probably don't ever want to visit a danger zone like our home are vehemently opposed to putting us in more danger (in this one particular way). Why do they care?

When?

2009-11-22T20:13:00.000-05:00

It has become a topic. I would say a topic of conversation but it doesn't last that long. Usually it's skated over quite quickly. It's more of a smash and dash just in case I freak out. People are asking and offering opinions, though, on when I'll be getting another dog and what sort of dog that will be. It's a neat way to find out how people see you...and your dog.

NDP and I talked and talked on the night that I got Emily back. She told me she misses Hudson, not less certainly, but less acutely, perhaps, because there is another German Shepherd in the house. Since there is no younger yellow dog at her feet she finds herself still longing for Charlie. She also mentioned, when I told her of my long time Great Dane fetish, that a local trainer is active in Dane rescue.

Zelda has said a couple of times that she sees a smaller dog for me. Maybe a Boston Terrier or a French bulldog. I did enjoy Spock...when he wasn't trying to run me off his ranch.

One of the guards here stopped me the other day, "I miss seeing you out with your dog." "Me too," I told him. "You need to get yourself one of those," and he gestured with his hands just so far apart, "German Shepherd puppies. A little one."

All my life animals have found me. My first cat was hiding in the engine of the family van. Heck, my parents' first pair of felines were, if I'm getting the story right, somehow "liberated" from a neglectful neighbor. Emily was the ultimate found pet, she was delivered almost directly into my lap and I don't know what that voice was in my head but it doesn't get much clearer than something inside you telling you your dog's name.

I broke that rule once. I was in my thirties, I guess I thought I needed somehow to start taking charge of my life. My next door neighbor was doing a lot of cat rescue and had 4 cats in her tiny apartment. When she came up with a 5th who was soft and pretty and friendly to a fault I fell for it and didn't wait for her to ask for my assistance I just stepped right in and said I wanted that cat. Eventually we came to call that one The Mad Carlotta. One evening not long after she came to stay, while collecting my laundry, I backed up and accidentally tread on her. That fucking cat sunk all her claws into me and started to bite my calf repeatedly. I didn't want to shake her off because my skin would tear but I couldn't reach down to grab her or she could get a wrist vein and I might not come out alive. It sounds ridiculous but I was petrified. I don't know how I managed to unhinge her because, frankly, she made it clear that the altercation would be over when she had the leeway to walk slowly away over my lifeless corpse. When I did, though, I grabbed the cordless phone and hid in the bathroom afraid to come out with blood dripping down my leg. My mother's diagnosis was, "She needs to be outside, running around." The Mad Carlotta lives on my mother's block now, sometimes with my mother, sometimes with a family down the way, sometimes in a garage with a family of skunks. She still remembers me when I come to visit and wants some love but, you know, only as much as she can handle. My cats are her offspring which makes them, I suppose, another two who found me from the great beyond.

Understandably, to my mind at least, I am trying to trust in the way it's worked for about 40 years now. I will have a dog again, I promise. Don't worry, OK? I don't know yet when it will arrive or what sort of dog it may be. I'm happy to talk about the possibilities but I'll also tell you why I'm not putting a ton of energy into it right now. I would love any dog that showed up right now the way I love Bobby and Ben and Ally and Tim and Diego and The Buce and all the others. I would not, however, be able to forgive that dog for not doing it "right." That's unfair to me and to the hypothetical dog. I'm willing to wait a bit to keep that from happening.

In the mean time, though, feel free to share your thoughts about what kind of dog you think should find me. I'm taking it all under advisement.

Lost Or Stolen Or Strayed

2009-11-21T15:24:00.000-05:00

I've lost something. Not her. Well, yes, her but that's not what I'm talking about. I've lost the old fashioned style 1 liter glass coke bottle where I keep all my change. Before I left for Chicago I got coins out of it for laundry but when I came back I couldn't find it. I emptied my purse and pockets of the change accumulated over my travels, went into the bedroom and...no coke bottle. I'm lazy. I'm easily distracted. I could have started to put it away and been holding onto it when I wandered off. I looked high and low to no avail.

Finally I texted Pony Express to see if she'd seen it. In my mind I'd constructed a face-saving scenario where, while she'd been feeding my cats, she'd lit upon a creative idea involving my change and my coke bottle and acted upon it. She had not. It was half full and, as I mentioned, made of glass so it wasn't something you could easily move without thinking about it. I'm a little freaked out that it's gone (I looked around, nothing else is gone so it wasn't a robbery, not a smart robbery anyway) so I took the safest path, denial.

When Pony Express came around for dinner a few days later she asked after my progress. While I'd forgotten all about it she'd been thinking about it constantly. We launched another search. Our results were disappointing. My change is piling up on every flat surface of the apartment.

There's an odd little lady who lives in the building next door. She might be 10 or 15 years older than I, I don't know. She always says hello to me and I return the greeting as part of my ongoing campaign to stop being seen as a community interloper (7 years on December 16th, inroads are being made!). She's a long time resident and she knows everyone and talks to everyone and, I think, has plead my case with a few of her fellow old timers so that I get more courtyard greetings than before. On the day Farrah Fawcett died I ran into this lady while walking Emily in the evening and she stopped me to say, "Oh isn't it terrible about Michael Jackson!" She went on a bit and I nodded and hmmm'd because she's the sort of lady who, when you hear something surprising like that, you think, "How did she mix up Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson?" A quick internet search let me know that, while she may be a little loopy, she hasn't lost her grip on reality.

The other day on my way to work I passed this woman on the street corner. We nodded and said hello and I trudged on toward my fate. Thankfully I keep my iPod on low because I heard her say in her astral voice, "Your baby's gone?" (All the ladies in my neighborhood call Emily my baby and not in a mocking way at all.) I went back to the corner and explained. She then proceeded to tell me the story of putting her dog to sleep. She and her daughter had gone through that particular hell of a cancerous dog together. Her daughter, she explained, also had cancer at the time. It was at this point I realized this wasn't the same old conversation I've been having. Two months after the dog died she went through the same process with her daughter. She thought, and I agree, that it was nice - not nice but good, perhaps - that her dog gave the two humans that eerily similar chance to work through their grief together before she would be left on her own. I feel as though, when we pass again, I should say something more than a simple hello but, really, what is there to say?

I'm still annoyed that I lost my coke bottle and really hope it turns up soon. I don't feel quite so bad, though, about losing a piece of my mind over the events of these past few months. Sometimes going a little loopy is part of the healing process.

Indecision

2009-11-20T07:58:00.000-05:00

I cannot make a decision. What to eat? Whether to come home between class and rehearsal? If the new higher ticket price for this show will prevent me from attending? Which cat is crazier?

Yesterday I filled out a very short application to go along with one of my plays in the hopes of winning 10 hours of rehearsal time with a creative team to continue the development of the piece. It was all good except for the "purpose statement." If you thought that cat thing was tough you should have seen me trying to figure out my freaking purpose. Just....no. I called in the cavalry and the cavalry was all very helpful albeit while pacing around me at a fair distance speculating about my resemblance to a certain capricious white tiger.

It's Friday so we should do something fun. I'm going to give you a choice (heh). Either tell me about your purpose or you can make one up for me.

Or, I guess, you can do nothing. Nothing at all. But where would the fun be in that?

Buck Up Little Camper

2009-11-19T15:38:00.000-05:00

Grammar Snob has been having a heck of a week. It's not my story to tell but since I know that some of her friends in cyberspace read here I thought I'd send out the call. Toss her a good thought if you will. She's coming out the other side but she's a little ragged.

Thanks everyone.

Reborning

2009-11-19T06:00:00.006-05:00

As the current health care worm has turned I've been wanting to repost this piece. I originally wrote it just before the 2008 Presidential Election. If you don't know why it's relevant you can click on any of these links and get an update. Here's the text of my post as we all continue to fight for fair reform. I hope that somehow, in some way, it helps.

"If you'd asked me as little as a month ago what my top voting priorities were abortion would not have been among them. Being pro-choice is important to me and the removal of that choice has concerned me since I discovered it might be taken away but it seemed like a marginal issue when economic and foreign policy concerns felt so much pervasive and immediate. Then I participated in some political...discussions. I've probably participated in more of those this election cycle than in any one before and I worked in a freaking democratic battleground in 2004, routinely having my intelligence, patriotism and morality called into question. I noticed that I became heated when the subject of choice arose and had a really hard time keeping myself in check so I could continue to debate respectfully. I wondered a bit why I was so emotionally connected to something from which I am, for all practical purposes, completely removed. I'm almost 40, I'm not having of the sex these days (sigh), though I can see myself having a family it would be a family that was gathered together not born from me, I've never been pregnant so there's no evidence that I could be and the window for that, she is pretty narrow at this juncture.

Then, on a routine read through Feministing I came across this quote by Lynn Paltrow (emphasis mine):

In August, at the Saddleback Civil Forum, Pastor Rick Warren asked both presidential candidates: "At what point is a baby entitled to human rights?" Senator John McCain's answer, "at the moment of conception," immediately established his anti-abortion bona fides. But the right answer, as a matter of international human rights principles and simple justice, is: human rights attach at birth, not at conception.This is the only position that ensures that upon becoming pregnant, women do not lose their human rights.
Political candidates of all persuasions should rest assured that to oppose the recognition of human rights before birth is not to deny the value of potential life as matter of religious belief, emotional conviction or personal experience. Rather, it is to recognize the value of the women who give that life.

To oppose a woman's right to choose, in whole or in part, is to oppose a woman's human right to be a full and participatory member of society. It is to forcibly turn her into a conduit for a portion of her life rather than the complete person she is. Audio Girl keeps talking to me about how she worries that sexism is both more pervasive and more accepted in our society than any other prejudice and I had been reluctant to agree with her until I read Ms. Paltrow's words.

Choice overall is not a black and white issue. You can tell me, "But what if Mother Theresa had been aborted?" and I can reply, "Well, what if the Columbine killers had?" You can believe that the potential for a person deserves a certain respect and I will too, though the sort of respect we seek may differ. All of your arguments are perfectly valid and useful when discussing your opposition to abortion within the full range of choices with an individual. However, when you legislate your beliefs onto my body you, with prejudice and disrespect, remove my right as a fully functioning human being to make the choice for myself.

So, as it turns out, abortion and its full spectrum of choices and responsibilities are right at the very top of the list of issues upon which I vote because if you do not respect my value as that fully functioning member of society then I will be barred from complete participation in the solution process of all these other issues. I will simply be a vessel, too stupid, too untrustworthy to make decisions about things as close as my own heart and therefore unworthy to make decisions about things larger than that and that is a level of disrespect I cannot abide. Ms. Paltrow didn't put this belief on me, she said something that allowed me to find it where it lay waiting to be discovered in myself and that is one of the many things for which I will be grateful to this election. I have already started to make this change of which we speak and while it has been hard it is equally good."

NWW: Calligraphic

2009-11-18T13:00:00.002-05:00

"Give me the Liberty to know, to utter and to argue freely according to my conscience, above all other liberties."

- Milton

A stone, I believe, from the Chicago Tribune building.

Quick Poll

2009-11-18T08:02:00.000-05:00

A friend asked me, "So, do you ever have imaginary conversations with people, like...celebrities?"

I was honest, "Oh yeah, of course!"

Apparently she'd asked someone else and they never ever did.

So, you all tell me, do you ever have imaginary conversations with people, like...celebrities?