Escape the Okie Zone

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2008-05-15T00:17:00.003-06:00

ok...so much has happened since I chatted with you but I dont know where to begin...
Im back in the middle of bs with Jesus getting into my business with my students that I have worked for...
It is so nice not being alone like I was being a bachelor...
I realize more and more each day all the responsibilities that we both have as parents and all the petiness of the sped department will soon be gone...

I feel supported into taking a long term leave of absence and have grown stronger this year...
Ill be having to pay for all the insurance while we are in Australia...

2008-05-05T23:38:00.001-06:00

Im so overwhelmed with so many things to do...I decided to prioritize them...
Of course the biggest concern is making sure my angel is well covered and taken care of...
second concern is how my crazy manager decides to remove a student that Ive been working with...she is so pigheaded and its so much easier to deal with the calm principal'''
Jesus is up to his usual antics for power...

2008-04-29T20:52:00.002-06:00

this darn ieantivirus has infected my computer...each time, this thing for an antivirus pops up...
gets on my frickin nerve...s more than mosquitos in the deep woods of Canada!!

...we are having times to be by ourselves to get a perspective on our relationship...
"absence makes the heart grow fonder!"

I escape the sometimes drudgery of school

2008-04-28T17:37:00.003-06:00

wow...more and more things appear to make this year magical (gifts from the universe?)
many times tears come out spontaneouslywhen I mention my angel and our baby...

again it happened, the assistant/teacher who is always polite and friendly unlike others, mentioned to me her dream, that angel and I were married with a two year old boy ...
she was looking down a hill and the grass was knee high...we came from behind a black post with our little boy...it was more pscyhic than any other experience!....
tears welled up in my eyes when I had a feeling that was what she was going to say when she first told me she had a dream...

its all fitting together this magical flow...
my angel called me from Arkansas missing me so much...she feels so much comfortable with all of her family who love her so much...

so in a couple of weeks , I'll see her and another picture of our growing seed...aprehensive....anxious, ...anxiety....sudden worries of a new father and will she have the best coverage...
her doctor has misgivings about midwives .... we are thinking of going through a natural childbirth... will we find the best doctor and midwife to lead our baby and angel through this!

2008-04-26T22:05:00.000-06:00

"Oww oooo! In case you didn’t notice, it’s a full moon tonight. If you’re trying to conceive the traditional way (you know, by doing it), you may want to know that:
Women’s periods have been tied to the moon and the lunar cycle for literally thousands of years. Before modern science came along to explain that a woman menstruates because of her changing hormones, it was generally accepted that a woman’s periods followed the lunar cycle. After all, the moon controls the ocean, why not women’s bodies? As a result, some believe that it is possible for a woman to have two fertile times during her menstrual cycle: the first occurring when she ovulates and the second according to her lunar phase fertility period. (www.epigee.org)
A full moon is linked to ovulation – a time of abundance, ripening and completeness. That is, if we were all regular and didn’t have cycles dictated by those little pink packets of pills, patches, shots, etc. "

2008-04-26T11:58:00.002-06:00

"We all see things about ourselves, our relationships, and our world that we want to change. Often, this desire leads us to take action toward inner work that we need to do or toward some external goal. Sometimes, without any big announcement or momentous shift, we wake up to find that change has happened, seemingly without us. This can feel like a miracle as we suddenly see that our self-esteem really does seem to be intact, or our partner actually is helping out around the house more. We may even wonder whether all of our hard work had anything to do with it, or if it just happened by way of grace. "

It is so cool,,,venting the friday before our two week fortnight of a dramatic road to be taken...with my angel, my muse, my copilot to the next orbit...we fly together

the venting of my soul right front of the all my overseers, friends and what I thought were formidable foes to my own career and vision for my vision of a utopia...or at least some village on the way to becoming a native American Camelot...

I vented and then we flew the coop and negativity...

I come back with my loyal canine, Buffy, to see it so much more peaceful but still under the wary eye of Jesus Koresh and his manipulated and manipulative matriarchs

waiting like hungry sharks for the drops of blood that can be exploited and turned into a feeding frenzy... 4 pens missing from the sped secretary's (the unofficial queen of our sped tribe!) desk

of course it has to be my drama students who took her pens...

she left at 2...but why not stir the pot and put another niche into many wounds of our struggling drama club...

but no worries, mate...that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger...and we venture on with the play "Across the Pond Scum" with the Utopatchi twist

the pettiness of the department and all the jealous eyes of envy seem so minor to our responsibility that God willing, will be crawling around on our magnificent Mermaid Beach soon...sheltered in the dunes that we pay to keep protected by indigenous plants our backyard beach...

"As humans, sometimes we have relatively short attention spans, and we can easily lose track of time. We may worry about a seedling in a pot with our constant attention and watering for several weeks only to find ourselves enjoying the blooms it offers and wondering when that happened, and how we didn’t notice it. Nature, on the other hand, has infinite patience and stays with a thing all the way through its life. This doesn’t mean that our efforts play no part in the miracle of change—they do. It’s just that they are one small part of the picture that finally results in the flowering of a plant, the shifting of a relationship, the softening of our hearts.
The same laws that govern the growth of plants oversee our own internal and external changes. We observe, consider, work, and wonder, tilling the soil of our lives, planting seeds, and tending them.

I have planted the seeds in many different ways from the my children in school to...

our seed growing in our medium of love

Sometimes the hard part is knowing when to stop and let go, handing it over to the universe.

so right!

Usually this happens by way of distraction or disruption, our attention being called away to other more pressing concerns. And it is often at these times, when we are not looking, in the silence of nature’s embrace, that the miracle of change happens." (daily om)

2008-04-25T17:24:00.003-06:00

wow...October 23 rd....so many in this latter half of my life were born in October...from the 18th to the 30....my angel's son is 15, born close to that date...
hmmmm...all the signs .... and then the thoughts that it wouldnt be our reality...it hasnt sunk in yet...just nice talking via email to my cousin in lawyer, Kenny..

a connection to the whole family at the Parthenon and our family history on Mermaid Beach will continue ...from cardboard shacks for houses 40 years ago to multimillion dollar mansions...

we are leaping to Oz in hopefully less than two months...to be there for the winter solstace.

2008-04-25T15:13:00.002-06:00

ok..a couple days later...eve before I get evaluated by my principal...
of course it is obvious what I have accomplished.. u know me!
I am prograsstinating! .. watching this show about how animals can predict earthquakes...Im in a very tired state where I could probably drop off to lalaland...
but I need to talk to my angel..I wish that I was with her for the first ultrasound...
He's only 3 and a half inches right. now
...Im guestimating his conception was around the time of the lunar eclipse ...and they predicted all sorts of happenings would happen at that time... wow!!
it still hasnt dawned on me that I might with everything going hunky dory..Ill be a Dadddy! and carry on our line! ..
my muse knows we will both change for the better when we suddenly have this tremendous responsibility of bringing a new life into world on the edge of the precipice! Its like everything since I started this blog has been happening and in the most funky sort of way! Truth is better than fiction...

and J is leaving me alone! but someone stole my Australian check here in the village and I wonder how they could possibly cash it?? but these thieves are sneaky..
my muse says this little essay is great until I bring up this bs that is dampening my spirits in the midst of possible anxious exctasy...

2008-04-20T22:39:00.009-06:00

It is cool taking a walk up the mountain with Buffy...I forget how beautiful the mountains are as we climb in elevation! 420 all the way up to a natural and herbal high!

ok..a couple days later...eve before I get evaluated by my principal...
of course its obvious.. u know me!

I am prograsstinating! and watching this show about how animals can predict earthquakes...Im in a very tired state where I could probably drop off to lalaland...but I need to talk to my angel..I was that I was there for the ultrasound...
He's only 3 and a half inches right now !!
...Im guestimating his conception was around the time of the lunar eclipse
...and they predicted all sorts of happenings would happen at that time... wow!!

it still hasnt dawned on me that I might with everything going hunky dory..Ill be a Dadddy!
and carry on our line! ..
my muse knows we will both change for the better when we suddenly have this tremendous responsibility of bringing a new life into world on the edge of the precipice!

Its like everything since I started this blog has been happening and in the most funky sort of way!

Truth is better than fiction...and J is leaving me alone!
but someone stole my Australian check here in the village and I wonder how they could possibly cash it??
but these thieves are sneaky...

2008-04-19T16:44:00.000-06:00

So we play with words and love the sound of accents…
I use to play like I was an Aussie..I bet your popular with some of the ladies here mate, with your southern drawl?
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge

“rumor has it that there’s an English bloke with an accent??…I don’t recollect any new English students…
But no worries Tex,you can be relaxed here at Utopachi…but this is the coolest little high school in northwestern Idaho.. We are accepting of all different kinds of accents!!
No worries, mate
“ I loved pretending I was an Aussie surfer in my post graduate days, and then toured all over the world exploring different accents.. Between you an me mate, it was the best way to be popular with the sheilas… hey when I had hair I used to pretend I was a wondering surfer hippy from Oz..!!”
Hey and speaking of bald
I have to go to one of these
silly Baldridge meetings"

2008-04-16T12:26:00.008-06:00

we can be philosophical about the twists and turns of fate...
and let our emotions take hold of us
on a road we will take in the future but
"the future's not ours to see"
che sera, che sera, Che Guevara!

we are happilly chatting about what we will name him or her and we are both putting each other into the mindset of really starting a family... that appears to be our road

and then I hear the call..
it doesn't upset us but realize that by random chance ,
so that path won't be taken yet???..

wait till till we leap to that orbit further and farther away from the comfort zone (The Okie Zone)

we have this epiphenous and very event filled fortnight (2 weeks) away from the negative vibes of Utopachi... we discover ourselves and living with ourselves away from each other!

I come back more peaceful but lazy almost as if from jet lag getting slowly back into the work zone!
..taking two half days off so I can gradually ease back into it while doing my best to avoid controversy...where to take the stands...helping to enforce the rules

while not being afraid,, the chance to still finish off hard motivates me...I get excited about putting on a great show!

Taking the leap to OZ!!

2008-04-14T18:04:00.002-06:00

when we leap into a refreshing swimming pool or a beautiful ocean with the Byron Bay Island beckoning us as sirens would invite love sick sailors,
we have already taken the plunge
we are on our way
copilots to the Land Of Oz!!
our little part of paradise to live life to the fullest in..

I finally put my muse on the schools major medical giving them a copy of our license...
then chatting about the steps to take a family medical leave and long term leave of absence....
(or long term honeymoon in preparation for our love child on the beach!!)
she is so proud of me still musing in the comforts of home in the foothills of the Ozarks
or the "next best thing to being there" (Sprint is such a ripoff..dont get me started trying to call internationally from a cell phone!)
it's cold in Arkansas now while 75 degrees here in the high desert!

2008-04-11T11:06:00.004-06:00

Angel Asphodel
I am a hopeful agnostic..hoping for connections with the universal energy that often seems to be talking to me in the form of coincidences and sudden epiphanies...
Hanging out past exit time at the Motel 6 in the Midwest City suburb of Okc...or is it Del City??
I have so many things to do...
have a little buzz compensated for by a thermos filled with the motel java and addaboy!
when I have this magical stimulant everything does not seem overwhelming
just enough to stave off the tears of overwhelming frustration which often puts me into a prograsstination funk!!

2008-04-10T22:19:00.003-06:00

"till death do you part"
that is the most fearful and restraining statement to keep a man from marriage..
I asked for that to be taken out, but the new fresh female minister said it anyway ..
we listened to Shania before we could finally kiss in front of all of her relatives....
but it was wonderful to get married away from any church and Elivis...
a no frills marriage...wow...
and it was the most wonderful almost surealistic experience..
then I cried with my muse this morning..
on the verge of all these new responsibilities I decided to finally take the plunge

2008-04-09T21:54:00.002-06:00

wow!..its finally happened...I really wondered if I ever would marry and then it happens so painlessly...amazingly done in the backyard of my new Dad in Law...it was so beautiful and so was she showing just a little bit in her white hippy dress and pink wreath in her hair..It only took her two hours to put on make up!
A tornado hit the town and razed half the area two months ago..I have to leave tomorrow although another twister is heading this way reported on the late news tonight...
I just wish that I could call Australia so I could figure out how to pay that outrageous land tax!!

2008-04-07T14:57:00.002-06:00

well no worries with the prenup...we had it notarized at the bank..
The in laws are preparing the nice marriage arches in the yard with lots of beer to give me and the audience...I need courage to tie the not for the first time in my life...
Now there is no procrastination about it..
we will be starting a family and making a big move across the Pacific!

2008-04-06T16:57:00.003-06:00

finally made it last night to my muse's home and comfort zone..
we will join together tomorrow night and it still hasn't dawned on me
Hochzeit is german for marriage
hoch- high
zeit- time
Watching "Two Towers" on their high defintiion tv!
I understand why muse wants to stay here another week...it feels so safe and warm from the anger and negative vibes what I once called Utopachi...hate destroys any chance of that every happening...
I will most likely take a leave of absence from this place in a couple of months...there is so much work to do to tie up loose ends...
I haven't even called my brother...am I constantly escaping from the past and continual failures...this was actually believe it or not my best 3 years of teaching and I have become a better math and sped teacher...

2008-04-05T19:59:00.002-06:00

on the road again!!w
something about the catharsis of a long journey....we will be stepping over into that realm of deciding to spend the rest of our lives together...just letting yourself believe that someone magical will come from our union...

2008-04-04T18:01:00.002-06:00

I just cried when I saw the national news about this child with cerebral palsy...She writes beautifully and she is only 10 years old..
I will look up "Jemma's writings"
She won an award for the best essay.
She is trapped inside her body and writes with the help of her mother. Her mind is a sponge for everything the teacher and the world gives her. She has to write it down!

2008-04-02T12:22:00.002-06:00

ok...alot has happened but I decided I didn't want Elvis at the ceremony...maybe we'll just get the shot gun ceremony in my future Dad's backyard in hillbilly country...
she is starting to show or maybe the baby is just as hungry as me...I think my muse consumes even more calories than me now...she just pigged out at the breakfast buffet while I had peanut butter and coffee..
but I better hold off trying to keep up with her constant grazing because my stomach already looks like it's in the 3rd trimester! (at least we are doing lots of walking along the Strip of casinos!)

Having fun in Vegas, cept I'm constantly having to look for buffets that will satisfy us both!...
Bellagio's has by far the best buffet trying food and desserts from all over the world...that little custard dish was by far the best but all that food caught up with me so my face had a conversation with the toilet when we got back to the room!

Oh by the way, in the ongoing saga with our resident jesus...I finally told him off in our sped meeting in front of all the sped department, the district sped director, her assistant and our new principal. They sat quietly while I told everyone how sped teachers have been treated like second class citizens with 3 of us squeezed into one half of of a room while the faux hippy jesus looking bloke has 2 of "his" own classrooms..I stated that the previous administration showed obvious favoritism to the maninipulative Machiavellian monster in the guise of Jesus in a ponytail!

2008-03-26T22:57:00.001-06:00

in a couple of days we will tie the knot....Im so happy that Ill be able to get my darling on our health plan...
Its beginning to scare me about all the responsibilities, but I just have the faith that it will be so wonderful
another adventure and purpose for life...bringing up our little chess players!

2008-03-25T13:42:00.004-06:00

Play on People’s Need to Believe to Create a Cultlike Following.../

Maybe if I had some of my friend's charm and manipulative powers , we could have done wonders at this school, but at this point, I am burnt out with all the worries ahead of me...
and of course my inability to attend to them...I am my own worst enemy, although the year would have gone much smoother for us and the unfortunate administrator of the school... Oh well

I wonder if my good friend J has read the "48 Laws of Power"???

unfortunately the drama club appears to be fizzling, but Im still counting on the performers to come together...
The reality of being a father has not sunk in yet with both my muse and me..
We are heading for Vegas and will probably have to take Buffy..

.I hope that we can smuggle her into the room or??? we have to leave her here?
ohh, all these decisions while I plunge into matrimony!!!???

2008-03-22T00:40:00.002-06:00

again seeing how the year is flashing by even faster...
worries of J at this point seem so insignificat to figuring out how he and her can spend the next few glorious years in Oz?
so he makes a little late night coffee/instant cappucino with some local flavored life giving honey...
to increase his thinking level before he sinks off to dreamland,,,,,and enjoy the buzz of the evening after making love to his muse...

they both

2008-03-19T20:08:00.007-06:00

I am excited but at the same time very nervous!! I was telling Mary about how everything else is petty compared to the future of having a family in the land Of Oz!!!
We are going to Vegas but the mean time we have to find somebody to take care of Buffy...we will be so overwhelmed by the paperwork...I dread sending checks...Its almost like I need to hire a full time accountant to help with all of it!!! My add and old age oltimers!!!
but then there is a little bit of the age difference but that hasnt stop me before!!
then the pettiness of the politics of this younger generation of nozy Nazi teachers with their greed for power and control...
They want to plan and hope that their obstacles will be gone from their total domination of the school...
and then jesus koresh starts his own community of grape drinkers in some south american country...

so he asks in a meeting of the four of us special ed teachers,
Garv, I hope you dont think me rudo or impetuous...
but are you coming back next year?"

"I havent decided yet..."
20-20 hindsight , I would have said, "none of your business or yes it is rude and impestuos and I dont like nosy teachers getting into my business."

2008-03-18T20:56:00.003-06:00

"Sometimes we need to look to those we love and admire in order to realize what we value about life. We can take time to note what we like about others, and then turn the mirror to reflect the light of those same words and feelings toward ourselves. It can be quite a revelation to see ourselves in this nourishing light. When we can put the energy that we’ve been devoting to a phantom sense of achievement into the truly satisfying aspects of our lives, we can restore the balance between our inner and outer worlds and experience true joyful peace. "

Im often my own my worst enemy...I see all the positives that I do and then let them get spoiled by my temper and how J can turn all referals around to suit him...
Why should I worry???
Im gonna be a father and this asshole is the least of my worries...I guess you love to just hate some folks...
Im sure my x's feel the same way...
It is so hard to harness the feelings of the long term reality suddenly of having a family...
....we need to go to Vegas to cement our future family together, get major medical and have the baby in Oz!!