The Green Blazer, Superhero Columnist of Golf

Doug Barron before and after PEDs

2009-11-03T14:43:00.001-08:00

Before Doug Barron became the first golfer suspended for violating the Tour's drug policy, he was best known for removing his shirt to hit a shot that would have otherwise soaked his shirt in dirty lake water.

By the looking at Barron's shirtless body in 2006 and comparing it to today, you don't need a test to show you that this man is on PEDs.

2006 Shirtless Doug Barron

2009 Shirtless Doug Barron

John Daly Fact

2009-10-27T14:01:00.000-07:00

John Daly shot 80 or higher 54 times on tour ...

Why do you think that is?

It's Street Fighter II at the Presidents Cup

2009-10-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

At Presidents Cup Sunday, Ryo Ishikawa and Kenny Perry are giving us a classic Street Fighter II rematch we thought we left in the 90s.

RYO VS KEN

Pictured here on the docks in California, Ryo fires a hadoken at Ken. If the hadoken connects, he will likely follow it up with a shoryuken and possibly a corner-trapping barrage of various fierce kicks.

Flash Forward to the 2016 Olympics

2009-10-09T13:49:00.000-07:00

After more than a century on the sidelines, it was announced today Golf will make its return to the Olympics in 2016. Tiger has announced that he will play given he is not already retired.

Brandt Snedeker Collapse at BMW Championship

2009-09-13T16:16:00.000-07:00

Brandt Snedeker is going to go home and have himself a good cry (again) after this one ...

Brandt Snedeker is all thumb

2009-09-12T14:23:00.000-07:00

The commentators at the BMW Championship exposed a certain quirkiness in Brandt Snedeker's takeaway Saturday:

In this picture Snedeker's backswing has actually started, and his right thumb is completely removed from the club.

But even Johnny Miller would agree ... One thumb is better than toe thumb:

Stray bullets after the PGA Championship

2009-08-16T18:17:00.000-07:00

With all the talk of Tiger choking it's worth noting that Y.E. Yang's pressure putting was tested on the green at 17. He did what many would refer to as a choke job, but it will never get noticed because Tiger didn't capitalize.
Expect Lerner, Cellini, Tilghman and Sands to ware out the phrase "Tiger Slayer" over the next week.
This is the second week in a row that a sculled short-sided lob into a water hazard removed Padraig Harrington's chances on Sunday.
Many will jokingly blame the pinkish hue in Tiger's shirt for the loss.
Rory McIroy finished T3 at age 20.
Watching Tiger Woods have to putt for par on 18 (and miss) after Yang had already dropped the birdie for the win was an awkward sight to say the least.
As expected, Tiger was kind of a dick during the post round press conference.

Article from Vail Mountaineer 8.5.09

2009-08-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

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Tiger Woods Farts - "Let it release a little bit more"

2009-08-05T10:48:00.000-07:00

Check out the new element to Tiger's preshot routine. Faldo describes it perfectly ... "You just got to try and let it release a little bit more." It's unclear if it was actually Tiger, but that stomp just before the release points to Tiger.

Article published in the Vail Mountaineer 7.30.09

2009-07-31T08:01:00.000-07:00

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Giant penis crashes American Century Celebrity Championship golf tourney

2009-07-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

If they can show one on the cover of a Disney Movie, why is a giant penis on live TV a problem?

It was enough of a problem for a cop to tell the girls ”they might as well have a sign that says stupid bachelorette party ” and that they are all ”stupid dumb girls.”

Oh Snap! That cop has got zingers for days!

This incident happened on the 17th at Edgewood Tahoe, and Michael actually thought it was funny.

It's true that no bachelorette party is complete without a giant inflatable penis, but thanks to one heads up golf watcher, that picture made its way to the internet and for that we thank you.

UPDATE: Could this giant inflatable penis been responsible for giving this woman the idea to accuse Ben Roethlisberger of rape at last year's Tahoo celeb tournament? Picture it: She's watching the tournament on TV, dead broke, thinking about her consensual sex with Roethlisberger the year before, when she sees this giant weiner trying to force its way around the course and, Eureka! Rape it is ...

THANKS TO THE AUTHORITY ON SPORTS GOSSIP -- SPORTSBYBROOKS.COM FOR POSTING THESE PICTURES

Nike to confiscate tapes of Tiger's British Open

2009-07-17T22:41:00.000-07:00

Due to Tiger Woods' poor performance at this year's British Open, Nike is attempting to confiscated all tapes containing shots from his rounds in order to save Tiger from any further embarrassment.

Nike is particularly concerned with holes 8-13 on Friday where Woods played the worst six hole stretch of his professional career.

An representative from Nike said, "It's not as bad as getting dunked on by someone attending your basketball camp, but we can't be too careful with our top athletes nowadays."

Tiger Woods hangs his head on the 18th green Friday while Nike execs struggle to confiscate all recordings of the round.

Cold Top: Ben Crenshaw scalps it into water

2009-07-14T00:58:00.000-07:00

It's rare to see a tour professional (much less a two time major champion and former Ryder Cup captain) hit a cold top, straight duff, or dead shank, but when they do, you can count on The Green Blazer to capture it. Crenshaw hit his next shot into the water also, ruining an otherwise stellar round of golf.

Captures and Captions: Vijay's new putting grip

2009-07-02T15:04:00.000-07:00

In between hitting thousands of range balls, and attempting to bailout his piece of shit crook friend Allen Stanford, Vijay Singh found time to make yet another change to his putting grip.

When it comes to the putting grips of the game's top players, there should be no surprises nowadays. Singh reinforced that notion at the AT&T National on Thursday by debuting a cross-handed grip on his belly putter with a dash of claw. Don't be surprised if he adds a SuperStroke prototype to the mix next week ...

Vijay has made more putting grip changes than perhaps anyone in the game. Now he has decided to combine every grip change he has ever made into a single supergrip.

I'll show them: Drunk golfer heads home

2009-06-26T11:34:00.000-07:00

Thanks to JBL who chopped this hilarious article from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and sent it over.

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Article published in the Vail Mountaineer June 11th, 2009

2009-06-20T22:23:00.000-07:00

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The Green Blazer explains stack and tilt on Yahoo Answers

2009-06-20T11:22:00.001-07:00

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Donald gives Faxon a stroke a hole

2009-06-04T19:16:00.000-07:00

A number of players shot rounds in the 80s at the first round of the Memorial. These players aren't exactly notables, but they're not no-namers either (aside from Chappell at 86; no one has heard of him). Had Luke Donald given Brad Faxon a stroke a hole, he still would have won.

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You know the course is a dump when ...

2009-05-29T22:22:00.000-07:00

They charge more to play the simulator than the actual golf course on golfnow.com

Thanks to Green Blazer Corps member Pjohnstonian for submitting this picture
Dig through the archive for more entries in this recurring segment

Column from Vail Mountaineer - 5.3.09

2009-05-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

This article ran awhile back, but Daly is still dressing like a flaming Euro, so it's relevant.

Click on image to enlarge (article and time line are separate images)

New hybrid golfing sensation ... Rory Maccatini

2009-05-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

The Golf Channel asked today, "Which Rory will win the Byron Nelson Classic tomorrow ... Sabbatini or Mcilroy?"
Rumor has it, the two combined to make a new golf superstar who will take down the Nelson will ease ... Say hello to Rory Maccatini

Tom Kite sexing up photo collage

2009-05-20T10:42:00.000-07:00

The Blazer had a nice laugh upon seeing the photo collection pgatour.com used for its piece titled, "Texas Wedges." This image shows all the winners of the Byron Nelson Classic that are from the Lone Star state. All the images show the golfer in a nice, classic finish position ... Except one.

For Tom Kite, they chose the googly eyed down syndrome looking pic. This shot is evidence why in his heyday, Kite was known as golf's foremost sex symbol.

Play on player Stenson

2009-05-10T18:18:00.000-07:00

You can be guaranteed The Golf Channel will be stroking Henrik Stenson off all this week following that bogey free 66 to win the Players. So as much as The Green Blazer thinks Stenson is a badass, he will do the opposite of the sycophantic suck-ups at Golf Channel show this video of Stenson:

You know you're a hack when ...

2009-05-05T14:11:00.001-07:00

You ask the question, "How do I backspin it?"

On the occasion that the Blazer gets paired up with a hack, the hack will invariably ask how to put backspin on the ball.

After years of hackatural selection, this question has become an automatic response of a hack seeing a playing partner's ball check up after landing on a green.

The Green Blazer's explanation of backspin took years to perfect, but now we have it nailed down perfectly and condensed it into a simple three part answer.

1. Try not sucking -- When you suck, spinning a ball becomes increasingly difficult unless in the form of a bionic slice.

2. Don't use Pinnacle Gold -- Even though the hack, "likes the yellow ones" the rock hard cover of a Pinnacle or Top Flite XL will not produce much spin. (note: The Blazer is not advising hacks to go out and spend their hard earned wages on a $50 box a golf balls. Due to a horrible motion, hacks likely won't get any more juice from a Pro V1 than from their current choice of ball).

3. Make solid contact -- Putting backspin on a ball when you're chucking, topping, or toe shanking every shot is a difficult task.
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This three part answer will quickly silence most hacks. Granted, G Blaze could do like most golfers and pad his own ego by giving the hack a detailed explanation of shaft lean at address and how to strike it on a descending blow, but even if the hack can decipher the information, he certainly won't be able to apply it.

Until next time, this has been another edition of "You know you're a hack when ..." Feel free to search the archives if you're interested in reading previous editions of this recurring segment.

If the hacks didn't play them, who would?

Article from the Vail Mountaineer 4.5.09

2009-04-05T13:09:00.001-07:00