Gina's Ramblings

To help a service member and their family this holiday season

2008-12-13T11:12:00.000-08:00

Some ways to give

Commissary gift certificates

Heroes At Home Sears registry

Happy 4th!

2008-07-04T16:25:00.000-07:00

It has been a fairly subdued day today actually. I could complain about the fireworks that the neighbors have been setting off for 3 days staight.... day and night. But I just wish I had all of the money they wasted on them. With the overcast day we are having our view tonight will not be that great honestly. But I will do my best. I am making a non traditional chili and cornbread for dinner :)

Our new foster son is a cute kid. I am awaiting Monday to hear when he will go back to his parents.

We are at 53% done with this deployment!!! 53%!!!!!! That is over the hump and I am bound and determined to have the downhill section go smoother.

the decision

2008-07-01T22:45:00.001-07:00

DS has one last shot here at home. He knows that I am serious. I think for the first time he realizes that. I got face to face with him and let him know, I will love him forever, but I have to protect him and protect myself and the other kids. I will do whatever it takes to do that. Even if that meant him no longer living here. I would not hesitate to do it. I let him know that I cannot help him if he will not help himself and won't pull his weight. I do not have it in me to go for many more years fighting with him to get help he won't take (that make sense?)
The doctor agreed with me and agreed he might do better out of the hospital for the time being and added another medication to the line-up. Man I cringe saying that. I am not out to medicate the hell of my child. He needs to take medication to find enough balance to make him able to use the tools we are trying to teach him so he can cope on his own.
So that is where we are. If he violates again, I will have him back in the hospital possibly until the order expires this fall. as soon as he is released he would be on a plane to his dads.

What can I say? (huge unload of thoughts and emotions)

2008-06-30T21:26:00.000-07:00

Something nice would be a flippin' plus. DS had another break. He pulled a knife on me. Yeah folks you read that right. I was ready to put the training in disarming to good use. UGH Nothing came of it and he took off ot the door again. His friends brought him back home this time. He is in MAJOR violation of his release orders. I could (and may) have him readmitted. He has another appointment tomorrow and I will go on the doctors recomendation.
I am at the point that I am ready for him not to live here anymore. God what type of mother says that?? It tears me up to even think it. His biological father, I suppose a good enough person (I wouldn't know who he personality and responsiblty wise now). BUT he insists there is nothing really wrong with "his son". It is apparently the lack of parental ability on my part. Oh and of course the "lifestyle we lead" (read into that my husband is in the service). I fear my son will not get adequate care for his needs there. I also fear for my ex's children. I know DS can be violent. And the fact that I would essentially giving up on my child.... it is enough to drive someone crazy (or crazier). So yeah it is torment. There appears to be no good answer. So either I ask for him to be readmitted, ship him off to his father's, or tough it out as usual.
What will I do? I do not know.
The cherry on the crap sundae that is my life lately, my water heater has quit working. Not sure what is going on with it at all, well besides the fact that NOTHING is going on LOL. Of course there was a 3 year warranty on it.... anyone want to guess when that time was up? You get a cookie if you guessed March this year. It of course hapens AFTER regular business hours and of course when I have dishes to do and I smell like I have been rolling in a barn stall (OK not really but you needed a pleasant picture there ). I am going to see if a local military assistance organization has plumbers who will work at a discount or something. Until then? Cold showers and boiled water for dishes yippie. I am all for a simpler life but hot water? Not something I want to give up.

Randomness

2008-06-27T13:45:00.000-07:00

-we are stuck in the make too much for help but not enough category
-11% is crappy odds
-summer colds BITE THE BIG ONE
-exes who lie are irritating
-4 months seems like FOREVER some days
-increasing home values and stalled housing markets is mind boggling
-fall of 2009 is way too close for comfort
-gas prices are too high (duh)
-why is it that the one child who you know is BAD for your child to befriend is the one they insist on being buddy buddy with? Waiting on the trainwreck that always happens

ugh

2008-06-23T19:39:00.001-07:00

On the advice of a counselor of DS#1's I have applied for disability for DS. I know I know...but it isn't like we are trying to milk the system or anything it is just the expense of getting him what he needs to possibly be a part of mainstream society. The things that are recommended for him would be no problem if either he was my only child or if he wasn't so destructive at home (I am constantly repairing something or buying something new to replace something). But this will help with the cost of those things and the transportation to doctor appointments. That is IF we get approved. From what I have hear it is a battle in itself. I know though that we have the support of our doctors. Again thank God for our insurance. We are now OVER $50,000 for DS's hospital stay (new statements in the mail today)!

DS is doing ok. This week was better than the last. So I am embracing even the littlest improvements.

My other kiddos? They are doing wonderfully :) They are loving the freedom of summer and it is a constant whirl of friends over heading out to play and all of that. My neighbors jokingly called me Ms Suzy Homemaker because I call the kids in every night at 5:30. They know that means dinner is ready haha.

Been awhile

2008-06-15T22:10:00.000-07:00

Let's see. DS got home the end of May. He is much the same but he is coping a lot better in some ways. But everytime something is not what he wants... he breaks. Makes threats and says he wants to be sent back. The court order has made it easy to do that if we need it but he is using as a cop out right now. I am learning as we go myself so I am doing my best. The other news...his cholesteatoma might be growing back again. so frustrating. I am sure these things weigh heavy on him too you know?

We still have our one dog. He is still going from his crate to outside and out for his meals and water and all. I have gone down every avenue. The shelter here cannot take him because they do not have the capabilities to euthanize...the ONLY option for a dog who has bitten. The 'last chance' shelter won't take him. The rescue won't no matter the begging. I have two more options before I have to take him in and have our vet put him down. I am HOPING one of these can help him.

DH has been gone 3 months now. I miss him a lot. He is mising out on all of this fun here lol.
I am doing ok. Actually I am more level than I have been in a long while. I suppose this series of crisis's is honing my skills. haha

A tough decision

2008-05-15T18:31:00.000-07:00

My Younger GSD was adopted by us through a rescue. They did a courtesy listing of the dog. The family that had him did NOT disclose everything. He was quite food and treat agressive (among other things too numerous to mention). We have worked with him over the past year and I thought we had made excellent progress. Well he bit my oldest a few weeks ago when he was just walking by him no instigating no warning nothing. He got him pretty bad broke he skin etc. Since then we have had the dog between the backyard, in for dinner and water and crated at night, keeping him away from the kids.
I have to find him a new home ASAP. The problem? Since I am honest the rescue will not take him because he has bitten, the shelter won't take him either for the same reason. I will not let a family with kids take him (He is fine around adults and submissive). I will not dupe a family like the ones we got him from did. I do not want to have to have him put down either! But it is not looking good. The options for a dog who has bitten are slim.

To all the mothers

2008-05-11T18:55:00.000-07:00

No matter how you came about being a mother. If they are your birth, adopted, foster or fur babies...or heck even a signifigant other who acts like a child.... haha HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Another issue

2008-05-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

My oldest has had some more problems. He is getting some help now. But I tell you missing him on mother's Day is TOUGH.
He will be home soon though we hope.

My husband

2008-05-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

The man made my day today from on the other side of the globe!! I am in the midst of spring cleaning. this year it is more of a spring purge rather than a clean :)
So I am going through every toy and finding new homes for honestly about 3/4 of the toys. They still have plenty of toys. But when your house gets overrun... it is time to unload and feel free.
ANYWAY back to the love of my life. The UPS man (no HE isn't the love of my life hehe) comes today bearing gifts. From the other side of the globe my husband made me smile. He sent me a mini rose bush for mothers day!! It is so cute! The card he sent made me cry. I won't get into all of what he wrote but the one part where he thanked me for 'reminding him what was important in life'. Yeah it is hard to read the remainder of the card when you have tears in your eyes.

May I introduce

2008-05-07T08:58:00.001-07:00

The woman who is officially 1/4 through this deployment.....yup ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

So....

2008-05-01T22:17:00.000-07:00

I am watching Carrier on PBS. Probably not a great idea with DH deployed right? Yeah I have bawled like a baby at several points. The people miss their spouses... I bawled. The man whose wife lost a baby while they were gone....we have been through the same thing. I bawled. the man crying over missing his childs birth...I bawled. when he said I am meeting my child for the first time, I hope he likes me (paraphrasing there)...I bawled.
All in all I liked the series. Though I DID get angry at the one pregnant girlfriend and her treatment of her boyfriend I wanted to flick the girl in the forehead.
OK off to watch the homecoming.... and bawl!

nighttime

2008-04-28T23:29:00.001-07:00

You know during the day I have a lot to keep me busy-the kids, the house, projects, currently spring cleaning and my various other endeavors. But come night when all of the kids are asleep and I have written my letter to my husband and watched my DVRd shows.....then the lonliness hits. I cannot sleep. I have a TERRIFIC baby girl who graciously sleeps 5+ hours at night before waking for that first and last feeding before morning. Yet I am awake. No real stressors. (HA I just had to come back to this because I realized that that may sound strange 'no real stressors' with all I have going on but no really aside from the antics of my oldest things are smooth)Yet I am still plagued by insomnia. and it is lonely I miss my husband heck even if he is laying here snoring he is still HERE and that in itself is comforting. Instead he is out playing sailor and is haze grey and underway. POOEY. Yeah I know i know pooey why use such strong language? haha
Good news we are what almost 7 weeks into it. OK OK Just a touch over 6 weeks BUT I like almost seven better when it comes to talking about the deployment and 6 weeks when I am talking abot my daughters age.
Well I had better do something boring and waste some timemaybe ohhhh laundry YIPPIE NOT but it is never ending here.

on a positive note......

2008-04-27T21:52:00.000-07:00

21% DONE We are gettting there!!

Mental illness

2008-04-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

It isn't all puppy's and rainbows.
DS#1, wow, I know that god doesn't give you more than you can handle but I just wish he didn't think I could handle as much...
DS has been in a bit of a downswing lately. That is what I call the bad times. It is a bit nicer than referring to it as PURE HELL
Today after a head vs brick wall afternoon he wouldn't do his chore. Simply the dishes. After I sent him to his room he came back down in a few minutes demanding I feed him. I told him he had to do his chores after a bit of back and forth. I will spare you the way he treats/talks to me. After telling him for the umpteenth time to go to his room, he refused and when I stood up to take him there he ran out the door with no shoes saying he was running away! Yeah I was dumbfounded too. I told him if he went I was calling the police. After he not so politely told me to go ahead... I did.
So a couple of hours of the sheriff dept looking for him and they were about to call in search and rescue. He was found laying in the ravine. IN THE WATER. We are getting heavy rain after a couple of dry days. Lordy the boy is lucky to be alive. He was soaked to the bone! He refused to come home. The deputy said it was home or the detention center. We came to a compromise he is staying at a neighbors for a couple of days. It will be no picnic for him there either. I honestly wish he would have went to the detention center. It would have taught him that he is VERY detached with reality. But it is that damn illness. He has a blurry line between reality and fantasy. He thinks we are all out to get him. UGH!!!! All of this over him not wanting to wash dishes (there were 4 left). I want to knock sense into him I really do but you can't It wouldn't do any good and it would , in his mind , justify the fact that we are all out to get him.

I am tired and stressed and just I need a break from this stuff. We can flow together mostly this however is not flowing well

16% done

2008-04-17T17:23:00.000-07:00

With this deployment (give or take of course). The thing that is irritating me at the moment? I have been rather diligent about writing letters and all. I have come close(ish) to mailing something DAILY. It has been over a month and my husband has yet to see even one thing! grrrr

She lost

2008-03-23T22:24:00.000-07:00

Her umbilical stump :) That was quick!

The other news here is foster son has RSV and cannot return home tomorrow as planned :( I cannot even imagine what he is going through being so sick but I cannot risk Gretchen getting RSV either. Another week without my other baby at this point until he heals enough to come home. :(

Birth Story

2008-03-20T15:34:00.000-07:00

We got the word on Wednesday that the doctor wanted to perform the c-section early due to some things on the bio physical profile. The fluid levels dropped and she didn’t seem to grow any. With my blood pressure medication they did not want to risk it so…. early it was.
After a very long day trying to move the world to allow my husband to be home for the birth of his daughter nothing was working. We would get everything lined up and the same thing at his work would get in the way. Everyone in his command tried to make it work. It just didn’t work out.
Thursday night we all spent it together as a family having a ‘last meal’ of sorts. The last meal together for about 7 months. It is a tradition we have. Spent the night just talking and holding hands. With the anxiety of what all was happening the next day I think I slept an hour.
My mom and my oldest son (he was there on vacation) got here about 2 am. We left for the hospital at about 3:15 am. I got there and checked in a bit early. The only reason was so my husband could be there for one part of the process. He stayed through my entire check in. We then said our “see you soons” NEVER goodbye just see you soon. We hugged, kissed and I did my best not to cry uncontrollably. With our see you soon’s said he left with my mom so she could take him to the ship. He was set to leave at the exact time I was going to have our daughter. My mom was going home after dropping dh off so she could get the kids to school and be there for them.
After he left the nurses I was going to have that day came in. Both of them had been crying. Turns out our story made it around the ward and many of the nurses were crying. Fighting back tears of my own I asked that someone please call and let my husband know when our daughter was born
I was eventually wheeled back to the OR. The anesthesiologist listened when I told him I have a slight curvature of my spine so the placement of the spinal went quickly. They laid me back and the numbness started to creep up. That is still a strange feeling. After all the prep they started the procedure. It was at that time that I looked to my right and started to cry because my husband was not there to hold my hand. The man who is my rock was not there to share in this most amazing thing in our lives. I wanted nothing more than for him to be there with me. To be there to welcome our daughter into the world.
I did what I do the best though I made the best of it. Talking to the anesthesiologist, my doctor the nurses seeing what they were doing and making jokes. It gets lonely behind that blue drape by yourself! The doctor was doing his thing and at this point I didn’t know what was going on then I heard a cry!!! I didn’t even know the baby was out!! I heard some more crys and a lot of hustling around. The doctor prior to going in asked me what I thought the baby would weigh. I said about 9 pounds. He said “Gina I do not think the baby is 9 pounds” The first words out of my mouth? Is she BIGGER?!?!?! Haha He said no he thought she was smaller. The nurse peeked her head around the drape and said “so do you want to know if you really had a girl?” I smiled and said “yes please!!” she laughed and said “congratulations Mom it is a girl!” I sat there while they poked around in me and watching the clock. Time was dragging by. FINALLY the pediatrician brought my daughter to see me. She was just so precious so perfect and looked so tiny. I started to cry again. They took her off to the nursery to be weighed and all.
The nurse got on the phone and got my husband on the line and was able to tell him he has a daughter. ;) By that time they had the weight and all too. So he got to hear the weight first! I overheard it and I was shocked. 7 pounds 2 ounces. The only time I have seen my other children that small was via ultrasound! LOL
Then things started to get a bit tricky. They had a hard time getting me to contract and stop bleeding. Time kept ticking my BP dropped a bit and I started to get the shakes. Then just as quickly as it started things got under control and I bounced back easily. The doc then moved on to tying my tubes that went well and without a hitch.
After everything I got wheeled back to my room where I was to recover. I got settled in and they brought my daughter to me in about 10 minutes 
I looked at her and I was in complete awe. I looked over every inch of her and stared at her in utter amazement. I put her to my breast and we gave nursing our first try. Things did not go well. Instead of sucking and keeping the nipple in her mouth she would thrust it out with her tongue so she had things backwards. The nurse called the lactation consultant. I kept trying with Gretchen figuring she would get it soon (hoping she would anyway). About an hour later we got our first good latch and feeding. From that moment on she latched like a CHAMP and had no issues. The lactation consultant made it to me in about 2 hours and by that time I didn’t need her. She observed a latch and said it looked great and if I needed her to call her anytime.
I got a call from my husband a bit later. You have no idea how great it was to hear from him. It was via satellite phone so the delay was horrendous BUT I didn’t care I was talking to him. He asked all about our daughter, including her name. I had two names just in case our first name choice didn’t fit. So he learned her name all of her stats and he checked on me of course. I told him about 9 million times I loved him and to stay safe.
After that first day (Friday) I was released from the hospital that Saturday. I had to agree to rest and not over do it but I felt better recovering at home.
My mothers stay here was a disaster. Not sure why I expect different though. But My MIL is here and she s a gift from heaven! I didn’t know it was possible to love the woman more, but I do.
I got my staples out today. The incision is healing perfectly. I didn’t even get steri strips put on just the staples out and told to keep the incision area clean and dry and I should be great 

Nerves

2008-03-13T18:35:00.000-07:00

I am not ready for this baby. I mean I am but I am not. My house is a shambles. I cannot get anything done because my mind just starts to wander and I get distracted. Lordy that makes me sound like I need medication.
I am waiting on my husband to get home. He was sweet enough to bring Bear to respite care and on the way home he stopped for Greek food. Our last meal together for a long while bittersweet
I am not sure if I will sleep tonight. I have to take DH to the ship and leave here at 4am for the hospital. I do not want to drop DH off so I am putting that off. Yeah I am in denial. If he doesn't get taken he won't leave. That works.....yup I am sticking to that theory.
Anyway this time tomorrow I will have had my little one for about 12 hours. It is just so darn unreal!

What pretty legs you have

2008-03-13T05:48:00.000-07:00

I know I have told my friends about my freind Baggage and her daughter Bug. Well little miss Bug started her own little business adventure, BugLegs!!
Plus Ms Baggage is running a contest to win a free IPod Nano. I know that is so counterproductive telling you all about the contest but if you win, just remember me ;)

Who says women are always late

2008-03-12T18:07:00.000-07:00

So much for the 18th being the big day to have the baby. Today after my appointment and my biophysical profile... well the doctor called and the babys growth and the fluid levels are 'of concern'. The baby will be here Friday. Great right? Well I have everything set for next week. Afetr some rearranging I will have respite care starting Thursday for the foster baby. My mother will be up tomorrow night.
I am exhausted. The emotional roller coaster today, It wiped me out

OK what am I missing

2008-03-10T12:28:00.001-07:00

I got the insurance hibernated for the truck since it will sit in the driveway until DH gets home. I retain the comp insurance, under $20 every 6 months I can afford that. haha
I got the cell phone suspended until I say to turn it back on ..up to 18 months without an extension.
That is a sizeable chunk out of the budget that I will in turn spend on care packages LOL
What else am I forgetting? Sorry just thinking out loud here

Good job

2008-03-10T09:56:00.000-07:00

Well we learned that DH passed the exam for E7. I had no doubt. He is smart and tests well. Now the wait until the selection boards are done.... which is a wait until Aug/Sept time frame. Pure torture lol

The local paper has an article about the upcoming deployment. I think upcoming is an understatement... maybe looming? Ha I am out of words at the moment. But it is all too soon to be honest.

I am exhausted. I have a bit of a cold though I DO feel a bit better today. Been a bit crampy. But Seeing as how I have never gone into labor on my own I do not expect to this time either. But I am absolutely NOT allowed to go into labor between the time DH leaves and when MIL and my mom get here. NOT allowed. I hope Mother Nature is listening!

He got in

2008-03-07T13:45:00.000-08:00

There was an offer for a free summer camp experience for military children. 30 slots available for this (the entire Pacific Northwest). I applied and decided to fax the info. Why trust the USPS right?? lol Well he got a slot for the camp!
A week long camp offering things like:

24' double indoor climbing wall
Soccer field
Archery range
Rifle range
Basketball and volleyball courts
High and low ropes courses
BMX track
Food and vegetable garden
Big red barn
Small animal farm -- chickens, goats, turkeys, sheep and pigs
28 Horses during the summer season only
Riding arena -- corrals -- forest riding trails

challenge courses, a marine biology component etc just to mention a few....

I think he will have a fantastic time