HNK's Blog

نجحنا خلاص أرتحنا

2008-07-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

hello people,
there are three good news:
1- I finished my exams, I am in the holiday now.
2- I took my marks today and I pass in all the subjects. I am now in the second stage in the college of pharmacy_ Mosul university
3- My dad had his surgery last Saturday. he is getting better day after day inshallah.

Three things I was so much worry about last few weeks are finally over.
Najma used to say " This too shall pass" And I used to write this words every times I feel tired and worry about the things that happened or about the things that will happened. Can't the man have peace of mind just for one day, whenever I finally get over from something I found something else to worry about, something else to weep on.
Anyway,Today I am holding on my shoulder not only a bag of worries but also a one of plans that I intend to do during my summer holiday. I really have to write a post about my plans maybe you can help!! don't you want to serve your friend (Hnk) .

now, I am really have headache so I have to end this and write another post soon.
Good bye

Rise and fall

2008-06-15T13:30:00.000-07:00

From where I am
writing my post
To where the words
Of mine is read

From where the suicide bomber
was parking his car
to where the sound
of the bomb was heard

From where the danger
Of war was come
To where the injury
Of missile was lead

From where the fighter
was kept strong
to where the widow's baby
is being fed.

There is a fear
There is a pain

There is a garden waiting to be seeded.

From where the bell
Of school was rung
To where the student
Found what he seek

From where victory
was first tasted
to where the hope
of winning was needed

From the day the man
went to his job
to the day he received
His first threat

From time the building
Of house was finished
To the day we realize
We have to leave

There is a rising
There is a falling

there is a top we are waiting to reach

Note:this poem is written by me, who is now taking her final examination and really really need your prayer.I am really depressed from studying :(

It's so clear that I will never stop whinnying, there is no hope in me at all.

Wish you a healthy life

2008-05-12T09:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know from where to start and how to start so, I will just took a paragraph from what Najma wrote in her blog to give you an overview about what is going on in my life:

"A bout month ago, dad had a colonoscopical examination it turned out he needs an operation and needed to have it as soon as possible. Colonoscopy revealed ulcer and multiple small fungating tumors that caused partial obstruction of the intestine (this line was written with the help of my sister, of course). I overheard this accidentally since mom and dad had decided to hide this as long as possible so we could study!

The surgery was scheduled on Sunday, I had an Electromagnetic s exam at the same time of the operation. Both the exam and the operation were delayed since the roads were blocked; many students couldn't reach the university on time. The surgeon's neighborhood was surrounded, the ambulance couldn't get to him, they had to call the police so they can escort him to the ambulance and they arrived at the hospital two hours after the scheduled time. There were about 12 doctors (friends and relatives) at the OR and if it wasn't for all the calls they've made the operation would have probably been delayed for a later date.

The surgery went well but there was more at stake for dad than expected.. They had to remove the sigmoid and do a temporary colostomy which he is going to have to remove in another operation in three weeks."

Have I ever mention that I am the youngest girls between my sister, well, it seems that I will always being treated as a little girl even the fact that I am now 19 years old and aunt for 3 children.
no body told me about the surgery that my father had to do, no body told me that my father have a cancer. I was somehow busy with my exam which I did well on them till my father told me that my he have to do a simple surgery. And I never ask why !! * You can say that I didn't want to know why *
The day of surgery was horrible, I did very bad in my exam and I don't know if I will pass on it or not. that's not important now anyway.

After a week of the surgery, I finished my exams and I returned back to my life and found myself waiting for the biopsy result with my family. I didn't have an Idea what this result will show, I never ask, never think about it. I was the most stupid girl I have ever be and that what I realized after my mom ends her call with my father's doctor and said " thanks Allah, the biopsy results showed a stage A cancer" At that moment I stood with my mouth widely open, feeling that I have being kicked on my head, hearing Najma telling my mom " Mom, hnk still don't know!!! " I stood there seeing everyone looking happy where there was no happiness in my heart at all.
After all, I thank my Allah for stage A cancer. And I pray that my father will heal soon.

There is no hug I can ever have let me feel بالاحتواء like the hug of my father.
My father, if you are reeding this
"I love you deeply baba "

5 years

2008-04-09T07:36:00.001-07:00

5 years!!!

And the nightmare didn’t end??

It seems that I will never wake up *uhh* the 8th of April 2003, 8 PM, what did I drink? I can’t remember.

5 years!!!

Does that make me 5 years older or have I been dead all this time. Seriously, am I alive now?

5 years!!!

It makes it 1440 days without seeing the precious moon. Or did the moon and sun have a deal behind my back?

5 years!!

And the life goes on and my soul goes out, what an equation!!

Frankly speaking, I am tired from writing posts about the war and the situation, I am tired from complaining. 5 years of complaining and I have just read a quote that says” let’s complain less and give more” and that’s what I intend to do (GIVING MORE) so this is the first day of the rest of my life and I am not going to let the war or whatever force take away the rest of my dreams.

I am not going to let it go…

From where the fight took place

H.N.K

I confess

2008-02-29T10:13:00.000-08:00

I confess,

That I just ran from the living room where my family are hearing news now.

I confess,

That sometimes, it’s better for you not knowing about things, even if that’s things are related to you. Sometimes it’s better for you not to know what is going on, because what is going on is still going on.

I confess,

That this month was one of the worse in my life, and I am glad that it’s end.

I confess,

That I really studied hard through this course and when the exams were on the door I was completely tired

I confess,

That even this tireness didn’t stop me to stay awake during the night and study hard for those exams.

I confess,

That I did well in the exams but I didn’t do the better I could. I didn’t get what I seek. My marks will not be the marks I was looking for.

I confess,

That I am not from that part of persons who are satisfied with the little they get.

I confess,

I want everything, every dream to come true and every inch of it to be a real.

I confess

If I will not be one of the first 10 students on my class, something really terrible will happen to me.

I confess,

That I feel lonely, that kind of feeling resemble to not even be sure that I am existing.

I confess,

That may be result from being alone with books for 2 weeks of exams.

I confess,

That I will start my second course in Pharmacy College next week.

I am hopping,

That I will be a better student this time.

I confess,

That I like the college without frog and without biology lectures

I confess,

That the professor who was giving us biology lesson made the cells of my body crying for help.

I confess,

That is the professor responsibility to make us love or hate the subject we are studying.

I confess,

That being a professor in Pharmacy College is what I am looking for, and it’s can’t be caught without being one of the first 5 students on the class.

I confess,

That the horrible situation in Mosul beside all the disturb we passed through, lead the dean of our college with no choice left but to take our exams (both mid-course and final on the same day).

No need even to mention

That It was terrible to be in the exam’s room for four and a half hour.

Not surprising,

That some students gave their answering papers not because they have finished answering them but for the fact that if they spent another moment inside that curse, dark, cold room, a really big explosion will be heard in Mosul.

I confess,

It’s a hard life for person who thinks the life is hard.

I confess,

That the silent is filling my life, even the fact’s it’s full of bombs.

I confess,

I hate glasses, and I am wearing glasses recently and I just don’t feel comfort with it nor without it.

I confess,

I feel so silly sometimes, because I leave all the horrible things that are happening around me and wine for the little things that don’t deserve to be mention.

I confess,

That my sister expects her baby to born this month.

I confess,

That I feel that my sister is the devil itself to think of having a baby in this situation.

I confess,

I laugh a lot for the note that say” the sooner you die, the longer you’ll be died”

I don’t blame,

The professor of anatomy if he gives me a low score in the exams

I confess,

That he shows me a picture and asked me what is that?

I answered that – it’s a hand, and this is carpal and those are metacarpal and phalanges.

I confess,

I received a big chock when he said “All what you said is right in case it was really a hand…..

Well, it’s a foot in fact”

I confess,

That I gave him a wild smile of a foolish girl, and I just left the room as fast as .

I confess,

There is something wrong with me.

I confess that,

The administer of the exam asked me if I am a 4^th year student, I answered him that I am a 2^nd year student. After a while I woke up for the fact that I am in my first year of studying.

I confess,

It’s not the glass that will help me to see things clearly; it’s something I don’t know.

Can some body help me?

End life, killed laughter

2008-02-07T13:28:00.001-08:00

Breathless, hopeless, and fatigue
That's what I am now..

I am between the devil and the deep blew see
and between them

I am wishing I am never be...

I have never felt more like a teenager ..

2008-01-06T05:35:00.000-08:00

Salaam,

First, I am in a very bad mood right now, so if you are looking for joy, don’t waste your time.

Well, College, isn’t it what I was seeking, what I was looking for? Of course yes. And If they return me back to the past and ask me again what college I want to go, I will chose Pharmacy over and over again but I am really tired of studying and dissection frog and returning back home with no power to open my eyes and moving my leg.

I am tired of not having a friend, a real friend. Why having a faithful friends became something impossible in this time? I missed my old friends who recently became perfect.

You know, I have my old classmate “z” who I hang with during the rest time but we are so much different.

For example, I was talking someday about my cousin who is going to the same college as her brother and she said that my cousin is unbelievable and insane for calling my sister by her name in the college!! What’s wrong with that?? What she wanted exactly? Calling her by other’s name or what?

I think people must call people by their name, her cousin for example is also with us in Pharmacy College and when she met him face to face, they just ignore each others and pretend that they don’t know each other’s.

Recently I discover that Mosul community has many negative points as other community .

When we are in the college, I just try to be me and talk naturally and walk naturally which is something so right and suddenly I discover its wrong. I should not walk fast even if that mean miss the lecture, I should not ask the professor questions even if that mean not understanding the lesson, I should not and I should not...

The only one I like in the college is my classmate “m” he is from Baghdad, he is open and he looks like me, began to discover the world recently and he think that talking with girls is right .I found that calling him *my little sister* so much suitable to describe him as person.

My friend “z” was OK intalking with “M” especially he is in our group in organic chemistry lab but before a couple of days she came and she was boiling and she said: If he talks with me just one more time, I will tell him that you are not allowed to talk to me when we are out of the lab.

The wrong is not with moslawi people as much it’s wrong with their fears about what other people think of them.

Leave “m” and “z” aside and talk about my fool behavior.

1- I make a fool of my self when I scream in the middle of physiology lab after the frog jump from my hand while I was trying to pithing it. The whole students looked at me and laughed* I was so close to cry that moment*

2- I made a mistake when I told the professor that there is a student who is not wearing the dressing for lab after he asked who did’t.

3- I make a joke of myself when I said my opinion about what are human’s right in peace, when I began my talking with coughing.

4- I make myself the most unwell come friend when I answer the questions ,the professor of physiology was asking, as the result, he like me, thinks that I am good in English pronunciation and he ask me my name. But in the other hand, most of the students began hating me.

5- I discover that I led myself to one of the colleges where geniuses are assembling to compete with each other’s. And I am now, feel so much fool and stupid.

I am so much not like myself today, so much UN friend with it, really not satisfied because I did’t study hard and not doing anything important for several of days.

I am feeling helpless.

Pray for me, please

HNK

Me and my new life

2007-12-01T13:04:00.000-08:00

I am, In my way to the future and I am living what might possible be a happy memory some day.

I started the college before 6 days and it’s... it's

It’s a life; it’s something beyond my normal life. Something wonderful, something new, it’s what I need.

We are taking 7 subject and they are:

Physiology, cell biology, organic chemistry, English language, medical statistic, Anatomy and human rights :) all in English but the last one is not.

Physiology looks interesting and amuse especially that Dr Basaam is wonderful man, he really work hard, I hold a great respect to him from the first lesson.

Next week we'll have our first physiology lab and the Dr asked each student to bring a frog with them to the lab :) I have an idea about what we'll do in those frogs but you really don't want to know. But the problem is I didn’t find any frog in our garden, I asked my entire relative to look for one for me and I didn’t get any frog yet. In spite the fact that I love Frog, I am so eager to ….*you know*.

Dr Omar who takes us Anatomy subject look good too, look like he is a popular teacher in both pharmacy and medical colleges.

Cell biology (cytology) being given by Dr. Farah (women) she is good but she talks so fast and gives us so much homeworks.

Medical statistic was my biggest nightmare in the first two lessons, I don't like her. Anyway, I studied the lessons one more time with my mom and I think I understood it inshallah.

We are about 120 students in Pharmacy College; the boys are not more than 25. The boys are so polite and quite and they are studying all the time, when we had our rest time, the girls spread in the university and went to bought sandwiches and had fun and the boys stayed in their places like an old mans who have nothing but books to read. They make me angry, why all that studying??

The most enjoying time I spent this week in the college is in the human right’s lesson. The teacher asked us to define what human right, and this question let us hear the boys’ voices for the first time ever. One commented that not all the people deserved to be called a human and this comment made everyone laugh, he really have a special idea but I don’t know why we all boys and girls didn’t control ourselves without laughing. One other boy began talking about France revolution and He said that he read book about this revolution and he made sure that everyone know that he had read a book. Talking about this revolution as an answer for every question and giving insensible answers.

During this month,

I thought a lot of me and who is really me!! And I decided that I need more time to spend with me and so I will work hard this year for me. Me, is the one that I am really don’t know, I don’t know what color she prefer? What desert she love? Which stories she like? And who is really she…

She, maybe the girl that survive,

The one that always be a live

Maybe the victim of this war,

The one who is really looking for

Maybe the rain that falling down,

The one who never want to get down

Maybe the weakest girl in world,

But not the weakest letter in these words

For the sake of me and my dreams, for the sake of that smile which was given to non but me, for the sake of my grandpa and for the sake of my country and for the sake of my religion and my God, I will be better person this year. I will find me.

I will not give up doing something to change the whole situation around me and me…. I want to know my destination; I want to draw the whole road that leading to the end and in the end I will be life in secure.

وكأن كل ما حولي مُقدِم على التغيير, وكأن كل بذرة على وشك التزهير. وكأني نفسي أنا لقيت دربا وفيه سوف أسير. ولأول مره أعرف وجهتي, و لأول مره أعرف ميعاد رحلتي ولاول مره أترك أنا غرفتي و قلمي يستبق فكرتي وفكرتي تستبق رواية قصتي وقصتي تستبق الحدث وكأنني عرفت الآن هويتي ,عرفت الآن غايتي ..بات كل شيءٍ الآن واضح.

أن شاء الله واضح

eyes on my life

2007-11-13T12:06:00.000-08:00

Salam to all,

The winter is coming and the weather is getting cold every day, Najma and Aya have a flue already, and I am not feeling fine theses couple of days.

I have very good news, I was accepted in pharmacy college in Mosul University.

I am so eager to go throw this experience and start a new life as a college student. I still remember very well my first steps in the primary school and I still remember how scare I was and how I spent the first days following Najma from place to place. Najma, Poor girl, happy because I didn’t apply to her college. Who want to be with a sister in the same college anyway!!

A way from her eyes is a great opportunities for me to be natural, but my cousin who is two years older than me is also learning pharmacy in the same college so I am not really can do stupidities and get away from them without being noticed. I know that my cousin is very good boy and he will help me while being in college but I am still not relieve for the idea of having a relative in my college.

I am still not sure when I will start my college but I guess the time is not far away.

I will see a people, I will see streets and will learn knowledge ( I will have a life) .

PٍS:all our study and courses are in English, I know my English is good but I don’t know any of the medical words, I can’t even pronounce most of them. I am searching for a medical dictionary, better to be English-Arabic. And if you find a dictionary I can download it on computer it’s will be great even if it’s English- English.

---------------------

The situation is Mosul is still getting worse but in the other hand there are things getting better. A few roads which were close last two months, today they are open.

Talking about negative situation:

Before two weeks, our neighbor’s brother who is about 30 years old, married and having a kid did’t return to home. They thought that he was kidnapped and they waited a call from the people who kidnapped him, wanted money for the sake of his release. Unfortunately, no one call. And two days later he was found in the postmortem room. Today, our neighbor called and said that he is leaving Iraq to Armenia .

The basic is:

We are still insecure and in danger even when we are in our own house. But life goes on.

Your pharmacist friend from iraq

Pictures from around Mosul

2007-11-08T01:30:00.000-08:00

...

2007-11-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

Salam to all,

As you all know, I finished my hight school this year with a good average, high enough to enter the collage I want.

After I got my mark, I began to think seriously about what I want to be. I always dream to go to Pharmacy College but for some reason I hesitated about it.

To be a pharmacist is a good and suitable job for me if I will work in Iraq. But Will I have a future as a pharmacist if I’ll leave Iraq!! . I don’t trust the situation to be better tomorrow.

So, I was between choosing to go to pharmacy college, Dentistry College and Art cultural college. I asked for advices, I hear people opinions and I was completely lost. I was really unable to take a decision and that make me feel very angry.

After a while I removed Art cultural college from my list and I began to take different decision everyday, everyday I change my mind and everyday I fall apart.

I compare between the two collages and it’s led me to:

If I chose Dentistry College I will be called a doctor, I will have a future job outside Iraq. Dentistry College is easier to study than Pharmacy College, the building of dentistry college loohs great, but in the other hand, I will be hated by all children and I am not sure if I will not hate myself too. I can’t imagine myself putting my hand in someone’s mouth. I can’t stand the smell of the mouths. At the end, I asked my dentist for advice and he said that pharmacy is more suitable for women.

Although, Pharmacy is very hard college, may not have a good future as a job, the building of pharmacy’s college look like a Gail and pharmacist are called chemists in some other countries; but I am very much like chemistry and I am in love with everything associated with it. Pharmacy was always the college I dreamed of. So I took my options and write:

Mosul University, the college of pharmacy as the first option

Mosul University, the college of dentistry as the second option

Usually, Medicine College is the college number one which needs the highest marks; the dentistry college is the college number two and then pharmacy college. Although my marks are high enough to go to Medicine College, but I never think to be a doctor. It’s a hard job in Iraq especially after the war. Doctors are in danger to be kidnapped and to be murder plus they have to sleep in the hospitals. And I am completely surrounded by doctor, my father, my uncle, my sister and my brother in law. I don’t think I am going to be good on that, seeing blood, seeing injured people. I have a weak heart, I know I can’t stand all that.

Anyway, although I chose Pharmacy College but I have to take an exam and then my mark will lead me to one of the two colleges: pharmacy or dentistry.

I am eager to go to college but the problem is, I am not studying. I tried and tried but I got nothing. I can’t focus in what I am reading; in fact I read the book and my mind in something else. I can’t help it… But my position is still good, even if I'll get zero.

see you later,

The girl who was H.N.K

Or not

2007-10-22T00:50:00.000-07:00

Are we crazy or we are not?

Before a couple of days, Najma’s friend told her that she will do a visit to our house the day after. Najma was planning to make بسكت بارد (sort of sweet), she didn’t have a time to cook it during the day so at about one am and while I was working on the computer; I saw the light of the kitchen lit on.” Najma surely lose her mind, cooking sweet after the mid-night” I thought.

A minute later, she came asking for help which is something I ready to do especially if this help is cooking. We were both in the kitchen cooking, laughing and trying not to make noise so we won’t be cauught by grandma or mom who will definitely tell everyone that we were cooking sweet in the night, and because my aunt in law is one from everyone’s group, that will lead us to be the major subject in the latest news. After all, we were enjoying our private process and we were wondering if we are crazy or not J

While we were both in the middle of this, the electricity turns off.

In the dark, we were both laughing and sure that we are crazy. Anyway, the dark didn’t stop us from continuing what we had started. Thanks Allah, we didn’t be caught but there was certainly shock look on mom’s face when she opened the refrigerator and saw the sweet ;)

Is there a curfew or there is not?

The day after that, Najma’s friend came to our house as we expected but she only staid for a quarter an hour and her brother called her and said that the policemen said that there is a curfew. Minutes later, her father came to take her and she went without tasting the sweet, without finishing Najma’s photo album, and without open a subject to talk about.

Can you believe this?

An hour later the curfew ended, she is certainly a lucky girl L

Are we chickens or we are not?

There is a fact say there are no cars in the street after 7pm and there is another fact says Iraqi people go to sleep at about 10 pm and the question is: when did the chicken go to sleep, before or after 10?

In my case and in Najma’s case and in the case of each young Iraqi we won’t go to bed before 11 pm because we are * I don’t know* and because other reasons which I don’t really realize them yet but in our parents’ case, oh yeah they do go to bed early. My mom was talking with her brother on the net who live in United Arab emirate and he mentioned that he will go to eat ice cream in the 9 pm, mom told him that she is fighting to keep awake and not sleep till 10 and he was unbelieving that and he questioned “ are you chickens?”

So really are we chickens?

Is it a life or it’s not?

I can’t forget that during Saddam’s time, we were go to eat ice cream everyday after midnight. Oh, I want the old days to come back, I want the old day to come back. I want to see the moon, to see the sky afternoon, to see the hope coming soon, to see the life like a movie cartoon not like a frighten movie night, not like that. I want to be a normal girl, living a normal life. Not this girl who is sitting in front of the computer, writing a diary and trying to be such a funny, lovely girl. I want to take off hnk’s nickname and I want to throw out her bad memories and I want to clean her heart from pain and I want just to be myself and just to talk to myself and just to hear my voice and just to play my role.

I just want to be..

To be someone else

PC: I wonder if she is me who write in this blog or she is not!

And I wonder if she is not, so who is she? I wonder…

Yours,

Me, myself not I

Just talking

2007-10-19T01:28:00.000-07:00

عيد بأي حال عدت يا عيد ….. بما مضى أم لأمـر فيك تجديد

أما الأحبة فالبيـداء دونهم …. فليت دونـك بيد دونهـا بيد

In eleventh of October, the sound of a huge explosion woke me up from my dear sleep. A bomb in van exploded in the neighbourhood near al Sina'a region. Many people died and many people lost their stores and other buildings.

I feel sorry for those who lost their stores and buildings (I have a heart, you know) but am I really feeling sorry for the people who died!! I don't think so (see, I don't really have a heart). I feel sorry for their parents and their children but not for them. Life is not what we look for nor what we seek or what we are good at. I am not sorry because I know that they were not happy.

Life is a game and it's so clear that we are losing it. The people who died are obviously the people who pressed "quit" to end the game. It's maybe unwise to end the game before we finish it, but they win the battle even if they lose the war.

Away from violence, Life will go on and on

(a drowning man will clutch at a straw).

______________________________

Since we came back from Syria, I and Najma (my sister) spent hours every day trying our new clothes. Hours and hours passed with changing clothes and one question kept repeating itself: when will we really wear this clothes?

Finally the first day of Eid came and I was able to wear my new clothes ( I wondered why the picture of myself wearing those clothes is so familiar!!:)

On the first day of Eid, all my uncles, aunts and cousins came to our house. It's the first Eid after my grandpa's death and it's a tradition to visit the family of the dead person in Al-Eid.

My father's cousin also came to our house. All I did on this first day of Eid was boil water and make coffee. After 7 hours of making coffee and serving it, I was completely tired but really happy indeed.

Now Ramadan and Eid are over and our usual boring life remains and is not over.

Do you know what else is over? This post is over.

So until our next post

Good bye

Some pictures from our kitchenٍ

2007-10-18T04:59:00.000-07:00

Eid Sa3eed

2007-10-11T13:55:00.000-07:00

Truth will prevail

2007-10-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

Salam all,

First I have an announcement:

If you want to make a visit to my house, you are welcome. You can find me in there anytime. I am not going anywhere; I don't intend to go to anywhere. I am not going to lie and say that I don't like going out and making visits but you are a very dear guest. * If you lied once you can make another lie*.

I am spending my holiday in my house. Don't think it's a boring holiday. I am doing all the sort of things that you do.

I sometime go for a walk. Taking some steps from one room to another. From kitchen to guest room, from bedroom to bathroom, and some time I make progress and go to our backyard just for a walk in the garden. You know walking is a good sport.

There is something you don't know about me; it's how much I love music. I think I have a musician ears. I like music, je l'aime.

It seem like the pilots of the American airplanes heard about my interest in the sound of the warplane and military airplane ( not true) but they really seem like they have an order not to let anyone sleep. I am so sorry for disappointing them. I woke up one day and I found myself in love with the sound they make. It's not like other sounds; these sounds are special and they are a natural sound. They are like bed's song . They are not merely an annoying, ugly, awful, hideous sounds and impossible to hear. They help mothers to hush their babies. They help the community to discover the valuable of silence.

If speech was made from silver, then silent is made from gold.

I am not a bookish girl; I never will be. But the situation in Mosul gave me an unwanted present. It's a space time. Therefore I found myself ending reading one book and start to read another. I don't know why I didn't do that ages ago!! Reading is really amusing and a useful habit. I read a police story written by Agatha Kristy. And I read two books of Harry Potter's series and some other stories and useful books. Reading a book is much easier than writing a book, don't you think?

I am still holding tightly what hope I have remaining especially after I survived last night.

At about 1 A.M I went out of my room. I was half asleep and my eyes were nearly closed and there was creature with green evil eyes looking at me. It seemed like it had an invitation to enter my room. It was walking towards me and my room when my brain finally receives a call that this creature is a cat.

"CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!", I shouted loudly and pushed my way back into my room and closed the door behind me and I began to scream and yell for help. " There is a cat in the house!", I shouted and Najma (My sister who knows very well how much I hate cats and how much I am afraid from the sight of them) woke up my father and told him the story.

My father went upstairs where my room is and he saw the cat running from the warehouse's window. He told me that the cat left and that I am safe now, but I insisted that he walk downstairs with me hand-in-hand. My father was very furious and he said to me "You are lucky, the cat didn't eat you".

I don't expect him to be proud of my brave behavior because I was really shaking and full of fears. Anyway, I survived and the cat didn't eat me.

Najma as usual didn't stop giggling at me. Hmm, I miss the old times when I was the brave girl and she was the one who don't have the courage to enter the kitchen without the company of someone. I invented the story that there is a ghost named Shahrurah living in the kitchen and since then, she didn't enter the kitchen alone.

I don't know what the reason that makes the people here feel bored and wishing that they could leave Iraq. Najma, for example, is reading a book called Faster Than The Speed of Light and she is reading something about transport across time !! (I told you she is weird, But you didn't listen!) She wants to live the future without living the present!! *yuk*

Why did anybody want to live in the future since everything is going to worse? why does anybody want to live another second, another hour, and another day?

Who said she will find herself in the future anyway? Who said she will be alive? Who said there will be a life?

It's very difficult to understand the incentives and the reasons that make her think that there will be a better future.

Your friend from present,

H.N.K (The survivor)

The first of October

2007-10-04T14:50:00.000-07:00

Remember remember the first of October the Gunpowder, treason and plot. I see no reason why the gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...

Remember remember the first of October
The date of disaster, the date of …
ANOTHER DISASTER

The first of November was the first day of going to university after the summer holiday.

Najma (my sister) was so eager to start her second year in her college * what can I say! She is so weird*

My sister, my mother went to Mosul University and my mother planned with Najma that If her lessons end early, she will go to my mother college and they will go back home together and if not, Najma will be waiting for my dad near Najma’s college.

Although Najma is not a good listen girl, she followed the instructions.

At about 1 PM bomb car exploded in the same place where Najma and my dad arrange to meet.

I was in the house numbering the walls in each chamber of it, and guess what? In each chamber, there are 4 walls, not more not less.

I didn’t hear the an explosion but I hear my cell phone ringing (my mobile) and it was my dad who was calling me

- Alo - WHERE ARE YOU?
- Dad, I am hnk. Is there any place I could be in except home!
- I thought I called your mom... CLOSE THE PHONE
- Ok * It’s not my fault, is it?*

I thought that my mother didn’t meet my father in the place they planned to meet (as usual).

Frankly speaking, my father was calling my mother after he saw a fire and a bomb car in the place where he should meet Najma. So he called my mother to see whether Najma went to my mother’s college and survive or not?

Did she die or did she not? This is the question

She did finish her lessons soon and went to my mother’s college and remain there .There, is where she heard the explosion of the bomb car, there is where my mother sat shocked because she was so close to lose a daughter and there is where Najma found a new and another reason to say when we ask her to do some of house work
-“I was going to die today, and you want me to wash the dishes?? “

They met my dad and ran back home before the police closed the streets.

And while I was studying the theory that says “All chambers have but only one roof”, my cell phone rang again.
She was my mom and she said :
“we are going to see your cousin, bomb car took place near the university and your cousin was injured “

Suddenly and before any warning the tears fell down and my shaking voice said “how is he??”

My mother assured me that he is fine; she said that they didn’t see him yet, but he drove his car by himself and went to his house.

My cousin told them the whole story. He was shopping in front of the university, buying watermelon, and a car in the next street exploded. He said that the sound was so loud. that he couldn't belive that he still can hear.

After the explosion he found him self lying on the ground far away from the place he was standing and the shop keeper was also lying in the ground but in another side which is also away from where he was.
He said that there was money and watermelons every where. His clothes had tears and he was injured in his legs.

The situation was so crowded at that moment, there were 6 injured people (4 of them are student) and there was one dead man (he was a teacher in the university) this is the information I heard in the news (of course there were more injured people that are not count (the news couldn’t cover everything) such as my cousin.

My cousin left the place and drove his car to his house before his mother and wife heard the news.

He left the watermelon he bought and his money in the ground as a sign, sign talks and said :

Here is where a man was lying…
Here is where a man left his belonging stuff and took his soul to his child and family. A soul which is maybe a reason of the life of some people.

At the end I could improve the theory: The chamber has but only one roof

Hidden tears

2007-09-27T12:43:00.000-07:00

I admit and acknowledge that my dreams are dreams.

And my ambition is an ambition

And my destiny is a destiny

And my faith is my faith.

And my soul is a soul

But what I can’t admit and can’t understand

Why my life is not mine.

I feel like someone being led, like some one being controlled.

like someone stifly his voice and hide his tears...

And keep pretenting he is fine and wish invisibly that he will be