MamaSense

She's here....

2009-09-12T21:35:00.001-05:00

Our newest family member arrived yesterday. She was born at 43 weeks 3
days gestation and tipped the scales at 9 pounds exactly. We had our
homebirth as planned, but I'll say right now that the process of
giving life to another through natural birth was beyond any of my
conceptions.

This is a photo of our girls encountering each other for the first
time. Enjoy, and please feel free to bask in the after glow with me. I
can't stop smiling.

Overdue

2009-09-02T07:53:00.001-05:00

My lovely midwife tells me I need a new vocab. Because my baby is not
15 days overdue it's on time...it's just on it's own schedule.
Nevertheless I'm as teary, uncomfortable, and grumpy as one would
expect at 42 weeks gestation. Thanks for the well wishes. Will update
when I actually have this kid.

Week Counting

2009-06-26T15:04:00.002-05:00

I can't think of any other stage in my life where I have used weeks to mark the passage of time. It strikes me as a little odd that pregnancy is that way though. At the beginning it feels like 40 weeks is the longest time ever. I mean EVER. It feels like it will never get here, so just don't think about it or dwell on how long you will be a bloated porpoise or how long it will take for you to blow up to bloated porpoise size. For the record, I haven't ever seen a bloated porpoise, or any porpoise for that matter, but it sounds round and bulbous, and that's how I feel, so there.

I'm a little hesitant to post this, because I don't want to give it any more of my attention...as if that will somehow make it more true, or more likely to remain true, but I'm a big mouth...At our last midwife appointment, our baby was breech. For most moms this is absolutely no big deal. Afterall, I was only 32 weeks preggo at the time (now I'm 32.5). Right after our midwife determined the position, baby flipped transverse (sideways for those not familiar with the lingo) which is a good sign meaning that there is still plenty of room for the head to wedge itself down into my pelvis.

It's early, and at the appointment and all throughout the rest of the day I was fine. I didn't worry about it, but then all of the memories of being powerless to do anything to stop my inevitable c-section last time came rushing back. I bawled that night. I worried that I was selfish to seek the birth that I want, that I might not be strong enough to do the birth thin, that I might not be worthy, ya know, your usual run of the mill gammet of self pity and loathing.

I woke up and was fine in the morning and ever since. I'm working on focusing what is within my power, trusting my body and the birth process, and just relaxing a bit...plus adding in some chiropractic appointments for good measure.

I go back to the midwife next week (at 33.5 weeks if you're counting), and hopefully I'll have some great news to share!!

30 weeks

2009-06-12T21:35:00.001-05:00

Okay, I swear I didn't fall off the face of the earth. I'm still here, and this is what I look like tonight. Today I am 30.5 weeks pregnant. And yes, that is me standing in our new livingroom. If you look closely you can see our gorgeous hardwood floors, but don't look too closely, I haven't swept in a few days...and our dog tends to shed that luxurious golden winter coat...everywhere.

In general things are pretty great. We have our health....oh wait, except that we had to take babyjama to the hospital today to make sure that she didn't have life threatening epiglotitis. One short x-ray and blood test later, we found out that she had just what we expected all along...croup, and she'll basically just get better on her own. Thank you modern medicine. Don't get me wrong, I love ruling out life threatening diseases, but I'm pregnant and cumbersome, and I'm allowed to be grumpy about pacing the halls of the hospital while we wait for the results of the tests and balancing a groggy tot above my belly. I seriously don't understand why my biceps aren't bigger from all the heavy lifting that I do. I should look like Schwarzenegger from his body building days (at least from shoulder to fingertip).

In other news, babyjama is two years old as of this past weekend. I cannot believe how big she is. I mean I can, but part of me remembers that squishy newborn, and I can't seem to get it in my mind that she's not that person anymore, well she is...only bigger and smarter, with more hair and smellier poop.

This pregnancy is so different from the last. First off, it's going by so quickly. I sort of held my breath between prenatal appointments the first time around and willed them to come earlier. I just loved hearing baby progress of any kind. I still love hearing progress, but this time around it feels like a week or so goes by and my next appointment is upon us. The other day I caught a glimpse of myself in a reflection of our door, and I couldn't believe how huge my belly had gotten. Okay, seriously, last time I gained about 50 pounds....possibly more, and this time I've gained 20 so far. So I get that I'm not really "huge", but we have no full length mirrors in the house, so to see my whole self like that was kind of a shock. Anyway, so back to the prenatal visits, we had one this past weekend, and I can't believe that I'm 10 weeks away, and already next weekend we'll be seeing our midwife again. We're down to the end of pregnancy stuff. I'm well into the third trimester, and I'm wondering where all my preparation time has gone.

Oh, and I have a confession to make. I have not bought one thing for the new baby. Not one. I haven't even started making the baby a blanket (although I do have a pattern picked out). Does that make me love this baby less or something? It's so strange. With babyjama everything we bought for her, and with the new baby it's like "meh, we can make all the old stuff work for this one too". We didn't find out what sex babyjama was either, so we have tons of newborn and 3 month onesies that wouldn't mortify a young man on prom night when I show his date the photos. Really I think that's all a baby needs for the first couple of months...well other than diapers, and we will have to get some extras of those, but for the most part, we're even going to be reusing our cloth diapers.

I won't bore you with all of my pregnancy aches and pains...or maybe I will. If you don't like to read about other people's bodily stuff, please avert your eyes. I'll do a little *** when I'm all done.

1) My back is freaking killing me. I know all pregnant women complain of this, but seriously, mine could catch fire and I wouldn't notice a difference. It's been much worse this week with all of the holding babyjama cradled in my arms with sickness.

2) I seriously think my pelvis is breaking in two. I know it's kind of supposed to do that, but come one, can't it just do that during labor?!

3) The bottom of my feet are crying out from the extra weight. I've gained 20 pounds, and I now understand why people who gain a lot of weight develop joint and foot problems, and I feel for them...a lot.

4) My bowels seem to be protesting the way that little Gonzo is taking up their space. Gonzo seems to think that's funny and keeps stretching and growing like a big F-You to my internal parts...and my internal parts are tattling and whining about it. Just for the record, I don't like bullies or tattle tales.

5) Did I mention my back?

***

Okay, yeah, I think I've used up my computer time, but I couldn't seem to stay away any longer.

Transforming Dingy

2009-04-14T12:48:00.003-05:00

Update** We are on day three of no dairy, and the rash seems much better. And by seems much better, I can say that we got a full night of sleep last night for the first time in a week. I am thanking the allergy gods for this one, because good lord mama needed her some sleep.

I have realized that I haven't updated on our new house situation, well, at all. The house is coming along beautifully (and well, it should be since papajama and my dad have been spending a good portion of their lives there). I am so pleased with the progress so far. Sadly, I don't think I can get the "before" pictures of the interior to upload onto this computer, but I'll try and create a little visual for you.

The living room and dining room are what one sees when you first enter our new home. When work began, the first thing that greeted you was a stale smell, and stained light blue carpet throughout. The living room and dining room walls were mostly papered with a light pink and blue floral wall paper that had just a hint of a metallic sheen to it (I'm guessing it was circa 1989). There were a couple of walls that had been painted blue (I'm guessing as accent walls) to match the paper. Oh, and all of the paper was browned and icky from cigarette smoke. Okay, that's not just the front rooms either. The ceilings had an awful texture on them that looked like it could impale someone if they were able to hang out up there. And the whole house was a bit dingy from years of cigarette smoke.

From the lovely dining room, you can enter the kitchen. The cabinets are simple, and have a nice finish to them, but again, there was the choice of wall paper. A pink, blue, and off-white confetti pattern (complete with texture) greeted the eye in the tiny kitchen.

Down the hall and straight ahead is the children's room...well it's babyjama's room for now, but we plan to let the kids share it for a couple of years. It's walls were bright blue with disgustingly discolored white trim. The remainder of the rooms were painted a white or off white color that wasn't so bad, but like I said, the whole place had been discolored from all of the cigarette smoke.

Now, 8 days until move-in day, there has been quite a bit of progress. The entire downstairs has been repainted. My sister-in-law makes fun of me because I use the actual names of the paint colors to describe them. Our livingroom and diningroom and downstairs hall have been painted in "baked brie"...which is basically a yellowish off-white. It just looked white until the trim got painted white.

The children's room is a light green, to go with either boy or girl things. On a side note, I've been searching and searching for a new bedspread for babyjama so that she can have a coordinated room.

The master bedroom is painted a deep gray that I LOVE. It is such a soothing gray, and I can't wait to wake up in the morning surrounded in it.

Oh yeah, and the kitchen hasn't been painted yet. It will be a dark blue, and I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Now that the bulk of the painting has been finished, attention is shifting to the floors. All the carpets have been pulled out, and the floors are being prepared to be refinished this weekend. It's like a new house every time I walk into our place. Honestly, it doesn't look...or smell anything like it did when we bought it. I'm so glad that we were able to look past the UUUUgly and see the charm of this house. We're going to be very happy there, and I can't see us moving again for a VERY long time.

22 Weeks and the Creepy Crawlies

2009-04-13T07:53:00.002-05:00

Yeah, 22 weeks today. Not really much to tell in the pregnancy realm. I'm still growing and the baby kicks a lot, but pretty much no news is good news at this point. I'm in that middle stage where I can't really complain much. Sure, I have incessant pregnancy acne (someone told me that means a girl), my lower back is sore, and I'm prone to bouts of heartburn, but all in all, it's not a bad gig. There is always someone who is willing to rub a pregnant lady's feet (unless there's no one around), so I figure it's a fair trade off.

Babyjama has a bad rash that I sometimes like to refer to as the creepy-crawly-itchy. It doesn't seem to bother her until the middle of the night, at which time she begs me to amputate her left leg...which I refuse to do...so we settle for me putting some soothing lotion on it and sitting on the couch with her while she dozes back off while watching a movie. So, if my face looks a little puffy this week, I'm blaming it on sleepless nights. I refuse to resign myself to looking puffy for the rest of the pregnancy...I have a long way to go still, and yes, I still have a bit of vanity left in me.

After one sleepless night I made babyjama a doctor's appointment. She asked me some questions about babyjama's rash, and what makes it better or worse, etc. Then she took one look at it and said she thought it was food related. THAT was not what I wanted to hear. And then she went on to say that she thought it was dairy related (babyjama's favorite food). At that point I punched the nice doctor in the face and took my business elsewhere. Okay, so I didn't punch her, or take my business elsewhere, but it's not easy to hear that you have to cut out your child's favorite food...even for a couple of weeks. I resisted for the first couple of days. I thought that maybe I could just switch to organic products and cut down...but after three nights with no sleep, I'll try anything.

Papajama and I went to work hard on a dairy free/easily substituted menu last night, and actually it wasn't that bad. I didn't think I would be able to think of anything to make, but it's going to be fine. Let's just hope that I don't have to do this over the long term. I want to be able to order a pizza again sometime in this life.

Urination Investigation

2009-04-08T12:48:00.003-05:00

Ah, it feels good to be sitting in this chair, in this particular chair where I write all of my blog posts. I haven't been on the computer to just sit and relax in over a week. Sure I have my phone to check email and be able to read a blog post here and there, but it isn't the same at all.

Yesterday, as with the Tuesday two weeks ago, babyjama was driving me absolutely batshit crazy. Maybe that's not very nice to say of my offspring, but there was a short amount of time before bed last night when I thought I might scream. I didn't really know if I would be able to stop if I got started, so I reconsidered.

Babyjama has taken to urinating in inconvenient places around the house. This was the case two weeks ago, and I thought we had nipped it in the bud, but yesterday every time the phone rang she would find a spot and let loose. And I know it's on purpose. My little darling tot knows how to use the potty, and apparently she also knows exactly the spot that will make me angriest if she pees there.

I'm pretty sure that she's acting out because she needs more attention, or more stimulation, or something. I have been spending far too much time on the phone the past couple of weeks, and I am working on that. But seriously, how many more times can all of the towels in the house, and all of the bedding in the house need washing before they send me to Betty Ford?

I know it isn't just that stuff that is causing the misbehavior though. Our life is kind of upside down right now. Papajama is gone all day at work, and all evening working on the new house. I'm packing and boxing up our posessions, and we haven't gone and done anything fun during the day in quite a while. Tomorrow she will get to play with some other kids, so hopefully that will help.

Anyway, it's rough going at the moment, but surprisingly I'm feeling really chipper today. I think the weather is helping. Happy birds chirping does usually help a situation. And we're 2.5 weeks from the big move. That has to be worth something.

Happy Wednesday!

P.S. Had another prenatal appt. last week. Everything is fantastic!

Half way there, or so they say

2009-03-30T10:34:00.002-06:00

So here I am, 20 weeks today. They say this is the half way point, but since I didn't find out about this pregnancy until rather late (like 10 weeks or so?), it seems like a much longer stretch ahead than what I've gone through so far.

This weekend we celebrated my 120th day of pregnancy (that doesn't conflict with the 20 weeks along, because they are calculated in two completely different ways). In the Sikh tradition, we celebrate the mother on the 120th day, because it is the day that the baby's soul chooses her as his/her mother. Saturday was to be the day of our celebration, although I'm pretty sure that the actual 120th day was on Tuesday when babyjama and I had such a rough time. I wonder what it says about this kid that he or she chose me on a day when I was being pretty hard on the big sister? Discipline issues already?

Our celebration got curtailed a bit though, because of the crazy ice/snow storm that we had in the afternoon. My folks had made enough Thai red curry to feed an army, and all of the (2) guests that were able to make it without having to turn back due to road conditions had leftovers forced upon them. I didn't hear any complaints though.

The Hukam (reading of Sikh scriptures) that we took that day was absolutely beautiful. I'll share it with you here:

Bilawal Fifth Guru: Ek ong kar satguru prasad. By the Satguru's shabd is lighted the lamp. With that the darkness of the body temple is dispelled and the beauteous cabin of jewels is opened. Rahao. When we saw it, we were astonished and astounded. Its greatness cannot be expressed. We were enraptured and inebriated with that sight and clung to it like a warp and woof. Now no worldly involvements and snares effect us. And not even an iota of haughty intellect is left within us. Oh Lord, thou art the highest of the high. Between thee and me there is no curtain drawn. I am thine and thou art mine. The one unique lord has made the expanse of the world. The One Lord is limitless and infinite. The One Lord is extended in the creation. The One Lord is fully pervasive everywhere and the One Lord is the support of life. The most immaculate of the immaculate the purest of the pure stainless and the truest of the true is he. Nanak says there is no end to the Lord's limit. Ever infinite and the highest of the high is he.

---

In addition to the spiritual aspect, and the eating aspect, there was one other awesome thing about this celebration. Namely, the presents...for me! A 120th day celebration is not a baby shower at all, but rather is a celebration of motherhood, and the gifts center around what she will need to help her through the pregnancy and birth. I got tons of goodies. One of my favorites was a prenatal yoga DVD by a really gentle instructor. I've been doing it every day since I got it, and while I'm sore, I feel really good.

One thing that the instructor says in the class is something that at first struck me as really cheesy, but now has taken on new meaning. During this part of the yoga set, we dance and let our hips open up and flow with the music. For the last minute of the dance she says to turn it into a dance on gratefulness. She says to be grateful to all the people in your life who have helped make you who you are so that this child's soul has chosen you as a parent. At first I was resistent to this idea because it means that I would then have to be grateful for all the people along the way that have made my life a living hell, and who wants to be thankful for that? On the other hand, I don't think I can pick and choose which experiences were valuable and which were not. It just doesn't work that way.

So I am. I am filled with gratitude for those who have made me lick the bottom of their shoes, for those who have made me cower in self doubt, for those who have treated me like a nobody, for those who ridiculed and slandered me, for those who folded me in caring arms, and for those who challenged me to live up to my potential.

I was resistant to being thankful for even the "bad" relatioships, because I thought that that meant that I have to play nice, or be cheerful about those people. But that isn't the case at all. The relationship can serve the purpose of teaching, but that doesn't mean I have to embrace mistreatment as alright. On the contrary, the lesson may be to teach me to stand up against that. And that is what the gratitude is for. It is gratitude for the lesson.

Hope you are all having a happy and healthy week!

"In the Motherhood" had no moms in sight

2009-03-26T21:20:00.003-06:00

Things haven't been going so great the last week or so in the world of "my kid is a potty prodigy". In fact, things got so bad that I was glad if I caught babyjama in the act and could get her to the pot while she had a couple of trickles left to squeeze out...which is saying a lot since three weeks ago I was singing her praises for not having any accidents at all...basically ever. Well, I should say that these last few days have been full of non-potty pee incidents, rather than accidents...but I'll get into that later.

Yesterday was a freaking horrible hellatious day, that I never ever ever want to relive again ever. It was a day that tried my parenting soul to the core, but like I said I'll get to that later. Today was much better, but I was (if I'm being totally honest) looking forward to a night of good TV. Thursdays happen to be one of my favorite nights for TV, because A) there is a local restaurant review show on, and B) I'm a huge fan of "The Office". I was pretty excited that tonight was also the premier of what I thought was going to be a great new show. I had seen a bunch of previews for a "In the Motherhood", and thought it looked funny.

I thought maybe it would be a true slice of motherhood (since it supposedly is based on true mothering experience). I didn't see any of that. Sure the first scene was the single mother coming home to her house in shambles and the kids running amock and promptly walking back out the door without saying hello to any of them and going to have drinks at her sister's house. That's funny, sorta, I guess. I just don't see the slice of reality I'm hoping for. The truth is that moms really don't get to just decide not to go home. In fact, I know of some single working moms who fight really hard to get one evening once a month to themselves. Forget about just deciding not to come home in the evening.

Okay, so maybe I can get past the fact that nothing is realistic. It's a show, and nothing on TV is supposed to be realistic. Fine. But the humor? I think it was supposed to be funny because moms are supposed to relate. And there were definitely a few silly lines that got me to chuckle, like the one about missing being pregnant because it makes your legs look skinny. That was definitely funny. But the whole story line? The mom who needs to have sex because it's supposedly the third date? The "mom" from Will and Grace who pretends to be pregnant for the free loot? And the perfectionist mom who tells her kids that Santa isn't real in order to claim that she's completely honest with her kids? I just don't relate to these women.

I guess what I was hoping for was more of a Seinfeld type of Mom show. It doesn't really have to be about anything, because to me that's what makes motherhood so interesting and funny. The silly little things that happen every day. It's a mundane job, and to try and make it into a tight little story line like that is trite and well, dumb. I think they should have some of my favorite bloggers as writers for the show. I would so like to see this story reenacted on TV. Or watch this kind of single mom. Or see this happen in a day in the life of a stay at home TV mom (not all of our kids go to preschool while we run on the treadmill...with blonde hair bouncing)

Another bone that I have to pick, is that I feel like this show is using some stereotypes of moms that are just kind of annoying. There is the bitchy perfectionist mom. Her house is perfect, her hair is perfect, her kids are perfect, and her sex life is perfect. The scattered single mom. She brings her personal life to work, her house is a mess...her life is chaos. The dettached mom. She isn't into her kid, because she's gotten older and wants to focus on herself. Anyway, I guess I was looking for more well rounded characters, people I could relate to or something.

I might give the show a second chance (only because the commercials for the show really were that good), but my hopes are not high.

Okay, so I really will fill you in on how my child is way too smart, and she has learned to use urine as a weapon, but I think I have to save it for another post. I'm beat...and I should be. Seeing as how this pregnant body-o-mine is already past its automatic shut-off time for the evening.

Separation

2009-03-19T21:11:00.003-06:00

Finally, we're no longer in a holding pattern for the house. And it all ended up favorably for us. A few minutes after I last posted, I called our realtor and told her that we weren't going to put down even one more penny to get this house. She said okay, and I thought the house was gone.

Later that evening I talked to her again, and in fact she and our lender had hatched a deal. They would pay for the cost of the contract being delayed for two days, and then they got their asses in gear and that got it done. I really think that it was partially a matter of their own money being on the line. We closed yesterday, but it really didn't sink in until papajama started work on the house today.

Yep, we're now homeowners...with all that that entails.

This is not the only tying up of loose ends that has been going on lately. Last night we had dinner with my folks to celebrate the closing, and my sister, Z, was there. She and I are closest in age, but we've been pretty emotionally distant from each other in the last couple of years. We had a pleasant enough evening, but right as babyjama was starting to squawk (signaling that it was time to go home), Z and I began to bicker a little. Nothing heated, just kind of snippy...and as usual it was about something small. Both of us just wanted to save face.

Z and I are not strangers to arguing with each other, and in earlier days, we used to take turns knocking the spit out of each other too...usually using tactics such as hair-pulling, scratching, holding each other down, and don't forget throwing objects (we come by that last one honestly, but I won't tell you how).

Anyway, when I got home I realized that she had been right and so I called her. To my surprise we ended up having a deep conversation about how neither of us feels very important in the others' life and how much we care about each other and want to be more involved. It was the age old dilemma. I thought she found me boring for being a housewife and mom and she thought that I didn't think her life was important because she has chosen a more career oriented path. Turns out, neither of those perceptions is true. We're both just bad at putting ourselves out there, and making each other a priority.

The whole thing was much more lengthy and blubbery than that, full of I love yous and relief that all we really want is more attention from each other. As my dad said this afternoon, "wanting to be more involved with each other is a good problem to have."

It's such an awkward transition between being childhood and adolescent siblings to being adult siblings. Z and I used to get so sick of each other. We shared a room in our early years, shared all of our toys, shared most of our friends. It shouldn't be any wonder that we fought a lot, but at the same time, we were best friends. We hatched schemes, started clubs, picked fights (with others), giggled in the dark together.

Then as adolescence came, we went to separate schools, made different friends, and basically went our own separate ways. I went off to college and didn't really look back much. Sure we had a few weekends together here and there, and would occasionally spend a day parked on my folks' couch, but there was never the same level of fierce love and intense anger back again. It's one of those things you'd never think that you'd miss, until you do.

We knew the most intimate details about each other growing up. Including all of the secret family stuff that would make anyone else run for the hills. I think back now and it's a collection of facts and memories and emotions, but we don't know much about each other as grown women. It was a gradual transition, but we seemed to be absent for it in each other's lives.

I know that that conversation last night was a wonderful start, and I'm truly looking forward to the time that we'll spend catching up, but part of me is just mourning the loss of the old times. Of the people that we used to be. It was simple. We sometimes drove each other crazy, but no matter what we were...

Inseparable.

Was I bigger 2 weeks ago?

2009-03-16T14:49:00.002-06:00

According to this picture I was not bigger two weeks ago, but have actually grown. However, from just looking down I don't see any difference whatsoever. So there you have it. I haven't grown...although according to my updates from Baby Center, the baby has doubled in size in these past couple of weeks...which would probably explain why I've been eating us out of house and home.

Before posting this picture, I asked papajama over and over again if it looked like my butt was showing even though it isn't. He looked at me like I was crazy probably thinking "how can it look like your butt is showing if no one can see your butt"...men...they don't get anything. He says "no, of course not." But I'm not so sure...Anyway, it really isn't showing, those pants just fit weird these days.

We were supposed to close on our house on Friday. It didn't happen. In fact, now an hour before our contract is set to expire, we still don't know if we're getting it at all. The lender says everything will be fine, the realtor isn't so sure, and papajama and I are just positive that we're not shelling out another penny. If that means we lose the thing, we lose it.

I'm in a kind of funk about the whole thing. I was so sad this morning. I had been okay about the possibility of losing the house. Thinking that we would find the right one for us, and all that flowery stuff about how things will work out for the best...blah de blah blah blah. Then I looked at the listings online, and I remembered why we had jumped at this house. It was one of the only ones that had mainly cosmetic work to be done on it, and that wasn't a ranch. Don't get me wrong, ranch houses are nice, but papajama and I were looking for something with a little more character...some pizazz. It just isn't so great if this house falls through our fingers...

But we're sticking to our guns this time. We're not putting out one more measly dime in order to secure this house. We got burned really bad last week when we found out that the house might be a no go. We were sitting waiting for our final walk through at the time, and got the call while gazing at our new home...that's not the time to tell someone that things may be slipping through the cracks. Turns out our loan people didn't read the paperwork closely enough the week before and hadn't realized there was a problem (WTF!? right?). So now, we're down to crunch time. if we don't hear back that everything is a go in mere minutes, we're pulling the plug. One of those things that I've heard expert poker players say is that you can't keep playing because of the money you've already lost. That's money under the bridge. You just have to play based on the cards in your hand. The cards in our hand say that we can't trust the people who are telling us that if we pay a little extra to get things held over until tomorrow, that everything is going to be okay. Everything was supposed to be okay last week, and it wasn't.

The bright side is that we hadn't planned on moving right away, so we weren't all packed, and we hadn't given notice in our house now. So we're sitting pretty with a roof over our head. It's just such a disappointment.

This is what I looked like at 22 weeks last time.

2009-03-05T16:55:00.003-06:00

Hello again friends, so this picture was taken this morning when I was approximately 16 weeks 3 days pregnant. My haven't we grown in the past 2 weeks!!! I love the belly aspect of pregnancy, I get giddy every time that I notice that I actually have a preggo belly sticking out there.

I had another prenatal visit this past weekend. I love my midwife more every time that I see her. She gave me some exercises to do for the litany of round ligament/sacrum pains that I've been having. It's basically to roll my pelvis around in any position that I can in order to get my pelvis all lined up right. Saturday night I started out lying on the floor gently rocking my pelvis around, trying to get whatever is causing that jolting pain above my tailbone worked out. The floor wasn't really working, so I stood up and started rolling my pelvis in some type of psuedo-erotic-slow-motion version of doing a hula hoop dance. Eventually, I felt something pop into place though, and although the pains haven't gone away completely they have lessened. So who cares that my shades were open...maybe the neighbors learned something.

In addition to the exercises, the appointment went well. She's glad I'm over the nausea (so am I). The baby's heartbeat is strong at between 156 and 160 beats/minute. Papajama is still convinced it's a boy, but I think otherwise. And I'm measuring right at 16 weeks (well I was on Saturday...now I'm pretty sure I'm measuring at 25.

Babyjama wasn't too keen on having a semi-stranger touch her mama. The blood pressure gauge got an earful, and she nursed while we listened to the heartbeat. I love how my midwife will tell babyjama that she's not hurting me, and if I don't pipe up quickly enough to say "don't worry sweetie this doesn't hurt, it's super cool." She smacks my arm and gives me a look like back me up here MAN!!! (I'm pretty sure she's part hippy). She's great.

How are all of you?

In Which I Finally Update on the 1/4 Centennial

2009-03-03T22:12:00.003-06:00

I'm so happy to be blogging here today. I can't tell you how much I've been missing posting here. I was just writing at Sustainable Life about how much I miss the me time that writing on my personal blog affords me.

My birthday, which passed nearly a week and a half ago, was absolutely fantastic. I couldn't have asked for a more fun filled weekend. I received two awesome packages on Friday to kick the festivities off; and then Saturday was fantastic. Papajama had a few tricks up his sleeve to get everything off to a great start. We spent a leisurely morning filled with sugary sweet pastries at home, and got to visit with my fun-loving sister-in-law. I enjoy the time that we get to spend with her, especially because she's single and it's kind of like being friends with the bachelorette. She's extremely picky about men (and yes she once broke up with one because she thought he walked like a duck), but she also wears her heart on her sleeve and wants to give all of herself in a relationship. It's fun to live vicariously through the quintessential single gal...while at the same time being very very very glad about where I am.

After our visit, we got ready for a mysterious outting that papajama had planned. He then drove me around for 20 minutes in all kinds of directions. Which forced me to ask repeatedly "Where are we going?" "Are we going to Kansas?" "Are we going to my folks' house?" "Do I need a swimsuit?" "Are we going skiing?...because I don't think I can ski while pregnant...and did you call the midwife to check if this was safe???" "Where are we going??!!??!!??"

He would reply to all of this with "No....maybe?". It was infuriatingly amusing. The infuriation was mostly me...the amusement was mostly him. I absolutely love surprises, but they do drive me a little mad as well.

Turns out, that he was taking me to get a much needed massage. It was divine. I loved every second of it. There's nothing like getting greased up and having strong hands work those aching muscles while candles burn and enya plays in the background. My therapist worked out quite a few kinks in my neck that have been pestering me FOREVER, but alas I think they are back already. The kinks probably have something to do with the way that I sleep curved around a small kicking child, or on the nights when she stays asleep in her own bed, sprawled out spread diagonally across the bed twisted with my upper back lying flat on the bed, and my hip pivoted so that I'm not technically lying on my back while pregnant (that's probably also why my left arm goes numb at night...I'm pretty sure that I'm sleep impaired).

But back to the birthday, Papajama also gave me a second certificate that I can redeem at a time of my choosing. At the end of the massage, papajama came to pick me up and had dropped babyjama off with my parents. He then took me home, and in the house he had set up the Scrabble board (one of my very favoritist games) and gotten some of my favorite snacks. The "healthy" kind of root beer and dark chocolate peanut butter cups. We spent the next couple of hours playing...and I would have kicked his butt if I hadn't taken the opportunity to teach him a little Scrabble strategy. So even though he ended up winning, I'm claiming the victory.

We picked up babyjama after our Scrabble match to go out for Italian food. Our dinner was fantastic. We went to a restaurant near our house that seems like something straight out of the Sopranos. I'm pretty sure that some connected people came in after us...and they were definitely seated first (they probably were just family...but it's more exciting to think of it the other way).

Sunday we had the celebration with my family. It started off with my Dad's special recipe for French toast with oven fried potatoes. We did presents, which were a lovely mother-child necklace from one of my sisters, a really cute and kitchy apron and canvas bag from another sister, and new towels, bath mats, maternity clothes, and cookbooks from my parents.

We spent the day hanging out and watching movies, and then ordered from our favorite Indian restaurant. My only complaint is that the baby seems to be taking up space so I can't seem to eat as much at a sitting as I would normally like to, but I think that's not a bad problem to have afterall.

So that was the birthday extravaganza. It was so fun. I'm so glad that I got to spend it with my favorite people, and I think they had some fun too.

14 Weeks and Change

2009-02-20T10:09:00.002-06:00

Thanks everyone for all of the suggestions and support. Sometime this week, the nausea seemed to get better all on it's own...although I think I will be drinking more yogi tea just for the good taste (thanks Mimi).

I may have started nesting (isn't it a bit early for that) as our house is cleaner than it's been since the fatigue and nausea set in two months ago (or at least what feels like two months ago). Today I'm at 14 weeks and 4 days if you're counting...and I definitely am.

In the past couple of weeks, babyjama has entered into a new phase in her development. She no longer likes mama and daddy to comfort her when she is falls and gets hurt. She actually cries harder if we try to come anywhere near her when she has in any way bonked herself. I think it's partially that she's embarrassed when she gets hurt, and partially that she's just an autonomous person and wants to handle things on her own. It's a little bitter sweet. I'm missing the days when swooping her up and kissing her and cuddling her made everything all better...but alas, it happens at some point for everyone.

Also on the subject of doing things on her own, potty training has now taken that turn as well. She now goes in and uses the potty (when she is pantless) and then comes to tell me that she has done it. It's remarkable really. I've had several friends tell me that they want to ship their kids over here when potty training time rolls around, but I'm sorry to inform them that I don't think that this milestone had much at all to do with my prowess. The whole things was almost entirely due to babyjama's readiness. Okay, that sounds a little trite. What I'm trying to say is that I think she was wanting a little more independence, and I happened to stumble upon this as an outlet for that at the right time...It seemed much more like a fluke than parenting genius. I think I was more shocked that she was the first time she used the potty.

However, if you my wonderful friends insist on giving me the credit, I might just have to take them up on it. I mean, how often do you get to take responsibility for the accomplishments of another human being?

Honestly, I'm just enjoying the freedom of not having to do two loads of diapers a week (please don't point out that I will be doing them again in 6 months...that just isn't nice).

In other news, I'm celebrating my quarter centennial birthday this weekend*. It is chalk full of festivities (some of which are a surprise from papajama). Tomorrow babyjama, papajama, and I are celebrating together, and on Sunday we will join the rest of my family for more celebrations which will include the massive consumption of Indian food take-out from our favoritest restaurant, and presents and dessert. I love birthdays!

*In case you don't know what a quarter centennial is (since I made it up) I'm going to be 25.

Tired and more tired

2009-02-17T13:41:00.002-06:00

Okay, I'm just gonna say it. I'm exhausted. It shoudn't be this way. We just had a three day weekend. I should be refreshed or something...but I'm not. This home buying stuff is stressful and tiring. You can read more about that here.

I just had to drop in and say hello. I'm still here on the face of the earth, and I want to post a new belly pic this week since I'm now in the second trimester...wait a minute, aren't you supposed to start feeling BETTER in the second trimester? Well, I'm not holding my breath. I'm as bloated and fatigued and nauseous as ever...They say every pregnancy is different, I just hope this isn't the legacy for this one.

Hope you are all having a wonderful week!

This move might actually happen...

2009-02-10T13:27:00.002-06:00

We have two huge pieces of news, but I'll start with the most recent piece. The bank accepted our offer on the house. Yippeeeee! So it looks like papajama and I might actually own a home together for the very first time in our married life (it will be the first time ever for me). There are still a few things that could hang this up, like if the inspector says that the house in the middle of an underground crater and could sink in at any moment...ya know, that sort of thing.

Our real estate agent called to give me the news an hour or so ago. I couldn't believe it. She informed me that the listing agent didn't say that we had a deal in so many words, but said that she would be turning on the electricity and that we would have 5 days to do an inspection (apparently this woman is the pinnacle of social grace).

Our agent: WAH? So does that mean they signed the contract?

Other agent: Well DUUUHHH! (have I mentioned that she's a sweetie?)

So barring a crater catastrophe or a built in water slide due to all the water that gets into the basement during rainstorms, we are good to go.

Now onto the next little tidbit, and when I say little I am being facetious, because news doesn't get any bigger than this.

Babyjama learned to use the potty this weekend!!!

I'm convinced totally and completely that she is some kind of genius child. I (like all good mothers) happened to run out of diapers and needed a couple of hours to get them washed and dried on Friday. So I was letting babyjama run around in her waterproof training pants. After about 20 minutes those had been soaked and so she was going au natural. An hour later she was holding herself and wimpering so I put her on the potty. And she just did it. Bam. Peepee. Right in there. I can't tell you how amazed I was. After another 45 minutes I saw her do that little peepee dance again, and it was another successful potty experience.

The one hitch that day was poop and that happened when she hid away in her room for a few minutes. I walked in to see her scrunched up on her belly with her bottom in the air over the rubberized mat that I had put on her bed in case of accidents. And then I saw the turdlets under her bottom and on the mat. I couldn't help but crack up, but she was a little upset to see that those little brown things came out of her.

After this weekend, we're at about 50/50 with times she poops in the potty versus hides away. But she hasn't had a pee accident since Sunday that wasn't sleep related. She's now completely au natural during the day, and wears diapers at night and at nap time. It's glorious, but we also are staying in pretty much all week.

Apparently she was ready.

Raaaawwwr!!!!

2009-02-03T13:48:00.003-06:00

Okay, this seems to be turning into a pattern of me blogging when I'm unusually pissed off. I think it's just a coincidence though...or maybe it's hormones. I'm not quite sure.

This morning started out all wrong. I drove papajama to work this morning, and on the way read the post of a dear friend. She found out that she was pregnant a couple of weeks after I did, and went to have her first ultrasound yesterday. The ultrasound technician looked and looked, and said that there were identical twins in there, but couldn't pick up a heartbeat. What a crushing blow. I can't even imagine. There is still some hope that she is off with her dates, or that it wasn't a good read, and so now the waiting begins. Waiting for next week. Waiting to find out about the babies. I'm so mad. Maybe that's a strange emotion to feel, but it's true. I'm mad for my friend.

The second bit of bad news, which actually feels like a small annoyance after hearing about the babies, was about the house that we're trying to buy. After being jerked around all of last week by the listing agent on the property, and our bank, our offer was finally submitted to the bank who owns the house that we want. However, they responded today saying that they don't think the house will qualify for an FHA loan, and that we either need to go convetional or look elsewhere. It this puts us in a little bit of a pickle. We have a certain amount of money that we can pay out of pocket, but we were going to be able to get a better deal on closing costs, and had to put less down with an FHA loan. We need to have some money left over at the end so that we can buy a couple of frivolous things like a stove and a refrigerator. Going conventional makes that nearly impossible. Also, I have this little niggling worry about the property if the bank says that they don't think it's going to qualify for FHA...it makes me think that there's some huge glaring thing wrong with the place, and we haven't found out yet.

On to the most recent of my complaints (which I recognize is my own damn fault). I'm mad at our dog at the moment. I just worked for a good 30 minutes or more to get babyjama down for a much needed and much fought against nap. I rocked and swayed and hummed her carefully to sleep while nearly breaking my back, and just at the critical moment while I was laying her down in her bed, Leo spied the mailman and barked his freaking head off. Now I have a wide awake (and cranky) tot and a dog out in the back yard...which is where I should have put him before rocking and swaying babyjama anyway. Is it too much to ask that he figure out that barking has an effect on a sleeping baby (yes, I know it is)...Damn doofusy dog.

This pregnancy has a weird feel to it. I know so many people who are going through rough times trying to conceive, or the problems of my dear friend. I'm just feeling a little guilty about being so dang happy. I'm sure no one wants me to feel that way, but they don't get to choose and neither do I.

Another example is what is going on with my best friend since high school. She just got engaged a couple of weeks before I found out I was pregnant. She's been talking forever about how she wants to have an August wedding, and asked me to be her maid of honor (matron, if you want to get technical). I said yes of course, and then found out that I'm due to give birth three days after her wedding. Who knows if I'll give birth early or what, and so now it looks like I'm not going to be involved in the wedding afterall. And depending on the timing, I might not even be able to go. I know she's devastated about this, and I feel bad. I know I couldn't have known ahead of time that this was all going to coincide, but it's so upsetting that it is coinciding, and part of me feels like my baby is stealing her show. Which is the last thing that I want.

Okay, that's enough wallowing. There is one thing that I'm very happy to announce. Yesterday we took my first belly picture. Disclaimer: Papajama is not to blame for the slight blurriness. It was early morning, and sorta dark in our house.

Now please all, go send supportive words to pipsylou.

I see light

2009-01-28T12:20:00.003-06:00

So a continuation of the story from yesterday...babyjama awoke just after I finished blogging and was screaming and crying and seeming feverish. I immediately made dinner and held her and covered her up. Luckily I think she just had a case of the cranks and not something more serious like the flu or the dreaded e-coli that's going around.

She and I finally crashed on the couch around 10 pm. I woke up with a crick in my neck an hour later. I was able to stumble down the hall, put her in her bed, mumble goodnight to papajama and go straight to sleep.

That wonderful lovely man! I woke up this morning and he had cleaned up the kitchen, wrangled the contents of babyjama's rampage from yesterday, and left me with a nice house to wake up to. I don't know what I would do without him. Today is off to a much better start, and babyjama is down for a nap at a decent hour.

At our visit on Sunday, our midwife told me that my morning sickness was most likely due to the fact that I'm not eating at regular enough intervals and most likely need more calories and more leafy greens. I swear I did really well at this on Monday, but yesterday I lost the groove. The hardest thing for me about eating like that is that I feel like I need to do a whole production everytime I enter the kitchen. I can't just put some dip and crackers in a bowl, or put some salad dressing on some spring mix and call that a snack. NooooOOOoooo. According to me, apparently, I haven't eaten well unless every last dish in the house is dirty by the end of the day, and there's something stuck to the wall behind the stove. I'm working on it, but even as I'm thinking about it, I'm considering making homemade crackers, or making a huge batch of popcorn that I can put brewer's yeast on and separate into snack sized baggies. I swear I make everything into a production.

Why can't I be more like babyjama? For her a well balanced snack is the little crumbies that collect under the high chair cover.

Mama brain no worky

2009-01-27T17:37:00.004-06:00

Can we say that mama was up way past her bedtime last night? I definitely missed a few typos during last nights post even though I reread it (which I don't always do before posting). So no, "I'm missed you guys" is not some new term I'm using, and if you're waiting for the third thing that my midwife's house smells like, keep on waiting.

Gah! Today has been one of those days. It started out nice enough. Babyjama and I went to visit some friends and stayed for lunch, and apart from babyjama screaming and running away whenever her playmate looked at her, it was an enjoyable time for all.

When we did leave to come home, I decided to take the long way so that babyjama would conveniently fall asleep in the car. Everything was going according to plan until I jostled her too much while laying her down, and probably could have settled her back down to sleep, but my bladder was bursting. I thought it would be okay. I'll just sit down to nurse her, and she'll fall right back asleep, so I started to set up a nice nursing nest so that we could just relax and have a nice quiet rest and hopefully a nap. I even let Leo out first in case the mailman were to come by.

But, of course then the phone rang and it was the realtor needing such and such paperwork, which meant that I had to search through the house for it while a very tired toddler ran around screaming and knocking over everything in her path. I swear that child can tear up a room faster than a tazmanian devil. On the plus side, there is no longer anything on any of the surfaces of our livingroom, dining room or kitchen. On the minus side, everything is now on the floor, and wet from having the dog water poured all over it.

I wasn't too worried about the mess at the time. I had found the stuff that I needed, and would go do a quick errand, and maybe babyjama would actually fall asleep in the car again. If not, I could always come back to my nice cozy spot and cuddle with her later.

Three hours later, with more refuse strewn about, a child so tired that she can barely stand up and shrieking at 15 second intervals, I may or may not have in a moment of weakness yelled at her like she was a teenager and told her that I really didn't want to be around her right now, and that I was very angry at all of the things that she was doing. She may or may not have laughed in my face, and I may or may not have gotten a hold of her arm and considered for a long hard moment the benefits of spanking her (even though I've long been against the practice). I can decisively say that I decided against spanking, and instead decided to quickly make another concerted effort at a nap.

Thank GOD it worked. Papajama is in the world's longest meeting after school today, and I might have had to lock myself in the bathroom if it had kept up much longer. That's all for now. Kumquat is hungry. "FEED ME SEYMORE" (sp?)

The Midwife

2009-01-26T23:04:00.002-06:00

We went for our very first prenatal visit yesterday. And yes, that's how I'm going to announce that I'm pregnant and nearly out of my first trimester. I've been meaning to write it for ages, but didn't have the words. For the time being we're calling this baby kumquat (because apparently that's what size the baby is), but I've been instructed by papajama to stop that immediately if this little one ends up being a boy, because apparently that's not a masculine enough nickname if our baby has a penis.

So yes, babyjama will soon have a brother or sister. Anyway, we had our very first prenatal visit, and I have to give the midwife that we've chosen a rave review. She's exactly what you would expect an old timey midwife to be. She lives in a cozy home decorated with artwork dedicated to pregnancy and womanness. Her home smells earthy like a mixture of tobaco, musk. Her touch is warm and firm, but ever so gentle. As she measured my belly and felt around for our little kumquat, I was surprised by her gentleness. My past experience with prenatal appointments is of being prodded and jostled. I recently read Spiritual Midwifery, and wasn't sure that the kind of touch that Ina May described, existed in a care provider. I was able to so completely relax that our midwife was able to find our tiny baby in my belly, and I was even able to feel a small kick while papajama was able to feel the little lump from the outside.

Her questions centered around how I was feeling both emotionally and physically, but in a conversational way, not the interrogations that I'm used to. It feels like she focuses on all around well being, rather than numbers on a page, or some pre-decided qualifications for health. We are already on our way to building that relationship of trust that I truly think will give me the best possible birth outcome.

P.S. I'm missed you guys! What's up?

The Pooch

2009-01-14T12:59:00.007-06:00

The title of this photo is The Dogly Essence of Leo

Today I'm writing to you from my folks' house. Interestingly enough, we ended up paying off our car last month just in time for us to have to do some work on it...isn't that always the way it goes. So, while we don't have a car payment anymore, we're spending half a car payment getting it fixed this month. Oh well. Half of a car payment is better than a whole one.

Anyway, since my dad was kind enough to give me a ride back from the shop and feed babyjama and I breakfast, we're spending the day here too...to take him up on all of his hospitality.

So I realized as I was contemplating what to post about that I've told all of you very little about our dog Leo. The story of Leo begins long before we ever got him with Kaya. Kaya was papajama's dog before we ever met. He lived on a lake and when some neighbors moved and couldn't bring their old boxer mix with them, he took her in. She was a dog of the lake, and ran free as she wished but always came back. She was the kind of dog that was so ugly she was cute, and had very wise eyes.

By the time papajama and I met, Kaya was old. She grunted as communication, and the voice that we imagined that she would have was that of the old cafeteria lady from the Simpsons. She had one big problem though, which was that she couldn't hold her pee in much anymore. We put her on incontinence meds, and hoped for the best.

As our wedding neared, and we started moving our belongings into the house that we would share after we were married, things started going down hill for Kaya. She constantly dripped urine, and flies followed her around the house and out into the yard. We knew we would be gone for weeks following the wedding, and couldn't think of anyone who would take care of her. The final decision to put her down came one day when she was lying on the porch, flies on her hind legs, and a huge gush came out of her, and she didn't even notice.

We were the last clients at the vet that day. Kaya dripped all the way into the room at the office. The vet said we were making the right decision, but it wasn't much consolation. We both stayed with her until she was gone, and then left with her collar and leash, but without her.

After we were married, the house seemed empty without Kaya. Papajama spent much of the summer reading on the porch, but without his usual companion. Toward the beginning of the school year though, he said he was ready to move on, and wanted a new dog. I was glad that he was ready, and so we started the search. The criteria for our search were three fold: 1) a shelter dog 2) a puppy 3) a Rhodesian Ridgeback. Those three things put together made our search rather difficult. However, within a couple of weeks we had found a match.

A litter of puppies had been dumped off at a shelter in Oklahoma City. They were half German Shepherd and half Rhodesian Ridgeback. That weekend, we decided that we would go ahead and make the 8 hour trek and get our pup. I can't imagine now deciding to go anywhere 8 hours away on the spur of the moment, but I guess that was the charm of being newlyweds. When we got there, he was perfect. The woman brought him out of the kennel, and our curious little guy couldn't wait to explore. He barely paid any attention to us as he sniffed out scents under the woman's desk, and as he slithered around cords in the office.

He rode the entire way sitting on our laps, sleeping, and biting. He was the epitome of puppy with his golden fur, black snout, cleopatra eyes, and rolly polly personality. A month and a half later, when we found out I was pregnant with babyjama, I knew that we had to begin a crash course in discipline. He was our wild child. He chewed and bit and jumped on EVERYTHING. As the months went on I was sure it was going to be a nightmare to have him and a baby. I distinctly remember the battle over the jumping. At five months pregnant (with a 8 month old puppy who was half my size) I wrestled him to the ground after he jumped up right on my belly...I would show him who was boss. But the week babyjama was born it was like all of the puppy dissolved. Not that he isn't fun anymore, but he has a certain calm about him that I never would have expected out of him.

The past few months have been rough on Leo though. He has lost much of his personal space since babyjama gained the abilities of running and climbing. He's gotten a little crotchety...he doesn't like her to touch him, and he runs off while making chewbaca noises. We've been overreacting to all of this and scolding him quite a bit. So this past week we've been making an effort to really praise our good boy for all of the wonderful things that he does. I've noticed an immediate difference. Leo has been holding his head up higher lately and showing a bit more of his feisty self. He may be goofy and silly and rambunctious, but he's our boy, and we wouldn't trade him for anything.

My way or the highway

2009-01-04T14:49:00.002-06:00

I got a really nice compliment from a friend the other week. She and I talk often on the phone, and I notice that she's often shouting this or that at one of the kiddos that's running around at her feet. She and I have completely different styles on parenting...well and pretty much everything else too. To give a few examples, I was hoping for a drug free home birth with babyjama, whereas she says bring on the drugs. I am still breastfeeding at nearly 19 months with babyjama, and she has bottlefed all three of hers. I've been recycling since before I could walk, and a couple of months ago they started recycling aluminum cans...you get the picture.

So I was really surprised when she said that she had started doing something "my way". She has a theory about how the bad always influences the good and never vice versa, but on this particular day, she said that one of my habits had rubbed off on her and she thought it was a great thing.

She said that she noticed that I always calmly explain to babyjama when she's doing something that is off limits, or dangerous, or whatever. She said that she had always just yelled at her kids to stop what they were doing (especially the toddler), and that she has now started just talking to him instead and "it is working". It's honestly one of the nicest compliments that I've ever gotten, and I'm so happy for her and her family that it's helping. I work so hard at not being judgmental of other lifestyles and parenting (which isn't always easy), and I'm really glad to see that that has paid off.

Not to be a downer, but....

2008-12-28T16:32:00.003-06:00

Home sweet home! We're back from our trip for the holidays. I'm so thrilled to be back, I don't even care if the house is a pig sty...Okay, I care, but I'm still ecstatic. Babyjama is drowning in all of her new toys, and loving every second of it.

The trip to papajama's hometown was a little ho-hum this year. He grew up in Cedar Rapids, IA, and they were hit by the huge flood this past summer that was all over the news. So much of the city is having to rebuild, and many businesses just simply aren't going to open back up. There was a feeling of depression that permeated the air there. My father-in-law's business was under five feet of water when the river crested over the summer, and we went in to visit his now redone office.

The office smelled like fresh paint, all of the furniture was factory new, and the carpet looked like it had never even needed a vacuum yet. But it was so empty. His rows of filing cabinets had been lost in the flood, and nothing is hanging on the walls yet. He plans to hang large photo prints of the flood, a reminder of the devastation that's now painted over, but that shows even now in the homes whose lights are still out, and whose inhabitants may never come back.

The night before we came home, we stopped at the local Greek restaurant. The parking lot was nearly empty during Friday night dinner. My husband is friends with the woman who runs the restaurant. She smiled broadly when she saw us, but a few moments later she trailed off when saying that if things don't get better soon...

The drive home was surreal. We left on our five hour drive just before 8 PM to make it home before a winter storm hit. We were immersed in fog for the first couple of hours. Papajama sped along trying to keep his bearings by following pin-prick tail lights through the haze. Inevitably we were sometimes out of sight of other cars, and those were the strangest moments of all. It felt like falling forward and not being able to see the bottom. And all of a sudden the fog lifted and we were on a clear stretch of road for a while. Then off to the west, the sky started to light up with large horizontal bolts of lightening. We sat silently as rain pummeled our car, until the moment that it just, stopped.

I know there are metaphors and meaning in all of this, but I'm done over analyzing. So I'll just say what I'm thinking. The holidays were happy but sad, and oh so surreal.

How 'bout y'all? How were the holiday festivities?

Maintaining while adding something new...not my strong suit

2008-12-18T23:06:00.003-06:00

I apologize bloggy folk, what with the new blog and having vowed to make hand-made gifts this year, my fingers have been busy clacking away in other places.

Here's a quick run down of the last week in no particular order:

Papajama took a day off of work to care for his poor sick wife and daughter.

Our poor sick daughter ran a fever and got snot everywhere all weekend.

We had the reconciliation of all reconciliations with papajama's sis, and have been lending our moral support to her in her time of need.

I am seriously crafting like a mad woman, but am stuck on sewing the collar onto babyjama's sweater...if anyone else knows how to do this, please contact me...am quite lost.

Watched a fantastic film called "The Lives of Others", but seriously it's difficult to knit and read subtitles at the same time.

We're all living for tomorrow afternoon...it will be the start of the holiday break!!

Okay, sorry for the lame post.

If you need something a little more substantial, check out Sustainable Life.

Feminine Wiles

2008-12-11T15:16:00.003-06:00

I started having suspicions of this a few months ago when a toy that babyjama has never considered a weapon became a hammer or sword whenever boy playmates came over. In addition, babyjama already has an affinity for dress up (which usually means one of my camisoles or scarves). She parades around like the glamazon of the amazon. The smile on her face couldn't be mistaken for saying anything other than "I know I look fabulous dawling".

All of you out there who say that there is not difference between boys and girls, Bah!! It's just not true. Babyjama and I have been getting together with the other moms in our volunteer organization this week...and the kids too. And this week, babyjama is the only girl. So today when the boys were running and screaming and making their cars go fast, babyjama just giggled and clapped and sometimes rolled her car and sometimes took toys to the other kids. And sometimes she watched one of the babies and pointed.

She's so different in personality from the boys too. She doesn't have many words, but she points and tells whole stories in her little language. Even when the boys are too rough with her, she points and sticks that lower lip out and tells mama all about it. She's just...a girl.

After seeing a preschool friend of ours with her beautiful little pink purse, babyjama has commendeered one of my little handbags. She gets herself all dressed up and puts on her purse and walks around telling all of us (our dog Leo included) "Bye". She's obviously on her way out to get a mani-pedi.

Her baby doll is one of her favorite toys, and all small things are now "BEEbeeee". She must have all pretty things...there is no argument about it, it's just a fact.