Mom To Mom

Modern Mom: Wiggly Squiggly Squirmy Wormies

2008-07-03T08:45:00.001-05:00

Five years later we’ve finally undertaken the landscaping project we were going to do as soon as we moved into our house. And truth be told, I’m glad we waited. Because though I’m nearly giddy about the new flowering bushes and the trees we planted, there is no way I would have been able to muster up an iota of excitement about the dump truck and bobcats that have been at our house for the last week. My kids, however, are in 7th heaven. I finally realize that they don’t merely point and exclaim, “truck,” every time we pass one simply because they know the word. They actually find them quite thrilling. Having them on our own front lawn? A fantasy come true.

And that’s not the half of it. Holding the worms and studying the ant colonies that have been unearthed during this project is one hundred times better than watching Animal Planet. Just because I get the willies when they excitedly show me their “wormies,” doesn’t mean I’m not thrilled that they’re finding the natural world exciting. My 6-year-old thinks he’s part of the work crew; he grabs his shovel every time the trucks pull up. Who knows, maybe if things work out he can have an internship next year instead of going to day camp. As for my little “Growing Scientists,” they know have their very own laboratory in their front yard. And in the minds of a 1, 3, and 6, year old, what could be more fun than that

Commuter Mom: Peer Pressure

2008-07-01T07:23:00.001-05:00

I am beside myself. My sweet cuddly little girl is turning into a bully. Last week she kicked another child off of the climber. Yesterday I came home and found out she was hitting her friends at school. Her teachers wouldn’t tell us who it was, but of course Commuter Girl told us within 30 seconds…it was one of her best friends! At least twice a week her teacher is telling us that she has had to be removed from activities for misbehaving. At home, we try to talk about why hitting and kicking are wrong; we talk about using words and not hands. But, does a 2 ½-year-old really understand that?

I’m sure this is all common toddler behavior, but I just don’t know how to handle it. Her teachers have asked us how we address the hitting at home. We don’t. She doesn’t hit at home. Am I just making excuses by assuming that some of this is due to the influence of the other children at school? She wasn’t afraid of “monsters” until a few of the other children started talking about it in her class. Would she be misbehaving as much if I stayed home with her rather than going to work?!? Is she just bored?!

New Mom: SAHM Friend

2008-06-27T09:01:00.001-05:00

What’s a working mom to do? My very best friend is a SAHM living on the opposite coast from me. We talk on the phone often, e-mail regularly, and see each other once or twice a year when family functions, work, or other obligations bring us to the other’s neck of the woods. Recently, this friend took a long weekend trip away from home with another SAHM mom friend of hers. They had a blast, and I’m really glad for her. She needed and deserved the break, and had great girl fun. She enjoyed herself so much that when she returned home, she decided that she and I should do the same thing. It was her husband, in fact, who must have found his wife surprisingly renewed and refreshed after a break from her 3-year-old, who suggested it.

I love the idea and hate it all at once. Yes, it sounds like fun, but having just recently been away from New Girl for work travel, I really have no desire to leave her again for a completely voluntary weekend of fun. I know she, and all stay-at-home moms need that break. She is with her son almost 24/7, except the 10 or so hours a week he’s in preschool. I, on the other hand, am only with New Girl for about 10 waking hours during the entire workweek. While we both love, cherish, and adore our children, our relationships with them are very different, I think. Will that get in the way of our relationship with each other?

Modern Mom: School’s Out for Summer

2008-06-24T07:24:00.001-05:00

My son has officially been on summer vacation for three days now, and if these three days are any indication, I’m going to have quite a hard time getting him to agree to return to school in the fall. He’s already gone rock climbing, kayaking, and swimming. He’s eating and sleeping better than he has all year and his smile seems to have grown inches. It’s all good, as they say. All that is, except for the fact that he’s done these things with a babysitter…not with me. I’d like to be the one taking him on all of these adventures (okay, maybe the babysitter can stay on point for the rock climbing). I want to spend time with my kids running under the sprinkler, having picnic lunches, climbing every mountain.

There’s only one problem…there’s no summer break in the working world. Sure, I might be able to grab a few days here and there, but that’s not enough to elicit the unparalleled feeling of expectation, relaxation, and elation of knowing an entire summer of freedom and adventure lies ahead. So for now, I’ll have to settle for the bits and pieces my son shares with me about his day, relish in the photos my babysitter shows me each evening, and plan to make the most of every single weekend.

Commuter Mom: Who Wears the Pants?

2008-06-19T07:38:00.003-05:00

Did any of you read the article in the New York Times Magazine last week titled: “When Mom and Dad Share it All”? It’s about ESP — Equally Shared Parenting. Everything is 50-50. Parents share equal responsibility for running the house, taking care of the children, and working outside of the home, even laundry duty. In one of the families they profiled the husband was responsible for washing the darks, the woman the whites.

I’ve never thought about writing down a plan, but still feel Commuter Dad and I have a pretty even split; we share responsibility for Commuter Girl. Sure, I am probably on “Commuter Girl-duty” more weekends than Commuter Dad, but I don’t mind. I really don’t do anything for the dog, Commuter Dad does the walks and feeds him every day — and likes to do that. Commuter Dad pays the bills (from our joint account to which we both contribute), I do more housekeeping/de-cluttering than he does (and, we learned early on in our relationship that paying a housekeeper to do the cleaning did wonders for our marriage). He makes Commuter Girl’s lunch; I cook dinner. It seems pretty even to me, and I’ve never felt the need to create a formal 50-50 plan. In fact, if you have to break out a spread sheet and calculator to split your parenting, is there some other problem going on, perhaps? Yet, I do wonder if we implemented ESP, would parenting guilt be eliminated? Would I no longer feel guilty going out with the girls because, with equal time for socializing, I would know Commuter Dad would get his turn too? Would I no longer get annoyed when I’m playing with Commuter Girl while Commuter Dad spends an hour on the computer rather than having family time with us? If so, maybe it would be worth the energy to divvy it all up. If not, I think an imperfect split may be just fine...plus, when Commuter Dad does the laundry I end up with a toddler-size wardrobe.

New Mom: Love You

2008-06-17T08:24:00.000-05:00

Well, we’ve done it. New Girl, New Dad and I have all survived my first trip away from home since New Girl was too young to realize it. At least I think we’ve survived — I’m typing on the plane home and am hoping that my daughter has given her father a third peaceful bedtime routine. Being away was in some ways easier and in some ways much harder than I thought. When I was working, which was during most of my awake hours on this trip, I was able to concentrate and focus like the old, pre-pregnant me. Knowing Daddy was on call for emergencies, and that no matter how late I was running, I wouldn’t have to worry about picking up my baby, gave me a certain kind of peace that is elusive at home. At the office, my heart skips a little beat every time the phone rings, thinking it might be an emergency at the center. Every meeting or conversation that goes past 5:15 leads to a rush to get to my daughter before she’s completely exhausted herself. But 1,500 miles away from home, those responsibilities melted away.

Almost. (When New Dad didn’t return my calls one day, I did call the center to be sure he had picked up our daughter. He had.) But when I missed New Girl’s evening call one night because the cell phone never rang, and I had to hear her say “love you” for the first time over voicemail, my heart both leapt for joy and nearly broke into pieces all at once. Missing her has been hard on me, but knowing she misses me is almost torturous. I cannot wait to get home and watch her sleep in her crib. I cannot wait until she wakes up in the morning, so I can surprise her with my return, and I can see that beautiful half toothy/half gummy smile. I can’t wait to get home…and stay there for a long while.

Modern Mom - Happy Birthday Nobody

2008-06-12T06:14:00.008-05:00

The other day my son’s kindergarten was cancelled for teacher meetings. Having just returned from a business trip, I planned to take the day off of work and spend some one-on-one time with him. Since summer has finally arrived, I had all kinds of plans: we’d go to the pool, have a picnic, play outside, and go out for ice cream. If there was time left over, we might even squeeze in some miniature golfing. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans. We woke up that morning to cold, drizzly weather. And if that wasn’t enough to throw us off track, neither one of us was feeling well.

I figured we may as well use the unexpected free time to get some grocery shopping done (I know, I know, not quite as fun as swimming or mini-golf). There we were, trudging through the aisles, when my son spotted the cake mix and suggested we spend the afternoon baking a cake. I readily agreed —– any excuse to eat chocolate frosting. He asked me whose birthday it was, assuming it must be somebody’s birthday if we were baking a cake. When I told him it was nobody’s birthday, he decided we would make a “happy birthday nobody” cake. And did we ever. Frosting, sprinkles, glitter, and M&Ms decorated our masterpiece. Truth be told, it looked atrocious but tasted delicious. The best part was how much fun we had making it. We had our cake and ate it too, and I’m eagerly waiting the next dreary day: what better time to hold a “happy birthday nobody” party?

Commuter Mom: Lesson Learned

2008-06-10T10:33:00.000-05:00

Lately, it has become fairly common for Commuter Girl to act out. She’s hit the “terrible twos” and is testing her limits like a pro. We recently had to end our outside play time when she ran away from Mommy – she ran down the street. Last week she went to school with one pigtail and lots of tears. I’m kicking myself for not getting a picture of it, but I was way too frazzled from the heated debate to think to get out the camera.

The other day Commuter Dad reprimanded Commuter Girl while we were in the car, I don’t even remember what she had done. He said something I didn’t agree with and I turned to him and said “Don’t say that to her.” I’m sure you can finish the story…Commuter Girl looked at him and said “Daddy, don’t say that to me.” Oops. The real parenting test has begun – we have to be a team and it’s even harder now to hide the minor disagreements when there is a toddler watching. I have to come to terms with the fact that I may not always agree with how or what Commuter Dad does. But, I have to trust that he has everyone’s best interest in mind, he is a smart man, a wonderful Daddy…and, sad but true, not everything has to be done MY way.

New Mom: Time Savers

2008-06-05T07:25:00.001-05:00

1. When preparing finger foods for the baby’s lunch, double the servings and set one aside for the next day’s dinner.

2. Always do something mindless but productive while watching your own “must see TV.” I fold laundry or label NewGirl’s bottles and food containers for school.

3. Save drive-through errands for those weekend naps that always seem to begin in the car just two blocks before you return home. Drive through car wash, banking, and coffee runs all work for me.

4. Work breakfast or morning snack into part of your weekend grocery shopping adventure. Start by letting your child pick a fruit or veggie from the produce section that they can munch on in the cart. Work your way through the bread, cereal, cracker, cookie, dairy, and deli aisles as necessary.

5. Mix shampoo and conditioner in your hand before applying to your hair. Then you only need to rinse once. Save even more on hair prep time by making excessive use of barrettes and ponytails.

Modern Mom: I'll get back to you

2008-06-03T08:20:00.000-05:00

RSVP: “Répondez s'il vous plait,” or, in plain English, “please respond.” So why don’t people? My son’s birthday party is in three days. I mailed the invitations six weeks ago and asked people to kindly RSVP ten days prior to the party. I thought that was reasonable. And yet, here we are, just three days away and nine people still haven’t gotten back to me. There are pizzas to order, goody bags to put together, and a cake to buy, and yet I don’t know how many people are coming. The place where we’re holding the party needs a final count and I need to estimate, which means I may well end up paying for some of the non-responders who turn out to be no shows.

I’d like to assume that if people don’t respond it means they’re not coming. But at my nephew’s party last weekend, five people who couldn’t find the time to RSVP turned out for the celebration. My sister ran out of goody bags. Believe me, I get it…we’re all busy, we’re all managing schedules deserving of color-coded spreadsheets, and we all have tons of correspondence to deal with. But please, take a moment to respond…and in turn, I promise there will be plenty of goody bags and pizza for everyone.

Commuter Mom: Ladybugs, Mosquitoes, and Gnats…Oh My

2008-05-22T08:18:00.000-05:00

I love spring. I count the days until we can be outside enjoying the fresh air and sunshine. As most toddlers do, Commuter Girl seems to love it, too. But, this year she has an issue with bugs. (That would be pronounced with a long “u” — similar to Rudy’s friend Bud on the Cosby Show.) Every time she sees a bug she points, fusses, and clings to my leg. It isn’t even just the big hairy spiders that she doesn’t like; she doesn’t even like the most child-friendly bug of all — the ladybug.

We have made some recent breakthroughs. At school she found a spider and came running to tell me. She then told a teacher, and the preschool teacher caught it and put it in the bug box. Commuter Girl thought it was pretty cool and asked me several times to look at the spider through the magnifying window. Last weekend she wanted to look at a ladybug. I didn’t tell her that the dog had just stepped on the ladybug and crushed it. Instead, we got pretty close and she watched the ladybug “sleep.” It worked out pretty well…there were no sudden bug movements to freak her out.

I hope we continue to make progress on the bug phobia. Otherwise, you can find me by looking for the mother with a toddler wrapped in mosquito netting.

New Mom: Mom Knows Best…or at least more.

2008-05-20T08:06:00.000-05:00

Finally! Solid proof that mom knows more than dad. In two weeks, I will be traveling for four days and nights for work. Normally, New Dad and I spend equal time with our daughter when we’re both home. I think we consider each other equally capable of keeping her alive, happy, and healthy. But getting ready to go out of town has shined a new light on how much mommy knows best — or at least how much more I know. We’ve already been talking about what I can and need to do to prepare daddy for my extended absence.

I’ll prepare food and menus for meals at school and at home. I’ll make explicit notes about which days New Girl can eat the snack offered at the center, and which days she needs her own substitute. I’ll spend Memorial Day weekend doing all of our laundry and will set aside outfits for New Girl that suit the forecasted weather. New Dad will be a spectator at bed time and bath time in the coming week so he can see how those routines have been working out. And on the sly, I’ll talk to New Girl’s teachers and ask them to give New Dad a break or gentle guidance if he fills out her daily sheet wrong, forgets the crib sheets and blankets, or otherwise seems out of sorts.

I don’t mind any of this, and, in fact, much (if not all) of it is probably completely unnecessary. But it makes me feel good and a little less guilty that I’m doing something to help out even when I can’t be at home. And truth be told, it makes me feel just a little cocky to know that if New Dad were the one traveling, I wouldn’t need any of it. It’s just that little edge that moms have on dads — forever.

Guest Mom: No More Training Wheels

2008-05-15T08:16:00.002-05:00

I am a working mom of two children who keep me busy all the time.

If we can hire people to baby proof our homes, teach us how to breastfeed, and cook meals for us, how come I could not hire someone to help my daughter to learn to ride her bike without training wheels? I tried. I offered our next door neighbor who is fifteen the chance to earn some money and she turned me down. So it was up to my husband, my daughter, and I to figure this out. Although she is now the resident “expert” on our block, this accomplishment did not come easy. It has been a labor of love, tears, scrapes, sore backs, discouragement, and dare I say, yelling.

It all started last spring when we had the brilliant idea that she was ready and we removed her training wheels. (Sounds a bit like throwing away all your pacifiers only to have to make a midnight run to the store.) I was advised to just “go cold turkey” and she would be fine. This is where it all went wrong. She refused to ride her bike and for the few fleeting moments that we could get her to give it a try, she ended up in tears and discouraged. So the bike sat in the garage for the next year, until this weekend. On Sunday my daughter awoke asking to ride her bike. We quickly got outside while the moment was right. For the next hour or so she got no more than two feet and she would stop. Her fear of falling was getting the best of her. But just when I thought the bike was on its way back to the garage, she did it.

As I watched with tears in my eyes, I knew we were witnessing another important milestone in her life. First rolling over, crawling, walking, and now riding a “2-wheeler.” Now that she is a pro, we are all considering getting bikes so we can ride as a family. What a great way to exercise and spend time together.

Modern Mom: Mix and Match

2008-05-13T08:11:00.000-05:00

When it comes to fashion, I say, “to each her own.” After all, someone was the first to wear capris, someone came up with the sleeveless sweater, and someone dared to wear a skirt that stopped at the knee. But when it’s our children who come up with “fashion-forward” ideas, what are we to do?

I ask because my 5-year-old son has recently decided he doesn’t want to wear matching shoes. One day it’s a blue sneaker on one foot, a white one on the other. Another day it’s two different color sandals. In general I feel like if the shoes fit, which they do, why does it matter that they coordinate? But there is a piece of me that worries that the other kids will make fun of him.

And then there’s my 3-year-old daughter who loves her raincoat so much, she wants to wear it every single day, even when it’s sunny and 80 degrees. It’s the raincoat or a temper tantrum, and frankly, the raincoat is a lot easier to deal with. So for now, it’s mismatched shoes and a slicker every single day. And who knows? Maybe one day we’ll wonder who was the first to consider wearing two different shoes on a daily basis.

Commuter Mom: Super Powers

2008-05-08T08:13:00.002-05:00

It’s hard not to feel like you have to be all things to all people. And, it’s hard to feel like you do everything well. This Mother’s Day we should all take a moment to sit back and recognize all of the amazing things we do well. A friend sent me this to me so I thought I’d share. Happy Mother’s Day.

Mommy Super Powers

I can “see” and “pet” invisible ladybugs, tiny kittens, and frogs she keeps in her pockets.
I can build houses for ants out of rocks.
I have super strength hearing in the late p.m. or early a.m. (especially if it includes the word “potty”).
I can transform, with my super-mommy eyes, the letters of her name or anything she tells me she has drawn in a series on scribbles, doodles, and illegible marks.
I can, with a kiss and the miracle healing power of a single adhesive strip, make 99 percent of ouchies go away. That other 1 percent is the super power of actual doctors.
I can bench-press 35 pounds with no weight training whatsoever and can climb an entire staircase slowly and silently, with said sleeping 35 pounds (yet I whimper with five-pound ankle weights if I’m Tae-bo-ing — what’s up with that?).
I have the power of a super-human imagination! (Namely of the most awful atrocities if my hand is not held in the parking lot or on a sidewalk.)
I know the names of things in my super brain, like “monarch,” “chameleon,” and “forsythia,” and I’m not making them up like I usually do.
I have a super-amazing strong heart that almost breaks, but not quite, every morning as I kiss her goodbye.

New Mom: Visiting the Shshs

2008-05-06T11:29:00.001-05:00

Ever day now, NewGirl insists on visiting the “shshs,” you know, the “fishes,” before we leave the center. I always comply, after all, it’s one of the very first desires she’s been able to clearly, unequivocally, and repeatedly communicate to me with language. The problem is, despite the fact that there are only two “shshs” still alive in the tank, visiting them is easily a 15 minute endeavor, minimum. That was fine in the winter, but now that the weather is gorgeous, that’s 15 precious minutes of time she could be spending outside, taking a walk with mommy and daddy before dinner or bed.

It’s 15 minutes that she’d also enjoy on her trike or playing in the grass. The problem is that she doesn’t know it’s a trade off. She can’t yet make that choice. So what’s a mom to do? I’ve tried edging her very early 7:00 bedtime just a little bit later, but without much success. Those 15 minutes are the difference between a peaceful evening’s sleep and a major meltdown, which invariably turns into an unpleasantly early wake-up the next day. What do others do? How do you adjust to take advantage of the great weather and evening light without disrupting your children? Or do you?

Guest Mom: When Does Mother’s Day Become My Day?

2008-05-01T08:05:00.002-05:00

Like most moms, I believe I have an incredible daughter but have found juggling motherhood and working full time to be very challenging. With my chatty 17 month old and a career I love, it’s hard to find a balance.

This year I will be celebrating my second Mother’s Day. Last year, I put my foot down and selfishly stayed home. I relaxed, read a bit, played with my daughter, had pizza for dinner — nothing too fancy, but perfect. Sure, my husband took our daughter to see his mom for a brief visit, but we didn’t see my mom (which we received slack for). But what was great about last year was that I did what I wanted to do. For every other holiday, our family does what everyone else wants us to do. We figure out what both families are doing and then do the mad juggle between several houses (never our own of course and not by choice). By the end of each holiday we are exhausted. Not Mother’s Day though. That is my day…except this year.

Everyone was so disappointed last year so I’ve once again agreed to accommodate the older generation of moms. In doing this, of course we have to be fair and see both our moms, which means we will once again be driving all over the place. Lunch with one family, dinner with another, and a 45-minute drive in between. All the while, we will hold our breath hoping that our daughter stays in good spirits without a proper nap. In hindsight, I’m bitter with my decision. I wish I stood my ground because I am now dreading Mother’s Day. Next year I will be selfish again.

I wonder though, when does the switch happen with Mother’s Day? My mom certainly doesn’t see her mom and until recently my mother-in-law didn’t see her mom either. With a sister-in-law who still centers the day around her mom, when I can put my foot down permanently without being the selfish one? Have you put your foot down yet or do you also spend your Mother’s Day running around like any other holiday?

Commuter Mom: If the Shoe Fits

2008-04-29T10:10:00.002-05:00

I would call myself a “girly girl.” I like make-up, I like to go shopping (although, these days I prefer internet shopping to going to the store), I love to hang out with girlfriends. One of the things I miss about college is having friends to share clothes with. Imagine my surprise when I discovered I’m sharing my closet with my 2 ½ year-old daughter!

Commuter Girl doesn’t really like to play dress-up. I got her an amazing princess dress last year that she has hardly touched. But, she LOVES to walk around the house in my shoes. She has one particular pair the she is fond of – I guess they fit her little feet the best. She wears them around the house all night. Last week she put them on and said, “Bye Mommy. I goin’ to check e-mail and go to work.”

Adorable, but here’s the problem: they are my only pair of spring heels that are work appropriate. Last week I was rushing to get out the door (what else is new?!) and was slowed down by a complete meltdown because I was wearing HER shoes.

So, aside from adding a few extra minutes to my morning routine to allow for meltdowns and still being able to get on the road and beat the morning traffic, I think I’ll buy some new spring shoes. Sounds like a good excuse for a little shopping.

New Mom: What Would You Do?

2008-04-24T08:15:00.001-05:00

Simple question — What would you do?

I was in the parking lot at the grocery store this weekend. I had just put my groceries and over-tired daughter in the car. I was pulling out of the parking spot when I realized that in the Subaru next to me there was a boy who looked to be about 3 years old, fast asleep and alone. A quick scan of the car and the parking lot turned up no apparent parent. I wanted to just stay and wait until someone returned, but New Girl was screaming in the backseat. I didn’t call the police. Should I have? Maybe the child was sick and Mom was running in to quickly pick up medicine at the pharmacy and didn’t want to disrupt a delicate sleep. Police intervention could have caused this mother to have her child removed from her custody. Would that have been right? Since becoming a parent I have a new appreciation for the variety of ways in which families go about their lives, what they think is safe, and was causes them concern. But in this case I just don’t know. What would you have done?

Modern Mom - In Search of 40 Winks

2008-04-22T09:28:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up to a rhythmic song on my alarm clock…or so I thought. It didn’t seem like it could possibly be 6:00 already, and when I blearily checked out the time I discovered that I actually had another hour to sleep. But the music kept me awake and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Had I left the TV on? Did one of the kids turn on the stereo? When the music coughed, I realized that the noise was actually coming from my 3-year-old daughter, who was camped out in her sleeping bag at the end of our bed.

And so it begins. When my son was 3, and even for a while when he was 4, he came into our room most nights and slept on the floor. At first we’d get up and bring him back to his bedroom. But after several round trips each night and not much sleep for anyone, we figured it was easier simply to let him stay. Eventually he grew out of it, and his night-time visits stopped.

I want to teach my children to spend the whole night in their own room. I want them to get used to comforting themselves when they wake up in the middle of the night. But I also really want to sleep. Should I nip the “family bedroom” in the bud or just take on a “the more the merrier” attitude?

Commuter Mom: Crap

2008-04-17T11:47:00.003-05:00

One of Commuter Girl’s new favorite games is hide and seek. Granted, she always hides behind the same bush in the yard, and she stands to the side so she can see you “looking” for her. But she squeals with delight when you find her at last.

She has a lot of hiding places in the house. No, not in closets or behind doors. Not rolled up in the curtains or under the desk. She can hide in the middle of our living room. In just about any spot in her room. It isn’t even a challenge to find a hiding place in the family room. Why? Because we have so much STUFF! How in earth did we end up with so many stuffed animals? We need to read a new book every day for the next 6 months to get through her library. There are enough puzzles to share with her entire toddler room…and each toddler could have two. We have more random trinkets that are stuffed in bags than I can count. Oh, and bags…she must have 12 tote bags in a variety of sizes. Don’t even get me started on the clothes!

So, spring cleaning is in order. I hate to throw any of it away, so I’ve found a great consignment store and I think I might try www.freecycle.org. I would have a yard sale, but who has time?!?

I am implementing a new rule based on Negative Crap Flow. If something new comes into the house…two things must leave – and they must be of equal or greater size than the new item.

Wish me luck. If I don’t show up for work on Monday, you’ll know why…I’m buried under a pile of stuff.

New Mom: Sleep Study

2008-04-15T08:37:00.001-05:00

A recent study just came out about babies and sleep and guess what? The more sleep your baby gets, the better. And guess what else? If your child doesn’t get enough sleep, they may have problems associated with sleep deprivation, such as higher anxiety levels, stress, and depression. Well, knock me over with a feather. It couldn’t possibly be that children who are already disposed to anxiety, stress, and depression subsequently have trouble sleeping, could it? The study seems to ignore this possibility and many other life factors that may contribute to sleep problems. But, what really bothered me about the study — or perhaps more accurately, the news reports about the study — is that it vilifies parents who comfort their children to sleep and do anything more than put their baby in a crib at 5 months old and just walk away.

Admittedly, my skepticism about the study was fueled by a sound bite from an expert on ABC World News’ coverage of the study who said, “The problem begins when parents hug and rock their babies to sleep.” In the word’s of another ABC News reporter, John Stossel, “Give Me a Break!” I’m all for getting your baby to sleep through the night, and for getting her to be able to comfort herself to sleep on her own. In fact, I’m very proud of the fact that we’ve gotten New Girl to sleep through the night, and we suffered the difficult sleep training it took to do it. As for falling asleep on her own, that happened much more gradually. I LOVED hugging her and rocking her to sleep, and so did she. But it took months of gradual steps at a much older age before we were both ready to give it up. I know that sleep is good for babies and the ability to self soothe is an important skill for all children. I’m not sure any of us need a major research study to teach us that. But what I’m sure we don’t need is another group of researchers offering a one-size-fits-all solution, packaged to maximize headlines, without regard for the added anxiety, stress, and more sleepless nights they’ve heaped upon millions of loving, caring parents who do the most natural thing in the world when they hug and rock their babies to sleep.

Modern Mom: Sisterly Love

2008-04-10T08:45:00.002-05:00

Modern Mom has big news — we’ve adopted another baby. Our latest addition is the happiest child I’ve ever met. He smiles easily and broadly, lighting up the room and warming my heart. But I’m afraid all that’s about to change.

My three-month idyll has come to a close, and it’s time to go back to work. That means baby will join his big sister at child care, which is a fabulous turn of events for her but not so much for him. In fact, his first day there he was inconsolable. The source of his angst? Not separation anxiety or fear of strangers. It was, in fact, watching another baby receive a bottle when it wasn’t my baby’s time to eat. Apparently, he’s a social eater (I don’t wonder where that came from!), and he just didn’t think it was fair that someone else could indulge if he couldn’t. So he cried and cried and the teachers couldn’t calm him down. Then help arrived in the form of my 3-year-old. Someone had the wonderful idea to bring her in from the preschool room. As soon as he saw her, he scurried right over and lay in her lap. (An interesting visual since despite the two year age difference he’s quite a bit bigger than she is.) If I couldn’t be there to soothe his soul and wipe his tears, I’m so glad my daughter could be. It gives me a huge sense of relief to know that they’re together each day…for the good times and the bad.

Commuter Mom: Something

2008-04-08T13:05:00.001-05:00

I am on the search for “somethin’.” In Commuter Girl’s world that means a snack. I think she must have heard me asking her if she wanted something to eat and now she just asks for “something.” It cracks me up what she picks up. Tonight she was flipping through a book and told me she had a b.a.t.h. Wow. I know, she got the word wrong, but she spelled it right!

Anyway, I digress. Commuter Girl gets in the car and immediately wants a snack. And, not just one snack, but multiple snacks. She’ll eat a little bit and then ask for “somethin’” else. I know I should probably offer her one thing and if she doesn’t want that she’s out of luck, but I’d rather not deal with the argument, to be perfectly honest. I’m looking for good car snacks that are reasonably healthy. Oh, and easy to clean up since a large percentage of the food will end up in Commuter Girl’s hair, on the floor, in the car seat, on the door, and on her hands.

We found some organic animal crackers, and she seems to like pretzel sticks. The big find recently was Late July’s organic bite-size cheddar cheese crackers. Raisins haven’t gone over so well — she’ll eat one or two and then move on. She loves popcorn, but I’m not a huge fan of her sitting in the back seat eating popcorn while I’m driving. I try to bring fruit, but other than grapes it just gets too messy. Maybe I’ll go to Whole Foods and just wander the aisles.

Guest Mom - Bitter, Sweet

2008-04-03T10:00:00.000-05:00

Like most moms, I believe I have an incredible daughter but have found juggling motherhood and working full-time to be very challenging. With my chatty 15 month old and a career I love, it’s hard to find a balance.

My daughter is in the process of transitioning into the toddler room. It’s definitely bittersweet. She needs to move up. She’s been bored lately in the infant program. In fact, her teachers think she’s eating all the time because she’s bored. Ugh!

I love her infant teachers and I’m sure the toddler teachers will be fabulous too. The bitterness comes from realizing that my daughter is growing up so quickly as I’m driving home from work, writing this in my mind. I love being a working mom. I really do. But it’s times like these when I hate it, when I feel like I’m missing out on so much, missing out on my daughter’s life. The school does a great job of keeping me informed of her daily happenings. In fact, today I brought a picture into work of my daughter that I received from the school yesterday. She was walking down the hall from the infant room to the toddler room — like such a big girl. I kept looking at it though, holding back the tears.

For our family, working allows us to live a fairly free lifestyle. We eat out when we want, we buy what we want (within reason of course), we vacation where we want, we rarely stress about money, and most importantly, we are constantly saving for the future — college AND retirement. The other plus is that my daughter is in a fantastic program. She is learning so much — so much more than I think I could ever teach her. She’s exposed to educational experiences that I know I would struggle to come up with if I were a stay-at-home mom. Knowing that is bitter. I look forward to the weekends where we can play, cuddle, giggle, and of course when I can receive unlimited kisses. Regardless of where she spends her weekdays, I believe she still thinks I’m the best storyteller, maker of animal sounds, person to squeeze inside a giant box with, peek-a-boo player, chef, fort maker, playmate, entertainer, and so on. Knowing that is sweet.