Slices From A Pie Called Life

I'm Back!

2008-06-26T17:24:00.001+05:30

Been quite a while that something got posted to the blog. Its been over a month! No nothing has changed, i am still the same, except i am happier, content, sorted, thinking right and enjoying life, yeah maybe its a change from what i have been writing in the past.

No random incidents have happened, so there is no room for random ramblings. Things have been only on an incline on the personal front. Professionally? Well i am not sure, its a little hard to say.

There are these road blocks that one stumbles upon every now and then, walking the walk and talking the talk, losing the focus, gaining the brain dead. Sometimes u feel why are u doing this, is it going to be this way for the rest of your life, is it going to be the same forever. Will u ever move up the ladder, and if u do, where will you be?

Smiling has become a part of life, mutual understanding is the bliss that i live in. I dont have much to complain about, things and life have been on a general upswing.

Today, i have everything that i never did. What i hold dear is something that i have dreamt of.

Amen!

Tag

2008-05-20T16:21:00.002+05:30

The tag Chaits passed on.

Last movie seen in a movie hall: Shaurya

What book are you reading:My own Book! (Slices From The Pie Called Life)

Favourite board game(s):Life, Cluedo

Favourite magazine:Any Auto Mag or a Tech Mag (T3 is cool)

Favourite smells:Smell of the first Rain on mud!

Favourite sound:My phone beeping and i know who is calling :)

Worst feeling in the world: Irritation

Whats the first thing you think of when you wakeup:I'm Late

Favourite fast food place:Ginger Marie, Myst, Firangi Pani,

Future childs name: …

Finish the statement “If I had a lot of money I’d …” :Travel, Travel, Travel

Do you drive fast:Sometimes, mumbai doesnt allow that actually

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Never

Storms-Cool or scary?: 100% cool

Do you eat the stems on the broccoli: Yup ..

If you could dye your hair any color, what would your choice be: Red

Name all the diffrent cities/towms you’ve lived in: Jindra, Deolali, Delhi, Tezpur, Jalandh, Mumbai, Guwahati

Favourite sports to watch: “Cricket, NBA, F1, Moto GP

One nice thing about the person who send this to you: Rockstar!

Whats under your bed: I sleep on the floor!

Would you like to be born as yourself again: Totally !!

Morning person or night owl? : Both, neither and either .. depending on nothing.. just random disturbed sleep cycle.

Over easy or sunny side up?:Sunny Side Up!

Favourite place to relax: Jhoola at my place

Favourite pie: Apple

Favourite Icecream flavour: Rum Raisin in chocolate.

Of all the people you tagged this to, who’ll respond first? : No clue !!

Moved

2008-04-10T18:45:00.001+05:30

Some recent posts have been moved to a new location. There were a little to personal for the generic one. This new location is accessible by invitation only. If u wanna take a peek let me your email id, i'll give u access :)

Tagged!

2008-03-12T15:37:00.003+05:30

This has been pending for a bit now. so i thought what better than put this up

Ten Things You Wish You Could Say to People (but can't/don't)

I am not up for it
NO
I am scared
I Love You
I don't care what you think about me
I Like You
I wanna run away from here
I wanna quit my job and go to the himalayas
you are the stupidest person i know
leave me alone

Nine Unknown Things about Yourself

I am emotional
I like pretty feet
am quite random when i want to
i hate losing friends
i have a problem with expressing myself
i hate to wake up in the morning
i love texting, hate talking
I have a thing for nose rings
i get uncomfortable when i am in a crowd

Eight Ways to Win Your Heart

Expressive eyes
Intelligence
long drives
just you and me
be with me
hold my hand
giving little attention is enough
weekend getaways - just u and me!

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot

where am i heading?
what does the future have in store for me?
Snuggles
How Big will i make it in life?
who will be the soul mate?
when will this mess end?
When will i be able to get all i want?

Six Things You Regret

Wish i was more expressive
I wish letting go was easier
I wish i hadn't got into that relationship
I wish i could say NO easily
I wish i had been a bit more confident
I wish i was more out going

Five Turn-Off's

Attitude
Non responsive people
Ugly feet
Bad drivers
Know it all kinda people

Four Turn-On's

Pretty Feet
Nose rings
Expressive eyes
'Good to hold' hands

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die

Watch a F1 Race - live
Travel to at least 50 places across the world
Get a Harley Davidson

Two Smileys that Describe You

`:-) [one eyebrow raised]
:-S [confused]

One Confession

I cannot tell someone how much i love them, or how exactly i feel about them, i have ended up liking the wrong people in the past.

Love & Relationships

2008-03-05T00:36:00.003+05:30

The Oxford University Press’ compact dictionary defines “Love” as (noun) 1 an intense feeling of deep affection. 2. A deep romantic attachment to someone. 3 a great interest and pleasure in something. 4. A person or thing that one loves.

It also defines “Relationship” is (noun) 1 the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected. 2 the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other. 3. An emotional association between two people.

We clubbed together is becomes “Love Relationship”, though the Oxford Dictionary doesn’t have this as an entry, I am trying to decipher the meaning, the way I see/understand it. To begin with, its quite complicated. Its not very definable by a lesser mortal like me, but I shall still give it a shot.

I start with the other words that come to my mind when I think of love. Those words are: trust, respect, attachment, selfless, life, understanding, respect, association, happiness, joy, cherish, ecstasy, passion, serene, warmth. These are the first set of words that I think of when I think of love. But, in this world of people being slightly selfish, how true do these words hold? Lets be honest, its not an utopian world out there and none of us are saints, so how true is the definition of love and relationship?

Lets try the same for the words I associate with relationship: bond, love, happiness, calm, peace, warmth, joy, understanding, happiness, partnership, association, attachment. Then again how many of us actually feel this way about relationships? I mean when I hear about relationships I have heard about fights, incompatibility, lack of space, lack of understanding, pain.

Another try as word associations, let me try and pick out the common attributes to words I associate with love and relationship. I come up with the following: attachment, warmth, happiness, joy, and understanding. These 5 words pretty much define a relationship for me so to say. Yes I need the warmth, I want to be attached to someone, I want to feel the happiness, I want to spend my life in joy and I want my partner to understand me.

But then I cannot be selfish here and just hope to get it all just sitting down, it has to be mutual. It has to be given back the same way it would come to me. Sometimes its not the case. Sometimes we just get into something and realize midway that its not working for us. Its that moment that redefines our life, insecurity creeps in and we try and cling on to it, supported by the small little good memories and things that we experienced for the first time, its always a case that if this ends, I end. If this falls short, then I will not have anyone’s hand to hold, I will be left standing out cold and torn.

Its general human tendency, it’s a characteristic trait that is imbibed into us since we are kids and we are taught to be loving, affectionate, respect the binds and attachment that we share with family and friends. That’s the seed of where it all starts, that’s where it all originates from. We all are suckers for emotions, drama, happiness, love, feeling to love, want to be loved. But then life always has a lesson or two in store for us every time. We win some. We lose some. We run the race, we keep the pace, we have the patience, we nurture the steam to carry on.

Free Hugs Campaign!

2008-02-29T16:07:00.004+05:30

The Free Hugs Campaign is a phenomenon which involves individuals who offer hugs to strangers in public settings. It began in June, 2004,[1] and was widely publicized in 2006 by a music video on YouTube that was filmed and produced by the australian band Sick Puppies. The campaign is an example of a random act of kindness, a selfless act performed by a person for the sole reason of making others feel better.

If you want to know more you can read about it on

The Wikipedia Page

Official Free Hugs Campaign Website

If u really really need a HUG! i am always there!

Hurt Granted

2008-02-22T11:43:00.000+05:30

Well its something that may have happened to all of us, more often than not we just don't see it coming. We are blinded by either love, faith, friendship or hatred. Sometimes we are with blinkers on and just don't pay heed to the surroundings and circumstances building around us, we are ignorant to the signs. Ignorant to facts and on a single track.

More often than not we are hurt by people who are close to us, people whom you love unconditionally and expect nothing but gestures. Yeah i know, you must be wondering how can i talk about 'unconditional' and 'expectations' in the same breath. Well i guess expecting gestures is a bit different than expectations. Its intangible, its not seen, cannot be held, cannot be quantified.

Sometimes its something that can jolt you back to reality and bring you to your senses and tell you who you really are and what you might mean to some people, especially to those who mean a lot to you. Its just that you feel cheated, you feel disgusted, you are angry, you don't know how to actually react. Its not jealousy that does this to you coz unconditional love doesn't see any barriers of hatred, jealousy, unpleasantness, dislike. Its just so beautiful that you become unaware of what it might be leading to. Sometimes its better not to express things and just be quiet about everything you feel.

A lot about us often goes misinterpreted, we are taken for granted, the pain we suffer increases by a degree or two, in the does it all feels as if it just wasn't worth it and all the efforts that you put in, time, money, initiative, were all were not even the 2 pence it could have been. U think like someone who has been trampled upon, used, be led on!

But then thanks to some 'angels', sanity prevails and you come back to life and realize that its time to move on and maybe it was your fault in expecting even that little gesture. Its not the investment to time that has gone waste coz someone once said that if you give someone your time you have given them the most precious thing, its never going to come back. And the best thing about expecting the future is that it comes only one day at time. So you exactly know how much we are capable of handling, it too is within limits of control.

A wise man one said, 'don't expect! Expectations make you fall flat on your face' and someone also said, 'its not the big things that matter and make an impression, its the small gestures that matter the most.'

i'm someone who bases my decisions and judgements about people on the way they behave with me. I'll go out of the way to tickle their funny bone in an effort to leave my foot prints. But for me its a thread, the fine silk thread. Its there, difficult to see but it exists, and will continue to exist for eternity, but its delicate and can be broken at some point in time. It can be repaired too but the knot too will remain for eternity.

Peace brother!
Thanks Bud & Mitesh!
You guys are the best, and true for life.
Amen!

Freedom, Bravery, Letting Go - Bravo!

2008-02-06T22:50:00.000+05:30

Before this year started, i has written a post and saved it in the drafts coz i wasn't used to writing posts like that, as in something that overtly positive and about turning about a new leaf. we i thought about a lot of things considerably and then decided to publish it.

i wished for a couple of things for me and a few friends. and its indeed turning out to a pretty eventful year in the best sense. a lot of it is working in the favour of almost everyone. Some people werent mentioned on the wish list coz it wasnt what it is now, there are some new found friendships and associations that have emerged and i am really really thankful for their existance, not simply because you have to survive, but its DEEPER than that, thats the way i see it, its a real friendship that will go on till eternity.

This post is a dedication to a deep conversation and a revelation that i came across yesterday and in more than one ways i was stumped to know what lies beneath that smile, what lies beneath that every enthusiastic attitude, what lies beneath that bubbly nature. it initially came as a surprise but it soon turned to respect and admiration towards the entire thing and especially her.

Sometimes you think of giving it up, but u just dont think of the reason why you held up so long. Do or die is an old thinking, its more about do before you die! The feeling of having given it is satisfing. Atleast u gave it what u had, and walked the longest yard. You have nothing to lose, nothing to be afraid of. It takes a lot of strength and courage to tread on the path of freedom and letting go of things ever so completely.

i truly respect 2 women who have fought it out, and i am in awe. hats off ladies. A woman has strengths that amaze men, she can handle trouble and carry burdens. she holds happiness, love, and opinions, she smiles when she feels like screaming, she sings when she feels like crying, cries when she is happy and laughs when she is afraid. her love is unconditional!

But she sometimes forgets what she is worth. its a dedication to all the beautiful women i know. respect!

Push The Limits

2008-01-29T18:53:00.001+05:30

Its always a divide for people to know the difference between passion and something that they like doing, more like a hobby. there is a close friend of mine who started something as a hobby and now has decided to turn it into a career.

the problem remains that the hobby has turned into a career but the passion is missing. the career is still taken as a hobby, the future is unclear. the focus is missing. the drive to get to the end is lacking.

there is only 'this much' that you can push people to do, and there is a line that we all tread on when it comes to even friendship. too much of anything is bad. so i guess i can talk about it and think about it only to a limit, after that i might reach a spot where i am the blind spot or my concern and ramblings fall on a dead ear or that i am just someone who constantly nags at one specific topic and i have nothing more to discuss.

things arent all that rosy, age isnt exactly on his side. time is flying as usual. near and dear ones are working up a sweat thinking about his future. he has gone into depression a couple of times regarding his own future and yet has not done anything about it.

i guess i have to push him a little more and maybe for the last time. i am sincerely hope that it works, i have the support of all his friends and especially 2 who excel at the line of work that he is currently in. yet, there is no sense of urgency and complete lack of emotion towards it.

god bless him! i am there to help him. we are there to help him. if only he listened and pushed the limits.

may the force be with him, god speed!

Once

2008-01-29T17:33:00.001+05:30

there she was, standing
dressed in black, looking stunning as ever
i wanted to reach out and touch her
make her feel loved and wanted

have tried to tell her several times
it just doesnt work the way it was to
living in the dreams and thoughts
wanting it to live through

she came along, lively as always
wanting to take me by my hand
i never understood the meaning
never did i realize the intentions

i was always living in my shell
never wanting to get out,
she wanted me to discover myself,
never did it happen through

something was strangling me
she taught me to breathe easy
she bought me hope,
by cutting each and every rope

Since then I dream that once
Yes just once
Some stronger then I
Will look me straight in the eye

lead me to the ultimate
live with me till the end
be with me for eternity
once. just once!

Walk of life

2008-01-29T00:57:00.000+05:30

i guess it was a good decision to change the name of my blog from "its about me" to slices from the pie of life, simply beacuse thats what life is all about. you divide your life into slices and give a piece of it to everyone. life is like time, its like if you have to give someone something special, give them time and they will be happy coz you would have given them something which is never going to come back and its a part of your life.

its like a lot of people walk in and out of your life and there are only a special and selected few who matter and become important in short span of times. its been about 3 months that i have joined a new work place. its a welcome change from what i was doing previously but a new places has its own demerits. you take time adjusting, you need to get fimiliar with people and systems and find your comfort zone.

this place if fun in its own way, its saner, its happier, its cleaner and the best thing is the the people! someone who specifically needs a special mention is the new friend that i have made here. she is fu, spontaneous, chirpy, bubbly and i share a kick ass frequency with her, i am not sure what it would be like if she wasnt around, or if there was someone else in place of her.

we have shared some hilarious moments in the past fortnight or so, spent long hours in office which would have (almost has) drove anyone mad and over the edge, but then there she comes to the rescue, the everlasting humming of Main Teri Parchhain Hoon, or the Ramayan title track or our very dear Simi-ji and Kjo going 'Shaava' - 'Shaava'!

she is someone who has helped me maintain my sanity and helped me from staying away from the asylum! you are a dear friend and i hope this lasts for years to come. you totally rock. bus agar woh hum - umar hoti toh kya baat thi (dont kill me) no one knows this joke and i am guessing no one knows who i am talking about besides her!

cheers to her, cheers to life, cheers to sanity, jai shree raaam!

Figment of Imagination

2008-01-29T00:30:00.000+05:30

have you ever felt a gut wrenching feeling where-in you want to hold on to someone or something so bad that you just cant even think of letting go? like something on someone who you would want to be with or someone or something who you feel should be there with you and by your side for the rest of your life, no matter what happens and whatever changes, they shouldnt and neither should the relationship with them.

well i guess this happens too all of us, we try and hold people too strong, sometimes so strong that we end up hurting them. end up ruining something that could have lasted forever, then we end up repenting over the situation that just slipped out of contol.

but then as human beings we are witness to a lot of things in so little span of time that we become habitual to accepting and ignoring things at the same pace at which they enter our lives. and plus we have the greatest healer by our side, it works magic, its called time! with time a lot changes, people change, situations change, life changes, love changes, thinking changes.

if anything is given time, it is bound to work out the way it was initially planned. we have the habit of rushing up things because we feel we might lose something or someone, and it could be a matter of just an hour or a day, had we waited, the result would have been completely different.

imagination is something that drives probably everyone. we can dream of devils and dungeons and we can dream of fairies and wonderlands. if we give ourselves time, we can change and acheive al lot with our imaginations.

by gones are by gone. we just think about them initially, for a day, for a weel, for a month, for a year, for a couple of years, but then they slowly recede, they are weaned off. they remain, maybe in our hearts, somewhere hidden and burried, somewhere untraceable. only a few situations and places trigger them back to life. its like digging up old graves, you dont achieve anything.

let them remain, let them stay where they are, for us they once existed, for us they may never have. yet they remain, a figment of our imagination!

2008 - All around!

2008-01-24T17:31:00.000+05:30

This is just my second post of this new year, shame on me! well have been really caught up with life around work and have been keeping late hours for a long time now. there isnt much happening around the other aspects of life for me, but there is some all around cheer that surrounds a lot of things that matter to me.

Let me start with work. its been a great start to a much awaited general entertainment channel called NDTV Imagine, that has promised to entertain and delight audiences. yes! its finally here, launched on 21st Jan with a lot of fanfare and promise. the numbers are looking goooood!

I work for the digital media team and my responsibilities are limited to making the channel presence felt on the internet and mobile world. well if you can be kind enough to check out NDTV Imagine's Official Website

please provide any feedback that you (besides the fact that the website is kinda slow because of the flash, we are working on it)

its one of those positive starts, a lot of things are falling into place. My finances are taking one step at a time towards bliss.

My first wish for friends took a giant leap as one of my friends took a baby step towards her happiness. Its something that i was trying to get done for the longest time, but then i know its all so easy when its said and a different new ball game when it has to be done, its a very difficult and a brave decision to take. I respect her for being so and i appreciate the fact that she is making and effort to reach her goal of being happy.

Another friend is getting close to finding her calling. She working hard to make i work and get things in place and sorted for whats needed to be done about her life. On the work front its going good, great infact, i like what i do, have creative freedom both in terms of planning and execution. Something that i wanted to do from a very long time, is happening, hope this continues.

There are a lot of things i wanna do this year, travel is one of them, i guess i need to give it time for a couple of things to fall in place. I wanna be more confident, more out going, more fun. Essentially i wanna turn over a new leaf altogether.

Cheers to 2008! so far so good!

Cheer!

2008-01-02T16:56:00.001+05:30

Every year brings with it its own highs, lows, success, joy, happiness. I hope this year brings with it only positivity! Ups and downs are a way of life. This year should promise to be unlike any other, better than the best ever seen.

There are lot of hopes, there are lot of expectations. There are lot of wishes for myself and friends. Like, i wanna improve my financial situation, i wanna take some things more seriously, i wanna improve as a human being, i wanna try and find true love ;)

for my friends, the wishes are very specific. For one, i want her to be happy, sort her life out, get the best, be relieved of any trauma, get into her routine, be respected, be loved, be pampered, be take care of and be treated like a princess.

For another friend it is that she may get rid of confusion, be delivered towards calmness, lateral thinking, settle down, get the job she wants, sort her life out.

Another wish for another friend. He should be able to fulfil his dream of travelling, climbing the ladder of success, get what he deserves, all opportunities should come knocking.

Another one. Get away from the confusion. Lay things to rest, think straight, focus, not be bothered, look out for what matter, not take unnecessary tensions.

The list can go on and on. But this new year will bring along what is always does. Another year full of maturity, another holiday list at work, another appraisal, another birthday, another festive reason full of love, light, joy. Most of all another 365 days of meeting new people, of getting to know friends better.

its about living it up. how u do it, with who you do it is another matter! live it up the best you can coz u never know whats in store for tomo and u never know whats going to happen when!
cheers to a brand new day and a new begining!

No Need to Argue

2007-12-25T15:29:00.000+05:30

Someone sometimes becomes so special to you that you would never wanna lose them. So much so that you forget the reality of life and start living in that fantasy world of that someone being always there for you for the rest of their lives.

But then, one day someone bring you back with a jolt and you know that what you were dreaming of will never happen. That someone belongs to someone else and one day, whether we like it or not, will go away. Everything that there is now, will be a memory and a dream. Something that might evoke one of the 2 reactions, you will be raging mad or you will be expressionless. It would matter.

Well in most cases, the world based on the fantasy evokes the latter reaction. But that person is etched in your memory for ever, you treasure them for the rest of your life. Some things come in between and there is distance. You start preparing yourself that one day they will go and it will never be the same again.

Somewhere in your mind, you know that you will lose them. Like a gust of wind – they will be swept away from your life and there wont be a trace of them besides in your memory. You will remember all the things that you once shared with them, you always consoled yourself that it will work out fine and then after it has all happened, you think if it was a waste?

Well, you will forget it all in time and try and live the dream that you treasured and nurtured for all this while. You cant run away from it, you cant forget about it, you can only look back and cherish the moments and be happy that they happened rather than being sad and thinking what did not happen.

At this point, let Cranberries take over with “No Need To Argue”

There’s no need to argue anymore
I gave all I could
But it left me so sore
And the thing that makes me mad
Is the one thing that I had

I knew, I knew, I’d lose you
You’ll always be special to me

WHILE

2007-12-24T15:28:00.000+05:30

Not written in a while. Not been in touch for a while. Well yeah even 3-4 days seem like a while especially when you are used to talking to someone as much as twice a day, and suddenly you or they disappear.Its funny actually, how dependant we can be on someone. How can we be so dependant on someone and how that someone become’s a partner whom you can share everything with yet not expect any sympathy or feedback coz you know it all exists and its all unsaid.

But slowly you get used to it, slowly you respect it and you start weaning yourself off from that someone but the feelings remain, guess they will remain for a while or maybe forever.You start looking forward to some things and you start deriving pleasure. Instead of having a sad approach to things you start appreciating things. Life doesn’t suck anymore and you find it all funny and take everything with a pinch of salt.

Some friends start seeming dearer and some completely a pain. You start distancing yourself from some and become closer to others. Something’s in life derive a new meaning. You start valuing and cherishing some things and respecting others.

There could have been causes and effects. Causes of what happened and effects of what happened, sometimes its good and sometimes its bad, how we take it and how we deal with it, its in our head. Something that we have been expecting and it doesn’t happen, can lead to one of the 2 things, one, we either get demoralised and start cribbing or we get our much deserved peace of mind. I use this space of vent out my feelings, and it usually happens when i’m not at peace with myself, but considering i haven’t written in a while, would mean that i’m at mental peace, yes i am!

I know my job is good, i know that i have to work 6 days a week, i know how to plan my day off, i know i have a friend whom i can rely on with my life, i know that the one i love, doesn’t love me the way i do, i know that my family will stick by me, i know that i have a great number of friends, i know that i know.

Nothing seems more pleasureable than knowing the matters pertaining to the heart, those are the ones that cause the maximum anxiety. They are the ones that can cause sleepless nights, they are the ones that compel you to think a lot.Some things are better said than understood. Clears the air, takes care of the animosity, makes you aware on how you should react to things.

Paulo Coelho in his book, the alchemist, says that ‘forgetting is painful, waiting is painful, but not know which to do, is killing!’.

Resonance

2007-12-18T15:26:00.000+05:30

Today is one of those days when I am at peace with myself. I haven’t got anything to think about, I haven’t got any random thoughts to ramble on, yet I feel like writing. Some things don’t matter anymore, some things don’t bother me anymore, and some things I don’t think about at all.

It’s a short lived nirvana! But its worth it in whatever ways and means it comes. Sometimes I become completely ignorant to things and people too, something that I hate about myself sometimes. But then as a friend of mine puts it, I should let go of things and stop and look around and take things the way they come instead of making things happen.

Living life on its terms has its own advantages and fun associated with it coz you really don’t know where the next twist is and where the next turn is, its like the first roller coaster ride, u don’t know when and where the next up or down will come or where the next drop or speed zone is going to be. But u also know that u will survive and live another day to tell your story, and u will have a happy ending coz entire life cannot be like a roller coaster – the brain dead feeling has to stop somewhere.

I am just tired, a little too tired. Till about 4 months back, I was like an insomniac and could not sleep, there were times when I would sleep just for 3 hours and be content. But know the brain numbing feeling takes over, compels me to put everything aside and rest a while. Maybe it’s the peace of mind that is taking over slowly. Maybe it is the ignorance!

Its maybe one of those things where u feel that if u can’t achieve something and it seems far away or the road seems treacherous then you should just rest a while, clear your thoughts and then get a head start! Or its just that its an empty feeling and the hollowness resonates and makes me ignore everthing. The dreams are still there, the wishes are still there, thoughts go around and come back to the same place as every… someone somewhere is out there, someone needs me, I need someone, maybe I do, maybe I don’t! well that’s not really for me to decide!

When something has to happen, it will and u and I cant to anything about it! Let the resonance continue, let it ring! Let the emptiness surround me, I can feel myself shouting from inside… I can feel myself trying to calm myself, I can feel the loudness inside of me, something that is waiting to escape!

Conspiracy Theory

2007-12-15T15:24:00.000+05:30

Destiny and luck are 2 things that i firmly believe in. What happens when we don’t get something that we have wanted? We end up saying maybe it wasn’t in my destiny to get it, but when we get something we end up praising ourselves saying that oh see how hard i worked to achieve it. No credit to destiny or just pure luck.

There is only a limit to what we can do and how we can push ourselves. Maybe we tried, maybe we gave it all till the last breath. But if it isn’t in your destiny, it won’t ever happen. Another theory is that we make our own destiny. Yeah i agree. All that happens to or with us is a function of our acts in the past. So technically if we don’t get something, we must have deprived someone of something in the past. Had we been good, we would have got good.

Its like the butterfly effect, or chaos theory. The flutter of a butterfly’s wing is capable of causing a tornado halfway around the world, given that certain conditions are prevailing. So essentially one flutter is capable of causing a tornado in the near future.

Since our life and our surroundings are not utopia, so is the case with the butterfly effect. But when something is needed and dreamt for so bad, and all the conditions are against you, and you are giving it your best, the stars shine down on you and align themselves to work in your favour, so the end result is worth waiting for. Almost worth dying for.

Its all a conspiracy! How? Well when u want something, it has 2 possibilities - u either get it or you don’t. Its a conspiracy that destiny plans. If you aren’t supposed to get something, you never will. But if you are supposed to, then the entire universe will conspire for it to happen!

HIGH

2007-12-13T15:22:00.000+05:30

Some things in life can give you a high beyond compare. No I’m not talking about the high that one gets from the intake of certain substances, chemical or natural.

The high here is something that is beyond words and descriptions. Picture this, you are on a deserted island without food for a couple of days, but you’ve managed to survive. Then suddenly someone out of the blue appears and lays out a seven course meal, how would that feel? Or even for that matter home cooked food! It’s like a feeling that will make you hit the roof!

Now picture something that can make your worst day worth remembering unlike otherwise. Something that you do or someone whom you either talk to or meet and you don’t think about bad things that have happened all that comes to your mind is that life is beautiful and totally worth it.

The thing about getting such a high is that it’s completely natural without any hangover. It can shine on you for days together, it can make you smile even way after it’s over coz it’s etched in your memory that it plays back to you scene after scene, frame by frame. And whenever you think about it, it makes all the tensions vanish; it makes all thoughts about having any botherations disappear.

Sometimes life takes its own time in materializing. Sometimes it can happen without warning. Usually it’s the bad that comes without warning, but the tremendous high that a good thing can give you when it comes without warning is a feeling that can be described only to someone who has experienced it.

I’m a big believer of destiny, and I know for a fact that, if something has to happen to you or if you’re supposed to get something then the whole universe will conspire for it to happen. But if something isn’t a part of the destiny, it will not come to you no matter how much we try. All efforts will go vain. The best thing to do in situations would be to just take the way things come, give it whatever you’re capable of and then just wait for it to reach that end of the road where the result will be known.

I met her, yes HER. The same person who told me that I’m wasting my time on her coz me and her will never happen. I can confess that there wasn’t a hint of animosity, there wasn’t any inhibitions. She is a dear friend; she will remain dear and grow dearer as time passes. The bond of Friendship prevailed. It was like 2 buddies hooking up after a long time. Seeing her made my day, week, month, and even my year. Seeing her relieved me of the entire trauma that I was having since morning. Seeing her was the best thing that happened to me. She was warm and friendly as ever. She was loving, affectionate as she always is.

I cherish her. I adore her. She makes me believe in destiny even more, I am eager to know what’s in store for me. I want to know how my life will shape up.

Sanity Should Prevail

2007-12-09T15:18:00.000+05:30

She has vanished after she told me. I don’t blame her. It was something she would have dreaded writing to the same person twice!

Yes something like this happened with her some years back, when someone told her that he loves her and she had to reply to that tell him that, its not going to happen. Yes that was me again. Some years back. Trying to tell her what I feel and what she is to me!

It’s about choices that people make. She has made a choice and I have made mine, for her it works for me it doesn’t

It’s all a part of the same coin. She wins, I lose. I win, she loses! But there is a difference. I want her to win. And I know she will. She is a fighter in her own right. She will come out eventually as one with the upper hand.

I will be happy. I know for a fact that when she plans to settle down with him, she will go away from my life. She will be lost in the crowd, and create her own world away from me. I dread that because, it would mean an end to a friendship that is dear, that is close to my heart (for obvious reasons)

She seems more affected by the situation than I am; she seems more reserved and doesn’t know how I will react to it and what I shall say to her!

Shall be fine! I have had a lot on the back of mind and I know that I have sometime to come to realize and work my way to sanity. Sanity will come knocking at my door sometime sooner or later. Future isn’t what u ant I can look to coz we don’t know what it’s going to be!

If only it was easy to attain a future by looking up to it, I would have changed a lot of things and the situation would have been different, as a friend puts it - u are divided between reality and fantasy! And I truly respect your stand on it - I guess I would have done the same had I been in your place!

Love is difficult, true love is elusive! Rejection causes dejection - only sanity should prevail for us to come out as winners!

BLANK

2007-12-08T15:06:00.000+05:30

I’m too confused to know. I know I aint worried about finding someone to talk to

What would life be if we got what we always wanted? Actually utopia would suck after a while. Like I’m giving 100% to something and it’s not working. So I’m up to giving 300%

But then again why do we just give up without trying, I think we all are capable of giving more that 100% but we give up at 90% thinking it’s not going to happen. Without even going that whole yard

And even if we do, we sulk saying I gave it all without any result. Instead we should be happy that we gave it

Is it always circumstances? Is it always the surrounding that hinders something not working out? Or we just need something to put the blame on?

We never want to accept the fact that we failed. As humans from the time we enter this world we have taught to win, it’s more like from the first minute we are corrupted. We are trained to be savages. We can fight our own to get what we want and we do. Irrespective. Irrelevant!

Why do our needs always get suppressed by our wants?

Is it actually wrong or illogical to dream of something in the future? As in something you feel is the best thing for you?

You try hard to make that happen or get what you want. You fight the world for it. The savage in you wakes up and you don’t care about the world. But then you realize that it’s never going to happen, even if you walk the yard

I know it’s contradictory to the fact that you won’t know till you have reached the end. But there are those intuitive feelings and surroundings that indicate otherwise

Nothing in particular, life in general I think, MY LIFE IN GENERAL

But what about your life is making u feel like that? U got a fab job & lovely parents’ n relatives’ gr8 pals

So your life is pretty sorted from where I c it

It’s your perspective. But it might not be the way it is. There are always some missing links between true and absolute happiness or rather current and final happiness

I’d say current happiness is materialistic happiness. Walking the yard leads to the ABSOLUTE happiness, bliss. As I choose to put it. But I guess bliss cannot be attained without the fighting that it needs, without the attention it demands, without the priorities. And priorities keep changing. Attention spans are short. Not everyone is a fighter. It’s confusing.

It’s what makes Bliss so blissful and worth the effort I guess. Haven’t attained it. Would want to see the light at the end. Want it to be painless, but that won’t happen. Want everything my way but it’s not meant to be

Are you bored? Or baffled? Or lost?

Baffled, totally! I don’t get d context pretext, or any text!

Well I don’t know if there is a con or a pre to this text. I wish I could tell u exactly why and where this is coming from. But I just can’t

Perspectives change. People change. Preferences change. Hate changes. Love changes. Surroundings change. Circumstances change. So let’s not plan. Let’s take it the way it comes. After so many changes happening simultaneously. It’s better to take things in the moment

I don’t know where to start. I’m in the jumble of things. Two ends in both my hands. Trying to untangle the mystery that gets deeper with each effort with each passing day, the destination seems farther. The goal seems unreachable even though I think I’m walking towards it.……It all draws up to a BLANK!

Soooooooooooo many thoughts n yet a blank

Ironic! Coz the end of this puzzle takes you right back where it started. Why is it like this? Why can’t I have a happy ending?

Maybe u r wasting your effort on a wrong thing, maybe some things aren’t meant to be

But then. If I haven’t walked the yard, how do I know if it wasn’t worth pursuing? Or it wasn’t meant to be?

Well then walk d yard n get it over wid. u will know for sure thenI appreciate that whole heartedly!

I m confounded

Confounded? I’ve heard about dumb founded. What is confounded?

I m confused

Oh ok. About what?

This mindless psycho babble?

I m confounded with what u r saying!

Irrelevant ramblings of the confused mind and soul?

I just hope it’s all irrelevant. That is all

Irrelevant to whom? You? Me? Or world in general?

Irrelevant for u

Everything remains unanswered. Everything remains the way it was. I fight. I loose. I try I fail. But the pleasure of fighting till the end will be the bliss.

And FIGHT I shall. No stopping me in that. Even though I know the end result. But the great efforts have won a lot. I shall give me a shot at the winning slot

Kudos to your spirit, so typically u!

Ok love. Just be the way you are. Don’t change. You are the best I know and I respect that more than anything else

And Sahil whatever it is…..I m sure your killer spirit will make u a winner always, I m so glad for that Sahil I really m! Thanks big J

You are the sunshine! Always remember! You have been, will be special for me for years to come.

U know Sahil I must done something rite to have a pal like u!

Inspiration or Rejection?

2007-12-08T15:02:00.000+05:30

She said today that maybe I am wasting my time and I should stop pursuing her and get a life o my own. And I should forgive her for she cannot be with me, coz she adores me and respects me as a friend. And nothing more. All this while it’s been one sided! I love her and she loves me, but she doesn’t love me the way I do.

I have never been afraid of rejection because I have never had anything to lose. In all my endeavors I have given all I could, but then I guess it wasn’t the ‘made for each other’. I guess it’s all about destiny – people say that it can happen, anything can happen, anytime. I believe it. She refusing doesn’t change my attitude towards her, she remains as dear as it gets! No hang ups! I have lost before, I have lost this time too, it’s becoming a habit – but I aint complaining.

But she is so dear to me that I can’t think of anyone else but her, I just can’t figure my life without her. Why doesn’t life give u all that you want? Why is it so picky and choosy in letting you decide what is good for you!?

A friend of mine had a beautiful way of putting it. He says that it’s a dilemma for her; she has reality close to her and has her ideal fantasy some distance away. But like human nature, it’s very difficult to accept fantasy even though you have been in contact with it. She has taken the right decision – she has chosen the path with all her sense and sensibility that prevails her at this moment.

I am trying to understand this from her perspective, what would she be feeling? on one hand she has someone whom she has been with for 6 years and has been there with her and for her in her thick and thin, then there is me, who she hasn’t met in almost 8 years and I am still there - talking to her each day, comforting her and maybe shamelessly trying to tell her that I too love her and maybe I am the one she should be with!

On a very broad perspective, or rather on a 3rd party perspective, what would she be feeling? I mean that divide is there but it’s not a 50-50 divide, it’s more of an 80-20 divide against me, coz maybe she doesn’t know me, maybe she doesn’t really understand me. Maybe she doesn’t know how to deal with me. She and I have gotten close, very close in fact, maybe closer than we have ever been, she has shared her life with me, and I have shared my life with her.

I have tried to tell her that I am there for her, but am I? Sitting some 1400 km away from her, I can’t even rescue her, all I can do is pick up the phone and comfort her if she needs me, but till this day she hasn’t tasked me for any support, I feel sometimes that I force myself on her and try to get all the information out of her.She is someone who is so dear to me that it’s difficult to understand the boundaries. I can push myself to do anything for her, so I feel and so I shall.She is someone who is so dear to me and been through so much at such a young age that I want to see her happy and loved and content – and I think that it’s only me who can give her this.

I am constantly thinking what I should be doing to make her mine? I am a simple and straight forward guy and I cannot manipulate anyone for getting me happy, I cannot cross the thin red line I am treading, I just cannot, so what do people like me do? What do we do to get a result in our favor and come out winning? I don’t know and I have been trying to figure that out myself

Chances of something like this are very rare, don’t see something like this happening very soon, till then its battle royale for someone I love, try and be with her within the limits of reality and sanity.

I only wish she knew!

But then destiny is what makes things happen!!

Only Richard Marx comes to my mind right now

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn’t stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

Disconnected

2007-11-04T15:13:00.000+05:30

Well its just another way to let the steam off… World hold on!! Just give it a break, somethings are not meant to be, and somethings never will, whats the point? why pursue a lost cause? trying is everything? yeah right i know i said that in that last post.

But things cannot me one sided, the earlier you realise the better it is for everyone! well atleast for you, coz u are the one who is getting all into it and all willing to fight till the last breath, you wanna do that coz when the end is near, and someone asks you what will be one thing that you will change, one decision that you would like to alter if given an opportunity to go back into the past. the answer shouldn’t be, oh i wish i would have fought it then and died rather than think about it for the rest of my life, hoping, praying and looking for ways and means that i wish i could do something to go back and change what happened.

somethings are just there, to be cherished and not repented, somethings are meant to be selfless, somethings lead to disconnection and something make you trip, its like a booby trap, u never know whats gonna get you when or what would affect you when, dedication and devotion may not always be the best way to handle a situation, sometimes drastic steps are required. sometimes something out of the ordinary is what it takes to keep a lot of things on track and make them possible.

I Love You - so, I feel! whats in you is hard for me to say! i just wish, i just hope, i just want, but i cant and will not cross the line! you may not see US together, i see US together, you may not want US to be together, i want US to be together, thats what the disconnect is all about.

Trying Hard

2007-11-03T14:34:00.000+05:30

Always have believed that its always worth to give something a ‘try’ and try as best as you can. somethings are in your control, somethings aren’t, but the satisfaction of giving something a try is always worth it, atleast you cant repent later saying that you didnt even try.

Outcome of a lot of trying may not be in your favour, but trying till u can is the key.

I liked someone, i tried.

i loved someone, i tried.

i still am

and its totally worth it.

Its a matter of time,

if you try, it might happen

it might not happen

the satisfaction is there

there shouldnt be anyone

who would say,

are u trying because of me

is it me who started it

it was over for you

until i came along

my answer is NO

its not you,

its me, i like to try

and it totally seems

worth it, atleast i tried

all u can do is try

if it happens, it GREAT

if it doesnt,

maybe you didnt try HARD ENOUGH

but atleast you did

some said to me that they are guilty of something, they are guilty of aggravating something, its not them, its me… i am stuck… for some more time, some more time till there is no pressure, till there is no option, but i will try till that moment!

i will have joy, the joy of trying! the satisfaction of giving it all i had! maybe i could have seen it till the very end, maybe it could have ended in a different way, maybe we could have ended up together

MAYBE!

Trippy

2007-10-28T14:32:00.000+05:30

I havent taken a trip down that memory lane in a long time, its something that scares me, its the cold that makes me shiver with the goose-bumps. its something that keeps me from revisiting the past.

it feels like the sliver, that splinter of wood stuck under your skin that it cannot be seen, yet its a constant reminder via the pain that its capable of causing, something that always urges you to understand that every rose has a thorn and life may not be the bed of roses that you may have pictured it to be.

its a constant struggle that makes you wither with pain, understand that the black chapter of our lives need revisiting and some lessons need to be learnt from them over time. we tread the path that is lined with slivers all over and we hunt for our salvation, our way to achieve something new or run away from something in your past lives, but what we fail to understand is that those slivers work in our favour, we may choose not to travel that road and bury it somewhere in the deep and dark corners of our hearts and minds, thinking of moving on, no learning, not understanding.

The future is out support to forget the past and live through the present, but sometimes that future seems hazy, seems blinding, seems to be standing far, laughing at us and mocking us for what we do in our past and in our present, the futures shapes based on those actions.

its difficult to let go of someone whom u have loved and been there for for a long time, but there comes a time wherein we have to give in, we have to move in, we cannot be stuck in the present of what we are doing or the bright and happy future we may be seeing now, coz things just dont turn out to be the way they are always!

its a race for salvation, its a race for happiness. everyone is running a different race, yet we compete with each other! ironic! take those trips down memory lane and cherish them for whatever they are worth and live the dream for a brighter today and a sparkling tomorrow so that when u look back on these days, u know they were completely worth it!