A little hope from Oklahoma.....

I get chills all over again....

2009-11-12T18:09:00.000-08:00

I had my 2nd appointment today with the hematologist to follow up on my abnormal blood test results. In the last few months my white blood count was very low and my lymphocyte count was high. They found this out through all of my testing to diagnose my gall bladder. They then looked back in my chart and found that for the last 18 months or so, my white blood count had steadily been going down. My PCP referred me to the hematologist and as I had mentioned earlier he had thrown around some very scary words like leukemia. Of course, I was worried and enlisted my prayer warriors to start going before the thrown on my behalf.
This second low blood count result was around the 15th of October (my first being a week earlier). I then waited for several weeks to see the hematologist and was worried that I might really be sick. Still praying for a positive outcome, but still thinking about all of the "what if's".
Two weeks ago was my first appointment with the hematologist. They took 12 viles of blood and tested me for pretty much everything that would be of concern with a low blood count. She said she fully expected for me to have to come back several times and have more labs to try to find the reason why my counts would be this low. She said my chances of leukemia (in her opinion) were low, but there were a lot of options and things it could be, so she just ran a bunch of tests.
Today I got a call from her office saying that I needed to go over to the hospital before my appointment to have more labs drawn. She wanted to confirm the results she got from her lab.
I am not going to lie, I thought the worst and I was nervous.
By the time I made my way to my appointment, she had the lab results from 2 weeks ago and from today.
Doctor: "Well, I can't really explain these results. I just wanted to make sure, so I sent you over to the hospital to confirm the results we got and make sure we didn't make a mistake".
Me: gulp and breath holding....
Doctor: "Well, I can't really explain this but your test results came back completely normal. Your white count is perfect".
Me: "What? Really?"
Doctor: "Ya, it doesn't really make much sense, but good news is good news! Even your vitamin levels are great (I don't take vitamins at all and she was sure my blood tests would show vitamin deficiency) Everything came back great.
Me: "It makes sense to me".
Doctor: "Really?"
Me: "It makes sense to me because I have had about 5,000 people praying for me and my complete healing".
Doctor: smile, wink

I get chills all over again just writing this. What a testimony to my God and my Jehovah Jirah and Jehovah Rophe. My God who provides and heals.

Thank you to everyone who went before my God on my behalf and for all of the prayers, support and encouragement. Please continue to pray for me as I have surgery this Tuesday. These blood results also cleared me for surgery and my clotting factors are good, so I feel much better about this surgery. I am looking forward to not being in doctors offices every few days and finally feeling better!
I follow up with my hematologist every 3 months for a year and she will run repeat CBC's and if I have normal white cell results then I will be released from her as a patient!

Every time I think about this, I get chills all over again....

Full contact origami....

2009-11-11T17:36:00.001-08:00

When things don't make sense. That title right there, doesn't make sense. Life, it doesn't always make sense, ya know?
That title "full contact origami" came from a really good application essay for some kid trying to get into college (I must give credit where it is due) and it was part of our chapel lesson today given by the great Jon Ensor. Remember that name. One day, you will know him. Whether you hear him speak or read a book he writes, you will know who he is one day. He is that awesome.
So he spoke on when things aren't what you expect. You wouldn't expect origami to be a full contact activity, would you?
I feel like that could be a title to my life story or a book I could write. I write one in my head. Chapter by chapter title, page by page, it is being written. Maybe I will share it one day.
No, but seriously, so far my life has not been what I expected. Some of those are bad, some good. Some just different.
I will admit. I don't like change, unless it is my idea. But most of the change I experience is rarely my idea. I really don't like when things don't go my way. "Expect the unexpected" is a phrase on the show Survivor and when it is part of a game, I don't mind it much but throw that bad boy into real life and "houston, we have got a problem". Me, no likey.
Looking back on all my "unexpected" and reflecting on it all has allowed me to grow and be who I am today. Do I wish I could grow in a less painful way? Um, heck yes. But they don't call it "growing pains" for nothing ;)
I go to the hematologist tomorrow, trying not to "expect" anything, then maybe I will be more open to change, if that be the direction the Lord takes me tomorrow. We will see. I am suiting up for some "Full contact origami" I can tell you that much.
Time for Glee!! Have a great week.

Toothless Wonder

2009-11-08T18:39:00.000-08:00

Hannah lost 2 teeth this week. Both of her front ones. They were loose for a while and this week she had me pull them both, a few days apart. She looks so cute without her front teeth! She spent a lot of time on her notes to the tooth fairy and she was very excited to get her $ from the tooth fairy! My baby is growing up!

Random

2009-11-03T17:26:00.000-08:00

Hannah let me pull one of her front teeth tonight so she has an adorable toothless grin!
Hannah also started cheer today at school. They practice every Tuesday and cheer for the elementary basketball games starting in January. She is so excited!
Another exciting bit of info is that my parents are flying me, Dave and the kiddos out for Christmas this year! It has been FOREVER since we have been able to spend Christmas in Cali! We are all VERY excited!
Please pray for Kaleb as he is fighting a cold that has turned into an infection. We started antibiotics last night, so hopefully it will take care of it. We are bound and determined to be in Cali for Christmas no matter what!!
Tonight was the first games at WCA for basketball and it is the first time in quite a few years that I don't have to be there! I miss coaching but really know it was the right decision and listening to God about not doing it anymore was definitely the right choice. It will be fun to go and cheer them on but not have any pressure or stress!

Resting in His truth.....

2009-10-29T16:06:00.000-07:00

So lately there has been a lot going on. After many tests and lots of money, they discovered that I do in fact need my gallbladder out. I cannot get into the surgeon for 3 more weeks because of insurance and other various medical mysteries, I am on the cancellation list just in case but if that doesn't happen I will have surgery November 17.
Through all of this testing for my gallbladder, I have had some abnormal blood results. My regular doctor threw around some scary words like leukemia and sent me to a hematologist/oncologist today. The hematologist/oncologist was mad at my doctor for throwing that scary word around and although she did not rule it out, she said it was a very slim possibility. She took 12 viles of blood and is running 17 tests to see if there is anything going on and although my gallbladder problem doesn't seem to be causing any of these blood results, the human body is a weird thing and nothing is 100% and you never know (this was the doctor's wise words) so taking that gallbladder out will only help us figure out my weird blood results.
So I have to wait 2 weeks to get my blood results and 3 weeks for the surgery.
I am not sure what the results will show, it may be nothing, it may be bad, but I have had somewhat of a revelation through all of this mayhem and madness and I think God will be glorified in me sharing....
I learned somethings the last few weeks. Good things. I feel closer to God and feel like this time I responded better than when we were dealing with Kaleb's diagnosis 9 years ago. When Kaleb was sick and being tested for things, I was so upset. I begged and pleaded and made so many deals with God. If only He would spare my son.... I turned to people and I panicked and I felt like my world was coming to an end. It was a hectic time. It was a painful time.
This time, although I have some things to work on (patience and trusting God's timing ;0 ) I really knew that no matter what happened I would be ok. I still don't know answers, I still know that my life could change and there could be sickness and I will be relieved to have answers and surgery soon, but this time it was different. Facing death and sickness, it can do weird things to you. It can pull you away from God or it can draw you into His presence and His arms. I feel His arms around me and I know that He is faithful, His timing is perfect and He is in control. I really feel peace. I was reminded of the great family and friends I have, the support I have and the love. I was reminded of what is important and what is not. It really hit home about the things I take for granted and how blessed I am. His provision for me in finances, family, support and love was shown to me in a way I can never express in words and it makes me want to serve Him more, be more available to be used by Him for others and it reminded me how faithful He is to me constantly.
It is easy for me to get caught up in daily routine, the busyness of life and unimportant things. It is easy for me to focus on the negative and the things I cannot control. But I have learned through all of this how much easier it is to rest in the Lord. To remember His promises and how faithful He is to complete the work He has started in me.
Songs and scriptures full of His words and promises have flooded in my mind and heart the last few weeks. They gave me peace and joy to know that all of His Word is true. I know people were and are praying for me and for my family. I know because of that prayer and because God will not leave me, I can say with great confidence that He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me to give me a future and a hope. I rest in that truth.

Answers anyone?

2009-10-26T11:34:00.000-07:00

Hannah had a fabulous birthday weekend. It makes me happy to see her happy.
Still waiting on test results. I hate waiting, but it is not like I want to know what is around the corner, but its harder to not know.
Pray for me and my family, we need it.

Let's get this party started....

2009-10-23T15:53:00.000-07:00

Her first gift from mommy, a doggy I made for her dressed like a cheerleader (she is cheering this year at school).
She picked El Tequila for her bday dinner with just the family, they surprised her and sang a song to her while she wore this hat and they even brought a dessert! She loved it!
This is while they are singing to her, it was awesome!
Celebrating at school in her class with a spongebob cupcake cake!
I surprised her with a special lunch today for her birthday, chicken nuggets (her fav!).

We started off Hannah's birthday weekend! Today celebrating at school and dinner, tomorrow with a friend from school and presents from the family and then sunday we are eating out for her with extended family to celebrate, hey, you only turn 7 once!

Some updates....

2009-10-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

My sister is having a girl in March! I am so excited, this will be my first niece! Hannah is pumped to no longer be the only girl!

On another note, I have my hida scan on Friday. They are going to hook me up to an IV and then put a radioactive isotop (ya, that is weird) into me, then run what is basically fat into my system to try to get my gall bladder to have an attack. The test is supposed to last 2-5 hours. Seriously. That is a long time to just lay there with radio active weirdness and fat that will cause me pain flowing through and into my system. I bought a light hearted book to bring with me and read so I won't go crazy.

I am also missing HS retreat at school because I couldn't schedule around it for this hida scan. I am sad because I go every year and it really is fun, but my health needs to come first, so off to the doc I go!

I am supposed to get test results early next week that will let me know if I have to have surgery to remove my gall bladder and I will also be sent to another specialist within the next week or so regarding my blood tests. Please pray for all of that and for whatever the results may be that the peace of God which transcends all understanding will flow through me and my family.

I covet your prayers....

Life moves on....

2009-10-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

Volleyball is over. We won our conference, took 3rd in state and tri state. great season. great teams. it was a good, good season.

So, I have been having some health issues. A bunch of tests (and money), doc visits, blood tests and referrals later, still no real answers. Really thinking it is gall bladder, so another test this week, hida scan (pretty sure that is what it is called) and then surgery and or on to more tests.

There are some other things my doc is concerned about, but we are going to take it one test at a time, rule one thing out, move on to the other. I really just need prayer, you know? Prayer for peace. For answers. I am not a good patient, better as a caretaker.

Conference Champions!

2009-09-29T20:15:00.001-07:00

The last two days we have played in our Conference tournament. We won all 5 matches and won the Championship title for the Green Country Christian Conference 2009! I am very proud of my Varsity girls! Good job girls!

What a pain....

2009-09-28T09:43:00.001-07:00

I have had painful ACL repair of my knee in college. I have given birth to two children, both of whom had gigantic heads and the epidurals did not work all the way. I have sprained my ankle many times, had my hand smashed in a car door. But I have never had a literal pain in my side. Well, since Thursday I have had a pain in my side. It hurts, a lot. Dave made me go to the doctor. They think it is my gallbaldder. So, bland foods. No pop or coffee. No spicy food or fatty food. Hooray for water and pretzels. Yuck.
I go back Wednesday for an ultrasound and if it is my gallbladder, out it comes. I don't have time for this. At least not until end of October when Volleyball is over. Ugh, what a pain.

I'm still here....

2009-09-23T19:38:00.001-07:00

Just so you know, I am still here. Just no time to write something. Too tired. Too busy. Too many papers to grade. Volleyball is at its madness point. I hope to return soon....

It is the small things that get me through....

2009-09-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

God is so good. He gives us provision just where we need it.
8 years ago when we walked into Dr. Carey's office the day after our lives changed with Kaleb's diagnosis, I never knew the impact this doctor would have on our lives. He has blessed my family and my son in more ways than medical.
Kaleb has been struggling with the whole CF thing. He does that on and off, as we all do. We saw Dr. Carey for Kaleb's normal monthly appointment and Kaleb loves him so much he feels comfortable that he can tell Dr. Carey anything.
Kaleb and Dr. Carey spoke for 30 minutes or so just about how to deal with how he is feeling and answered all of Kaleb's questions even though it was past 8 pm and he had another patient. We never feel rushed with him.
The best part of the whole situation was how he encouraged my son. With scripture. He gave Kaleb several verses to look up and spoke with him about Phil 4 which opened up some great conversations for Kaleb and I on the way home. He prays with us and encourages us and points us towards our Creator...what a special gift.

2nd place baby!!

2009-09-12T17:56:00.000-07:00

We had our annual 8th grade tournament today! My "8th grade" team this year is actually made up of four 8th graders, three 7th graders and two 6th graders!! All the girls play and they are all AWESOME! Four of my non 8th graders all start and they all play important roles on my team! We played all day today and got 1st in pool play going undefeated, then beat one of our rivals Summit in the semi finals then played AWESOME but lost in the finals to community (a team in OK city). All of these teams are in our state so we are looking good !! Very proud of my girls! Two of my girls also got 2 of the 8 all tournament spots ( a 6th grader and 7th grader!). The future is bright for WCA volleyball!!

In the stillness you are there....

2009-09-09T16:58:00.001-07:00

This week in our bible class we are reading about and discussing solitude and silence and the discipline of stillness.
If you know me well, you know I am not good at stillness. I am not one to take large amounts of time to sit quiet and be still. It makes me feel useless and like I am not getting anything done. My parents can attest, I never have been a person of great stillness.
I am a firm believer that God puts things on our hearts that we need to work on, that He brought this to me to teach because I needed it (more so than my students even :) )so when God brought me the idea of studying spiritual disciplines, I was ready to learn.

We made lists of our schedules to see how much we sit still, if we take time with God etc. Then we decided we were going to take time to be still with God this week.

Of course, this week has been hectic, I mean of course it is....Satan, at work.

One really important aspect of this discipline we found was that Stillness is not just taking time with God, but dropping all we have on our plate, all of our schedules, burdens, issues, daily life and LAYING it down and letting it go before we go to meet with God. If we drag all of that into our time with Him our time will be distracted and not undivided.

It makes perfect sense, how distracted we get, even in our time with people, thinking about this and that, list here, activity there, lesson plans, children etc. How hard it is to lay it all down and give Him my undivided attention.

One of our students had a horrible family tragedy this week. He found his father, unconscious, in a coma, at home after a medication interaction and allergic reaction. They told him that his father would not live. One of my volleyball players is dating this young man and has had to deal with losing her own father a few years ago under tragic circumstances. So much emotion. So much confusion. Not understanding. Why? Anger. Fear. Unknown.

It was the perfect opportunity for me to practice stillness before God. I was so thankful that this was something that was on the forefront of my mind and a way for me to meet Him and just be still.

If I am not careful I will lose those moments of stillness with Him. If I am too busy I will not get the opportunity to meet with my Savior in the moments of silence, solitude and stillness where I can hear the small quiet whisper of my God reminding me that although there will be times of chaos and not understanding what this fallen world brings, in the stillness He is there....

I'm gunna stay in my PJ's all day tomorrow....

2009-09-06T13:00:00.000-07:00

This long weekend came at the perfect time. Lots of rest, date with my man, got to watch some college volleyball, hang with my volleyball girls, play with the kiddos, rest and have a nice lunch with Dave's family. Labor Day, naw....REST day.

I heart my JV Volleyball girls!

2009-09-03T19:19:00.000-07:00

My JV girls like to goof around....we had a fun day today at a big JV tournament. Lots of big public schools several times our size. We won Silver Championship after 11 hours of play. It was a great experience for them and they got better as the day went on! We beat Booker T Washington, Claremore and Glenpool all 4A and 5A schools! We lost to Glenpool early in the day and then came back and beat them in 2 the last game for the championship! It was a good day!

Joy in the heartache, comfort in pain....

2009-09-02T17:14:00.000-07:00

In life you go through stuff. At the time, in the midst of that trial, all you can see is the pain and the heartache. But God teaches you things, and then He brings you someone who is going through something similar or dealing with what you have. Does it make my trial any easier? No. Does it make theirs any less painful? No. But there is something to be said about coming together and sharing experience and pointing each other to God that makes it all seem bearable. Like it has a purpose.
One of my girls in bible class (12th grade) asked me the other day why God allows people to go through stuff. Why He lets bad things happen. My heart broke. She was struggling with the same question I have battled for years.
I had an answer. But it took me so long to even begin to start to understand. So much to say.... I am 31 and it has taken me years to work through my son having a genetic disease that has no cure. She is 17. Her brother has a degenerative form of MD and she is watching him get worse, day by day. What do you say to someone? How do you comfort? You can't. I can tell her that she and her family didn't DO anything. It is not a punishment. It is not something God DID to teach them a lesson. It is not something that they deserve.
You can disagree with me. Some do. But I strongly believe that my God does not cause these things to happen. He allows them, because we have free will and we have choice and in that and in this not so perfect world, there is imperfection. There is genetic disease, cancer, birth defects, sickness, mental illness and pain. I know He COULD fix it, if it is His plan, I KNOW He is capable.
But the hard concept to deal with is when it isn't in His plan. We always want to know why and see the outcome, but I have come to realize and come to have peace that I may never know. I may never understand. And although that is hard, that is ok.
So what do you tell a 17 year old grappling with death. What do you tell someone so young, that has to deal with things far above her age? How do you comfort?
Well I can't comfort, but God can. Through me, He can. He uses things that happen in our lives to help others and that makes it all seem worth it.

Volleyball

2009-08-29T15:10:00.000-07:00

We had a tournament this weekend. It was fun. We raised money for our program so I can get my second new net system and pay for senior night etc. Last weekend we won our tournament and this weekend it was much harder. We play state and tri state teams and did really well. We ended up having to play a championship level game in the semi's. We played one of our rivals Community and BARELY lost. I mean 25-23, 25-20 barely. We haven't played this well against this team in YEARS! I was so proud of my girls, they improved so much this weekend and gave me 100% for that game! Although we didn't win, as a coach I was very happy seeing improvement and knowing the next time we play them at state, we are going to WIN!! Our soccer boys won the soccer part and we got 3rd, and two of my girls made all tournament! Looking forward to a great rest of the season!

Pinch me...

2009-08-26T17:22:00.000-07:00

i really love my job. sometimes I have to pinch myself to remind myself it's real and a job! I feel so blessed to work at such a Christ filled school and see my kids, my hubby and my nephew everyday!
It is hard to explain how awesome my job is, so just take my word for it, it rocks. English 9, English 10, Girls bible 12, yearbook, volleyball, prom and homecoming....sounds pretty busy, but it is totally worth it!

1st place!!

2009-08-22T18:00:00.001-07:00

One of our seniors Kevyn getting a kill!
Goofing around in between games...those are the tie dye shirts we made as a team!
warming up before a match!
First place! Claiming our trophy!

Getting ready to block the team we were playing!
My Varsity squad for 2009! Way to start the season! We are 8-0 with 6 of those from this tournament the last two days! We went undefeated and got 1st place!

I heart my volleyball team....

2009-08-16T15:06:00.001-07:00

The team on the log that was the site of one of our activities....
one of the trust exercises....
An activity we had to do together....
one of our teams strengths....
Praying together...one of the reasons I LOVE working at WCA !!!!
Our JV and Varsity Teams!!!
Goofing around, what we do best!
At the end of the day we had some reflection and a really cool exercise where we shared what we learned and encouragement and we all gave rocks to each other....great way to end our day at Camp Louhridge!
After we got back to school we made our own Tie-Dye shirts!!

Saturday was a team building day and it was really fun. All my High School volleyball girls (JV and Varsity) got on a bus and we went to a local camp for team building activities. After a great day, we went back to school and made our own Tie Dye shirts! It was a great way to start our season! Our first game in on Tuesday!! Very much looking forward to this season!

First Day of School = Awesome.

2009-08-13T17:13:00.000-07:00

Hannah at her 1st grade desk

Kids with their backpacks ready on the first day of school. These are their "stop taking pictures of us mom smiles".
Kaleb is in there in the gray shirt. That is his teacher giving them instructions on how to line up. That is the only picture of him I got at school because he is in 3rd grade and as soon as he got out of the car and saw his friends he fled from me and never looked back. It wasn't "cool" for me to go into his class and take a picture so this is all I got.

Summer is over

2009-08-12T17:41:00.001-07:00

School starts tomorrow.....

I have a feeling I am not the only person who needs to hear this song....

2009-08-10T15:43:00.000-07:00

"Perfect People"
by: Natalie Grant

Never let 'em see you when you're breaking
Never let 'em see you when you fall
That's how we live and that's how we try
Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

[CHORUS:]
There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scared
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you've been
And you never have to go there again

[CHORUS]

Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see out let grace be enough

[CHORUS]

By a perfect God [5x]

Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed