Mind over Batter

Focus

2009-05-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

I have been twittering on about my new mindset. The old one was not working because my thinking is still screwed up around my weight........ I know, I know, I have been talking about it long enough. But there is nothing wrong with using a different focus. I found this story and love it

An old Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A battle is raging inside me ... it is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The old man fixed the children with a firm stare. "This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee replied: "The one you feed." ~

Loss

2009-05-20T02:55:00.000-07:00

Today is the first time my weight has moved downwards in ages. Doctor just confirmed that my thyroid has slipped into under active but I will have to wait for medication until I see the specialist. She was also concerned about my Cortisol levels which were elevated. She called it the fat hormone which holds on to fat.

Considering that I put on weight on our 500 mile walk when I slipped into under active thyroid function, it is no surprise that I have not lost and quite an achievement that I did not put much on.

So I am just going to carry on doing what I am doing and be proud of my achievement without making the outcome (read weight loss) a condition to carry on or evidence of success.

The first 100 of my 1001 actions

2009-04-30T08:18:00.001-07:00

It took me a little longer than I thought and it stopped me from blogging but if I will carry on feeling like I have been feeling, this is so worth doing and I will do it in other parts of my life.

Keeping track of my actions towards my goal works much better for me than affirmations (actions speak louder than words??). I am scanning my day for positive things I have done so I can record them and I will actually think about my next actions because I like seeing the numbers go up. Twittering works great for the recording part and I can see them under search.twitter.com #1001actions

The result of the first month is simply stunning. I feel AMAZING – not all the time but right now and that is good enough. Not everything has gone to plan and there is room for improvement but as I am only 10% into it, there is much space & time to get better. If it gets any better I am going to burst and that won't be pretty J Just kidding of course. On on into May

Gotta be happy without it first

2009-04-07T14:25:00.001-07:00

I maintained that about having that special person in your life. First you need to be happy and comfortable living with yourself, by yourself. And THEN you go out and find that dream boy or girl. Their job is not to complete you and fulfil your needs, their role is to complement and enhance what you have already got. So many people do it the other way round and if the person does not perfectly fit, they set about trying to change them. That never works out very well! So I am good at that significant other thing, always had one when I wanted one and was content on my own too. Eventually I bagged myself a really special one for keeps. Lucky me.

Figures that I would use the same tried, tested and proven successful methodology for that very special relationship with myself.............. *silence*............................................. *embarrassed shifting from foot to foot*.................................................................

Obviously I can not live without myself; that would be just plain stupid. But this 'trying to change myself' thing has probably always been a bit out of hand. Nothing wrong with self improvement, in fact I would not want to live without seeking knowledge, insights and new perspectives. But I have never been good at being happy with myself as is. I have always thought I should do better and never lived up to my own exceedingly high expectations. Nothing wrong with trying to achieve high targets or mastering difficult subjects either. Beating me up over the invariably existing gap is silly though. In fact, I know that I am somebody who thrives on praise and encouragement. I have a lot of natural drive and am definitely a carrot girl. If somebody uses the stick method on me, they simply will not get my best. In response, I just make myself smaller and smaller and that destroys my spirit and sucks the enthusiasm out of me. So why do I like most people think that I have to be hard on myself to get better?

I have improved a lot and have sort of come to terms with the fact that I will never be perfect. These things all help me to raise my awareness:

Being grateful for everything in my life
Simply deciding to be happy
Forgiving
EFT
Exercise
'No complaining' project

1001 Actions

74. Tapping every day – and need to get back to the eye improvement project too

75. Juiced on Sunday

76. Made crackers from the juice pulp (delicious!!)

77. A gentle work out with my trainer

78. Giggled with my friends

79. Hurrah – I think I have finally got an exfoliating routine going

80. 3 km treadmill hilly walk

1001 actions

2009-04-06T02:43:00.001-07:00

We walked 500 miles from Bavaria to London – our two year anniversary of the start of this journey is coming up at the end of this month. We did not walk 500 miles, actually we walked one mile 500 times. I power phrased this from something I read by Stu Mittleman who set a world record for the 1,000-mile endurance run. He said:

"I never ran 1,000 miles! I can't even conceive of running 1,000 miles. All I did was run one mile a thousand times.

He also said:

"If you just keep moving, sooner or later the finish line will show up."
STU MITTLEMAN

After our epic walk (well it was epic to us – I am not comparing us to anybody else, which is another good lesson!) I wrote:

But back to the question of what will I do with this experience; when I was younger I never let myself be stopped by any kind of barrier or hurdle. I was so good at the 'head down and go through anything' thing. The walk showed me that I have not lost it and on top of that I have got fantastic support in G to do ANYTHING (he is very indulgent!)

I do not think I have cashed in on that potential yet. Now that my health and hormones (if you are out there, I deserve a permanent break on the latter) are back to good levels I feel like going for it again in a more orderly fashion. Really am enjoying the recording of my actions towards my health goal (which I am very close to be able to verbalise) and will use this in other parts of my life too.
It is so easy to forget the ups and downs of any journey. But this record will always remind me and I can recommend the practise highly!

Being really really good at something needs practise and time. This is true for most people on most subjects – if you are lucky and are a genius in one area of your life, good for you! But you still got to work on the rest like everybody else. And yes, sometimes there are quick fixes but most of the time there aren't any. Sorry if I am destroying a whole industry of 'in three minutes..... in a week' success books, videos, got the T-shirt.

I am just asking myself the question, how many hours do I need to invest to be fit, flexible and healthy on my 50^th birthday? How many to be the same on my 70^th birthday? This is where my health goal seems to be gravitating to. I want to be a fit bendy chick growing old with fun and grace – wow; this is really resonating with me so much more than losing 40 pounds, going all tingly over it actually. Sometimes it is good to write out loud!

1001 actions

64. First real organic salad dinner of the year accompanied by my hand made bread. Yummy!

65. Talking about bread, I worked out how to have it in the house and live with it like a normal person who does not have a fresh bread fetish. I make the dough, divide it into rolls and freeze them. When I want one I need to bake it. I really need to want one to do throw the oven on.

66. Thanks G ;) it is like falling of a horse, one has got to get back into the saddle. What took me so long????

67. Put some seeds into trays. I adore growing plants – there is something very Zen about looking after growing plants.

68. Did a lot of EFT tapping around my questionable body image

69. Slept through twice in a row – no pain when I am horizontal. Hurrah!!

70. Got my health goal / vision in my head and heart

71. First work out on my own – LOVED it. Another back in the saddle and I was kind to myself and took it easy

72. Acupuncture session

73. I have got that loooooving feeling – delicious!

Crutches

2009-04-03T13:59:00.001-07:00

Standing up in life and being counted without crutches – is it possible? I gave up my career crutch over 12 years ago and whilst I am still limping slightly I have discovered the most wonderful rich personal life. I visualised it about 14 years ago and it came true nearly exactly the way I had visualised it. What I refer to as my limp is my still not particularly successful role as an entrepreneur and money earner – but I rather have a wonderful personal life than a glittering career rise as an entrepreneur. Perhaps one day I find a way of having both without the pitfalls I had experienced before I handed in my notice.

I gave up my smoking crutch about 8 years ago. Smoking fulfilled all sorts of imaginary needs which then where feeling very real to me but today I no longer can relate to. Nearly four months ago I gave up my drinking crutch. As it is not so long ago, I can remember that I had a need for a glass or five to help me relax better in the evening and I have also always connected having a drink with having a good time. Where I stand now, I find it quite easy to relax in the evening without alcohol. I am not very keen anymore on alcohol fogging my brain and clouding my thought processes. What I am still missing though is the way alcohol made me feel less inhibited – I really want to work on that. As you might imagine, there are some pretty strong beliefs connected to that subject. Acting uninhibited sober – involuntary shudders are running down my spine just thinking it!!!

And there are a couple of other crutches I have my eye on – watching television and the amount of time I spend on my computer for example. Food is also still on the agenda, whilst I have done a lot of work in that area, I discovered another couple of 'issues' concerning the connection of my emotions with certain types of foods. But one day at a time, I have not been doing badly!

What are your crutches?

1001 actions (I know, just could not resist! I love the story of 1001 nights)

I tried to twitter my actions but that threw me out of the rhythm of writing them down – perhaps I got all shy about it. Have to catch up; there are lots I will have missed. So in no particular order:

56. Went for the first in a series of acupuncture treatments (based on Chinese five elements) and I made it through the session. Let's just say that there were two needles which had to be placed in very, very sensitive spots..................

57. Went for a great mixed media art weekend and had fun

58. Re-defined my creative mojo after watching this TED video – I have no problem with the idea of creative fairies in my life

59. Did a very careful workout with my trainer

60. Sat in the garden and sunned myself today. Not a child, lawn mower or the neighbours yapping dogs disturbed the sound of birds and spring

61. Created a new body image affirmation and working myself through they 'Yeah – buts' with EFT

62. G and I did my favourite forest walk on Wednesday

63. Been keeping up with my daily dose of herbs

I am back

2009-03-23T02:24:00.001-07:00

But slightly moderated following the events from last week! I can not push it this week, gotta have fun and take it easy. My body gave me a big wake up call about pushing and forcing myself – she does not like it. Stuborn as a mule!

So I have my fun for today sorted and am working on tomorrows. It is amazing what comes when I am forced to let go. The question of the day is: Would you still be enthuiastic and passionate about your project if you knew you would not achieve your goal. In other words, how important would just being on the journey be to you? Obviously some would say that you would be a fool doing something which you know would not get you to your goal. Achieving goals, hitting the mark, getting good grades is highliy priced in our society and nothing else is really rewarded. But what if you started your project anyway and touched people on the way, improved lives or just had fun, enjoyed the moment rather than anticipating the sweet gifts success could bring you one day, did the right thing even though it will not get you closer to your goal.............

I like this shift in perspective!

1000 Actions

44. For the first time this year we had breakfast in our sunny garden. Gorgeous!

45. I am being so grateful that I can move again without pain

46. Started a course of herbs to help my hormonal and adrenal inbalances

47. Booked a session with a new local accupuncturist who uses a very intruiging method

48. I let go of everything for a week

49. Know now what I want to do for volunteering

50. Had Domino's Pizza *yummmmmmm*

51. Biathlon season is nearly over – loved watching it all winter. Brilliant sport!

52. Marking three months without alcohol and am still not missing it. What have I done?????? Really am enjoying it though.

53. Learned to sleep flat on my back which is supposed to be the best position for a good nights rest.

54. Started to twitter

Doing nothing

2009-03-19T03:44:00.001-07:00

All or nothing girl was forced to do nothing by a muscle she tore on her lower rib cage. It started out not so bad, perhaps a bit of overuse by all the weight exercises but then a side plank gave it the rest and the muscle decided it had had it. It got progressively worse to the point when only laying flat in bed was without pain. Even the strongest pain killers would not touch the spasms in my muscle and getting up was for a day or so simply not a pleasant option.

As I am writing this, I am of course much better again thanks to some anti-inflammatory drugs, *yikes* Tarmazipan (also known as Valium!!) which is used as a muscle relaxant in severe cases and my wonderful nurse G who had looked forward to a nice week off work but was instead having to watch me struggle to do the simplest movements, feed me, be my drug dealer and was just lovely and caring. I will have to take it much easier for a while with my training. This is kind of apt as I am wrestling with what moderation means to me. I am going to find out as doing nothing is not an option when I get a bit better

This whole episode seems symptomatic of how coiled up and rigid (I did not want to say uptight) I am. The physiotherapist I saw nearly fell over laughing when she checked out my posture in profile. My shoulders up to my ears, one higher than the other, they are pushed forward, my weak stomach muscles accentuate the whole thing because my bum is sticking out too much and I hollow my spine...... you get the picture. Whilst I was lying here unable to move much I was contemplating what it would be like if I would take life much easier and lighter without trying and pushing too hard, just having fun. Aided by valium that did not seem such a difficult thing to do – I am about to get my morning medication and will continue that train of thought.........

Mostly I am grateful for what has happened. It is the eye opener I perhaps needed and I kept reminding myself how many people can not get out of bed unaided. Not just for one day but for the rest of their lives. All I needed was a couple of tablets and a bit of time and I will be back to my old self. How lucky am I!

I did some actions for my 1000 action list, which I really enjoy recording and the goal has become a little clearer this week. When I can remember the actions I will record them

No complaining

2009-03-13T06:18:00.001-07:00

I made it for one day without complaining – mainly because I did not talk to many people and did not leave the house. I am telling you that this is pretty hard! G and I are constantly questioning each other about what we say – is it a statement to say the weather is crap or is it a complaint? I think the idea is not to concentrate on /talk about the things which we have no power to change. So whilst stating that the weather is crap is factual it also is not very helpful as a stand alone statement. So what? ....... All it is going to lead to is a whinge about the weather.

G has got not much to do at work at the moment – he is between projects. Given that he gets paid pretty well for doing nothing there should not be anything to complaint but it is, but there is. Just earning money is not enough when you go up Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Or look at me, I am in a very very very lucky position where I do not HAVE to earn any money and can stay at home. I feel very privileged but certainly do not act like it in my head and enjoy it for what it is.

There are so many people in this world that do not have their basic physiological and safety needs met – THAT is a reason to complaint but I suspect most of them do not.

Feeling very sorry for myself because I have pulled a muscle in my back in Tuesday's training session and aggravated it in yesterday's session, today I find it hard to move so I ate the rest of the cookies whilst feeling sorry for myself. There, I said it! I am resetting my no complaining week starting from tomorrow morning because I suspect I will still feel all whiny tonight

I suspect it will take me some time to complete that week of no complaining. The trick to succeed is very likely to be a change of perspective.

1000 Actions

12.03

38. EFT improving eye-sight experiment wk 3 day 1 (week two exercises did not speak to me)

39. Work out hard with my trainer

40. I left physiotherapist with both shoulders strapped in tape to show me what 'the right posture' feels like

41. Had a giggle with one of my sisters. They are both amazing and I am grateful for being close to them

13.03

42. I always mix any juice with water at a ratio of 1 part juice, 2 parts water

43. I wrote my first review on Amazon and I just saw that it got published

In moderation

2009-03-12T02:16:00.001-07:00

I have proven over and over in my life that I can start doing things and stop doing things but moderation? Nope, moderation eludes me. You can...... but only sometimes. I do not think humans are build for moderation. Human survival is not build on moderation nor is our history.

This is the conscious / unconscious thing again. You decide to start doing something and have to remind yourself consciously that you need to do it and then eventually it becomes unconscious. Trigger – action. Or you stop doing something. Again at the beginning you consciously have to stop yourself from acting on your trigger and eventually the trigger no longer leads to the action. Both are relatively easy after a bit of struggle and as far as I am concerned the only way to go with addictive substance – you do them or you do not, for 99% of people there is no alternative.

But doing something sometimes? What am I asking of myself here? Let's say our 'thing' is chocolate cake. Think of, smell, or see chocolate cake and either move hell and earth to get to it or ignore it. That is why gaining and losing weight is relatively easy too; most people have managed it at least once or twice in their lives. What do I do with moderation? Sometimes I have it and sometimes I do not? Trigger comes and I can not use standard reaction of either do or do not. I have to make a decision every time which means I have to be present and aware of my options and emotions at that very moment. Sounds like hard work to me! And that is why I and million of others never manage to keep hold of our weight loss.

I have bought this box of cookies yesterday with this in mind. I do not often buy cookies and chocolates - if they are not in the house I do not need or crave them. That is my standard 'NOT doing it' and pretty easy. However, the box of cookies is now in the house and my thoughts go to it often. My problem is that I am the ultimate 'All or Nothing girl'. If I start eating it, I will finish eating it in one go. Yesterday I did not open the box – a little harder than not having it in the house but again a NOT doing it.

The experiment will be to open the box and have up to and no more than one (1!) cookie a day and enjoy it. The box should last about 9 days. Really the experiment should not be restrained by one (1!) cookie a day. It should be: open box, eat whenever you feel like it. But I am giving myself a break here and am setting up a little scaffolding to hold on to. The important thing is being present and honest each day I make the cookie decision.

1000 Actions

10.03

33. Work out with trainer and did some good running I was well pleased with

34. Book physiotherapy session for my painful shoulder

35. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk 2 day 2 & eye exercises

(Had to start over with 'no complaining' experiment – did not even make it half a day)

11.03.

36. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk 2 day 3 & eye exercises

37. Finished SuperCoach by my favourite coach Michael Neill and can highly recommend it

Surprises

2009-03-10T00:49:00.001-07:00

We are back from G's birthday weekend surprise which I had so so much fun organising. Had him fooled all the way with plenty of red herrings (making up stories and sticking with them seems to come frighteningly easy to me J ) He had such a good time seeing one of the favourite people in his world and Phil was a star looking after us. If I get a picture of the sign Phil had made for our imaginary 'Tuff Guise' Highland Adventure Company I will post it here. It was our last red herring at Aberdeen airport and did its job brilliantly.

1000 Actions

05.03

18. Finally going on surprise trip, keeping G fooled for most of the day, having so much fun with it myself and seeing his joy. Presents do not have to be expensive, it is the thought that is put in that counts and creates memories which last (alright, I bought him a snazzy small video camera too)

19. Training with my trainer (she is trying to make my legs ache, other trainers have tried and failed where only the first weeks of our 500 miles have made any impression) and she bought into the burst training thing and is going to support me

20. Gotta put this down as an action because it makes such a difference to the flight – watched like a hawk the time for the online check- in to start and bagged us best seats in the house (well plane) TWICE

21. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk1 day 6 & eye exercises – I can feel some improvements sometimes

06.03

22. Walked on the beach in brilliant sunshine. The light in Scotland IS amazing and I would love to live close enough to a beach to do this often

23. Enjoyed the birthday dinner in a good restaurant, the high light was red cabbage finished with chocolate. Must try that myself - divine

24. Listen to G's & P's renditions of bad songs of the 70's and 80's all the way home from the restaurant and had a warm fuzzy glow

07.03

25. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk 2 day 1 & eye exercises

26. Phil gave me a copy of a most wonderful poem that spoke to me strongly

27. Am rather pleased with myself that drinking alcohol was not an option I was interested in all weekend

08.03

28. Loved coming back home and am so so grateful for our house. It is so quiet and light and works well for the two of us

09.03 Week 2

29. Went to doctor to find a way of removing whatever is blocking my weight loss, left with a prescription for a hormone and thyroid blood test and a pad on the back for what I have been doing

30. Went for my very first professional fitting for running shoes

31. Had blood test done

32. Started a little competition with G that we can not complain/whine/be ungenerous out loud for one week. If we are we have to start the week over. We started yesterday afternoon but had to restart several times already

Acknowledgement

2009-03-04T04:28:00.001-08:00

That is something I fail to give myself on a regular basis. I know I started my 1000 actions project on 01.03 but I have been taking focused and persistent (which can be something I give up on easily) action since beginning of January. It was not a New Years resolution but 6 months had past from my operation and I felt strong and mended enough to get rid of that weird animal that is sitting on my stomach and I have no control over (the operation left me with very unresponsive stomach muscles and no feeling in the middle of my stomach).

Got myself a trainer and have worked out with her twice a week since then. I also do another two workouts a week by myself. I have recorded my food intake and been very very honest. And I have tried not to go on a diet as such but change what I eat and see what impact it has. I have been through a macrobiotic phase and mainly protein phase. None of it really suits me and I just do not want to be on a diet. I want to be free, take it or leave it and not worry that I will put on weight as soon as I put food in my mouth. So I guess I have been eating quite intuitively but looking at the results concerning carb, fat and protein percentages and also vitamins and mineral. I am also still not drinking any alcohol, my little 'aversion exercise' worked amazingly well and I have had zero desire for any kind of alcohol, even if it sits right in front of me. My recorded average calorie intake is 1350 per day since beginning of January, so put on another 150 calories for all the things I have not gotten completely right when writing them down and I am at 1500 calories a day. I am really proud of these things and give myself an official pad on the back.

The only fly in the ointment is that I have not been rewarded with weight loss. Yes the scales moved a smidgen this week and I was ecstatic. But that was the first movement in a month and about 1 lb. I have lost some centimetres from around my waist but that is just about it. My sister said I have a body build for famine and she is probably right. I am brilliant at holding on! Is it mental? Is it physical? I have no idea but I am not giving up doing what I am doing.

14. Burst training

15. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk1 day 5 & eye exercises

16. Indulged my shower & bath gel fetish and tried my new Mimosa from Philosophy (very subtle can hardly detect the smell, but it is a brilliant body wash and shampoo)

17. Acknowledged what I have achieved in the last two months (feels pretty good and it confirms that I should not measure my success by what the scales say)

Improving my eye sight

2009-03-03T05:51:00.001-08:00

It is quite frightening how steadily my eye sight has been getting worse. Hate it! But I also thought I could not do anything about reducing the decline, stopping it or *gasp* improving it. I have decided on a little experiment of EFT tapping - I am working through a 6 week programme 'Improve your eye sight with EFT' by Dr. Carol Look.

And I am also doing some eye exercises every day which turn out to be great fun. I was able to find lots of examples on YouTube.

I have felt a definite decline in my eye sight in the last 3 months again and my aim is to not having to get a stronger prescription on my next eye check up end of April. The *WOW* would of course be to reduce my prescription. There are lots of 'buts' and 'impossibles' coming up for me as soon as I think about an improvement so I will not dwell on that. The thing about EFT is that one does not have to believe in it for it to work so I am rolling with 'What is the worst that could happen?' The answer is 'It didn't work and I have to increase my prescription anyway'

1000 Actions

02.03

6. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk1 day 4 & eye exercises

7. Had a massage

8. Completed my Fit Day records

9. 10 minutes trampoline

03.03.

10. 90 minutes work out with trainer

11. Decided to stop bitching about my new haircut and embrace it. It is so much easier to deal with when doing a lot of sweaty work outs

12. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk1 day 5 & eye exercises

13. Did an emberassing happy dance after the scales FINALLY moved in the right direction (been working on this event for a month)

1000 day plan and 1000 actions - I am going to be 50 (hopefully)

2009-03-01T05:41:00.000-08:00

G and I were talking this morning about age. I am priding myself on not looking 46. Had my hair chopped off this week (big step as I used my long hair to hide behind) and whilst I am not completely thrilled with it (nowhere to hide anymore!!) I also think it makes me look EVEN younger. But I realised that I am going to be 50 and about 1250 days *YOWSER*

What better time to start my 1000 day plan and kick it off with 1000 actions towards health, strength and feeling vibrant in my 50's. We did a 500 mile walk for G's 50th birthday, God knows what I am going to dream up for my 50th birthday celebrations. Actually I already know one thing I would like to do. I want to organise a very special cruise for and with the many wonderful women I know who will also be turning 50 in 2012.

I do not have a plan with specific goals at the moment other than the words/feeling of health, strength and vibrancy. I am more and more of the opinion that in particular life goals benefit from being kept 'loose' as the emphasis should be more on what I am actually doing today and enjoying it than what I will have/be at the end of it. Life is unpredictable and it gets very frustrating when it decides to get in the way of my carefully laid out plans. I have done enough 'beating myself up' to last several life times and want to reduce that rather than add more pressure on myself. The goal will reveal itself in due time if there is something specific to be achieved. My 1000 days plan is about living today and taking action for my benefit.

I do not have an exact plan for my 1000 actions either. One action could take hours, another seconds. They are all initiated by something I actually have done on that day. Giving somebody a spontaneous hug could be an action. Doing a 10km long walk could be another. Just taking time to be grateful for something is also highly acceptable :)

To count on the 'Mind over Batter' list they just need to contribute to my health, strength and vibrancy. I am sure that the emphasis will change over time, at the moment my mind is set on working out, improving my eye sight and finding a balanced diet that is making me feel good. 20 actions a week would be good but hey, who is counting?

1. Did 15 mins burst training (a new discovery and I am LOVING it)
2. Loved eating a brown bread roll (baked by yours truly with organic ingredients) for breakfast
3. Pushed 25 kg weights x 12 (personal record)
4. Found a fantastic site with reasonably price natural skin care
5. EFT Improving eye-sight experiment wk1 day 3

Another New Year

2009-01-19T02:51:00.000-08:00

Kind of an anniversary here. I have been struggling with my weight for another year, recorded some of it publicly and ended weighing a little more than I started when I began this blog. It is a result - just not the one I wanted. I am amazingly chilled about it though which might have to do with the EFT tapping I have been doing. I will do even more as somebody has offered me some coaching just at the right time for me. I was thinking that I might be more effective working one to one with somebody.

I have also engaged a personal trainer who is going to kick my backside twice a week until March. It is the year of getting others to help me. I am a great one for wanting to do everything myself, be it here or in my business. Not this year - this year I am going to farm out a lot of the things I am rubbish at (the list is long!) and concentrate on what I am good at (luckily that list is not too short either).

My commitment is to get G into gainful employment working from home. Part of our contract negotiations is that I promise not to pester him before 12 noon as we have such different rhythms. I am up to 100 miles an hour within minutes of getting up - he needs an hour or two to get going.

The other news is that I have not touched a drop of alcohol since that fateful day in December when I did the aversion technique on myself whilst driving somewhere in the car. I describe it here The 'food' I chose to work with happened to be wine because I had decided I wanted to drink less regularly. So off I went in my mind to fill that spittoon outside this very busy Wild West saloon. And fill it they did! I imagined all those big yellow and green blobs swimming around ............................

Then I mentally washed the wine bottles in the spittoon. I have done this before and whilst gruesome, the picture fated very quickly and did not stick. But this time I suddenly felt myself shudder and I had to stop my mental movie, concentrating on driving again.

I had put a bottle of champagne in the fridge the next day to celebrate the start of G's Christmas break and our very own office party. I even put the bottle on the table in a wine cooler without a thought. But when it came to opening the bottle, I really did not want it and we put back into the fridge. Following that experience, I did not drink all the way through Christmas and New Years Eve parties.

When I used to think of wine, all sorts of pleasant associations used to come up like relaxation, nice taste, fun, laughter........ Now when I think of wine, there is nothing, nada, zero. My mind is just blank and there is no emotional reaction. Of course I had to test it and got G to open a bottle of wine for me over Christmas. That is when I got a negative emotion pulling me away and I never touched the full glass in front of me. During our New Years break with friends I had a glass of gin & tonic in front of me and sipped from it a couple of times. It tasted nice enough but I just did not want it and poured most of it down the sink.

It is very similar to giving up smoking actually, only that I had physical withdrawal symptoms to deal with when I stopped smoking. I am not sure how long I want it to last - at the moment it is just perfect the way it is and I am not feeling deprived or like I am missing something. I am just in awe how powerful my mind can control this. Makes me think what other things I unconsciously have learned to have an aversion to and my mind keeps me away from .........

Day eleven

2008-11-07T01:57:00.001-08:00

This will be the last of the day to day reports for now. I am always swinging between thinking too much about my food choices or too little. What I am going to continue with is juicing vegetables. I am also much more conscious about eating meat. I did try some chicken yesterday and I could have easily lived without. More soon!!!!

Day nine and ten

2008-11-06T00:56:00.001-08:00

The last two days can only be described with one word: HUNGRY

Very unusual for me I was even hungry when I woke up and the only thing that will do in that state is CARBS. Here is the list of foods consumed over the last two days:

Day 9

1 juice made the day before

Sauerkraut and Mehlkloss (its a kind of dumpling I made myself)

Pea and Potato soup

Packet of Rye Bread (there must be 6 slices in that packet)

Day 10
1 juice from the same batch (leaving them one day is pushing it, on the second day I do not get that 'I had a drink of goodness feeling' anymore

stir fried noodles and veg

2 pieces of apple cake

tin of chick peas as a snack

Wine

Phew....................... this morning I woke up and at least was not hungry anymore. It may have been related to hormones, I used to get terrible cravings. Back to juice and soup for the next two days, which really is a pleasure as long as I do not feel hungry.

Week two of the juice fest

2008-11-04T00:50:00.000-08:00

I decided to up the ante and add some exercise. I had bought a Tae Boe DVD and tried it out yesterday - it is brilliant fun. Lots of shadow boxing and kicking with great instructions and high energy. This is my first real exercise other than walking since the operation and I did not quite make it without a break through the first video but that is OK. Actually I tried some weight lifting a month ago, but it was too early for my poor stomach muscles. I can not wait until I am strong enough again to get back to my weights.

Today I had:

Oven chips low fat with a guacamole (YUMMY!!)

Juice of cucumber, beetroot, watercress (give the juice some spicy oomph), carrots, celery and apples.

Still doing a lot of mind work and will write more about that soon. I am feeling very balanced and ready to do anything, most importantly I have found the believe again that I CAN do it.

Day seven

2008-11-03T03:58:00.000-08:00

So I have done my week and give myself a 92% success rate.

I did not feel deprived, hungry or had any mad cravings.
I did not feel the need to cheat when sober which I luckily was the majority of time
I drank more vegetable juice than I thought I would be able to.
I thought I could try this for another week.

Today I had:

3x Juice of cabbage (could not taste it but made me feel terribly virtuous), cucumber, parsley, beetroots, carrots, pears and a couple of apples - very good and the crisps from the pulp are very good too

Soup of peas, potatoes, broccoli and mint
piece of soda bread

The only supplements I am taking are one fish oil and a couple of Chlorella tablets.

Day six

2008-11-02T04:39:00.000-08:00

So I woke up with a shocking hang-over no surprises there then. Instead of beating myself up I went straight back in the saddle and had a juice left over from yesterdays batch plus some very delicious and super crispy crisps I had forgotten to take out of the dehydrator. I am going to leave them all much longer from now on. They have hardly any calories because it is only the fiber left over from juicing - a brilliant snack. Will start to have to hide them from G because he likes them very much too ;)

Today I had:

juice from yesterdays batch

the last of the pumpkin soup with chickpeas
a piece of soda bread

baked potato and baked beans

There have been some 'wind issues' for the last couple of days. I guess all that fibre is shocking my body. But what is more interesting is how I do not feel any cravings for anything and how I have been able to not go mad on the bread I have in the freezer. Pretty proud of myself actually.

Day five

2008-11-01T03:41:00.000-07:00

Felt the pearl barley I had eaten the night before - not in a bad way. Just knew I had eaten it and did not wake up as upbeat as I had the day before. I am so glad we have that wonderful juicer and the dehydrator is being put to work every day now. On the trip to Germany we also bought a wooden grain mill which actually is not a mill but it flattens the grain kernels and out come rolled oats, wheat etc. We also bought a big bag of grains and G made a muesli mix with some coconut shavings and dried fruit and it is DELICIOUS. I will experiment with drying different fruits over the coming weeks. It is really nice to know that there is nothing else in the food you are eating - we checked and it is amazing what they add to dried fruit you can buy from the supermarket.

Today I had:

Juice of cucumber, pears, apple, parsley, ginger and lots of celery - very nice!

Pumpkin soup with chick peas

A piece of apple cake

so far so good ........... then I got tempted into having quite a lot of

Grape juice, fermented and that let on to me sneaking

A small burger from the fridge

I am really feeling the effects this morning but we had a fun night. No regrets

on on

Day four

2008-10-31T03:41:00.000-07:00

I was in very good spirits all day and wide awake. The clay bath has an unusual texture, it seems very drying so I added some bubbles. I am continuing with this experiment quite happily. I do not seem to have too many cravings.

Today I had:

2x Juice of beetroots (raw!) courgettes, parsley, lime (threw in the whole thing - ewwww), carrots, celery ............ interesting but drinkable

Pumpkin soup, some soda bread and butter

A bowl of pineapple chunks

and at 9 pm I got really hungry and had some of the pearl barley risotto I had made for G and very nice it was too!

Day three

2008-10-30T02:06:00.001-07:00

A busy day being a domestic goddess and a visit of a lovely friend. I cooked soup, baked bread and apple cake plus some of those pesky household chores on my list. Still have this soar throat and woke up choking in the night with a very dry throat. Also seem to need more sleep recently - it is highly unusual for me to go to bed at 10pm two nights in a row. My dreams are very vivid and as always filled with a cast of thousands, lots of excitement, drama and difficult decisions for me to make.

The fight with the cold is over - the heating was fixed. You know it is cold in your kitchen when you open the fridge and warm air wafts out!!

Today I had:

2 x Cucumber, celery, carrot, ginger, apple and parsley + the delicious crackers I made from the pulp mixed with a can of tomatoes and some garlic

Pumpkin soup, soda bread and a piece of apple cake

I start the mornings off with some warm water and either lemon or grapefruit juice and tomorrow when the house has reached a normal temperature I am going to try the clay bath supplement my sister gave me - it is supposed to help detoxification through the skin.

Day two

2008-10-28T12:46:00.000-07:00

Can you tell I am doing something new? The beginning of my self imposed little challenges always get me excited. I am taking bets on how long for.......

I listen to a lot of podcasts and like guided meditations. Last week I came across one which made me laugh out loud all the way through. I can not remember the name of the guy who did this recording but he is a well known hypnotist. Anyway he starts going on about how people nurture their inner child, especially if they feel they were hurt when they were young. What rubbish he says, lets take a machine gun to your inner child - aim carefully and shoot it. You can always rebuilt it. In fact lets take a cannon to your inner child - buuuuuummmmmm. You can always rebuilt it. Initially I was shocked - how could he???!!! But then I started to giggle and when I had taken my first shot at my own whiny self pitying inner child I could not stop laughing.

I have been using this technique quite often since on my inner chritique, on my inner 'lets not conform and be naughty' and of couse my inner child. I can always rebuilt that part of myself to suit me a little better. After all these are not real flesh and blood, they are just concepts in my mind.

Today I had:

Lots of my special crackers

A cup of yesterdays soup

A juice made off broccoli, courgettes, beetroot and apple

Potato mash and Sauerkraut (without one of the lovely sausages I cooked for G)

I had a sore throat today and started with a flu headache this morning. No wonder considering our heating packed up on Friday at about 4.45 pm and the earliest I can get it repaired is tomorrow. It has be COLD here and we have to huddle by the one electric heater we own.

Day one of going veggie

2008-10-27T01:29:00.001-07:00

I am a confirmed carnivore so I am dictating this with some trepidation but also with a lot of excitement. I am going to attempt, actually it is more than attempt but at the moment I do not want to use a stronger word, so I am going to attempt to go seriously veggie this week.

Lately I have started juicing mainly because we have had a bumper crop of apples and pears in our garden and I did not want to waste all of those lovely fruit. So I mixed apple and pear juice with carrots, leeks and anything else I could find in the vegetable box. Some combinations are obviously more successful than others. The leeks were particularly interesting as they have a very strong onion after taste which was a bit of a marmite moment

Today I have had:

Juice made of spinach, carrots, celery, apple x2

Lime water

Carrot, sweet potato and ginger soup

and a lovely slice of homemade bread

plus endless cups of my current favourite herbal tea

oh and some of my special crackers

When juicing there is always a lot of pulp and I had the ingenious idea to dry it and make delicious thin crackers in my dehydrator. I also produced a stunning apple cake by just using apple pulp, a little agave nectar and perhaps some raw almonds all or some raisins. Completely healthy of course and a delight to work taste buds. Even G likes both.

More tomorrow!