Single Parent Dad

Whatever, my boy could do that in his sleep

2009-11-27T10:11:00.000Z

Being the ridiculously observant and acutely aware parent that I am, I have discovered that my son sleepwalks - about a year after he may have actually started doing so.

365 is a reasonable reaction time for me.

Ask my mom, she is still awaiting replies to texts sent in 2005.

And that is not even a joke.

Well, it is, but it is also fact.

My son has long since had night-time saunters, my theory was that he needed the toilet, and instead of opting for his illuminated en-suite – doubling as a night light – he seeks out a relief point that is less evil on his eyes.

I was misguided.

Finding him sometimes confused, I always put that down to the hour, but I did actually consider it could be sleepwalking, but having never experiencing it before, and usually finding him communicative, I was not so sure.

Then one night last week, I put the boy to bed, and a few hours later heard what could have been footsteps upstairs.

Sometimes this noise is followed by a whimpered ‘daddy’. This time there was no such gentle mutter, and as it had been really windy, and thus noisy, I left it a few minutes before I went to check it out.

I know, more kudos to my parenting excellence.

The noises persisted so I went all Scooby-do to find out what was going on, if anything.

My son was stood, clearly confused, in our hallway.

I knelt to talk to him, and offer some reassurance, but I did not get any verbal engagement, yet he did nestle himself onto my thigh and cuddle in.

So, I picked him up, took him to stand at the toilet, at which he performed, then virtually walked back passed me and back into bed.

In the morning he had absolutely no recollection of any of these events, nor did I alert them to him, I did not want to worry him about something that may not be worth concerning himself with.

This is a sure sign of sleepwalking according to ~~the officially authorised and qualified health professional I contacted~~ Google.

It seems, by default, I have created a safe haven for him, which I found recommended for the night trekkers.

Also my stairs have a really good 80/20 carpet on them, so they should be well protected should he take a tumble.

I am joking.

It is not 80/20 at all.

It would seem, by my exhaustive research, that sleepwalking is another thing to add to the shouldgrowoutof list.

And like the other things on that list, should be confronted if it persists or gets worse.

Boysterous

2009-11-25T16:23:00.002Z

I am currently a tad confused by my son’s boisterous behaviour.

Now I could have ‘my-child-couldn’t-possibly-be naughty’ parenting goggles on, however I could equally be donning the ‘overreacting-and-expecting-too-much’ shades.

Being a single parent, it is at times that I have conflicting ideas, or am not entirely sure on an aspect of parenting, that I most miss not being part of a parenting conglomerate.

Rather conflictingly though, I think at times where I may waver on my opinion, or how to proceed with dealing with a particular issue, the added dynamic of another parent – whom may be equally undecided – may actually create more issues, and stresses, which ultimately can take the focus from the matter that you originally starting dealing with.

Anyway, what I am dealing with, or thinking of dealing with, is my son’s rather brash nature with other boys, and, for that matter, adult men.

We have always bashed each other around, and I think my tolerance level has always been high, perhaps too high, compared to other people he has ‘playfully’ fought with.

Thus there are some inconsistencies, he may get told off for something by one person, that another would let ride.

It has never really been a big issue with other children, but, I fear, it may become one.

We have had a couple of instances, where even though I have thought my son has understood why he should not act in a certain way, he has returned to it, and someone has ended up upset, whether than be him or his partners in crime.

And this has got me thinking.

While I try to lead him to tell me why I am perhaps chastising, and suggesting alternative play, that I am being too naive in my parenting, and that perhaps I need to consider other methodology.

Because, in spite of knowing that certain behaviour may lead to temporary pain for someone, if it is fun, and might not actually lead to ills, children find it hard to stop, and perhaps being good risk awareness managers is not something we should be constantly asking them to be.

So instead of a repetitive dialogue, I am considering an amnesty of all items that induce behaviour of mass destruction.

I may need a mandate from NATO – Parenting Division. Hans Blix has nowt on my boy.

Anything considered, or possibly resembling a weapon, such as lightsabers, toy guns, shields, cricket bats, may be put into my own Room 101.

In the past I have not deliberately taken things from my son, preferring, and therefore relying on, talking things out, and explaining how things should be, and should not be used. Conversation that may also have involved the naughty step/corner/wall/a raised tone to emphasise how serious I consider things to be.

My theory has always been if I can get him to understand, it is better than simply making bad behaviour impossible, as when it is possible it may be feasted upon.

But that is a theory that may be shot, or doomed to fail.

I am still undecided, wavering, and would welcome any similar experiences and thoughts.

Who do you think you are talking to?

2009-11-18T11:34:00.003Z

I joked earlier this week with a fellow blogger that I am not in fact, who I say I am.

However, Bigamist Camel Dad just did not have the same ring to it.

And I could so be a camel, always complaining of a bad back and often caught typing tripe that could easily have been hammered out with hooves.

I was not actually making a serious revelation, more trying to be funny (or should I just stop that at ‘trying’?).

But it has crossed my mind that the words on these pages need not be a reflection of reality, and indeed, my identity, or persona ‘could’ be entirely different to the one, ‘I’ am portraying.

And just as my spiel could be a huge web of nonsense, so it could anywhere else on the interweb.

For instance, it is well known that Dan Hughes is actually the semi-waxed Abominable Snowman.

Obviously there is little sinister in all of this, it is great that a camel addicted to marriage and a hypothetical creature have managed to fool a few.

Yet(i), what else is out there?

My son is not of an age to be using a computer regularly, apart from navigating the Lego website and playing the odd game, but I read a report this morning about the concerns of children using social networking sites, ‘unprotected’.

The BBC report is, I believe, based on an interview with someone from the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre talking about networking sites, such as Facebook and Myspace, not adopting their help button, when there was ‘no legitimate’ reason for not doing so.

I have been through the article twice, and also listened to the excerpt from The Today Programme within it, and I am still confused.

To me - the simpleton - this button provides a quick and simply way for someone to report another for suspect behaviour. Which is great, but ultimately does not ‘protect’ anyone.

There seems to be an argument that if the button is there it will put off the perverts, bullies and stalkers. Likened to how a burglar alarm would deter a would-be burglar.

I still do not get it.

The internet is a dangerous place, and while I mildly see the benefit of being able to report dodgy activity easily, isn’t this just an admin thing? When the realities of keeping safe while browsing are down to the individual, and creating environments that are perceived to be ‘safe’ is actually going to make the problem worse?

Star struck

2009-11-16T18:36:00.004Z

My boy has an incredibly ability to put me on my backside.

Both figuratively, and literally.

One of his favourite tricks – cannot think where he learnt it – is to catch me unawares, when I am in a bent down position, tying shoelaces, picking up toys, or whatever, he then proceeds to knock me off balance with all his might.

He calls it wrestling and hilarious, I call it unnecessary violence and mildly irritating, but I am guilty of the same.

If he is ever stood near a bean bag, or other cushioning medium, he often finds himself forcefully buried in them shortly afterwards.

His other ability is to catch me emotionally.

I find his brutish charm endearing - most of the time - but he also has a very soft side, a kind side, a side that is sometimes aware of his actions, a side able to eloquently state fact and situation, he is basically a dodecahedron.

And he can go from beast to beauty in 0.5 seconds.

Even quicker the other way around.

This ability is not limited to me, and bouts of breathlessness can be induced from gaggles of people, even beer gardens are not safe places.

Yet a few weeks ago he left me utterly speechless. No mean feat, that I am sure several will vouch for.

Well, I was not so much speechless, more in a state that I knew if I attempted to talk I would have turned into a man-sized-mound of blarting.

We had had school guests for tea, they had played nicely, no issues, which is always welcome, and I was pleased that he had shared, and offered things to his chums without the need for any serious prompting.

But it was when they came to leave that he got me.

With the recent time change, and the season, it was inevitably dark when we opened the door to show out our visitors.

It was a clear evening, the moon was in view, as where many stars.

Max focused only on one.

‘Oh look, Mommy’s star is shining tonight.’

Cue figurative backside position for me.

And our guests were also a little tilted.

It really caught me off-guard, it gets talked about quite a lot, but for some reason, this mention had me a little overwhelmed.

Shortly afterwards, with composure restored, together we explained that we had arranged the naming of a star in honour of Max’s late mother. And that it is part of the Andromeda Galaxy, also known as The Princess, hence why we chose it.

I know he is aware of the star, and why it carries his mother’s name, but it was pleasing to watch him, in a matter-of-fact manner, be comfortable enough to explain to his friends, or rather, in front of them.

I do not want his grieving to be stunted, nor do I want fiction to get in the way of fact, neither do I wish to alienate friends too fearful to mention the obvious reality of our situation.

Thus, the boy done good.

And I, just needed a moment.

Why am I the default bin?

2009-11-09T20:45:00.002Z

There is one thing I can pretty much guarantee when I give my son a packet of something, a carton of juice or generally anything that has any packaging.

That is, when they are empty, or he has consumed enough of the aforementioned items to therefore make them now useless to him, the remnants will be handed to me, accompanied with his best ‘well-what-else-do-you-expect-me-to-with-it’ face.

This phenomenon is not limited to any one place, or any one time, it is the default no matter the circumstance, what I am doing, what he is doing.

I can be driving the car, cooking the tea, or probably a few miles past several thousand bins that perhaps, just perhaps are where these items are headed anyway.

It also is not limited to waste, drinks are given to me rather than put down safely on a hard surface, as if they may magically disappear, and toys no longer desired, or books recently done with.

This means I always have a pocket full of crap, even though, especially at the moment, I am not the one who has consumed these snacky items.

I am being a tad unfair, as I am really pleased that Max does this rather than ‘litters’. I really do not like littering.

And also he does take some stuff to the bin, and will generally do so too when prompted. A bit like the look, or extended ‘eeerrrmm’ you have to give sometimes before you get a ‘thank you’.

This condition my son suffers from, seems to be an epidemic and may in fact be a genetic condition.

It was my mother who gave me this insight.

Not through her incisive teachings, heaven forbid, the World might never be the same again should that happen (cue email from HQ), but through her very presence.

A presence, that whenever I walk past, I tend to hand her anything I no longer have the need for.

Signing the homework diary

2009-11-04T20:01:00.003Z

Mine was a pain in the backside throughout my schooling. I was generally pretty good, only ever doing the minimum, but it would be rare that I would rebel to the extent of not completing work set for outside school at all.

But getting it signed, was just a robotic act I forgot to get round to. We were so busy with other stuff as a family, that it was never on my mind, that is until they asked for them first thing Monday morning.

I find the fact that my 4 year-old son has a homework diary a tad ridiculous.

I am not an exponent of bringing school work home. I am happy to be involved in what he has learnt at school, and reaffirm it should the right opportunities arise, but I fear that regular homework, and thus me moaning about getting it done, will have a negative effect on his education overall.

At this age the diary was billed as more of a record keeper, and also a way for parent and school staff to communicate with each other, writing messages in it for non-urgent issues.

It transpires it will usually detail the book currently in his bag, and have comments from his teacher, or classroom assistants about his phonics.

As parents we are free to detail what we do too, and also add comments, or highlight any issues we may have.

I know a lot of the parents have used stickers, and different coloured pens as ‘well done’ messages for their children.

However, instead, I have opted for sarcasm.

My recent entries;

‘Goldilocks – Max read the story, as it is traditionally told. Perhaps the nicest breaking and entering tale of all time.’

‘Get the fruit – Max read this tale, albeit without the same enthusiasm as when reading the others. Inept monkeys not really floating his boat.’

In reply to; Max confident with s, a, t, p, i, n, m, g, o, c, k, e, r, b. If you could go over his other sounds that would be great.

‘As would peace in the Middle East, but not entirely sure I am qualified to help out with that either’.

Ok, the last one did not go in, but sarcasm is the only way I can deal with quips like that. That, or ignoring them altogether.

I do give Max great encouragement and praise when he is doing schoolwork, as I like to think I do when he demonstrates any positive behaviour, but it would feel a tad odd to me to write ‘well done’ in his diary.

Whereas glib, sarky sentences, ARE my comfort zone.

What is value for money?

2009-11-01T22:08:00.006Z

We have had an awesome week, and absolutely awesome half-term week.

These last seven days were something I was so looking forward to, having lost my son to the misery of school since September.

To the surprise of some (one), I did not compile a spreadsheet, nevertheless each day had an outline plan, and was jam packed with activities.

We had various days out, varying in degrees of complexity and cost.

The part wondrous Hughes family even came to visit, bringing pumpkins amongst their charms.

For Halloween, an event I have pretty much ignored for the last 31 years, we got tickets for a Halloween spectacular event at RAF Cosford.

I use the verb ‘got’ as technically my folks bought them, and they are unlikely to ever see the money for them, and ‘got’ is so much more polite than ‘stole’ or ‘feltched’.

The museum at RAF Cosford is one of our favourite go-to visits. It is all undercover, there is no charge for the museum - although there is now a parking charge – the exhibits are great, and their Fun ‘n’ Flight Interactive corner is good fun AAAANNNNDDDD educational.

We thought supporting an event there would be a good thing, and would most likely represent excellent value for money.

They certainly made an effort, two of the museums hangers were decorated to a Halloween theme.

Scary tunnels linking it all together, with a few activities, like lantern making, sticking a witch on a broomstick and face painting scattered around.

But essentially it was a glorified fair.

And to call these things a fair is a gross misuse of the word.

I estimate you can spend around £20 an hour, per child, while frequenting one.

The boy went on the dodgems, a merry-go-round, hooked a duck – or two – with his grandma, convinced his granddad to fire an air rifle and also got me to make a rather embarrassing effort of knocking tins from a shelf with wooden balls.

Thing is, while I felt a smidge aggrieved at the horrendous profitability of such stalls, I realised my son was really enjoying himself, and thus me watching him.

There were also fireworks, and the display on its own was worth a few pounds, but still, without a child I would have felt totally ripped off, yet with one, I was happy to be ripped off.

And I type ‘I’, when ‘I’ really mean, happy to watch the grandparents get ripped off.

Most ridiculous urination award

2009-10-27T22:22:00.003Z

I am creating this ‘honour’, and also claiming it.

If there are any parents that can better, or in fact, worsen any of the situations I am about to detail, I will gladly pass on this decoration, and take huge comfort in the fact that I am not the only person raising a child who likes to make toilets out of all sorts of things.

It falls at my door, or teaching really, my toilet stop planning has often been a smidge laxed, not really instilling a protocol in the boy of using the toilet when it is convenient rather than at the very moment it becomes absolutely necessary.

This has led to a few ‘choice’ moments. Not exclusively for this reason, sometimes, it has just been because there were not the facilities available for a good time. But today’s emergency relief, really was something else.

I give you my most ludicrous five;

5 – Around the village’s iconic Christmas tree.

Late for school, or thinking we were late, my son did not go and use the water closet before leaving the house. We had got to the end of the road when he announced it was now or new trousers. Just at the point where the village’s giant fir tree is planted. As it masked my son from the road, I sent him to ‘do his business near it’. But obviously the sight of me alone prompted the passing parents, and best kept village dignitaries to ask where Max was. They often did not get to the end of their question, before the answer was plain to see.

4 – On the underground.

This was a semi-planned event. I knew that we were going to be on the tube for a while. Getting across, or under London can be quite a long process, especially when you are not 100% sure where you are going, what line you should be on or if you are going to get shouted at. For that reason I included an empty water bottle in my bag, a holdall ironically scrawled with the words ‘No Fear’ because ~~it was the cheapest rucksack available~~ I am that cool. So when my son declared he desperately needed to go, I was ready. Well, I had to rid myself of any shame as I knelt and held a plastic container to my son’s penis on a packed London Tube, but that was not a big issue.

3 – On Safari.

This was a similar situation to the underground incident. At West Midlands Safari Park, one of our favourite visits, you take your car around their safari under strict instructions to stay within the vehicle. Since it can also take up to two hours on busy summer days, when drinking is also advised to keep the kids hydrated, there spells a recipe for disaster. Again the plastic bottle came to my aid, this time having to empty its original contents out of the window, before I then emptied a much warmer, yet fresher liquid out if not long afterwards.

2 – Not so grate.

One I thought we had got away with. When my son was still at nursery, he finished one lunchtime and we were instantly in a rush to be somewhere else, which was going to require a decent car journey. But as I am an idiot, I forgot to ask Max to go and use the nursery’s toilet before we left for our journey. Instead I reminded him at the car, and he then relieved himself in to a storm drain. Just at the point that one of the school’s parent governors strolled passed, coolly saying; “I knew there was a reason I did not pull further forward.” They had been in the car parked right by the drain to see the whole performance.

1 – In Willy Wonka’s Factory.

We spent today at Alton Towers, a great, yet exhaustive day out. The boy has insisted on only a few things from the day, but going on the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was top of the insisting. It was obviously popular with a lot of the children there today, and as such the queue was substantial. Max had not long gone to the toilet so I thought we would be safe, and as the queue was growing, we joined it, with fingers, and legs crossed. We must have been in the queue for over 30 minutes, but I could see my son getting a little twitchy, which I put down to boredom. There were signs up everywhere to say we could not rejoin the queue if we left it, and when we entered the snaking part inside, there really was no way back. At this point, and as a video instruction of a cartooned Willy Wonka is annoying played on a loop, the boy declared a bladder fit to burst. Luckily, and equally unluckily this part of the queuing system is very dark. So I prepared the receptacle, and advised my son it was safe to go - just as the queue started moving again. Thus, I had my son, walking backwards, peeing in to a Fruit Shoot bottle, in the dark. My hand was getting warmer, and it was only a guess if this was because the bottle had become dislodged, or indeed if it was just the bottle getting warmer. Great times. A whole new low.

So, I think we totally deserve this award, but I do hold on to the faintest of hopes that there are others who can share stories even more absurd.

Please don’t disappoint me.

Doing things by halves

2009-10-26T16:30:00.003Z

No, I do not have a new job as an Easter egg puttogetherrer.

I am typing about the school holidays.

It is half-term week for us, which means my son is off, and we get to plan, and act out a load of joyous activities.

I have just re-read a post I wrote at the end of this week last year, and discovered some fabulous similarities with it.

Our relationship is really on a high at the moment, my son has been incredibly affectionate of late, and his behaviour has prompted a lot of positive tears from me over the last week or so.

I find him great fun most of the time in all honesty, but at the moment, his company is something I really crave and enjoy. So a whole week with him, however tiring it may end up being ~~and however much I may end up regret saying it~~ has come at the right time.

This is something I also noted this time last year.

We have yet to mutilate a pumpkin, but we are actually planning on doing a job on one grown by Mr Hughes later in the week.

The week has kicked off at one of Max’s nursery friends this morning.

Thanks to those who reassured me about being exposed to chickenpox again on Twitter last night. I eventually found some chickenpox information on the NHS website, it offered no concrete reason to rob my son of a play date he was very much looking forward to.

On top of the pumpkin carving, we also have visits planned to Alton Towers, West Midlands Safari Park, the grandparents, a Halloween extravaganza, fireworks and a birthday party.

Some of which we shall do in the company of the wonderful aforementioned Hughes family.

I have some work to fit in around all that, which means for a fun, yet even more tiring than usual, seven day period.

There is some downtime for me before the weekend, as I am going to a Pink concert – I hope I get to tickle her, or her me.

Thus I hope a happy balance has been struck.

But my main hope is that my smile is still as wide by the end of it all.

Toy Story Mania

2009-10-25T08:00:00.001Z

We were sent a copy of Toy Story Mania, a new game for the Nintendo Wii, for review.

I do not actually own a Wii console, but my sister does, and I thought this game, being more child friendly, would be a handy addition for our visits – rather than my four year-old clambering to play non-age appropriate games every time we go.

Essentially it is a shoot-em-up game, based on the very popular Toy Story characters.

Play is based around a fairground type environment, playing all sorts of games, or stalls, where the physical style of the Wii controls give a feel for you actually being stood at the stall, and bashing things that come out of holes, or shooting them, as necessary.

The only problem I had with the game was actually getting my son to play it. While he is a big fan of the Toy Story films, this game certainly was not grabbing his attention in the same way.

Disney provides a huge library of things to perhaps encourage interaction with this game. There are things to colour in, you can make a Toy Story Mania door hanger and there are the obligatory wallpapers and screensavers.

Perhaps if I had got hold of an official Toy Story gun, that may have encouraged him a bit too.

The game is also playable in 3-D, if you can bear wearing the funny glasses, or indeed get your offspring to wear them.

Overall the game is good fun, like many on Nintendo’s newest console, but it also quickly becomes tiresome for me, hence we do not own this machine ourselves.

There is enough dust on my Playstation 2 as it is.

My mother is totally boiling my beetroot man

2009-10-22T09:00:00.000+01:00

No need to call the cops, not like she was twisting my melon.

In fact, she was physically boiling my home grown beetroot as part of their pickling process.

It was my expectation, that when we moved to our self-built house, that the garden would be as important, as the structure we were to occupy.

I put quite a lot of effort into designing our surrounds, carefully considering maintenance and practicality versus beauty and usefulness.

A vegetable patch was considered absolutely essential, and while I have not got it quite right, the original design was such that I can make alterations in the spring at very little extra cost.

The slog of gardening, maintaining one, cutting grass, weeding, hedge trimming and watering, have never been activities that I have enjoyed, more endured. But the thought of successfully growing our own crops was a truly scrumptious one.

Something we can enjoy doing together, and a process that would hopefully help my son understand how certain things grow.

We both have really enjoyed the process this first year, and have been reasonably successful in striking a balance of not stretching ourselves too much, but yielding enough to make it a worthwhile process.

Firstly we grew potatoes in three quarters of our patch, while strawberry plants were planted in the remainder.

As the spuds chosen were early varieties we were able to lift them, and still have time to sow carrot and beetroot seeds in the void from which they came.

Our carrots were more successful in number, but growing beetroot has actually encouraged my boy to eat them, so it is arguable that the beetroot growth was more worthwhile.

I have now dug in some leaves, and in the spring I plan to raise my vegetable bed by another railway sleeper, adding a mixture of top soil, fertiliser and manure before moving my strawberry plants, and their off-shoots, then we will be having another blast with potatoes.

Space, given a bit of shifting, has also been identified for a couple of fruit trees, which I think will be a great addition to our garden, and hopefully our learning.

I was recently contacted by representatives of McCain, who were kind enough to send Max a new gardening set and activity pack.

They are keen to promote their Potato Story initiative, aimed at raising awareness amongst children on how the humble potato finds its way to their dinner table, presumably in the form of McCain’s over chips.

They have kitted out an unbranded doube-decker bus ~~and yes saying unbranded enough is like letting people know of all the secret charity work you do, great PR idea~~ which is the focal part of their roadshow that has visited over 130 UK primary schools, reaching out to over 17,000 pupils.

Reading through their website, it does appear to be a genuine initiative, and one that could aid those that are not getting this information by other means.

Infinite amount of words Wednesday

2009-10-21T12:00:00.001+01:00

Ignore the cute.

This,

Is an unmitigated disaster.

The boy has an insatiable thirst for information. When he gets a run on, he is question, question, and question.

A fact not lost on the gifter of his new prized book, themselves subject to his ~~relentless inquisition~~ enquiring mind before.

This is most definitely a payback.

Revenge is a dish best served funny, it seems.

Grief triggers

2009-10-19T21:22:00.003+01:00

Last week included, what would have been, my late wife’s 35th birthday.

Since becoming a widower, the anniversaries, that of her death, birthday, our wedding or even us getting together, have not really been a huge issue for me.

I wrote in August about the fourth anniversary of Samantha’s death and included there how I feel about them.

Nothing really changes on the days later, or before, and it is really not like I am thinking about her any more, or any less on any given day.

It is my rational self, I have never been one to get excited about any sort of anniversary, and I suppose that facet of my persona has not really changed.

Rigorous rituals have not really been created, or cemented, to deal with recurring events, each occasion being treated on an ad-hoc basis.

I do tend to get flowers, white lilies if I can - our favourites. Usually keeping some at home, and taking some to Sam’s grave.

Not shying away from the reason as to why we have the flowers in our house, not that it is always the reason we have green stuff in our gaff.

My boy understands why too, I do not like keeping things from him, he deserves the truth, however hard it is.

But last week was the first time it upset him.

I explained in the morning, what was ‘significant’ about the day, and while that was not a grief trigger for me, it certainly was for the boy.

While heartbreaking to witness, I was also immensely proud of my son. Proud because he had moved to such a level, gaining a better understanding of his loss, and able to show his emotion for it.

There was plenty of reassurance and cuddling, and we spoke about his mom, and how it was now. While she has physically gone, she will always be part of him, and gave him the best possible start in the world.

We were having a couple of his friends for tea on the same day, and I had intended to buy some carrot cake, Sam’s favourite, for Max and his chums to celebrate quietly the missed birthday. News of this also softened the grief.

I did think of shielding it from Max’s friends, but quickly put thoughts like that aside, as I do not feel it is something we should shy from. It is not going to change, and it is not like I am against talking about it.

Part of me also wanted to see how the little ones may react to the situation.
They reacted with questions to which they know the answers, like; ‘Where’s Max’s mom?’

It is almost like they still find it difficult to accept, and are perhaps surprised with the way they get straight answers. From me, and mini-me.

Luckily for the boy, they did not like carrot cake, so he had two for his lunch boxes on the following days. I do wonder if their relative significance was talked about at school, Max has not mentioned them since, and I do not like to ask, as I really do not want him to tire of my insistence to talk about such things.

And while situations like this are no breeze, I could not help but think it was the right way to handle it. For us anyway. This time.

My boy’s grief is not going to evaporate through ignorance, nor would I want it to. I think the truth, and the benefits of knowing it, far outweigh, what a life shielded may yield.

Formal lessons should be introduced later

2009-10-16T11:13:00.003+01:00

Following hot-on-the-heels of my debut at parents evening, I have had some great discussions with fellow parents of children in reception class, and some in year 1.

There does not seem to be totally commonality in attitude, but the majority feel that the education train runs too fast, and is ultimately to the detriment of a child’s learning, rather than making the most of their current ‘sponge-like’ learning capacity.

It was of no surprise then, that the report published by The Cambridge Primary Review – billed as the most comprehensive enquiry into English primary education for 40 years – was a topic of great discussion and intrigue this morning.

Most us had picked it up from the BBC news report that had focused on the recommendation that we should follow the international example, and not rush children into a formal learning environment.

I have had a quick read of the review document, and found that there were also positives in it. Suggesting that while primary schools are under too much pressure to attain certain standards, they are generally doing a very good job.

Many years ago I remember being so bored on a plane journey, running out of things to read, I ended up reading the education section of a broadsheet newspaper.

I was not a parent, nor close to being one, but I found an article that stuck with me, or my understanding of it, up until now.

It advocated the same principle, citing somewhere like Switzerland as an example. Where they actually slowed children down to the same pace of learning, but yielded much better levels of education by the end of formal schooling.

The article suggested that we concentrate very much on the perceived gifted children here, and all is set to cater for them, but the masses have to just churn out results, and that those results do not equate to quality learning, or a sound education.

The Cambridge Primary Review makes for very interesting reading, and the recommendation that formal lessons should not start until a child is six, is something that resonates with me, the layman.

Interesting the review only suggests evidence for the current method of switching to formal learning methods after a reception year, to damage longer-term learning. It records no evidence of the opposite.

It would also be interesting to know, or read further, how this would actually affect teachers of this age group, and beyond.

Having children closer together in formal knowledge must be easier to teach, and I would suggest those children still hungry to learn more could have their horizons broadened, rather than just ‘being better’ at the subjects they learn with their classmates.

This report may come too late to affect my son’s schooling, yet interestingly if we moved to Wales then his learning would be different, with the suggestions of this review already being followed.

I am still up for the challenge of trying to make school seem as fun and as unpressurised as possible, even if the reality, for now, is different.

My Parents Evening debut

2009-10-15T10:38:00.004+01:00

After six weeks of school I was, like all the other parents at my son’s school, invited to a Parents Evening.

Now I am unsure if my memory serves me right, but when I was a pupil, these would be an annual thing which always resulted in my parents relaying the message; ‘You’ve done OK, but you SHOULD be trying harder’.

Being the little know-it-all, I would always point out that ‘should’ is subjective, and in fact they meant ‘your teachers, and us, would prefer it if you made more of an effort with the work put in front of you’.

I was probably the ultimate in annoying child, and still am in many ways.

This time however, I am playing the role of parent, and I am interested in my own mind and how I will guide and cajole my own child through the whole education process.

I still insist my attitude was right at school, and is one inherent in me. Try hard when you either need to, when you are interested or can see the longer-term benefit of what you are doing.

It is little about what you know, more an ability to apply knowledge in a beneficial way.

The emphasis from me at the moment is that I want my son to enjoy his schooling as much as possible. That may ultimately mean I have to ~~give the same lecture~~ encourage my boy to do his work, or indeed extra work, but for now I am not deliberately putting any pressure on him to do work, and actually have encouraged him to question the ‘must do’ attitude.

Yeah, the teachers are going to love me.

Last night was intended as a five minute interview, which in my humble opinion was largely avoidable and unnecessary.

It really is not a great deal of time if you actually have questions or issues to discuss.

(And I obviously forgot to ask the only one I wanted answered; 'What is this black crap I can't wash out of the uniform?')

Our 300 seconds were mostly spent discussing the methods of reception, or foundation stage teaching. Explaining what the targets are for the children.

Which was of some benefit, but need not have been delivered on a one-to-one basis, indeed it could have been explained by letter, email or even at the previous ‘Meet the Teacher’ and ‘Sharing Time’ events this term.

I am sure it is not a great night for the teachers either.

So instead of having to liaise with a fellow parent, and do some child swapping - which at the moment is a ‘great’ source of debate - an email exchange or quick phone conversation would have sufficed.

Probably easier for all parties, and also generates an automatic record, and notes of open communication between parent and teacher.

Would probably tick a lot of boxes on my Early Years Foundation Stage Profile actually.

That is all wishful thinking, so I am left to eagerly await my next parent/teacher consultation.

And the one after that.

And the one after that............

Children are really irritating

2009-10-13T21:10:00.003+01:00

They really are, even when done with a certain amount of cute, and charm, they can be incredibly irritating.

I give you a wonderful example.

This is something I wanted to write about a while ago, but I have only just found ~~a piece of scrap paper with ‘idiot son’ written on as a reminder~~ reference to it, in part of my extensive, and professionally recorded, blogging notes.

Sometime over the summer, the boy was due for a day with one set of the grandparents, my folks to be precise.

There was no fixed agenda, the inconsistent weather of the time pretty much dictated any forward planning to be a waste of time, but for sure, fun was to be had.

The sun was shining in the morning, and as I started to sort stuff out for the day my son ~~insisted~~ suggested that he wanted to take his bike with him.

I had no problem with this, just needed to make the necessary loading arrangements, and enquires.

So the call was put into the grandees to check this did not interfere with any plan they may have hatched now armed with a better handle on the weather.

In fact it supplemented their idea of going to a park and farm, my dad started planning how to transfer the bike to his car so the boy could ride it around said park.

My boot needed a quick tidy up to fit the bike in, but before I was allowed to load it, my son decided that a few action figures needed to go into the little box that sits over the rear wheel.

The transfer over at my parents’ house was swift and virtually effortless.

However upon their return to our house for dinner, enquiries to how the day had gone brought about ‘that look’, the one that says not all went to plan.

Apparently although my dad had taken Max’s bike out with them, my son had then decided he did not want to ride it around the park.

Annoying, but not super annoying.

What is Über annoying is when they got back to my parents’ house, and the bike was decanted for riding, again my son refused to take to the pedals.

I am led to believe my dad politely, yet firmly asked; “Why did you want to bring it then?”

To which Max replied; “I needed somewhere to put the action figures I wanted to bring.”

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Yet, cute and funny too.

It also prompted me to teach the boy a new word, or combination of words.

“You have plenty of suitable receptacles son, but your bike isn’t one of them.”

I woke up healthy

2009-10-09T09:16:00.003+01:00

Well, the NHS BMI Calculator said I did.

One of my instant targets when the boy started school, was to get my fitness and weight sorted out.

A different type of rebuilding process to the others I have instigated since being widowed.

I did not really set any initial targets, other than thinking that September to Christmas seemed like a good, and healthy period of time to get the aforementioned to a decent level.

In the past my dieting has only ever been successful if I have removed my intake of things I would consider unhealthy completely. Snacky stuff has always been my downfall, especially sweets.

We would diet as a pair previously, as that always seemed easier, and supportive, when we were married. Trying Weight Watchers, Marks & Spencer diet stuff, the red and green day one, and even Atkins.

None of them ever seemed to work for me, but to be honest, I was never that bothered about losing weight, nor did I need to, as more exercise was present in my day-to-day.

So this time, all sugary, fatty and salty snacks have gone, replaced exclusively by fruit, if I cannot wait for the next meal time.

It has also taken me 32 years to actually listen to the ‘breakfast is the most important meal of the day’ gambit.

I have been eating with my son in the mornings, rather than just sorting him out, to then feel hungry later in the morning, and snacking on rubbish.

Then I have also cracked an exercise formula. Consistently been doing 30 miles on my bike, and 2 miles in the swimming pool each week, with the exception of one when Max was poorly – those distances were halved that week.

I feel a lot better, and have more energy, which in turn means I have been more productive, and have found energy for things post child bedtime, rather than curling up and watching something naff on television.

My weight loss has been nothing short of immense. I have lost a ridiculous amount, 24lbs in five weeks, a little over 11% of my original body weight.

At the same time I am pleased, concerned and mildly embarrassed about such numbers.

It is great to actually have a BMI that does not label me a fatty, but I am unsure that losing that amount in that short space of time, I can really consider myself healthy.

Plus, when Dan laid down the gauntlet of who could lose a stone first, I did not envisage losing 7lbs in the first week of the challenge. While satisfying to be at the top of the loser board, that really is not what it is about, and 7lbs is barely believable, however true it is.

My dilemma is now finding a healthy balance, that means my weight loss is somewhat halted, but my fitness continues to improve. I guess this will entail eating more, but the danger is that puts pressure on me to continue to exercise at a level that will use the fat, rather than store it.

And still, I am only five weeks in, to what is a major change in lifestyle, so it may start to even itself out, as I now enter the deemed healthy bracket.

In other news; are you like me? After you have been on holiday, what is the one thing you need? Another holiday perhaps? I have written about these feelings over on the Play and Stay blog and I would love for you to go visit, and add your two penneths.

Family portraits and an image update

2009-10-07T13:58:00.008+01:00

No need to call Gok Wan, or whatever he is called, I am not about to overhaul my rather ailed wardrobe, but more a digital renovation.

I was recently asked for a photograph of myself and Max, as I am quite regularly, yet this time I actually realised I was, by default, sending a picture that is nearly four years old.

You know?

This one;

I use this in all my internet guises, Twitter, my blog profile, Facebook, British Mummy Bloggers and as the image associated with the magical words of wisdom I tend to leave all over the interweb.

It is time for a change.

Luckily I have a friend, who is looking to launch a photo studio with a twist.

Specialising in family portraits, but instead of operating from a studio which may make customers feel a smidge stuffy, he plans to offer a mobile service, thus bringing the camera to you.

He is a fantastic photographer, and a really nice chap, a manner that I would imagine most would welcome in to their homes.

Personally I have toyed with the idea of some studio-esq shots with the boy, but have always shied away from actually going through with it, fearing enormous cost, and the drama of getting to a studio without soiling any part of ourselves or clothing.

Plus there is the potential drama of damaging studio equipment, or child becoming increasingly frustrated and bored with the whole process and set-up.

So, his idea seems like a very good one to me, but I am only one person, and would love to read of your experiences, or indeed, if you would consider using such a service.

I will be passing on your feedback, but not any details, he will only be offering a local service, but I thought it would be good to gain some, any, market research for him.

Anyway, these are a few of the shots he took of us, and I will probably add a few more of them to my Flickr account at some point.

But do not be alarmed if you see one of these images as a replacement for my old avatar, we are just growing up.

Yeti Spotting with Skoda

2009-10-06T13:58:00.002+01:00

We were invited by Skoda to go and test drive one of their new cars, a Yeti no less, with the added benefit of taking this brand new car around Woburn Safari Park as way of examination.

The date fitted a free day, and I also managed to borrow my best mate’s wife and kids to make a proper car full, giving the car a better going over, and also enjoying the company of friends for the duration.

The day was expertly organised. Of all the PR related stuff I have actually said yes to, this was the most professionally handled, even better than the Butlins’ Ocean Hotel launch by my judgement.

On arrival, and without fuss we were directed to where the Yetis, and the Yeti were stationed, were warmly greeted and quickly offered a choice of diesel or petrol car.

As I drive a diesel, I thought it would be better to give an equivalent engine the run-around.

Car seats and the kids were swiftly transferred, which was much appreciated on a very blustery day, and we were soon on our way – after the mandatory embarrassing stall in front of everyone of course.

Predictably the model at our disposal was the top-of-the-range version – 2.0 TDI CR Elegance - with a few optional extras. The car had a really nice feel to it. The advantage of a raised driving position, but without the feel of driving a van or MPV.

It actually felt very similar to a Golf GTI I used to have, rather than the feelings I had driving my previous RAV4 or Mitsubishi L200 Warrior. Not a surprise I suppose with the whole Volkswagen/Skoda tie-in.

My friend was also impressed, more so that she thought she would be, apparently. Their family cars number a new Audi (also within the same stable) and Renault Megané, so they are folks that value their wheels.

We had a great day at Woburn; the Safari Park is excellent, very open with what looks like great freedom for the animals.

They were also spoiling their pack of lions with a deer, they had allegedly discovered dead on the roads around Woburn. A bypass was even offered for those unwilling to watch lions tear in to the once meaty carcass of a deer, which of course, we did not take.

It was difficult to give the car a real going over, being limited to driving slowly around the park, but it does seem like a great vehicle, and I will be taking one for a week long test drive at some point to further test that theory.

I hope to get one equipped with ‘Park Assist’. A system devised to help ~~women~~ the discerning driver with parallel parking, in that, it virtually does it for you. All you control is the speed.

This video demonstrates it better

I was amazed to see this is ‘only’ a £450 option, and also astounded to learn that this is in comparison to the £1,400 charged for Satellite Navigation. I cannot get my head around why Sat Nav seems to be such an expensive option, especially when you can pick up a very high spec mobile version for a couple of hundred pounds.

The car has been devised to fit the emerging Crossover market, not really fitting in any of the current motor sectors. Skoda hope to gain customers from several different markets; MPVs, SUVs and Hatchbacks. As well as compete with other new Crossovers, with core competition considered to be the Nissan Qashai.

It is a 4x4 that has an off road setting, for genuine users of this much maligned double axel power. Personally I would not need it, but, like previously, if I was towing from beaches it would be a great option, giving it an advantage against a lot of the competition.

A combined mpg of 46.3 seems keen, and would be even keener on the non 4x4 model, a factor that played a major part in my own last car purchase.

The day was further enjoyed by meeting Tim, of Bringing Up Charlie, in person for the first time. I hope to do so again soon.

I look forward to giving a Yeti a closer inspection in due course, and of course I will wax lyrical on my experience.

In the meantime you can find some photographs from our day on Facebook, where you can also join the Yeti Spotting group, and while you are there, why not add yourself to the Single Parent Dad page?

Fat Club

2009-10-01T14:03:00.003+01:00

The first rule of Fat Club is you must blog about Fat Club.

Me and the boyfriend have both decided there is a little too much of us to love, plus it would be quite nice to give our hearts a little rest from the daily drudgery of pumping vast amounts of steadily congealing liquid through self-narrowed arteries.

Something like that anyway.

But as we also have stupid in common, we thought it would be a great idea, and incentive to come up with some sort of contest.

We both have different amounts we wish to lose, so Dan, the genius, came up with the idea of the first to lose a stone (14lbs).

He also came up with the less brilliant idea of the winner, taking over the losers blog for the week, and really could we do anymore more harm to each other than we already do to ourselves?

So, we are looking for suggestions of what the penance, or prize should be for the first to lose the weight.

And we are also prepared to throw this open to others who may like to get in on the action, or non-action in this case.

Mr Hughes has unveiled his cunning weight loss plan today, it is quite novel, walking himself to death is a sure fire way to rid yourself of those unwanted pounds.

However if you want master plan, look no further, well, a little further, you have to read it like.

My plan, when friends visit us for a curry tomorrow night, is to replace the naan bread I usually have with boiled rice, a massive saving, plus I also am going to ask for questionable prawns, lower in fat, and likely to make me ill. A sure fire weight loss programme if ever there was one.

WeightWatchers Points? Shove that (though, it is a system I could incorporate in to a spreadsheet).

It is on.

Learning (to be more) cursive

2009-09-29T15:49:00.003+01:00

When I was told that my son would be taught cursive writing, I did think it odd that they would be actively educating my son to spell swear words, but also thought this is where I could come in to my own.

However, I am deeply disappointed – and ill educated – to learn that cursive is posh for joined up writing, innit.

The cursing lessons shall be left to me, and most likely, the playground.

It feels at the moment that we, and by that I mean a few of the parents, are on collision course with the school, and its methods.

Mainly because a few of us think it is unwise, and eventually unproductive, to push our children to do more ‘school stuff’ at home, especially while they are just starting at reception class.

However, as it stands, the children are learning a single phonic a day at school, then they are supposed to practise writing this letter – in cursive style – at home.

This is a style of learning I, like I am sure many others, was previously blind to.

I learned to write by ~~gun-point~~ print, the circles-and-sticks method. There is vague memory of moving towards joined up writing, and a much more vivid memory of being told, perhaps, I should stick to print, or even try carving my words in to wood.

So in order to assist my son, or at least understand what is expected of him, it is a case of me learning how teaching cursive writing works, and, very importantly, getting onboard with the benefits.

There have been rumblings of dismissing this method of learning as too complex for beginners, and that longer term benefits can still be achieved latterly by switching from print to cursive style.

Amongst the mutterings have also been the possible negatives of words being more difficult to recognise in books, as they are obviously not printed in a cursive style.

Ignoring all the playground-natter I decided to do a spot of interweb research, and as we are likely to be stuck with this method, seek the benefits, rather than the possible negatives.

It surprised me how different methods are applied school-by-school, but the other side of me is pleased that schools are allowed the freedom to choose.

Parents all over the country seem split on the cursive method, and its benefits.

But I found an interesting piece, listing ten benefits of cursive writing.

The crux of it to me, and as I have tried a few exercises myself, is that it is more difficult to learn to write a single letter this way, but it is much easier to write words in this way.

Longer-term I anticipate my son’s, and possibly my own, handwriting will be better for it.

I am just off to watch ‘our’ Jolly Phonics DVD, as I am a long way from my Key Stage 1 competences, that I am sure.

That dreaded call from school

2009-09-22T22:24:00.004+01:00

“Is that Ian? It’s such-and-such from school.”

Cue minor panic attack, and immense apprehension of what the next line would be.

“Max has had an accident.”

Inciting, a virtually interrupting; “Is he OK?”

“Yes, but it was quite a big one, I think he may have an upset stomach, do you want to come and get him?”

So clarification of ‘accident’, read ‘soiled oneself’, a feat I almost replicated as I took this phone call.

I was relieved in part, as I am sure Max was, but obviously very concerned about the problem I was now more informed about.

My son has never been the most efficient toilet user. The whole potty training stage is still the single most difficult, and frustrating part of my parenting experience.

Even over our summer holidays, and as school fast approached, he was having the odd ‘number two’ incident. I generally put these down to him being too busy with other stuff, not acceptable, but the reason as to why it was happening.

His diet is pretty good, which means he is regular and loose, so I was ruling out encopresis, or any other medical reason I could lay my mind on.

I also discussed it with our ever-so-friendly health visitor, who thought the same, but did come up with a couple of suggestions.

Like building sitting on the toilet into the routine, straight after meal times.

That seemed to work for the last three weeks, even as he has been at school over the past two, where I cannot ask him to sit on the toilet after lunch.

Over the last 48hrs he has just had one of those eating spates, where he has just consumed a vast amount of food – synonymous with a growth spurt – which, in turn, means he has had rather a lot to deposit.

He performed at tea time, then before bed, and after breakfast this morning.

Therefore I sent him off to school not really envisaging a problem.

However there was one, obviously, and fortunately, as I was at home just around the corner, I was quickly on the scene.

I was a little surprise to find my son in class, still with a soiled behind, but I guess schools are not responsible for children who have ‘accidents’ as they no-so-eloquently put it.

Therefore he was a little sore as I cleaned him up, and it does concern me if, there is indeed a next time, that I may be further away, thus leaving him in a state for much longer.

I also need to step up teaching him to deal with the whole process himself, but while that is true, I have a couple of year 1 children that come here, and I have been known to clean up their derrières.

So I am still a little confused as to where he should be, and how capable he should be, at his age – approaching five.

We have discussed it tonight, and he seemed reticent to advise any of the teaching staff of his problem, but I believe we have agreed that he shall sit on the toilet, after his lunch, regardless of how his stomach feels.

I have also promised to include wipes, and cream in his bag, just in case the facilities at school are the problem.

I intend to discuss this plan with his teacher in the morning, see if she will remind him of what he has agreed with his father.

Fingers crossed that this is an isolated case, and that no similar incidents ensue.

As ever, I would absolutely welcome anyone reading this of their experiences, observations and advice. The comment section is open as always, or you can contact me at contactspd (at) gmail (dot) com, if you would rather not share it with others.

I look forward to your shit stories.

Disney Pixar Monsters Inc Blu-ray Review

2009-09-21T14:08:00.002+01:00

When I was asked by the Think Parents Network if reviewing Disney Blu-ray movies may be up my street, I did not give an immediate answer.

I wanted to check on what titles I would probably be asked to review. I was aware that Disney is responsible for the High School Musical monster, and that I did not want to commit to several hours of forcing myself to watch that.

However there was one monster I was very interested in.

James P. Sullivan.

‘Sulley’ to his mates.

Monsters Inc is probably my favourite children’s film.

And Sulley was only just outside my top ten favourite movie characters.

I remember first watching this film, one late afternoon in a French chalet during a fantastic skiing holiday. There were about a dozen adults cosied up watching Sulley and Co try to scare children in their sleep, extracting screams to power their world in the process.

The place we were staying at had a slim picking of videos to choose from, but after a another full day on the slopes, going out again was not really on the agenda, so Monsters Inc. was chosen out of a perceived bad bunch, to while away a couple of lazy hours.

You know a film is excellent when you do not hear a peep out of anyone else watching it, nor does anyone get up to go to the toilet. The only interruption was our chalet ~~bitch~~ maid bringing us hot drinks and cake.

An awesome afternoon, and an awesome film.

Pity they are not all like that.

I could not exactly remember the film, and the practice of scaring to extract screams, so I was reticent to let my boy watch it straight away, I decided a personal viewing – from start-to-finish, without interruption – was absolutely necessary.

It was not really, as it is quickly clear how you can use the film as a tool to explain nightmares, and put a slant on them so as to lessen their impact, rather than send a child to bed scared of their next one.

The colours and images in this film are absolutely outstanding on the Blu-ray format, bringing me closer to believing the current premium for them is worth it, however I still believe Blu-ray disc should, or will be, more competitively priced, and I am yet to actually buy a movie in this higher definition format.

This movie, if you just let it run, starts with a very good explanation to it, and introduction to what you are about to watch.

You can quickly skip over this for repeat viewings, but I found it quite refreshing to hear one of the makers wax lyrical on the film, and to thank you for your purchase.

Some of the extras are very good too, the tour of the Monsters Inc ride of Disney Land Japan is great, but unless I can score a review gig there, I think my boy is going to be terribly disappointed.

This is definitely a movie I would recommend, and will be watching time-and-time again without complaint. My son loved it too, and it has proved a decent vehicle to discuss nightmares, and, I hope, if we ever get into the whole monsters-in-the-wardrobe dialogue.

If you need the same, you can get yours here.

I am now waiting to see if The Incredibles comes out on Blu-ray, as this is another children’s film I really enjoyed. But if Disney want my opinion on G-Force, that would not be too bad either.

Our Epic Holidays

2009-09-17T14:25:00.004+01:00

Our seven week holiday from nursery, and before the start of school, does seem like an eternity ago.

Planning for the holidays, or final planning – as in booking in stuff – started about a month before the actual holidays commenced.

I had an outline plan of what we might get up to, where we may go and who we may visit, but I did not start putting phone-to-ear, or pen-to-paper before then.

My thoughts were to put a lot into organising where we would go, and then leave what we may actually may do when we arrived there, to the day, possible a couple before or even just down to our hosts.

Within a seven week period I was expecting many hic-cups, thinking it unlikely that we would escape an illness in a two month period, either between us, or within the households we were planning on venturing to.

As it turned out the only ailment we had, was my bad back, caused by wiping ass one too many times in a caravan toilet (in stilettos apparently).

That problem only brought a minor amendment to our schedule in the end, we missed out on a trip out with all the children and parents of the nursery, but in retrospect, they had terrible weather, so we probably did not miss a great day.

But there were many great days amongst the remainder.

Finding enjoyment in the company of others, or in our own, discovering new things or revisiting some of our existing favourite places.

With the whirlwind nature of our jaunts here-and-there, it also meant that our time at home was novel, and perhaps, more enjoyable than usual.

I was thinking of what might have been my favourite day of the holiday, and finding it very difficult to choose, as there were so many highs.

It was also great reassurance, that while we would no longer get any more quiet midweek time together, that me and the boy can still have a great time, we just have to plan a bit more, or expect to be joined by bigger crowds and longer waits.

Our great times took us north to Yorkshire, and our various hosts were wonderful. We enjoyed Emley Show, some equestrian competition, tractor rides and our adventures with the Hughes were awesome too.

We have been on the Welsh coast, where we enjoyed a few jaunts out, Go-Karting together for the first time. Electric Mountain, Llechwedd Slate Caverns, surfing, wave jumping, crabbing, racing our haul, rabbit farms, ice creams on the beach and building sand castles.

The English Channel was also on the radar as we took in the south coast, courtesy of Butlins’ New Ocean Hotel. We trekked back via London, and had a couple of excellent days there.

Our time at home included a great visit to the West Midlands Safari Park – who I owe a review – there were various other parks and people visited, we went in to a forest and had visitors, big and small.

I took in the Twenty20 finals day and V Festival, and Max had separate adventures.

There were birthday parties and linked activities, for both adults and children, that all seemed bunched at the start of September (jovial Christmas conceptions, the lot of them).

So, for me, epic is the right word for our holidays.

I am grateful for every last minute of them, rather than sad they are over.

Looking forward to next year kid;

'Max and Daddy's Summer Holidays - The Revenge*'.

*It is only a working title (for the spreadsheet).

Top Five Movie Characters

2009-09-14T21:00:00.002+01:00

Continuing the countdown from my previous post, I present my top five movie characters.

It seems the boys liked my choices of ten through to six, as did a couple of girls, but I wonder if the final countdown will be as well received.

*I should again warn you of adult language*

Five

Léon played by Jean Reno in Léon

The rifle is the first weapon you learn how to use, because it lets you keep your distance from the client. The closer you get to being a pro, the closer you can get to the client. The knife, for example, is the last thing you learn.

This is a tremendous film, assassination, corruption and some very questionable relations between a fucked up girl, and a man that kills for a living. But is he living? Léon is very strange, totally withdrawn, as you might expect from your expert shoot-to-order marksman. However he warms to Matilda, and saves her from her terrible plight at the hands of her drug dealing parents, and the corrupt cop played by Gary Oldman (who is also a brilliant actor). He is such a bad ass, but I couldn't help thinking he knows right-from-wrong, and ultimately plays the maximum penalty to save a girl he has no duty to at all.

Four

The Narrator / Tyler Durden played by Edward Norton / Brad Pitt in Fight Club

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

I think Norton is absolutely superb in this, as he is in a lot of his films. Brad Pitt is no slouch either, and I particularly like his 'pikey' in Snatch, but I favour Norton in Fight Club. Blessed with many demons, and an incredible ability to repress them for the sake of IKEA furniture, this china is proper wound. Visiting crash sites and applying a formula of product recall cost versus likely compensation for fatally wounded customers, would drive me the same way. He really signifies the nasty side of the corporation, and the greed machine. He manages to create a self he aspires to be, and becomes that self, without even realising it, whilst wrestling terribly with the whole concept, certainly towards the end of the film.

Three

Melvin Udall played by Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets

You make me want to be a better man.

That is a killer line, in a killer film. This serious ailed character is constantly battling with his thoughts, his fears and general loathing of everything that exists. That is apart from Carol, the 'greatest woman on earth', Verdell (the dog), and eventually his yga neighbour, played by Greg Kinnear. Melvin is brilliant at one liners, ignoring everything put to him, and offering a different, and often unwelcome opinion, at any given opportunity. His noodle salad monologue during the road trip has me laughing before he finishes it. And the way he cuts his female fan down in the publishers lift is also top class. I used to refer to the better man line, as a compliment to my late wife, and I still do. As even after her passing, she makes me want to strive to be that better man. Killer line. Killer film.

Two

Gordie Lachance played by Wil Wheaton / Richard Dreyfuss in Stand by Me

Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood.

This was a very close call for the top spot, and that says a lot about Gordie Lachance. I love this kid, totally underestimated by everyone apart from his three close friends, and especially Chris, who sees everything he could be. His family, grieving from the loss of their all-action college hero football eldest (played by another awesome actor in John Cusack), virtually ignore Gordie, and his 'different talents', and the fact that he has lost the most important person in the world to him too. This kid is strong, strong as an ox (that dude lived to tell the tale of a leech on his cock), and not to be fucked with. Brave, but not stupid. He values his friendships, makes the right call all the time, and acts beyond his years, while still being able to enjoy himself as a kid. His story craft, of the pie eating contest, is a marvellous little side track, in what is an absolute masterpiece for me.

My number One

Luke Skywalker played by Mark Hamill in Star Wars (Episodes IV, V & VI)

It's not impossible. I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home, they're not much bigger than two meters.

Luke has seen some shit too, yet he is still ridiculously optimistic and beautifully naive. I mean he is an orphan, or thinks he is any way, his adoptive parents treat him like a slave, then they get murdered too, but still, moments later, he's blindly putting his faith in Old Ben Kenobi, and a Force he knew little of, only hours before (I may be taking that straight from the Family Guy version). It's a good job no one told him his twin sister was fostered in to a life as a Princess at that point, but he never even appears pissed when he learns of that news. He does appear a little miffed when he learns that indeed he is not an orphan. “On the plus side Luke your father is alive, on the downside, it's Darth Vader, you know the fella you're bringing your best shit against, yeah him, don't know if this is good or bad news really.” He is borderline crazy positive. And do you know why? Why? Because none of it matters when there is a Empire to defeat. Luke only deals in shit like that. Sure, there are way cooler characters in Star Wars, way funnier too, but are any of them real heroes? Luke is selfless, and instantly loyal and trusting. Plus his leather jacket at the end of Episode IV, when he is receiving his award for destroying the Death Star, is quite simply a must have. I have even modelled my haircut on him. The force is immense in this one, and he's my number one.

I have really enjoyed putting this list together, so a thanks again to Dan the Man. And I think I would like to pass this challenge, and hopefully enjoyment, on to the following;

Avitable = Because I'd love to read his list, and frankly, he needs stuff to do.
SciFi Dad = Because I think I know what his number one would be.
Violet Posy = As she causes me so much pain, about time I returned some (and as she's injured at the moment, this will definitely give her some).
Joner = To she if she lists the entire cast from Weekend at Bernie's.
Kevin Spencer = As he agrees with me, so it will be a simple cut and paste job.
Zoe's Dad = Because this might push him closer to getting the movie queue wotsit.
Dumdad = Because he thought of the ones, that I am pissed I missed.
Jeff = Because like the previous, he was daft enough to comment on part I.
The Jelly Monster = Because she volunteered, and I am sure we will enjoy reading her choices.

My insincere apologies if you've done this before, detest being tagged or can't be bothered. I look forward to reading your lists.