Total Eagle

the least enticing subject line ever

2008-08-05T01:44:00.002-04:00

Benjamin Creme

2008-07-26T20:01:00.002-04:00

I saw this poster when I was in San Francisco last weekend. I can't think of a better alias than "Benjamin Creme".

How To Make a Scorpio Fall in Love With You

2008-07-25T00:03:00.006-04:00

This was super fun — an instructional video I did with my friend Meg. I got to overturn not one but two tables, once in front of small children. And the world gets to see how horribly pale I am. Enjoy! By the way, I'm not actually a Scorpio.

Grown by frogs, for frogs

2008-07-11T18:55:00.003-04:00

Every time I go to Rainbow Falafel, they have some absurd brand of tomatoes. Last time, it was "Hawk's Pride" — this time, "Frogmore".

Self-Defense For Women

2008-07-02T21:38:00.003-04:00

Lesson 1: How to stop a man from humping your foot.

too soon?

2008-06-21T16:27:00.004-04:00

I found this flyer on the ground a couple days ago. The Minnesota Bridge collapse is a perfect metaphor for a failing marriage. Both can be caused by decades of neglect, slow corrosion, and deterioration of steel structural elements.

Hawk's Pride

2008-06-11T13:55:00.003-04:00

That hawk is about to sink his talons into a pretty juicy-looking tomato. I'd be proud too.

Over The Top

2008-06-03T14:39:00.003-04:00

My friend Mike Still said that he hoped that "a network photoshops Barack and Hillary armwrestling and shows it tonight with the caption 'Over the Top.'"

I went the easy route and used a poster from the movie.

it Depends

2008-05-12T14:15:00.002-04:00

A picture of my bike as I run a few errands around town.
By "errands", I mean shoplifting adult diapers and trying to sell them on the street.

somebody please make this movie

2008-05-01T23:08:00.003-04:00

(edit: I should start googling shit before I post -- looks like someone already did a pretty good mashup of these two trailers. I still stand behind my photoshop job though.)

What you did not know about New York City

2008-04-24T00:17:00.004-04:00

There are a lot of things you don't know about New York City, even if you've lived here all your life.

Were you aware that legally, animals may and often do own property here?

Did you know that the random pair of shoes you see on the street may be an advertisement for a Doo Wop groups seeking new members?

Did you have knowledge of the fact that the bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich you love so much may have arrived at the deli in liquid form?

I'm fairly certain that you did not know these things.

Please visit my new blog, Little-known facts about New York City, for more amazing ~~and completely true~~ information.

Garfield Minus Garfield

2008-03-17T15:32:00.006-04:00

equals the best comic strip on earth.

Controversial video

2008-02-29T12:51:00.001-05:00

This is the video that Channel 102 was afraid to show at their monthly screening. They thought the public wasn't ready to hear the truth about the New York City Subway system.

*** update: Channel 101: NY (formerly Channel 102) has yielded to popular demand and agreed to screen Beyond Fact. The screening is Monday, March 2 at 7:00pm and 8:30 pm at Pianos in New York. Details here. Please come out and vote for our show, so we can continue freak people out with the truth. ***

**** update update: The first episode of Beyond Fact received enough votes to come back for a second month. Over the coming weeks, Rory, Craig and I will be uncovering another earth-shattering conspiracy to reveal to the public. Stay tuned to the Channel 101: NY site for details about the next screening ****

Satan is real

2008-02-26T00:15:00.002-05:00

Proof here, from NPR.

today's guest blogger: Emily Litella

2008-02-22T11:06:00.008-05:00

Los Angeles Times: Gray wolves will be fair game for hunters in parts of the northern Rocky Mountains after federal officials announced they would be taken off the endangered species list.

What's all this I hear about gay wolves being hunted? If a wolf wants to live his life as a homosexual, it's nobody's business but his own. To hunt them down because of their sexual orientation is just plain wrong, and I urge you all to write your congressman to demand equal rights all wolves, whether they're gay or lesbian or anything else. Thank you.

please read sarcasm into this

2008-01-28T11:46:00.000-05:00

I was just going through my work e-mail Drafts folder looking for something, and came across an old e-mail I never sent for whatever reason, and which I do not remember composing. Reading it now, I would like to think that the tone was totally sarcastic -- but sadly, I'm quite certain that it was not.

hi Dave;
Thanks much for the comprehensive update on where our publishing software is headed. We're excited to move into the next phase of content management.

I want to point out that I was never actually excited to move into any phase of content management.

I may already know too much

2008-01-25T18:23:00.000-05:00

For whatever reason, I get a fair number of messages mistakenly sent to my Gmail account. They're usually really boring: a registration notice from a community college in Southern California, some real estate crap from Ohio, etc.

I got an interesting one yesterday, though -- one that made me think I could get swept up into some kind of North By Northwest-style misunderstanding.

To: [redacted]@gmail.com
From: dispatch@[redacted].com
Subject: deepak
Date: January 24, 2008 12:41:51 AM EST

DEREK
I TRIED SEVERAL TIME TO CALL DEEPAK TO SEE WHAT TIME HE WAS GOING TO BE HERE WITH THE STERLING HTS LOAD FOR JIM BUT IT SEEMS AS IF WE HAVE THE WRONG CELL PHONE NUMBER FOR HIM AS I COULD NOT REACH HIM. HOPEFULLY HE IS HERE BEFORE JIM GETS HERE IN THE AM I KNOW THE ROADS WERE A LITTLE SLICK BUT HE SHOULD HAVE MADE IT BACK BEFORE I WENT HOME OR AT LEAST CALLED ME IF HE WAS GOING TO BED DOWN FOR THE NIGHT SO I KNEW WHAT TIME TO TELL JIM TO BE HERE
JIM COMING IN AT 5AM TO TAKE LOAD IN CASE IT IS HERE

This all seems to work out a little too neatly for Jim, if you ask me. He shows up at 5, the "Sterling HTS load" isn't there yet, and nobody suspects him of anything. If Deepak had a load to deliver, wouldn't he at least give a call if he was running late or had to "bed down" somewhere? Something is definitely fishy.

Anyway, if I suddenly disappear along with Deepak, I'd start the inquiry with Jim and Derek.

unusual candor from the MTA

2008-01-20T18:24:00.001-05:00

dark breakthrough

2008-01-16T15:32:00.000-05:00

Gothic scientists have made a huge step forward.

"FFREE COFEE"

2008-01-07T22:54:00.000-05:00

Who says there's no such thing as a ffree cofee?

just so you know where my head is at today

2007-10-26T12:14:00.001-04:00

please do not take the bread with the hands

2007-10-08T23:21:00.000-04:00

Take the other bread -- the bread that doesn't have hands.

internet trouble

2007-09-26T22:28:00.001-04:00

Sorry I haven't been posting much. I've been having some trouble stealing my asshole neighbor's internet.

I will kick your ass

2007-08-17T20:03:00.001-04:00

I just made this in Powerpoint.

Mel Torme in Brooklyn Rampage

2007-08-08T16:43:00.001-04:00