Drink at Work

Weirdest Comment Yet on "I Am Drugs: Heroin"

2009-11-03T12:48:00.001-05:00

From whatzupa:

"These latinamericans with their 'maintain the rage against the white man' attitude better shut up, we can see you."

I Am Drugs: Heroin

Gamedians.com - Ep. 103 - "Halo Wars"

2009-10-30T03:10:00.000-04:00

Dan and Andrew review "Halo Wars" for the XBox 360 but spend most of the episode fighting about the cover art on the box.

Gamedians.ocm is a video gaming blog written and updated by comedians Andrew DeWitt and Dan Bialek. Check out more comedy and reviews at: http://gamedians.com

What Will Idiots Be Wearing This Halloween

2009-10-29T12:06:00.010-04:00

Every year idiots across America bash their heads together and make powerfully moronic decisions that affect everyone around them for an entire night--and most of the next morning during which they will probably be vomiting up lite beers and hot wings.

You need to be prepared to deal with them. And Drink At Work is here to help with our 2009 'Avoid The Idiots' Halloween Primer.

The last couple years we've dealt mainly with the sexy cat phenomenon that never fails to ensnare a major portion of the female costumer crowd. This year, we're focusing on the male half of this sadness equation.

The average male idiot's Halloween costume choice is usually based around whatever movies or TV shows were popular earlier that year. For instance, when Gladiator (this one, not this one) came out, I remember seeing a group of idiots dressed as a legion of Praetorian guards the following Halloween, led by a costumed General Maximus (also an idiot--the guy in the costume, not Maximus).

However idiotic though, they were at least thorough and consistent in their portrayals...too consistent. They marched in unison down the NARROW sidewalks of L.A., refusing to break ranks on pain of one of them yelling "Dude, get back in line," jostling everyone out of their way.

But sometimes morons make slightly more whimsical choices regarding their costumes, no less idiot-sidious though than their pop culture counter parts. Thus, as the Roman Legion trotted down Santa Monica Blvd., they came across a different (but all too similar) group of idiots who had dressed up as one big package of Lunchables.

Sound cute? Stop and think about how much time and effort must go into creating an outfit that can fit 4-5 guys. The painting alone probably took a day. A WHOLE DAY TO PAINT A BUNCH OF BOXES AND PLASTIC SO YOU COULD LOOK LIKE A PREPACKAGED CHILDREN'S MEAL.

Who has that kind of time?

Idiots. That's who.

So without further ado, we present to you the top five costumes that male idiots will be wearing this year.

1. Transformers -- but the morons who dress up as them won't even dress as classic Auto bots or Decepticons. They'll be dressed as those retarded Pharoah-bots that Bay shat into the script as a nod to Egyptology. To anyone who wears this apocrypha, I Imenhopetep you all die.

2. Paul Blarts: Mall Cops -- you better believe that there are millions of fat idiots out there just waiting to trip over wires, take prat falls, and generally cause (to them) hilarious mayhem. They're coming. Feel free to mace them. Not Mace®. Use the knight's weapon and cave their stupid frakking heads in.

Speaking of frakking...

3. Cylons -- Oh, no, not the cool robotic Centaurian Cylons...nope. The frak for brains in question are usually big thick-necked dudes who would think it the height of wit to dress up as the sexy blonde haired Caprica. If you see a big guy and his pals all dressed up as Caprica's or as any of the other female Cylons...you have my permission to dump them into deep space. Or failing that, to make them cry until their make up runs.

4. Wild Things -- The anthropomorphic monster-child Carol will lose all its/her/his nostalgic charm as duos of over sized dudes all across the nation turn this lead Wild Thing into what is essentially the new horse costume. According to the manner in which I've already seen two groups of dudes designing their suits, each of the Carols you will see walking around on Halloween will resemble nothing so much as a short, fat Chinese New Year's dragon, instead of a simple upright monster. But in their defense, a lot of these guys are sharing a brain, so maybe sharing a costume makes sense. Two halves, half a brain each, and lots and lots of forced innuendo. Get ready for charming lines like this, ladies, when the two halves of the costume go their separate ways to troll for some strange:

"Hey, I can't find my top. Can I have yours instead?"

Puke, rinse, repeat.

5. Rorschach and Dr. Manhattan -- It's a tie, folks. Whether or not you liked the adaptation of the Watchmen is irrelevant. What is relevant is that guys like pretending to be bad ass superheroes on Halloween. And there were no more brightly costumed characters than those from The Watchmen this year. For shear badassitude, Rorschach is going to be a big hit with smaller, lonely guys who fancy that they too could make the tough choices Rorschach had to, if that is they were ever in a situation in which their keen detective and combat skills (which don't exist) were called for. But in terms of self congratulatory-ocity, Dr. Manhattan will provide the too-in-shape crew with a chance to walk around nearly naked, with one another, covered in blue paint and all pretending to be the same guy. If with all the teams of multi-Dr. Manhattans the circumstances for a tragic gang sex act aren't ripe this Halloween, well, then I don't know what's happened to this country.

Our only hope, America, is that the acrylic paint used by the Dr. Manhattan's of the night is an irritant to the skin, and if we're real lucky, accidentally seals shut their pee-holes forever. Man can't pee, he can't fight. You know who said that? The bad guy in Karate Kid. Even now, the 80's continue to give.

Happy Halloween from all of us at Drink At Work, and remember our holiday motto: "Don't be an asshole."

DRINKING IN L.A. — HALLOWEEN IN HOLLYWOOD

2009-10-29T09:15:00.003-04:00

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a town specializing in entertainment and make-believe throws down pretty frickin' hard-core when Halloween comes rolling around. Seriously, these people are sick. I don't think I can keep up. Nor do I think I want to.

NO PRIOR KNOWLEDGE: MODERN FAMILY

2009-10-29T02:04:00.001-04:00

How much diversity can ABC cram into this show? Not enough! And even if they could, not on my gay robot, half-clone younger latina wife watch!

DRINK AT WORK'S ECO TIPS

2009-10-28T14:13:00.003-04:00

Last week we talked about how since cats are immortal you can use them as tiny pack animals over and over again, never feeding them, which saves on money and helps save Our Mother.

This week we return to the discussion of Solar Energy, and where it comes from. Well, though you wouldn't know it, the sun is pretty bright, and because it's so bright the only place safe enough for it is in Space, which is above America. While the distance from America to Space can be quite a walk, light travels a lot faster than us (at least on foot, har har!). It can go over 300 miles and hour. And that's without a car. LMFAO!

Nevertheless, there are several ways to harness the amazing power of this fundamental "dark matter" as solar energy is sometimes called. One of these ways is through a machine called the car battery.

It's easy. Attach the sun to a solar panel, then wire that panel to a car battery, clamp the jumper cables onto your eyeballs, then you're done! Your body will have all the energy it will ever need and you'll never have to eat any of that pesky food again.

See you next week!

Yours,
The Eco Team
@
Drink At Work

Misfortune Cookies

2009-10-28T13:08:00.000-04:00

Office Overhearsions™

2009-10-27T14:19:00.002-04:00

"Well, last time it took two or three months to get here...from Japan or some shit."

"We better order it now, then."

"Yeah, you think?"

Please visit our newest sponsor: THE JAM VAN

2009-10-27T10:00:00.001-04:00

The Jam Van Motto: ALL KIDS LOVE JAM!

Directions:
The Jam Van is located off DIRT PATH, approximately one block from CAVE.

And remember all of you kids from ages 4 to 9, The Jam Van never closes. How could it? Jam can't sleep!

So if you have a late night hankering for some jam, just feel free to head on down to the creek and start the negligible 3 mile jaunt to your favorite untrackable, mobile source for delicious fruity jams.

No consent forms needed! Free cigarettes!

Drink At Work Presents: Incorrect Use of the Montage #1

2009-10-26T13:56:00.005-04:00

New James Bond XBOX 360 Game: Even My Watch Gets Laid

2009-10-26T11:39:00.002-04:00

Gamedians.com - Ep. 102 - "Full Disclosure"

2009-10-23T16:37:00.001-04:00

Dan and Andrew come clean about where they've been getting the video games for their reviews.

Gamedians is a video gaming blog written and updated by comedians Andrew DeWitt and Dan Bialek. Check out their site and reviews at: http://gamedians.com

NO PRIOR KNOWLEDGE: THE FORGOTTEN

2009-10-23T11:56:00.002-04:00

Q. How many bodies does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Shhhh...the way is shut to the living.

Office Overhearsions™

2009-10-22T14:38:00.001-04:00

Co-Worker 1
"Who's the spay or neuter your pets guy?"

Co-Worker 2
"Bob Barker."

Co-Worker 1
"Yeah, man, Bob Barker. Bob Barker's a pimp! Is he still alive or anything?"

Office Overhearsions(TM)

2009-10-22T12:31:00.001-04:00

Office Manager: If you saw how much coffee I have to keep stocked, you'd be amazed. People here are drinking way too much of it these days. You know?

Temp: It's the economy I think.

Office Manager: What about it?

Temp: Yeah, I guess I don't know really.

DRINKING IN L.A. — SWAG BAG

2009-10-22T09:12:00.004-04:00

You know who loves getting free stuff? I love getting free stuff. Join me now as I take a walk down Free Stuff Memory Lane. It's in an up-and-coming community.

Misfortune Cookies

2009-10-20T10:00:00.002-04:00

Gamedians.com - Ep. 101 - "Gay Medians"

2009-10-19T13:00:00.002-04:00

In this episode Dan and Andrew discuss the origin of the name "Gamedians."

Gamedians.com is a comedy video gaming blog written and updated by comedians Andrew DeWitt and Dan Bialek.

Fake Rockstar's guide to why we hate you™

2009-10-19T09:35:00.004-04:00

Despite a visible disapproval for the Balloonboy conspiracy, you all fail to realize that the continued coverage/tweets/public forums on the subject only fuel the ever-increasing reality of a TLC Balloonboy reality series.

And by forcing us to point it out on our blog, you've made us hypocrites.

So double hate on you for a Monday.

Words, Lies and Cheap Mugs of SHUT THE HELL UP,

-FRS

Drink at Work's Weekend Picks™

2009-10-16T12:49:00.014-04:00

Time once again, for Drink at Work's Weekend Picks™. It's effin' cold out there this weekend, so between bundling your bundle and cuddling your, uh... Cuddle, you don't have the time to decide what movie to watch while toasting your toast.

I'll stop now.

Drink at Work's Weekend Picks™: Wrapping your entertainment choices in a warm, toasty taco of funny.

Really, I'm done. Here are this week's picks...

The Stepfather (1987) and Mike Birch's One-Man Hamlet
Picked by Carol

I'm giving you two picks this week because I do what I want, Felix.

First up, one of the great thriller slasher films from the '80s, The Stepfather. I know there's a big, splashy remake opening this weekend, but I only have one question for you: does it star Terry O'Quinn in the titular role? No? Then rent the original instead. I've probably had more nightmares featuring Terry O'Quinn than anyone else, thanks to this movie. Added bonus, the movie also stars the underrated and oft-forgotten Jill Schoelen, who was doing the whole black hair with bangs thing decades before Zooey Deschanel, thank you very much.

My second pick is for those local to NYC who like things that are good. Our pal Mike Birch, one of the most talented guys in the New York comedy community and former Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions cast member, is in the midst of a Sunday residency at Theater Under St. Mark's where he is performing his One-Man Hamlet. Inhabiting some 18 different characters over the course of 90 minutes, Birch brings to life the delightful concept piece once imagined by Kevin Kline in the film Soap Dish: "See, my, my theory is that all the characters are Hamlet, it's all happening in Hamlet's head. So you only need one actor." I plan to check this out this weekend as I'm told Birch's tour de force performance, directed by the equally talented Bricken Sparacino, is a theater experience not to be missed.

Sundays at 7 pm
October 18, 25 & Nov 1

Under St. Mark’s Theater
94 St. Mark’s Place (1st and A)

Tickets $10 at the box office 1/2 hour before the show
Doors open at 6:40 so you can come early for live pre-show music
provided by Eric Chercover!

Where the Wild Things Are
Picked by Ned
From talking to other folks who have seen this already, people either absolutely adore it or demand the fake-crowned head of Spike Jonze on a platter. Well you know what? I loved it. Probably because I was a spazz as a kid, and I have yet to see a movie that better exemplifies childhood spazziness. And this is coming from someone who can't stand Dave Eggers. So yeah.

But I understand if you're hesitant, given the obvious twee factor. So, instead of blowing eight to fourteen bucks on seeing the movie, you could create your own immersive Spike Jonze presents Maurice Sendak's Apex of Your Childhood experience thusly: Get two iPods, one playing a mix of Arcade Fire, Sufjan Stevens and Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the other playing an audiobook of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, put on some footie PJs, grab a teddy bear and pretend it said something neglectful to you, then cry. Voilà.

Or, just go see Zombieland again. That shit is fantastic.

Paranormal Activity
Picked by Sean

While "Father Issues" Hartsell wants you to waste your $12 on a remake, my advice is to enjoy a movie that evokes the spirit of the Halloween season. I'm of course speaking of "Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs." It's the nightmare tale of a world in which the laws of condensation and precipitation are freed from the mooring of traditional physics. In the world of CWACOM, meatballs and just about any other food can now rain down upon humanity at the whim of a mad climatologist and crush anybody at any time. "There is no running from the sky you asshole fuck faces!" exclaims the scientist, as an endless deluge of Hot Pockets pours down, killing thousands of unsuspecting members of Weight Watchers who had shown up because they'd been promised it would rain healthier Lean Cuisine dinners.

This film, for it is A FILM, is about to join the ranks of our nation's most prestigious horror cinema classics made for children, the most famous of which is as you know the painfully candid "The Case of the Murder of Your Parents Who Hated You Anyway On Hot Teen Sex Street."

Wait a minute. I made a lie. Ok, so I also have two picks. I'm either going to see "Paranormal Activity" or "Capitalism: A Love Story."

They both have an important lesson to teach: 1. That ghosts are assholes and 2. That people who are still in favor of a totally unregulated economy even though we've just gone through a horrible recession due to such beliefs which were put into practice by ideological conservatives... are assholes.

At least ghosts can't vote.

(Yet)

Law Abiding Citizen
Picked by Corey

Since Ned stole my pick and I couldn't find anything new with Jen Connelly (That's right, we're on a shortened first name basis now), I pick Law Abiding Citizen. Gerard Butler stars as a nice guy who watches his family murdered during a home invasion and then watches as the guy who did it gets off easy. This all causes our nice guy to murder the murderers and then murder everyone who put him in prison for the murdering of the aforementioned murderers.

As a struggling, broke and broken cartoonist/comedy writer who continues to grasp onto the dying newspaper comic industry while watching helplessly as "Social Media Gurus" make millions because they can quip in less than 140 characters, this movie speaks to me.

From a Sociological stand point, I mean.

What?

Don't know what to do with your "movie bucks" each week? Check in with Drink at Work every (almost) Friday and we'll tell ya where to spend your hard-earned entertainment dollar. And we'll mean it.

Office Overhearsions(TM)

2009-10-15T15:12:00.000-04:00

MAN ON BLUETOOTH: No. No I will not. (Pause) Ok. I’m with you on that. (Pause) See that’s where you lose me, with your contrary opinions.

NO PRIOR KNOWLEDGE: THE GOOD WIFE

2009-10-15T14:45:00.001-04:00

This show will be good. I did not poop on it. I did however pick away at a few small, niggling omissions. Don't forget--you can reduce your own omissions by turning off the lights when you begin shooting your tv show.

DRINKING IN L.A. — THE TRAVEL JUNKET

2009-10-15T09:14:00.005-04:00

What happens when a movie studio spends a lot of money flying me out to a fabulous location to see their new movie and talk to the filmmakers? Certainly I can maintain my objectivity about said movie, right? Right? I mean, what am I? Some sort of whore who can be bought with truffle fries and in-room massages?

Yes. Yes, I am.

Love Is Dead - Ep. 01

2009-10-14T21:22:00.000-04:00

"It's Not Mine."

Office Overhearsions(TM)

2009-10-14T13:10:00.002-04:00

Worker Leaving: Dude, I’m out.

Co-Worker: See you Monday.

Worker Leaving: Not on my watch.