DivaSparkles ACTIVATE!

Did you know?!

2008-07-06T12:08:00.001-05:00

Did you know that coloring goddess Sonia Oback is Mike Choi's IRL girlfriend?!

Newsarama teaches me many things. They've been dating for 5 years!

...

...

Ah, shut up. I'm trying to do something comic-y. I'll just go listen to my Cascada CD for the 123rd time again. At least I thought it was interesting.

Dazzler Songbook: Let's Get G.A.Y.!

2008-07-06T11:45:00.002-05:00

This is my new jam! WARNING: This song is known to induce homosexuality.

Geri Halliwell: G.A.Y.

I'm BAAAACK!

2008-07-06T11:40:00.004-05:00

And I see that jester hasn't posted a lick in my absence! Foul! I need to do something comic-y, but all the books are boring me.

Well, that's not true. I'm just not motivated. Vacation makes me feel an inner light and love within myself so I've been sparing Dreamboat CC and CC-heir apparent Mike Carey my wrath on the trifecta of TERRIBLE: New Exiles, GeNext, and X-MEN: LEGACY!!!

But I'll review some of the better stuffs like X-Factor, Uncanny, and *GASP!* Ultimate X-Men later this week.

And what's up with the creepy gnome reading The Holy Bible known as Essential Dazzler, you ask? My mom got this garden gnome and took a bunch of creepy photos of him tanning on the beach, standing in the surf, and even posed him with us while we were SLEEPING. Creep.

I'd rather wake up with Dreamboat CC canoodling with me than that creepy freaky gnome.

The Illustrious Jim McCann... now a writer?!

2008-06-27T22:44:00.004-05:00

Well spank me with pleasure... and right before a week's vacay, too!

From Newsarama:

- What If? House of M looks at "What if Scarlet Witch said 'No More Powers?'" The story is being co-written by Brian Reed and McCann himself. "It's the day after, and there are no superpowers in the Marvel universe, so that leaves Iron Man as the only one to defend us," Reed said.

The Gods hear our tribute! Jim McCann! Yay! And Brian Reed had wanted to use Dazzler in Ms. Marvel before Dreamboat CC snatched her up and replaced her with Al Blair.

This is exciting news! I am tres excited, even if this is just a What If?!

Props to McCann! Hail!

Dazzler URBAN LEGENDS!

2008-06-27T10:50:00.004-05:00

Brian Cronin has featured a veritable joygasm of Dazzler History via Comics Should Be Good (CBR).

In it you learn about...

Jim Shooter's film treatment for Dazzler... featuring CHER and DONNA SUMMER?!

Dreamboat CC did NOT create Dazzler, contrary to his freakisly loyal minions' LIES?!

Was Dazzler supposed to be the 5th member of X-Factor and not Jean Grey!?!

So click that above link and be DAZZLED!

I'm going on vacay for a week. So pester Jester to keep posting the goods in my absence. I'll review some stuff when I get back. I've been lazy, and I feel I lose bits of my soul when I review New Exiles.

Do svedaniya!

Al Blair and Stroke Girl's Love Theme

2008-06-26T16:23:00.003-05:00

I have decided Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" is the official of love theme of "New Excalibur"'s star crossed lovers Al Blair and Stroke Girl. In my mind, this would be their duet in "Die By The Sword: The Musical", performing it together when they reunite with Thunderbird and Longshot.

I'm rather surprised at Perry's success with the song, especially since it has recently become the 1,000th number one single of the rock era on the Billboard Hot 100. Quite an achievement for "I Kissed A Girl (Al Blair and Stroke Girl's Love Theme)" I would say. I like the song though, and it's less successful precursor "Ur So Gay", which could be Dazzler's break-up song with Longshot at the end of the musical.

Anyway, here are music videos to make this post complete:

"I Kissed A Girl (Al Blair and Stroke Girl's Love Theme)"

I KISSED A GIRL - KATY PERRY (MUSIC VIDEO)
Uploaded by spidey502

"Ur So Gay (Dazzler and Longshot's Break-Up Song)"

Katy Perry - Ur So Gay
Uploaded by webcastr

Pure Beauty

2008-06-22T01:41:00.004-05:00

Who is this gorgeous creature? Is it one of the local townfolk from Deliverance chasing down poor Ned Beatty?

No!

It's Longshot from the upcoming issue of X-Factor!

I said I hated PAD with a hot passion!!! for destroying the Dazzalanche by incorporating Longshot into a title before the Diva was announced for Uncanny.

But after seeing hot Dodson Dazzler, and now this fugmess by Stroman, I feel a bit vindicated.

Pity the book though. How much it's changed.

Uplifting Moment!

2008-06-22T01:41:00.003-05:00

Baba Yetu from Civilization IV.

This song is interspliced with creations of several World Wonders. It just makes me joyous over the accomplishment of the human experience. I'm so new age! Get me a crystal pendant!

And hide this video from Dreamboat CC. You just know he loves shit like this for New Exiles.

Importance: Know Thy Geography

2008-06-17T23:53:00.003-05:00

Bitches, I know most of you are American.

And I know most of you know jack all about geography. But let me tell you something. This shit is your Golden Ticket to the candy factory:

So here's a little DivaSparkle insider tip.

Know yo' damn geography!

You have a hot Greek date? How about Dominican? Pakistani?!

Dazzle him with your knowledge about the home country and your golden ticket is written! "Oh! You're from Trinidad and Tobago? Have you ever been to Venezuela, then?" SOLD! Free sexytimes. Or at least a guaranteed second date.

"Oh... India?! North or South? Have you been to Amritsar?" FREE FUNTIMES!

Seriously. Work those angles. LEARN YO' DAMN MAP! It will pay off in the end. Learn neighboring countries, key cities, local culture -- the works. It pays. off.

If teachers said that this shit mattered in elementary school maybe we wouldn't be so dumb on geography in America. And while it may not mean much on a resume, it sure counts on the dating scene.

Trust.

Learn yo' shit.

Supergirl.

2008-06-17T19:14:00.001-05:00

Really catchy song by Saving Jane.

Great summer driving song!

Disco Bigots - A Brief Rant

2008-06-15T19:34:00.004-05:00

I fucking love disco music.

Disco music is black. It's Latino. It's white. It's gay. It's straight. It's female. It's male.

Disco is transcendent. It's fun. It's pleasure.

And it irritates me when people make blanket claims about hating disco. Quesada's latest venture in fail has rubbed me the wrong way and a certain comic forum isn't helping my disposition on the matter.

It's time for me to make a possibly stupid statement.

Most haters of disco are probably straight white men, or at least two of those things, who enjoy music only by similar men though maybe a song when they think the female singer would look good giving them a blowjob. It's all about the rock or the country or whatever, because that's more real somehow - it's not like Disco didn't have artists like Donna Summer who could out sing plenty of singers in those genres or full bands supporting the sound with strings and drums and rhythms and piano. Oh no.

What is so abject about disco? Is it the debauched associations of its club home? As opposed to dirty rock clubs and country bars? Is it questionable talent - something every genre has? Or is it the dominance of minorities, gays and women in forefront positions and themes from those groups being incorporated into hit songs. Donna Summer's female orgasm. Constant cries for EVERYONE to get down on the floor, not just het-white couples?

What is it?

Seriously, I am enraged for disco. Disco is supreme. Supreme, bitches.

How Marvel Comics Missed the Boat

2008-06-15T15:39:00.002-05:00

Eat it Quesada!

4 Tony noms. And I bet Xanadu will take some!

Ready to make that Baz Lurhmann style Dazzler movie yet? I bet even Adam Shankman of Hairspray fame would direct.

Ooo! Amanda Bynes!

A Very Special Message: What the FRICK Is Up With Joe Quesada?!

2008-06-15T11:16:00.003-05:00

Public Enemy Number 1: Joe Quesada.

What in the holy hell is his problem? I swear he's dropping acid tablets or something:

"You ARE going to see Dazzler, but in UNCANNY, not ASTONISHING. In the end, no matter what I tried, I couldn't prevent this. As for Lila, there are no current plans, but you never know. And let me just say that my dislike of Dazzler strictly comes from my hatred of disco."

1. Never mention Dazzler and Lila Cheney together ever again.

2. And this is a long #2.

What the hell kind of bass-ackward logic is this? I mean really. Quesada has never been shy of his crazy anti-Dazzler ravings -- hell, he told me before he couldn't stand disco music which is why he couldn't read the Dazzler series -- but this is just some macho chest-beating crap in a can.

"No matter what I tried I couldn't prevent this?"

What in the holy name of Dazzletini is this crackrock man on? If that, my friends, isn't the epitome of "Ol' Boys Club" circle-jerking about "HA! LAME!" I don't know what is.

Second. If Joe Quesada believes that his comics sing to him, he needs to lay off the amphetamines. What next? "And let me just say that my dislike of Colossus strictly comes from my hatred of Russian accents?"

LOGIC DOES NOT FOLLOW.

Oy vey! This isn't about "disco" music. He admits he never even read the solo series -- one of Marvel's only and few successful female solo titles. This is about men v. women, straight v. gay market demographics. In a world where Ghost Rider and Blade -- two of the most cliche, chest-beating, "I am so manly!!!" properties get several attempts to try and fail in the overly saturated "boyz r so cool!" mainstream comic market, Dazzler is somehow a character that needs to be prevented from not just a solo project -- but a team ensemble?!

Because you don't like a musical genre when you're working in print media?

This is by far the crackrocks award of the day. Total, total BS.

Gotta Tell You 2008 - Dazzler Worthy?

2008-06-15T09:44:00.003-05:00

About 8 years ago, Samantha Mumba launched herself on the pop music scene with "Gotta Tell You." This year, she's signed a new label deal with low rent dance label AATW - the UK home of Dannii "Lois London" Minogue - and is releasing a 2008 remix of her debut by Micky Modelle. Now, I'm not quite sure about it being Dazzler Songbook worthy - I think the classic Mindchime mix of it from 2000 might be disco-riffic enough - but I think I like the new mix and love the video.
Feedback, people, is Gotta Tell You 2008 worthy of entry into the Dazzler songbook, even if as a b-side?

Anyway, I'm going to attempt a new post - perhaps a review or something - later, three Songbook entries in a row is the height of post something new! Enjoy the Mumba!

The Return Of Annie

2008-06-13T19:02:00.002-05:00

Novaya's new Dazzler songbook entry - in addition to some other things - has lifted my spirits and rejuvenated my interest in happy blogging time! So here I am with a previous Dazzler Songbook starlet - Annie - and her latest FANTASTIC musical effort "I Know UR Girlfriend Hates Me," which cranks up the sound established in "Chewing Gum" to Dazzleriffic levels. WORK IT ANNIE!

Dazzler Songbook: Robyn

2008-06-13T18:23:00.002-05:00

Robyn - Cobrastyle.

So hot. Let's get some urban techno flavor!

Ay, Que Fabulosa!

2008-06-12T21:06:00.002-05:00

Susie Garcia lives! Show results night!!!

Susie lived through the Smooth Waltz! NOW GIMME MOAR LATIN FLAVOR!

Susie can play my latina version of Dazzler. Trust.

Let's get HAPPY!

2008-06-11T22:12:00.001-05:00

Happy FEET!

I love this Medley. It's the animated penguin equivalent of Moulin Rouge!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-06-11T21:23:00.001-05:00

This is all you GET to know and all you NEED to know.

But HOLYSHIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

!!!! NERDINESS ACTIVATE!

2008-06-07T17:10:00.003-05:00

I hate the Legend of Zelda because my whoreanus of an EX loved it. Zelda is a bad stereotype of women! The game is boring!!!

But the music theme still invokes that glamour.

Besides. EXCUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS is timeless. It can be used against any adversary. Trust.

Let's Get Political.

2008-06-07T12:56:00.000-05:00

PUMA.

Ultimate X-Men 94 - REVIEW!!!

2008-06-07T00:23:00.005-05:00

KIIIIIRKMAAAAN!!!!

I thought I would let that out one more time for good measure. Catharsis and all. The therapist says it's good for me.

Ultimate X-Men is back on track everyone! Thank Jim McCann. Our prayers are answered!

Aron Coleite and Mark Brooks have been sent to us by Our Lady of Dazzletini. This is what I want in an Ultimate title!

Make no mistake! I thought the concept of a "Banshee" drug would be hella gay. And judging by the preview pages of softball, I was all AHHH! NO! THE PERVERSE VISION OF DREAMBOAT CC IS CORRUPTING MIDDLE AMERICA!

But the issue gets so much better.

Colossus is addicted to drugs to give him the big muscle. SIZE QUEEN! And we get touching flashbacks on him about his powers and his desire for zee big ahrms. Coliete understands gay issues! DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE NEVER EATEN A KEG OF PROTIEN POWER HOPING IT WOULD WORK YOU QUEENS! Colossus is just like us!

Alpha Flight steals Jean Paul!

And then 4 other X-Men join Colossus in taking Banshee. Dazzler, Angel, Rogue, and Nightcrawler.

Tres hawt. Good social commentary. Solid dilemma for infighting. And Colossus got to bitchslap JEAN GREY THAT HO!

I want to learn more about the other 4 who upped their powers. Dazzler seems to make hard-light holograms. Angel is now a giant eagle. Rogue seems to absorb not by skin but by close contact, and Nightcrawler seems to be more like Blink.

Game on. This issue, overall was great even if the beginning was GROAN.

B+! Yay Ultimate! And the art is super cute. I love the manga-infused work of Brooks.

And on the topic of drugs, I give you a clip from Captain Planet where THEIR Russian Komrade was all on some shit, too! NO LINKA! YOUR MIND IS TOO POLLUTED! Get off that Banshee!

Uncanny X-Men 498 - Review!!!

2008-06-07T00:04:00.003-05:00

I was promised this lame ass Billy Tan cover. LIES!!!

Instead I got some softcore porno CC-style bondage HOT Wolverine by sex gods Mike Choi and Sonia Oback!

Before I said that Choi's choice of having Emma rocking a slobby hairbun was sex. This issue is all about how Mike Choi and Sonia Oback made Wolverine the hottest man in comics.

Bar none.

On the cover he even has an "O" face! So sexy. Muy caliente! I am not one of those freaks that is swayed by "OMG BOOBS ON A COVER!!!" but seeing that sexy, sexy Wolverine in these pages made me almost want to make dirty with my copy. In fact I did. Which is why I couldn't scan it. EMBARRASMENT!

But Wolverine is hot.

Choi and Oback continue to make Uncanny happen. Now MIND!! St. Brubaker is doing his part.

One. He creates a storyline in which Choi can make a hot Wolverine.
Two. He continues to utilize a sexy as hell Emma Frost.
Three.

MARTINIQUE!!!

MARTINIQUE IS THE GODDESS!

Martinique is the sexiest of the Lady Masterminds. Nothing touches Martinique! Her name has an effing Q in it! THAT IS INSTA SEX.

Uncanny is so good. It's slow burning to 500, but it is so. so. so. good.

I want to see the Hippie X-Men infighting!
I want to know more about Omega Red's return!

AND MARTINIQUE!!!

My only complaint is that I fear Choi/Oback will never be able to draw Dazzler. LET THEM!!! I don't want just Land and the Dodsons doing it! I want MIKE CHOI AND SONIA OBACK DELIVERING THE DISCOSEX!

If Choi/Oback did the art on Wolverine he would become a bigger gay icon than Dazzler herself.

Watch it. This is hot.

Bru. Keep turning out the surprises.

Hearty A grade!

Oh, GURL!!!

2008-06-06T21:12:00.001-05:00

It's So You Think You Can Dance? season! This show is BEYOND amazing. Since I don't watch TV (!) I refer to this as "Show." You may not call me during Show unless it is a commercial break and ONLY for the purposes of Show commentary.

Anyway! I am already rooting for Susie Garcia. Ay, que fabulosa!

Work it, chica!

<3

OMG!!! Dazzler news! McCann delivers!

2008-06-04T19:40:00.004-05:00

Jim McCann is Our Lady of Dazzletini. He delivers! He prosthetyzes the Dazzler hating HEATHENS inside Marvel!

So there is so much Dazzler news! FIRST. X-Books Editor Axel Alonso actually discussed Dazzler after months of haranguing.

Flinkman closes out today’s X-POSITION wanting to know more about the razzle-“dazzle” the X-Men will experience shortly.

As a big fan of Dazzler, I'm just curious why you feel it’s the right time for Alison to return to the “Uncanny X-Men”? What is her motivation to join up with them again? And is her relationship with Longshot going to continue with him joining X-Factor? Oh, and thanks for giving her hair again!

Axel Alonso:
Hey Flinkman! It was mainly the right time because Matt and Ed wanted to have her on the book. Matt Fraction is slightly less obsessed with Dazzler than [Marvel Assistant Manager of Sales Communications] Jim McCann is. Her motivation is to try something new. She’s been through a ton lately and I think she wants to get back to basics. As for her and Longshot, it’s not looking good for their relationship.

BACK TO BASICS!!! NO LONGSHOT!!! YAY!

But then this sketch from the Astonishing X-Men Sketchbook appeared.

It's so way busier than what we saw on the Greg Land Uncanny X-Men #500 cover. KEEP IT SIMPLE JEEZ.

I really hope they do something about all the black.

But DAZZLER NEWS! I am rejuvinated!