tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73076642009-04-30T13:48:24.770+01:00Don't you hate it when you are not sure if a question is rhetorical or not? - <i>Christopher Howarth</i>Chrisnoreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-50452853597678565122009-03-19T21:45:00.002Z2009-03-19T21:48:42.515Z

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford :Dear Mrs. Murray,While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.Below is a list of offenses over the past few months all verified by our surveillance

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-28827565719492716682008-11-17T20:16:00.000Z2008-11-18T16:26:25.687Z

Maybe it all the financial doom and gloom, but this made me laugh for about 5 minutes. It is a geniune email exchange.

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-44820457180564716582008-07-16T10:22:00.004+01:002008-07-16T10:38:36.310+01:00

Found this on a site - it had loads of religious bullsh*t weaved into it, so I stripped that out and it is now pretty funny.Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.Never answer an anonymous letter.I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.It's lonely at

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-48238496575961157212008-06-03T13:15:00.003+01:002008-06-03T13:16:37.973+01:00

If your one of those peeeeople who find people making amusing mistakes on tv programs funny, then this will make you laugh, take a look at this. 1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother." 2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him." 3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-20071387693389531392008-05-09T10:45:00.001+01:002008-05-09T10:54:29.313+01:00

Here are some great computer programming jokes. I admit only geeks would find this stuff funny. Enjoy. 8= - - - - 8= - - - - 8= - - - - 8= - - - - 8= - - - - 8= - - - - Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, "Are you ill?" The second byte replies, "No, just feeling a bit off." 8= - - - - 8= - - - - 8= - - - - 8= - - - - 8= - - - - 8= - - - - Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks,

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-88015829794271878852008-01-15T23:18:00.000Z2008-01-15T23:39:06.798Z

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set2. A day without sunshine is, like, night3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.8. You have the right to remain silent.

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-86197262224623189362008-01-15T23:16:00.001Z2008-01-15T23:16:57.107Z

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-91454766032698443012008-01-15T23:07:00.000Z2008-01-15T23:08:11.075Z

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.1.When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.And now, the

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-62459367283049095202008-01-15T22:54:00.001Z2008-01-15T22:54:41.397Z

On your mark's computer, go to the Desktop and make a new folder.Rename the new folder to e.g. “Porn”Make a screenshotDelete the folder that you’d just createdInstall the screenshot image as a Desktop wallpaperEnjoy!

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1164646496282916742006-11-27T16:54:00.000Z2006-11-27T16:54:56.816Z

These are true stories collected from a travel agent in America.I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1164643946234453892006-11-27T16:12:00.000Z2006-11-27T16:12:26.253Z

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome thingsthat money can buy."--Tom Clancy"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."--Steve Martin"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'dbetter have a good hand."--Woody Allen"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."--Rodney

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1164643278677017812006-11-27T16:01:00.000Z2006-11-27T16:01:18.703Z

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1142853125959875732006-03-20T11:10:00.000Z2006-08-18T20:51:52.063+01:00

Haha - classic - Chav / Star Wars action!

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1142713447327427222006-03-18T20:22:00.000Z2006-03-18T20:24:07.343Z

VERY Funny : -http://www.4q.cc/index.php?pid=top100&person=chuckHere is a small sample from the above site:Fact# of VotesRating Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.1917.900 Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.637.888 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1134645997452767162005-12-15T11:15:00.000Z2005-12-16T10:14:48.160Z

Climb onto your neighbour's roof and dangle a fish on a bit of string in front of his windows. He'll think his house is underwater. Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence. Buy a television set exactly like your neighbours. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1134401770784869332005-12-12T15:35:00.000Z2006-09-01T04:11:19.776+01:00

1. Before the performance, write the words "Denmark," "Elephant", "Gray" & "Grape" on a piece of paper. Seal this paper in an envelope. Or maybe draw a picture of a grey elephant in Denmark eating grapes.2. Set the sealed envelope on a table before starting the trick.3. Ask for a volunteer from the audience and have him or her perform the following steps:4. Think of a number

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1113581025484823012005-04-15T17:02:00.000+01:002005-04-15T17:03:45.486+01:00

Complaint Letter of the Year. A real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (UK)Dear Cretins,I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up foryour 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During thisthree-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I hadnot previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidityof monolithic

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1108070462549940262005-02-10T21:20:00.000Z2005-02-10T21:21:02.550Z

This is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. I hit reload about 80 times :) http://www.kitt.net/php/film.php N Joy

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1097137287433886802004-10-07T09:20:00.000+01:002004-10-07T09:21:27.433+01:00

The Following Signs Were Posted In Various Places Around The World In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1095667744481073532004-09-20T09:09:00.000+01:002004-09-20T09:09:04.480+01:00

1. Whenever anyone says they like something of yours, no matter what, say "Thanks, I made it myself." Example: "I like your watch." "Thanks, I made it myself." This is one of those jokes that isn't quite funny enough to get a laugh, and if your family hears you tell it only two times, they will be irritated and will start to dislike you. 2. Always ask for "one of each". Example: "I'm going

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1087574575787646492004-06-18T17:02:00.000+01:002004-06-18T17:02:55.786+01:00

There are some classic jokes in this batch, I recognise some of Tommy Cooper and Peter Kay + some old groaners. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "dam" Two peanuts walk into a bar One was a salted. A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1087573959893396062004-06-18T16:52:00.000+01:002004-06-18T16:56:02.680+01:00

Best Quotes... 1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Thyroid problem? 2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. 3) My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father. 4

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7307664.post-1087554406683530462004-06-18T11:26:00.000+01:002004-06-18T11:26:46.683+01:00

"In order to assist other motorists in identifying potentially dangerous drivers, it's now compulsory for anyone with a lower than average IQ and driving ability to display a warning flag. The flag (comprising of a red cross on a white background) should be attached to the top of at least one door of their vehicle. For drivers of exceptionally low ability, additional flags are required"

Chrisnoreply@blogger.com0