ItsOverJonny.com

Quote of the Day

2009-07-10T06:00:00.000-05:00

"The Lord is my shepherd... he KNOW what I want!"

Quote of the Day

2009-07-09T06:00:00.000-05:00

"You know Spider, you're a fuckin' mumbling stuttering little prick. You know that?"

Quote of the Day

2009-07-08T06:00:00.000-05:00

"We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them."

Quote of the Day

2009-07-07T06:00:00.000-05:00

"You got to be a stupid motherfucker to get fired on your day off."

Quote of the Day

2009-07-06T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while...it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article 'A' dildo, never 'YOUR' dildo."

Quote of the Day

2009-07-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Why is it every time you talk about a female you gotta say 'BITCH', or 'HO', or 'HOOCHIE'?"

"Cuz that's what you are!"

Quote of the Day

2009-07-04T06:00:00.001-05:00

"Time to go, baby."

"Showed you a good time, huh?"

"Oh yeah. You fly. You cool."

"You're lying to me. I can always tell when people lie to me."

"I ain't lying. You're a hot dog. A regular rodeo rider. And this was the monster fuck of my young life."

Quote of the Day

2009-07-03T06:00:00.001-05:00

"It hurts doesn't it? Your hopes dashed, your dreams down the toilet. And your fate is sitting right beside you."

Quote of the Day

2009-07-02T06:00:00.003-05:00

"I want him to think that I am pondering a call, but all I'm really thinkin about is Vegas and the fuckin' Mirage."

Quote of the Day

2009-07-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Puff puff, give. Puff puff, give. You're fuckin' up the rotation."

URDUMB*American Express Company

2009-06-30T21:23:00.015-05:00

Greetings! Jonny has more spew backed up for you than a hippo on a steady diet of Velveeta, Black Bean Dip, and molasses. Just pray to the Sweet Baby Jesús, my children, that Jonny commits all of his vitriol* to paper before he gets recalled back to the factory that fucked him up in the first place.

So in today's episode of URDUMB, Jonny takes aim at American Express. In the context of The Great Credick Card Game (see previous posts), Jonny opened an account with the good folks at Amex. While Jonny is undoubtedly the Biggest of Ballers, packing a wallet full of credit cards with limits of up to $100,000.00, the keen minds at American Express saw fit to extend Jonny a meager credit limit of $2,000. Jonny was deeply insulted, but he still used the SHIT out of the Amex account nonetheless, only because Amex paid cash-back at a rate of 1.5% on ALL purchases and even more on certain purchases. Shocking - Jonny is a dirty little whore.

But in the Spring of the Year of our Lordy-Lordy 2009, things started to go horribly wrong. In the first eight months of Jonny's "Membership", he rolled close to $30,000 in purchases through that shitass piss-poor $2,000 credit line. At its peak, Jonny blew more than $10k through Amex's coffers in a single month, which means he maxed-out-and-paid-off the balance more than once a week. So I know what you are thinking - in appreciation of Jonny's patronage, Amex cupped Jonny's balls ever-so-gently and granted him the credit line that a man of his stature deserves, right? Not so much. At the end of the month where Jonny paid Amex $5,450.00 and where Jonny owed a minimum payment of $15.00 against a total balance of $674, Amex decided that it was time to CUT Jonny's credit line. That's right Kids, Amex was making too much money off of Jonny's activity, so they decided to drop Jonny's Balla Line of Credit down to $1,000.

Okay, whatever Dude. Jonny continued to go balls-deep on them, STILL maxing-out-and-paying-off his credit line more than once-a-week. But then a couple of months later, Jonny is logging in to americanexpress.com to make his usual $1k payment, and suddenly nothing is working. WTF? Oh well, probably technical difficulties, right? Not so much. The next day Jonny got the following letter:

That's right kids. CANCELED. DE-FUCKING-NIED.

So here's the deal, because Jonny is losing interest fast:

Why the FUCK would you cancel the account of someone who is paying off his ENTIRE LINE OF CREDIT EVERY FUCKING WEEK? True, Amex wasn't making any interest off Jonny, but unlike VISA/Mastercard, that's not where Amex makes their crumbs. While the discount rate that vendors are charged for VISA and Mastercard transactions are around 1.8% or so, American Express charges a WHOPPING 3.5%!!! In other words, Amex should LOVE someone like Jonny who is churning the SHIT out of his credit line while Amex skims 3.5% off the top.

Anyway, in that first year, when it was all said and done, Jonny paid American Express more than FORTY-SEVEN FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS against his pitiful, shameful, disgraceful little line of credit.

Canceled. Meh. Whatever. Good riddance and go fuck yourself, American Express!

Okay, not really. Did you REALLY think that Jonny's not gonna let it go that easy. NO FUCKING WAY!

Oh, and here's an interesting twist...Jonny owns a decent little chunk of stock in American Express Company (NYSE: AXP). Enough Amex stock to pay off Jonny's credit line about 75 times over. So, Jonny felt the need to drop a line to the Chairman and CEO of Amex. The full letter and enclosures are below, because Jonny is REALLY losing interest rapidly. In a nutshell, Jonny asks him....1) Why did they think that it was such a good idea to shit-can a cash-flush big-baller like Jonny, and 2) Does this mean that Amex is swirling down the shitter and that Jonny should sell his stock?

Time will tell if the spineless cocksuckers at American Express choose to sack-up and respond to Jonny, and if Jonny hears as much as a little bitch-peep out of them, he will let you know.

Here's the docs:

Jonny Out. American Express can SUCKIT!
Everyone Else - ♥ Love you long time.

Quote of the Day

2009-06-22T06:00:00.000-05:00

"So, what'd you think of that Dorothy girl?"

"The whole Judy Garland thing kinda turned me on. Does that make me some kind of fag?"

"No, baby, you're money."

Quote of the Day

2009-06-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Treason doth never prosper. What's the reason? For if it prosper, none dare call it treason."

Quote of the Day

2009-06-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Ho's gotta eat too, you know."

"Who you callin' a ho? I ain't no HO!"

"Oops, I'm sorry, bitch."

Quote of the Day

2009-06-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Man I couldn't believe the filth coming out of that whore's mouth. She should write some of that shit down and drop it in the Navy's Suggestion Box."

Quote of the Day

2009-06-18T06:00:00.000-05:00

"I grab a dog. I choke him and I kick the shit out of him. All day long got my foot up a dog's ass. Just BANG, BANG, BANG up his ass. That's my pleasure."

Quote of the Day

2009-06-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Look at this, OK? I want you to remember this face. This is the guy, behind the guy, behind the guy."

Quote of the Day

2009-06-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Are you here for the race?"

"Do I look like I fuck my sister???"

Quote of the Day

2009-06-15T06:00:00.000-05:00

"My God! I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."

Quote of the Day

2009-06-14T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Well, we still have conditioner."

Quote of the Day

2009-06-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I'll do my best."

"Your 'best'?!?! Losers always whine about their 'best'. Winners go home and fuck the PROM QUEEN!"

Quote of the Day

2009-06-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

"You wanna fuck my ass?"

"Nah - maybe next time"

Quote of the Day

2009-06-11T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Playing with my money is like playing with my EMOTIONS, Smokey."

Quote of the Day

2009-06-10T06:00:00.000-05:00

"That was so fucking money. That was like the Jedi Mind Shit."

Quote of the Day

2009-06-09T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Go home and get your FUCKING shine box."