dan's blog

no! wait! don't leave us now!

2009-07-13T18:39:00.001-04:00

I love the way the mortgage company you are about to leave suddenly wants to talk about lowering the interest rate AFTER you've already asked for a payoff amount. Like it is the absolute LAST resort for keeping a customer. Ha Ha! Should have just lowered it before. Now you don't get ANY of the sweet, sweet interest on our home loan amount.

movie review: bruno

2009-07-11T13:55:00.000-04:00

Bruno

2009

* * *

Meh, it was okay. not as good as I thought it would be. ~ July 11, 2009

tiny update

2009-07-10T09:06:00.000-04:00

I'm almost finished cleaning up the felled pine tree in the back yard. We cut it down because it was a filthy, needle-dropping tree and we need its spot for a hot tub.

Dan is Paranoid:

2009-06-23T15:30:00.002-04:00

So I went to the post office today to buy some stamps. I ask for a roll of stamps and hand the woman my bank card.

She says, "Picture ID?"

And I'm thinking: "Jesus Christ, what now? What crazy excuse has the Homeland Security/Domestic Spying fascists come up with now? Why in the the hell do they want picture ID for buying stamps? If I don't show ID, are they going to taser me right here in the post office? What next? When is this stupidity going to stop? What is this? North Korea?"

But I just said, "I need picture ID to buy stamps now?"

And she says, "No, for the credit card."

"Oh."

ze frank's "hard times"

2009-06-22T22:14:00.001-04:00

The Walrus and the Carpenter

2009-06-22T17:17:00.002-04:00

The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright --
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done --
'It's very rude of him.' she said,
'To come and spoil the fun!'

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead --
There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand:
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
'If this were only cleared away,'
They said, 'it would be grand.'

'If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose,' the Walrus said,
'That they could get it clear?'
'I doubt it,' said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.

'O Oysters, come and walk with us!
The Walrus did beseech.
'A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.'

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head --
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

Out four young Oysters hurried up.
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat --
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more --
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

'The time has come,' the Walrus said,
'To talk of many things:
Of shoes -- and ships -- and sealing wax --
Of cabbages -- and kings --
And why the sea is boiling hot --
And whether pigs have wings.'

'But wait a bit,' the Oysters cried,
'Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!'
'No hurry!' said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

'A loaf of bread,' the Walrus said,
'Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed --
Now, if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed.'

'But not on us!' the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
'After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!'
'The night is fine,' the Walrus said,
'Do you admire the view?'

'It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
'Cut us another slice-
I wish you were not quite so deaf-
I've had to ask you twice!'

'It seems a shame,' the Walrus said,
'To play them such a trick.
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
'The butter's spread too thick!'

'I weep for you,'the Walrus said:
'I deeply sympathize.'
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

'O Oysters,' said the Carpenter,
'You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none --
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.

-- Lewis Carroll

News Roundup:

2009-06-19T08:06:00.002-04:00

I look at a lot of "news" sites on the Internets. It is a terrible habit and I should be doing something more healthy, like drinking. But here's my worthless, thoughtless take on this week's "news"

First of all, Lindsey Lohan isn't "topless"; her hair is covering up her boobs. Plus, she looks like a heroin addict. Now it's news every time some drunken, no-talent "actress" Twitters?

It's great to see the Iranians protesting. Too bad we don't do that here. Problem here is that both "parties" work for the same set of Corporate Masters. Obama=Bush=Clinton either way we're screwed, but we turn on each other instead of the Corporate Overlords who are running everything . . . oh crap, I've digressed already.

Some pilot died in flight but the copilot landed the plane. This is not news. That's what copilots are for.

Health care: The Senate has government run health care. They are also owned by the pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies. Guess who can't have the same plan they have?

The absence of a "public option" marks perhaps the most significant omission. Obama and many Democrats had sought a public option to ensure affordable, universal coverage, but as many as 10 Senate Democrats have protested the idea as unfair to private insurers. – washingtonpost.com

"Unfair to private insurers"? Fuck private insurers. Obama sucks ass. And I voted for the lying asshole. Jesus Christ!

Silvio Berlusconi, the 72 years old Prime Minister Italy, is boffing an eighteen year old model. Balls.

Dick Cheney still loves torture.

Teen charged in Miami's 19 serial cat killings - CNN.com

2009-06-16T06:35:00.002-04:00

Teen charged in Miami's 19 serial cat killings - CNN.com: "He could face a maximum of 158 years in state prison if convicted on all counts, said Terry Shavez, spokeswoman for the state attorney's office."

--If they give this kid 158 years for killing cats, that would be awesome.

The FDA is now going to regulate tobacco.

2009-06-12T08:36:00.003-04:00

How hard could this possibly be? I'll spell it out:

Day 1: Yeah! we regulate tobacco!
Day 2: Tobacco is illegal.

How could they possibly allow tobacco to be legal? It kills the sh!t out of people all the time. I am NOT anti-smoking, but if they are going to "regulate" tobacco, and it kills as many people as it kills, then the only "logical" thing to do would be to make it illegal.

OR

Legalize the stuff that is less harmful.

The other thing that surprises me is this: The FDA WASN'T regulating tobacco until this year? WTF are those slackers good for?

AT-AT (Playtime)

2009-06-10T22:28:00.001-04:00

Coffee Shop Notes

2009-06-08T22:26:00.002-04:00

Loud Cell Phone Talker: The guy at the table behind me is on the phone with Verizon. He had a $500.00 phone bill and he is not happy with his [business] plan. He has a nasal whine, and while he isn't being a prick now, he's close. You can tell he's got full-on douche potential. Of course we all do, but this guy is letting it out on the surface a little too publicly at a high volume. He taps impatiently on the table as he talks to Verizon about endless details of his Verizon business plan:

His son married "this girl" in March. Apparently she is on the plan as well, but referring to your daughter-in-law as "this girl" tells us (everybody in the coffee shop who has to listen to this dipshit) something about his feelings toward his son's wife. He just told us all his phone number, and now I've jotted it down in my yellow notepad. (I could be a prick and put it in this note, but no one reads my blog anyway www.danmanning.com). Now he's told us his son's phone number (really loud) and his daughter-in-law's (that girl's) number. He's blurting all this wonderful information out to everybody, and I'm scribbling furiously right in front of him and he's clueless.

Who else is in the coffee shop? A chubby guy in a red and white striped shirt sits down and starts some furious laptopping(1). He's on his cell phone, talking about developing a website, but he has discovered his INSIDE VOICE (gasp!) so he is not annoying. I will not eavesdrop, because he is not broadcasting for all to hear. He is not annoying. Good for him. Good for humanity.

There are two pairs of women, each pair sitting at a table. All four have laptops. Side-by-side seems to be the preferred configuration. These two pairs of women are not together. The men laptop alone.

Two young girls are sitting to my left, chatting. They too have discovered inside voices. They are also not annoying. That is doubleplusgood. They don't have laptops! What what?

Loud phone talker leaves and later two women sit down at the same table. The woman behind me is trying to locate her daughter by calling various people on her cell phone. "She isn't answering her cell phone and she isn't at home." She hangs up. "This is so frustrating." She continues her conversation with the woman sitting with her. "I just told him to find a job, I don't care where." She makes a few more phone calls, trying to locate her offspring. "The only thing I can think of is she got a ride with someone else." Her name is "Caily" (or something like that. Spelling unknown. Non-standard naming convention)

Finally, "Caily" is found.

"'Caily'? How did you get home?" She says goodbye. "She got a ride home with Daniel," she says to the woman sitting with her. She calls someone else. "I'm so sorry, I don't know why she didn't call you or text you to let you know. She's in such trouble."

Again she hangs up. To the woman who is sitting there not saying much: "The two older children are from Curt. From my ex-husband . . . [insert entire life story here].

(1) Yes, I'm using the word "laptop" as a verb. Deal with it.

wednesday night - thursday morning RANT

2009-06-04T01:17:00.002-04:00

This is not a conspiracy theory. Nobody planned this system out. It's just the way it works:

The government has come completely loose from the moorings of the Constitution. That piece of paper no longer holds any meaning to these media whores and corporate shills who have infested Washington (for decades and decades). This administration is exactly like the last, which was exactly like the one that it replaced. The trappings and accents and uniforms (D) or (R) may have changed, but the real people in charge have stayed the same the entire time. President Obama has gone back on just about everything he promised (gasp!) and he's doing the same thing Bush was doing, only he's more articulate when he makes excuses for doing those same things. He's even trying to retroactively cripple the Freedom of Information Act, which puts him in the same league as Bush, Cheney and the rest of those ass-clowns. Clinton deregulated the shit out of everything and Greenspan was his High Priest of Deregulation. Bush took us to war for no reason whatsoever and screwed things up even more. Obama is going to keep things exactly the way it has always been, same as it ever was.

I know it has been this way since the ink was dry on the Constitution, but it seems that in the past the politicians at least pretended to follow the rules (then again, maybe I'm nostalgic, and things have always been as fucked up as they are now). Now they're just making shit up whenever and they know no one is paying attention, and if anyone does raise a stink they just have them Tasered and they sic the law on the troublemakers.

As we buy more complicated and entertaining phones and laptops and televisions, and as we get more channels of entertainment, we will keep going to our jobs and filling our gas tanks and pretending that everything is okay. We close our eyes as our government runs roughshod over every right we thought we had, but probably only were allowed to think we had because it kept us quiet. But it is not okay. This system is unsustainable.

What am I going to do about it? Nothing. I have bills to pay. So I'll keep working and paying bills and pretty soon I'll be too old to care anymore. I'm already there really.

Some of us are kept as pets by the companies that use us to perform certain functions. We are given enough money to keep us in our homes, our kennels. We are kept in enough debt to keep us working. We are programmed by televisions to live beyond our means. We are shown standards of living that we are convinced we must have at any cost. We are given enough money to entertain ourselves between work shifts, and to buy food. We are given enough money to buy a vehicle to get back and forth between our cubicles and our homes. We are asked to work more hours for the same pay, to stay by our phones, to be always available. We are able to "log in from home", we are given beepers. Even on vacation, we are not allowed to disconnect. We are part of the Hive Mind. We will be assimilated.

We watch processed entertainment made for the lowest common denominator. It feeds our most basic fears and titillations.

We are told that there are two parties to choose from, and we argue with those who choose Brand B when we have chosen Brand A. But we don't realize both "Brands" of political ideas are really the same Brand. They both support a system that keeps us in the cycle I just described above. The politicians (actors) who make up the two "parties" are all bought and controlled by the same group of powerful companies and interests that make damn sure we keep consuming their products and buying into their ideas.

Both "Brands" of politicians are willing to put cameras everywhere, tap our phones, read our email, search our homes without warrant, take away our rights and pass laws that restricts the right to assemble and protest.

And we are told that other states are the totalitarian states. We are told that we are free.

And we are free. Really. Never mind, just go about your business. Nothing to see here.

a "late fee" by any other name . . .

2009-06-02T11:11:00.001-04:00

This is what is printed on the back of my water bill. In all capital letters, as if that causes it to make more sense:

FAILURE TO RECEIVE THE BILL DOES NOT EXCUSE ANY LATE FEE. MAKE ANY INQUIRY OR COMPLIANT ABOUT THIS BILL BEFORE THE DUE DATE. A 10% PENALTY WILL BE CHARGED IF PAYMENT IS RECEIVED AFTER THE DUE DATE.

First of all, I've always paid my water bill. This isn't about me. But "FAILURE TO RECEIVE" the bill indicates that it might be lost in the mail. It would be impossible to complain about the bill before the due date if it is lost in the mail, and even more impossible to pay it on time if it was lost in the mail. And yet, this situation DOES NOT EXCUSE ANY LATE FEE. I wouldn't want it "EXCUSED" anyway. I'd want it eliminated. Is that the same thing?

In fact, if there is "NO EXCUSE" for a late fee, doesn't that mean a late fee will not be tolerated? And if that's the case, does that mean there are no late fees? I don't think my smart ass argument would get me anywhere at the courthouse, or wherever one takes a water bill to argue about it, which I probably would never do, because I fear the government and all government agencies.

Notice it doesn't say "FAILURE TO RECEIVE THIS BILL". Someone at the water department was thinking. If it said, "FAILURE TO RECEIVE THIS BILL", it would be impossible to read it because you hadn't received it yet. I'm pretty sure an angry customer at one time came in and made that same argument when they didn't "receive" their bill on time. That's when they probably changed that ALL CAP notice to say "THE" instead of "THIS".

I send out checks on the due date for most of my bills, and I noticed a $15.44 "adjustment" to my bill. I couldn't' figure it out until I realized it was a late fee. They don't put "late fee" on there because if I don't realize I sent it in late, I won't send it earlier the next time. They want me to keep sending it out on the due date instead of before the due date, and they'll keep making their little "adjustment". If they play that little trick on enough water bills, that is a lot of money. If they put "LATE FEE" on the bill, people would start paying on time, and that would mean less money for the water company.

It is my own fault for not paying attention. So I checked back on all my water bills. There's a $15.40 "adjustment" on the last bill also. We're billed quarterly for our water. So is it a late fee or something else? I called and asked the Township office and indeed, it is a late fee. It's not quite ten percent. Do they also make sure it isn't exactly ten percent so we can't figure out that it is a "late fee" instead of a mysterious "adjustment"?

I'm sending it early this time. And how quickly I've caught on: a mere nine years living in here. Ha ha ha. That's around $15.00 x 36 quarters = $540.00 in late fees (oops, I mean "adjustments"). Multiply that by all the late payers in the Township and I can see why you wouldn't want to point out the fact that your payer is paying late every month. "Adjustment" indeed.

I'm not complaining. Every so often when I open a tap and cold, clear water comes out I realize it is a miracle. We are so lucky to have hot and cold running water. A hundred years ago, chances are that wouldn't be possible. And a hundred years from now, it probably won't be possible either. We've hit the sweet spot being born when we were born, and we should count ourselves lucky. We have it so good in the "modernized" world.

But why does that notice on the back of my bill have to be in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS? And why can't they call a "late fee" a "late fee"?

Friday at the Common Ground Coffee Shop

2009-05-31T23:49:00.002-04:00

I had a job this morning, lunch and two beers at Founders and now I'm at the Common Ground Coffee Shop, reading East of Eden, having coffee and smoking a cigar.

Three loud girls are at the next table.

One of the girls is complaining about a roommate. "He has no common sense," she says. "I put my name on my cream cheese and he ate it anyway." She says she's enjoying her freedom now that school is out. She sleeps in until ten.

"I'm connected to old boyfriends on Facebook . . . 'Oh, you look like a little old man.'" The girl is probably twenty-two years old at most.

"Churches help a lot," she says.

Someone used the word "gonzo" at Founders, and one of the girls just mentioned watching the movie Gonzo with a couple of friends.

Now the girls are talking about a guy whose guidance councilor said going to Michigan University was a "long shot". Now they are talking about their SATs. "I am not a fast reader," says tall gawky blonde girl.

Tall blonde has a pot belly, a tight white shirt, sad tits and horrible posture. The brunette in the middle has Tina Fey glasses and a red shirt with an American flag on the front and a white button down shirt over that.

"They wanted to place me in 202. I scored amazingly well on the test," Tina Fey Glasses says.

The third girl wears a brown shirt. She has bad posture and an unremarkable face.

The girl in the brown shirt is a chain smoker.

"What were we talking about?"

"We were talking about Lydia."

A guy shows up. He declares that he is tired. Black pants, black unzipped sweater jacket. White tee-shirt. Blonde hair cut close. Pale goatee.

Blonde girl gets up and hugs him. They sit on the sofa right across from me.

Tired Guy is going to California and then to LA.

"How's LA?" Blonde Girl asks. I think she likes saying "LA". I'm jealous of these young people. Apparently they are studying film.

"Like GR only more spread out," Tired Guy says.

Okay, I no longer am jealous. LA is like Grand Rapids? Really? I've seen Pulp Fiction too many times to believe that.

"I'm working with LA Catholic Worker?" Blonde Girl says. "I'm going to be living in an LA halfway house with homeless and three people who are dying?"

She ends her declarative sentences like questions. I hate that?

"These were fucking . . ." she says. "They call it the Hippy Kitchen. So what did you do in LA?"

"Different jobs, different companies. Made a few friends and made a few enemies," the Tired Guy says.

"What did you do?" Blonde Girl asks.

"Be myself," Tired Guy says. He seems pretty laid back. Non-annoying. That's saying a lot.

Tired Guy is in film school and Blonde Girl is in some kind of works program. They have been to LA and I haven't. I hate them and envy them at the same time.

Later . . .

"So I heard that Heather is pregnant?"

"Allegedly," Tired Guy says.

"She is so friggin' cute."

"I was nice to her, but that doesn't mean I have to like her."

Blonde girls starts a lot of statements with the word "Dude".

"I am now a film studies major."

"I wanted Photography but Calvin sucks ass."

"Finished French forever."

"You fluent then?"

"I wouldn't say fluent."

And later . . .

"I saw Fahrenheit 457?"

"What else are you doing?"

"Shooting movies."

None of these people have any concept of inside voices. I feel no guilt in eavesdropping. Eavesdropping? They're practically yelling their lines.

"I'm a vegetarian."

"When did that happen?"

"Oh, I eat cheese. Don't even start. I eat cheese, milk and eggs. I don't care what animals are abused for those or whatnot."

chillin at the condo

2009-05-30T17:58:00.002-04:00

we're living large at a condo on lake charlevoix. one of my very special customers needs the wireless set up so we get to use the place this weekend. this place rocks.

in line at the post office

2009-05-27T13:03:00.001-04:00

The guy in line in front of me is wearing brown shoes, blue jeans with frays at the heels. He holds five envelopes in his left hand, his pinky out. He keeps a wallet in his left back pocket. I see two credit cards. He wears a purple shirt. He keeps his brown hair short, but he needs a haircut or at least a shave on the back of his neck. He is going bald. He is impatient. There are four people in front of him, and the guy at the counter is a stamp collector, and he's asking about every type of stamp they have. The guy collecting stamps at the counter wears khaki pants and a large blue button down shirt, untucked. His hair is snow white, and he has a goatee. He and the postal worker lady are talking like they are the only two people in the room. It is noon.

The guy in front of me taps his foot, then turns around to see if anyone else is witnessing this shit (the guy at the counter with no regard for other people's time). My head is down, writing into this little notebook, so I don't have to make eye contact. I hate interacting with people I don't know. The guy in front of me has a goatee, and he stands like he's in a hurry. He should take up writing. It is a good hobby, and helps kill time while waiting in line (I forgot my book).

The lady behind me has shiny faux gold and jeweled flip-flops. She is wearing shorts. She has a horrible 80s hairdo and a burned face. She has a purse and a stylish canvas bag. I'm no fashion genius, but she is one tacky broad. Glad my handwriting is crappy, there's no way she'll be able to read this.

The lady in front of impatient purple shirt guy has grey frizzy hair.

There are six people behind me and only two in front now. There is a cop in line.

memorial day weekend . . .

2009-05-24T08:59:00.001-04:00

There is no new news since last time I checked the news sites. There are no new updates on Facebook since last time I checked Facebook, just minutes before. There is nothing new to eat in the refrigerator since last time I checked, half an hour ago. There is nothing new outside my window since last time I checked, a few minutes ago. There is nothing new on television since last time I checked, just a few minutes before.

There are no new calls on my phone since last time I checked. There are no news items on CNN.com since last time I checked. There are no new updates on Facebook since last time I checked.

I don't have any new ideas for stories since last time I checked. There is nothing new to eat in the refrigerator since last time I checked, half an hour ago. There is nothing new on Facebook since last time I checked. There is no new email since last time I checked, just a few minutes before. There is nothing new outside my window since last time I checked, a few minutes ago. There is nothing new on television since last time I checked, just a few minutes before.

There are no new calls on my phone since last time I checked. There are no news items on CNN.com since last time I checked. There are no new updates on Facebook since last time I checked.

scooter

2009-05-21T16:07:00.003-04:00

I was tooling along on Alex's electric scooter on the sidewalk. I took it to the bank to make a deposit, and on my way back, I heard a motorcycle behind me. I turned and looked at it was a motorcycle cop. He was right behind me, on the sidewalk.

I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop for riding an electric scooter on the sidewalk. I would usually bitch about something like this, but the cop was cool and I've wrinkled my nose at other people doing the same thing. The cop asked me for my driver's license. He asked me if I "was suspended". I had no idea what he was talking about. He said, "Is your license suspended?" I said I hadn't had a ticket in years. He ran my license and let me go.

We got a lot of funny looks, a guy pulled over on an electric scooter by a motorcycle cop, on the sidewalk, lights flashing.

two movie reviews:

2009-05-18T17:01:00.000-04:00

THE WRESTLER: great movie, except it will make you want to commit suicide for a few hours afterwords. ERASERHEAD: weirdest thing I have ever seen in my life. Weird is a good thing.

A BULLSHIT THEORY

2009-05-15T21:28:00.000-04:00

This essay is about the disillusionment that takes place throughout an individual's lifetime. Disillusionment is the decision by an individual that an idea or concept that was once believed valid is actually bullshit.

REALIZATION AND THE IDENTIFICATION OF BULLSHIT

There is an instant when a human being moves a concept or idea from the "accepted" subset of all ideas and concepts to the bullshit subset of all ideas and concepts. This instant is called a moment of realization. The remark "that's total bullshit" is an indicator that the speaker believes that a concept, declaration or idea is indeed bullshit and should therefore be held in contempt and or scorned.

DEVELOPMENT OF SKEPTICISM (THE ABILITY TO IDENTIFY BULLSHIT)

A newborn baby has no concept of bullshit. A baby receives unfiltered sensory perceptions, but cannot understand abstract concepts. A newborn baby accepts everything as valid. This condition is temporary and soon ends as the baby becomes a child and later develops the ability to recognize bullshit.

As a child develops the ability to use language, he or she develops a short list of things considered bullshit, although the child may designate these things as "lame", "bogus", or "weak". The child will use current popular slang to express his or her belief that a concept or idea is bullshit. Whatever slang the child or adolescent is using, it is building and refining his or her list of things that fall under the category of bullshit. But eventually the child will utter the phrase, "that's bullshit".

SUBJECTIVISM AND THE IDEA OF BULLSHIT

What is and is not bullshit is a matter of opinion, and therefore cannot be defined absolutely. What is obvious bullshit to one person is absolute truth to another person. Without an ultimate authority of truth and bullshit, arguments will go unanswered.

DISAGREEMENT ABOUT WHAT IS AND IS NOT BULLSHIT

Conflicts arise when large segments of a population cannot agree on what is and is not bullshit. Humans cannot identify all bullshit correctly at all times. That which is believed to be bullshit by a few may be accepted as truth by many, and that which is accepted as true by some may be held in contempt (as bullshit) by the majority.

Popular ideas may fall out of favor over time, declining in the collective consciousness until it is universally defined as bullshit, although in earlier periods that same concept may have been accepted as valid without discussion.

The conflict that arises over differences in opinion regarding the bullshit or non-bullshit of a given issue sometimes take place in the arenas of politics or religion. Sometimes even the debate over a given issue becomes bullshit itself, and the matter being debated is obscured by a shit-storm of bullshit arguments and contortions of logic on both sides of any argument. The downward spiral of competing bullshit arguments has led many to believe that all politics and all religion are bullshit and should therefore be held in contempt regardless of the actual issues being debated.

UNBALANCED SKEPTICISM AND DOUCHBAGGERY

The idea that any number of ideas or concepts could be bullshit can lead to unbalanced skepticism, which can lead to snarky comments on all subjects. This can lead to douchbaggery, a condition brought on by the fear of missing some concept that is bullshit, and the fear that in failing to detect said bullshit, one has exposed oneself to the mockery of one's peers. One should always keep in mind that in the set of all existing concepts and ideas, there is a slim chance that some things are not bullshit.

ADVANCED IDENTIFICATION OF BULLSHIT OVER TIME, AND THE CONCEPT OF 100% BULLSHIT RECOGNITION

Cases where individuals (often elderly or mature individuals) who have identified between 85% and 95% of all ideas and concepts as bullshit are often considered "wise", "worldly", "senile", or "grumpy".

Over time, the aging individual experiences more things and categorizes a continuously growing number of things as bullshit. The percentage of things held in contempt as bullshit approaches 100%.

The percentage of things that exist that are considered bullshit in the mind of an individual can never reach 100%, because if the person concludes that all concepts and ideas are bullshit, the individual's will to live reaches 0% and the natural survival instinct is negated and the individual would then become non-functioning.

There is no possibility of reaching a belief that 100% of all ideas and concepts are bullshit because the very "idea" that all things are bullshit is also an idea, and holding that idea itself as true makes it impossible to believe that all ideas are bullshit.

While the hypothetical 100% bullshit non-functioning person does not necessarily die, it is possible that a person who has reached a 100% bullshit identification ratio will have a really bad attitude, or may in fact be a douchbag.

The other possibility is that someone who has identified all existing ideas and concepts as bullshit may become totally laid-back and cool. This idea, however, is itself bullshit.

CONCLUSION

There is a lot of bullshit out there. Next time you are presented with an idea, a dogma, plan, plea, cause or theory, think critically about what is being discussed or proposed, and ask yourself: is this bullshit?

Senate Rejects Interest-Rate Cap on Credit Cards - NYTimes.com

2009-05-14T06:44:00.001-04:00

Hm, it almost seems like there is some kind of outside influence controlling the votes of the Senate. How can this be? It is impossible!

Senate Rejects Interest-Rate Cap on Credit Cards - NYTimes.com

writing scraps

2009-05-13T15:43:00.000-04:00

* * *

It was their need to control that eventually destroyed them. The cameras, the number of cameras doubled every year, until there was nowhere to go that wasn't under surveillance. At least it appeared that every spot in the country was under surveillance, but there was a problem:

There weren't enough people to watch all of the cameras. State workers got bored watching the same street corners day after day, year after year. Usually nothing happened, and when something did happen, it was usually sad and typical.

So they wrote software to watch what happened on the cameras. Face recognition software, RFID chips, optical character recognition (for vehicle license plates) and advanced programs to read body language, cultural trends and so on was developed. There were particle analyzers that sniffed the air for drugs and explosives.

* * *

She holds her books like a schoolgirl. She has bad posture, a slouch that makes it seem that she doesn't want to be seen; as if she is ashamed to be in the room, wherever she is. She has mouse-brown hair cut pageboy style around a chubby face. Chubby: that is the word for her. If she had any fashion sense she would realize that a khaki pants and brown belt and pale tucked-in button down shirt are wrong for her body type. Everything is wrong for her body type, but at least loose clothes wouldn't give her a "muffin top," the bulge over the belt that is too tight.

Her name is "Ed" which is short for Edwina, her grandmother's name on her father's side. She has always hated the nickname but has never said anything about it.

She never says anything about anything.

* * *

Barista

The barista is a movie / television buff. He has a hip way of talking, laid-back Californian styled speech couched in Michigan.

But he doesn't know what a cathode-ray tube is. The postman he is talking to mentions it, and the Barista comes up blank.

The Barista talks to the postman about the new Star Trek movie, and the director, whose name is Abrams, who has done "Lost" and "Cloverfield", and about how Abrams has a knack of making things "vibrant" and "alive".

I agree.

I eavesdrop, but is it eavesdropping if the speaker has a loud voice and is using it in public? I think not.

* * *

The System is Flawed. RANT for Tuesday

2009-05-12T12:17:00.001-04:00

Politicians are temporary. Established systems are permanent. Let us take two examples: the Military Industrial Complex and Law Enforcement.

MILITARY

An Army (Military Industrial Complex) is in place and it stays in place, year after year, and decade after decade. The Military Industrial Complex is made up of career men who want their systems and programs to grow. Budgets must be maintained and expanded. These men live in a self-perpetuating closed system, and that system, like every organization (organism), wants to grow and survive. Projects are added, budgets grow, and the system becomes a Frankenstein monster made up of career soldiers and contractors.

Along comes an idealistic politician (we'll ignore for this example the corrupt politicians, who are already part of the system). The idealistic politician is really only good at doing one thing: winning popularity contests. He may try to change the system, but the system has no intention of changing, and it has seen the likes of this newcomer before. The system has a survival instinct, and those within the system have been there a long time, and they know about wide-eyed politicians. They will not be pushed around.

So the politician whose only survival skill is being popular is attacked: He obviously doesn't know how things work "around here." He obviously doesn't care about national defense if he opposed Projects X, Y, and Z.

They don't produce anything. They don't improve anything. They scare us into giving them more money. Yes, we need a national defense, but that is all. The Soviet Union is over. Stop with the Cold War budgeting.

So FNG (Friggin' New Guy) is given a quick lesson on how the System works, and the Military Industrial Complex gets its huge amount of tax money, and the Status Quo is maintained. The military budget continues to eat up all of our resources, while social programs go into the toilet.

Every time there is a war, somebody makes money. The same people who profit from war are also the ones who influence those politicians who are only capable of winning popularity contests.

LAW ENFORCEMENT

Law Enforcement and the Prison Industrial Complex work the same way at Federal, State and local levels. Someone is elected Mayor, but Police Commissioner X wants new riot gear and crowd control equipment. He wants cameras and squad cards and the power to use these toys without warrants. The Prison Industrial Complex wants longer sentences for more minor crimes because that is how they make their money.

They make money by throwing people in jail.

The more people they can throw in jail the more money they make. They don't produce anything. They don't protect us more by throwing more people in jail, because when they run out of real criminals, they start looking for law abiding citizens and then they change the laws so they can make more money by throwing more people in jail. As long as incarceration is profitable, we will see more and more people thrown in jail for minor offenses.

People who argue that pot should be legal because it is "harmless" are missing the point. Pot isn't illegal because it is a drug; pot is illegal because its very criminality provides the Prison Industrial Complex with more prisoners. It may have been made illegal in the first place for "moral" reasons. It may have been made illegal because the Alcohol Lobby saw it as a threat. The initial reasons are not important. What is important to realize is that it is kept illegal simply as a source for more prisoners. Too many people (wardens, guards, congressmen, bureaucrats) are making too much money throwing harmless people in jail. Every time some pothead is thrown in jail, somebody else makes money. Whenever the "need" for a new jail requires us to build a new jail, somebody is making millions of dollars.

THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM IS MEANINGLESS

It isn't that the people are bad; the system is just flawed. Our two parties, Democrat and Republican, are part of the system. They are the system.

Bush, Obama, Pelosi: all of them are part of the system. Any politician who isn't' part of the established system (Ralf Nader, Ron Paul, Ross Perot) is labeled as crazy and dismissed out of hand. Third party candidates are refused a place in the debate by the media (the media is part of the system) and so no third party candidates have a chance to enter the system.

The system is not a conspiracy. The system is not evil. It is simply a seriously flawed and possibly unsustainable system made up on the fly by a bunch of primates who have no idea what they are doing. It is simply how our society has evolved over time. It is the flawed way we have organized ourselves.

Bands of chimps have a system. Ants have a system. Flocks of birds have a system. We have a system.

No one sat down and drew this system up on paper and decided that this is how things would be.

The men who comprise the "Founding Fathers" mythos borrowed examples from existing systems. The Constitution is not some magic document. It works only as long as it serves those in power. It is ignored when ignoring it is necessary or expedient.

GENERAL POPULATION

As long as the general population behaves itself and does as it is told, the illusion of "rights" is maintained.

These are the four functions of the general population:

1. Pay Taxes
2. Produce and Consume Goods and Services
3. Obey Authorities
4. Provide Troops

Culture, religion, drinking and sports are acceptable activities allowed to kill time when not involved in the four functions listed above. Churches and schools perpetuate the ideas of obedience and deference to authority.

Military hierarchical systems exist in all social strata. "A List" celebrities, corporate chains of command, even baristas in coffee shops have a hierarchical pecking order.

Again, this may sound like a sinister plot. No one alive today came up with the System.

Those with influence are simply filling roles they think they think need to be filled. People born to influential families learn to wield influence. People from the lower classes learn to fulfill their functions, sometimes as professionals, technicians, artists, or criminals.

While there are diverse groups within society, "patriotism" bolsters the idea of maintaining the system. Each collection of populations (nations) is told that their system is the best, and must be maintained, although the system to which they belong is worldwide. "Tradition" bolsters the idea of filling designated functions within society.

But if this system is flawed, what is the alternative?

There is no alternative. There has to be a system, otherwise chaos would ensue.

With six billion people running around without a system would result in total chaos.

new blog post in 3...2...1...

2009-05-11T08:49:00.001-04:00

How to make your dull day a little more interesting: On the show Mythbusters, before they do anything, they always announce what they're going to do and then count down from three: "Firing in 3...2...1..." and then they fire the gun or whatever. "Electrocution test in 3...2...1..." and then they pull the switch.

I think we can all incorporate this weird behavior in our own lives. "Saying grace in 3...2...1...", or "brushing teeth in 3...2...1..." or, "coffee break in 3...2...1..."

It might help break up a dull day (if you have those) or at least annoy or entertain those around you.

This has been a tip from Dan Manning, who is waiting for the damn phone to ring (in 3...2...1...)

fifth third river bank run

2009-05-09T11:41:00.001-04:00

did the 10k in 58:26, which is pretty good for my pace. Now, off to the Hideout for a beer.