Boyd Street Magazine

Happy Holidays kids!

2007-12-22T21:12:00.000-06:00

We've been off the blogosphere for a while, but hey, these things happen. At any rate. Merry Christmas everyone. Hope you are all enjoying your break and the holiday spirit. And just because it's my favorite Christmas song (and from my favorite Christmas album no less!), here you go. As it says on the actual page it comes from, it's meant to be listened to and not watched. Laziness by the person posting the "video"? Perhaps or yes, but what can you do. Till next time folks.

A few things going on in my head...

2007-10-10T13:41:00.000-05:00

I thought I was through with the OU/TX game, but I worked at the other job last night and my boss produced this gem:

Recognize the person on the far right standing in front of the Big Dog Daddy? That's right kids, it's WWE announcer and barbecue enthusiast, Jim Ross himself. While the Daddy carries himself with the quiet dignity embodied by the raised index finger, Ross displays the excitable nature of the true fan. "DeMarco Murray has just layed the smack down on the Texas defense! Good God almighty, they've been broken in half with that vile chairshot/run from DeMarco! Look at what he's done to Mrs. Brown's little boy!" Truly and sincerely, cheers to you JR.

In other news, you might have noticed Campus Corner has been marauded by all your favorite Greek squads. Nothing warms my cold, robot heart like school spirit sweeping through the university and manifesting itself on the windows of local drinking establishments. It's either that or all the hot chicks that clearly want to have my babies. I haven't decided which it is yet.

If you're one of the 5 people in our great state that haven't seen the new Fowler commercial, well, I guess you're in luck. I've traditionally hated Fowler commercials, going all the way back to the whole "Flower Honda" campaign from years gone by. Oh yay, there's a little girl that can't say Fowler, but says flower instead. Isn't that cute? Disregard the fact that she looks older than the age of 2 when that type of behavior is acceptable and is therefore retarded (as we all know, Diffie been running with this formula for years, much to the chagrin of metro audiences everywhere. learn to talk please. thanks and good day). Things didn't get much better when Chad Stevens became the face of the Fowler family of car dealerships. The only person worse than him was the Big Red guy, and we all know what happened to him. Until this past weekend, no one had been able to challenge the dominance of Tom Park during his Lynn Hickey Dodge heyday. Welcome, Chad. Welcome to the pantheon of local television celebrities (at least for now. based on your past crimes, you are on a trial membership. don't f*ck it up).

And that's it. Get out there an enjoy the weather. Or we will fight. Unless you are a lovely young lady. Then we will have a steak dinner. But everyone else...fisticuffs!

Gut-check Saturday was fun

2007-10-08T18:00:00.000-05:00

Hey there! It's been a little while since we talked. I'm very sorry. Boyd Street's Texas Hate Week never really got off the ground in it's Interweb form and for that I also apologize. Thankfully, that idea still has some life left in it. I'm looking at you Stillwater. And your abortion of a football program you have up there (sorry, through an encounter with an OSU fan/alumnus last week, I have no state sympathy for your athletic squads for the next few months. call me after football season and maybe we can talk). Moving on to happier things.

Well, Boomer indeed fellow Sooner fans. Looking back, it was an excellent game that I will surely be watching again for the next several days. However, I would be lying if I said I didn't hope we would blow them out as the game went on. OU football is the only team that I follow where I would be more than happy with the Sooners blowing whoever out. Seriously, my heart just can't take close games week in and week out. If I wasn't a smoker and passionate drinker, then maybe, but not in addition to. Hear that Bob Stoops? Think of my children that may or may not exist!

Before turning my attention to other things, here are my final observations of the Red River Shootout and a few other games of note:

-Coming off what, at the time, looked like a season derailing loss, the Sooners, and most importantly, young Sam Bradford, responded to critics and the nation in tremendous fashion. The fact that it came at the Longhorns expense makes it even better.

-While the person I was debating Saturday disagreed, I believe the Sooners front seven played fairly well. McCoy was sacked 4 times, and Texas never really got the running game off the ground. The secondary was a bit spotty in coverage at times, but when you consider the explosiveness of the Texas offense, I think shouldn't be a huge concern. Does the secondary concern me a little? Yes. Are they and the rest of the defense a bit too aggressive from time to time? Yes. But overall, this is arguably the most talented defense ever assembled during the Stoops era. Whether they live up to that potential play to play or game to game is yet to be determined, but still, I can live with the effort they put out on Saturday.

-I question Mack Brown's decision to leave John Chiles out of the gameplan (relatively speaking). Chiles, like any other mobile quarterback OU faces, terrifies me. Sure, he's not that great of a passer, but it's just another weapon to have on the field. I'm probably overvaluing him, but still, he's a scary young player.
-Missouri stomped Nebraska. Missouri scares the sh*t out of me. More on that this Friday.

-LSU probably moved Florida out of the national championship picture. There's still a lot of football to play and it's been a crazy season already, but Florida was OU's biggest obstacle among the one-loss teams, so I don't mind passing them by. However, LSU, and specifically Les Miles proved why I don't think they'll run the table in the SEC. Miles (just like he did when he was at OSU) coaches with his c*ck. The only difference now is that he has far superior talent than he did when he was in Stillwater, allowing him to get away with some of it. Unfortunately (or fortunately if you despise Miles and LSU), he's not going to be able to get away with going for it at seemingly ridiculous times and the completely ludicrous challenge on Florida's kick return (seriously, this one pissed me off. granted, I wasn't watching the game in HD, but I saw no conclusive evidence that the return man stepped out of bounds. and the fact that it was for 7 freaking yards and LSU's last timeout amazed me further) every week. Against what is perceived as rational thought, LSU prevailed against Florida, but mark my words, at some point, Les Miles is going to cost his team a game.

-ZOMG! Stanford beat USC in the biggest upset EVAH! That might be a bit much, but let's face it, Stanford, since Ty Willingham left, has really, really sucked. I'm quite upset that they only fell to 10. Perhaps I shouldn't be so quick to judge considering our short fall after Colorado, but come on. It's Stanford for Christ's sake. This might just be me being reactionary, but I kind of question them being ranked in front of Arizona State, Missouri, Wisconsin, Illinois, Va Tech, and mabe even Florida. Sure, USC more talented than those teams, but we know that's not what the polls are about anyway.

Ok, friends. Time to watch Cowboys play the Bills in a Monday night game that would have been better say, 10-15 years ago. At least I hope. That would be demoralizing if my Cowboys lost tonight.

Testicle Tuesday!

2007-09-25T16:08:00.000-05:00

Here's a quick update on yesterday's post. The national media and numerous Bear fans are calling for Brian Griese or Kyle Orton and his neckbeard to supplant the Sex Cannon as fearless gunslinger of (S)TD's in the Chicago backfield. Rexy will not be like you and take it lying on his back. He's no p*ssy! Read his scathing response to all the non-believers!

Also, it appears that Jake Delhomme, and to a lesser extent, Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers want me to man-crush on them. And eat Bojangle's chicken and biscuits. Frankly, I have no problem with either since Smith is on my fantasy team and Delhomme has classic All-American boy good looks. Being a "Defender of Fresh Baked Biscuits" helps too. Plus, I like fried chicken and fresh baked biscuits so how can I lose. That's right, I can't. Enough foreplay, here's your link.

Interested in buying a new car? Sure you are, head up to fake Baltimore and talk to these guys (NSFW):

Till tomorrow friends.

Casual Monday

2007-09-24T11:14:00.000-05:00

Yes, OU sodomized Tulsa and their Pac-Man video game offense with bestial vigor Friday. If this continues and EDSBS doesn't coin a "werewolf with a chainsaw for a d*ck" phrase, a la LSU's defense, for the entire Sooner squad, I for one will be very upset. In my head and in my pants. Believe it, motherf*#!ers. I think Sam Bradford and I should get an apartment together.

Sticking with football, being a huge Romosexual myself, I was very happy with the Cowboys' decimation of the Chicago Bears (just to be clear, I hold no ill will toward the Bears. I just enjoy watching Rex Grossman try to play quarterback) last night. Rextasy, try as he might, did not come all over the Dallas Cover 2. Mostly because Dallas doesn't play a Cover 2, but who needs details? Not Sexy Rexy. And speaking of the Bears, Tommie Harris is having an MRI done on his knee today following last night's MCL injury. Seriously, Dan Cody is on the IR again, Dvorcek blew his ACL in Week 1, Andre Woolfolk is probably injured, and Mark Clayton is having an ankle problem. What the hell is the deal with former Sooners in the NFL? Is Peterson's kneecap going to sprout wings and fly half-way down the field by Week 8? At this rate would it even be surprising?

Moving on to the world of fashion. I think leopard print flats are stupid. In fact, most flats look ridiculous because they remind me of pool shoes. Jesus, why do I even know what flats are? Someone kick me in the balls just to make sure I still have them. I am, however, a big fan of crotchless skirts.

I have nothing else to add at the moment, so why don't we do a little link dumping:

-While she wasn't drinking her breakfast, the devilishly charming bee-spot came across a nice little video of Mike Gundy that would make Les Miles jealous. I have to hand it to him, as much as I detest our brothers to the north (and that hideous abortion of a color they pass as orange in Stillwater), this made me kind of like him. The article in question can be found here (this whole thing is blowing up all over the sports blogosphere at the moment, so it takes a minute to load, but it's well worth it. Thanks Newsok.com; glad to see you guys are prepared when more than three 16-year-olds want to look at pictures of Amy McRee).

-In case you weren't paying attention, the swinging lads at The Lost Ogle rounded out their list of Oklahoma embarrassments last week. They're now embarking on an even greater endeavor. Also, since they watch the local news for me, I must credit them with my current crush on Fox 25's Lauren Richardson. I've decided she and I are going to get married on the beach and have lots of quarter-Chinese babies. I think I'm going to write her a love letter tomorrow. Our star-crossed love will prevail!

-Next time your twig and berries/va-jay-jay wants some company, please open with one of these lines. Especially if I'm around. Personally, I like to open with No. 50, "This party reminds me of 9/11" or No. 75, "Can you believe the price of abortions these days? Honestly." Then after a few minutes of delightful conversation, I close with, "I'd like to spend the night with you. Romantically." What can I say, I run a first-class operation.

-Wesley Snipes is a lot of things. Action hero, former tax evasion expert, martial artist, and [should be] award winning philosopher. Seriously, if I can ever find a way, as referenced in the article, to incorporate "some motherf*#!ers are always trying to ice skate uphill," my life may be considered a success.

-Finally, I was perusing the interweb videos this morning and found this re-cut of a scene from arguably my favorite TGIF show ever, Step by Step. This got me thinking. The whole "Dear Sister" fad was started by the season 2 finale of The OC. The OC was f*#@king awesome. Especially season 2. We witnessed the emasculation of Ryan; the rushed but boner-inducing Marissa lesbian turn with a wildly underrated Olivia Wilde; the outstandingly cheesy and ludicrous Seth + Summer Spider-Man kiss; and of course, the aforementioned finale, seen here in glorious low-definition:

Awesome. I think I need to go buy Season 2 immediately. Till tomorrow folks!

Killing is my business, and business is good!

2007-09-21T14:33:00.000-05:00

While all the high school coaches are throwing a pity party (and rightfully so, I might add), there will be a football game going on in Tulsa. While I appreciate good defensive games from time to time, I would be a dirty, dirty liar if I said the offensive firepower on the field tonight didn't make me happy in my pants. Two of the top four offenses in the nation! In former Wishbone country no less!

Without a doubt, this is the best offense OU has faced in the young season (and might be the best one they face all year). While the Sooners are no strangers to the spread offense, given it's introduction to Norman in 1999 by Mike Leach which lead to it sweeping over the Big 12, few have seen the type that Tulsa offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn employs. It utilizes a lot of pre-snap movement, shotgun, and moves at a frenetic pace. The most important aspect being the no-huddle approach which leaves defenses little time to set up and swap personnel.

By that same token, this will be by far, the best defense Tulsa faces this year. The second stingiest in the country if my facts are right. All the defensive speed on the field should make the insane Golden Hurricane offense a little less imposing.

Sure, OU has already dispatched the North Texas spread and Miami's shotgun based passing attack, but North Texas was debuting a new offensive philosophy, and Miami, despite their decimation of Coach Fran last night, still kind of suck on that end of the ball. While they might not have Miami's athletes, they have players in the program that fit their style of football. Not to be underestimated.

In the end, you never know what can happen when playing these feisty in-state rivals, but OU is just too good on either side of the ball. And if it degenerates into a shoot-out, the Sooner defense will still have more stops than their overly generous Tulsa counterpart. Here's a representation of what OU should do to all who commit the exercise in futility that is opposing the Emperor Stoops and his charges.

Secrets kill friendships

2007-09-17T18:09:00.000-05:00

Like a good little half-Asian boy, I was walking to class this morning. On the way, I picked up a copy of The Daily, like most industrious college students do in the greater OU campus area. To my surprise, I found a story titled "Taxi cab confessions: Stay awake until 10." Why is this surprising you ask? Well, dear reader(s), follow along.

You see, the feature in the latest issue of Boyd Street (that came out 2 weeks ago) was about the goings on of Norman cab drivers. And it's sitting there, right next to the The Oklahoma Daily. Am I accusing The Daily of blatant theft of story ideas? No. Well, screw it, yes. Here at the magazine, we've let a lot of the shots taken at us from the direction of OU's student media slide. When they ripped up a bunch of our magazines and taped them to a toilet last year, we didn't do anything. When they scooped us on a story last year, what did we do? Not run the freaking story. It's really quite simple. I mean, what's the point? It's not like we're competing publications or anything. It's a magazine and newspaper for f*cks sake.

But, this young sirs and ma'ams is not cool. Getting scooped is just part of the business. This sh*t happens. Deal with it. To play devil's advocate, perhaps they didn't know about our feature. To which I say, bullsh*t. It's not possible. I've witnessed the hatred certain individuals at The Daily/Hub have for our little mag and know they would take any chance to bash it, as seen in the past. To say they were oblivious to Hunter's article is retarded. But hey, sh*t happens, water under the bridge. And hey, you have a paper that needs new content everyday, so sure, you might be running thin on ideas. Why run an article about taxi's during the first week of school when you have a flood of new freshman and returning, freshly minted 21 year olds when you can run it a month into the semester?

Because I have nothing else to add, take a peak at the future of the Oakland Raiders. JaMarcus who?

The decimation of Mormons

2007-09-14T15:29:00.000-05:00

[For a recap of last night's birthday party madness, feel free to visit ABiS]

I'll be honest with you. I know jack sh*t about tomorrow's game. All I know is the last time I heard, the spread was anywhere between 48-51.5. That's just insane. Sure the Sooners have looked beyond sexy the last two weeks, but half a hundred? Really? Not saying that it can't happen, but seriously, that's a sick line. Yes, it should be a complete demolition of Utah State, but holy crap are we getting some respect.

Aside from a more in-depth preview of the game tomorrow, there are a few other games I would like to touch on. Unfortunately, this has been a busier day than usual, so I might have to hold off on it. I will however say this. It wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility for OU to not break 50 tomorrow. The coaching staff might take tomorrow as an opportunity to work on the running game. Lost in the Oklahoma hype machine the past couple weeks has been the ground game being a little less overwhelming than originally thought. By no means have they been ineffective, and on the contrary, the chains have been moving on the legs of the backfield just as much as those of the receiving corp. More than anything, I'm just nitpicking here.

Perhaps I'll write something that digs a little deeper tonight. Depends on how strongly I hear the siren's song of delicious alcohol. Or I might just take it easy. But then again, who the hell do I think I am?!

Why are you watching TV and listening to the radio at the same time? Cause I like to party. (and what you might hear if Brothers had a jukebox)

2007-09-13T14:36:00.000-05:00

That's right folks, the night has come. Boyd Street is turning the big ... 4 today. Hey! Only 21 years younger than me! Sh*t. Please feel free to join us at Brothers on Campus Corner tonight for some drinking and general chicanery. Festivities start at 9 tonight and end when I pass out on a parked car outside. Tell your friends and any morally liberal, vaginally-advantaged person you know.

In other news, I'm way too into the '80s. Especially with music. While I always enjoy it, regular listening rotation comes in cycles. Well, two days ago, the cycle began anew. Hey, sometimes Whitesnake just sneaks up on you. Given the state of things, Matt and I imposed our musical will on the jukebox at Louie's Too last night. If you were one of the lucky people there wondering why there were heartfelt lyrics and wailing guitar solos blasting through the speakers instead of Usher, that was us. The hall party is that way!

Some delightful 80's rock picks, from my pool of excellence to yours:

The Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane: One of the most underrated songs of the arena-rock era. Always overshadowed by Winds of Change, which is disappointing, but understood. Seriously, listen to that guitar riff and tell me you don't want to do something awesome.

Whitesnake - Here I Go Again: Some of you are so young your first exposure to this was in "Old School" and not Tawny Kittain in 1987. Sad. Sad indeed. Just look at the intensity!

Def Leppard - Photograph: Thought it was going to be "Pour Some Sugar On Me," huh? While it is probably their best work, this is a song that is too often forgotten among people who didn't live through the '80s. Listen up kiddies! And notice the cowbell!

Foreigner - Juke Box Hero: Tough pick between this and "Urgent." Some people don't remember that Foreigner was a pretty rockin' group before the "I've been waiting for a girl like you" era. Which will be covered in a power ballad section at some point down the road.

Journey - Don't Stop Believing: The Cadillac of 80's rock. Timeless and fantastic. While the rest of their catalog is just as outstanding, nothing beats this song. Musically, I feel this song was well before it's time and am very happy with the minor Journey renaissance the Sopranos started this summer. Admit it, if you're white, you know every word of this song and will drop everything when you hear it. You're doing it now!

Fun trip down memory lane, no? I just found out John (the boss) has the 80's Gold collection. Eight CDs! Children of the '80s rejoice! At any rate, that's all I got for the moment. I leave you with my favorite internet fad of all time and the powerful voice that goes with it. You can Rick Roll me whenever the hell you want.

Oh, and if you missed tonight's rockin' party, there will be more. Oh yes.

Tuesday! Tuesday! Tuesday!

2007-09-11T08:49:00.001-05:00

Still looking for a worthwhile Tuesday night plan?

Why not stop by the Deli, where you can check out some great local bands for an even better cause.

Travis Linville, Mama Sweet, Camille Harp and Resident Funk will all be at the Deli Tuesday night starting at 9 p.m. to raise money for Kingfisher flood victims.

The cover is $10, and all of the proceeds from the door will be donated to the Kingfisher Salvation Army, then divided amongst the 130 families affected by the Aug. 18 flood.

“No one was prepared for this,” said event organizer and Kingfisher native Amie Stewart. “The people in Kingfisher that had the least now have nothing.”

The event will also host a raffle giving away more than $500 worth of gift certificates from local business’s like Othello’s, JR’s Barbecue and The Spirit Shop. Raffle tickets are $5 and will be donated to the victims.

For information on future fundraisers for the Kingfisher flood victims go to www.helpkingfisher.org.

OU vs. Miami (feat. a little college football No Pants Dance Party)

2007-09-07T14:13:00.000-05:00

Once again, it's game time, b*tches! This week we are paid a visit from our old, fellow, yayo snorting arch-rivals from the '80s (you know, the decade you were barely alive in, you freshman bastards). In 1985, the Jailbirds last visit to Norman, threateningly-handsome Troy Aikman had his OU career ended when he suffered a broken leg on a hit delivered by Jerome Brown. This ushered in the era of Jamelle Hollieway and his fur coats. From 1985-87, OU was 33-3, with all three losses coming at the hands of the Hurricanes and their rap sheets. As an aside, the off-field rivalry is something to behold in retrospect. Miami. Truly the only program that could go toe-to-toe with us from a corruption and possible coke orgy perspective. Good times. On to the game.

The Sooners should win. I say again, we SHOULD win. OU is clearly the more talented team, and after one week, seem to have the offensive balance that the current incarnation of the 'Canes could only sex-dream of. BUT, the Miami defense is insane. Arguably better than ours. The 11 young men that will be lining up opposite new favorite sons Sam Bradford and DeMarco Murray are beyond legit. When you consider the fact that Bradford can't conceivably make it rain/torrential downpour all over the field like he did last week, the ground game becomes exponentially more important. Last year, Miami's defense allowed a ridiculous 2.3 yards per carry. You'd have an easier time nailing the hot girl under the protection of her two fat friends after the game on Campus Corner than effectively running against that (or you could have two VERY nice/horny wingmen sweep in with nachos and hamburgers, making your job easier and the point of my craptastic metaphor moot. It really is the only way).

Notable players: defensive end/monsters Calais Campbell and Kenny Phillips (there is talk that he is the best DB to ever don a Hurricane jersey, which is high praise considering Ed Reed was playing centerfield for them in the not-so-distant past) are both projected to be possible Top 10 picks in the NFL Draft next year.

As dominant and intimidating as their defense is, the Miami offense is basically the exact opposite. They just don't have the talent at the moment. The formerly highly-touted savior of "Quarterback U," Kyle Wright, makes Miami fans long for the comparative competence of Brock Berlin. Thus, coach Randy Shannon has handed the keys over to Kirby Freeman, who thus far, makes recently departed Georgia Tech field general, Reggie Ball, look more like Peyton Manning, and less like the throw-into-triple-coverage interception machine that he was. Freeman's ability to read a defense could make the Sex Cannon smile/orgasm. That said, the 'Canes do have a pair of excellent, young running backs in Javarris James (cousin of former 'Cane and current NFL studmuffin, Edgerrin James) and Graig Cooper who could wreck havoc if given the opportunity.

Rextasy (far right) is here, and he's dishing out throwgasms.

In summary, again, OU should walk away the with the 'W'. However, this is a Miami team that one takes lightly at his own risk. If the 'Canes defense comes to play and Freeman can keep the picks under 3, this could be a 14-10 slugfest, or worse, an orgy of field goals.

The underrated key to this game will be OU's defensive front seven. If they can contain the Miami ground game, this has the potential to get ugly. Arguably, the most important battle on the field will be waged between man-houses Phil Loadholt and the aforementioned Campbell (6-8, 350 lbs. and 6-8, 285 lbs. respectively). Loadholt has been able to get it done by simply overpowering his opponents in the past, which lead to a stunted development in his footwork. Lined up against a freak of nature with rare speed for a man his size, this could be an issue. The fact that Loadholt covers the young Sam's blindside makes this match-up even more important. The keys to this game lie with one of the oldest cliches in football: control the line of scrimmage = winning the game. Or as Merv Johnson would probably say, the team that scores the most points is gonna win this one, Bob. It's that easy.

Screw you James Marsden! I'm the new pride of Putnam City!

[Here's a link to a nice article in The Daily about the game. Coincidentally, it was written by a writer for Miami's student paper and not one of our writers. Weird.]

Moving on to the Boyd Street's first College Football No Pants Dance Party:

Let's take a peak at some of the other games on the schedule this weekend.

No.9 Virginia Tech at No.2 LSU:

LSU, like in the recent past, is a scary team this year. If this game were in Blacksburg, I might be inclined to go with the Hokies in this one, but it's not, so I can't. Compounding the fact that it's a road game, Va Tech's offense looked quite anemic last week, and the offensive line could do nothing to protect quarterback Sean Glennon from the vaunted Eastern Carolina pass rush. Both defenses are pretty stout, but the Tigers are just a bit better.

Matt Flynn might have had a nice game last week while aerially gangbanging perennial SEC doormat but socially progressive (we have a black coach ... in the SEC!) Mississippi St.; however, I still don't trust the guy. One thing the Hokies have in their favor though is English language rapist, Les Miles standing on the opposite sideline. Miles reactionary, tiny-penis-syndromed coaching style historically fares poorly against well-coached football teams, which is what Frank Beamer traditionally brings to the field. Still, LSU is simply a better team this year, and thus, will probably win the "Tragedy Bowl."

"Called control at points" if I've ever seen it.

No.19 TCU at No.7 Texas:
After struggling against Sun Belt juggernaut Arkansas St. last week (just so you know, Ark St. is not good), Mack "I'll answer that for Chris" Brown's boys face off against a pretty good Horned Frogs team. I hope the Longhorns lose. If Texas wins I hope the fans take turns raping one another with corndogs to celebrate. Either way, I win.

Florida Atlantic at Oklahoma State:

This is only on here because I hate OSU. After being dominated by a young Georgia team last week, Bobby Reid and the Cowboys should find a lot less resistance on their way to the endzone this weekend. After they win by 30 or 40+ points, OSU can go back to touting its offense on the SCHOOL'S WEBSITE as the best EVAH while the student population learns the pros and cons of corn growing with sprinklers vs. classic irrigation, and the fanbase can continue debating the advantages of sexing sheep vs. a more aggressive animal like a mountain lion.

Yeah. This will never happen.

Oregon at Michigan:

Bounce back game here. Michigan is not a bad team. A once overrated team perhaps, but they are far from awful. Unfortunately, Oregon runs a similar offense to Appalachian St. and has better athletes than the boys from North Carolina. According to MGoBlog, App. State ran the same zone read play a whopping 21 times last week because Michigan's defense couldn't stop it or adjust to it and the linebackers are apparently retarded.

And finally ...

Notre Dame at No.14 Penn St.:

Jimmy Clausen makes his starting debut against a solid, veteran Nittany Lion defense this week. You might remember Jimmy from his ludicrous recruitment last year, his being the golden child of the prestigious Clausen quarterbacking family, or maybe you fed him on a trip to Arbuckle wilderness:

The manliest way to show off championship jewlery. EVER.

As an aside, why does the media collectively ejaculate over him being a Clausen. His older brothers sucked. Why should he be any better? The favorite team of Touchdown Jesus sucked last week, so I envision them sucking this week too. It won't happen, but there is a legit possibility that The Irish could be 0-8 heading into November and their annual slaughter of Stanford and America's service academies. The moral of the story? God hates the Catholics.

Well, I certainly hope you stuck with me through that. Enjoy the weekend and the orgy of football that it will be!

[I'm a liar folks. This turned out to be more of a marathon post than I originally thought, and you probably are fed up with my debatable writing talents for the day. Dating guide on Monday or Tuesday. Bank on it, or I owe you alcohol.]

Apologies, and K-State makes me laugh (and kind of cry)

2007-09-06T17:09:00.000-05:00

Sorry folks, no legit post today. Ending up a bit busier in these parts than originally anticipated, but what does that mean? It means next issue is going to be bigger and more awesome. So awesome in fact, that you might drown in the pool of excellence that will be pouring forth from the pages of the magazine. Also, that means you'll be getting a rare double post out of me tomorrow! I can tell you can't wait. Prepare yourself, you have a dating guide and business with Miami coming at you. Weiners and Hurricanes, people.

And just so I'm not leaving you completely hanging and wondering how you can get the last 30 seconds of your life back, here's the pregame video that will apparently be running prior to kickoff of our Big 12 colleagues, K-State's home games (run on sentences! I think. Meghan?) I swear to sweet Purple Jesus, if OU EVER makes and runs a video like this for home games I will pull my loyalties. Seriously, I'll switch to Arkansas full time.

I mean, come on. What year is this? That's supposed to pump up the crowd and not make them vomit? Well, it is Kansas so who knows. And K-State is, and has always, been a horrible ambassador for the color purple (This is what makes me kind of cry). For a full breakdown of this video, I hand you over to Swindle and Montana at EDSBS.

And just to clarify, this is Purple Jesus, who coincidentally, is a great addition to the color purple:

It may never catch on over at television, but goddammit if BDD over at KSK isn't a genius for bringing this new nickname into my life. Why couldn't someone around here have thought of that? Seriously. Oh yeah, if someone around here had done it they would have found out what Crucifixion + fire felt like. Or they might have just been given a bunch of dirty looks and severe tongue lashings (but not in a sexy way, right? right?). There really isn't any gray area, just either end of the extreme I think. Sorry, forgot where I was for a minute. Till tomorrow, friends!

Hot! Hot! Hot!

2007-09-05T13:41:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the tardiness in posting this week. I was going to handle some fantasy football business on Monday, but it's basically boring, and honestly, I decided to spend the day recovering from the weekend by playing some good ol' Warcraft. It was pretty uberleetsauce. Needless to say, a lot of people were roflstomped. You probably don't know what that means, but I assure you it's awesome.

Yeah, so it's Wednesday, and everyone has already talked about the spectacular weekend of college football. I'll refrain from adding my two big cents, because let's face it, you've probably heard it already.

Before I move on, however, I must throw this at you (for those who don't frequent EDSBS). In advance, apologies to the strapping young lads, Crimenotes and Flop, over at Cole Slaw. The two of you have undoubtedly seen this and given increasingly positive consideration to committing seppuku with a frisbee. We've all been there. Kind of. Well, maybe not like that, but damn close.

And how could I forget the Appalachian State video. After all it's "Hot! Hot! Hot!" Watch it and listen to the song. I dare you not sing it to yourself for no apparent reason in an hour:

For whatever reason, well actually because I couldn't fall asleep last night, I can't think of anything worthwhile, or potentially humorous (at least to me) to add. To make me feel better about this, how about a video of the Hipster Olympics:

Have a good hump day. I'll have something that's not mindless drivel for you all tomorrow. Of course, I'm talking about my pet project...The Freshman Guide to Dating Other Heterosexual Males! Tell you friends! And your moms.

BOOMER!

2007-08-31T14:01:00.000-05:00

It's the most wonderful time of the year! If you could hear my voice as opposed to read it on your computer screen, you would know that I was singing that line from one of my favorite Christmas songs. But you can't hear me so it's a moo point. You know, like a cow's opinion (Joey Tribiani, anyone?). Of course, I'm not speaking of Christ's not birthday, but of college football.

And tomorrow, our beloved Sooners take the field against the Mean Green of North Texas. I wouldn't feel so bad of the slaughter that will ensue if I didn't like their name so much. Kind of like the Thundering Herd from Marshall. Not enough creative names out there. Anyhow, here's a picture depicting what EDSBS says about tomorrow:

Though the spread is 41, and a lot of people see this as an opportunity to bet on UNT, I'm not so sure. Granted, in recent years, OU has a tendency to play to the level of their competition (at least for a quarter or half) and hasn't always come out of the gate with both guns blazing, but UNT is awful this year. They have the potential to be the worst team in the country. Kings of the Sun Belt no more.

First off, they're breaking in a new coach. Always a dicey proposition. Second, and perhaps more importantly, they have a completely revamped offense. They're leaving behind the punishing ground game that once terrorized the mid-majors for the new hotness of the spread offense (well, it might not be that new anymore, but still, the popular college choice). Allegedly, they will be running a lot of 4 receiver sets, rotating a whopping "at least 9" wide receivers. When you figure in that their leading returning wideout had 14 catches last year, which is more than the combined receptions of the rest of the wideouts on the roster, this is a recipe for disaster. And offensive ineptitude.

In essence, it's not entirely dissimilar to what Bill Calahan did during his first year in Nebraska. Except Nebraska still had some decent running backs, a serviceable line, and an above average defense. UNT has none of these things.

Still, some questions remain. We ourselves, are breaking in a new quarterback. And, I hate to say it, but there a lot of idiot OU fans out there that will be screaming for Keith Nichol if Bradford gets off to a slow start (The Lost Ogle was exactly right in bringing this up). DeMarco Murray has been insane in scrimmages, but it's gametime now. Though I really, REALLY doubt it, we've had players that have blown everyone away until the game's mattered. That said, he's still f*cking awesome. I'm just trying not to get too excited, since the disappointment would lead me to drinking (more). If he hasn't broken a big run by halftime, I'll be very surprised. Enjoy some of his high school and spring game exploits:

At any rate, this game should be a slaughter, and a nice little tune-up for Miami, who I think a lot of people are underestimating, but more on that next week. For more football, feel free to take a peak at the other blog. Well, kids, enjoy the weekend, enjoy the game, and I'll see you all on Campus Corner tomorrow night!

How much do you weigh?! I'm not comfortable answering that right now, I'm still carrying some holiday weight.

2007-08-30T13:19:00.000-05:00

I rather enjoy fried goods. Well, rather enjoy is inaccurate. Would lavish the creator of chicken fried steak with flowers, chocolates and unicorns is more like it. I even posted a fried foods mock draft a few months back the other blog.

However, in an effort to not die of a heart attack by the age of 30, I've once again tried to eat a little healthier. Aside from a pizza, one trip to McDonald's and the previously mentioned Taco Bell incident, I've kept my crap food intake to a reasonable minimum. Grilled chicken, baked fish and Lean Pockets are all quite delicious in their own right, you know.

Anyway, I was working at the liquor store last night and started to get hungry, and given that I had a fantasy football brainstorming session (which will be elaborated on next Monday), there would be no time to make myself dinner until after midnight. This was not an option.

I suddenly had the urge to eat some Long John's. Say what you will about the establishment, but holy Christ that batter is amazing. As I've mentioned before, you could put that batter on damn near anything and I would eat it without a second thought. Who cares if the fish itself is of subpar quality (at best) when it's covered in that greasy, golden layer of delicious crunchiness. And hushpuppies. Heaven help me. Coincidentally, I despise cornbread, which is what a hushpuppy is, except fried. This only further proves my theory that everything tastes better fried in tub of fattening oil.

So yes, I went to Long Johns and patiently waited 7 minutes for my treasure chest of deep fried delights. Despite the fact the rat bastard at the window forgot my extra tarter sauce (which is another thing I don't really like, but for some reason I think the Long John's variety is the sh*t), I plowed through it like a homeless man and his half pint of The Shop's finest Kentucky Deluxe.

My mouth and stomach thanked me, even if my ass, belly and thighs are currently refusing to return my calls.

Who needs AA?

2007-08-29T15:10:00.000-05:00

As I've mentioned before, I love me some delicious alcohol. So naturally, on most weekend nights (or Tuesday morning's) you'll find me with a beer or cocktail in my hand, and disturbingly more often, both. And sometimes, I haven't eaten yet, and I go to a magazine staff meeting and have a couple of rum and cokes (Myers people, not that Bacardi or Captain Morgan garbage; I know, I'm a snob), which of course leads me to get a little bit tipsy. Meghan was not happy with me.

So anyway, it's this past Friday night and I convince the new/old roommate to accompany me to Campus Corner. I'd been off the bottle for four days now, and dammit, I needed to get drunk. Being that we are both smokers, this limits our destination choices. I decide on Louie's Too, because it's kind of awesome. Naturally, the former Crimson Creamery is becoming crowded, but being the soldiers of alcohol that we are, we braved the onslaught of the occasional douchebag and armada of fantastic breasts. Tough life.

Fast forward a few hours. I've been obliterated for a while now and have just discovered that the jukebox once again has the search function (I will pay $2 per song for my indie rock, dammit!). Needless to say, this excites me and I proceed to pour money into said musical device.

I run into a girl I have met at least three times but who's name I am always too drunk to remember. We're very borderline acquaintances at best. However, our previous interactions lead me to believe she's a cool young lady. And she's kind of hot, but that's neither here nor there. We decide to take a round of whiskey shots when "Wild Wild West" by Will Smith explodes out of the speakers. The song never comes. We settle for "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder. It plays and shots happen. Awesome.

I'm now beyond shitcanned. The offer comes down to take our show on the road. Down the road we go to mystery person's humble abode. Hey there, Big Lebowski, and may I say, hello there Mr. Dank, you're looking well indeed. I discover I have never thought Walter Sobchak could be this funny. I proceed to bask in my own glory for a little bit. After what was probably five minutes, I realize I haven't eaten since lunch. I'm starving. I thank my new friends for their hospitality and make my way home (and yes, I do know said young lady's name now. It's [name redacted]).

I get home heavily under two influences. No, I didn't drive. Steve and I decide to order pizza. It is a giant clusterf*#k. He hangs up on Pizza Shuttle three times. On the fourth attempt, he cannot grasp the concept of one coupon per order. He asks if he can use the same one twice instead. The answer only confuses him further. He hangs up on the guy again.

At this point, our friend Matt (who has come over) looks at us condescendingly and says, "You two have accomplished nothing! You guys have been trying to order pizza since I got here and that was 25 minutes ago." He's right. Since Steve can't seem to figure the phone out, I try my luck with the Shuttle guy. I too fail miserably. We've been trying to order food for almost 45 minutes now. We make the executive decision to go to Taco Bell. I hate Taco Bell, but obviously, I'm not thinking clearly.

We arrive at the Bell and I start ordering random things that appear to be delicious. I kid you not, my order was $15.42. Just mine. Holy God, I'm gonna die. We return home and try to watch Flight of the Conchords whilst eating our burritos. I discover two things. First, I can't eat $15 of food from Taco Bell (in my defense, they messed up my order, which would have been around $10 otherwise). Well, I think that might be a lie. I can do it, but I would lose all self respect I think. I ate six of my seven burritos. Damn you all for judging me.

Go to the Union tonight or we will fight.

2007-08-24T15:17:00.000-05:00

UPDATE: Apparently, the show has been rescheduled for next Thursday night at 7:30 in the p.m. So, if you go to the union anyway tonight...I guess enjoy some cheesefries from Crossroads...or something.

Title says it all fellow students and Normanites. For the low, low price of FREE, you can see three excellent Norman bands put on a show just for you! Right in front of the student union! Here's a sample of the complete badassery, your headliners, The Starlight Mints, will be dropping on your unsuspecting ears.

Be there or be a douchebag.

Fatalities and Facebook/Off!

2007-08-21T14:32:00.000-05:00

A couple of days ago, John, the owner and our fearless leader at the magazine, gave me a call. He had a question about the "Tilt," which was the old arcade at the mall here in Norman and figured I would be among the few who would remember it/have spent money there. As fate would have it, he was right on both counts (pardon me as I set myself on fire).

Be that as it may, our conversation got me thinking. The Tilt was f*#king awesome back in the day. Sure, it's counterparts at Crossroads Mall and Quail Springs up in the city were far superior, but ours got the job done. It had X-Men, The Simpsons, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Lethal Enforcers, and Area 51. Honestly, that's all you really needed.

Of course, as we entered high school, dropping money at the arcade went the way of No Fear/Mossimo/Yaga T-shirts, Umbros, and Silvertab jeans (I had some purple Silvertab jean shorts in 7th grade ... and basically a rainbow of Umbros. It was hot). For a few years, we didn't enter what was once our prepubescent holy land.

Quite possibly the pinnacle of early to mid-90's fashion.

Then senior year came along. Back then, I was reasonably infamous for the war I waged on going to class (much like my current war on sobriety). Unfortunately, being 17 or 18 in Norman, Oklahoma leaves one little to do during school hours. Therefore, one had to occasionally be creative.

So, on one fateful day, myself and a couple of friends took the afternoon off and went to the mall. As we walked around drooling over college girls, we came upon our old stomping grounds. We entered. Much to our surprise, little had changed. Then we came upon it. Carnevil. It was one of those games where you had the gun and shot the crap out of people, except this one didn't have pistols, it had a pair of motherf*#king neon orange pump-action shotguns.

That's right. Giant, demonic babies try to kill you.

Needless to say, we were dumping money into an arcade game again. Actually, it wasn't that much, considering it was ridiculously short and easy, but still. Good times! Unknown to us at the time, the events of that afternoon would set the precedent for the famous Crazy Taxi incident. But alas, that is a story for another time.

And now, for all you Facebookers out there (which I guess is everyone who is in/has ever been in college), enjoy:

Welcome back temporary Normanites!

2007-08-20T11:21:00.000-05:00

Alright folks, welcome back to another year of higher learning at the most sterling of academic institutions, your favorite and mine, that beautiful University of Oklahoma. And of course, we send a hearty hello to all the new freshman. I look forward to seeing you all leave the Physical Science Center, Felgar, Catlett, and Sarkeys for the half mile walk back to the dorms. Trust me, it's great times.

Sinking into the Earth. Allegedly anyway. Must be all the heartless sinning that comes with a college campus.

Quick note on Sarkeys. I've been in Norman for a hell of a long time. So long in fact that I remember when construction of Sarkeys finished and everyone made a big deal about how it was the tallest building in Norman. That was in 1991. I was 10 years old. You, our dear incoming freshman, were 2 or 3. I hate you.

Hi, we're the Simpsons. We've been on television longer than you have been alive. This makes Alex want to eat a gun.

Actually, that's my favorite thing about the fall semester. Seeing all the wide-eyed freshmen kiddies with their little campus maps and a bounce in their step. College! It's gonna be so much cooler than high school. It'll be like school with beer. Which, coincidentally, is exactly like high school, but I digress.

So, again, on behalf of all of us at the magazine, welcome or welcome back.

The Kevin Durant Experience, is (might be) coming to your ci-taaay.

2007-08-14T12:30:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Aubrey McClendon. You're the co-owner of an NBA team. So, stop thinking that this is the wildest f*#king west of the oil/natural gas industry and shut the hell up. You're ridiculous comments in the Oklahoma Journal Record potentially set me seeing Kevin Durant in Oklahoma City back a year, or four. Thanks for giving the good people of Seattle an assload of sympathetic support in their bid to keep the team half a country from my hungry eyes.

That's right, some Dirty Dancing and Eric Carmen's immortal opus all up in this b*tch. Man crush on Kevin Durant? You better believe it. Speaking further on him, I think it's time he got a new nickname. "KD" is completely worthless. It's too similar to Kevin Garnett's, "KG," (though Garnett's "The Big Ticket" isn't bad) and reminds us all of Kentucky Deluxe. Bad news bears, indeed.

Why yes, I am, in fact, all that is man.

Seriously, athletes have the sh*tiest nicknames these days. A-Rod/D-Wade (retarded), Bron Bron (p*ssy), LT (now we're just recycling now). The only really good one is "Sex Cannon" for Rex Grossman, but that one isn't even real. It'd be nice to think of something totally sweet like Iceman, but obviously, it's already taken, and as you know, I'm not that creative. For my initial vote, let's go with Thunderc*ck. While we're on the topic of basketball, I've found a new T-shirt to covet.

Feel free to buy me one because you love me.

SantaCon Muthaphuckkas!

2007-08-13T13:39:00.000-05:00

I know, you hear SantaCon and you immediately think, "Holy tits, Batman! A Santa Claus Transformer under the leadership of mighty Megatron!" Well, I was disappointed when I found this wasn't the case, and because I had to have a moment of sadness, you do too. It's only fair. Stop judging me.

While it is a decently accurate portrayal of what one might look like, this in fact is not a Santa Transformer. It is, however, what a weird drunk guy looks like.

It might not be a robotic Santa that comes equipped with lasers, rockets, bag of coal/grenades that can transform into a sleigh and will put a rocket up your milk-and-cookies ass, but it's pretty much the next best thing.

Those who come from bigger cities than Norman are probably familiar with things like SantaCon, which is the same idea as say, Comic-Con (in a manner of speaking), with the exception that it (especially around here!) involves a lot of drinking and everyone participating has had an orgasm induced by something that wasn't a drawing.

Hello. I noticed you from across the party...

Until about a week ago, I was unaware that there are a group of badasses right here in Norman who participate in a local Santacon each year (with the exception of last year due to a variety of issues). Each December, days before your personal Lord and Savior's birthday, they load up onto a bus and go barhopping throughout Oklahoma City.

Hey. It's noon. Somewhere.

Being a lover of the Christmas holiday, and more importantly, being an alcoholic, I'm all over this sh*t. I mean, it might not be October yet, but it's never too early to start planning for these things. Just thought I'd throw this idea out there. Plant the seed in your heads now, you know. All I know is come December (or at any given time, I suppose) I'm going to be just as trashed as notorious choker/p*ssy/c*ckmonger...

Eli Manning. However, I'll at least look deliciously handsome as opposed to a tall baby, and then...

I'll do something sexy with someone I THINK looks like this, but will more accurately look like...

this giant assed goat.

I'm pretty.

2007-08-10T16:49:00.000-05:00

When you work at a liquor store, you come across a lot of interesting characters. Some are pretty cool, some kinda suck, but they are all drunks to one degree or another. Of course, for every Brookhaven soccer mom who comes in and buys some fancy wine she can drink with her orthodontist husband, there is the person who comes in for a pint of Kentucky Deluxe/McCormick. These are generally the most interesting, because people from seemingly every walk of Norman life purchase them at some point or another, so you get a broad spectrum of personalities.

One of these pint of KD/McCormick folk, I recently discovered, has a thing for me. A couple of weeks ago, she came in for said pint. Ashley, one of my co-workers at The Shop, was ringing her up, and pint lady decided to let her feelings be heard.

Pint Lady: Just look at him.
Ashley: (looks confused)
PL: I call him, Luscious, because every time I look at him that's what I think.
A: Sorry, who are you talking about?
PL: Him (points at me). It's that hair.
A: Oh ... he has a lot of it.
PL: What do you call him?
A: I just call him Alex.
PL: (shakes her head and walks out)
Big Matt: (maniacally laughing at me) Hey Luscious, run over to Homeland.
Me: F@#k.

Yeah, there are a lot of adjectives out there that accurately describe me. Deliciously handsome, unsurprisingly intelligent, terrifically witty, carrying some holiday weight, and sex cannon are some that come to mind. Luscious is not. Luscious is just about the last thing that would probably be on that list. That or creamy. I don't guess you can ever describe a person as that, but I just don't like that word.

Now, you may recall that I said a wide range of people get the cheap pint, so there is a chance that this person isn't a creature of some sort. Well, I guess it's just my luck because this is actually a pretty accurate portrait of her:

Take away that facial hair and that's about her. Hot. To make matters even more ricockulous, the week before she was caught trying to take a sh*t on the sidewalk that runs along the side of our building. Dead serious. The Mighty Horse had to run out there and stop her. Good lord, if these are my fans I might just go home and eat a gun. Have a good weekend!

Hey everybody! Come see how good I look!

2007-08-09T15:53:00.000-05:00

I don't know if you got the memo, but along with being a pretty big deal, I'm a stone freakin' fox. It takes a lot of work to keep this physique. My regimen involves minimal exercise, a lot of time sitting on a couch, hours on the Internet, and most importantly, drinking. In fact, Modern Drunkard lays out an excellent diet rule when they say the key to any diet is to find one that allows you to lose weight without decreasing your drinking. Rule to live by right there, people.

BDD at KSK helped champion "The Breadwich," an integral part of a diet that allows you to drink even more! Winners everywhere!

Speaking of diets, it's important to note that eating mass quantities of fried goods is also essential to developing a figure that is eye-catching to the ladies out there. Supersizing is a must! When funding takes fast food out of the equation until your next paycheck, it's important to keep your house stocked with emergency power food. Hot pockets, party pizzas and whole hams are just a few of the things that should be in your fridge at any given time. For those who are into cooking their own meals, Captain Caveman over at With Leather offers this sound advice:

"I've found that a cut-up hot dog really adds some elegance to a dinner of macaroni and cheese for one."

Also, let us not forget the Cadillac of home-cooked excellence. I'm obviously speaking of Hamburger Helper. A whole box is great for a night in with your DVD player. It's also phenomenal for dates! This shows off your culinary skills to your lady friend, and it's common knowledge that the ladies love a man who can cook. Would you like some Four Cheese Lasagna, miss? Why yes, young squire! Can I offer you a glass of finest Franzia? Oh, how sophisticated! That's what would happen. Then, BOOM, it's gonna be no-pants dance time. Picture me rollin' b*tches!

No Ideas Pants Party!

2007-08-08T14:33:00.000-05:00

Here at Boyd Street we're, to varying degrees, functioning alcoholics. OK, that's a lie. I'm an alcoholic, but everyone else is a more casual drinker. Fags. Given my most glorious of diseases, I think before I go on I'll grab another drink. I mean it's noon, right? Somewhere. And because I may or may not be drunk right now, I think these videos/links are funny.

Minesweeper: The movie!

Daft hands: A bit old now, but unrelentingly awesome.

Ten reasons guys are better than girls. Fine. Dumber.

More proof that those guys at The Lost Ogle are awesome and more creative than me.

Something for you sports fans, because dammit, I hate the f#@king New York Giants.

I'll have something kickass for you all tomorrow. I promise.

You are all witnesses. Behold, America's savior.

2007-08-07T13:22:00.001-05:00

I have a new political hero, and his name is Tom Tancredo. Hey, that rhymes. I'm a poet and did not know it (Scarlet Pimpernel anyone?). This story originally broke last week, but I'm lazy and let's face it, half of you that read this (so, one of you) probably haven't heard this.

He wants you! Out of here!

Tancredo has decided that the best defense against terrorists is a good offense. Specifically, if we get a nuclear jihad put on us, Tancredo wants to bomb the f*#k out of Mecca. I'm assuming that most of his advisers pulled a Kool-Aid man right about then...

Over on CNN.com they quoted, apparently, the second dumbest person on the planet:

“This shows that we mean business,” said Bay Buchanan, a senior Tancredo adviser. “There’s no more effective deterrent than that. But he is open-minded and willing to embrace other options. This is just a means to deter them from attacking us.”

Thank the stars, or your personal lord and savior that he's open-minded. That puts me completely at ease. Oh wait, no it doesn't.

“If it is up to me, we are going to explain that an attack on this homeland of that nature would be followed by an attack on the holy sites in Mecca and Medina,” Tancredo said. “That is the only thing I can think of that might deter somebody from doing what they would otherwise do. If I am wrong, fine, tell me, and I would be happy to do something else. But you had better find a deterrent, or you will find an attack.”

Look out terrorists! Your days are f*#king numbered! And Tom hasn't forgotten our enemies at home! Look it (from his website)!

Roe is a scar on the moral and intellectual history of the country...

Preach it (please tell me you remember Roe vs. Wade from high school. If not, grab some thinking juice and get on wikipedia)!

In rational debate, the argument against something is that it is false, not that it is hurtful. But political correctness has poisoned the climate for dealing with difficult issues and has returned us to the days when a sufficient counter-argument was that an idea was contrary to doctrine. A democracy that cannot tolerate debate on controversial issues cannot function.

Who needs to be PC when you're right and everyone else is wrong!? If you disagree with Tom, you're a terrible Christian, and probably a heathen and terrible person. We'll just go ahead and say that Satan awaits you, too.

Activist courts have ignored the principal legal argument that the state's interest in marriage is procreation. Population is power. Society needs a young generation to defend the country in battle, to support its programs with taxes and to carry on its culture and traditions. The mere fact that two people are in a loving relationship does not matter to the state. Society supports traditional marriage because it is the only union which, in the ordinary course, leads to children, without the intervention of a third party.

Damn those gays and their science! Everyone knows that you just get married to please each other secularly. Love is for p*ssies and gay people! And of course, the only reason to make babies is to groom them for the army, which will only lead to social and intergalactic dominance! OK, maybe not the intergalactic part, but it wouldn't surprise you if it was in there for real, would it?

And that's how the kids got married.

See why he's awesome? Mostly because he might be/probably is insane. I really hope that this is just the tip of the iceberg, because I really think America could use a Kim Jong-Il (he's like a James Bond villain!). Just somebody that is so out there that he might as well be a cartoon character.

This leads to an interesting question though. In 2004, a good number of people said they voted for Bush, not because they necessarily agreed with him, but because at the very least, he had a plan, whereas Kerry seemed to not. So, if by some sick (but comically awesome) twist of fate Tancredo does get the Republican nod and goes up against a Kerryesque Democrat, could history repeat itself? Just meaningless food for thought. Also, a vote not for Tom Tancredo means that terrorists have already won. Think about what kind of world that will leave for the children produced by your loveless marriage.

Terrorism (and maybe America's) worst nightmare!