Nocturnal Emissions

He Don't Wanna Kiss...He Just Wants to Fuck Fuck Fuck.

2009-09-27T10:40:00.002-05:00

This post was originally going to be called; "So, He Won't Kiss You...Yet, He Wants a Blowjob, To Blow Your Back Out, and Possibly Have You Climb His Back." But, I figured that would have been too much of a mouth full.

I was at work the other night, talking with one of my gal pals, when the conversation veered off into sex and men. Mainly, the weird sexual hangups that some men seem to have. Like, for example, how a straight guy might refuse to passionately kiss a girl that he's fucking around with, yet, this same guy will eat her pussy until the cows come home. Isn't it odd how these great discussions seem to start when yours truly is around?

I got to thinking about the alternate Gay version of this conundrum. You know, that Gay guy, usually a "top", who doesn't want to kiss nor blow the other guy he's hooking up with (or on a date with), yet, expects to get served some ass with a blowjob on the side. I've personally seen this situation far too many times. But, two times in particular seem to stand out for me. One, an online hookup and potential date, from last Fall, whose fuckery was just too much to deal with. The other, a date from a month ago.

Guy number one, "Homeboy", I met on Adam4Adam. I loved his photos, which later turned out to be completely fake and stolen from an escort's page. The conversation was cute, he seemed intelligent enough, and he had a good job in real estate. With all of that going for him, I figured I would consider talking to him and see it might lead. And, did I mention those hot photos, which he lifted from the sexy escort's page? I mean, he wasn't unattractive, he just wasn't what I expected. Anyway, it was a cold mid-November Saturday night when Homeboy and I decided to hangout at his temporary home, which also housed his family. I got to his place and noticed the difference in his appearance. But, just like he was intelligent enough, over the phone, he was just cute enough, in person, for me to decide not to ask the million dollar question. Plus, I was
curious about him. Not the "I wanna get to know him" kind of curious, but, the "I wanna study him" kind of curious. I mean, I have a guy here who, one, used fake photos online, two, had the balls to meet with me, and three, did feel compelled to address the obvious elephant in the
room. This was a new kind of fuckery, and I had to investigate it further.

Homeboy and I sat on the couch for awhile, channel surfing, until he invited me into a cluttered and cramped guess bedroom, to finish watching "The Borne Supremacy" on HBO. We laid in bed, cuddling, heavy petting, you know, the usual. But, every time I tried to kiss him
anywhere near the mouth, he would do this sly little move where he would try to steer my head to his crotch. Fed up, I asked him what was up. Homeboy then told me that he doesn't kiss anyone until getting to know them better. So, he didn't want to kiss me, yet, he wanted a blowjob. What the fuck kind of logic is that?!?

Mentally, I threw my hands in the air, said "whatever", and gave him some lack-luster head. I mean, I was bored, it was late, and I didn't feel like making a trek all the way back to my place. After I got bored of blowing Homeboy, he got up and went over to a drawed storage
container by the bed. In which case, he pulls out and throws onto the bed a condom and a small jar of "dollar store" Vaseline. I my head, I'm asking myself: "what kind of fuckery is this guy?". I picked up the jar, looked Homeboy square in the eye, and asked what the hell it was for. He
then informs me that its supposed to be "lube". What the fuck is this, that OZ show? I then sighed, looked back at him, and simply stated: "Nah, its really not." I hate when men are uneducated about the "basics" of man-on-man action.

After I shut Homeboy down, we agreed to take our asses to bed. He bitterly slept on his side and I slept on the other, until the morning came, and I took my ass home to sit in front of the TV with a Mcgriddle. After that morning, Homeboy and I never spoke again.

Guy number two, the "Debater", I met back in July. One Saturday, after a week of "sexting" back and forth, we had an impromptu late-night date. There wasn't much romance between us, but, we had a cute time. He took me to Shadow Bar, where I ended up getting another sexy guys' number. We took a late-night stroll around the Gayborhood, which ended in us going to IHOP for whatever meal it is that occurs at three AM. While waiting for our food, we had the chance to really talk. The Debater had a lot going for him. He was not only sexy, but, he was smart-a recent graduate from Los Angeles, who decided move back home, to Chicago, for law school and to teach the art of Debate to high-schooler's. The more we talked, the more i liked him, and seemingly the more chemistry we had.

After IHOP, the Debater and I came back to my place to unwind. We watched a little TV, cuddled, and started fooling around. Between all of the rubbing, touching, and groping, I made my way to kiss him on the lips. While playing with his dick, he gives me the line: "I don't usually kiss somebody til I get to know them..." I then asked him how long that usually takes, which he tells me is two dates. Yet, he was alright with us "sixty-nining" together. I was somewhat fine with that, and we continued our activity. But, not ten minutes later, he broke his little kissing rule, and began the "sex debate". He wanted to have sex, mainly, he wanted to fuck me. I then picked up his earlier line, about kissing, and threw it right back at him.

Needless to say, he didn't like hearing his own line coming from someone else's lips. But, he got over it, and we had a hot little "session" before he left. The Debater and I continued talking, on and off, after that night, but, it just never went anywhere.

My question is this; what is the mentality and reasoning behind the guy who's up for fucking, and everything else under the sun, yet, doesn't want to lip-lock?

About Last Night: The LUXe "Download" Party

2009-08-11T20:52:00.000-05:00

Last week, while on vacation from work, I was looking for the perfect way to put a cap on my week off, and the perfect Friday night segway into the weekend. I started the week with a drag show and $1 drinks at Republic, on Monday, and wanted to do something fun yet different then what I was used to. Don't get me wrong, I love The Prop House-maybe because I only go four times a year, in fact, I was there a week before and had a great booze-filled time. I just wanted try meeting a different crowd, at a different venue, other then the "Prop crowd". The Chicago
gays know what I'm talking about. Plus, I wanted to go out, look sexy and seductive, get a little drunk, and "get my life".

Which lead me to this:

LUXe is a new entertainment/party-promoting group in Chicago's Black Gay nightlife. They've thrown a couple events/parties already this summer, including a Blk Gay Pride "thing" in early July. Even though I've been invited to their past events, I wasn't able to check things out, because of my work schedule. Still, I found it interesting that I hadn't heard any of the usual gay "buzzing" about whether or not these parties were the "tea". Ironically, one of this groups' members happens to be Heartbreaker's(HB's) allegedly-crazy ex-boyfriend, while another member happens to be the not so good-looking neighbor that a screwed with last summer during one of my "low" moments. Small world, right?

Anyway, that night, after going to Forever-21 for a cute white fitted v-neck shirt, I came home, called the guys to let them know where to meet-up, and made my nighttime "transformation". Even though it was drizzling out, and I was of course without my umbrella, I didn't let that deter me from my quest to have a great Friday night clubbing with my buddies. Besides, I looked way too sexy to just stay home, on a Friday night, because of a little rain.

Downtown, we made our way to the large castle known as Excalibur Nightclub. Once inside, my buddy quickly pointed out not only how "dead" the place was, but also how "queen-filled" it was, and if we should go somewhere else. I, on the other hand, noticed the lack of eye candy, and told him that it was still an early twelve midnight, and that we should give the place a good thirty minutes to fill up. Plus, after paying ten bucks to get us into that place, i was damn sure going to get my money's worth. That being said, we quickly made a bee-line over to the bar for a couple of "feel good" drinks, to make the situation enjoyable.

Walking around and sipping our drinks, we took in the club's posh atmosphere. The place was beautiful, the bartenders made great drinks, but, the function or party itself wasn't as "cutting edge" is it was advertised to be. Also, the "VIP" sections weren't exactly different from the rest of the place. The only thing separating the "VIPs" and the general crowd was an extra $50 and a velvet rope. In my opinion, the whole event was just a bit too pretentious for its own good. Basically, the creators were trying too hard. I like the "classy-urban" concept behind their events, but, hopefully, after enough trial and error, this entertainment group can tweak things enough to find the right formula for them.

Thirty minutes and one drink later, my southern buddy and I were still bored with the event, and decided to hop on the subway to hangout in the "Gayborhood" on the north side.

;-)

Update: 7-20-2009

2009-07-20T07:25:00.000-05:00

I've been gone for far too long...in more ways then one. Luckily, I'm done with school for the rest of the summer, and I can actually enjoy a summer for once. Plus, I finally have a much need vacation away from the job, starting this Friday.

Another reason why I haven't really been writing, I guess, is because I've been having a hard time organizing my thoughts so that they sound clear. I guess that's the downside of taking a Composition English class. But, I came around, and realized that my "freestyle-n-proofread-n-spellcheck-later" method of writing this blog is what feels natural to me, and puts the fun writing for me. Besides, I've never really been a "rule driven" person. Anyway, just like Georgina from "Gossip Girl", the boy is back.

I really don't know where to start, but, I'm drafting something right now that should be posted within the next couple days.

Stay with me guys.

;-)

23 Questions...The Birthday Edition

2009-05-30T09:40:00.000-05:00

Ok, my birthday was yesterday. But, since I had to work, I'm celebrating it this entire weekend (the 30-31st). I really want to take on being 23 with something different. A new outlook of things, a new attitude, and maybe trying a more "grown up" look. It is a year of Change right?

All that being said, and without being too wordy, this is a "Ask the Writer" post that I've been curious about trying for a while. Since I'm turning 23, I figure why not?

Here's how it goes: Readers can ask me as many questions as they like. But, of those questions, I will answer only 23 of the best and most interesting questions, which will be answered in an upcoming post. This post will stay up for 2-3 weeks, just to give people time to either find it or have time to think...there's no rush!

By the way, if you follow my Twitter, roca_fella07, you might already know...I got my nipples pierced the other day! I'm I still a prude?

Have fun.

;-)

Featured Video #1: "Strict" Top = "Stone" Lesbian?

2009-05-20T22:30:00.001-05:00

Ive been thinking about adding a "Featured Videos" section, to the Blog, for a while now. I'm just now getting around to. Its still in the trial-&-error phase, so I'll see how it goes. Also, I might be making my own "Gossip Girl" styled videos, this upcoming summer. Anyway, since I'm a YouTube junkie, and a lover of video blogs, my "Featured Videos" will feature videos from other bloggers and video makers, who's topics grab my attention. The content will range from important to funny...But, never "cheesy".

Which brings me today's video, by Xem VanAdams. I completely understand and agree with where he's coming from, in this video. He basically summed up my exact viewpoint in under ten minutes. And, you guys already know how I feel when it comes to sexual "labels" and whatnot.

Is he right?

Sidebar: I finally gave in, and Ive.......Joined Twitter! I'm giving it a try, so feel free to Follow me, Friend me, etc: http://twitter.com/Roca_fella07

;-)

Caught in the Spin-Cycle of Online Dating...Is There a Way Out?

2009-05-04T10:58:00.002-05:00

Back in February, I hit the one year mark...on my BGC (BlackGayChat) account. Yes, its no secret that I have a BGC account, as well as an Adam4Adam account. I mean, its 2009, what single, computer savvy, on-the-go, Gay man doesn't have a profile somewhere on the Internet?

In the past, I bashed the online dating "avenue" because I felt that the whole thing was just to robotic and inorganic. I compared online dating and looking through peoples profiles, to being the equivalent of browsing Urban Outfitters.com. But, instead of window shopping for a t-shirt, those on dating sites were just window shopping for a potential mate. I also thought it was somewhat tacky, and didn't think it would be "cute" to tell people, someday, that I met my fantabulous boyfriend on the Internet.

Moreover, I assumed that if someone had to resort to using the Internet, to meet a potential date, that they were basically admitting to not being able to find someone, the "normal" way, in the outside world. But, like with with so many other things, I marinated on it, opened my mind, grew a little, came around to the idea, and finally decided to create a couple new profiles online.

So, for the past year or so, I've been doing the whole "online" thing with the sole purpose of finding someone to date. After all, isn't THAT the service that one is signing up for, when one creates a profile on a Dating website? That's what I assumed at first. Until ten or so messages later, when I realized that about 80% (I'm being nice) of the men on those sites are looking for one thing...SEX.

I can't even keep track of how many guys have sent me messages, for the objective of "hooking up" with me. Or, in other words, to "chill". Yes, the term "chill", in urban Gay vernacular, is the new "lets fuck/play". And, I of all people am not going to stand atop my soapbox and wag my finger at those who are online for sex. I mean, with all the "one nights" and "hookup's" I've had, especially recently, I have no room to talk about anyone else. Even though I've tried it on occasion, that the whole "searching the Internet ONLY for sex" thing isn't really my cup of tea. I've actually been online, for the past year, looking for someone to date and get to know.

Which brings me to the other day. I was on BGC exchanging messages and having a little discussion with a guy who gave me quite the education. Here's how it went down (the short version):

Roc: ...Well, where else am I supposed to look?

User XYZ: if u lookin for love...then u definitely should not look for it on here....im sho u meet kats out and about....or at the club somewhere other then here....cause what they all lookin for on here.... quiet as its kept is sex....they just dont say it in the beginning of the conversation ...but if u tight to them then they'll get in yours drawers eventually....most dont keep it real on here.....they pretend to look for love but once u have sex then the idea of love goes out the door and then they r back on here lookin for love again ...which will be sex....and then they repeat the same thing they did with u.....but bgc is what u make it.....im here to check niggas out and see whos got the rite vibe for me to entertain.....normally if i meet one and we chill and or have sex....they dont call no mo after we chill.....so them i find myself back here lonely and lookin for the next thing.....sorry im just keeping it real man....this is my own experiences with bgc and this so called gay life....so i just flow with whats comfortable for me.....

After I marinated on User XYZ's two cents, I got to thinking about the fuckery known as Gay Internet dating. I mean, what the fuck? Is this what the Gay community is all cracked up to be? Are Gay men just destined to be stuck on "repeat" until the end of time?

More importantly, has "true love" become the Gay community's version of the "Holy Grail"?

;-)

Its Gone Out The Window

2009-03-10T21:28:00.000-05:00

A long time ago, when I started this Blog/Journal, a few posts in, I wrote a post about being celibate. Well, that's not the case anymore. That's right everyone, as of January 1st of this year, I'm no longer celibate. Was it all just a "phase"?

Why did I give up being celibate after nearly three years? I realized that, being a little older now, that I have a good enough "filtering" system, for figuring out whether or not a guy is "sponge worthy". Plus, I came to the conclusion that, if I want any hope of keeping a guy around, I'm going to have to start having sex. And, the whole "I'm celibate" thing isn't going to work if I want someone to be in a relationship with me.

Things have gotten interesting...To say the least.

;-)

Cautionary Tales #2: That Foot-Fetish Guy

2009-03-03T00:30:00.002-06:00

September 2008

What does one do, when he's been in a club, getting tipsy, and the cute enough guy that's been staring at him all night finally comes over, gives his spiel, and then asks: "Do you got some nice FEET?" Well, I took his number, laughed at the situation on my train-ride home, played text-tag with "Dr. Scholl" for a couple weeks, ended up at his place, and had a face-to-face encounter with a bottle of Anal Poppers.

Ok, let me explain. At the time, I was still trying to get over someone, bored, and wanted to prove to myself that I could move on...by fucking other people. Now, I know the whole "get over a guy by getting under/on top of a new one" formula is retarded. But, hey, I'm still learning. And, besides, Dr. Scholl was cute-in fact he was a local model/actor, so I was interested in seeing where this would lead.

Anyway, it was a boring mid-summer Sunday afternoon, the weather was perfect, and I wanted to get out of my apartment to do something or someone. So, I texted Dr. Scholl, and, before I knew it, we were making plains to hangout that evening at his posh downtown apartment.

After I had showered, freshened up, and put on some "smell goods", I made my way downtown, to Jewel, to pick up something to drink (his idea). As I was nearing his building I gave Dr. Scholl a ring to figure out exactly where to go. He directed me to his entrance, and I hopped on the
elevator to the 20th floor.

When I arrived at his apartment, I was amazed by how beautiful and large his place was. Even more amazing was the view, of downtown Chicago, from his balcony. He took the grocery bag I was holding, and motioned me to his living room couch. While I was busy soaking in the environment, and checking out the artwork on his walls, he had opened two of the drinks I had bought, and brought one over to me.

We sat, we chatted, we got comfortable, and then the weirdness started. While we were sitting next to each other, he asked if he could see my foot. I put my foot in Dr. Scholl's lap, he took off my shoe, and proceeded to examine my foot while massaging it at the same time. I didn't know what to think, say, or do. So, I took another swig from my Strawberry Smirnoff, and smiled.

After he got up close and personal with my feet, I was invited to watch TV, in his bedroom, drink and all. He stripped down, to his un-cute red undies, as soon as we got into his room, and I followed suite. He hopped in the bed, took a huge sniff of something from a small bottle, whipped out his huge disproportionate dick, and gave me that "You wanna suck?" look.

Now, during all of this, I took a second to look at the situation at hand. I realized that I wasn't all that attracted to Dr. Scholl. Even though he was cute, he was extremely boring and lack luster-a
quality that I absolutely hate in a man. I like to make out, and he didn't. Plus, his dick wasn't the least bit attractive-another quality I hate in a man. But, I was bored, he was there, and I was a little buzzed...so, why not?

I hopped in his bed, got in the sixty-nine position, and gave him a minor blowjob. In the midst of "blowing" Dr. Scholl, I stopped, looked him in the eye, and asked when he was going to reciprocate my oral favor. He told me that he was "ok", which also told me that it was time to put down the dick, and time to start negotiating. I hate having to negotiate sex, like a business transaction. It makes me feel like a "pro"-which doesn't bother me. But, in this day and age, negotiating is a must.

And so the negotiations began. We negotiated oral sex-which he didn't want to reciprocate, so I told him, flat out, that if I wasn't getting any he damn well wasn't going to get anymore mileage from my mouth. He then brought to the table the fact that he wanted to fuck me. We weakly negotiated THAT while he grabbed a Magnum and a bottle of Lube from his dresser.

Sidebar: By the way, hearing a guy trying "sell", or "market", his sex is one of the funniest things in the world. Apparently, when a guy is trying to persuade you to give him some ass, he will use all of weak lines that he can think of to try to convince you. Its hilarious! I mean, I would never feel the need to persuade sex out of someone. Its tacky. And, I think that if someone has to beg, or convince, anyone into sex, it might be a sign that the sex in question shouldn't be happening in the first place. Either that, or some kind of cash exchange should be taking place.

Anyway, I figured "what the hell", and decided to let Dr. Scholl at least TRY to use his disproportionately big dick on me. He tried, he failed. He tried again, and failed. This is when he took that small sniffing bottle, from earlier, handed it to me, and told me to take a big sniff from it. I examined the bottle, and knew exactly what it was. I mean, I've taken enough trips to various Sex Shops in the Gayborhood, seen enough porn, and been around long enough to know what ANAL POPPERS are. But, up until this moment, I never found myself face-to-face with an open bottle. Nonetheless, I played "innocent", and asked Dr. Scoll what exactly it was that he had handed me. I knew damn well what it was, but, I was interested in what he'd tell me it was.

According to him, that little bottle was just a vaporized "muscle relaxant". I knew better, but, my curiosity took over, and I took a big sniff. I was surprised by how familiar the Poppers felt...Because it was the equivalent of sniffing a fucking PERMINET MARKER! I was expecting a lot more from something that sales for $5.99 a "pop".

In a semi popper-induced haze, I decided that there was no way I was going to be fucked by Dr.Scholl. I brought having a mutual-masturbation "session", he was half into it, and we proceed. And what happens? He's done in under three minutes, I'm left laying in his bed, still working away, while he gets dressed and tides his apartment. When I'm done, he tosses me a towel, I clean up, he walks me to the elevator, and I leave.

On my way home, I couldn't help but to think about what just happened. And, I realized...If I had to go through all of that, just to end up masturbating alone in bed, I could've just layed in my own damn bed and had a hassle-free "release".

What did I learn from this?

If it doesn't feel right?...It shouldn't be happening.

;-)

So, I've Been Gone For A Minute (Update)...

2009-03-02T11:46:00.001-06:00

Before I make a new post, I just want to say: Ok, I know I've been gone for a while. Well, over a month to be exact. And, I hate it! I consider my Blog, like my Sidekick, my iPod, and my laptop, to be one of my "children". I hate not keeping up with my writing, but, there's a few reasons why I haven't been around.

School started back, mid January, and I've been busy ever since. Now, I have school, during the day, Monday-Thursday. Along with work, every night, Monday-Friday. So, by the time the weekend comes around, I don't feel like doing much of anything.

Having the Flu, last weekend, didn't help either.

But, I'm back now, and I'm going to be writing a lot more.

;-)

Club Hopping 101

2009-01-12T20:30:00.001-06:00

Its amazing what can happen in just a year's time. A year ago, I lost my "clubbing" virginity, and told you guys all about it. And, I remember it, just like it was yesterday.

A few weeks ago, I was looking through the various Club flyer's I had laying on one of my bedside tables, and it dawned on me. I've come such a long long long way from the club "virgin" I once was. That night, I was actually debating on where I wanted to spend my night...based on which place had the least expensive admission, the stronger/bigger/best priced drinks, etc.

I was surprised by how much my knowledge of the Club scene has expanded, in under a year. Now, I know which places, on certain nights, have which "drink specials". I've figured out where I can get more for my money. I figured out which crowds go to what places...meaning, I know where the hot guys and diverse crowds are.

Surprisingly, along the way, I've gotten "competed" drinks, discounted admission, been put on a few "VIP" list, and even gotten free porn. I like going to different places, and getting a "feel" for different environments. But, its great that, the more place I go to, the more choices I have for how I want to spend my free and single nights.

Its weird how things can change in just a year.

;-)

Cyndi Lauper: 55 Years Old, and Still Turning It!

2009-01-05T20:00:00.000-06:00

So, I'm up at 4am (should've took my ass to sleep at 3am), watching LOGO, and what do I see? A new-ish video from Cyndi Lauper (one of my favorite artists), called "Into The Nightlife". I liked it...especially the eye candy.

;-)

Happy New Year 2009!!

2009-01-04T08:00:00.000-06:00

Well, its a whole new year, and I'm back! I know its been a good minute since I've written anything. Luckily, that's something I'm working on for 2009, along with a few other things.

A lot has happened in the past few weeks, so, instead of making a long long long drawn-out post, I'll just give you the abridged version:

I had one of the greatest Christmas's and holiday weekend's of my life...with "Heartbreaker"! Yeah, we've been back in each others lives since November. And, its not what you might think. We're both still SINGLE. We're friends. We enjoy each other's company. And, we have "fun"...which sometimes involves kissing, a little heavy petting, and maybe some skin-to-skin action. Anyway, spending the Holiday with him made me realize what an amazing guy he really is. I mean, you can really see a guys true colors when he's around his family.

("Bottle Pop" - Pussycat Dolls) ShawnQt gave me some sound advice, a couple months ago, on being a "Naughty Boy"...and, I want to publicly thank him for it! He just didn't warn me about the backlash that being "naughty" could bring, from people who can't take it (LOL). By the way, when the red light comes on I transform.

Speaking of being naughty, I recently discovered that FAVORED lube is the shit...and can be used for multiple purposes (LOL).

I'm to be experimenting with the Blog. Meaning, a slight change in the format. As well as a format change.

("Procrastination" - Amy Winehouse) I'm starting to realize, that procrastination is one of my biggest faults. It gets in the way of me doing so much of the stuff that I THINK about doing. I mean, THIS post was supposed to be done the night of the 1st, while I was sitting on my bed, eating pizza. Cut to me typing away, on my Sidekick, while on my way home, on the subway (LOL). Procrastination is definitely my BIG thing to work on in 2009.

There's more to come...

;-)

Cautionary Tales: #1 - The Chatline Is Not A "Hot" Line

2008-12-12T09:00:00.000-06:00

September 2005

At this time, I was nineteen years old, and one month into my freshmen year. I was new to Chicago, and didn't really know much about the city yet to know where to go on a boring Friday night. I was in my dorm, and in the midst of my boredom, while laying in bed on my laptop, I pulled out my cell phone, and decided to call the local Homo Chatline. A number which I got off of some website.

When I called, I played around a little bit, listening to the voice recordings of various guys, some "thugs", giving their stats, what they were looking for, and whatever-the-fuck else they wanted to say. You see, this is where things got kind of interesting. I came across the voice recording of a cute-SOUNDING guy, who was bored, and only seeking conversation. I sent him a message, he sent one back, and, voila, we were in our own private "room" within the Chatline.

Sidebar: For the sake of conversation, lets call this guy "Dexter"....As in poindexter....Get IN!

We talked for all of 20 minutes, before exchanging numbers. I thought this guy sounded like such a prettyboy. And, that's exactly what he "gave" me through the phone. In the midst of our lengthily conversation, we agreed to meet-up and hangout the next day. I felt, given how our connection was made, that there was a 50/50 chance that this guy could be the next Hannibal Lecter. I wasn't about to be stupid, so, I chose a nice public area for our meeting. This place was Millenium Park, in downtown Chicago.

Throughout that Saturday, we texted here-and-there just to check-in with each other. Evening came, and it was time to meet. I called him to figure out how long it would be before we should make our way downtown. Since he was fairly close to our destination, I made my way to the train heading to The Loop.

When I finally reached downtown, I stopped at 7-Eleven to pick up some gum. I mean, I can't just meet some cute guy without making sure I'm "minty fresh" first. While downtown, I called Dexter(19) to ask where he was. He was not only in the area, he was on his way to our destination. I followed suit, and was on my way to Millinum Park to meet Dexter the prettyboy.

I got to the Park, called Dexter again, and he informed me of what he was wearing. I looked around, and, alas, I spotted a guy in the outfit that Dexter described. But, the guy in front of me wasn't the "prettyboy" I imagined him to be from the phone. This guy was chubby, wore coke-bottle glasses in semi-stylish frames, was kind of nasal when he talked in person, and was just all-around unattractive to me.

I immediately went into panic mode. What to do, what to do?? I didn't want to be rude, or, an asshole, and hurt this guys feelings. So, I decided to turn a lemon into a lemon martini, and figured that I'd just befriend Dexter. Good idea, right?

Anyway, determined to be strictly platonic, I continued walking around the park, chatting with Dexter, and trying not to notice how he was staring and drooling at me. It was kind of dark out, and, I could help but let my mind wonder to the fact of how romantic this little evening stroll would've been if I were with my "Mr. Right". Dexter was tired of walking around, so we sit on a nearby bench to take in the scenery. Not five seconds later, he was "schooching" closer to me, and putting his hand on my knee. The child was trying it!

Luckily, I noticed a few rabbits running around a bush across from us. I sprang up and made a comment about what I saw. He got up too, and stood close to me. While standing, and inch from my face, Dexter asked if he could KISS me. I froze for a moment, swallowed, took a breath, and uttered "Yeah...you can.". And, with that, the beast known as Dexter proceeded to maul a young Rocafella in the most sloppiest manner. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being mauled...by the RIGHT guy, in the RIGHT way. I mean, the boy didn't even know how kiss. And then, he had the balls to get all touchy-feely, and groped my ass.

Post lip-lock, Dexter stood grinning from ear-to-ear. While I stood there feeling somewhat like a "pro". Yes, I half expected him to pull a Ben Franklin out of his wallet, and hand it to me. We walked around for a few more minutes before I came up with an excuse for needing to cut our time short. We exchanged "goodbye's", and I told Dexter that I would call him when I got back to my dorm....But, I didn't.

What did I learn from this experience?

Just because he has a cute phone-voice, doesn't always mean he's a
cute guy.

The Chatline is not the "hot" line (stay turned).

Venues, like the Chatline, are purely for entertainment purposes.

;-)

One Year Later...

2008-12-02T21:00:00.001-06:00

Its been one whole year since I began my journey into the Blogsphere. And, now I'm comfortable with officially calling myself a Blogger.

I also want to thank all of my fellow Bloggers and recreational readers for reading my blog, and for sticking with me through all this time. I especially want to thank those of you who take the time to leave comments. That means the world to me. I love getting feedback, your opinions, your ideas, thoughts, and criticisms. I value it all, so much, because it lets me know that I'm not as alone, in my thinking, as I thought I was.

I have a few things on the horizon, when it comes to the Blog. One of which is a new series of posts called...Cautionary Tales. I'm in the middle of writing/drafting #1, right now. I expect to have it out either at the end of this week or next Monday.

Thank you all, again, for sticking with me this long!

;-)

Labels, Labels, Labels!...And The Fuckery They Bring.

2008-11-25T21:00:00.001-06:00

So, I've been wondering for the longest, what's the fucking deal Gay men and labels, when it comes to each other? I seem to only run into guys who are stuck on labels, for themselves, as well as other men. Meaning, the whole "Top", "Bottom", "Versitile", "Versitile-Top", and "Versitile-Bottom" label thing that it seems most Gays like to use for, and on, each other.

Personally, I've never been into the lable thing. I don't use any of the previously used labels to describe myself nor do I use them when looking for a boyfriend, date, etc. Even on my Adam4Adam and BGC profiles, I don't have anything listed under my "position". Also, while online looking at various profiles or pages, I don't use a guy's listed "position" to detemine whether or not I'm going to send him a message. In my rational; if I think he's hot, I like the content in his profile, and if his dimensions line-up, I send a message.

Lately, I've been coming across guys who are hung-up on labels. Heartbreaker was(is) hungup on being a "Top". So much so, that he lets it affect his relationship and dating choices. One of his friends even told me that Heartbreaker needs to be with a guy who's a "Strict Bottom". What the fuck is a "Strict" bottom??

And then there's this new shorty I've been talking to. We met online, one Sunday night, while I was in the middle of getting ready to go out. Since he happend to live in my neighborhood, I decided to take a small detour by his place on my way to original my destination. I got to his apartment, and was kind of surprized by how much of a cutie he was. Since he didn't have a face pic online, but, a nice body pic, I expected a "butta-face". But, hey, I was going in that direction for the train anyway, so, why not make a small pit stop?

Anyway, we met, hangout in his place, talked for about thirty minutes, and said our goodbye's. In our time together, nothing remotely sexual happened between us. Which was nice since we were just trying to get to know each other. Besides, he's cute, he's nice, he's smart, but, he's not really my "type" body wise.

A few minutes later, after I left, we ended up having an exchange, which he initiated, via text, as follows;

Dude: "Hey. Can I ask you somethin'?"

Roc: "Yeah, what is it?"

Dude: "Are you a top or a bottom?"

Roc: "LOL! Niether...you?"

Dude: "Top...u must be verz then."

Roc: "yea, I guess. Lol."

Next afternoon, while I'm on the bus, he texts me with some type of fuckery.

Dude: "If you had to choose, to get fucked or do the fucking, for the rest of your life, which would you choose?"

Roc: "LOL! What kinda question is that?"

Dude: "Just answer it."

Roc: "Lmao! Niether...you?"

Dude: "I'm a top, so its obvious what I choose. Just pick one."

Roc: "Why do I have to choose one?"

Dude: "I'll give u some time to think about it..."

Roc: "I don't need time to think. Lol!...why is it such a big deal?"

Sidebar: I didn't even really like this guy "all like that". He's cute, but, not really my type. So, I don't even know why I continued with this text fuckery for as long as I did. I think it was a combination of personal boredom mixed with the fact that I like a little comfrontation from time-to-time.

Dude: "Bcuz I need to know what's goin' on if we get into a relationship..."

Roc: "I guess."

Long story, short, we had a little text argument about how I can't date nor be involved with guys who are hungup on labels. He defended himself. We went back and forth on the issue. And, then we basically agreed to disagree.

Anyway, I hate running into guys who are hungup on labels. Not only for themselves, but, for other gay males. I've noticed that our Lesbian counterparts don't seem to have the problem in their community. And, they seem to have great fufilling relationships, without letting labels control their lives.

When are Gay men going to stop being such Label Whores?

;-)

The Naughty Boy Tour: Weekend #1

2008-11-19T21:00:00.000-06:00

**Listening To**
"Mannequin" by. Britney Spears

Friday night, the Naughty Boy went to the club, got slightly drunk, and
got three numbers. One came from a semi-cute older dude (who I won't be
entertaining) that kept insisting on me taking his number, one came from a
hot little freak with a nice little muscular frame, and the other was
from a sexy military boy.

Saturday night, the Naughty Boy went to...A sex party! But, due to how
incredibly lame it was, I ended up leaving. I mean, who wants to attend
a "party" where their the ONLY good-looking person there? No offense,
but, middle-aged out-of-shape men DON'T turn me on.

More to come...

;-)

11-4-2008

2008-11-04T21:33:00.002-06:00

*Listening To*

"Bad Girl" by. Danity Kane
"Sophisticated Lady" by. Mya
"Blindfold Me" by. Kelis
"Dirrty" by. Christina Aguilera
.............................................................................

So, my last entry was written while I was an emotional mess (what's new?). I've been thinking and marinating since then. And, I'm not becoming an "escort" or anything of that nature. But, my cloths will be coming off more freely now. I'm still sick and tired of being a "good" guy and getting fucked over because of it. So, I've decided to work on becoming a Naughty Boy instead.

I wonder how long the Naughty Boy Tour of 2008- will last?

;-)

10-21-2008

2008-10-22T09:19:00.000-05:00

I'VE HAD IT!

I'm angry. I've been angry for awhile now. I want to be someone else...someone completely different altogether. I was thinking, at work, about why I'm so unsuccessful in the "relations" department. And, I realized that the one unchanged constant is...ME, Myself, and I. I'm the thing that's wrong.

Up until this point, being Me and being the "good" guy has gotten nothing but a broken heart, being "played", and alone. It was Me who wasn't enough for Cool and Heartbreaker . Its Me who doesn't deserve to be happy with anyone. Its Me who's never good enough for anyone. Its Me who isn't good enough to be "loved" by anyone. And, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being Me. So, I need to be Someone else...opposite of the "good" guy.

I need to become someone who's always wanted, desired, and lusted after. I need to be someone who uses-up men, then spits them out. I need be one-dimensional, a freak, and a 24/7 walking sex object....after all, that's what men want, right? Well, that's going to be the new "Me". And, there's no more "freebies" when it comes to dealing with men...its pay-2-play for now on.

Also, I'm looking into going in the stripping profession.

I'm DONE!

;-)

On The Horizon...

2008-10-13T22:30:00.001-05:00

Next month (mid-November) is going to be the One Year Anniversary of my Blog/Journal. Its amazing how fast time can go by.

At work, the other night, thinking randomly when an idea popped into my head. So, November will not only usher in the anniversary of my Blog, at will also be the introduction of a new category.

What is this new category called?...."Cautionary Tales".

What will "Cautionary Tales" consist of?....My hookup horror stories and other bad experiences when it come to dealing with the same sex . Yes, I have a few from the past (pre-celibacy) and a few from present day, so far. I've just been figuring out how and to write them.

Why exactly are these Cautionary Tales?.....Because, from each "tale", I've learned a valuable lesson, and, I'm hoping that others will too.

Are you ready?

;-)

One Good Buddy

2008-10-09T22:00:00.002-05:00

So, there's a new person in my life. Lets call him...The Rookie. He's not really a "friend"...more like a buddy...a Cuddle buddy. But, with less cuddling (if any), and more kissing.

Rookie is 20, cute, and basically just started "messing around" with guys...hence, the name "Rookie". We met a few weeks ago at a club (a 21+ club) when his only "gay" friend came and talked me because Rookie was too shy. We exchanged numbers, talked later that night, and decided to hangout for a little bit that next day.

Rookie isn't really "boyfriend" material for me. He's not "out" and he's going through that whole period of trying to figure out his sexuality. But, he's a good, sweet guy, and I don't mind giving him a place where he can feel comfortable. And, to also educate his ass....because the boy knows NOTHING.

Anyway, the first time he came over, we just chilled and talked for a little bit. We made-out before he left, and that was the start of our "cuddle buddy" relationship. The last two times he came over (a total of three so far), have been white hot. We might not have "sex" sex, but, we definitely get things "popping" on the Oral tip (pun lightly intended). Basically, we have a ton of foreplay and affection and 69-ing jacking off...which is great! Its actually very hot. There's this whole "thing" of us feeding off of each other's sexual energy.

Anyway, after the cum stops flying, he cleans up and casually leaves like a criminal fleeing a crime scene...which, for some reason, is alright with me. I mean, he gives me what I need for the time being and leaves. There's no attitude, no expectations...no strings. He's the perfect man...right? Except when he spills his "baby batter" on my BLACK blanket.

On one hand, I feel some kind of empowerment. Being in control of what happens, teasing all those special "spots", and being able to make someone go absolutely wild with ecstasy is a pretty damn good feeling. On the other hand, I can't help but feel somewhat hooker-esque (which I don't mind & think is kind of hot). I mean, for some reason, he reminds me of a "John" who's all tense at first because he's not sure of how things are supposed to go. But, when things get started, and he's gotten to his comfort zone, the freak comes out.

Either way, this is all very interesting to me. And, I think that everyone should experience this type of dynamic with someone, it some point in their life.

;-)

Doomed: A History Lesson

2008-09-27T10:07:00.000-05:00

*Listening To*
"It's All Over but the Crying (Remix)" by. Garbage

I've always know this, deep down, but now I actually have conformation. I'm 22yrs, and I've never dated anyone, never been in a relationship, never had boyfriend, and I've never really "talked" to a guy for more than week. And, I've come to realize that things are going this way for the rest of my life...22, 32, 42, 52, etc.

How did I come to realize this? Well, I've been thinking...which is basically a coin-toss of whether or not something good might come from it. Anyway, I've been thinking, marinating with my thoughts, and thinking of questions for my "research" into my family's past...and my future.

And what does it all come back to? Genetics.

While in thought, I started to trace things and put things together and connect the dots. I wanted to know why I can't seem to even develop healthy relationships much less be involved in one. So, I started with the small family that I do have left. So, there's my Nana (67), my Grandfather (65), my Uncle (47), and my Aunt (41).

As far as I know, Nana's only been in one big relationship...with the father of her children (grandpa)...who she divorced back in the 70s. And, there's been NOBODY else since then. Grandfather has had continuous whatevers with women who use him. Uncle is in his forties, has a career in charity work, and alone. And, Aunt (the fag hag) is also in her forties, man-less, and has never had a successful relationship.

After going through everyone's situation, I started to think: What about my Mother? Granted, she died when she was 35, but she was a lot different from everyone else in our family, and remember her dating or seeing someone when I was a kid. Which leads me to one of the most awkward and weirdest conversations I've ever had to have...I was forced to call Nana and ask her about my mom's (her daughter's) romantic life.

Here's how THAT went:

Ya ya ya...Blah blah blah...

Roc: "So, did my mom ever have any successful relationships?"

Nana: "What? Did you want to know if your mother ever had sexual relations?"

Sidebar: Oh god, kill me now. I did NOT ask you THAT grandma! Granted, I had just gotten off the subway, and there was a considerable amount of background noise on my end...but still, that whole exchange was just something that should never have happened!

Roc: "No! Did my mom ever have any SUCCESSFUL relationships?!"

Nana: "Oh!...SUCCESSFUL relationships."

Roc: "yeah....like dating or long-term relationships."

Nana: "Well, I don't think she really "dated" anyone. But, she "saw"
people."

Nana: "I guess her relationship with your father was successful...right?"

Roc: "Ummm NO! Not at all!"

Sidebar: Really Nana!? You consider THAT to be a "successful" relationship!? So, I guess my mom's only "real" relationship involved having an accident-kid with a guy who cheated on her and brought needless drama into her life, until she cut ties with him? Seriously!?! This is the kind of fucked up thinking doesn't surprise me at all.

Anyway, during our conversation, I realized that its all GENETIC. One of the main reasons why I left,a few years ago, was because I didn't want to end up like the rest of my family. But, I realize, now, that I'll never be happy with anyone. I'll never be able to have anything close to a "healthy" relationship with a guy, because its not in my DNA. And, even if I ever come close to having something "serious", with someone, I'm pretty sure I'll fuck things up somehow.

I guess Shirley Manson was right...Certain things DO turn ugly, when you think too hard.

;-)

Just A Few Things...9-10-2008

2008-09-10T10:15:00.001-05:00

I hate having to make that first physical move, with a guy...it makes me feel kind of slutty...or predatoryal, I guess? I just don't want to initiate something, and get shut down...I'd rather have it be the other way around.

Cosmo's have a way of making me, ummm, "frisky" I guess? One, and I become the worlds biggest flirt. A few, and I might think I'm Britney in the "Gimme More" video.

The fuckery known as Men: I hate men...who expect to get Oral (a blow job) without having to return the damn favor. I mean, you'll let me ride your face (which does NOTHING for me), but you won't suck my damn dick?...I can't be bothered!

;-)

Really??

2008-09-03T20:30:00.001-05:00

My Initial Reaction To This: "Oh, no ma'am!"

I was in the store, Saturday, picking up some things. And, what did I come across at the checkout counter?...THIS magazine!

Since when did Politicians, other than the President, become Celebrities?...Seriously!?

And, when did Tabloids decide to create fake drama between those in the political arena?

It must have been a slow news week in Hollywood.

;-)

8-29-2008

2008-08-29T10:30:00.001-05:00

I can't believe there's only four months left to the year. Where did all the time go?

In eight months, I've been out with only three guys, and had two "REAL" dates...which ALL failed to produce anything. I fell in love with, and got my heart broken by, someone who wouldn't even give me the time of day...who's now in a relationship with someone else.

The fall semester started this week, and, even though I'm taking a lighter class load, I'm already tired from all the "first week" running around shit.

I'm so glad that a three-day weekend is coming up.

;-)

8-13-2008

2008-08-14T09:00:00.000-05:00

I've felt like an emotional wreck for the past few weeks.

The past weekend just left me feeling a lot of things. I spent my past few Satuday nites at home, instead of going out to anything or meet anyone. I just don't have anyone to go anywhere with...but, I shouldn't let that stop me.

I'm no longer in "love" with Heartbreaker, after the past weekend. He can be kind of an asshole at times...but, I still, and will probably always, like him...Well, like the sweet guy he likes to hide from everyone. But, I also realized that there really can't be anything romantic for us...at least not for now. I'm over that whole deal. But, I'm cool with us being buddies or whatever. Its BEEN time for me to move on. And, I need to get back out there and go back to meeting new people and having new experiences.

On my ride home from work tonight, I listened to "Love Ridden" by Fiona Apple.

;-)