Got Schpilkes?

Elmo centrism - Why Sesamgade disappoints me.

2009-11-16T12:50:00.000-08:00

It started gradually in the 70s when the little red baby monster was a nobody extra. Then from the mid 80s and on, with his cute squeeze-toy voice, Elmo rose to great power.

Journey to Ernie was a great side segment. There was Oscar reading to his pet worm, Slimy, Grover and his travels, the classic Count with his daily numbers, Cookie monster and cookies, which later on were replaced with healthy carrot sticks and celery and other stars of the Pyramid. Back in the day we enjoyed the homoerotic undertones of Ernie and Bert. We witnessed a rare and beautiful friendship between a wooly elephant and a giant, nasal bird. But most of all, Sesame Street was brilliant for it’s ethnic diversity, its colorful cast ranging from monster Muppets to empathic humans, pedagogic content and skillful story telling.

In the 90s when PBS went semi for profit, the Sesame Street stars like in any other franchise became greedy for the spotlight. Elmo began making appearances crossing over into primetime. He cornered the children’s market with tickle dolls and Elmo’s World adventure toys. Ernie was Ernie. Big Bird was Big Bird. But Elmo had his own world, which expanded over time. Elmo was Elmo and friends. Elmo became a free-floating entity with a special contract, an agent, own hair and makeup team, nutritionist and Kabbalah advisor.

But seriously, while Elmo became so controversial, pissing off old school S.Street fans (including myself), the show’s integrity for the most part remained in tact. Although Ernie and Bert were seen together far less (perhaps some right wing sponsors felt they were too close for the family values sect), the show still contained elements that were true to the Workshop’s vision. The puppets interacted with the world, the stories were fun and educational and the characters were colorful and funny. Social skills and motor skills were exercised with Sesame Street, and one always walked away feeling important, smarter and entertained.

Sesamgade aired on 18 October 2009. I understand that a children’s show must be tailored to the audience of any given land. I get that Sesame Street in Denmark would not have a real stoop and perhaps not the same emphasis on inner city life, but I expected more. I expected more education, more creativity, more inclusion, more worldliness and LESS ELMO! Elmo dominated the first 12 minutes of the 25 minute show, which included a few dubbed segments that seemed to be randomly picked. It was essentially Elmo’s World with familiar guests who appeared with a cheesy border and usually against patterned wallpaper backgrounds. They performed catchy tunes, but there wasn’t a single, well thought out number or sketch that could actually teach or inspire. It was more spoon-fed, zany entertainment rather than thought provoking fun.
The following episodes were not very different.

The set is an exterior view of a typical Copenhagen style building. The interior, apart from Elmo’s world, is a typically Danish apartment with a designer lamp, untreated hard wood floors and some Ikea furniture. Elmo is the host along with his sidekick human, Sine who is attractive in a recently impregnated kind of way. Not to say that she’s pregnant, but she has the glow and fleshy perkiness of someone who is around first trimester, which in my book is always sexy. But we’re not interested in sex appeal because it is a children’s show for god sakes!!! By the end of the debut episode, Sine was falling asleep. I think it was raining on the set and there was way too much hygge (Danish coziness [more or less]) for a Sunday morning in a country that for weeks has been covered with grey and rain.

All of that said, after the first screening my daughters were laughing and singing. Elmo managed a familiar Danish song in that irresistible-to-a-child voice and Ray Bolger-esque clumsy dance style that tickled their funny bones and made them cackle. For that I credit Sesamgade – a laugh is still a laugh.

Falling and falling

2008-11-17T07:54:00.001-08:00

Actual rainbow shot 2 days ago. The post was written a month ago.

Ouch! I think I sprained my ankle. I was coming down a grated step from my daughter's school and my foot got caught forcing my ankle to twist. I could have gone with it, but I was holding my non-school-age daughter and I didn't want to drop her. Who says my parental instincts are not sharp??

It's officially autumn gray and rainy here. It's "hyggelight" up to a point. Up until everyday feels like a shadow with actual mass that is comfortably pinning me down. That's the cozy part, and if I were a bear I would be in heaven. I could surplus my fat and just sleep while collecting my checks from the wild. But I'm not a bear.

The upside to fall here is really when it doesn't rain. Makes a huge difference. I get everywhere via bicycle and I have to wear this ridiculous rain suit that makes me look like a member of the poison control society. The up-UP side is when the sun is bright. The light is intense and enriching casting the most amazing colors onto the walls inside.

I wonder if Sasquatch (is that also used for the plural?) hibernate.

Any thoughts on Autumn?

Being activated

2008-10-30T09:06:00.000-07:00

No. It does not mean that my owner will turn on a switch wired to my back. It means that I am being activated into the work force of Denmark. It consists of classes, tips and some headhunting all aiming to improve my CV, my job search skills and my communication and interviewing skills.

Day 1 - total confusion. I have to make a list of skills consisting of on-the-job and technical skills and personal skills. The list must be comprised of sub-categories which fall into a few main categories. It is the Karate Kid approach to job hunting. I must first sand the floor before I can punch. My previous CV gets tied to my waist and I must go through rigorous training in order to break down the elements, separate them and bring them together in a broad overview only to dissect them over and over until I have an ultra awareness of myself and what I can do on paper.

There's just one problem. I find myself jotting things down that I haven't a clue about just to expand my breadth of skills. I wrote down "project management" and "organization" as skills. The last person you want managing your project is me. I can barely manage my own shit with my innovative filing system. I Keep everything I've ever had the privilege of receiving or creating all on one desk in an abstract pile that almost can swing from the ceiling. Perhaps if I approach the paper work in a Calderesque way and have a curved wire spanning my entire house I can have papers hanging with the ability to turn and slide. That way I can see everything at all times instead of calling for a search party for every little detail I need to examine.

Day 2 - laid back. Birthday breakfast for one of the users. I pray that there is no song to sing. As I tense up when we sit down I acquire the awkward feeling that I'm attending a birthday gathering of someone I dont' know. And I don't know anyone there. Rolls, cheese, jam and coffee. No birthday song. Thank god.

Woman sitting next to me in the computer room is eating yogurt and I can hear every detail of her mouth with an audible microscope. I need to escape.

Day 3 - Lesson on communication. The instructor neglects to introduce himself. We hold practice interviews with one another. Instructor calls on me and asks how people communicate in New York - do strangers say hi, make eye contact etc. A woman from the back of the room hears New York and blurts out, "So many JEWS in New York". I turn and say "excuse me?? What was that?". She gets a look at my nose. Doesn't say anything more.

I'm finally getting the big picture. I'm getting a hang of this job search process and realize how different it is from the American style of job hunting. That's entirely for another post.

Health records

2008-10-19T20:04:00.000-07:00

I just read an interesting article in the New York Times about all four people running for executive positions in the upcoming election providing limited health reports. In Barack Obama's case a one page letter from his personal doctor was provided stating that he is in "excellent" condition, but has holes considering his history with smoking, mother's cancer and father's drinking problem. McCain's report was given in 1200 pages, but is obscure about where his condition will lead. Joe Biden provided a report regarding his 1988 aneurysms and the fact that he recovered completely, but info is still inconclusive. And Sarah Palin has not provided anything. None of the candidates' doctors have granted interviews.

Here's my take on all the secrecy:

Barack Obama:

Theory one: Obama is the savior so there's no need to pry further. He will remain in perfect health until the end of the world. He just doesn't want to cause a stir. A blood test made public would reveal his true identity.

Theory two: Obama comes from another planet. A blood test proving him to not be human would definitely cause a stir. If McCain supporters think he's a Muslim or an Arab and they have a problem with that then finding out he's an extraterrestrial would be a holiday for them.

Theory four: Obama is from Atlantis. Checking for webbed feet and gills would surely give the right wing conservatives a field day.

Joseph Biden

Theory one: His miraculous full recovery is due to being healed by Barack Obama.

Theory two: His dad always told him - "If someone knocks you down, GET UP". So from that day on he attained powers to "get up" under the most extreme health challenges. A conclusive blood test proving his super hero status would surely cause a stir.

Theory three: He grew up in Scranton. Irrelevant yet effective.

John McCain

Theory one: McCain has made a pact with the devil. He's been granted longevity despite his ailing appearance.

Theory two: He is Frankenstein's monster.

Theory three: Un-dead.

Sarah Palin

Theory one: Palin pulled a Bree Hodge with Trig after Bristol became preggers with her first child. Doctor's records might reveal this.

Theory two: Palin is an evil sea monster.

Loud keys and thundering epiphanies

2008-10-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

So I'm at the doctor's office yesterday when I notice a thundering and repetitive sound behind me. It's the heavy fingered typing of the receptionist. She's banging against the keys in a slow and sporadic rhythm. Hunt and peck punctuated with anger. Perhaps she has magnets in her fingertips, which are drawn like anti-gravity boots to the old, metal keys.

I'm reading Naomi Klein's Shock Doctrine and with each peck to the keys I wind myself back like a typewriter ribbon to the beginning of the paragraph I've started. And then it hits me - I'm sitting in a room with sick people waiting for an ear, nose and throat doctor when I realize this is the first day in a long time that I'm not sitting at my desk at home accomplishing absolutely nothing, thoughtlessly surfing the Internet and applying for countless jobs that I don't really want. I decide I'm going to do humanitarian work.

Yes. I want to devote my life, perhaps making less money than I might by wasting away in some corporate vacuum, to using whatever creative talent I have left to helping people in need.

Then - after leaving the doctor's office....after being ill, coughing and sneezing and run down for the past 3 weeks - I feel better! Might it have to do with the oat soup I've been ingesting? Who knows. I just know that now I know where to focus my energy and where not turn for merely assuaging a rusty, old, worn out work ethic. It's time to feel life.

New Title

2008-10-14T15:13:00.001-07:00

Collective Heartburn has entered the red zone and now must be called GOT SCHPILKES? Please make a note of it.

Which one doesn't belong?

2008-10-09T01:43:00.000-07:00

Bi-partisan curiosity.

"Come 'ere pops and pucker up"!

Why didn't Ridley Scott just hire Beau Bridges?

Sarah Palin catches a McCain.

wow

2008-10-01T05:10:00.000-07:00

Uncanny economic control
take your gold and melt it down.

Shana Tova y'all!

2008-09-30T22:56:00.000-07:00

shame

2008-09-26T02:05:00.000-07:00

Turns out that my bank, Washington Mutual has been seized by the government and absorbed by JP Morgan Chase. It's all very strange karma. I was at Chase bank in the early 90s and then switched to Chemical Bank. I think? Then Chemical became Wamu. I'm confused. I'm reading that Chase became Chemical, but then Chemical became Chase again. When did Wamu take Chemical or was I dreaming. Now Wamu/Chemical/Chase is all JP Morgan Chase.

What's going to happen to my $6 that I hold in Wamu??? Actually nothing now. Business as usual, but I'll eventually receive statements from JP Morgan. And after that I'll receive statements from the American Union. And when the government starts overseeing all the banks and the people pay for the bailouts of the major investment banks then we'll be officially fascist!!! As the Wamu slogan goes:

WOOHOOOO!!!!

See the difference between fascism and socialism is that with a socialist society or a social welfare system like the one I live in (Denmark), the state regulates things like health care and education and some financial institutions (although I think those might be privatized now), but the people benefit from it. The wealth is theoretically distributed so no one is left on the street. People can get treated for illness and afford a roof. If one works one basically has enough to live on. And it's all very democratic and fair.

In a fascist society like the US the government oversees the banks and still taxes people, but nobody benefits. Not with education nor with health care. But there is quite an impressive array of weapons. While we see Americans with jobs it doesn't necessarily mean they can afford to live. Even some Americans who work more than one job can barely get by and they usually cannot get sick. Health care is largely unaffordable. It's dog eat dog. Sink or swim see.

The difference now though is the government has control over the financial institutions and you will pay for it. The CEOs and the wealthiest one percent will make out like bandits while you essentially give the last few rights you have a citizens to "the man". Only now "the man" isn't your corporate boss. It's your president and your local govt. official. It's the lady with the shot gun running after the moose. It's the pig with the lipstick. It's the jackass evangelist, born again oil man. It's all the new laws that will dominate you. The democratically elected jackass will tell you what to do. He'll make you pay for an illegal war and make you think you're unpatriotic for disagreeing. Now it's illegal for you to disagree. Now you must pay. The strongest survive, but not over the state. Basically your rights have been stripped for the most part. Just because you haven't seen action equating to nazi Germany does not mean you are not powerless at this point. Perhaps the upcoming election can help reverse the madness.

See, the democratically elected jackass has the potential to continue beyond the legal term limits of the constitution. Bet you didn't know that. Perhaps this economic "disaster" is the kind that can give Bush the power to stay on as commander and cheif dictator. The democratically elected jackasses can now decide what will happen to my $6 and tell me it's good for me. Just like they told you that war in Iraq is good for you. Like the way they kept you too afraid to not forfeit your rights. You thought it could never happen in America. Well it's happening.

Are you happy?

She says Nucular!

2008-09-12T12:17:00.000-07:00

It's in the republican handbook to not say nuclear. It's nucular.

I'm disturbed by this woman's complete lack of knowledge of the world outside the U.S. This interview reveals a great deal of the lack of research and the one dimensional, last minute reach for a type of "change" that right wing America can believe in. I don't blame Sarah Palin. She must be thrilled to have been chosen. She's someone who probably never thought she'd be considered to be second in power in the executive office of the U.S. I wonder if, after all the probing and questioning she has sat with herself and realized 'I really made a mistake by accepting this'.

She replies to Charlie Gibson that she's knowledgeable and ready to handle the situation between Russia and Georgia because she can see Russia from Alaska.

Update to this post:

As May didn't realize that Tina Fey was not just doing a comic routine, but a dead-on acting role, I thought I'd post this little bit here.

A night in Vesterbro

2008-08-09T14:44:00.000-07:00

imaginary space and telecommunication

2008-08-04T19:37:00.000-07:00

I find an old parachute and a gas mask at 3:06 AM and I think about how I can screw them to a large piece of wood. I have infinite space to work at this hour as all found objects are imaginary as well as the space I have to work in. This becomes problematic with execution. I see a large ink drawing made with a giant brush of two people fucking and the man has a tattoo of America engraved onto his right butt cheek. Words are bent from metal and panels run across a large room. My neighbor's fence is pieced together with holes carved out for MDF slabs and concrete blocks. The same fence I constructed my portfolio case with. The rough, elaborate case, which houses mediocre designs. The same designs, which keep me unemployed and awake at 3:06 AM every morning, visualizing works that I have no space to create.

Other news...

I have a gripe with the telecommunication companies of Denmark. The painting above pretty much sums up my feelings. They appear to provide service, but under the service, the lines lead to nothing:

Call to Telia:

me: "I'm interested in a data plan."

Telia: "A data wha?"

me: "a data plan, like the one described on your webpage"

Telia: "hold on..."

Telia: "call back in 2 weeks. We should have it then.

2 weeks later:

Identical conversation.

2 weeks later:

Telia: "sorry we're out of that product."

me: "you ran out of a service? Do you stock data plans on shelves?"

Telia: "havd?"

me: "nothing?"

Telia: "try again in..."

me: "2 weeks?"

Telia: "ja."

2 weeks later:

Telia: "we won't be offering that service ever again"

Next day with TDC - one rep tells me I can get an account for 0 kr a month and just pay for data and a fee per call. I switch accounts online. I call again and they tell me the info was wrong. Mustafa tells me to order something called a flex account and use 79 kr for like 50 mb of data and 30 kr for calls. I don't make many calls with my mobile. A week later I call and find out the order went through. Mustafa also offered incorrect info regarding the costs. It would actually be 130 kr for an account and an extra 70 kr for data. I say "forget it".

It's pretty much the same all around.

Indigenous peepholes

2008-07-11T09:48:00.000-07:00

It's happening. It's been over 3 years, but it's happening. The mechanical strain of starting over, like going for a run after 3 years of sitting on my ass. Stubborn bouts of shit, avoidance and frustration has turned into flow. Just in time.

Exhibition opening

2008-07-09T05:32:00.000-07:00

Click on the pic to download pdf version.

Suffering

2008-07-06T01:11:00.000-07:00

I have a severe grass allergy. Trees, bushes, Formaldehyde, dust mites, cat dander...and who knows what else. Allow me to describe where I live:

I live in a dusty old house on a large grassy piece of land with various kinds of trees. I live across the street from a forest and very close to fields of animals, and land that thrives on Formaldehyde enriched fertilizer. A short-tailed gray cat lives in my basement.

It's no wonder that I can't breathe here in the summer time. I make a joke every so often that I hate nature. I'm a city boy. With good reason. City smog is nothing compared to the natural forces that cause me to cough, sneeze and wheeze until I pass out from exhaustion. And nothing helps. I've taken Aerius, Allegra, Benedryl, Clariton and even shots of Diprospan. The benedryl works a little, but makes me narcoleptic. The Diprospan works for maybe a couple of days and I have to wait a long time before I'm allowed another shot.

My next move is to try various plastic bubbles. If anyone can recommend a good one please let me know.

Goodbye Florent

2008-06-30T01:51:00.001-07:00

I had a dream 2 nights ago. It was about my old apartment on Grove Street, which I used to dream about almost every night after having been in Denmark for a few months. This time I'm moving back in and I discover a new room that's been hidden behind a large Mexican rug. I'm so excited because not only am I back in the place where I hatched as an adult, but I have more space. And I'm still paying $500 a month.

By the time I left New York in April of 2001 the city had already shrunk in terms of art, culture and creative opportunity. After 8 years of Mayor Giuliani's chemotherapy on the city and Governor Pataki's tightening of rent laws, many of the artists and middle income families had been driven out to other boroughs or other states. The streets got clean, the crime moved out a little and the City lost a great deal of what made it the City.

By the time I left New York, Sex and the City was re-shaping a social atmosphere and creating a social elitism that went well with a decline of authenticity, a disappearance of art and a disdain for people who dared to have a real thought or worry.

--

I wish I could relay a string of fond memories I have of you, but I was often there by sunrise after a long and muddy adventure throughout the city, having arrived there from any given point via taxi or by accelerated feet if I was in proximity. Or on the rare occasion I arrived by magic carpet. I remember your eggs Benedict. I remember grabbing ketchup from another table of drag queens who were sitting adjacent to young investment bankers. I can recall one exception when I came over for lunch, but it was long ago. I think it was with Heather.

I'm left with slow-motion 8mm theater-like memories based on Toulouse-Lautrec type scenes of an endangered culture.

Your rent increased. I'll never see you again. I wasn't really planning on it anyway, but I'm glad to read that you're going out with dignity.

what's going on here?

2008-06-17T13:36:00.001-07:00

So...what's this about? Athena Pro Gel Sport pants. There seems to be a circle accentuating the genital area. When I saw this thumbnail on Google images I had to get a closer look. Why the circle? Then when enlarged I saw the protrusion that seems to go down to protect the vulva. Is that protective gear like a sports cup? Or maybe it's to keep the vulva from discomfort that comes with long bicycle tours. That makes sense. But why the circle. They seem to be no nonsense biking shorts with no fancy print or anything. Except for this circle. Is it a designer stripe, which encircles the region for no reason? Perhaps it's a shielded zipper that goes all the way to the back and when one needs the toilet it can just unzip without having to pull the shorts down. Hmm... I think I want jeans with a circle around my package. Just so I know where to find it when I need it. So I don't go looking in my pocket or under the desk or something.

In case you were wondering, my Google search word was Athena. Anyway have a good evening everyone.

Night Terror!

2008-06-13T01:48:00.000-07:00

"Fassbinder!!! FASSBINDERRRRRR!!!!..." she screamed! At least that's what it sounded like. I don't think a 2 year old knows, as close as she lives to the German border, the filmmaker Ranier Werner Fassbinder. I was half asleep when it happened and apparently she was just screaming, "DADDYYYY". It's normal for a small child to have a nightmare on occasion or to just wake up and need reassurance. This time was strange and startling because the voice sounded more distant and when I went into the room the person behind the voice was not there.

I followed the voice downstairs and gasped when I discovered the door to the basement was wide open. I switched on the light and there was Tia Simone at the bottom of the stairs just standing there and wailing. My heart left my body before I saw her standing there as I thought of her at the bottom of the stairs NOT standing, but on the floor, or stuck, or fighting with one of the intruding cats that linger in every so often through the cat door.

Thank god she was just standing there. I took her up and put her in bed again. Then a couple of hours later she came running into our room. I think it's time to move the bed around again.

Here I am prepared to co-sign a lease for girls aged 2 and 5 while my wife, if she had the choice, would prolong their childhood indefinitely. Oh wait..you need money and good credit to co-sign. Better wait a while girls.

New Heady Pepper: Dark Horse Stew!

2008-06-12T08:29:00.000-07:00

New post on the Heady Pepper!

New on the Heady Pepper

2008-06-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

New posts on the Heady Pepper

Of Course!!!

2008-05-29T14:43:00.000-07:00

I knew it! Stonehenge was used as burial grounds. Read more..

Eurovision 2008

2008-05-25T07:31:00.000-07:00

For the past 6 years or so that I've been in Denmark I have grown more and more enthusiastic about the Eurovision song contest in which contestants from all across the continent and a little further compete for the title of best song. I don't know if it's because of the ostentatious costumes and sets or the spectacle of people with questionable talent performing the most awful, the most cheesy, pop candy, gooey, loud songs ever created!! Or might it be over the top theatrics or the gyrating dancers bouncing from one end of the stage to the other like wasps chasing and retreating, soaring and falling, tumbling and...skating?

It's a contest in which citizens of countries vote via SMS on the acts that are the flashiest, most erratic on stage or the most ...naked. I think that there have been exceptions in the past when performers won based on shear talent for song. But this contest is much, MUCH more than just musical talent. This is a war between the most costumed and made up and the least costumed and made up. These performances are not just intended to be concert worthy. These are grandiose, theatrical performances of freakishly silly (see the first video below) or ethnically folky (like the group from Croatia, 75 Cents has a 75 year old man angrily rapping and scratching an old Victrola while the band of middle aged men wail traditional sounding music to a bunch of half naked dancing young women) .

Take a look here. This is Wolves of the Sea performing Pirates of the Sea:

It's no wonder they received 12 points from Ireland. Long live the Jolly Roger!! Hi Hi HOOOOO!

I guess one of the most fun things for me is staying up as spokespeople from each country announce how many points they award to 3 different countries. 25 countries participated in the final after several other countries were weeded out during 2 previous contests. Each country awards 8 points, 10 points and 12 points to the 3 most voted on countries. After the votes are tallied the country that scores the most points gets the honor of hosting next year's event. Serbia hosted this year. And you can't vote for your own country.

And this year's winner? Russia! And here, performing their winning hit Believe is Dima Biiiiiiiiilaaaaaan (Dima Bilan) ....

The guy passionately skating his Grateful Dead dance in circles, whipping every limb in every direction kinda looks like a combination of Randy Quaid and Owen Wilson. Or Owen Wilson after being stung by a swarm of bees. On crack.

Mary, Marie quite....not so contrary

2008-05-25T04:30:00.000-07:00

When I flipped on the news the other day I was shocked to see Crown Princess Mary kissing the brother of the future king! Little Joachim in a passionate embrace with Ma...wait a second...Marie! Not Mary! This was not Princess Mary, but Marie Cavallier of France. I was relieved yet a trace of confusion lingered a bit even after I realized this was not the Crown Princess. The resemblance is just weird.

Marie Cavallier (left), Mary Donaldson (right) - Cavallier is a shade or two darker, but otherwise...

Got Schpilkes?

Elmo centrism - Why Sesamgade disappoints me.

Falling and falling

Being activated

Health records

Loud keys and thundering epiphanies

New Title

Which one doesn't belong?

wow

Shana Tova y'all!

shame

She says Nucular!

A night in Vesterbro

imaginary space and telecommunication

Indigenous peepholes

Exhibition opening

Suffering

Goodbye Florent

what's going on here?

Night Terror!

New Heady Pepper: Dark Horse Stew!

New on the Heady Pepper

Top stories

Of Course!!!

Eurovision 2008

Mary, Marie quite....not so contrary