TGI EPH

3-OH YEAAA

2007-05-29T23:08:00.000-07:00

I'm a big Debbie-Downer when it comes to birthdays. Yes I'm one of those annoying people who doesn't like the spotlight of the birthday celebration, odd given my nature of being an accused attention junkie. I cringe when the obligatory monotone birthday song is sung by many a well meaning, yet sonically challenged coworker (though I do much enjoy the obligatory Costco chocolate cake -- YUMMO). I think it's rooted in yet another one of my many OCD's where if I think something's going to go bad, then it'll probably turn out good. For example, back in high-school, I used to think the world would end if I didn't turn the TV to channel 13 before I went out the door. Hey Doc, I'll have an order of Zanax with those fries please!

Summer is a busy time with my friends and I, given that the majority of us celebrate our birthdays during this time. I have the lofty task of being the first summer birthday, so there's some pressure to start off the birthday season with a bang. This year proved to be no different. I decided that for the big 3-0, I wanted to get the hellz out of Dodge and fly to the Hoo-Ray Area. Here's a rundown:

To thoroughly prepare Mr. Liver for the ethanol he was going to help me metabolize for the weekend, my friends who weren't going to be able to go up North with me (namely, Sonny, Daisy and Carlene) decided to treat me at one of my favorite restaurants: Morton's Steakhouse. I had a the Cajun Ribeye, medium-rare, (cuz well-done is for suckers) and I must say that it was AWESOME, even moreso after my 4th Jameson and Gingerale. We then decided to take the party to an even finer establishment, Tequila shots at the great TGI Fridays! Well after that, let's just say that Mr. Liver took a break that night and passed the torch to Mr. Toilet. Thanks Mr. Toilet!

The next night, attendance at my first ever white party (a party where you have to dress up in all-white clothes) at Farenheit in San Jose was planned. I didn't wanna look like a newb at the party, so I decided to do some research on YouTube, and try to copy the look of the Backstreet Boys in the I Want It That Way video (yes I'm officially a loser). Surprisingly, I found an outfit that was halfway decent, and so did most of the folks that we rolled with. Somehow, we looked like some sort of troupe of Filipino singing waiters, but we still looked cool IMHO. I was a bit gun-shy to drink that night and it paid off in spades - Look Ma, no hangover!

The next night, we took a ride on a party bus. For those of you not in the know, a party bus is essentially a chartered bus that chauffeurs you to and from a couple clubs all the while drinking en route. It's like drinking in your car, except without that pesky DUI (and no, http://www.ephmaniago.com/ does not condone that type of behavior kids). I was a little skeptical that I'd have a good time, because when we set off, I was already feeling sick. Not the good 'ol fashioned drunk sick your Dad's used to, but carsick, blehh. After shooting back a few, my calms were feared and a fun time was had by all.

In the end, whether your drinking at TGI Fridays, on a bus, or while dressed in white, the result is almost always the same =)

On my real birthday, Rach and I decidedly did something we were much better at than drinking ... MOUNTAIN CLIMBING - sike, eating of course. Rach made reservations at the often-hyped Crustaceans in Beverly Hills. According to their Website, an ambiguously "elegant" dress code is enforced, which pretty much means you're at the mercy of the maitre de as to your social status. It's retarded I know, but I sported a phatty tie and washed the Prius (it apparently worked). As for their food, they're renowned for their crab, prawns and garlic noodles. My review? Pretty yummeriffic, but not for the steep price. I'd say that you could probably get the same quality seafood for a 1/3rd of the price at Sam Woo's. At least for dessert we got one of those molten-lava chocolate cakes made gratis by Rach asking if it came with a candle. Always a recommended way to end any alcohol-fueled, milestone, era-ending, birthday weekend.

Reflections
Even though I talk a pile of dookie about turning 30, I've come to terms with it. At this point in my life, I've been blessed beyond measure with what I've achieved academically/professionally, I'm surrounded by friends and family who love and support me, I own my own house, and I tricked Rach into marrying me ... muah ha ha ha! I'm truly looking forward to this next chapter in my life and even though I might not be doing any more partying on a bus, I'm sure it'll be fun nonetheless.

Thirty-something, here I come!

One Foot in the Grave

2007-05-28T22:04:00.001-07:00

Gahh ... just got back from my big birthday weekend bash in San Francisco and I just realized that I'm turning the big 3-0 in a couple hours. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I'll talk to you about it tomorrow =)

dear blog reader ...

2007-05-03T23:18:00.000-07:00

How've you been faithful blog readers? Yes I know, I've been a bad friend. I never keep in touch, although I always say that I will. I'm that old high school friend that you always seem to bump into while shopping at the mall who says, "bro give me your number so we can hang out!" Yet that call never comes. Don't you hate that?

Well, to bring you up to date, all I've really been up to for the past half year is planning my upcoming wedding, A.K.A saying yes to whatever Rach wants lol. Speaking of that, if you'd like to keep abreast on the upcoming union of the houses of Quizon and Maniago, kindly visit http://www.ephraimandrachel.com/. Visit often, and tell me what you think.

On a side note, I typically shun advertising on my site, but I implore you to visit and support my good friends' Sonny & Carlene's new vintage clothing site Mothballs. If not for the reputed "fine vintage clothing", then for the fine, fine Mothballs models. Yummo! Also, if you want to partake in some drunken debauchery with yours truly, go to the Mothballs launch party/fashion show tonight.

K, shameless plus is over. TTYL!

Rock the Vote

2006-11-07T00:07:00.000-08:00

*RANT ALERT*

Nothing irks my ire more than listening to some whiny cat who complains about the current state of affairs, but yet does absolutely nothing about it (except hold a complain-o-thon of course). At least earn the right to be a whine-o by rockin' the vote today. This election, more than any in recent memory, has the potential to affect the political agenda for the U.S., and the rest of the world for that matter, for much of the foreseeable future. Pretty important don't you think? Remember, it only takes the apathy of a collective few to have things stay the status quo. So, irregardless of your political leanings, I implore you to 1) explore the issues, 2) find your polling place and 3) vote! *The aforementioned links are for my So*Cal buds, but you get the idea.

As an added bonus, you get a fun I Voted sticker which I rock hip-hop style on my shirt with a gangsta lean. So if anything, do it for fashion! :-D

VOTE or die.

Tasty Treats

2006-11-03T00:27:00.000-08:00

I nearly fell off my rocker when I found out that a couple of my friends have never celebrated Halloween. Perhaps it's because of the negative connotation of Halloween being a celebration of the devil and all things evil/undead? For Shame! Halloween, or should I say All Hallows' Day, or should I further say, All Saints' Day -- is a Christian rooted holiday after all, take that Beelzebub! Anyhow, a holiday centered around sugary goodness can't be that bad now, can it?

For this year's Halloween festivities, Rach and I took our niece Garbrielle Alicia (Isha, pronounced, ee-sha, for short, but don't call her that in public), for some good 'ol fashion trick or treating in our new neighborhood. We figured that it made for a good opportunity for us to meet our new neighbors, most important of all, there would be a higher propensity for tasty treat givers in our new neighborhood as opposed to our old neighborhood. Don't get me wrong, I have some pretty fierce pride for my hood, but I've seen a steady and disappointing decline over the years of trick or treaters and homes that cater to them. There's many reasons for this I suppose: crime, the new conservative agenda, health nuts, etc ... but Halloween just doesn't feel the same anymore. In fact, there was many-a-case of double-dipping at the Quizon household because of the lack of Halloween spirit on Rachel's block that night. It's sad really. Why I remember how Halloween used to be when I was a kid ... (queue the harps...)

Dracula. Yes, the Transylvanian king of neck-suckery. That's what I transformed into every October 31st from the period of 1986 - 1990. Don't ask me why -- sue me for being lazy. Besides, Ephcula's real mission wasn't to win any costume contests, rather, it was to win the "who could get more candy" contest with my brothers. My tool of choice? A pillow-case. Yes, that's right, a bonafide pillow case -- only not for holding pillows, oh no my friends. I would transform that pillow case into a cornucopia of diabetic shock. No wussy pumpkin pails, those were strictly for weak-sauce amateurs of course. I would go so far as to draw a crude grid of our neighborhood, complete with trend analyses of stingy streets from past years, to ensure maximum coverage. Gotta give it up to a fat kid with some candy motivation, no? After the night's mission was complete, we would reconvene at the house to tally our spoils. The parentals would of course do the obligatory check for razor blades, thumbtacks and the like, but after that, the ritual of THE SORT would commence.

The following is how I would divide my pirate's booty (on a scale of eat that night, to give away to my cousins in the Philippines):

1. Chocolate - it was back then, and is still now, my favorite type of candy. I would take great care in separating out all the bite-size Snickers, Rolos, Crunch, M&M's, Three Muskateers, Milky Ways and if I was lucky, 100 Grand bars. I didn't care too much for the Almond-Joys (too sweet), Hershey bars/Kisses (too plain), or generic 99-cent store chocolate coins (too cheap), but at least they were still chocolate. I would make it a point to eat at least one of each kind of chocolate I had before I slept that night. MmmMmMMM.

2. Fruity (like Uly and Jurex) - I'd categorize most of the fruit tasting candy in this pile. Lots of Ferrara Pan stuff like Lemonheads, Red Hots and Boston Baked Beans. I'd also put the Willy Wonka branded candy here, my favorites of which were Gobstoppers, Laffy Taffy, Fun Dip, Nerds and Runts. Can't forget about the "get stuck in your teeth" stuff like Skittles, Starburst and Gummy Bears. SCRUMPTIOUS.

3. Con Salsa- this pile was reserved for candies made from our south of the border brethren. Because of the demographic of my area, this included mostly Mexican candy, you know the kind with the white wax paper wrapper that usually had some swirly colored substance inside of it. I wasn't the biggest fan of the stuff, but I knew that my Mexican carnales at school dug it, so I saved it just for them (you owe me Salvador and David). I did routinely keep the Tamarindo, or Mexican Tamarind candy, mostly for the novelty of pushing, scraping and eating the gunk through what I can only describe as a small sieve.

By the way, I propose that, candy that is made to be shared, such as Tamarindo and Ring Pops, rival only toilet bowl licking in their cleanliness. Sharing is not caring in this case young boys and girls, unless you also want to share in the wonderful world of Hepatitis or Mono. You've been warned!

4. Other - sometimes I have to wonder if people actually put some thought into what they give away during Halloween. Not so. Over the years I've discovered many a peculiar item in my pillow case. Some of the more interesting items include, toothbrushes, loose change, mini-bibles, toy soldiers, or my personal favorite, public service announcement pamphlets telling us youngins how sex is evil (crazy fundamentalists).

Back to present. Though Eesh didn't come close to being on par with my past trick or treating exploits, I'd say that with a little help from her auntie and uncle, she made out quite well in the candy department. She battled with a tad bit of stage fright when it came to knocking on doors and saying trick or treat, but our neighbors were happy to oblige her with sweet, sweet confections. I took my cut, of course, for being her chaperone for the night: a Baby Ruth and half a 100 Grand. Only two you say? Give me a break, I'm on a diet, I got a wedding next year remember?!

TRICK OR TREAT! Till next time ....

The Evil House of China

2006-10-15T03:38:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, I watched the much anticipated (by me) The Grudge 2 and I have to say it didn't disappoint. I am now officially scared of all the peoples and peoples who look like the peoples of Japan. Rach came with me too and was coincidentally in the same theatre, but she in fact watched another movie named Watching the Arm of My Sweater Whilst Asking My Fiancee What's Going on in The Grudge 2. Yea I heard that movie sucked BTW haha. The movie definitely prepped me for the gang's recent trip to Knott's Scary Farm where they had a special Grudge 2 Maze. It makes me want to fee fee in my fanties just thinking about it. *Shudders*.

In the spirit of this past Friday the 13th, and it being Halloween and all, I thought I'd create a special holiday post retelling one of my favorite spooktakular stories. My Auntie told me this story when I was a kid and apparently it's true. Read on, IF YOU DARE. PUAH HA HA HA!?!

THE EVIL HOUSE OF CHINA

Once upon a time, in a small non-descrip town, on a cracked earthen road in rural China, a humble farmer named Wang makes his way on his long journey home. Given Wang's exhaustion after an unusually hectic, but prosperous day, he finds that his worn-out knotty legs have brought him but a quarter of the way back to his small home two cities away. The advent of the setting sun, coupled with unusually inclement weather have prompted Wang to seek quarter for the night. Too poor to pay for a room at the nearest inn, Wang endeavours to rely upon the kindness of the townsfolk along the earthen road to provide him with shelter for the night.

Knock, knock.

"Sir, could you please spare an extra room or your stable for that matter, for this poor farmer?" Wang pleaded. "I am far from home, and I surely cannot travel any further this rainy night."

The owner of the house scoffed at Wang, with his nose held high.

"You peasant, you smell of garlic and oxen. Your stench will annoy even my pigs. Away with you!"

House after house, the reply was the same. Would Wang find shelter this night? Thoroughly dismayed, Wang happened upon the very last house for miles. It was a lonely house, made of mud, weathered by the winds of neglect. Wang, in desperation, knocks on the door of the house.

Knock, knock.

An ancient lady peers through a crack in the door, her countenance as aged as the house in which she resides. She proceeded to cup her ear in an effort to hear the stranger at the door better.

"Ma'am, you are my last hope for finding shelter on this night. Please have pity on this humble farmer and provide me quarter ... I beg you." Wang beeseched.

"But of course you can my son", the lady reassured, ushering Wang inside the house. "You're welcome to stay in the room down the hall, second door on the right."

"You have saved me madame - surely the Gods will smile upon your kindness!" Wang exclaimed. Full of good cheer, Wang bid the lady a good night and closed the door to the room.

Upon entering the room, Wang found that a simple straw mat was set upon the earthen floor, complete with a tattered quilt and pillows filled with chicken feathers. Wang, not hesitating to allow this day to pass, laid his bone-weary body down on the straw mat to what he thought would be a well deserved rest.

Only minutes after Wang laid his head down on the mat, a faint sound, the source of which Wang could not discern, seemed to come from the room next door. Wang dismissed this disruption as tricks of the howling wind outside and tried that much harder to go back to his dreams of the new harvest. However, the harder he tried to go back to sleep, the louder the sound became. Curiousity got the better of Wang, who at this point got up and cupped his hand to the wall that was shared with the room next door. Strangely, Wang heard the muffled sound of music with a glint of what sounded like laughter. Still curious, given that the bedroom walls were made of mud, Wang poked a finger sized peep-hole into the room next door and peered through it. What he saw through the peep-hole was a strange sight to behold: a young, bare-naked woman stood there dancing to the music, the source of which Wang still could not discern.

"That's odd, I could've sworn that the old lady lived here by herself." Wang, dismissing the scene as a trick of his exhausted mind, once again, laid down on the straw mat to try and go back to sleep. Yet the sound of the music remained, this time louder and more hypnotic, almost as if emanating from his very head. Wang, in a fit of frustration, went back to same peep-hole he bore earlier and took another look. This time, however, he saw something he was not expecting. Hoping, secretly, to see the young woman again, he instead saw the color red, and only the color red, through the peep hole. He looked away, rubbed his eye, and then looked through the peep-hole again -- the color red was all he saw.

"Something strange is going on here." Muttered Wang. "First thing tomorrow morning, I'm going to have to bring this up to the old lady." Finally, Wang was able to fall asleep a mere two hours before sunrise.

The next day, Wang awoke to the smell of rice porridge and dried fish being prepared in the kitchen. The old lady bid him good morning and implored him to eat. After Wang had his fill, he decided to confront the lady about the strange goings-ons from the previous night.

"Madame, thank you so much for your hospitality. I did want to bring something to your attention however." Wang recalled. "I believe I saw your daughter in the room next to the one I slept in, dancing late into the night with music blaring from a source unknown. It was quite difficult to get a good night's rest with all that racket."

Suddenly the old lady's face turned a sallow white as if she had just seen a ghost.

"I am sorry sir, but that is impossible." The old lady said sadly, but curtly. "My daughter has been dead for over 20 years. She was born with an abnormality you see. The townsfolk would constantly torment her for it. She eventually committed suicide to free herself from her tormentors ... all this becase of her one red eye. "

THE END

HAPPY HALLOWEENIE Y'ALL - be safe.

Summer Hiatus = Over

2006-10-11T23:43:00.000-07:00

As I thaw from the suspended animation that has come to typify my blog this past summer, a faint chill tingles my newly shaven head. My favorite season is here: Autumn! Just in case you were wondering, whenever Autumn gets picked on by the other seasons because of his peculiar sounding name, he goes by the much more gangsta: Fall! Who wants to mess with Fall huh? Spring with your flowers and showers? Didn't think so punk!

Speaking of seasons ... hmmm, summer. Where in the world did you go? Down super busy street next to no time for blogging lane, that's where. Seems many of you have missed me during my summer blogging hiatus. You can tell by some of the spirited comments and IMs I've been receiving as of late:

Well come on! What are you waiting for? Give some of your... I think the.. uh.. "Gangsta" way of saying it is "NorCal," (maybe?) some love and post something!

I'm tired of cockroaches.

I'm about to give up on your blog.

Ouch.

I smell something, and it's not the litterbox ... it's my readers' bile-filled ANGST. Hopefully the following will cheer you up a bit. Though I will undoubtedly post more about some of the more significant moments of this summer's past, I've decided to give you a quick pictoral rundown of this summer's events in the interim. Hover over each pic for some gripping color commentary from yours truly:

Fast forward to today, and voila, you're all caught up. Till next time!

Next time on TGI EPH:

Many of you will be familiar with my next post as I tell it at least once every Halloween season. It's a story so blood-curdingly frightening, it's made lesser men puke, pee and cry -- ALL AT ONCE. Ahhhhhhhh! Make sure to visit again on Friday the 13th when we take a trip to the Evil House of China. Dun dun dunnnnnn!?!

Roachaphobia

2006-06-21T23:24:00.000-07:00

Being the hardcore tough guy that I am, I'm not afraid of many things in this world. But the things that I am afraid of, I'm really afraid of ... borderline phobic perhaps. The majority of these fears were formed at an early age through a series of traumatic events. Let's analyze this further ...

PHOBIA #1: LAS CUCARACHAS

Breakfast looks especially frisky this morning!

One would think that being born in the land of super-roaches (or as they're called in the Philippines: ipis), courage towards roaches would be in my blood. First, I should point out that ipis back home aren't your run-of-the-mill baby German roaches, they are in fact monsters. Yes that's right, MONSTERS, replete with wings that enable them to fly. Ipis will laugh at your futile attempts to squash them with your tsinelas, so you have to take a more active part in their destruction. You have to literally crush them with your hands. In fact, my Dad will routinely kill an ipis with his bare hands like it was something as ordinary as walking your dog. EWWW.

Here are some of my favorite roach factoids:

A cockroach can live a week without its head. It dies from dehydration and not because its lost its head
A cockroach can hold its breath for 40 minutes
They can survive radiation up to 12 times greater than humans
Roaches have been implicated in the spread of tuberculosis, leprosy, cholera, dysentery and typhoid
The average roach-infested household contains more than 20,000 roaches

See! Only monsters and the devil himself can have these qualities. So what can my particular case of roachaphobia be traced to you say? I feel a flashback coming on! Queue the harps...

One fine day in the Philippines, a young non-roach-fearing Eph, was innocently enjoying some Maiz con Queso (sweet corn and cheese) ice cream, when in the off distance, a faint rustling was heard. The source of the rustling was in fact the flower arrangement on the table. This faint rustle transformed from a rustle to a low roar (think helicopter blades). What came out of the flower arrangement, no, what SPAWNED from the flower arrangement, was the biggest ipis I'd ever seen, and it was flying straight towards me. Now the ipis could've just flown past me, but it had to taste the sweet nectar that was Queso con Maiz ice cream, the remnants of which were still glistening on my lips. So like a Greek tragedy, all time stopped while the ipis proceeded to land its disease laden body on my face. I don't remember if I fainted, but I feel like fainting just thinking about it - OH THE HUMANITY!!!

Because of this single act, I cannot sleep in a room where I've seen an ipis in. I obsessively Raid any possible opening that an errant ipis might come through. I don't venture into the kitchen at night so as to not have a chance encounter with a dreaded ipis. Rach and I have a deal that when we get married and have a house of our own, I have to kill all the spiders (I'm not afraid of arachnids - go figure) and she has to kill all the ipis.

For all these reasons and more, I despise the ipis (and so should you). Be on the lookout for future phobia analyses themed posts including: rabbits, needles and earthquakes.

LATE.

The Times Are A' Changin'

2006-06-01T02:00:00.001-07:00

You might be wondering why I haven't posted lately ... let's just say that I can't recall the last time I've experienced this amount of change in my life. The world as I currently know it will completely change for the better, worse or both (it's been quite taxing on my mind to say the least). As such, blogging is at the bottom of my life's totem pole at the moment. Ahoy! Don't fret ephlog fans, a lot of fresh and juicy blogs chronicling these recent events are forthcoming. In the meantime, peep my totally rad pictures from my rocking 80s Birthday EPHstravaganza (btw i'm writing a phat blog on this as well). Let the Summer Birthday Season officially BEGIN.

Does your hero make it to his room this year after Birthday EPHstravaganza ? Stay tuned!

p.s. good blogs come to those who wait!

- eph

Hermanos, ¡Feliz Cumpleanos!

2006-05-09T23:26:00.000-07:00

I wanted to reserve a post to wish my two brosephs a very happy birthday:

Daniel "Dan" Maniago
Birthday: May 5, 1983
Bro Factoid: Dan plays Capcom's Street Fighter line of arcade games competitively and is a perennial finalist in Evolution, the worldwide fighting games competition. His handle is Clockw0rk, a name known and feared within gaming circles. The extent of his infamy became readily apparent to me when some groupie (unfortunately it was some dorky dood) came up to him at the mall asking for his autograph or something to that affect.

Because of all this, his resume actually reads "unparalleled hand/eye coordination". Dan is also blessed with the fact that he bears a striking resemblance to the handsome-man looks of yours truly. Looks and tastes like me, only taller! Get him while he's hott ladies!

Regino "Reggie" Maniago
Birthday: May 8, 1978
Bro Factoid: Reg currently resides in the city of Yokosuka, Japan and is currently employed at the U.S. Naval Base there. By freak coincidence, we just found out that the apartment complex he currently resides in is the same apartment complex that we stayed in as kids when my Dad was stationed there by the U.S. Navy. It was almost like he was meant to end up there. It trips me out how things come around full circle like that. Another cool thing about Reg is that he's pretty fluent in Nihongo so instead of pointing to his butt when he needs to go to the restroom like some common gaijin, he can say toire wa doko desu ka like the locals do.

Message from cuya:

It's not just the blood that flows through our veins that binds us -- that's a given. It's the struggles we've shared growing up together, through good and especially the tough times. It's a culmination of all the groundings/spankings, crazy girlfriends, Mom's tears of frustration, Pop's "I'm disappointed in you" talks, words not meant but said in anger ... it's these shared experiences that have molded us into the men we are today.

Lord knows that we don't always get along, and I know that at times it seems that I'm a harda$$ or I'm being impatient with you, but understand that it's rooted in the potential that I see in both of you. I know I don't tell you guys this enough, but I am extremely proud of you and I love you guys ... and sh*t (had to end that soft stuff with a good cuss -- can't sound like a sissy cake now can I?)

PAZ

I practiced this pose for hours

2006-04-27T00:54:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, I got a love note from the California Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV), stating that my driver's license was about to expire. The notice went on to say that since I'd renewed by mail for the past 10 years, I was required to come in and take a new picture. DOH! I think that aside from going to the dentist and eating liver, going to the DMV ranks pretty high on the "things I don't like to do" list. I was pleasantly surprised to find, however, that for the first time in my life, I actually had a good experience at the DMV.

First, instead of waiting in line with a bunch of grumps like I did 10 years ago, I simply made an appointment using the DMV's online appointment system which allowed me to choose a convenient time for an appointment to renew my license at the DMV closest to me. Luckily, the Pasadena DMV had an appointment slot available the very next day after I got my love note. Contented after making my appointment, I decided that since the license picture I'd be taking the next day would potentially be my picture for the next 10 years, I should practice my handsome man pose. While waiting in line to get my picture taken, the process got me to thinking -- IDs are interesting because they show the kind of person you were/are at the time the picture was taken. To illustrate, here are some examples of my IDs of the recent past:

Type: CA Driver's License

Pic Taken: 1995

The Look: Gotta Keep It Gangsta Yo

Description: I like to call this my "Thug ID". I was 17 with a big chip on my shoulder. I got upset if a guy even blinked at me funny. I personified the typical Norwalk/Cerritos Filipino of the era. I had a lowered Civic and bangs for goodness sakes! Smiling in a picture? Pshaw! You had to be have a constant scowl on your face just like Snoop Dogg.

Type: College ID
Pic Taken: 1997
The Look: Cool Guy on Campus
Description: I was about 19 in this picture, and by this time I had started to get my act together -- I actually got into college! When posing for this picture, I thought to myself, perhaps my thug pose will work on these college chicks as well! It didn't if you're keeping score. How could they resist these bangs and 24/7 hard to the core look?! =(

I do have a particular affection for this card as it still affords me the coveted student discount at the movies. I think I'll milk that discount till the day I die. SWEET.

Type: Work ID
Pic Taken: 2000
The Look: Smarmy Corporate Guy
Description: I was 22, fresh out of college and ready to make my mark in corporate America. I wanted to be sure to make a good impression on my first day, so I decided to get rid of my patented scowl. When the ID lady told me to smile, I had to will the 17 muscles it takes to smile out of atrophy. It's not too surprising that what came out was more of a smarmy smirk than a Colgate smile.

Type: Driver's License (present day)
Pic Taken: 2006
The Look: The Real Me
Description: Fast forward to present day. It's game time. As the ID lady at the DMV signaled me to smile, it became evident that the 2 hours of smile practicing the night before paid off. Result: pure Colgate baby!

There's only one person to thank for the resurgence of my pearly whites -- my girlfriend Rachel. I've been with Rach for about 4 years now, and one thing that she's taught me is the fine art of the smile. Rach is the reigning queen of the Colgate smile ... a veritable award for Ms. Photogenic in every picture. Peep our recent tag-team smile-a-thon below:

I'm one month away from being 29, and I have to say that overall, I'm a much more happier person than I was 10 years ago. This is due largely in part to the fact that I have much more to be happy about (great girlfriend, good job, got a house, etc). Something tells me that the patented scowl is retired for now ...

Hmm, what's that smell ...

2006-04-20T01:10:00.000-07:00

For those of you in the know:

HAPPY 420

*A message from you friends at ephmaniago.com: While we do not condone the use of any illicit/illegal substances on this site (nor do we admit to partaking of the hippy cabbage ourselves), we do respect your right to eat copious amounts of Cheetos coupled with an Alberto's Carne Asada Burrito, all the while having a marathon Half-Baked viewing session.

Be on the lookout for my second post of April by end of week. I promise it'll be good. Till then!

Word of the Day - ses·qui·pe·da·lian

2006-04-12T01:56:00.000-07:00

Wow, my first post of April! I'm proud to report that I've finally got used to the hour of sleep I lost all thanks to my best friend Daylight Savings Time. Onward post!

Language ... words. They fascinate me. It just trips me out that out of the vibrating flesh & sinew that are your vocal chords, comes forth thought, feeling ... communication!

I personally speak three languages with varying levels of fluency: English (Greetings & salutations!), Kapampangan (kumusta naka!), and bad/ghetto English which I am particularly fluent at (wuttup dawg, wuts cracken!).

I even have favorite words:

u·biq·ui·tous, adj. - being or seeming to be everywhere at the same time.

co·nun·drum, n. - a paradoxical, insoluble, or difficult problem; a dilemma.

con·stan·ti·no·ple, n. - the largest city and former capital of Turkey (my very first big word, taught to me by Dr. Seuss in his literary masterpiece Hop on Pop).

I also like fake words:

ex·pec·to pa·tro·num - this conjures the mighty Patronus spell of course! (yes I'm a closet Harry Potter geek).

bro·seph n. - brother+ joseph, a tag word similar to dood or man, first coined by Jack Black in Anchorman.

your word of choice + fart v.- faft (fart + laugh), shart (sh*t + laugh), etc.

A random polling of favorite words from friends resulted in the following:

wasps, n. - a wasp is any insect of the order Hymenoptera and suborder Apocrita that is not a bee, sawfly, or an ant. (Rachel likes this word because of the way the 'sps' part of the word sounds. How do you use this word in its possessive form? Wasps'es? If you find out, let me know, it's been killing me.)

re·tro·min·gent, a. - organized so as to discharge the urine backward (submitted by Frank Noz -- I think I know people who are organized this way, especially those who frequent Gas station bathrooms, yuck)

pu·ke, n. - the Tagalog slur for vagina. (confidently submitted by Carlene's Mom, ain't she great haha)

ses·qui·pe·da·lian, adj. - given to the use of long words (submitted by Ted, my all-knowing co-worker. I just wish there was a cuss word this long - how bout' fukquipealianitch!)

If you enjoy words and language as much as I do, peep these links:

Dictionary.com - a must for all word-o-philes. Sign up for their word of the day service while you're there.

Swearsaurus - Traveling overseas? Wanna cuss out your best bud in Punjabi? "Hey eph you Pra-chodh (brother humper)". Learn to swear like the locals do! I especially enjoyed their vast Tagalog selection: Ganito ka ba talaga kabaho? Translation: Do you really stink this bad? LOL. *Sorry this site looks like it has some p0rn ads, so surf at your own risk.

UrbanDictionary.com - Don't understand what I'm saying half the time? Then this be the site for you cuh.

Well, I better quit now before I get too sesquipedalian. This is one of Genee's biggest pet peeves (check out Genee's rant on this subject in the middle of her latest post).

Any that I missed? Please share with the class!

Think Before You Protest

2006-03-27T22:08:00.000-08:00

Photo courtesy of Frank Noz

Unless you've been hiding under a rock this past year, you'd know that the debate on U.S. Immigration Reform is the ubiquitous topic du'jour of pundits everywhere. To make a long story short, the U.S. congress is essentially trying to figure out to do with the illegal immigrant "problem". Should we kick them all out, should we grant them general amnesty, or is the answer somewhere in the middle? Being an immigrant myself, I can certainly relate to this topic, but I find myself having mixed feelings about the subject (my thoughts on this debate are are wide and varied and shall be reserved for another post entirely). Regardless of what side of the debate you find yourself on, I believe that this is first and foremost an issue of economics. A battle of the haves and have nots. Simply put, if in your current environment you find yourself not able to feed yourself or your family, then common sense dictates that you will remove yourself from that situation and migrate to an environment that affords you with better opportunities. Simple no? Anyone can relate to that. Yet I digress ... the above was meant to give you, the reader, some context to the topic at hand: my thoughts on the recent spate of student led demonstration/walk-outs hitting the nation as a direct reaction to said illegal immigration debate.

As I drove to work this morning, I saw a sight reminiscent of my high school days during the Prop 187 demonstrations we had at my high school. Though this occured over 10 years ago (kind of goes to show you that we haven't progressed much on this subject), the scene was the same: a handful of high school students, 10 or 20 at most, marching down the street in what at first seems like an exercise in civil disobedience. Now, I'm all about being proud of your heritage ... Lord knows that I'm the first to espouse Mabuhay Ang Pilipinas (Long Live the Philippines), but please, please, PLEASE, understand what you're protesting for before you protest! Remember that the Man is just waiting to use your ignorance against you. That being said, let's examine what I feel this protest is definitely not about:

First, it is definitely not about protesting against going to school for the day. If this is the case, you are just a punk ditcher who needs any excuse to skip class for the day. Think about it. Walking out of school just to ditch and act a fool on Channel 5 is actually contrary to one of the main reasons that many immigrants come to this country in the first place -- to provide for an education for their children. Yea I'm talking to you the dood giving shout outz to everyone in da' hood.

Second, this is not a protest in support of the advancement of [insert your country of choice here]. While I do support the proclimation of one's heritage, remember that immigrants come to the U.S. for the unique opportunities that only it can give and are in fact, leaving their homeland to do so. Flag-waving for the sake of flag-waving only gives the fascists fodder for their anti-immigrant rhetoric. "If they love their country so much, they should just go back!" Don't get caught in this trap.

I can go on, but do yourself a favor. Educate Yourself. Here is a great link from NPR to get you started --> Q&A: Inside the Immigration Debate.

I don't claim to be an expert on this topic, nor am I trying to persuade you towards one side or the other. If anything, I hope that this post will at least spur an open-discussion with you, my readers. Lastly, I know that many of you high-school kids really do know what you're protesting about, and I stand in solidarity right there with you, just like I did in '94 -- defiant with a clenched fist in the air.

Stop the ignorance!

Eph's Random Reflection Vol. 1 - Can't Truss' It

2006-03-27T00:51:00.000-08:00

The following is the first in my series of random reflections about things I find interesting, amusing, upsetting or just plain weird in this wonderful world. An admonition to you the reader: many of the random musings contained therein were born during drunken debauchery with da' homiez. That being said, many of these things are probably more profound after a beer or two (or five), so feel free to take necessary action to properly prepare yourself *_~

Random Reflection #1

While the GF and I were on vacation in Vegas recently, we were at a restaurant waiting for our dinner to be served. The waiter, my steaming asparagus and crab soup in hand, proceeded to place the the dish in front of me with the dire warning, "Sir, please be careful, the dish is VERY, VERY, VERY hotttt!" What's the first thing I do? Touch it of course! What did I find out? It was hottt -- what a revelation! Question: Why do we as humans always question what someone is telling us? I call this the Can't Truss' It syndrome.

The Can't Truss' It syndrome seems to manifest itself in other situations as well:

Jurex: "Dang, this gazelle placenta stew tastes like I opened up my mouth and the farm came in."
Darren: "Wow really, let me taste!"

Can't Truss' It!

Jurex: "(After stepping out of the bathroom) Whew, that Indian food just didn't agree with me. I wouldn't go in there if I was you ..."
Darren: "Pish posh, let me investigate!"

Can't Truss' It!

Did Darren think that gazelle placenta might taste like vanilla ice cream? Probably not. Did Darren think that the bathroom would smell like a bouquet of roses? Probably not. Why can't we just, for lack of a better term, truss it????

Well, after pondering this for some time, I've come to the conclusion that human beings just have inherent trust issues with each other. It's not that Darren doesn't think that the gazelle placenta is going to taste great, he just doesn't trust that Jurex is telling the truth. Further, it's not that I didn't think that the plate wasn't hot, I just didn't trust the waiter's judgement on what he thought I thought might be hot. After all, who's he to tell me what's hot and what's not? I have a Ph.D. in hottness after all! Ahh you see, here is yet another reason why we Can't Truss' It: superiority. As human beings, we just think we're better than everyone else, and any opinion contrary to ours is just plain jib-jab. "Yea Eph, but what in the world does this all mean?" Hmm, there are larger issues at play here.

I challenge you to find a conflict, large or small, that doesn't deal with issues of trust. Whether it be the Middle-East conflict, your boyfriend chastising you for going out with your girls, or your buddy not letting you borrow money, it all comes down to one thing: T-R-U-S-T. So, to my Pilipino-American bretheren out there, here is a little something that you can do to make your little dent in resolving all world conflict. At your next family gathering, when Auntie Baby tells your Anglo-American friend that the Dinuguan over there is "chocolate meat", just tell your buddy to truss' her.

Till next time!

p.s. download Can't Truss It by Public Enemy. It's a great song.

Eph on the Go

2006-03-23T01:14:00.000-08:00

Ever hear of a Moblog? You might think this is another Filipino fancy name mashup, bit it is something a bit more techie in nature. Moblogging is essentially the ability to post something to your blog via a mobile device (in this case my Sony Ericsson s710a camera phone). Most blogging applications have moblogging functionality built in as is the case with my current blogging system Blogger (a.k.a Blogger Mobile). This allows me to create whole blog posts straight from the my cellie. So, in addition to eating and talking on the phone, I can now also add blogging to my list of driving distractions!

What I've wanted to do for the longest time on my old site was to have a photo moblog. Being that I am in the computer programming profession, it was my nature to want to create a custom application to do just that, but alas, my trusted "spidey-sense" a.k.a laziness, kicked in. "Why code this myself, when someone's prolly already gone through all the trouble to do it for me?" As luck would have it, I was able to integrate Flickr (Yahoo's photo's storage service), which also has moblogging built in, with my blog. It was pretty easy to setup and I was up and running in about 20 minutes.

If you look to the right of my blog, you should see a group of pictures entitled "Eph on the Go". This is my brand spanking new photo moblog! I currently have it configured to show the last 5 pictures I've taken on my camera phone, so my apologies if the pictures are kinda mundane as I'm trying to make sure that everything works.

Well, you now have full access to see a day in my life represented through snapshots from my camera phone. Enjoy stalkers!

What an Eph'ed up name

2006-03-16T21:08:00.000-08:00

Ephraim
Origin: Hebrew
Meaning: "Very Fruitful" (greeeeaaaatttt)
Rating: (according to babynamesworld.com): 2 out of 5 stars -- 62% say "I don't like it"

Filipinos take the responsibility of naming their kids very seriously. Names such as Dave, Bill or Doug just don't cut it where I'm from. To illustrate, let's take a sampling of some of my FilAm friends' names: Novette, Jesom, Jurex, Ulysses, Carlene, Romar, Aldrich ... the list goes on and on. Let's take a look at two typical Filipino naming conventions.

The first entails taking two names and smushing them together to output a new super duper name! Let's see this in action ...

Robert + Mary = Romar
Jose + Ricardo = Jurex
Carlos + Marian = Marlo
Horace + Mona = Homo (this one isn't true but it's funny haha)

Another commonality in the taxonomy of Filipino naming schemes includes the infamous "what my Mom calls me" name or pet name. Let's look into at this further ...

Romar = Bimbo (sorry bro)
Jesom = Som som boy
Daniel (my bro) = Maruchan (japanese name for cup o' noodles)
Me = Rai-Rai (so obviously because my Dad's name is Rey, and there's a permutation of his name in my name (rai) my pet name has to be Rai-Rai!)
Other typical pet names include Bong, Charito, Baby, and the always reliable Jun-Jun.

The origins of this behavior are a mystery to me, though I have a feeling it partially has roots in the Spanish colonization of the Islands back in the day. I hypothesize that because of an inferiority complex, coupled with the advent of Catholicism, many native Pilipinos of the time sought to rid themselves of their 'native-ness' by adopting Christian and Spanish names. Also, in general, Filipinos have an affluence for all things dramatic and extravagant, a trait especially exhibited in the naming of children. My parents were no different.

My name was a sore topic when I was younger. My parents tried to shield me from my real name until my first day of school. I remember getting up being so excited to start my academic career and suddenly, my Mom turned my world upside down.

"Rai-rai, listen to me carefully. Your name is Ephraim."
"Mom, it sounds funny -- I don't even know how to pronounce it!!!! The kids are going to hate me!"

Welp, the kids didn't hate me per se. They liked me, but they liked making fun of my name even more. I've heard it all from "how's it going Mushroom" to, "what's up Afro" and my personal favorite -- "wuts up man/bro/dood/come again" (said with a puzzled look). The hidden shame of my childhood days rears it's ugly head from time to time, especially at places where you're required to give your name. Case in point, at Starbucks, when my name is called out for my Soy Vanilla Latte, Eric is what you'll hear.

In the end, I've grown to truly appreciate my name. I've come to terms with the fact that my name is what makes me, me. Heck, my name even has it's very own MySpace group (and to think I was all alone in this world)? I guess it could've been worse ... I could've had a girls name (Janel - sorry bro!) or have it rhyme with a condom brand (sorry Jurex)!

Battle of the Weathermen!

2006-03-11T01:58:00.000-08:00

Hungry for another post you say! Lucky for you, the nap in my previous post has made me not sleepy. Ok, commence postage:

Earlier, eager to find out when this rainy spell would leave us, I tuned into KCAL9 to see, or better yet, experience, resident weather person Jackie Johnson do the weather forecast. Is it just me, or is Jackie Johnson's bust like halfway into Nevada when she does the weather? C'mon broseph, let's get real. We all know that Jackie didn't get hired for her Weather forecasting skillz, she got hired for her "shake what yo Mama gave you" skillz. Now before I get heckled for being a sexist, according to her bio, Jackie does indeed have the journalistic credentials to be on the news, but unlike her ABC7 archrival Dallas Raines, Jackie isn't even AMS (American Meteorological Society) certified. Travesty I say! Then again, in LA, how hard is it really to point to predict the Weather? I bet you anyone (including me) could do it -- I'd say that there's a 90% chance of it being sunny with a scant chance of clouds (on a typical day in LA at least).

So if the sole criterion for being a weatherman (woman) is Grecian good looks, who would you rather see do the weather: Jackie, Dallas, or me?

I think the forecast calls for -- keepin' it Gangsta! LOL -- KCAL9, I'll be awaiting your call >:-)

Rain, Rain Go Away ...

2006-03-11T00:48:00.000-08:00

With the advent of an unseasonably cold Alaskan storm making its way through normally sunny SoCal, the GF and decided to make it a Blockbuster night at her house. Headlining tonight's festivities was Keira Knightley in the action-packed Pride & Prejudice. Lucky for me and true to form, a yummy nap ensued. Thankfully, by the time I woke up it was time for me to go home.

I arrived at home and as I started walking down the familiar pathway to my condo, I passed by a bunch of young folks hangin out in the patio a few condos a way from mine, creating a racous racket and having consumed copious amounts of adult beverages no doubt! "Perhaps a nice call to my homeowners association should quiet them up", I thought. Damn. Since when did I become the old cranky guy on the corner who killjoys the party before midnight?! I should prolly walk back there and ask them for a brew just to redeem myself, but then again I think my arthritis is acting up :)

Post #1

2006-03-08T23:26:00.000-08:00

Dammit Eph, why don't you ever update your Website? I can't bare to live without it!

Don't fret young ones, explanations are forthcoming:

Wow ... it just seems like yesterday when I started www.ephmaniago.com (6 years to be exact), and in those 6 years, I believe I updated the site a whopping 6 times. The initial purpose of the site in 2000 was really just to practice my Web development skills in an effort to entice potential employers. Well right in the middle of getting the site off the ground, I became gainfully employed as a Web Developer at the second largest investor-owned electric utility in California (more on this later). Excellent! I tricked someone into giving me a job doing what I loved to do! What I came to realize however, is that doing something as a job, becomes just that -- a job. So understandably, coming home after doing Webdev all day, why in the world would I want to do it on my precious free time? It's like the trashman coming home, only to take out the trash along with all his neighbors trash. You wouldn't want to do that to Mr. Trashman now would you? But I digress....

Now that I've been a Web developer for a while now and having talked to many experts in the field, I've found that the best Websites aren't necessarily the best looking (ex. www.digg.com, www.craigslist.org, etc.), but rather, are the ones with the most captivating content. Through this epiphany I've come to realize that I was trying too hard to make a "cool" Website, and neglecting the reason why people came here in the first place - to find out about all things Eph! Surprisingly, the original site logged over 10,000 hits (thanks mom!!!), so I suppose people are indeed curious about what I'm up to. Soooo - to make a long story even longer, in an effort to quench you eph-a-maniacs out there, I've opted to go with an off-the-shelf blogging system which will hopefully allow me to update more often.

Lastly, it's fitting that this post is entitled "Post #1" as it is posted during a time of many firsts (and lasts) in my life. From the butt-breaking (my first time roller-skating), to the sappy romantic (my first real love -- wut thugz need hugz too), to the heart-breaking (my first time without my Dad around), I'll try and chronicle them all here. It is my sincere hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them ...

- eph