tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71811462009-07-14T14:10:55.006-07:00All bourbon can be whiskey, but not all whiskey can be bourbon.mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comBlogger660125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-54733783775320690202009-07-14T08:02:00.000-07:002009-07-14T14:10:50.231-07:00

While the owner was on the internet looking for proof that the size of his cat is completely normal, his boyfriend and I took these pictures:A regulation tennis ball,              pocket dictionary                      and a Bic pen.

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-63648828512272318032009-07-13T12:48:00.000-07:002009-07-13T16:20:04.015-07:00

(Walking back to my chair...)Her: That woman over there complimented me on not shaving my thighs. Told you.Me: She could have only known that you don't shave your thighs because she saw hair. Told you.Her: No, she said she thought it was a stupid concept and that you can't even see the hair and she wished she hadn't ruined her thighs by shaving them. Me: Why would she walk up to some

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-28770266884860987492009-07-09T16:53:00.000-07:002009-07-13T12:17:13.859-07:00

The Cat was fed Science Diet Adult Light (he was big boned) until, due to one illness or another, he needed to be on a prescription diet. First, it was his love for struvite crystals. Later, it was due to his diabetes, which, according to a gazillion websites, was a byproduct of his fancy prescription diet. The more I read, the more angry I became at my Vet, who had never mentioned any of this

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-56563536301562694482009-07-08T07:42:00.000-07:002009-07-08T15:17:24.133-07:00

I want you back.

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-23073317070593132482009-07-07T01:07:00.000-07:002009-07-07T07:30:31.408-07:00

     

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-20577259275590267022009-07-06T15:52:00.000-07:002009-07-06T18:06:41.677-07:00

I'm in suburbia getting my car smogged. Today's dilemma: decide between 20 minutes in the waiting room with two soccer moms debating which is worse, the invasion of the Pak-ee-stanis -v- the shit ton of undocumented Mexicans in SJC, or sit in the 90° parking lot without looking like I'm about to steal a car. The parking lot won, but only after I asked the guy at the counter if there was a

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-56096195600970534972009-07-02T13:20:00.000-07:002009-07-02T13:31:25.265-07:00

The guy I run with hurt his calf during the Mud Run. It wasn't anything two beers didn't fix, until those beers wore off and he bent over only to have the minor ache turned up to eleven. He went to the doctor, who said it was a little tear in the muscle and that ibuprofen, ice and a wrap would be his best friends. The end. Three hundred dollars (billed to your insurance provider). Go

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-34387871082217550672009-06-29T15:38:00.000-07:002009-06-29T15:39:22.801-07:00

Female 1: They all think you're gay, you know.Female 2: What's their problem? If I were gay, I'd totally fuck you 'cause you're so hot.Female 1: Me, too! We're so hot! Fuck them.[There were two girls and two guys, so drunk that they were yelling over each other to be heard (by all of us).]Male 1: Dude, every time I go down on her she pees on my face.Female 1: OMG! (She actually said, "OMG."

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-15777792502181413722009-06-26T09:36:00.000-07:002009-06-26T16:50:15.640-07:00

First time I was actually scared I might get the swine flu (H1N1 flu, whatever) from someone who may or may not have been diagnosed with the swine flu (H1N1 flu- I get it!). I've heard conflicting stories, but have been told that no one should be hanging out with this person- or his immediate family- ever again and not because he doesn't floss, but because he might kill you even three years from

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-50098292323584957992009-06-25T15:43:00.001-07:002009-06-25T15:43:43.690-07:00

Michael Jackson was only 50?

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-73388766093793206202009-06-25T11:36:00.000-07:002009-06-26T16:51:54.267-07:00

I haven't flown since November '08, so I've been living in the dark ages. This is quite lovely.

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-74283758747187967732009-06-24T06:06:00.000-07:002009-06-24T08:47:04.923-07:00

Kittens cats kittens. Seriously, get out of the house more.I can say that I have a more tenable appreciation for six in the morning. A year ago, if you had said this would be happening, I would have told you to shut your whore mouth because nothing but lies are filling the crisp night air. If I wasn't up and hauling ass to get out of the house for a race or just going to bed, six in the

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-78849617337427137262009-06-23T07:37:00.000-07:002009-06-23T14:55:43.719-07:00

My entire house is covered in packing tape. It's the only thing I've found that keeps The Kitten off, well, everything. He tried eating a speaker last night. (!) A speaker that is now covered in tape (sticky side out). He's tried climbing my palm tree, as well as digging a tunnel to China through the bottom part of the sofa. He's already stripped every piece of material from the underside

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-70775805289840145142009-06-22T12:34:00.000-07:002009-06-22T12:44:47.238-07:00

Have you ever been in the shower and gone to wash your underarm (bareback/no washcloth) only to hear a sound that would seem to be coming from a seasoned porn star, on the verge of retirement after 29 banner years in the industry, who is doing her last gang bang flick, which is on such a tight budget there's no soundtrack and you hear all of the noises, kind of noise?

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-85151106934932435542009-06-18T14:43:00.000-07:002009-06-18T16:09:14.931-07:00

The same friend who asked me to take in The Cat was the only person who knew about his death. I was calling her twenty times a day, asking for second and third- from her and the Vet at her hospital- opinions, so I had to tell her when she called on that Friday.My friend called a few days later and said that there was a big whore of a cat who just had her third litter (apparently, the good people

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-78761572508850441952009-06-15T18:37:00.000-07:002009-06-15T18:54:01.844-07:00

It didn't look like The Cat had a very good Thursday afternoon, so I decided to stay home on Friday. But, by evening, he was drinking water on his own (although we were still doing SQ fluids BID) and looked like he felt a lot better. He hadn't eaten since Sunday, but he was acting like himself again; jumping on my lap, moving around the house, not just lurking in the washroom, and hitting up

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-39158699197906748752009-06-11T11:43:00.001-07:002009-06-11T12:15:10.001-07:00

You might not have taken my Five Point Method to heart, but let this be a lesson to you:Then, just like any other event in which people are sweating and covered in mud, there are the people you just want to look at (for various reasons, not excluding laughter):The end.

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-65734573697925856892009-06-10T17:04:00.000-07:002009-06-10T17:07:00.215-07:00

If the photographer had stuck with me, he'd have seen that climbing over a wall- that lands you in a heap of mud- is a five point procedure. Here are steps two and three:I learned fairly quickly that you should land facing the wall and with one hand still holding on for dear life. There have been 500 people landing in that pile of mud before you showed up and it's hardly even or compact. To

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-80569272432936836722009-06-09T15:39:00.000-07:002009-06-09T15:50:50.592-07:00

I was dreading this year's mud run for a few reasons:1) About two weeks ago, I hurt my foot when I was running on the street (it's the only big hill that's close). My knees prefer the asphalt over cement, so I run at the edge of the street. When a car comes, I hug the curb, but I know you're thinking, "Run on the f'ing sidewalk! Get out of my mother f'ing way!" Really? Were you going to

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-48815428306438431032009-06-04T15:45:00.000-07:002009-06-04T17:37:28.723-07:00

The cat was home Monday night, but back in the hospital Wednesday morning. His glucose levels went from 125 on Friday to 60 on Monday, so the Vet thought that explained everything. By Tuesday evening, I realized he wasn't drinking, even though he was spending a lot of time with his face in the dish and completely faking me out. He also hadn't eaten since Sunday morning, so I took him back to

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-81590723203279687522009-06-02T12:04:00.000-07:002009-06-04T13:56:04.292-07:00

(Thought this was published on Tuesday, but see that it wasn't. Had second thoughts about putting it up now, but here goes.)My diabetic cat almost went into hypoglycemic shock Monday morning. He hadn't eaten the night before- so hugely rare for a cat that won't let me eat without sharing- and wasn't interested in breakfast. His color was normal and he didn't seem overtly lethargic, so I

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-32633032904993926552009-05-28T14:20:00.000-07:002009-05-29T12:24:50.310-07:00

Being an Earthling can really suck sometimes.

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-36667383688430495882009-05-25T19:14:00.000-07:002009-05-26T07:59:12.339-07:00

There was a discussion regarding the classification of "oral sex," in relation to "penetrative sex," and even more discussion on teens and early twenty-somethings not only categorizing them as unrelated, but only filing one under "S." I don't believe that a boyfriend of tomorrow will think any woman more pure for being vaginally virtuous, while they have sucked more jock than the combined total

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-62453891397164849122009-05-21T14:30:00.000-07:002009-05-21T14:31:06.075-07:00

I like broccoli, rainbows and kittens, but not all in the same day.

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7181146.post-66140328582530120672009-05-20T12:41:00.000-07:002009-05-20T14:06:55.715-07:00

On my way back from playing tennis, I decided to stop at Costco for odds and ends. Walking around that enormous warehouse, I had no idea why I would go there or what I could've thought I needed and decided it wasn't worth walking the isles until I remembered. However, on my way out, I spotted something I couldn't live without. I also forgot to bring my bag, so I was walking out, my purchase

mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12635702346784360890noreply@blogger.com