Men's Health & Tips

Caloric Expenditure

2009-11-02T17:35:00.003+07:00

Meltdown Increases Caloric Expenditure And Fat-Burning Before and After Exercise

Meltdown is a weight-loss supplement that includes synephrine, caffeine, phenylethylamine, yohimbine, and hordenine. Each of these substances is thermogenic (increases caloric expenditure). A study by Jay Hoffman and co-workers showed that Meltdown increased resting caloric expenditure by 20 percent for several hours.

Another study by Darryn Willoughby from Baylor University and colleagues found that Meltdown increased caloric expenditure and fat burning before and after a short, maximal bout of exercise in college-age men. They rested one hour, took three Meltdown capsules (500 mg) or a placebo (fake Meltdown), rested another hour, took a maximal treadmill test (approximately 12 minutes of exercise to exhaustion) and then rested another hour. Meltdown increased caloric expenditure by 10 percent during the 2-hour experimental period (rest + exercise + rest) and increased estimated fat use by 6 percent. Blood pressure and heart rate were similar between Meltdown and placebo.

Meltdown increases metabolic rate at rest and during recovery from exercise without imposing additional loads on the cardiovascular system. (Journal of the International Society of Sports Nutrition, 5: 23, 2008)

Fat Loss Training

2009-11-02T17:30:00.003+07:00

High-Intensity Training Cuts Fat Best

Train hard if you want to lose weight quickly. Conventional wisdom states that low-intensity, prolonged exercise burns fat best. This makes sense because the body uses fat as fuel at exercise intensities below 65 percent of maximum effort. However, high-intensity exercise revs up your metabolism so that you burn more calories for the rest of the day and night.

Australian researchers found that people who followed a highintensity, intermittent exercise program (HIE) for 15 weeks lost more weight and fat than people doing a high-volume, low-intensity training program. HIE involved exercising on a stationary bicycle in which they did repeated bouts of sprinting for 8 seconds and turning the pedals slowly for 12 seconds. The total exercise time was 20 minutes, three times per week. The study showed that 15 weeks of high-intensity intermittent exercise reduced total body fat, surface fat in the legs and abdomen and improved blood sugar regulation. (International Journal of Obesity, in press; published online January 15, 2008)

Muscle Exercises

2009-10-08T14:36:00.002+07:00

Does Instability Training Really Work?

Many people do exercises such as squats and lunges on unstable platforms such as BOSU balls, wobble boards and Swiss balls. The theory behind instability training is that the body must activate more muscle fibers to maintain balance during the exercises. People exert less force when doing large-muscle exercises on unstable surfaces. However, the method would be useful if it improved balance and stability during sports movements, which would improve performance and prevent injuries. Researchers from the Memorial University of Newfoundland in Canada found that many instability-training devices did not cause additional muscle activation in experienced weight-trained athletes. They measured muscle activity in the calf, thigh, abdomen and spine while the athletes stood or squatted on a Dyna Disc, BOSU ball, wobble board, Swiss ball or a stable floor. They also measured muscle activation during standard lower body exercises performed on the floor or unstable Dyna Disc and during static wall-sits on the floor or BOSU ball. They only showed increased muscle activation on Swiss balls and wobble boards, which provided the most instability. The study showed that trained athletes need highly unstable surfaces to recruit additional muscle groups during standard exercises. (Journal Strength Conditioning Research, 22: 1360-1370, 2008)

The Break Up

2009-10-04T07:33:00.002+07:00

10 Reasons She Dumped You

Recently, I notice an interesting poll when I was browsing through Men’s Health. The most common breakup reasons why women dumped men are as follows:

- He cheated on me

- We weren’t compatible

- He changed

When women end relationship, we always want a reason or two. We want to know what is the cause that make the break up. So, here are to name a few:

I am bored: Maybe you don’t make her feel the ride, so she doesn’t feel any spark between you two. Not adventurous enough I guess.

One of Us Was Too Serious: This could be as simple as she wanted to see me three times a week, and I only wanted to see him once a week. If he's flirting with other women, flighty, or not as into it as I am, then I'm too serious for him.

Burnout: I'm a big believer in pacing and rhythm in dating. A relationship can suffer burnout if certain milestones occur too fast: Being exclusive, sex, meeting parents. When that happens, I get that feeling the colonists must have gotten after they won the Revolutionary War: "Ok, we did it...so now what?"

I Was Tempted To Cheat: I do my best not to cheat, so when I have recurring urges to cheat on my boyfriend, I figure it's time to break up with him. I don't need to go through with cheating; the constant urge is enough for me to end things.

All My Friends Broke Up With Their Boyfriends: This is by far the most immature reason on this list. While my boyfriend and I are curled up on the couch watching "The Devil Wears Prada," my newly single boy friends are out shredding the karaoke waves with Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" and tearing up the town. That conflict gives me wanderlust. It's much easier when we are all in for a quiet Saturday night with the significant others.

Divergent Lives: If someone moves to another town, or work is taking over, or other life changes are driving you apart, sometimes it's best to end it.

Feeling Selfish: Dating is selfless because you're giving your time and yourself up to a relationship. "Me time" is necessary at some point to work on career/living situation, travel, or whatever. When I'm in a "selfish period," it's tough to participate in a relationship.

I "Misread" My Feelings: This is the most unfair of all the reasons. Both genders make this mistake—you get into a relationship and everything seems so great. Then, a few weeks later, you realize you got wrapped up in something for the wrong reason, dated for the sake of dating, or whatever, and you need to get out.

My Friends Or Family Didn't Like Him: I pay close attention to friend/family opinions because they know me best, and they've earned the right to have their say. Also, friends and family may be able to see things inside the relationship that I'm too blinded to see.

I Took Him For Granted: Great relationships should be easy, but there has to be some tension too—especially in the beginning. If it's too easy, there's a lack of challenge. If I feel like I could have her heart any time any place, sometimes I'll let him go. This almost always ends up coming back to haunt me later, though. I never learn.

He Was Too Negative: All too often, I end up with the brooding, depressed, uptight type who is constantly complaining. I don't expect someone to be happy all the time, but if he makes me unhappy every time I see him, why stay with him?

What reasons have women used to break up with you, and which make you most angry? What reasons have caused you to break up with women? Which reasons do you think are the most common cause of breakups- do they differ for guys and women?

Interval Training

2009-09-21T12:31:00.001+07:00

Interval Training Increases Metabolic Rate More Than Continuous Training

Coaches and athletes use continuous, over-distance training and interval training to build aerobic capacity– the ability to transport and use oxygen. Continuous over-distance training is running a specific distance without stopping, while interval training is repeated bouts of high-intensity exercise interrupted by short rest periods. Australian scientists, in a study comparing interval and over-distance workouts with the same average metabolic load, found that interval training produced the highest levels of peak oxygen consumption. They concluded that interval training was a more powerful stimulus for increasing aerobic fitness. Canadian studies found that short bouts of maximal intensity exercise built high levels of fitness quickly. Six sessions of high intensity interval training on a stationary bike increased muscle oxidative capacity (citrate synthase) by almost 50 percent, muscle glycogen by 20 percent and cycling endurance capacity by 100 percent.

The subjects made these amazing improvements exercising a mere 15 minutes in two weeks. Interval training will improve fitness quickly, but it isn’t pleasant. (Journal of Science and Medicine in Sport 11: 287-290, 2008; Journal of Applied Physiology 98:1985-1990, 2005).

Training Intensity

2009-09-20T20:03:00.001+07:00

Does Instability Training Really Work?

An interesting article by Emidio Pistilli and colleagues from the Department of Physiology at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, proposed that shortterm overreaching might result in accelerated gains in strength and performance in weightlifters. Overreaching is a short-term increase in training volume and intensity, while overtraining is a more long-term condition characterized by chronic exhaustion and decreased performance. They argued that increasing the volume and intensity of workouts for a week (no more than three weeks), followed by a period of reduced training intensity, might produce a rebound increase in strength and performance. This is an interesting concept. The important components are large increases in training volume and intensity for short periods, followed by normal or moderate intensity workouts. This concept is as much art as science, and its effectiveness will vary with the experience and adaptability of the athlete. (Strength and Conditioning Journal, 30 (6): 39-44, 2008).

Interval Training

2009-09-20T19:58:00.004+07:00

Increases Metabolic Rate More Than Continuous Training

Coaches and athletes use continuous, over-distance training and interval training to build aerobic capacity– the ability to transport and use oxygen. Continuous over-distance training is running a specific distance without stopping, while interval training is repeated bouts of high-intensity exercise interrupted by short rest periods. Australian scientists, in a study comparing interval and over-distance workouts with the same average metabolic load, found that interval training produced the highest levels of peak oxygen consumption. They concluded that interval training was a more powerful stimulus for increasing aerobic fitness. Canadian studies found that short bouts of maximalintensity exercise built high levels of fitness quickly. Six sessions of high intensity interval training on a stationary bike increased muscle oxidative capacity (citrate synthase) by almost 50 percent, muscle glycogen by 20 percent and cycling endurance capacity by 100 percent. The subjects made these amazing improvements exercising a mere 15 minutes in two weeks. Interval training will improve fitness quickly, but it isn’t pleasant. (Journal of Science and Medicine in Sport 11: 287-290, 2008; Journal of Applied Physiology 98:1985-1990, 2005)

Increased Muscle Size

2009-09-19T09:45:00.002+07:00

Planned Overreaching May Bring You To The Next Level

Factors that influence increased muscle size and strength include muscle tension, time under tension, calories, key amino acids, genetics and rest. Most sports training and nutritional programs have been developed through trial and error, because the process is complex and individual. Programs appropriate for weightlifters or discus throwers are inappropriate for bodybuilders (and vice versa). However, certain basic principles apply to the training programs of all athletes.

Overreaching is a short-term increase in training volume and intensity, while overtraining is a more long-term condition characterized by chronic exhaustion and decreased performance. They argued that increasing the volume and intensity of workouts for a week (no more than three weeks), followed by a period of reduced training intensity, might produce a rebound increase in strength and performance. This is an interesting concept. The important components are large increases in training volume and intensity for short periods, followed by normal or moderateintensity workouts. This concept is as much art as science, and its effectiveness will vary with the experience and adaptability of the athlete. (Strength and Conditioning Journal, 30 (6): 39-44, 2008)

Wide-Stance Squats

2009-09-19T09:41:00.002+07:00

Wide-Stance Squats Activate Glutes Best

Personal trainers often instruct clients to vary their squatting stance to target specific muscles in the lower body. This advice is based more on popular wisdom and urban legend than scientific data. Using a technique called electromyography, Italian researchers determined that wide-stance squatting activated the gluteus maximus muscle better than more narrow stances. They measured muscle activation in eight thigh and hip muscles during a narrow stance (feet placed at hip width), moderately wide stance (150 percent hip width), and wide stance (200 percent hip width). With the exception of greater gluteus maximus activation during a wide stance, stance width had no effect on muscle activation levels in the thighs or hip.

The gluteus maximus muscle is the strongest in the body and absolutely essential to powerful movements such as jumping and sprinting. This study showed that wide stance squats are best for activating all the muscles in the thighs and hips. (Journal Strength Conditioning Research, 23: 246-250, 2009)

Weight Training

2009-09-19T09:32:00.005+07:00

Best Way To Breathe During Weight Training

Most experts advise avoiding the Valsalva maneuver (holding your breath and straining) during weight training because it causes dramatic increases in blood pressure. Scientists have measured systolic blood pressures as high as 400 mm of mercury in athletes using the Valsalva maneuver during heavy squats (120 mm Hg is normal at rest). Some lifters argue that the Valsalva maneuver helps stabilize the trunk, which can dramatically increase strength.

Elizabeth Ikeda and colleagues from the School of Physical Therapy at the University of Montana found few differences in force output during movements of the knee, shoulder and elbow on an isokinetic device when people breathed normally; breathed in during the active phase of the lift; breathed out forcefully during the active phase of the lift; or used the Valsalva maneuver. Researchers concluded that forced expiration during the active phase of the lift is the most effective and safest way to breathe during weight training. These results may not apply to experience strengthtrained athletes lifting free weights. (Journal Strength Conditioning Research, 23: 127-132, 2009)

Muscle Size

2009-09-18T17:41:00.005+07:00

Short Or Long Rest Intervals Between Sets?

Rest is an important factor determining the volume and intensity of an exercise program. Short rest intervals between sets prevent recovery but increase the stress of exercise. Long rest intervals reduce metabolic stress but allow greater recovery and increased force output during subsequent sets. Researchers from Kennesaw State University in Georgia compared the effects of 1-minute and 2.5-minute rest intervals between sets on hormone levels, strength and muscle size during a 10-week study. Oneminute rest intervals triggered greater increases in testosterone and cortisol levels only during the first week of the study. Rest intervals had no effect on growth hormone, strength or muscle size with the exception of arm size, which was 50 percent greater in the 2.5 minute rest group. Rest intervals have variable effects on hormone levels that are not necessarily related to changes in strength and muscle size. (Journal Strength Conditioning Research, in press; published online December 2008)

Muscle Performance

2009-09-18T17:29:00.005+07:00

Ice Decreases Muscle Performance

Ice is a valuable therapy for decreasing inflammation, pain and swelling. However, using it during exercise or athletic competition (e.g., while sitting on the sideline) could decrease performance and increase the risk of injury. Ice decreases muscle and nerve metabolism, slows nerve conduction speed, and impairs the rate of muscle activation. Researchers from Old Dominion University, led by Jennifer Fischer, found that applying an ice bag on the hamstrings for 10 minutes decreased performance in the shuttle run, single-leg vertical jump, and co-contraction test. The effects lasted for at least 20 minutes after exercise. Applying ice for 3 minutes had no effect on performance. Ice is a valuable modality for treating injuries and trauma during recovery from physical activity, but should not be used before or during exercise. (Journal Strength Conditioning Research, in press; published online December 2008)

10 Tips for Good Relationship

2009-06-22T11:52:00.002+07:00

Relationship in couples takes a lot of effort. Following are some tips to remember in making your relationship work with your couple.

1. Quality time

If you want to make a difference in your relationship, make time for you love one. The quality and exclusivity of it will really make it count, not just about how much time is spent together. Go with the flow and the mood of the day, you may surprise yourselves.

2. Compromise

To any couple, a healthy dose of give and take is a good recipe. Getting it right takes time and practice. Used as ai integral building block in a healthy relationship, it can give a couple balance and a sense of security.

3. Dependence and Independence

Maintaining a sense of individuality without disregarding a partner is always a good idea. It’s socially unattractive to become something of an appendage to a partner. Accepting your own and your partner’s shortcomings can be difficult but putting in the effort will, no doubt, make a significant difference.

Many thrive on the feeling of being needed. The trick is not to become needy and clingy. Having a clear idea about who you are, goals and ambitions are all important factors that not only draw a couple together, but can also help to maintain interest.

4. Communication

No good can come out of unspoken resentments or discomfort. Open communication can help to eliminate the build up of discontentment that often finds its way into sparking fights and rifts. “The only way out is through” at the end of the day.

5. Money

Borrowing, lending, over-indulging and impulse buying. Often a thorn in the side of many a couple, finances are high on the list causing conflict. Whether joint or independent from one another, finances should be addressed early on, particularly where the interests of both parties are concerned.

6. Acceptance and Forgiveness

Some things about a person are inherently part of their make-up. They simply won’t change. If they’re bad enough, it’s possibly a good idea to give the relationship the boot. Not everything is worth living unhappily with. Some little annoyances or character traits that are not so desirable in a partner cannot and should not be changed. Forcing a hand will only cause damage. Forgiveness, too, can be liberating in a relationship. Where possible, it can truly change the level of respect each has for one another.

7. Growing Pains

It’s only natural for each phase of a person’s life to develop and change. Most of all, it’s meant to be. This is where communication and open observance play a huge role. Making an effort to continuously get to know 1 another every so often can help couples to remain in tune with each other, growing as individuals and together.

8. Surprise!

Getting creative from time to time can not only be fun but also help to strengthen a special bond with a partner. Surprise him / her with thoughtful gifts, messages or quality time together. It’ll give the redundancy of routine a much-needed facelift.

9. Affection

A showing of affection can provide great assurance to a couple, strengthening the bond between them. It’s a process of discovery and it is important to remember this is personal to every individual.

10. Praise

Showing interest and expressing praise every so often can do wonders for the strengthening of a bond between couples too. Celebrate each other’s achievements whether great or small. These shows of support will invariably bring the 2 of you closer together.

In Conclusion

Many will offer advice and all sorts of ideas, even when not having been asked to provide it. The tried and true way to maintain any healthy relationship is to focus on the one at hand and experience it. Experiences differ and each will tell a slightly different version. Learn, respect and embrace each experience, and who knows, relationships could very well prove to go the distance.

Leaving Him Breathless: What Men Like in Oral Sex

2009-05-25T19:39:00.001+07:00

Oral sex is exactly that — using your mouth, including your lips, tongue, and teeth, to give your partner sexual satisfaction.

Not too long ago, many people considered oral sex a perversion, while today more and more people are engaging in oral sex. Many young people even consider it an intermediary step to sex, rather than the real thing.

Oral sex performed on a man is called fellatio. (It doesn’t matter whether a man or woman is performing this act on the man.) This licking and sucking of a man’s penis can be used as a precursor to intercourse (to arouse a man so he gets an erection), or it can continue until he has an orgasm.

Though a common word for an erection is a hard-on, and certainly an erect penis is harder than a flaccid one, you must remember that a penis is not actually hard, but is made of flesh and blood, and so it can be damaged. If a penis is handled too roughly, the man could develop what is called Peyronie’s disease, which means that a kink may develop, or even several kinks. So anyone performing fellatio has a duty to be relatively gentle.

Not sure what to do? Try this basic approach and improvise as needed (I suggest a few fun techniques to try along the way):

1. Both partners should be in comfortable positions.

You may have seen pictures of a woman on her knees while the man stands above her, and this position has its advantages, as I explain below. But if a woman is uncomfortable in this position and this is a way of the man proving his domination, then that’s not a good idea. However if she’s kneeling on a pillow, this position can work comfortably for both partners.

2. The partner giving oral sex starts by gently fondling the man’s penis with his or her hands.

Some men will have an erection just from the expectation of receiving oral sex, while others, particularly older men, use oral sex as a means of obtaining an erection. In the latter cases, oral sex may be thought of as foreplay to intercourse.

3. After the man starts to get an erection, lick the penis or place it in your mouth.

While the tongue is certainly an important part of the process, you can lightly nibble the penis with your teeth, give light kisses with your lips, or suck the penis with your mouth. But please, no biting.

The movie Deep Throat put pressure on partners to swallow the man’s entire penis while not gagging. Of course in the movie, the penis was particularly large, but real life is not the movies, and no one should feel pressured into trying to copy what they see on-screen. Because the most sensitive part of a man’s penis is the head of the penis, deep throating his penis isn’t going to give him much more pleasure and is really more an act of humiliation than anything else. I’m not saying that couples shouldn’t do this if both partners are willing to try, but one’s abilities to perform fellatio don’t depend on being able to perform circus tricks.

4. Stimulate the underside of the head of the penis, the place where he has the most sensitivity.

If you’re facing the man, as you are when on your knees while he is standing, then your tongue will be in the right place to do this. If you’re upside down, such as in the 69 position, you may want to use your fingers to add arousal to that area.

5. Continue using your hands to touch the penis, stroke the shaft, and gently fondle the testicles.

Don’t be reserved about exploring beyond the head of the penis while performing oral sex. These touches are not only permitted but encouraged.

Be careful when it comes to his testicles because they are sensitive. Too much pressure causes him pain, which puts a quick end to these activities. If the man enjoys it, you can also insert a finger into his rectum.

6. If oral sex is not being used as foreplay, the man is going to ejaculate as a result of oral sex.

There’s no harm if he ejaculates in your mouth, but it’s also not necessary. If you don’t want that to happen, the man should tell you that he is about to ejaculate and you can use your hands to help him reach his climax.

Communication is key to doing a good job, as it is with any sexual position. You can’t guess what feels best to your partner. You have to ask him, and he has to be able to articulate his needs.

If you’re not ready to perform oral sex on your partner yet, but you think it’s something that you want to try, you can simulate the real thing by practicing on an ice cream cone. By licking the ice cream sensuously you’ll develop a good understanding of what you should do when the flavor goes from vanilla to male appendage.

What Women Like in Oral Sex

2009-05-21T08:44:00.002+07:00

Oral sex performed on a woman is called cunnilingus, though not by many people cause the average person prefers terms that are easier to pronounce. Like fellatio, oral sex can be done as part of foreplay, or it can be done to bring a woman to climax. If you use oral sex as foreplay, both partners must be in synch with regards to where the woman is on the orgasmic scale. The woman has to let her partner know when she is very close to having an orgasm. When she gives him the signal, he should stop oral sex and begin intercourse.

As I’ve said, women require direct stimulation to their clitoris to have an orgasm, and the tongue and lips offer an excellent means of doing just that, better than fingers, which can be rough. In fact, some women can only have an orgasm from oral sex. Here’s what to do:

1. Both partners should be in a comfortable position.

Many women are most comfortable lying on their backs with their partner kneeling or lying in between their legs so he can easily put his head between her thighs.

2. The partner giving oral sex should begin by rubbing the woman’s legs, thighs, and vulva with his or her hands.

These caresses tell your partner’s body that some really amazing stuff is about to happen, so she should begin getting aroused. As a result of her excitement, she should start producing lubricant, which helps prevent irritation to the delicate clitoris and vagina. But your saliva is also a lubricant.

3. Spread the lips of the vulva and find the clitoris. Gently begin licking.

The tongue can be used in many different ways, from short rapid thrusts to long, slow licks. The tongue can be thrust into the vagina as well as used all around its edge.

Although the human tongue is nowhere as rough as a cat’s, after a few minutes of performing oral sex, your tongue may become dry and will seem much rougher to the very sensitive clitoris. When performing oral sex, make sure that your tongue is well coated with saliva.

Between the saliva and a woman’s natural lubrication, which should be flowing if she’s very aroused, quite a puddle can form under her after a long session of oral sex. Rather than worry about it, I suggest placing a towel underneath her.

4. Try sucking the area around the clitoris or some light nibbling (but teeth shouldn’t play a large role in performing oral sex on a woman).A sudden puff of air may be pleasurable, too.

The seat of a woman’s orgasm is her clitoris, but the clitoris can sometimes become overstimulated so that a woman won’t want it to be touched directly. You need to be mindful of that if she complains, and either lessen the strength of the stimulation or stop any direct simulation altogether.

5. Ask her what she likes.

Perhaps even more so than with men, communication is the key to doing,a good job at oral sex on a woman. A woman’s ability to orgasm is more delicate than a man’s, and she may require very specific types of stimulation in order to have an orgasm. So you have to pay careful attention to her directions, which may be verbalized, with commands such as “harder” or “softer,” or done by moving your head to a certain part of her anatomy.

6. Take a short break if your mouth and tongue become tired.

Try using your nose as a stimulator while the other muscles get a chance to relax. Or reach up and stimulate her breasts for a little while. Many women enjoy having a finger or two inserted into their vagina during oral sex, but some may find it too distracting. The same is true with anal stimulation.

7. Adjust your stimulation as she approaches orgasm.

Some women, as they’re near orgasm, find that their clitoris becomes extra sensitive. You may assume that more stimulation should be pro- vided to her clitoris as she reaches this point, but sometimes just the opposite is true, and only the area around the clitoris should be licked. Make sure that you don’t get so lost in the heat of the moment that you stop communicating.

You may have heard rumors about the danger of blowing into the vagina during oral sex. This danger only comes into play if the woman is very pregnant. When everything is distended down there, it becomes technically possible to blow an air bubble through the wall of a vein or artery that has been stretched superthin, which could be deadly. I don’t know whether this has ever happened, but some doctors warn pregnant women about this, and so I’m passing it on, mostly so that all of you performing oral sex on nonpregnant women don’t have to worry about it.

A man will usually have an erection when he begins giving oral sex to a woman, but if the process stretches out a bit, there’s a good chance that he will lose his erection. That’s only natural because he’s concentrating on her pleasure, not his. Some men, who worry that an lost erection won’t return, may want to engage in intercourse the moment they feel their penis start to soften. But if the man hasn’t ejaculated, in most cases with a few tender ministrations from his partner later on, his erection should come back, so men don’t need to react to a shrinking penis.

Dealing with Some Delicate Details

If even after reading everything in this article, you’re still hesitant about trying oral sex, I can guess why. I address some common concerns in the following sections.

Tidying up down there

More people might engage in oral sex if the organs involved weren’t also the organs from which people urinate. Some people don’t give that fact a second thought and dive right in, so to speak, while others think about this dual role and that gives them the heebie-jeebies, even though urine is actually more germ free than saliva.

My advice to people who worry about cleanliness is to begin oral sex in the bathroom. Oral sex doesn’t have to begin there, but a thorough cleaning ofthe genitals should take place. I’ve found, in advising patients, that many who object to oral sex discover that their objection goes down the drain after they’ve thoroughly washed the potentially offending sex organ. The above advice may be particularly important when the man hasn’t been circumcised. A buildup under the foreskin, called smegma, can develop, which definitely isn’t sexy. All uncircumcised men need to be careful when cleaning their penis to make sure that they do a good job under the foreskin, but this attention to cleanliness is especially important to any man expecting his partner to give him oral sex. (Women should also clean under their clitoral hood because a smegma-like substance can also collect there.)

Whether it’s because women are having more oral sex or because women are just wearing smaller and smaller bikinis, it’s become more common for women to shave or wax their pubic hair. Most men who perform oral sex on their partner probably appreciate this.

Of course, men with beards or mustaches may cause the sensitive area around a woman’s genitals to become chafed while performing oral sex. Any man with facial hair, or even just stubble, should be careful not to hurt his partner.

To swallow or not to swallow

Some women are concerned about getting the ejaculate in their mouth. Now, a few drops of Cowper’s fluid will be secreted at the head of the erect male penis, but most women worry about the actual quantity of ejaculate that is propelled from the penis upon orgasm. Nothing in a man’s ejaculate is harmful (assuming that he is disease free), and to anyone who complains about the calories, I say “Enough!” But you don’t need an excuse to want to avoid this.

If you really want to avoid coming in contact with ejaculate, try the following:

Ask your partner to let you know when he is close to having his orgasm. This is the best way to avoid the ejaculate. When he lets you know his orgasm is imminent, you can move your mouth out of range while continuing to help him climax with your hands and fingers.

Watch for the signs of impending orgasm. A man’s erection strengthens when he is near orgasm and his scrotum will tighten up, pushing his testicles up against his body. When you notice this, duck out of the way. Keep a towel or tissue close by. If your partner does ejaculate into your mouth, you can easily spit it out without swallowing it.

Many people ask me whether they can do anything to change the taste of their or their partner’s semen. Although anecdotal evidence indicates that what you eat plays a part in what your ejaculate tastes like, I haven’t seen any scientific research that proves that. On the other hand, nothing is stopping you from doing your own research. Not only might it be educational, but it could also be a lot of fun. If a partner really objects to the taste but wants to proceed, I suggest having a breath mint handy so she can quickly change the taste in her mouth.

The porn industry has introduced a new facet to oral sex: the facial, where the man ejaculates onto his partner’s face. In my opinion, this is humiliating and not sexy. Each individual must set his or her limits, but I wouldn’t want the average person contemplating oral sex to think that a facial is a necessary part of the act.

But I’m having my period

Most men avoid performing oral sex on a woman who is menstruating, but the fact is that nothing dangerous is present in menstrual blood (unless she has an STD). If you and your partner want to engage in oral sex at that time of the month, you have no reason not to go ahead (pun intended!).

Avoiding lockjaw, lip languor, tongue tiredness

Oral sex may be becoming part of the norm, but it’s still not entirely a “normal” activity because the mouth must engage in vigorous movements for a length of time that it’s not often called on to do. In other words, oral sex can be tiring.

Most men don’t require extended oral sex, though some do, especially as they get older. But some women require extended stimulation in order to have an orgasm. Although they can’t do anything about that, women must not lose focus of their partner’s well-being. Their partner will need a break after a while because lengthy tongue and lip action can become uncomfortable, if not painful. I understand that a woman who is close to having an orgasm won’t want to stop receiving stimulation, so she may want to give her partner a break before she reaches that point. The couple should talk about her needs and how to best arrive at the destination they both seek.

Simplifying sexual slang

Because I’m always telling you not to be boring, I thought I’d help you out by including some other phrases you can use when talking about the activities described in this article.

Cunnilingus: canyon yodeling, carpet munching, dining at the Y, eating hair pie, egg McMuff, going down, going way down south in Dixie, making mouth music, muff diving, scarfing down, sipping at the fuzzy cup, sitting on one’s face.

Fellatio: blowing, deep throating, frenching, getting a facial, giving head, giving lip service, hoovering, putting lipstick on one’s dipstick, señoreata, soiling one’s knees, sucking off, talking into the mike, worshipping at the altar.

Assuming the Position in Oral Sex

2009-05-20T09:02:00.004+07:00

I haven’t given you many specifics about the positions that you can use for oral sex. Certainly there is no right or wrong position. One partner can be seated or standing and the other on his or her knees, or the recipient can lie on his back while his or her partner leans in over the genitals. Just choose whatever is most comfortable. If the woman kneels down and straddles her partner’s head while he is lying on his back, she will gain some control over how much stimulation she is getting because this position allows her to pull back or push forward. To make sure that her partner doesn’t have to strain his neck, he should place as many pillows as necessary under his head until he can reach her clitoris without straining.

Although you’re free to name any position you may use during oral sex, one position already has a name of its own — 69, which refers to partners performing and receiving oral sex at the same time. The name comes from the shape of the two bodies as they lie on top of and upside down to one another.

It really doesn’t matter which partner is on top, but the man usually gets on his hands and knees because he is likely to have to strain his neck more if he is on the bottom. (Although, as I said above, a pillow under his head can help.) The 69 position may be most comfortable for both partners if done while lying on their sides.

Oral sex, especially fellatio, offers a couple the opportunity to give orgasms without removing any clothing. All a man has to do is stick his penis outside of his zipper and his partner can perform oral sex. This allows couples to perform a sexual act in places not normally thought of as appropriate, such as hallways and park benches. Although I know this goes on, I urge you to exercise some caution. You may think that no one can see you and be very, very wrong. So if you give in to this temptation, do it cautiously.

And although I know the thought of giving a man an orgasm while driving in a car may be tempting, please don’t ever do anything as distracting as that while in a moving vehicle.

Addressing the Safety Issue
Many people have the erroneous notion that oral sex is completely safe because no one ever became pregnant through oral sex. But oral sex is not entirely safe when it comes to sexually transmitted diseases, although oral sex is safer than intercourse or anal sex in terms of transmitting germs and viruses. I offer more information on STDs, but here I want you to know that diseases can be transmitted orally. With more and more people engaging in oral sex, the transmission of disease through oral sex is rising, so much so that now doctors are finding cases of genital herpes that were caused by the virus for oral herpes, something that had not been noted before.

A partner performing fellatio can protect herself or himself by making sure that a condom is placed on her or his partner’s penis. But when performing oral sex on a woman, preventing the transmission of disease is much more difficult. Some people recommend using dental dams, which are small squares of latex, or a sheet of plastic wrap held over the woman’s vagina during oral sex. But the odds of keeping the dental dam in place, so no bodily fluids are exchanged during passionate sex, seem pretty remote. And plastic wrap, which is so thin, seems likely to break, although some brands are stronger than others. Very thin underwear (you can even get an edible variety that comes in flavors) can also act as a barrier.

Although it’s tempting to say that using either dental dam or plastic wrap is better than nothing, I think that would be an error. If you think you’re protected when you’re not, you’re much more likely to do something that you shouldn’t. So the only way to make sure that you won’t get a disease when performing cunnilingus is to only do it with a partner who has been tested for STDs (and given a negative result). I could add “or who is a virgin,” except that so many teens who consider themselves virgins have had oral sex and may have already gotten an STD. Virginity these days is not necessarily a form of protection.

Skin Care Tips: Natural Skin care 4 Natural Hair Loss Remedy

2009-04-29T21:15:00.007+07:00

There are many products on the market that claim to help regrow hair but for one reason or another, you may not want to deal with having to take pills or deal with surgical treatments. Natural hair loss treatments may be the answer you are looking for. Going with natural treatments doesn't have the risks that can be involved with pills or surgery.

Eating a healthy diet is one natural treatment that can be used right away. Certain vitamins and minerals actually help to promote healthy hair growth such as B-vitamins, iron, Vitamin E, zinc, and many more. You can get your daily recommended allowance from healthy foods (fruits, vegetables, lean meats) as well as a multivitamin supplement.

Herbal remedies and nutritional supplements are also an option for natural hair loss treatments. Flaxseed oil is known to improve hair texture and keep hair from drying out. Folic acid and silica may help to maintain the thickness and color of hair.Essential oils are also known to help prevent hair loss and actually regrow hair. Essential oils of thyme, rosemary, lavendar, cedarwood, and jojoba oil are some examples that can be combined and applied to the scalp. The oils are massaged into the scalp for 3 to 5 minutes. They should not be consumed but only used externally.

Traditional Chinese medicine is another option. You can visit a Chinese medicine shop and inquire about hair tonics or other tonics that may help with hair growth.As you can see, you have several options for natural hair loss treatments. They are relatively safe to try and can be done right away to prevent anymore hair loss and increase hair growth.Hair loss can occur in men and women for any reason and at any time. Most of the time there is no way to figure out what is exactly causing hair loss. Many times it is hereditary or caused by an unhealthy lifestyle. Whatever the reason, there are ways to prevent hair loss and get your hair growing again.
The following tips will provide some simple tips that you can begin using to help prevent further hair loss and promote healthy hair growth once a gain. The best part is you can implement these tips right away.

Get Your Vitamins - It's crucial to maintain a healthy lifestyle but most of all, it's important to get your daily recommended allowance of vitamins and minerals.

Avoid Harsh Chemicals - While you may be tempted to color your hair or use chemicals to curl or straighten it, try to avoid it as much as possible. Harsh chemicals damage hair and cause breakage.

Avoid Heating Tools - Hair dryers, curling irons, flat irons, and hot combs can all cause hair breakage from overheating the hair. Try not to use these tools much if at all.

Exercise Regularly - Exercise stimulates circulation which in turn stimulates your scalp. Scalp stimulation can help promote hair growth.

Avoid Stress - Stress can play a role in hair loss among other health problems so it's important to avoid it as much as possible.

You can prevent hair loss and promote hair growth by keeping the tips above in mind and by maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

If you have found the loss of your hair to be something you just can't seem to control, then you may want to consider how to stop hair loss naturally.

It can be one of the most rewarding things you can do for your hair, as many hair loss products on the market often are way too expensive and lead to side effects. No one wants to have to pay a ton of money or risk their health right?

So one of the things that I've found that must be done in order to see added hair growth naturally is by attacking one of the main root causes of thinning hair. This root cause is due to a hormone called dihydrotestosterone , or DHT for short.

DHT comes about from a loss of estrogen in women and a loss of testosterone in men. It will bind to your hair follicle cells and eventually weaken them till they no longer are able to produce more hair for you. Instead of relying on those products that you know are a waste of time and money, one way to reduce DHT in the scalp is by taking herbs.

Two great ones that have been found to reduce DHT and treat hair loss are saw palmetto and green tea. Drinking four cups of green tea daily has scientifically been proven to cut DHT in the body.

Saw palmetto when taken as part of your daily supplement routine produces some amazing effects in blocking the formation of this hormone. Both herbs provide a very fast solution to those who are losing their hair.

There's a dirty little hidden secret that 90% of those losing hair have no idea exists.

Osteoporosis

2009-04-28T06:57:00.002+07:00

What is it?

Osteoporosis means ‘porous bones’. Inside the thick outer shell, bones are like a honeycomb. Osteoporosis occurs when the holes in the honeycomb get too big and bones can break.

What are the symptoms?

A broken bone after a minor bump or fall is the most obvious sign of osteoporosis. Other warning signs include height loss and curvature of the spine.

What's the risk?

It can effect people of all ages but although it’s not an inevitable result of ageing, it does become more common as you get older and affects 1 in 5 men over 50.

What causes it?

Genetic factors are very important – some 80% of the risk is hereditary.

It may be a side-effect of another disease such as hyperthyroidism (an over-active thyroid gland), hyperparathyroidism (too much of the parathyroid hormone) or coeliac disease or Crohn’s disease or other medical conditions which affect the absorption of nutrients from food.

Other factors include low levels of testosterone, drug side-effects (particularly from corticosteroids) and alcohol.

How can I prevent it?

- Keeping up calcium intake in the diet (best done through a balanced diet that includes low-fat milk, cheese and yoghurt, leafy green veg, fish bones and dried fruit which are all good sources of calcium rather than supplements)

- Keeping up vitamin D levels – vitamin D helps the body absorb calcium and is most easily found in the natural sunlight (but don’t get sun-burned),

- Avoiding smoking

- Taking plenty of exercise – bone is living tissue and needs weight-bearing exercise to maintain its strength. This doesn’t mean you need to lift weights – your own body weight will do so walk. jog, dance etc. Check out our online gym.

Should I see a doctor?

If you have any of the symptoms, risk conditions or a family history, it is worth seeing your GP.

What are the main treatments?

The main treatment are drugs called bisphosphonates, one of which (alendronate) is licensed for men. Calcitonin, which comes as a nasal spray or an injection, may also be prescribed for pain relief.

Testosterone replacement therapy is possible for men in which low testosterone levels are the cause of their osteoporosis.

Supplements of calcium and vitamin D might also be recommended if you have diagnosis of osteoporosis

Who else can help?

National Osteoporosis Society

Camerton, Bath BA2 0PJ

tel: 01761 471771

fax: 01761 471104

helpline: 0845 450 0230 (Monday to Friday 10am to 3pm)

website: www.nos.org.uk

e-mail: info@nos.org.uk

Hair Loss

2009-04-25T12:29:00.004+07:00

Most men don't need to be told – it's the loss of hair resulting in decreasing coverage of the scalp.

What are the main symptoms?

Male pattern baldness (also known as genetic hair loss or alopecia androgenetica) is the most common form of hair loss in men. It usually develops very gradually, typically involving the appearance of a bald spot on the crown of the scalp accompanied by thinning at the temples. Although this problem can strike any man at any time, many first become aware of it as they approach their thirties.

What's the risk?

· Two-thirds of all men will eventually be affected by male pattern baldness – in the UK, this means that 7.4 million men are losing their hair at any one time.

· There are racial differences, however, in the incidence of male pattern baldness. The highest rates are found among Caucasians, followed by Afro-Caribbeans. Chinese and Japanese men have the lowest rates. For some unknown reason, this form of hair loss is does not occur among Native Americans.

· Male pattern baldness runs in the family. If your grandfather, father or brothers went bald early, the chances are that you will too. The strongest influence is on the mother's side: if your maternal grandfather went bald, that's probably a better indicator that you will too than if your father's father lost his hair.

What causes it?

There is only a tiny grain of truth in the myth that bald men are more virile because they have more of the male sex hormone testosterone.

This idea probably grew from the observation that eunuchs never became bald and, having being castrated, they didn't, of course, produce very much testosterone.

Yes, testosterone is involved in male pattern baldness, but its relationship with hair loss is complicated and not completely understood. Testosterone is naturally converted in the body to a related sex hormone, dihydrotestosterone (DHT). This stimulates the growth of facial and body hair, as well as acting on the prostate gland. There is good evidence that male pattern baldness results from an over-sensitivity of scalp hair follicles to DHT, rather than raised levels of either sex hormone in the blood.

How can I prevent it?

You cannot prevent male pattern baldness, although there may be ways of slowing down the process or disguising the problem.

Should I see a doctor?

· To get advice and treatment for hair loss, you should always start with either your GP or a professionally qualified trichologist.

· Until very recently, male pattern balding was seen as a natural process and you may find your doctor to be neither sympathetic nor helpful if you consult him/her about it. But things may be changing. An increasing number of doctors realise that hair loss can have psychological consequences that significantly diminish quality of life, especially for younger men, and they may be more willing to take the problem seriously.

If you are lucky enough to have an enlightened GP, by all means seek their advice – at the very least, you'll get a referral to a reliable trichologist (although you'll probably have to pay for any treatment you receive).

A trichologist, by the way, is a hair specialist whose training covers both the cosmetic and the medical aspects of the subject. Some trichologists are also trained hairdressers, but they are not usually medically qualified. The Institute of Trichologists keeps a register of properly qualified people: look for the letters AIT (Associate), MIT (Member) or FIT (Fellow) after their name.

Other types of hair loss, such as alopecia areata, are taken seriously as medical conditions and you should seek your GP's advice as you would for any other medical problem.

What are the main treatments?

There is no cure for male pattern baldness, but there are both drug and surgical treatments available which may lead to some improvements.

Minoxidil (sold as Regaine)

· This is the only topical treatment (one that you rub into the skin) which is actually licensed for the treatment of male pattern baldness in the UK. It was originally developed (in tablet form) as a drug for high blood pressure. Doctors noticed that people on minoxidil sometimes grew new hair, so the drug was reformulated for this purpose.

· Regaine comes as 2% or 5% lotions which you rub, daily, into your scalp. It is best to start with the 2% lotion and after three months, if you have not seen significant growth of hair, upgrade to the 5% lotion. In the UK, Reagine is a Pharmacy Only medicine, which means you can obtain it from a pharmacy without a prescription, but only when a pharmacist is on the premises. The pharmacist should check that Regaine is appropriate for you before selling it (for instance, you shouldn't use it without medical supervision if you have high blood pressure).

· Regaine cannot work miracles. About one-third of men using it get good hair growth on the bald patches, one-third get a fine, downy regrowth, while the rest will get little or no response. The majority of men using it find that at least they don't lose much more hair – but as soon as you stop using it, hair loss resumes its course.

· Expect to wait up to four months before you get any response from Regaine (be patient), but if nothing happens after, say, a year, you may as well give it up. Incidentally, never pay large sums of money to a private trichologist or over the internet for Regaine – the usual price is around £30 for a month's supply.

Finesteride (marketed as Propecia)

· This is a treatment for male pattern baldness which is licenced in the UK but only on private prescription, not on the NHS. It is one of a class of drugs called 5-alpha-reductase inhibitors. Since 5-alpha-reductase is the enzyme which causes the conversion of testosterone into DHT, inhibiting this with finesteride should, in theory, stop hair loss. In fact, finesteride was originally developed for the treatment of benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH), a condition in which the prostate gland becomes enlarged through the action of DHT.

· Although there have been no clinical studies directly comparing low dose finesteride and Regaine, the data suggests that the two products may be similarly effective as a treatment for hair loss. Finesteride can lead to side effects in up to 2% of users such as impotence, reduced sex drive and reduced semen volume. (These side-effects are reversible when the treatment stops.)

· Propecia can be obtained from your GP or dermatologist on private prescription.

Anti-androgen therapy

· Another way of tackling male pattern baldness is to directly block the action of DHT using a variety of hormonal drugs. Some of these are similar to oral contraceptives and female hormone replacement therapy. They should only be applied under the supervision of an endocrinologist (hormone specialist) or a dermatologist with expertise in hormone therapy.

Hair transplant surgery

· Surgery offers the possibility of a longer-term solution to your hair loss problem. But it doesn't come cheap and it can be hard to find a skilled and reputable surgeon. Put simply, hair surgery involves rearranging your scalp skin so as to minimise the bald areas and maximise those where hair is still growing.

· In the UK most hair surgeons use grafts, which involves transferring skin from the hair-bearing area at the back of the head to the bald parts at the front. Hair grafts work because the section of skin transferred retains its own characteristics (i.e. hair grows) rather than acquiring those of the place it is transferred to (where hair does not grow).

· The most natural results come from transferring plugs of skin bearing 3–6 hairs (minigrafts) or just one hair (micrografts). The surgeon makes tiny slits or pinholes in the recipient area into which the plugs are inserted. A new hairline can be built up by using rows of micrografts at the front and minigrafts a few rows further back.

· When considering surgery, you must remember that your hair loss could well continue around the reconstructed areas. This may look unsightly unless you're prepared to invest in further surgery in a few years time.

· Hair surgery usually involves considerable financial investment and you are also involving yourself in a medical procedure. So choose your surgeon carefully, preferably via personal recommendation or through the Institute of Trichologists. He or she should carry one or more of the following qualifications:

1. FRCS (Fellow of the Royal College of Surgeons)

2. BAAPS (British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons)

3. BACS (British Association of Cosmetic Surgeons)

Remember, a good hair surgeon probably doesn't need to advertise.

Other treatments

As far as other treatments are concerned, be very wary. There are many bogus operators out there who are only too keen to exploit people with hair loss.

How can I help myself?

Making changes in your hair care routine and overall lifestyle may help minimise the appearance of hair loss.

· Treat your remaining hair with a bit more respect. Most people are too rough with their hair. It's better to use a comb, not a brush, and to avoid tightly fitting caps or hats. Hair is more fragile when it's wet, so handle it with care.

· Some shampoos and other hair cosmetics can make your hair look thicker and fuller. Ask your hairdresser for advice.

· Short hair minimises the contrast between balding and non-balding areas. Long hair has the reverse effect and is very ageing. It shouldn't need saying, but combing hair over a bald spot is not a good idea.

· Include sufficient protein in your diet, especially if you are vegan or vegetarian (hair loss sometimes starts when people give up meat). Ensure that you do not become anaemic by eating plenty of iron-rich foods like liver, eggs and green vegetables.

What's the outlook?

There's no cure for male pattern baldness, although other forms of male hair loss are often reversible.

Exploring the Mythology of Masturbation

2009-04-25T12:12:00.001+07:00

For any of you who haven’t heard the myth about hairy palms, let me explain. People have long frowned upon masturbation (stimulating your genitals until you have an orgasm), and in ancient times viable reasons existed for this attitude, besides the fact that no one had yet invented Vaseline.

If people, particularly men, masturbated, then they wouldn’t have sex with women as often. And, in the early days of mankind, when infant mortality was high and life expectancy low, making babies was important for the survival of the species.

The elders of the tribes disapproved of masturbation because they believed that each man was born with only a certain amount of sperm, and if he wasted that sperm masturbating, he’d have none left to impregnate a woman. (I wonder what their attitude would have been if they’d knownthat a man can make 50,000 sperm a minute. Let the good times roll?)

The story of Onan

The early Jews certainly were against the spilling of seed (an old-fashioned term for mas- turbating). You can read about their concern in the story of Onan in Genesis in the Bible, out of which came the word onanism as a synonym for masturbation. Actually, Biblical scholars now believe that, rather than masturbating, Onan practiced coitus interruptus (withdrawing before ejaculation) so he wouldn’t impregnate his brother’s widow, as customs and religious law dictate he do. If Onan had known what everyone who’s reading this book knows about the sperm in pre-ejaculatory fluid, he would have stuck to the original version and masturbated instead.

Over the years, society never completely lifted this ban on masturbation. During the Victorian era in England, for example, the crusade against masturbation grew to a fever pitch; the list of ills that people claimed masturbation caused included insanity, epilepsy, headaches, nosebleeds, asthma, heart murmurs, rashes, and odors.

Worse than the supposed symptoms of the Victorian era were the methods that parents used to try to curb their children’s masturbatory activities. These included restraints of all kinds and medical procedures such as circumcision, castration (removal of the testes), and clitoridectomy (removal of the clitoris) — a terrible practice that is still widely used throughout Africa and performed on millions of women, not only to curb masturbation, but all sexual pleasure.

But, whether cultural or religious beliefs caused the ban on masturbation, the elders knew (from their own experience, no doubt) that young boys and girls don’t always listen to their elders (surprise, surprise). Therefore, they invented some myths about masturbation that would have the persuasive powers that laws wouldn’t.

Many of the myths against what people labeled “self-abuse” were based on the notion that the consequences of masturbating included a physical signthat revealed to the world that the individual was a masturbator. This threat of public exposure was supposed to coerce potential “self-abusers” to keep their hands away from their genitals. Among these scare tactics was the mythof the hairy palm, but, because the possibility of having to comb your palm every morning wasn’t always scary enough, the elders also threw in things such as going blind or insane.

Neither the bans nor the myths have stopped in the new millennium. Many religions forbid masturbation, and the ad agency for an acne treatment got into the picture and suggested that masturbation causes pimples. (“Oh no, a zit, now everyone at school will know why I close the door in my room!”) All these myths are, of course, nonsense.

Avoiding Too Much of a Good Thing

Okay, so how much masturbation is too much? People often ask me that question, but I can’t answer it directly. You see, you really have to turn this question around to get the right answer. In other words, if you live a satisfying life, if you have friends, do well at work or in school, are in a loving partnership with someone, and you’re both satisfied with your sex life together, then how often you masturbate really doesn’t matter. On the other hand, if you’re lonely and out of sorts, and you rely on masturbation to make yourself feel better instead of going about the business of making your life work the way you want it to, then you may be masturbating too much, no matter how rarely you actually do masturbate.

Masturbation is a good form of sexual release, but sometimes you need that sexual tension to get you going, to give you the incentive to find a partner, seek out new friends, look for a new job, or whatever. So, if you need to get your life in order and do masturbate a lot, I suggest you cut down. You don’t have to stop altogether, but if you can reduce the number of times you do it, you may find that you can begin to add some other positive aspects to your life.

What you’re looking for is a happy medium. If you’re single and actively seeking a partner, then masturbating to keep yourself from feeling sexually frustrated is fine. Just don’t do it so much that you wind up being more attached to your genitals than to the world outside. And, of course, masturbation is a lot safer than a one-night stand in terms of protecting you from catching a sexually transmitted disease.

If your partner is satisfied with your sex life, and you would like more orgasms than the two of you have together, then masturbating when themood strikes you is okay. But make an effort to see if your partner would be willing to engage in sex with you more often. Don’t be lazy and rely on masturbation to satisfy all your sexual needs because a sexless relationship is not fulfilling and will likely not last very long.

Masturbation Education

2009-04-25T11:57:00.002+07:00

Although I’m sure that most of you already know how to masturbate, I don’t want it said that I left out such a basic part of good sexual functioning, so here are some different methods.

Before I get into specifics, let me say loud and clear that the best tip that I can give you is to do what feels best to you. There’s no right way or wrong way. You can use your left hand or your right hand or both hands. Whatever turns you on, as the saying goes . . . and those words can’t be more appropriate than in the case of masturbation.

For men: Do-it-yourself techniques
A common word for masturbation is a hand job, and the hand is certainly the most popular instrument used by men for masturbation. What are the alternatives, you ask?

Some boys masturbate by rubbing up against the bedsheets. Some men masturbate by putting their penises inside of a specially made, life-size rubber doll. Sex shops also sell devices that simulate a vagina. Many, though not all, of these devices look like a vagina, and the man can add lubrication to make the rubber feel more like one too. I don’t know how popular these alternatives are, although my guess is that the vast majority of men rely on their own two hands.

Some men put a lubricant, such as Astroglide, either in their hand or on the shaft of their penis. Some men prefer to masturbate lying down, others standing up, and others don’t care what position they’re in. Most men enjoy looking at erotica of some sort while they masturbate, so the only kind of atmosphere they require is enough light to see the foldout properly.

Younger men sometimes practice group masturbation, nicknamed a circle jerk because the guys involved usually sit in a circle. Although this activity may appear to have homosexual overtones, it really doesn’t for most of the males involved.

Mutual masturbation between two young men is not all that uncommon either; again, it doesn’t mean that either of the participants is gay. Research shows that about 25 percent of heterosexual males engage in such activities in their early teens, while 90 percent of homosexual teens do.

Fantasy: It’s All in Your Head

2009-04-23T15:58:00.002+07:00

Men are definitely stimulated by visual images, which is why 99 percent of the magazines that show naked people are aimed at men. Although women certainly appreciate a good-looking guy, seeing a close-up glimpse of his genitals won’t generally serve as a turn-on. What most women prefer as erotic stimulation is fantasy.

Now men fantasize also, and many men fantasize while masturbating, but the method of choice for men is still visual. Women, on the other hand, usually spend more time masturbating to reach their orgasm, so they can leisurely construct a nice, long fantasy that will get them in the right mood for an orgasm.

Stories to get you started
If fantasies interest you, and you want specific ones, I suggest you buy one of Nancy Friday’s books. She has assembled several collections of women’s and men’s fantasies (My Secret Garden, Women On Top, and so on) that most definitely make for interesting and highly arousing reading.

Although I wouldn’t be upset if you became aroused while reading this book, excitement’s not my main purpose, so I leave the recounting of other people’s fantasies to Nancy Friday and stick to giving you advice — and I do have advice to give you concerning fantasies.

Anything and anyone goes
First of all, no fantasy is wrong. In fantasy, you don’t have to worry about safer sex, what the neighbors may say, or anything else. If you want to make love to Alexander the Great and his whole army, be my guest. If you want to fantasize about Hannibal and his elephants, go ahead. Literally, whatever turns you on is A-OK.

“But Dr.,” people always ask me, “if I fantasize about someone of the same sex, doesn’t that mean that I’m gay?” The answer to that question is no. But it doesn’t mean that you’re not gay either. Now, if you can only have an orgasm while fantasizing about someone of the same sex, even when you’re with a partner of the opposite sex, that’s a different story. But if you occasionally fantasize about someone of the same sex, that doesn’t mean you’re gay.

Sharing your fantasies
Another question people often ask me is, “Should I share my fantasies with my spouse or lover?” The word that comes to mind here is caution. Some partners don’t mind hearing their lovers’ fantasies; some even get aroused by them, but some get very jealous. If you feel the need to talk about your fantasies with your partner, do it very carefully. Here are some tips:

Make the first one very tame. Maybe your favorite fantasy is being a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader caught naked in the locker room with the whole team. That’s fine, but tell your partner that your fantasy is him finding you naked in your office after hours. If he reacts positively, then you can work your way up to telling him your real fantasies down the road.

Use common sense. If your husband is built like Adam Sandler, and you tell him you’re always fantasizing about George Clooney, how do you think that information will make him feel?

Remember the Golden Rule. If you tell your partner about your fantasies, be prepared to hear his or her fantasies back. If you think that you may get jealous, then don’t open that Pandora’s box in the first place.

A fantasy is a fantasy is a fantasy . . .
I’ve run into people who were intent on making their fantasy become a reality, and most of the time that does not work. Obviously, if your fantasy is rather simple, such as being covered in whipped cream and having your partner lick it off, then having your dream come true may be possible. (And yes, the pun was intended.) On the other hand, many fantasies can either get you into trouble (the kind that have to do with making love in public places, for example), or make you very disappointed (your Adam Sandler may wreck his back carrying you over the threshold).

My last piece of advice regarding fantasies holds true for nonsexual fantasies as well as the sexual ones — remember that they’re fantasies. Some people trick themselves into believing that their fantasies are real. If your fantasy lover, for example, is a movie or TV star, that’s great. Plenty of people have fantasies about their favorite stars. But if you’re single and you go so far as to turn down dates because they’re not with that famous movie star, then you’re in big trouble. In your fantasies, you can make love to anyone; in real life, you have to find a partner who wants you. Fantasies are wonderful tools; just be careful how you use them.

Cybersex: Sights for Mature Minds

2009-04-23T15:45:00.004+07:00

Cybersex is the exchange of sexual conversations or images over the Internet. Sometimes it results in masturbation, either in front of erotic images on a computer screen or while communicating with another person in a chat room or on an instant messenger service (IM’ing). Cybersex is not the same as phone sex — where two people who know each other but can’t be together masturbate while on the phone. Cybersex usually involves someone you’ve never met.

Computers as sex objects: Turned on all the time
One of the few areas where investors have actually made money on the Internet is in the business of sex. Sex sites abound online, offering seemingly infinite amounts of hard-core pornography. I have long said that using erotica (literary or artistic works having erotic content) can increase arousal, but the extensive categories of explicit material offered on the Web give even me reason to pause.

Looking at pornography can become addictive, especially when a person sees such vast quantities of material. Imagine what would happen to alcoholics who found a secret passage into the basement of a liquor store. Could they resist going back for more and more? Of course not, and for similar reasons, many men wander into the world of cyberporn and then can’t escape. I hear about some of the married ones because their wives complain to me, but imagine all the single guys out there who turn to their computers for sexual gratification. If you bring home a porno magazine, you can spend only so much time looking atit before you get bored. But if you have literally millions of images available on the Web, then you can spend all of your free time surfing. And with a broad- band connection, you can download full-length, X-rated movies.

Directing your own X-rated show
Not all the sex on the Net has been filmed. You can find sites that offer a live person whom only you can see and talk to. You can tell that person exactly what you want him or her to do and then listen to what he or she says. If you want two people to act out your fantasies, these sites can accommodate you as well. Partaking in this activity costs a lot more than simply watching prerecorded material, but some people find directing a fantasy with real people well worth the cost.

Sites to satisfy every fetish fantasy
The Internet has been a great resource for individuals and couples who have unique sexual interests. The abundance of material offered on the Net canalso help people to discover sexual appetites that they may never have suspected they had. For example, the types of material available on one site fall into categories such as old, ugly, fat, blood, spit, menstrual, medical, zoo, pee, poo, enema, and fart. It doesn’t bother me that you can find the Top 100 sites for foot fetishists — www.footfetishdirectory.com and www.foot zilla.com to name two. After all, the various types of fetishists (I knew about rubber fetishists, but I only found out about balloon fetishists by looking on the Web) can’t help themselves, so why shouldn’t companies cater to them as well? But when material of every possible description is labeled “erotic” and placed on one site, the resulting combination can distort people’s views — especially young people who may never have dreamed that such practices existed. Yet young people are precisely the ones who have the most curiosity about sex and are most likely to go nosing around these sites.

For adult eyes only
Many of the really hard-core sites require an age check, or even a credit card because they charge their users. That limitation doesn’t seem to deter most young men, however, and other sites offer similar material without these checks. Parents need to consider adding whatever software they see fit to keep teens from exploring such hard-core sites. However, if the parents of only one teen on the block don’t add such protection to their computer, you may lose all control over whether or not your child gets a peek at these sites.

While most sites (especially those looking to make money) force you to register in some way, plenty of sites, often called “amateur” sites, don’t require you to do any more than click on the word “Enter.” By doing so you “swear” to be over the age of 21. You don’t have to bring your wallet or even your ID to surf the wildest waves on the Web.

Finding sexually explicit material on the Net
Some of you who’ve never tried turning your computer screen into a virtual swingers’ club may wonder how you go about locating sexually explicit material on the Web. Actually, tumbling down this particular rabbit hole is very simple, though getting back out isn’t always as easy — and not just because the pornography is addictive. These sites often link back to each other so when you open one site, the only other place you can go is another sex-related site. The process is spooky. When you’re caught in one of these whirlpools of naked flesh, the only thing you can do is to shut down your Internet connection. Even then, half a dozen screens showing women performing various sex acts may still be decorating your computer’s desktop. (The data also can inhabit your computer’s memory long after you’ve left these sites. If you don’t want anyone to know what sites you’ve been visiting, at the very least delete the contents of your History folder on your hard drive.)

If you go to any search engine (like Yahoo! or Google) and type in the word “sex” or “porn,” your computer will return screen after screen of links that lead to very graphic images. If you want some guidance in this area, check out www.JanesGuide.com, which rates various erotic sites.

Getting kinky with a keyboard: Chatting online
While the erotic images on the Web mostly target men (even the pictures of naked men are shown for the gay Net surfer), you can find another entire universe aimed at both women and men — chatting. What is chatting?

Basically, chatting or IM’ing (instant messaging) is sitting at your computer and sending messages back and forth to someone in real time, unlike e-mail where you have to wait to get a reply.Just as only a fraction of the Web deals with sex, most chatting or IM’ing goes on between people who know each other and has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. Any teens who have access to a computer spend inordinate amounts of time chatting with their friends about anything and everything. Many lonely people, on the other hand, sit at their computers looking to meet someone “special.” Sometimes they succeed, and sometimes they merely fall prey to someone whose sole purpose is to deceive.

Nameless, faceless: Anonymity online
Because people use nicknames instead of their real identities when chatting, you can easily remain completely anonymous. That anonymity has good points and bad points. Keeping your privacy is good, but the person with whom you’re chatting may turn out to be a serial rapist. Therefore, I advise you to be very, very careful before agreeing to give any personal information to a stranger with whom you chat.

I know that some people have found the man or woman of their dreams on the Web, but someone else’s good fortune doesn’t offer you any protection whatsoever. If you decide to forge ahead and make direct contact with someone you’ve only chatted with online, please take every precaution.

If you want to give out a phone number, give your work number, or maybe a cell phone number, so your home address can’t be traced. (Consider giving your office address when registering a cell phone.)

If you decide to meet, do so in a very public place such as a crowded restaurant or busy bar where you can easily get up and leave. Make sure that a friend or relative knows that you’re going on this date and ask her to call your cell phone while you’re out with the person. Leave your cell phone on during the date, and if you don’t answer when your friend calls you, she should feel free to call the proper authorities.

Protecting yourself from Cyber Sex

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Putting safety first

What really scares me is when I get letters or e-mails from people who say they’re going to meet their cybersex buddy for the first time and they want tips from me about how to make it the greatest sex ever. My reaction is —hold it! You shouldn’t even think about having sex with this person until you actually meet and get to know each other. Even if the person seems to be per- fectly honest and even if you’ve had cybersex, you can’t know a person well enough to have sex with them just from chatting. We discover so much about each other from body language and voice inflection that thinking you can possibly know someone well enough to have sex with them based strictly on an electronic relationship is ludicrous.

If you’ve agreed to meet and have sex, you may have a very hard time saying no if you start to get the wrong signals from that person. For this reason, you should agree only to meet, and to do so only in a public place where you can quickly and safely exit.

Is chatting cheating?
A very common question that I get these days comes from someone whose spouse has developed a relationship with someone on the Web and who wants to know whether their spouse is cheating. As I say throughout this book, I am in favor of a married person masturbating if that person has a stronger desire for sex than their mate does. As long as the couple is having sex, neither party should be ashamed to masturbate if he or she feels the need when their partner either doesn’t want to engage in sexual relations or isn’t around. But that type of masturbation is a solo activity. If you masturbate while chatting with someone in a very sexual way, and the other person does the same, then you aren’t acting alone. I consider such an activity to be cheating. You’re develop- ing a very close relationship with this other person on the computer, using activities that are very personal and should be shared only with your spouse.

Friends first
What if you have developed an online friendship with someone of the opposite sex but don’t engage in cybersex? Is that cheating? I don’t think a clear-cut answer to that question exists. Consider a similar scenario not involving the computer. Say that you have lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex once a week. Is that cheating? Not necessarily. What if the two of you have lunch every single day? Now the ground gets a little shakier. If your relationship with your spouse has some small cracks, and if you find the person with whom you’re lunching sexually attractive, then you may be flirting with danger.

You must apply the same principles to online chatting. If you rush home every evening and can’t wait to log on to the computer to chat with this other person, especially if you’re pouring your heart out to them, then you’re defi- nitely taking time away from your spouse, which verges on cheating. On the other hand, if you find someone online with whom you share a common inter- est, such as a TV show, and you chat every week after watching the latest episode, then I don’t think that you’re cheating.

Only the chatter knows
In reality, only the chatter knows whether he or she is cheating. Say, for example, you are friends with the couple who lives across the street. And say that you have sexual fantasies about the person of the opposite sex in that couple. You know the signs — you purposely cross the street and make excuses to talk to that person one on one whenever you can, or you go over just to be “neighborly.” If you keep everything out in public, that type of relationship can go on for years and nothing sexual may develop from it.

But now put that same relationship inside a computer. Instead of keeping a picket fence between the two of you, you’re communicating in a very private way and may be passing on some very private comments.

Chatting in a private way can build an intimacy that definitely falls under the banner of “cheating.” So, while I have no precise answers, I will say that if you’re honest with yourself, you will know when you’re crossing that line. And you should stop right there and then, unless you don’t intend for your marriage to last forever.

Sex forums: Any topic goes
The big advantage computer sex forums offer is that they’re organized according to subject matter, which means that you can quickly find other people who share your tastes and communicate with them, passing on ideas, places to go, and things to do. Because the Internet is without guidelines, when I say that you can chat about any topic, I mean any topic. Some of the names of these forums should give you a clue as to what you can find: “Pumps, Leather, S&M,” “Water Sports,” “Piercing,” “Dressing for Pleasure,” “Dominance and Submission Only,” “Loop and Lash B&D,” “Zoo Animal Lovers,” “Ten Things Every Lesbian Should Know About Love and Sex,” “Penis Names,” and “Below the Ankles — Feet.” Had enough?

As those names imply, not all chatting is innocent and not everyone wants a long-lasting relationship. Some people go online looking only for cybersex, which may frequently result in masturbation. When that’s the main aim of a particular computer forum, it is called a J/O (for jerk off) session. The people who inhabit these forums regularly call themselves cybersluts (see www. cybersluts.org) — and who am I to disagree? Such chatting starts with people talking dirty to each other. Eventually the two people may exchange nude pictures of each other.

E-mail erotica
It seems like the entire world has access to e-mail — and love letters have never been the same. Just be careful to whom you send your letters!

And e-mail also allows you to send pictures along with text. Just be careful about what kind of pictures you send where. For example, if you send an e-mail to someone at his or her office, chances are an employer may be able to see your message. Not only can you be embarrassed, but the person onthe receiving end can lose his or her job.

Off-line viewing
You don’t necessarily need to have your computer connected to the Web to view erotic images. You can get CD-ROMs that contain hundreds of erotic images, from the Playboy-type to vintage postcards to . . . whatever. Some of these CD-ROMs have video games that also appeal to prurient interests.

Computers can play DVDs, too, so if you want to spend your next airplane ride looking at an X-rated movie on your laptop computer, and no one is sitting in the seat next to you or behind you, you can do that too. And for those of you with video iPods, porn can be viewed on those small screens, as well as on cell phones. I suppose the day will come when you’ll be able to download porn directly into your brain.

Sex and the Telephone: Aural Sex

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Because sex is a form of communication, it’s only natural for the telephone to play a part in our sexual activity. The anonymity of communicating by phone quickly made it the ideal way of asking someone out for a date. On the phone, the physical reaction of both parties remains secret, which makes the process a little easier on everyone.

That anonymity also encourages many people to flirt over the phone (as they do over computer lines). In most cases, that flirtation never goes any further, especially because a great distance may separate the two people. And, although some people may “give great phone,” you may be sorely disappointed in them if you see them in the flesh.

These forms of sexual contact are basically innocent, but Alexander Graham Bell would probably have buried his invention if he’d foreseen some of the other ways that people have transformed his telephone into a sex toy.

Obscene phone calls have long been a problem, although innovations such as Caller ID may soon make them a thing of the past. Some of these calls are merely pranks pulled by rambunctious teens looking more to shock than to actually excite anybody, least of all themselves. However, some people do become addicted to making obscene phone calls. A college president lost his job because of his habit of making such calls.

Pay to play — 900 or 976 numbers
Recently, people have used the phone lines more and more for conversations that have, as a goal, one or both parties reaching an orgasm. Some peoplehave always “talked dirty” to each other while masturbating. I even recommend such behavior to couples who are separated by long distances and want to keep their sexual relationship going while living apart. But what made the use of such behavior explode in popularity was the commercialism that came after the breakup of the Bell telephone system and the deregulation of the industry.

Nowadays, you can find hundreds of phone numbers that are exclusively used for sex (most are 900 numbers or have 976 exchanges). A person cancall and speak to someone who will fulfill whatever phone fantasy he or she may have — talking about sex to a woman or a man, ordering a submissive slave on the other end to obey one’s every command, or being dominated by a cruel master — all accompanied by the masturbation of the callers, who can make the fantasy last and pay the additional costs, or hang up as soon as they find the relief that they were seeking.

Because we are in need of safer sexual outlets, I suppose that these phone sex companies fill a need, but they also bring some drawbacks that disturb me:

I don’t believe that children are adequately protected. In theory, you have to be 21 or older to call, but do they really check? Even if callers are supposed to use a credit card number, what if a child, even a teenage child, uses a parent’s number?

Another drawback is the cost. Some people have gotten addicted to phone sex and ended up with astronomical bills. I have to admit that, if these people are adults, they make these calls of their own free will, but it still bothers me.

I just called to say . . .
Does phone sex belong in a relationship between two people? If they’re in a long-distance relationship, sure. But if they live nearby and they regularly have telephone sex as a means of safer sex, I’m just not sure. How realistic is it that two people who go out and date will continue to have sex only when they have a telephone line between them? Eventually, they will want to get together, so they had better be prepared for that moment and not rely on phone sex to keep them safe. However, I can’t really criticize any couple who does have phone sex because, in this day and age of AIDS, no measure that you take to remain healthy can be regarded as extreme.

The phone can be a helpful tool to spice up your sex life, even if you’re married. When you talk on the phone, you’re speaking right into the other person’s ear. Whispering “sweet nothings” — or “hot somethings” — into the phone, so only your lover and you can hear them, can let you get up closeand personal at any time of the day or night. You can use these moments as part of your overall strategy for foreplay. And, if the circumstances are right, once in a while you can even have real phone sex, with one or both of you masturbating, just to throw in some variety.

Cell phones: Sex on the go
Cell phones have been a boon to people who work and want to stay in touch with a loved one. If your workplace doesn’t allow personal phone calls, or if you have something to say that you don’t want the people in the adjoining cubicle to overhear, then all you have to do is grab your cell phone and go for a walk. Voilà! Instant privacy. All I ask is that you please don’t talk in your car while holding a cell phone. Not only is it illegal in many places, but it’s downright dangerous. If you must talk, use an earpiece, but even then, try to limit the amount of time you spend so you can concentrate on driving.

And when cell phones that could display pictures came along, so did the purveyors of pornography. I have to admit that I don’t quite understand what guys get out of seeing tiny little pictures of naked women. Can’t they wait until they get to a computer monitor?

Finally, some cell phones are also cameras. Some people can’t resist showing off parts of their naked body and then sending the picture to all their friends via cell phone. This is mostly harmless play, except when someone bares his or her body while intoxicated and discovers the next day that the image has been sent to every one of his or her friends, and maybe even posted on the Net. The idea isn’t so playful when you’re sober.