MommyNeedsAnotherBeer

I May be Possessed, but at Least I Made Cookies

2009-02-25T09:26:00.000-08:00

After a long sabbatical, I am back. After my lovely post mentioning how glad I was to actually have a job in this horrible economy-I was laid off. That was January 16. So where have I been and what have I been doing for the past month? That is what I am wondering. A brief synopsis of what has occurred since that day.

I managed to make over 30 cupcakes twice to be taken to preschool to celebrate Alexis’ 4th birthday, and Nathan’s 3rd birthday. This means that Nathan is officially potty trained now and is also attending preschool with Alexis. I also managed to prepare a 101 Dalmatians cake as well as Bob the Builder for their birthday party. I still have them share one large party on a day between their actual birthdays because they are still young enough that we only invite family members. I also managed to plan this party and prepare food for it-30 people in attendance, a nice little soiree. Also during this time Scottie had a birthday and I managed to whip up some nice cakes that looked like boobies. Needless to say everyone was thrilled with that dessert.

In and among all of this birthday extravaganza, I managed to clean carpets in my house, wash curtains, scrub tile floors, clean bathrooms, and if I do say so myself- there is no longer any dirty laundry in my house. I have devised a plan that enables me to wash clothes every night before bed and throw them in the dryer in the morning. This plan of which I speak pretty much means I spent 2 weeks washing, drying, folding, and hanging clothes in order to get to this laundry-free point in my life and damn it feels good.

I have cleaned out the kids’ closets and given away old clothes and toys. Strangely- they have not missed a thing that was given or thrown away. I have also gotten rid of some other random junk in my house- Freecycle loves me.

I am a temporary stay at home mom now and despite the fact that I never desired this, I love it. I manage to prepare my children hot meals every day, 3 times a day, my kitchen is clean and my house smells of freshly baked homemade chocolate chip cookies on a regular basis. I am the person who takes the kids to school and I pick them up in the afternoon. We make fun things like finger paints and play dough and then we cover the dining room table with art paper and make wonderful masterpieces. It is almost as if June Cleaver has possessed my body.

I am sure all of this fun will come to an end eventually. I am looking for a new job. But there isn’t very much here in my area that is able to pay what I am worth. I am not trying to sound prissy, but I have two degrees, and am very qualified for a variety of positions and believe that I need to earn enough money at a job in order to maintain my family.

An Update of Sorts

2009-01-06T06:41:00.001-08:00

I know that you are all sitting here waiting patiently for those really cute kid pictures that I promised back at Halloween. You know, of Cinderella and the horse riding cowboy? Well, not only has that all passed, but so have the times for pictures of Thanksgiving, Christmas and the glorious ringing in of the New Year. We even went away for a nice little weekend trip this past weekend, and I didn’t even bother to take any pictures until we were getting ready to leave. I am such a slacker. I can explain though-honest I can.

Right before Thanksgiving, I was made a full time employee at the great job I had mentioned a few times that I had begun through a temporary service. Along with this full-time/permanent employment status came many things. One of those things was that it came just in time to be paid for the Thanksgiving Holiday. (Sweet!) And along with this salaried position comes the reality of no real definitive start and stop times to my work day. This was the biggest adjustment because despite the fact that I was a salaried employee at my last job- I was there for over 10 years, had a system and could get done what I needed in a few short hours most days. So now I am in a nice swing and being in the accounting department-this is the busiest time of the year for us and I am now working 6 days each week for another month at least and still getting that same pay. Of course, I am pleased to have a job to bitch about instead of bitching about not having a job. It is a nice set up I must admit during these economic hard times. I am also feeling rather secure in the fact that my job will be ok for a while. See this company I am working for builds apartment buildings. And although it sucks for those people losing their homes they have to move somewhere and an apartment is usually the first stop. So although I feel pretty safe, I am still watching my back and doing my best because I am the newest employee and could easily be the first to go.
As I may have also mentioned, my computer at home has a virus of some sort. I have not taken the time to get it fixed yet, so my computer time is while I am at work- but since I am watching my back- I do not have very much time to update the blog. I have still been reading yours though. I will try to get a recap up of my Christmas holiday soon.

If Only You had Helped

2008-12-03T11:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, I remember when you told me you did not like the pasta that is shaped like spirals, or the kind shaped like flowers. You should also remember that I said I was making pasta for dinner. Would it have been too much for you to get up off the couch and boil some damn water? Apparently it was, so eat the damn flower-shaped noodle and be quiet.

Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone

2008-11-26T07:18:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Turkey Day. I will be spending the day having breakfast at my parents’ house (a Christmas tradition that we are moving to Thanksgiving this year) and then we will drive down the road a bit to have lunch with Scottie’s side of the family. It should be pretty low stress except that lunch is scheduled right at Nathan must have a nap now tine. We will see how that goes.

I am also celebrating my 34th birthday on Turkey Day. Hopefully it will be better than last year. There was way too much drama for me to enjoy it, and in fact, that is why I have chosen not to have a party or any other type of celebration this year.

Have fun with your families; enjoy your turkey and football. Travel safely and enjoy your naps.

It's All In Who You Know

2008-11-12T09:29:00.000-08:00

I am not someone who is impressed by the stardom or wealth of others. I am pleased with my life and understand that some people have and others do not. I am not envious of others for the things they have that I do not. In fact desire to achieve more is what keeps me motivated. But here is the thing- I work in Franklin, Tn. There are several people I work with who just so happen to have connections in the Country Music Industry. These people have the opportunity to go to the CMA Awards tonight. I would love to go to this event because you must admit it is sure to be a great concert. Well the person who is in the office next to mine could not only go, but could sit in the really good seats. She is not going. Do you want to know why? I am sure you do. Care to take a guess? Here are some hints: not because she doesn’t have anything to wear, not because she doesn’t have a sitter for her kids, not because she can’t find anyone to go with her. She is not going because she “doesn’t feel like it this year.” Yes, that is right she doesn’t feel like going to one of the biggest events of the year (in this town anyway). Needless to say I may be a bit jaded but it sucks that I don’t have those kinds of connections.

The happenings

2008-10-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

Lots of exciting things are happening around my house. Alexis started preschool last week. It is only 3 days a week for 3.5 hours each day but she likes it and I am sure that she has needed this socialization for some time now. The preschool is a program at our local high school so there are teenagers caring for her under the supervision of a classroom teacher. I am nervous about this, but I am ok with the arrangement so far. My mom went to check it out prior to her enrollment. She took Alexis and Nathan in to see everything and meet the teacher and students. Of course Nathan being the player he is had all of the girls wanting him to go to the school too. He is not potty trained yet so he cannot attend. Strangely some of those girls said that they would change his diapers if he could stay because “he is just so cute”. Yeah- he is cute, and I love him, but they have no idea what they are getting into with that. So he is not enrolled yet. I am hoping he will be able to go by Christmas.

Alexis has found a Humpty Dumpty doll that my grandmother made for me. I have always felt that Humpty Dumpty was a boy, but the doll has eyelashes and according to Alexis- eyelashes are for girls. So that doll is a girl. Boy will she be disappointed when she realizes her brother has the longest eyelashes ever and he is most definitely a boy.

The Things You Miss

2008-10-15T14:23:00.001-07:00

Right after Alexis was born my parents had the opportunity to spend a lot of those early months with her, they also had the same chance with Nathan. My mom had retired early and my dad was finally at a point with his business that he was comfortable to leave the jobsite for a few hours or days at a time. So they were both witness to many of those early milestones such as rolling over, crawling, talking, and walking. I was thrilled to have the chance to see these things with both of my children, and also happy that my parents were enjoying this special time with their grandchildren.

The other night the kids had spent the night with my parents and I went by the next morning to pick them up. My mom had picked up a small bicycle with training wheels on it at an auction some months back. I remember when she got it, but I was starting my new job and I really hadn’t thought much about it, until this morning when I witnessed both of my kids cruising around the garage at breakneck speed on their bike. It was so funny to see this skill that I was unaware they had. With any other riding toys I had seen them on before, the pedaling was too difficult. They now had this down pat and were having a great time. When my dad realized my shock he explained to me that this was one of those milestones that he had missed when my sister and I were growing up, just like the rolling over and the crawling.

After a while the sadness had set in about not knowing what my kids were doing when I was away from them. They often come home singing a new song, or reciting a new nursery rhyme, but the bicycle got to me. It then occurred the true sacrifice I made by taking this job that is farther away from home. I know it is a good choice for the financial stability of my family. The compensation is good, the perks are fantastic, and I am finally with a company that offers health insurance. I am actually pleased with the work I am doing and I can see myself with this company for a long time. I know deep down that everything will be fine. I know from my own experience the times I spent with my own grandmother while my parents worked was wonderful. It was in her home that I learned to read and write and I was prepared for kindergarten when the time came. I know my own children will have those same types of memories with their Grandma. I guess it is just a little bittersweet to know that I am missing those important stages in the lives of my children, but it is nice to know that my parents are getting the opportunity to make up for that lost time they had. Maybe this is all just part of the cycle, and I am just another spoke in the wheel. I guess that I know Alexis and Nathan will grow up to be well-adjusted adults despite the fact that they are away from me more often. I turned out pretty good, and I had the same type of experience as a child.

As Promised... a Thousand Years Ago

2008-10-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

We went to a pumpkin patch last weekend and let the kids pick out their own pumpkins. After no time at all Nathan had chosen this one that Jessica is helping him with.

Alexis was searching all of the bins. She is never pleased with her first option. She managed to choose two small sugar pumpkins instead of one big one.
There was a bin of grain set up with bottles and other containers for the kids to fill and pour. Nathan enjoyed the pouring the most.
Alexis, true to form, made sure each bottle was filled to the very top before she would pour any out.
All of the kids posed in the mums for one last picture.

Alexis is going to be Cinderella for Halloween. She will be all decked out with a tiara and high heels. I will be taking her Crocs with us just in case. Nathan has chosen a pony costume that he puts his legs into the back legs of the horse, and it will appear that he is riding a bronc. It is very cute, and I managed to talk him out of the pink pony that he had originally chosen, just because I knew it would freak out his daddy. I must say the pink pony was very pretty. Jessica has decided she is too old to dress up for Halloween. I am not sure what is up with that, because I love a good costume. Her mother seems to have a warped sense of what being a kid and having fun is all about, so Jessica seems a little scared to let loos e and have fun with stuuf like this. Hopefully I can convince her to get a costume, because she will be with us on Halloween and I don't want her to feel left out without one.

New Baby

2008-10-10T05:45:00.000-07:00

A good friend of mine had a baby this week. I went to see her after the baby arrived via c-section, and stopped in the nursery first to see the new bouncing baby boy. He was there all new and wrinkled and looking quite tiny and sweet. It is hard to believe my baby is almost 3, and also hard to believe he use to be that small. Well my baby was with me at the hospital for this visit and he was enjoying being able to get right up at the window to view the new arrivals.

We talked about how little the babies are and that they had all just gotten out of the tummies of their mommies. He watched with curiosity as a nurse gave a little boy his first bath. She got him all cleaned up and dressed in a new diaper, then turned him around so that we could see him. Nathan looked at him and talked about his toes and the thing (security device) on his leg. Then in a very scared voice said "oh no, mommy? why is his penis on his belly?" Yes, the belly button was there in all the newborn glory stretched out and clamped off, and my boy who is obsessed with his own penis was completely concerned about the penis of the new baby. It was a good laugh for me and my friends, but the new dad in the room, looked a little worried, until he realized it was not his baby being discussed, and that it was just a new belly button in the makling.

I will try to get some pictures up this weekend of our trip last week to the pumpkin patch.

Someone Got My Gizmo Wet

2008-10-02T10:36:00.001-07:00

Remember that movie Gremlins? It started with a cute furry little creature called Gizmo, and then turned into horrifying scaly slimy vile creatures. Earlier this week I felt like the guy who owned Gizmo in that movie.

My new job is going well. I am still figuring out the little quirks and things that go with the job, but overall it is working out as I had hoped. There are however a few things that are being changed, as the person who was doing this job before had made her own rules. I am now falling into the trenches and having to dig my way out.

See, I am doing accounts payable, and as many of you know, every bill has a different due date. Just like your car payment and your electric bill are not due on the same day, the payments to all of our vendors are not due on the same day. Here is the kicker- they have all been paid on the same day for the past 5 years. This means that many people may have an invoice that is 2 months old (due to our system for having backup) going out with some that are just a week old. So I am dealing with angry vendors who want to be paid, missing paperwork, and the frustration of being new and people assuming I don’t know what I am doing. Not only do I know what I am doing, but I do not need anyone coming along behind me making sure I did my job, and then telling me how and when I should do certain things. There is of course one person here who is not my actual boss, but feels the need to continuously tell me how she would do this if it was her. I do appreciate some tips, but I also am very independent and need to do things on my own. My actual boss has already handed over several problem accounts to me in order to let me fix them. My theory is that she would not be doing this if she did not think I was capable.

So I have vendors calling me about invoices that were due 3 months ago (as in before I got here), and Ms. Helpful telling me what I need to do, and then the actual stuff I know I am supposed to be taking care of. I had some big stacks of crazy stuff on my desk the other morning when I came in. I know that they were not there the day before because my desk is cleaned every afternoon before I go home. It was quite overwhelming to see all of these things thrown my way at once and know that it was all someone else’s slacking that created it. I also saw some things that Ms. Helpful had said she was going to take care of. They are now over a month old. It seems she could be trying to sabotage me. I am not sure, we will see.

Just had to vent a little, maybe I can tell you about the cute kids and their Halloween plans next.

I Had An Affair After Work- Or How I Got Screwed At The Pumps

2008-09-19T10:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, I was running late for work, so when my idiot light game on indicating that my car needed gas, I decided I would just fill up on the way home. Little did I know what a horrific choice this was.

I left work and decided to avoid the interstate. I passed the Sam's Club in order to fill up at WalMart. WalMart did not have gas pumps. I turned around to go back to Sam's and they had no gas. I continued on, all the while watching my fuel indicator tell me I had fewer and fewer miles left to go (3 to be exact).

I finally made it to a Mapco, where I waited in line for 20 minutes, in order to spend $3.99/gallon for regular gas. They only had regular so many people were stuck waiting in line only to continue on because their vehicles required a much higher octane. Then I proceeded to drive home in traffic that slowed at every gas station, looking for signs of gas. There was none to be found. So I will be staying home all weekend, and trying not to use too much gas, because I need that gas to last me the rest of next week when local stations are reporting they will have more of the liquid gold available.

Moving On

2008-08-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

I posted last week about the death of my father-in-law. It was a difficult time for all of us. The babies are adjusting, but still want to know when PaPa will be back from Heaven. SInce we are not religious (my in-laws are) and do not go to church, the concept of Heaven was difficult to explain. But I think I worked it out well enough for their age. Thanks to all of you who commented and expressed your sympathies.

On a new note- I did start my new job last week. It is a temp-to-hire position and I am very excited about it. I will be doing Accounts Payable work for a construction company about an hour from my home. I will be working longer hours, but the benefits and perks (which are AMAZING!) should prove to be worth this adjustment. The company is great, and despite the fact that I was supposed to start last Monday (funeral day), they were very compliant and when I arrived on Tuesday morning, they offered condolences and even went as far as to offer me the opportunity to wait a week to start. I was impressed with that, becuase I am after all temporary- but they want me for this position, and I was eager to get started. I stayed, and was offered comfort and support my by new coworkers. I believe that I will be happy here, and plan to be at this job for a long while. I do however, have less internet time and a virus infected home computer. My internet time has been greatly hindered, and I am trying to check in and make the rounds. I will write more soon as time allows allows.

I Didn't Disappear

2008-08-21T05:52:00.000-07:00

Hello all. I am sorry I haven't made the rounds this week. My father-in-law was in an accident last Friday afternoon and was killed almost instantly. It has been very difficult for my husband. His mother actually witnessed the entire accident, and Alexis was with her. Although she didn't see anything, it has been very difficult to explain what has happened to her and Nathan.

On a more positive note- I started a new job this week, and I am loving it. I will post something over the weekend to get everyone updated.

2008-08-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

Tuesday is Jessica's birthday. She will be 12. This was our weekend with her so we decided to have a little fun and have a surprise party. We had the party at my parent's house and had a luau theme. It was fun and festive and she was completely shocked. Here is a picture f her in her lei and grass skirt. I didn't think we would get her to wear that, but she actually did.

I made her a palm tree cake to go with the tropical theme. I tricked her into believing it was actually for a friend who was sending his parents on a cruise. She bought that story.

Here is a picture of the cake. It was chocolate-y and delicious. I added a few bouncy 'beach' balls and some umbrellas in the sand for an extra special effect. The little kids had bouncy balls zinging all around the garage, and I am sure a few people were hit in the head by a stray ball or two.

Here is the birthday girl getting ready to make her wish and blow out the candles. I am sure she wished for something silly, like meeting one of those little boys from her favorite Disney Channel shows. Or maybe that she could kiss some cute boy at school next week. Who knows? I have a hard time remembering what I wished for when I was 12. But I am pretty sure that as happy as I am right now, it must have all worked out.

So happy (early) birthday Jessica. You have made my life a little more special by being a part of it. I hope you get all that you wished for and more.

Questions and Answers

2008-08-07T10:29:00.000-07:00

I know that I have been writing a lot about Nathan lately, but he is so wild and high-strung that it is easy to focus on his craziness. So let me talk about Alexis for a bit. She is much calmer and quieter than her little brother and she is pleased to sit quietly all day looking at her books or watching Little Bear. She sometimes gets overlooked as far as blog subject matter because she is so quiet. Have no fears, she is still cleaned and fed daily, we are not ignoring her, it is just that Nathan’s antics tend to me very bloggable.

This morning in the car while I was out running a few errands, the kids fell into their usual routine of 20 thousand questions. Nathan is in a big ‘why’ phase right now and Alexis is in her ‘how’ phase. For example he wants to know why we stopped at the red light (so we don’t have a wreck), (they both understand red=stop, green=go) and she wants to know how the light turns from red to green (electrical timers and stuff). Needless to say between the 2 of them my brain works overtime every day.

One of my minors is in biology, so the whole ‘why is the sky blue, grass green’ stuff I can do pretty easy. But Alexis gets pretty technical with some of her how questions and I try to answer them as best as I can and if I do not know an answer I always promise to look it up later. Just so you understand, look it up later really means look it up later, because that child does not forget anything. This morning I answered the following questions:

Where are the deer? (Hiding in the woods)
Why are they in the woods? (Because they are hiding from us)
Don’t they like us? (They are scared of people)
Why are they scared of people? (Because people shoot at them)
Do they think we are going to shoot them? (Yes)
Can we tell them I don’t have a gun? (We could tell them if they come out here, but they probably won’t)
Can we mail them a letter? (No, deer can’t read)
How is a deer smart enough to hide if he can’t read? …..

I really didn’t know how to answer that one, so I went with some stuff about smelling the people, and knowing that the people don’t belong there, etc.

Then Alexis said that we could just use some of that stuff (scent spray) Daddy uses to make the deer like him. Scottie is a hunter and Alexis is obsessed with it, and so she knows about all of his hunting equipment. I agreed that when she was older we could try that. She was then satisfied. In fact she told me that I “have all of her questions inside of me.’ This means that I answer all of her questions, because she still gets the difference in question and answer confused. That kid is so funny. I am dreading the day when she realizes I don’t really have all of her questions inside of me.

You Better Not....And Other Warnings

2008-08-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

When one of my children prepares to break the rules, I usually tell them they 'better not____'. For example when I see Nathan walk behind the couch and throw his foot up on the back of it, I say "You better not climb over the back of the couch". When I tell Alexis she can't spend the night with Grandma and she crosses her arms across her chest and begins to pout, I say "You better not have a fit". Well these are things that my kids do, and as their mother I am quite capable of noticing when all hell may be breaking loose and they are going to do something completely crazy. I notice the oncoming craziness and tell them they "better not" do whatever action I am anticipating. This works at times, and I can thwart their plans of defiance and protest. Lately, this is not working. Here is the problem.

Nathan has learned Mommy's warning, and proceeds to tell me that I " better not" do whatever it is. For instance on Saturday I was driving through town to go to the bank and to pick up a pizza. Nathan began screaming and kicking (his new favorite activity) in the back seat. I told him that if he did not stop screaming that I would stop the car and put him in a time out. His response- "You better not put me in time out." We finally get home and he is eating dinner. He bangs his cup on the table, I tell him that if he doesn't stop, I will take his cup away and he won't have anything to drink. His response-"You better not take my cup away".

The real bad part about this sassing he has started is that he looks so darn cute, very matter-of-fact, hands on his hips, when he does it, and the words come out sort of sing-songy. It is probably quite entertaining to see for other people. So I am trying to adjust what I say in warning because Nathan likes to quote me for what can only be his own personal amusement. For the time time being Alexis has taken to warning him. Now she tells him that "he better not say 'you better not' to Mommy".

Pet Shop of Horrors

2008-08-02T10:47:00.000-07:00

My kids want a pet. My husband wants a pet. I do not want a pet. Alexis asks continuously for an animal, of any kind. Jessica doesn't understand why we can't get a dog. And Nathan needs something to torture. Scottie, who has always had animals, doesn't think it is fair that we don't have any pets. So why is it you ask that we do not have a pet? Let me explain this to you.

First, I believe pets are good things. Some animal such as dogs and cats can be lifelong friends. Other animals such as fish tend to have a calming effect. And critters such as ferrets, hamsters, and sugar gliders make for interesting conversation. All pets teach and enhance responsibility, and in this lies the problem. Teaching responsibility a problem? Yes, my friend, it is. For in order to teach responsibility, you must first have a basis of responsibility to build upon.

I must ask my family a few things to ensure they are ready for a pet. If you are not responsible enough to pick up your own dirty underwear off of the bathroom floor, you probably won't remeber to clean the hamster cage, right? If you are only here 10 days out of the month, suffice it to say, your dog might not get walked enough. If you can't remember where your pink shoes are, how are you going to remember to feed the cat? If you eat rocks, are the fish really safe?

They may argue that as a family, whatever pet we choose should be a group responsibity, and I will agree to that as long as everyone agrees to the type of pet we have. You see, I do not like dogs, my husband does not like cats. That limits the pet options greatly.

Don't get me wrong, I want my kids to have a pet at some point. I think they should be older first. But I also believe that the family should exhibit a little more responsibility before we bring in another baby to care for. What do you think? Does your family have a pet? What is it? Who wanted it? Does that person provide the primary care for it or does someone else? Am I just a meanie?

Why Me?

2008-08-01T13:11:00.000-07:00

Is there anything more cute than your 2 and a half year old throwing a kicking screaming fit in the backseat of the car? At Sonic? While you are trying to order? What if I added he was screaming 'Help' like a banshee as well? Nothing cuter right?

Well not 5 minutes after that fit, he proceeded to sing 'You Are My Sunshine' to me. Just the first verse, that's all he knows. Yeah, hard to be the mean Mommy after that.

But seriously, how does a kid that cute (the one on the left)

turn out to be so crazy in less than 2 years?

Kids on Leashes

2008-07-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

We got home last night from a weekend trip to Chattanooga. I had purchased those animal backpack/leash things for the babies so that we wouldn't have to take our huge stroller. They are old enough that walking is more fun for them, and Nathan, who is a runner, needs to be held onto, but I am always convinced he will pop his shoulder out of place because when we are holding his hand he likes to pull away. So I remember before I had kids I use to laugh at the people with the leash things, now I love them. They worked great to give the kids a little freedom, but they could never get too far away, and we could always hold their hands when we crossed the street or were in a more crowded area, while still leaving the harness attached. Now I just need to figure out how to downsize the diaper bag.

It was a quick 2 hour drive, and the kids were good in the car. We went to the Tennessee Aquarium, and to Ruby Falls, then the next day we went to the Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum and to Coolidge Park. We had a great time, but the kids were so strange in their reactions to the things we saw. Alexis was terrified of the big tanks at the aquarium. She liked the small ones, just not the big ones. Nathan loved all of the exhibits and was so excited that other people were laughing at him rushing to see all of the big fish. Jessica was a typical preteen and pretended to be all moody despite the fact that she was having a good time. We made the trip down to see Ruby Falls and all of the kids seemed to enjoy it, but it was quite a hike (about a mile) so the babies were very tired by the end. Nathan was originally scared of the trains when we first got to the depot, but he warmed up quickly as we referred to the trains as being like Thomas, and so all was well and we enjoyed a nice little 3 mile ride which included a tunnel that was a huge hit. After the train ride we caught a water taxi over to the park in order to ride the carousel. It was a lot of fun for everyone, even Jessica quit pouting to ride on an Ostrich.

This morning when I got to my mom's house with the kids the first thing Nathan talked about was riding the alligator. And no, not a real one, or even on the carousel (he rode a giraffe by the way), he actually meant elevator. That kid is so excited by a damned elevator that he seriously opened the hotel room door and took off down the hall to get on it. Alexis told about the boat first and Jessica mentioned her mom calling while we were actually on the train. That was a funny conversation with her mom. So overall I guess we had a nice trip. It was tiring because of the heat, but it was definitely worth the smiles.

Paint Chips and Soap

2008-07-25T11:29:00.000-07:00

The other day Nathan was playing out in my mom's garage. The garage is really just an added home entertainment area, as there are never cars parked inside this basketball court sized monstrosity. My kids love to play in there and so Grandma parks outside so the kids have room to play. Yeah-spolied I know! On the day in question Nathan was painting (with non-toxic water colors) and blowing bubbles (also non-toxic). Then Grandma realized that Nathan was eating the paint off the end of his paint brush. Of course she told him not to do that and he moved on to licking the bubble solution from the bubble wand. After his second lick, he promptly puked. Apparently the single items alone would have been fine, but the combination was too much. He was of course fine, and went on with his normal activities of eating rocks and dirt. Yes, I realize eating rocks and dirt does not sound normal, but he does this, and according to his doctor (and the numerous tests she has run), he is normal with some strange eating habits. He of course also eats everything I offer him that is real food. I figure it is a trade off for me to not make him special meals, I let him put a rock in his mouth every now and again.

I Was Tagged!!!!

2008-07-18T12:48:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by Boo(duh) for a "6 quirks about you" meme.

I'm supposed to mention the rules, so here they are: Link your tagger, mention the rules, spill the quirks, tag 6 more victims and let them know by commenting on their blogs.

I am obsessed with exfoliating my skin. I must use bath gloves, or a scrubbie thing or some type of granulated cleanser anytime I bathe.

Sometimes I let my kids stay up for "one more" story, or drink of water, or television show because I already know how much I will miss it when they don't need my permission for that stuff anymore and they are only toddlers now.

I love to play poker, and I am good. I have played with some people who have won big money in big games (WSOP, WPT, etc), they have showered my game play with honest compliments, and very few critiques. I wish that I had the time and money to become a professional gambler.

The little toe on my left foot overlaps the toe next to it. I have one aunt on both sides of my family with the same thing. They hate theirs, I like mine because it is different.

I cannot cook in a dirty kitchen. But I hate to wash dishes after dinner, so I often wash dishes in the morning before cooking breakfast.

I currently have a Pack n Play full of clean laundry in my living room. I am hoping someone else in my house will notice it and fold/put away the contents. It has been there for over 3 weeks, I am going to have to do it if it gets done. Apparently it is not enough to gather the laundry, stain remove and wash, and then dry, but I must also put it away too.

Because I am so new to blogging, and a rebel... I am not tagging anyone. But if you happen to visit and want to dish, please let me know in the comments and I will come over and read about your weirdness too.

But He's Not Like Lee (Part 9)

2008-07-18T10:36:00.000-07:00

I was relieved to have the order of protection in place. I was unsure how well it would work and exactly how well he was going to follow it. I have seen him twice since that day in court, both times were completely coincidental, cases of being in the same place at the same time for different reasons. The first was at a gas station. I was in a neighboring town for my little sister’s volleyball tournament. I had stopped to get a drink and some fuel, and was then on my way. I saw him getting into a car, and then he pulled away. I shook for 15 minutes with fear and relief. Fear when I realized it was him, and when he looked me in the eye before getting into his car, and relief when after being frozen in that spot for 15 minutes, he didn’t come back. The next time I saw him I was out with a boyfriend. The new guy was big and kind of scary looking (but a big teddy bear). I always felt safe when he was around. We were in the town that Lee’s mother lived in and had stopped at a restaurant down the street from her house. I felt ok because what were the chances we would see him there? Well they were apparently pretty good because he was with his parents and a “new” girlfriend leaving the restaurant when we got there. New boyfriend knew about old boyfriend, and when I told him that Lee was there, he shouted across the parking lot to the new girlfriend that she was with a woman beater, and stalker. The look on his face alone was priceless, let alone the looks of his mom and the girl. I managed to calm down and enjoy my meal after 2 glasses of wine.

So now, I am happily married, and yes I managed to have children of my own. Things worked out for me medically and despite the fact that I was on birth control (both times), I conceived 2 beautiful babies. They are healthy and happy and surrounded by loving people.

I can pretty much spot an abuser instantly after seeing them interact with their girlfriend. I have learned to recognize comments and actions that abusive men make, that in retrospect I should have seen long ago. I also can tell by the way a woman acts with certain men that they are afraid of being abused by them. I have seen my fair share of black eyes and bruises that are explained away by “accidents”. My own best friend was married to an abuser during the time I was with Lee. We now discuss our lies that we used to cover for them. We agree that if someone being abused admits to any abuse, that there is at least twice as much happening. My friend even came home from her honeymoon with 2 black eyes. Her explanation-she fell during the booze cruise from the top floor of the boat to the bottom. The truth, he got mad at her and beat her in the hotel room the night before they came home. The abuse had begun before the wedding, and ended when she finally came home from Italy years later. You see, he was in the Air Force, and they had been stationed in Italy so she didn’t even have a strong support network until she came back home. Abusers are everywhere, and so many people refuse to see it, and refuse to get involved. I would probably have died the night I was arrested if the neighbor hadn’t dialed 911. I never thanked her for that. She probably thought I was an idiot for not leaving sooner. I am so grateful to her for her help. I hope she knows.

I started writing this because my sister was recently dating a guy who I am sure is an abuser. He has hurt her, she admitted to that. I am sure he has done more than she said. I don't want to see her go through the things I did. She told me a few weeks ago that she was seeing him again, and that although he was mean to her and did hurt her that"He's not like Lee". I wrote this because I believe he is like Lee and every other guy who has abused a woman. The funny thing is that it is just a matter of time between that first push or slap to sitting in an emergency room wondering if you are going to live. If you get away early, you can avoid that thought, and maybe make peace with yourself and get back on the right track. Supportive family members and friends are the way to go. It amazes me the number of people who feel so alone in their predicament, yet there are so many others in the exact same situation. Thanks to those of you who have read my story and commented, or just read it and silently thanked me for my information and sharing. Even though this was more than 10 years ago, there are days that the emotions overwhelm me and cause me to get a little too stressed. I no longer live in fear of seeing him, I no longer walk around scared. I have become that fun free-spirited girl I once was. I enjoy my life and my family.

But He's Not Like Lee (Part 8)

2008-07-17T14:06:00.001-07:00

I confessed the majority of the story that night over the phone to my friend. I thanked him for his chivalry. He didn’t say much else and then quickly got off the phone. I just knew that he was finished with me because he didn’t need this kind of drama from his study partner. The next day of class, my friend greeted me with a cup of hot chocolate and peanut butter cookies, our calculus sedatives. We agreed to skip class and went to sit in a common area enjoying our breakfast. He then began confessing that his mother had been abused by his step father. He said it was horrible dealing with that growing up and that is why he moved out at the age of 16. His mother had chosen this abuser over her own child. This is when I knew I was ok. I had made the biggest step and gotten away. I was thrilled that I still had a friend despite the craziness. His grandmother passed away that winter and he moved back to his hometown to help his grandfather. Although, I have lost touch with him I think of him every now and again, and feel so blessed to know he was a true friend.

The rest of the semester passed without incident, and I was so glad for Christmas break to arrive. I was having fun with friends and family, celebrating the season, shopping, and just hanging out when I wasn’t working. One afternoon I was out picking up some last minute presents at the mall. I had been there for about 4 hours when I decided to head home. I got to my car and put my packages into the trunk. I opened the door and then I noticed a book on the windshield. It was a huge 3-ring binder. I opened it. On the first page there was a note that said “thought you might like to have these”. There were things inside, notes that I had written to Lee while we were together. Things like “gone to the store” or “have a good day”. There was a picture of us taken at his mom’s house when we first started dating. A card he had given me after a fight. Then there were other things, things that were less familiar. There was a picture of me in the parking lot of the grocery store that I didn’t remember being taken. Then there was a picture of me outside of my parent’s house. I thought to myself, wait a minute, my hair is short, and that means this picture is recent. My hair had been longer while we were together. I looked closer at the grocery store pic. It was my local store, not the one we had gone to when we lived together. I got nervous, and locked my car doors. I flipped through the rest of the book. There were dozens of pictures of me. Pictures that I had not known were being taken. There were even some brave ones, like the 2 in restaurants while I was out with friends. I was completely freaked out at this point. I didn’t know what to do. I went home. I locked the doors, I shut the curtains and I went to bed. I was moving on with my life, why couldn’t he just let me go. I mean, seriously, I saw the arsenal of girlfriends he had kept on the side, not that I wanted him to abuse them, but I wanted him to go to them and leave me the hell alone. The next day I went with the notebook to the police department. They told me that I could file for an order of protection. They stressed that I would be responsible for paying to have it served because I lived in a different county than he did. I kept stressing to them that he was crazy, and I was willing to do whatever it takes. One officer kept asking why the book bothered me so much. He truly didn’t understand what the big deal was. He was married. I explained to him that he would be concerned real quick like if his wife’s ex boyfriend started leaving notebooks full of pictures of her lying around on her car while she was shopping. He would not believe that I had a new car that Lee didn't know about, that I hadn’t had contact with Lee when he found me at school, he couldn’t believe that I didn’t still talk to him. He continuously tried to make me feel that I had done something wrong. I asked for his supervisor. I explained to him and his supervisor that I had not done anything wrong, all the way back to that first elbow under the chin, and I would not let them make me out to be the crazy person now. The supervisor had some quiet words with super cop, and then helped me to fill out the appropriate paper work. They set a court date, I went. My restraining order was in place. I was done with this for good.

But He's Not Like Lee (Part 7)

2008-07-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

I was done with the crazy boy for good. I began working as much as I could, and contemplated getting back in school. I decided I would wait a year, let my mind and body heal a bit. I actually felt good for a while. I started hanging out with old friends again. They all knew I had been abused, but I was never completely open with the extent of abuse I suffered. I had known all along that it wasn’t my fault, but I had been so scared of admitting failure, so ashamed that I had let that happen to me. I had never been shy, or quiet. I had always spoken my mind. I was not the type of person to let these things happen….but I had. By spring, things were looking up for me, I bought a new car, I was promoted at my job, and I was even interested in dating again. I decided to enroll in summer classes, they went great. The fall semester started and I was really feeling like myself again. I was taking classes 2 days a week from 8 in the morning to about 5 in the afternoon.

One afternoon as I walked out to my car after a full day of classes, I saw someone standing beside my car. The parking lot was emptying, it was almost dark. I was at a school with an enrollment of over 17,000 students. People in the parking lot were common, but I was parked far out, and there were not any cars parked in the spaces near mine so late in the day. Then my palms began to sweat, and I got this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. Although I was not close enough to make out his features, I knew it was Lee. I got all shaky, and thought that I might pass out. Then from out of nowhere a friend from one of my classes appeared. He was a lot of fun and we usually worked on our calculus homework together. We had a joke that it took both of our brains to pass the class, because we each understood about half of the information given in the class. My friend was on a bike, and I asked him to walk with me to my car. He saw the “stranger” and the look on my face and wanted to know if everything was ok. I told him things were not ok, and promised to give him the story later, if he would stay with me long enough to let me get into my car-alone- with the doors locked. He did. Lee stood there making rude comments about my new “boyfriend”, and telling him that I was a whore, so to watch out that I would probably cheat on him. There was a whole string of horrible things coming form his mouth and my new friend just stood there and made sure I was in my car, told me to leave, and he would call me later. I got in my car whispering apologies into his ear, feeling horrible that my friend (nothing romantic at all), was hearing this and dealing with this horrible person, so that I wouldn’t have to. I was in my car, the doors were locked, I fastened my seat belt, I started the car, I put it into gear, and then it happened. Out of nowhere my friend hits Lee with a right hook that caught him so off guard, he fell to the ground. Then he got onto his bike waved at me with a big goofy grin and rode off to his dorm. Lee was left lying on the pavement, and despite the tears, I genuinely laughed. I also contemplated running over him, but chose to be the better person.

So to add to the crazy element it was now determined that this boy was a stalker. He had managed to find my new car that he had never seen before, and as far as I knew didn’t know existed, in a huge parking lot, at a big school. He managed to not only find it, but know without a doubt it was mine, and exactly when I would be there. Despite my belief that I was done with him, I was learning the battle was just beginning.

But He's Not Like Lee (Part 6)

2008-07-16T12:30:00.000-07:00

Double posting today. I wrote it all at once, but it was very long, so I split it in half. Thanks for reading. This story is almost over.

I agreed to come see him the next day. I wanted to tell him we were going to have a family. I wanted things to work for us. I desperately believed that I could fix this. I drove to see him after work the next night. He kissed me and surprised me with a nice dinner and was full of apologies. He agreed to get counseling. He agreed to work on our family. I refused to stay that night. I just couldn’t. When I got back to my parent’s house, they knew where I had been. They didn’t say anything, but they were glad I had come back home. I finally told my mom everything. She was upset, and didn’t want to keep this a secret from my dad, so she agreed to wait a week or two in order for me to prepare to tell him. My daddy develops subdivisions, and has a lot of land and heavy equipment at his disposal. I knew that he would not hesitate to bury this boy under some Tennessee rocks and dirt. But I wanted to work things out, and so I had my cousin and her husband come over when I broke the news to my dad, for moral support. This was the first time I ever saw him cry. (You can look at my father’s day post to see a pic of him) He was not a small man, and years of working construction had made him freakishly strong. I begged him to understand my desire to make things work. He agreed that he would give us a chance for a fresh start, as long as Lee agreed to go to counseling. After this moment, I will never be able to find anyone more fair and forgiving than my father. He invited Lee back into his home, shook his hand as if they had never met, and truly set forth to enabled us to have a new beginning, for my sake. Things were actually looking up.

About a month later, I was back to sleeping at Lee’s, but I had not officially moved back in. One night after work I decided to go to my parent’s house to sleep, I was just too tired to drive all the way to Nashville, and my parent’s house was 5 minutes away. Well I called him to let him know that I had decided to do this. He said it was fine and that he would see me in the morning. Well he called to wake me up about 5 am. I was asleep and didn’t answer the phone. He called again, I didn’t answer. Well the thing is I always kept my phone ringer turned on low, because I didn’t want it to disturb my parents when I was away. So I did not hear the phone ringing. I woke up around 9 and called him. He sounded strange but told me to come over. I got dressed and headed out. He was gone when I got there, so I went inside and waited. I waited for 7 hours for him to return. When he got back he was very drunk and very angry. He proceeded to call me a whore, and accused me of being with someone else the night before. He said that was why I didn’t answer the phone when he called. I tried to explain that the phone ringer was low, and I hadn’t heard it. He then starts into a story about how he had driven by my parent’s house and my car wasn’t there. Let me just say that my parents lived 45 minutes away from him. He didn’t have any friends that lived in their town, he didn’t casually drive by, he was stalking me. This makes me very upset, I mean here we are having a baby, and trying to work things out. He had not been to counseling at this point, and I doubted he would go. The next thing I knew, he had pushed me down on the ground. He was kicking me. I could not fight him off. I tried. I just could not defend myself against him. By the time he was finished, I was bruised front and back from my chest to my knees. He left soon after this. He didn’t even bother to help me up from the floor. I managed to get up, and walk out to my car. This time I didn’t have a black eye, I didn’t have cuts and scratches, just boot prints, and bruises on my body. I was bleeding, and I just needed to get away. I was scared he would come back, and I was scared that if he did, I would stay. Once again I was ashamed, and didn’t want to admit that I had failed again. I drove back towards home, and stopped at the local hospital. I spent the afternoon in the emergency room. I was told that I had lost the baby. I was also told that because of the internal damage I might not ever be able to have children again. They wouldn’t know for sure until some of the swelling went down. I was instructed to schedule a follow up appointment with my OB. Then I was sent home. I went to bed and slept for 2 days. I saw my OB. He wasn’t optimistic about future children. At that point there was no desire in me to ever be pregnant again, after all, I had been, and was unable to save that small life from its own father, how in the hell was I supposed to save a baby from the world?