Skittles' Place

Why Not Me

2009-12-31T11:09:00.003-05:00

Sometimes when I'm as down as I have been it's easy to wonder 'why me'. Then I have to stop and think 'why NOT me'. There are so many people with problems worse than those of mine.

When I had my first mental breakdown and hospitalization in the early 90's I found religion. Oh sure it had been around me most of my life but I had never actually felt it. Never felt a real presence. It was in the hospital that I began picturing myself being a lump of clay in God's hands.

Just like a child will take some Playdoh and fashion something from it.. usually a snake.. (or was that just me?) I was able to picture myself in God's hands being smooshed and squished and reworked. I was able to take comfort from that image. Sure it was icky feeling. Being smooshed around like that. But I was in His hands, you see.

I recalled this during a phone call with a dear friend last night. I told her how I knew back then that I would come out of His squishing and smooshing and be better for it.

I will this time, too. I am in good hands.

I'm Gonna Fly

2009-12-30T13:10:00.001-05:00

" Cause all my life seems I've waited
For the time to start
Being this person inside of me
Unafraid of being me
Even if I am the only one who wants to fly
I'm gonna fly"

How I've Been

2009-12-30T12:06:00.004-05:00

I've been a mess. Most days I just fold my arms on my desk and put my head down and cry. I don't have any specific reason for crying, I just haven't been able to stop. There's nothing that I used to do that I want to do now nor is there anything new I want to try. Can we say classic depression symptoms?

My next scheduled psychiatrist/med review wasn't scheduled until January 16th. I was smart enough to see that was way too far away. I called and was able to be worked in his schedule yesterday.

I went dressed as I was. Clothes I'd been wearing for two days already. Nobody dresses up there anyway. I've never seen people wearing tuxedo shirts that's for sure. I barely passed a brush through my hair.

He asked if I wanted to be admitted to the mental hospital. Something I'd already been asking myself over the past week. I said no. I want to stay at home if possible. I questioned that decision last night when I had a prolonged crying spell (the loud boo-hoo kind of crying) and even Googled looking for the nearest psychiatric hospital.

Anyway. He kept my Abilify at the same dose. He doubled the Trileptal. Kept the Xanax the same. Added in Ritalin to give me some energy.. something I'm in need of. Energy I mean. The Kroger pharmacy was out of the Trileptal so I can't start that higher dose until later today. I didn't want to start the Ritalin until tomorrow because I have a dentist appointment in a couple hours and I want to be home when I start it so I know how it makes me feel.

So.. in case anyone was wondering how I've been.. now you know. I've been a mess.

Heads Or Tails - Rate

2009-12-28T20:56:00.003-05:00

Ok, ok.. I know this is a hard word on which to base a post. Bad hostess. I thought about making a last minute change but thought what the heck. I'll leave it.

At any rate (<-- I used it) I'm having serious doubts about continuing with Heads Or Tails. It's getting harder and harder for me to come up with new themes and harder still to put them into code. Tammy was so nice last time and did that part for me (the coding) but it's not fair to keep asking someone to help me out.

The weird thing is that I have an idea for a better meme. Making new badges and setting it up really boggles my mind right now. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest, I rate (<-- I used it again) about a 10 on how NOT ready I think I am to undertake a new venture like that. Well.. maybe a 9 because I DO have the concept.

Smart Enough To Know

2009-12-27T15:11:00.002-05:00

I'm not quite as bubbly as this octopus is. I wish I was. I guess you're smart enough to know I mean emotionally.

I'm stuck in depression again. Hence me being labeled as a chronic depressive person. Sometimes I can function with it sometimes I can't. Lately I can't. It seems like I'm afraid to do anything and everything. I can't even seem to write a coherent post.

I can act like I'm ok. I have lots of practice with doing that. I've even spoken with some of you on the phone recently and probably sounded just fine when in reality I was a mess inside. I try to go through the motions sometimes. Maybe if I act ok somehow I will become ok. That kind of thing.

Mr. Skittles has this week off and his place of employment has a layoff the first week of January. He's a good guy to have around when I'm like this. He's a good guy to have around at any time, as far as that goes.

Our Christmas Eve gathering was very nice. I was glad we went across the state to be with everyone. Good people, good food, good memories made. Christmas day was quiet for us back at home and was spent in our jammies.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-23T17:27:00.005-05:00

Cookie Sheets

2009-12-23T09:10:00.003-05:00

My psychiatrist has kept me on the same meds for the last couple visits. He upped my Xanax from 'as needed' to three times a day though. I think I threw him for a loop last visit when I told him I'm afraid of cookie sheets.

Yes. Cookie sheets.

He mentioned starting me on something for OCD next visit. Good thing we don't need prescription assistance! Anyway, I kind of thought OCD treatment was behavior modification stuff. Face your fears and all that? Oh nooooo.. it's an evil cookie sheet! Maybe he'd want me to start slow with a small one.. like from an Easy Bake Oven or something. I'm rambling.

I'm not actually afraid of them. I can cook on them. For which my son is thankful. He asked for peanut butter cookies as his present this year. It's after they've been used. Sitting there next to the sink needing to be washed. That's where I get stuck. I cannot wash them. I cannot wash any other dishes if they're sitting there either.

I have other weird things about me but cookie sheets are probably the weirdest. I've thought of them as being.. quirks. Unique little things that make me be.. well.. me. Oh that Barb. Look at her lining things up. That kind of thing.

I guess a loose interpretation of OCD might be anything you do that prevents you from carrying out a 'normal' lifestyle? I'm not really sure. Anyone want to help me on this? The definition I mean.

Of course if anyone wants to come help me wash the cookie sheets, that would be nice, too.

Heads Or Tails - Show 'N Tell

2009-12-21T15:52:00.002-05:00

Grandparents are always eager to SHOW off their grandchildren, so that's what this Heads Or Tails is about.

One of my grandsons was in a Christmas musical at school. I guess they called it a "Winter Musical" though. Either way, watch this (it isn't very long) and see if you can pick out my grandson.

Hint: He's the handsome young man waving enthusiastically at my son and DIL =)

Happy Birthday Mr. Skittles!

2009-12-21T10:06:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday to
Mr. Skittles!!!!

And The Winner Is..

2009-12-21T09:40:00.003-05:00

The winner of the most recent Caption This was..... Misty Dawn!!! The last time Misty won I gave her my guinea pig Gina. That didn't work out because Gina used her rocket powered backpack and came home. (I think Misty might have encouraged that, but I'm not sure.)

So.. I'm awarding her this bobble head. She can put it on the shelf with the pig we gave her last year when we stopped by to meet her.

Camera Critters - Hannah Has A Birthday

2009-12-18T21:55:00.004-05:00

Then...

Now...

Happy 1st Birthday Hannah Banana!!!!

----

Won't you please take a minute and vote in the post
below this one? Thanks. =)

Time To Vote

2009-12-18T11:42:00.003-05:00

<--- This was the picture for which I wanted captions. Here are the ones submitted..

magill50 said... 'yeah, so, the wife and I are going to head to Switzerland for the holidays, so we can enjoy some warmer weather'.

Mike said... Luigi thought it was a bit cold after he landed for what was supposed to be a trip to Rio De Janeiro.

Anna said... Yeah, the reflection off the snow really helps me get that all-over golden tan, in half the time.

Technodoll said... Once again, Bob gets his seasons wrong thanks to a rare condition called Thongacitis.

Grace said... And WHAT is wrong with my Speedos? Huh?

Lucy said... Excuse Me Sir.. Can you direct me to the nearest Gap?

Misty Dawn said... I've got balls of steel... which really is NOT a benefit in weather like this!

Now It's Time To Vote!

Online Surveys & Market Research

(The voting closes Dec. 20 at midnight.)

What About You?

2009-12-17T15:08:00.003-05:00

I was bored so I went to Blogthings to check out the newest quizzes. There was one there for "Do You Talk Too Much?" I refuse to tell you how that one came out. (Ok.. it was kind of like STFU.)

I did this one next:

You Are Dusting

You are meticulous, focused, and extremely detail oriented. It's likely that you have the cleanest home of anyone you know.

You notice all the little things that people seem to overlook. And it's not unusual for a tiny detail that's out of place to get under your skin.

Your perfectionism has no bounds, and in most cases, it's an asset. The world needs more people who can dot every "i" and cross every "t".

You're the type of person who appreciates a job well done. You believe that effort counts for a lot.

What Household Chore Are You?

Caption This Contest

2009-12-15T11:16:00.003-05:00

Hey boys and girls, it's time for a new installment of "Caption This."

Leave a caption for this picture. In a day or so I'll throw the submissions into a head to head vote and the winner will receive ~~something really tacky~~ a fantastic fake prize handpicked by me!

Heads Or Tails

2009-12-14T14:36:00.005-05:00

In July of 2007, me and Mr. Skittles decided to head off in search of a moose. He'd never seen one. We thought he'd seen one while on vacation in Yellowstone, but upon examining the photos when we got home we saw it had actually been an elk.

I Googled the best place to see a moose and found out an area in Vermont was a good place to try. He had some vacation time so we tossed stuff in the car and set off. (This is how most of our vacations begin.)

Let me tell you.. we drove up, down and around Vermont. Then we threw in New Hampshire and Maine just for good measure. No moose.

As we were heading back home we swung by Niagara Falls. It's a beautiful sight.. all that WATER.

A view from the U.S. side.

Google Ad

2009-12-14T13:51:00.003-05:00

No, this isn't one of those sponsored posts. It's an ad I saw on the sidebar of my email account.

Your Name Is No Accident
7 Things You Should Know About What Is Going to Happen To You In 2009!

Just in time, too! We all need to know about 2009...

Daughter Update

2009-12-11T23:32:00.004-05:00

My daughter was discharged from the hospital today and sent home to finish her recovery in her own bed. The diagnosis ended up being a severe lung infection. She gets tired very easily and it's still hard for her to catch her breath at times. (I keep reminding her that bed rest means bed rest.)

Silly Hannah

2009-12-10T14:00:00.002-05:00

With all the worrying I've been doing about my daughter being so sick it was nice to have something to laugh about today.

My dog Hannah found a red magic marker somewhere and decided it would be fun to chew it up. I caught her after she'd been at it for a little while because she is covered in red ink. Feet, legs, face. There was some on the carpet too but it washed out.

Maybe she was trying to draw a picture of gulf shores alabama or a get well card for my daughter. Maybe she just wanted to chew on a red magic marker. Either way she looks silly. I'd take a picture but my camera isn't handy.

My Baby Girl Is Sick

2009-12-09T14:44:00.005-05:00

My 28 year old daughter went into the hospital yesterday with flu-like symptoms made worse by her asthma. She sounded worse than I've ever heard her sound before. Until today, that is. Now she sounds worse than I've ever heard her before.

During the night she was transferred to the progressive care unit. She's coughing blood. They don't know what she has exactly but with her high white blood cell count they know her body is fighting an infection. Although x-rays didn't show pneumonia or bronchitis she does have some fluid in her lungs. She was tested for H1N1 so at least it's not that.

She said they want to give her something to relax her so she can get better rest. She said there's talk of her maybe being intubated.

My baby girl is very sick. =(

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. Let's send her lot of blogger love.

McFunny

2009-12-09T08:26:00.001-05:00

And The Winner Is..

2009-12-08T13:51:00.003-05:00

There was a TIE in the most recent Caption This Contest! The winners are.... Grace and Lucy!!! Congratulations to both of you. You each get one of these crazy Kermits...

Heads Or Tails - One

2009-12-07T16:43:00.007-05:00

I know I posted about this last year around this time, but it's something in my head so I'll do it again..

I was never ONE for listening to Christmas songs too early in the season or even for putting up the tree until the second (or third, eek) week of December. But of course the night we did this was always a special ONE.

As the tree was being put up I'd dig out an old cassette I'd bought from Avon with various artists singing Christmas songs. I always played the same song first and it was always the beginning of the holiday season in our home.

We'd string popcorn and Froot Loops cereal for garland. I think as much got eaten as was strung for the tree. Hot chocolate was plentiful. With marshmallows for those who liked them.

Somewhere along the way I lost the cassette.. and cassette players got phased out anyway. But last year after much searching I found the song on someone's website and ~~stole~~ borrowed their source code so I could put it on my blog. It wasn't sharable. Sheesh.

Anyway.. this year my son went searching for the song and I think he found it the same place I had last year. He ~~stole~~ borrowed it too and he and my DIL (see sidebar) made it into a video.

This song always makes me cry when I hear it.. it has so many wonderful memories attached to it. The fact that it holds the same memories for my son touches my heart more than I can say.

Here it is. The Avon cassette is the only place Judy Collins recorded it..

Time To Vote

2009-12-06T12:30:00.005-05:00

<--- This was the picture for which I wanted captions. Here are the ones that were submitted:

Misty Dawn said... On my way to get snow chains on my tires - the reindeer and elves went on strike.

angel6033 said... Lack of income to buy toys and the overflow of children lead Santa to deliver children instead of toys!!

Grace said... Sally asked for a baby brother and sister... this was the best I could do. Too heavy for the stork to deliver.

Lucy said... In this damn economy I had to lay off the reindeer and couldn't rent that luxurious sleigh. But Thanks to these elves for volunteering to help me.. I may just make it to your house before the new year.

magill50 said... okay, okay, so I borrowed my wife's coat and bike...

Now It's Time To Vote!

Online Surveys & Market Research

I Was Wrong

2009-12-05T21:35:00.003-05:00

Mr. Skittles went to storage and picked up our Christmas tree and decorations. We were in the middle of unpacking the boxes when the phone rang. I saw it was an 800 number so I didn't answer it.. thinking it was a telemarketer or something.

I was wrong. It was a recorded message from his job saying there's no work next week due to a parts shortage. He had JUST said a few hours earlier that there were no layoffs expected this month. I guess he forgot to knock wood.

It'll be nice having him home next week. We can sit around and talk about things like health savings accounts. (Or not.) The short check comes at a bad time, though. We'll be ok. It's just it's always nice to have a little extra instead of a little less this time of year, if ya know what I mean.

Anyway.. the tree is up. It's not decorated yet. We'll do that tomorrow. =)

Caption This Contest

2009-12-03T20:08:00.004-05:00

Hey boys and girls, it's time for a new installment of "Caption This."

Leave a caption for this picture. In a day or so I'll throw the submissions into a head to head vote and the winner will receive ~~bathroom lights~~ a fantastic fake prize handpicked by me!