Setting Her Free

Still Busy

2009-11-09T20:12:00.004-06:00

Just when I thought things slowed down, they got busy again at work and I lost all intentions of writing. But here I am again, hoping this is a slower week and that I can continue to post on a regular basis.

Im glad that things got busy at work again because it means there is work to do and I still have a job. I was put on a project and then taken off because I was so busy and you would think I would be happy that I would have less work to do, but it only caused me to worry even more about my job. To make matters worse, there was something screwed up in one of my databases which caused reports for my client to be incorrect, so now I wake up every day with this horrible feeling in my stomach that this error will cost me my job. It is a sorry state to be in because most people should go through their days feeling pretty ok with things, and I am constantly feeling ok and then suddenly feeling sick as I remember the situation I am in. Last week sucked, and I got like 2 days of exercise in. Better than nothing, but not what I wanted.

I did not have a very good weekend either in regards to food. Actually food was ok, it was the alcohol intake that was not. We went out to dinner with our closest friends who rarely get to come out due to their 5 year old, and I definitely drank away some of my stress. Not something I am proud of, especially after complaining to my friend and matron of honor about how the scale is not budging for me. Not that I do this all the time, but I have nothing to complain about when things like this happen. I guess I used to use food as a way to relieve stress and sometimes I still look for something else now that I dont turn to food anymore. Sometimes its nice to not have this chaos that is mealtime because at least I have one thing that is planned and structured and I know is healthy and good for me. So that is one positive in this post of negatives!

Returning to Normal

2009-10-28T18:16:00.002-05:00

Things in my life are returning to a semi-normal state. The large project I was working on the last several months ended, and now I dont have to work a 12 hour day every day which feels great! Unfortunately layoffs are still looming, so its hard to enjoy having less work because I am afraid it makes me look like I am not needed, so I have to try and stay busy and work later than Id want just so Im not a target. The stress of that alone is horrible, but at least for now, I still have a job.

Exercise is returning again in frequency too. I started the Jillian Micheals 30 day Shred which I am loving and feel that it gives a pretty good quick workout. I am glad that I have been keeping up with exercise as mcuh as I could over the last few months and at least my weight didnt go to all hell. I am on the higher end of the spectrum than Id want to be, mostly ranging from 158-160, but at least I can say that I maintained throughout all these months. It would have been easy to turn to food to cope with everything going on, but I was able to stick to healthy foods and exercise when it was possible. I cant really dwell on what I might weigh if I had been able to be diligent the last few months, but I was barely getting by emotionally and physically some days, so Im proud of what I was able to do. I feel like I went through some horrible battle and at least I came out alive. Too bad I have a wedding dress arriving in a few months and I wanted a thinner body ready for that, but hopefully this 30 day shred will help with that. Im surprised that doing that for the last 3 weeks has not caused me to drop any weigh. While I dont play into claims much, the case of the dvd does indicate that it can lead to up to a 20 pound weight loss. While I wouldnt expect 20 pounds (or really even want that), it would be nice to see SOME results. I could try and convince myself I am gaining muscle, but I dont really believe that is true. So you can see, Im still the clueless frustrated girl I always was!

Im sorry that I havent posted much the last few months. Im afraid it caused me to lose a lot of readers and its really too bad because I really enjoy reading the comments of my regular readers and the support they give. Ive tried to keep up with my google reader as much as possible and hopefully now I can get back into reading and posting more often.

Still Alive

2009-10-11T17:46:00.006-05:00

Im here and still breathing. I hate that I havent updated in a while, but I have been so busy the past few weeks that posting has been the last thing on my mind.

This is a weight loss blog so I am sure that anyone who still checks in on my wants to know how Im doing in that respect. Well to show just how busy I am, I barely even weigh myself anymore. Last time I did I was 158.4 which wasnt too bad. I struggle to find time to exercise, and am only averaging about 1-2 days a week still. I know I need to work on this, especially with a wedding in less than a year now, but I have about 1 hr to myself a day and thats usually spent eating dinner, making my lunch for the next day, paying bills,etc. and then fall into bed. I hate this feeling because I dont like putting a healthy lifestyle on the backburner. It starts to cause feelings of getting fat and I start to imagine that I am gaining weight. Thats why I did step on the scale the one evening, just to confirm that I wasnt. I had been out halloween costume shopping and every costume I tried on was so tight. I really wanted to be a flapper, and every dress was cut straight and not meant for someone with hips. Then I tried a devil costume on that was so tight in my stomach. I was about to give up and I finally found another devil costume, but the experience was horrible. I havent had to worry about fitting into things and now thats all I was experiencing. The feelings of self hatred and body issues were resurfacing, and its very difficult, especially with everything else going on in my life. I havent even had any time for wedding planning.

Speaking of wedding planning, my parents came into town a few weeks ago and were completely on my case about that. They were upset that I wasnt doing more (when clearly I have no time working 12 hr days every day), and my mom is starting to take over things and do them HER way, not with what I want. I got upset because this is my wedding and not hers, and I hate that she wants a wedding that matches her vision, and not mine. It was a very stressful weekend, and one that I didnt want.

Things at my job are horrible right now. We have laid off 5 people in the past 2 weeks, with more to come. Its ironic how I am so worried about losing a job that I hate. I have worked insane hours the past few months, enough to make myself sick, and now on top of this, Ive had to watch coworkers I care about get fired, and have to worry about my own job. While I hate my job, I dont want to get laid off before I find a new one since I am not in any position to be without a paycheck. The atmosphere around the office is horrible. Everyone walks around focused on the layoffs and not their jobs, and we all feel like it could be our last day at any moment. I feel sick every day I have to walk in there and face another day.

I have done a few fun things so my life isnt totally bad. I just wish the fun could balance out the bad since there seems to be way more stress than good times. For my fiance's birthday, we went to a Sox game and had great seats in the skybox:

I also went to the pumpkin farm this weekend with my fiance and had fun in the corn maze (even if it was SO cold outside). I also had a relaxing evening last night - my fiance made a fire, we played board games, and then watched the Blackhawks game under a blanket. One of his kitties even curled up on my lap.

So life isnt all bad - just busy and stressful with fleeting moments of happiness. Everyone keep your fingers crossed for me that I can hang on to my job (at least until I find a better one), get in some wedding planning, and lose some weight.

An update

2009-09-23T21:39:00.002-05:00

Yes I am still here - it definitely has been a while. I feel like I havent posted in forever. The good news is, I havent fallen off the bandwagon, but my life is just so stressful and crazy right now that I have had no time to write about anything. Basically my life consists of work, sleep, and more work. My job is seriously killing me, and every day is a battle to not just get up from my desk, walk away, and never come back. I honestly dont see how any of this is worth it. Sure I need a paycheck, but this is taking years off my life. I have no time for anything personal, wedding plans, or exercise. Im averaging about 1 or 2 days a week of actually getting some exercise in. I hate that, I feel like Im going to get really out of shape. I have been on track with my eating though, so thats at least one good thing. Im just trying to eat every few hours and drink lots of water to keep me going. I have no idea what I weigh - I weighed in a few weeks ago at 159 so at least Im still under 160. Lets hope thats still the case.

So thats whats going on with me. Im still trying to read everyones blogs, and hopefully at some point this will die down, and I can focus on my weight loss and health again.

This is why I get frustrated

2009-09-02T18:24:00.002-05:00

Up to 160 - this is why I get frustrated. Ive been eating right all week, have actually gotten back into the habit of exercising (2 days so far), and my weight goes up? Exercise + good food should equal weight loss. Not gain. This is so irritating. I have nothing else to report except for my irritation and frustration.

Monday quick one

2009-08-31T19:22:00.003-05:00

Just a quick check in - I am back to my regularly scheduled weighins. Down .4 from Friday which is good, but still a bit high (159.4). Definitely nearing TOM territory though so Im guessing that is probably why I feel bloated and my weigh is higher. Why does it feel like it is always TOM?

Saturday after dinner my fiance and I went for an hour long walk which was really nice. It was quite cool out which is rare for August, so we figured it would be a good night for a walk. The wind was pretty crazy which is typical for Chicago, but it felt really cold and my face was numb from the windburn. We walked around in the fields near his house which involves a lot of up and down hills and picking your feet up through the brush so it was a pretty decent workout if you could call it that. But it was nice - definitely something I would like us to continue doing once we are married. We will be one of those couples you see walking every night hopefully.

Not Sure (and some wedding dress pics!)

2009-08-28T16:57:00.006-05:00

I am not sure how I feel about this less frequent weighin. On one hand, its nice because I have enough stress with work that I dont need to get stressed out about the scale. On the other hand, it means there are more surprises like todays surprise which is that I am up to 159.8. What the heck? I feel like if I had weighed myself 3X this week, perhaps I would have seen what was going on. But to think I was probably back down to 157 like I was last week and then to see this, I was a bit shocked. I certainly didnt eat anything out of the usual. I did only exercise 1 day this week due to my 12 hour a day work days lately (except for today where I finished up and got the hell out of there), but thats how its been the past 2 weeks and it wasnt doing that. TOM is nearing but it seems too early to be bloated because of that. Oh well, who knows. I dont know if I like surprises...

In more positive news, I got my wedding dress!!! I went on Tuesday with my matron of honor and the sample was in, and I barely was in it and I already knew that it was the one. No decisions needed and I didnt even try the other dress on. While the sample dress was tight (as you will see from the back picture), I was completly shocked to find that it was a size FOUR. And I was in it. holy crap. Especially since they say wedding dresses are smaller. I definitely did not order a size four (a 10 actually), but it was a little boost to my ego that I could get in one. They took my measurements and you will love this - an 8 on top, 6 in the waist, and a 12 in the hips! Yup thats me, I have wide childbearing hips that are the largest part of me. I was pretty pleased that my waist was a 6. But its no wonder I have such a hard time finding clothes when Im different sizes all over. I tried on a veil and it just looked wrong, so I definitely decided not to go with a veil. I am planning on doing a nice hair clip or something like that. Anyways, heres a few pics. Ignore the weird looks on my face, I was so exhausted and it was 830 at night and I hadnt eaten dinner or anything yet. Now I just have to wait 5 months for my dress to come in!

Time for an update

2009-08-24T20:48:00.005-05:00

I feel like I have been away for a while! As you can see, the stress hasnt completely consumed me, but coming back from my 4 day weekend definitely resulted in a long work day and 170 emails to get through.

Focusing on the good, I had a wonderful time on my "romantic weekend" at Lake Geneva with my fiance. The weather wasnt as good as we had wanted since we did want to go on the waverunners like we did last year or at least lay by the pool in the sun, but it was rainy and quite cool. But we found other fun things to do like going to two wineries as well as a cheese shop where we got to try some of WI most delicious cheeses! I ate a lot of seafood and while I know I over indulged at times, I actually think I did really well. We were pretty active, getting a lot of walking and swimming in the indoor pool in. And mostly, it was just nice to relax. We went in the hottub every night and it felt great. I didnt get on the scale today, but its fine. I actually could still use a break from it. I weighed myself last Wednesday and was down to 157 again which was wonderful, so i think the less frequent weighins might be just what I need.

While in the hottub one night, there was a couple there and the woman was quite large. While getting out of the hottub, some younger girls in bikinis and a guy got in and started to make fun of this woman because of her size. They made comments like "how could that guy be with her?" and "how can you let yourself get that size?". It made me so angry. here was a woman who was spending time with her husband and enjoying herself and then had to endure comments like that. Especially from these girls who, very likely will gain weight when they go off to college (I heard them say they were 18). Its just sad that there are people like this out there - it really is a form of discrimination. They know nothing about this woman. For all we know, she could have already lost a bunch of weight or be working hard to get to her goal weight. Or maybe she is struggling - in any case, she doesnt deserve to be judged on her weight. It was just an eye opening experience and once that really bothered me and shows that you can be an ugly person at any size and wearing a bikini!

My sample wedding dress of dress #1 I posted last month is in and I go to try it on tomorrow and take my measurements! So excited!

Here are a few pics:

Im here

2009-08-17T20:28:00.002-05:00

Im here - barely. Work is out of control - I worked 12-14 hour days tuesday-friday, and the trend has continued into this week. I feel like everything is out of control. I have so much work to do that its impossible for one person to complete it, yet I feel alone and like no one at my work cares or wants to help out. My stress level is so high that I am making myself physically ill. I am supposed to go on vacation this week as well and right now I have no idea how that is even possible or how I would enjoy myself thinking of all that I have and need to do. I havent worked out, I dont know what I weigh.

Little by little

2009-08-10T19:31:00.002-05:00

Slowly but surely my weight is coming back down. I am down another 1.4 today from Friday, to 159. I am happy I am under 160 again, but what can I say, Im greedy and would like to see 157. TOM is a few days away so I know that doesnt help. Overall though, I feel better since I have a completely on plan weekend for the first time in 2 weeks. Something about staying in control and not starting the week feeling guilty about any choices I made helps my general mood with the weighin. My tummy (though bloated from TOM), does feel flatter than last week, and the good news is I will likely continue to go down during the week.

My stress level has not been good these past few weeks. Work is just insane, plus all of the wedding things that I need to do. I was getting angry because I was checking in on the sample dress they were bringing in of the one I found in PA, and they wouldnt return my phone calls. I get frustrated when I feel helpless. Its like, ok you will cash my check but not return my phone calls? I finally heard from them and its coming in next week, but it was just another source of stress that I didnt need. I would just like one stress free week please!

What Gives

2009-08-07T17:46:00.002-05:00

Im glad I didng weigh myself on Wednesday because I would have been correct in my assessment of being disapointed. I am disapointed today. Sure my weight is down almost 2 pounds from Monday, but its still over 160. What the heck? My food has been spot on all week. Ive even increased some of my water intake as well. Ive exercised 3 days this week so far which is a day less than usual, so Im really not sure what is going on. Last week I was really high and then really low on Friday. I was hoping for the same trend this week and so I have to ask myself what gives? whats going on that my weight is so high? Im not one of those people thats eating extra things or eating junk and then coming on here and acting like Im shocked. I truly dont understand what is happening. Nothing has changed and yet my weight is higher. Im watching what I eat and not letting any extras come into contact with my mouth. I appear to be doing everything right, yet my weight is not going back down. This is so frustrating. I have worked so hard to be where Im at and its just not happening. Grrr! that is a noise of anger and frustration. I know know, I always seem to have these entries lately which is probably why no one even reads my blog anymore. but this is the honest truth of weight loss and how much it really sucks!

Checking in

2009-08-05T19:13:00.002-05:00

Didnt weigh myself today which is rare for me, but I really dont want to get upset over the scale. Im sure my weight is down, but I worry that Ill get on and still be unhappy because its not down enough. Eating has been on track and Ive worked out twice so far this week which is good. I skipped my workout on Monday because I worked 11 hrs and just wanted to crash on the couch. But I worked out yesterday which is usually my rest day so I think I made up for that.

Lately Im getting bored with the EA Active, so I think I need to try and switch it up or find something new. Im still exercising, but I dont feel into it. I dont like that feeling and Ive had to push myself just to do it. I find myself thinking of myself when I was a lot larger, or how I might look on my wedding day, and it motivates me. But I still need something new to keep me interested.

I watched "More to Love" again last night, and this will probably be the last time I can take that show. Besides the fact that it is just bad television, I truly think its wrong in that some of these women already feel that they are in love with this guy, but its only because he is the first person who has been nice to them and treated them well regardless of their weight. Thats not a reason to love someone - because they can stand you - and I dont see how this can be healthy for any of the girls. This guy is comfortable in his own skin, and I think he needs a girl who is the same. Im just tired of hearing these girls complain about how no one has loved them or how much their weight has held them back. I know its rough, I have lived it. But at the same time, I didnt try and let that hold me back, and I certainly was never that desperate that I would do whatever I could for the first person that showed me some kindness. What a sad show! I guess by watching it I would have a lot to write about, but I dont think I can take it anymore!

Enough

2009-08-03T19:10:00.002-05:00

I have had enough of camping, and enough of the scale. This week isnt as bad, but not by much. Im back up to 162.2 which is another 4 pound gain. I actually did much better this weekend in terms of eating, which makes this weighin just ridiculous. I did have some steak in a shish kabob on saturday, but I have had steak before and not gained 4 pounds. I was pretty active - we took a lot of walks and swam some, so I guess I just have to attribute this to swelling. Unfortunately I got some more bites on my legs and they are swollen even more than they were last week. I never used to have this much of a reaction to bites before, but I guess my body likes to throw me off sometimes. I know I should just shrug this weighin off, know that Ill be back down just like I was last week, but Im just tired of getting on the scale and hating what I see.

I cant even report anything for July except a gain. This entire month I have been between 159 and 162. Definitely much worse than June and May where I was between 156-158. I know that I have had a lot of trips and parties that Im sure have brought me up temporarily, but its not like Ive gone out every weekend and every week night and stuffed myself silly. Ive been very active this month. Despite my work schedule picking up again, I still have maintained about 4-5 days of exercise in my schedule.

This weight is playing with my mind as well. I keep looking at pictures and thinking I look fat - that I can see the extra 4 pounds. I want to be losing weight for my wedding and instead Im gaining it and feeling horrible.

Into the Wild...again

2009-07-31T18:32:00.002-05:00

This will be a quick one since Im headed off to go camping again! After last weekend Im not quite as excited about this, but Im sure once I am there I will be glad to get away. I had a horrible day at work and Monday will likely be just as horrible, so I could really use some relaxation this weekend.

Happy to report the weight is 158.6 which is another 1.4 loss which gives me a 4 pound loss for the week. Most of the swelling is gone which the scale reflects. I definitely have learned my lesson - I am covering myself in DEET so the bugs leave me alone this weekend! I dont want any more bites or swelling.

Still up there

2009-07-29T17:22:00.003-05:00

Was hoping for a better weigh in today, but the weights still up there. Fortuntately it is down 1.4 from Monday, but still above 160. The good news is I definitely wasnt imagining my swelling. Monday night my legs continued to swell and they are still about 3X larger than usual. I definitely got some bug bites that were not mosquito bites, so clearly I was having a reaction. The swelling from my sunburn on my arms and shoulders went down so at least that probably accounted for that pound I lost. Tuesday I could barely get a tanktop over my shoulders because they were so huge that the shirt wouldnt stretch across them. It definitely messes with your mind because suddenly it felt like I was 226 again and that is NOT a good feeling. Now I just wish the swelling in my legs would go down. Not to be vain, but I was planning on wearing my swimsuit this weekend and now Im too embarrassed by the giant size of my legs and feet. I definitely have "cankles" going on right now.

On another topic, did anyone watch "More to Love"? I actually thought it was quite rediculous. Sure, its great to see some people who are not a smaller size on tv, but at the same time, I felt that many of them used their weight as a reason why they couldnt find love and that this show was their only hope. Now Im not saying its easy to find someone that loves you as you are, but I dont think that problem has anything to do with size. It may make it harder for some, but there are people out there who I think would love someone as they are and not care. I know I used to wonder if my fiance would have dated me if he met me when I was 226 rather than 135 as I was when we met, but what I do know is that when I was 226, he didnt leave me, didnt ever make me feel fat, and always made me feel beautiful. So it is possible and I just think this show places too much emphasis on how theres no one out there who wants to be with someone who is overweight. I think this show is just fluff, and would be more interesting and effective in getting a point across if there were both plus size and smaller sized girls, as well as men who were plus size and men who were not. Now that would be much more interesting!

Back from the wild

2009-07-27T17:58:00.002-05:00

I am back, and it definitely was wild. Friday we had to endure two huge storms with strong winds and lightning - one with hail, Saturday it was an air mattress that deflated leaving me feeling every single bump in the bed of the truck and not sleeping, raccoons swarming our site and opening our cooler, gross bugs, lots of bug bites, and a sunburn. All in all it was a fun time, but this was one of the more rough camping trips Ive had to endure. The lake itself was beautiful and I was disapointed that the beaches were flooded since we couldnt swim. We did a "nature walk" as they called it and that was a lot of fun and we saw some box turtles and deer along the way.

Now before I tell you my weight, I have to say that I did really well this weekend. I ate my fruit and stuck to the meals we brought. I did have two smores on Saturday night and an ear of fresh corn from the local famrers, but I kept my alcohol intake pretty limited, and I was pretty active what with all the walking around the trails. So I am sure you can imagine how shocked I am to get on the scale today and see 162.4. I wanted to cry. I havent been this high in....at least a year. I really dont get it. I do feel really swollen today from the bites and the sunburn on my arms and legs, but it just doesnt seem right that I gained like 4 pounds this weekend. I know the smores and corn werent the best things, but Ive had worse and not gained 4 pounds. It sucks - I feel like Im just going in the wrong direction and feel almost helpless. I know that I should just take a few days and wait and see if it comes down a lot once some of my swelling has gone down, but its a hard thing to see and live with. Now I am more concerned than ever to go away camping this weekend because I hate to see what the scale says next weekend. Just when it was starting to finally move down, this happens and it just makes me question everything Im doing. Im just trying to look past this, focus on the great time I had, and not let this get me down. It just sucks when you try hard to do whats right, allow yourself a few treats, and then you see something so disasterous that makes you regret it all.

Into the wild

2009-07-24T16:07:00.003-05:00

Leaving shortly to head off for my camping trip, but still had time for a quick weigh in. Im happy that Im down another 1.4 from Monday to 158.2 which gives me a 1.8 loss for the week. I guess the good thing to know is that when you stick to a healthy way of eating and exercise, if you do have a few days where you dont follow it and gain, just spending a few days recommitting will take that extra weight off fast. It just sucks when its weight that you have already lost. Now I just will need to remind myself of that this weekend when surrounded by all the snacks around the campfire....

Not much of an update

2009-07-22T18:57:00.003-05:00

Not much of an update here - thankfully I am down .6 from Monday which is a step in the right direction. I must admit that I am disapointed that its not more.

Ive worked out 4 days in a row this week, have been eating SPOT on. That is something to be proud of for sure, but I only wish that it would bring me back down on the scale. Sometimes it does baffle me that I was eating exactly like this and the scale showed 156 yet now it does 159. What gives? I wish I knew.

I was just hoping for a good loss, something to get under my belt before heading into the weekend so I could have a bit more confidence to avoid all the temptation. My friend has already told me all the wonderful things she is making and bringing and its going to be hard! However I did stop at the store today and picked up some fresh fruit to cut up and bring, so at least I get points for trying.

Time to Weigh in

2009-07-20T18:25:00.002-05:00

Ugh I really did not want to weigh in today. I had a feeling it wouldnt be good, and its not. Not to say that I ate really bad or anything over the weekend. Since last Tuesday I have been on track with food and exercise. But still, I havent weighed in in 2 weeks and some time away from the scale had me worried that some of my bad decisions would show, and indeed they have. I havent been 160 in quite some time and I seem to not be any where near 156 lately at all. Actually the last time I weighed 160 was January of this year. Not so good.

So I am disapointed with myself. I am disapointed I didnt work out during my trip. Im disapointed I ate some things i shouldnt have. Im disapointed that I didnt limit my portions at the brazillian steakhouse last Tuesday. If I had made the right choices in these scenarios, then I wouldnt be upset right now. The scale would reflect those right choices. It also scares me, because i see myself going in the wrong direction. On one hand it completely sucks that a few bad meals and the scale goes up this much which means that I can never really eat like a "normal" person. On the other hand it just goes to show that I need structure and to make the right choices all of the time because Im not someone that can have a few bad days and not see it affect me. Im going to just swallow the frustration, disapointment, and fear and just keep focusing this week on doing the best that I can. It doesnt help that I have camping this weekend and next weekend where there will be bad choices every which way. Sure Im bringing my healthy stash of food, but there will be temptations and a lack of routine, and I hate to let yet another week or even two go by and continue to see this on the scale. This isnt what Ive worked hard for months for, this isnt why I worked hard to get a good bathing suit body to only see it get mushy and fatty. I am just really angry at myself.

In other news, thanks for the comments about the last dress! It helps to know what people like about one dress or the other. Today after Ive gotten out of the moment, I find myself still drawn to dress #1. While I love both, when I think about it, I can really picture myself in the first dress. I felt more comfortable in it, and when I think about having to give up a dress, I find myself the most upset about not choosing the first dress. I also wouldnt change anything about it, while the dress that I posted yesterday I do find myself looking at certain aspects of the dress and wishing they were different. I guess thats my decision right there! I still plan on being objective and waiting for the first dress to come in so I can compare them side to side and maybe I will feel differently. But today, I think dress #1 is coming through the clear winner.

Decisions, Decisions

2009-07-19T18:48:00.004-05:00

This is another non-weight loss entry, but still exciting. I went and tried on more wedding dresses today with my matron of honor, and found another fabulous dress. I am still torn between this dress and the last dress, so they are going to order the dress that I posted previously, and then I can try them on side by side. But if you commented on the last dress, let me know what you think about this one! Which one do you like better? My only concern with this dress is that it makes my butt look a little bit bigger because the back comes down more with more fabric. I also tried a veil on and it looks nice.

Avoiding

2009-07-13T19:21:00.007-05:00

I am back and avoiding the scale. I have a feeling I probably wouldnt like what I see on it. Thats not to say that I went crazy on my trip. I was super busy most days and didnt sit around and snack or eat things I shouldnt, however I did go out to eat several times, and I did eat a few things that probably were not the best choices. I also didnt get any exercise in (aside for any walking I did), and that doesnt help things. So for the meantime, I am going to avoid the scale until I can get things back on track. I know any gain I would see is temporary (and TOM is also hitting me) and I would rather just think back on my trip with good thoughts rather than regrets.

I had a wonderful time in PA. The wedding dress shopping was so much fun, and Im still thinking about that dress so I have a feeling that it will become THE dress. We also drive to Ohio and went to a really cool "safari" type of place called The Wilds. Its much better than a zoo in that the animals are out there in the open rather than stuck in cages, and you can get so close to them. I will post a few pics below. It was a really fun time, and my vacation went by WAY too fast. I will be ready for my next on in August.

Busy busy busy at work this week catching up, but Im just going with it, eating on track, and exercising all I can, and hopefully I can get back into my routine again. Unfortunately I have another dinner planned for tomorrow night with some coworkers so Im sure that will through my healthy eating plan for a loop, but Ill do the best I can like always.

Hello from PA (and a dress pic)

2009-07-09T16:21:00.004-05:00

Hello from PA! Just had to post a few pics of one of the wedding dresses I tried on today that I LOVE. It seems a bit early to say that it might be THE one, but I think it might be. I tried on several other dresses, but I just cannot get this one out of my mind. Enjoy! (and all I have to say is, Im wearing a bridal corset under my clothes every day since they make you look so thin! lol)

Not Going So Well

2009-07-06T18:42:00.002-05:00

Things with me and the scale lately have not been going so well. I am down today to 159.2 but considering I usually am around 156-157, I hate to see that 159. True, I have eaten more in the last few days than I normally would, but its not as if I have been eating unhealthy or not getting any exercise in. To make things more frustrating, I took my measurements and not only have I not lost any inches, but I have actually gained inches in my arms. Now I realize that it is likely the muscle I am building up because I have noticed a nice difference in my arms since I started using the resistance band. However, this is just so frustrating! How can a person eat healthy, exercise, and never lose weight or inches? I dont get it.

I did have a fun weekend and had a great time at the Taste of Chicago. We got a lot of walking in since we took the train and then walked a mile to the park. Between walking around the park and another mile back to the train, I got a lot of walking in and it felt really good. Probably helped to burn off the extra food I ate although I did enjoy that this year they provided some of the food in "taste" portions which are smaller than a normal portion. The fireworks were great, and I enjoyed watching the sun go down in Grant Park with the city skyline around me. The 4th was also nice and despite some rain, we got to see some more fireworks. Overall I ate really well and filled up on fresh fruits and veggies. If only the scale would reward me for that!

Well this will be my last weighin for the week since Wednesday I am off to PA to visit my parents. I am looking forward to some time away from work, and my mom and I are going to visit some bridal stores on Thursday so that means I will get to try on dresses! SO excited about that. Hopefully it is a good experience - I have spent too many hours in dressing rooms in the past hating how I looked and not finding anything that fits. Wish me luck!

Brave

2009-07-01T19:12:00.002-05:00

I had to decide today if I wanted to be brave and face the scale. I knew it probably wouldnt be good, but sometimes Im surprised. Unfortunately it was not good and I felt a lot of my bravery disappear, but I can deal with it.

I am up to 159.6, BUT before you worry that I have gone off the wagon, do not fear. As the large project I have been working on at work for the past 7 months has wrapped up, the presidents o fthe company threw a party for me and the other 3 people on my team (and some others that helped out) to say "thanks". It was a really nice time - the head senior consultant on the project gave us each a bottle of wine and a thank you card which was nice since most consultants dont ever really care about the work that you do. The not so nice part was that the party was held at a mexican restaurant and we were not able to order what we wanted. They selected some appetizers and small meals for us to all share and then we could have unlimited giant margaritas. And chips and salsa of course! So you can see that I consumed absolutely nothing of nutritional value and a whole load of salt. I woke up this morning so dehydrated and feeling like absolute crap, so it just goes to show that your body WILL pay you back when you put some things in it that its not used to.

Despite it all, it was a nice time and Im glad that I got to enjoy myself. The three others on my team and I all feel like war buddies so it was nice to kick back, bitch about the project, and have fun together. I hate what the scale says and I hate that this is how I have to bring in the new month, but it happened and its over, and perhaps things will be better by the end of the week.

I wish I could say that my eating will get better this week, but not only am I going to a party on Saturday for the 4th, but my fiance and I are going to the Taste of Chicago on Friday, which is basically just a big food orgy for anyone that doesnt know what it is. All the delicious Chicago restaurants and food vendors show up and put their best food on display and you walk around Grant Park eating and drinking. Its a fat person's heaven and I havent been in years. Im not too concerned because I definitely dont eat like I used to, but its hard to go to something that celebrates food and not enjoy yourself either. Mostly Im just going to hang out in my beautiful city on my day off, and then enjoy the fireworks at night. See, I guess it is possible to go to a food festival and not just go for the food.

100th Week

2009-06-29T19:29:00.003-05:00

I hit my 100th week of eating healthy and losing weight. If you are the 100th customer in some stores, you win a prize. I guess my prize would be that after 100 weeks, I am still healthy and going strong and my healthy habits more a part of my life than ever.

Unfortunately I have to report that my weight is up 1.2 today and Im not really sure why. Nothing out of the ordinary this weekend was consumed and I got in my usual amount of exercise. Lately it seem like my weight has been a bit higher than it was and Im not sure why. I will have to try and figure that out and look back through past weeks. My stress level the past few weeks has been really high so I would imagine that probably plays a big part in how the scale reacts too.

I completed my 30 day challenge through the EA Active which is pretty awesome. It was a good challenge full of lots of types of exercises, so now I am just excited to take my measurements this weekend and really see some changes. I may even go back and do the challenge again at a harder level (I did it on medium) now that Ive completed it once.