Ranavan's Journey To Ethiopia

Definition of Torture

2009-11-15T07:51:00.003-07:00

Merriam Webster says the definition of torture is:

Main Entry: 1tor·ture
Pronunciation: \ˈtȯr-chər\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French, from Old French, from Late Latin tortura, from Latin tortus, past participle of torquēre to twist; probably akin to Old High German drāhsil turner, Greek atraktos spindle
Date: 1540
1 a : anguish of body or mind : agony b : something that causes agony or pain
2 : the infliction of intense pain (as from burning, crushing, or wounding) to punish, coerce, or afford sadistic pleasure

Uh, ya - No. 1 is what happens when you are STILL waiting to hear if you have a court date!

Our Boy is a Fighter

2009-11-09T16:31:00.005-07:00

We found out this afternoon that our wee boy was in the hospital again over the weekend.

Fighting pneumonia again.

He is a fighter! Our boy is a fighter.

We are told he is doing well since he got his meds and is now back in the foster home.

But we are worried and scared.

This is why I have been such a basket case lately (if you hadn't noticed)!

Since the first time we found out he was in the hospital back in August...his getting sick again has been a constant worry.

Our wee man is tiny! He is 10 months old and weighs around 15lbs...tiny!

But he is a fighter!!!

My anxiety level is now absolutely operating at LEVEL 5! That is high! Right Sandi and Cheryl!

We have been told court application has been made! This is good!

What would be even better is an actual date. We may have that too....but they aren't 100% on that so won't commit...

WE. NEED. A. COURT DATE.

Please!!

Our son, our little fighter...he needs to be home with us.

Can Someone Tell Me Why...

2009-11-08T15:51:00.009-07:00

...when you do your best to park in a grocery store lot (insert any parking lot you want here) in a stall as straight as possible..some turkey has to wing in beside you (while you are in the store) and park willy nilly on a crazy angle. In doing so, they park so close to your driver side door making it impossible to open...let alone get into your car!!

Why. Would. You. Do. This.

Seriously..I am in a mood people. Don't you know that! A MOOD!

It is a good thing I wasn't there when they parked or I would have given them the look...you know...

THE LOOK!

It's true - I would have!

And then I would've walked right over to the passenger door and crawled across the seats to prove my point to you!

Sheesh!

Ah ha ha ha

2009-11-07T07:46:00.001-07:00

I found the cure to what ails me...

2009-11-04T20:48:00.004-07:00

...and it's called the XYLOPHONE!!

Seriously, I didn't know what sweet, sweet notes could ooze forth from this musical invention.

Until tonight when we went to see the Afro Cuban All Stars!

All that lovely, latin jazz had us groovin' and shaking our money makers to the beat of the drums.

But it was the Xylophone that got me from the moment it said "hello"!

Since there aren't many folks who play the xylophone I figure I could be the next big sensation!!!!

I think people around the world will pay money to see me plonking away.

What? It could totally happen...you are laughing now but you won't be when you see my smiling face on the T.V. as I give Gloria Estafan a run for her money!

Humour me people - I need to have a little something to take the edge off!

*Edit - I didn't really buy a xylophone and am not likely too..I'll stick to my day job..it is in everyone's best interest :) but I tell ya, I just didn't know the xyhophone could sound so good mixed with the Cuban beats. It really was cool.

O.k. wait - I actually might buy one Xylophone! This one for Ade:

How cute is that!!! Thanks June for the link.

Sometimes...

2009-11-02T08:07:00.006-07:00

...I just don't have anything to say! Believe me it doesn't happen often - I am a talker but right now...I got nothing.

I could continue to be the broken record I have been lately

and whine and complain about how we still don't have a court date. I know, it has only been 3 months since we got our referral (yes, 3 months) but we have not heard one word.

But I know you don't want to hear that...it is getting old and boring...I even bore myself with it.

I could tell you about how my heart is breaking into little pieces more everyday as we wait longer and longer to find out if our son will officially be our son.

but you have also heard that!

So, I haven't had much to say lately.

I am hoping that will change one day soon.

Congrats Ramona and Linc

2009-10-23T14:31:00.002-06:00

Ramona and Linc got word they had a court date and passed - they are now officially P & M's parents and a family of 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They have a private blog but I wanted to give them my congrats because Ramona has been a great friend during this crazy ride :)

And we all need great friends to help us get thru this.

CONGRATULATIONS FAMILY OF 6!

4:42 A.M...

2009-10-23T07:01:00.004-06:00

...is the time it was when I woke up this morning.

Wondering.... worrying...running thru the different scenarios in my head...

When will this end?

What if this happens?

Or that happens?

When we will hear anything ?

Willing myself to stay positive...

I am tired.

I need some sleep.

I would like to get that sleep now because I know it might be lacking a bit once he comes home.

Doesn't seem like it's going to happen....

4:42 A.M.

Congratulations to Steph and Hazel!

2009-10-22T13:31:00.003-06:00

Congratulations seem to be the order of the day...big news on the referral and court front this week.

The ever-so-lovely Steph and her family have a new addition - a beautiful 4 year old daughter...go wish them well.

My dear, sweet friend Hazel also got the best news today too....

She is officially Biset's mommy!!!! Yahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! She passed court!Ya better give her soome love too!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!

I love good news :)

Congratulations Lyndsey and Kevin!

2009-10-22T09:29:00.003-06:00

Who got a referral yesterday....after waiting a really, really, really, really long time!

Go HERE now and say CONGRATULATIONS!

Canadian Police Chase in Winter

2009-10-18T09:25:00.004-06:00

O.k. so this is a commercial for Midas - for those of you who read my blog and don't know what a real Canadian winter is like - this is a funny representation!

And yes, we do change our tires out from summer tires to winter tires up here!

We also have to plug our cars in when it gets really cold to be sure the engine etc. doesn't freeze!

and for those of you who live in Canada and get it - well -it will make you giggle!

Ha, ha ha...wait - why do I live here again?

See This Guy

2009-10-17T08:31:00.008-06:00

He is my husband.

He will be an AMAZING dad.

Because he makes me laugh.

And I bet he just made you laugh.

I found this on my lap top when I was looking for some photos - didn't know they were there...but it made me laugh and it made me love him even more.

He will be an AMAZING dad and I can't wait!

P.S He has no clue I posted this photo so....shhhhh!

Fall Blues

2009-10-14T14:41:00.007-06:00

Fall has descended or rather, I should say, left the building altogether.

It tried but winter was in a hurry and decided to come early. Early enough that we didn't even get to enjoy the beauty of fall as the leaves turn from green to golden hues and warm, red tones.

I love fall! It is my favourite time of year - going for long walks in the neighbourhood with Yvan and the dogs. Watching the darkness creep up and the light from the homes on our street glowing as the day gives way to the night.

We haven't been able to take our dogs for walks in the evening because it is too cold for their little Chihuahua feet and really, it is too cold for me too even though this is just the beginning of winter.

I was talking to a friend today and we were commiserating with one another about how long this winter will be if we are already into the cold, snowy weather and it is only the middle of October. This is only made worse by the fact we had probably one of the coldest and rainiest summers on record.

At least even in the summer you can get out, see friends, barbecue and keep busy.

Here where we live, once winter hits it is much harder to get out, socialize, and just plain keep yourself busy.

Winter gives you the luxury (take note of the sarcasm here please) of staying inside and cuddling under a blanket watching people bundled up against the cold as they rush past our house to some unknown destination.

Where are they going anyways when they could just stay inside?

It is the time of year when people are done with summer holidays and back to work and life as they know it. You see people less because honestly, here where we live, you just don't want to go outside if you don't have to.

Because of the sudden onslaught from winter and the missed opportunity to enjoy fall, I find myself feeling particularly sad.

I was hoping winter would come later so I could keep my mind off the wait for a court date but Mother Nature is not cooperating very well and let's be honest - neither are the courts in Ethiopia which just opened Monday instead of a week earlier.

I foolishly believed this part of the wait would be easy. I thought the wait to referral was so emotionally draining it really couldn't get much worse.

I was wrong, it is worse.

But in an entirely different way. We have seen the beautiful, brown eyes of our son and heard him laugh, coo and even burp thanks to some wonderful people who brought us back video of our wee boy. We can't even put into words how much we appreciate them for doing this for us.

We are missing so much with him - I want to hold him, hug and kiss him. Be the one to feed, change and cuddle him to sleep.

An intense longing has set in and it feels as though a part of me is missing. We haven't yet met him, but we know he is ours and meant to be part of our family.

We are starting to get ready to get the nursery ready - just starting with other things in order to be able to get the room done but we won't be sharing photos of the nursery until after court so you will have to be patient. But it just seems as if it will be a long time before he is home sleeping in his room.

I have some good friends who have been waiting 5 and 6 months since referral for a court date and they are so inspiring to me. They are kind and gracious and listen to me ramble about how hard I am finding this torturous wait even though they have been waiting longer. I know they are feeling it even more intensely than I am.

I wanted fall and winter to go by quickly so we could bring baby home but that didn't mean I wanted winter to come so early. Because all winter coming early will do is make the wait seem even longer.

Waiting for our son to come home, to be snuggled up in our house with us, is hard.

The hardest thing I have ever done.

So if you live where I live and you feel the same and need some company to help pass the time, give me a call I could use a hug and a visit over a cup of Chai tea!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-10-11T11:05:00.002-06:00

AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

2009-10-06T10:50:00.002-06:00

That is how I am feeling today!

Did courts open? Or are they closed for another week?

If they are open has anyone gotten court dates yet?

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Um, ya referral high has definitely crash landed into anxiety about getting our wee boy home!

NOW!!!

This is it....Celebrity Sighting!!!!

2009-10-01T08:55:00.016-06:00

Ha! Hilarious! I was wondering how you would all take me postponing the "celebrity sighting"!

Had to make you squirm a little :)

No Rhonda, it wasn't Jerry Springer - I wouldn't even post if I had seen him...I would have run the other way!

Sarah was right!

After having spent the day walking over the Brooklyn bridge and back and then thru Chinatown and Little Italy we wandered into Soho.

Now you should know that these areas are all fairly close together - Manhattan is smaller than you think geographically because it is built upwards. Skyscrapers are abundant and this is where everyone lives - up in the sky or in brownstones.

We had just stopped for a coffee/tea break and then headed out to roam some more. We stopped at the APPLE store (Travellers Tip - if you are in a city that has an APPLE store this is a good place to stop, if it is convenient, to check email, blogs, message boards or whatever for free. All their computers have Internet access)

But I digress - we had just left the store and were wandering around thinking about where we would eat for supper when we came across a plethora (that's right a plethora) of black suburbany type vehicles and trailers as well as a large crowd of people.

Well, being the curious types we are we decided to see what was up and being the shy person I am, I walked right up to someone and said "What's going on? Why is everyone standing around?"

They said "Sarah Jessica Parker is in the trailer. They are filming Sex and the City 2 and we are all waiting for her to come back out."

"Reeeeeaaaaaally!!!!!" I say and whip my camera out faster than you can say "Boo". I love Sex and the City, and my sis-in-law loves it even more so I knew I had to get some photos if I could.

We stood there for about 15 minutes and were just about to leave when a commotion happens down the block and…...

Cynthia Nixon a.k.a Miranda Hobbes walks by

She wasn't very smiley or pleased to see the fans it seems.

We wait a little longer and are kept amused by the waiting crowd. Every so often someone comes out of the trailer and the crowd goes "oooooooooooooh" and when it isn't Sarah they all would go "aaaaaaawwwwwwwww!"

Too funny!

Then she did come out - and she was lovely taking the time to say "Hi" and wave to everyone and pose for a couple of photos. Then she left to go to set and the crowd swarmed after her so we followed the crowd because they amused us.

Sarah Jessica Parker a.k.a Carrie Bradshaw

Right around the corner is where they are filming a scene for the new movie. So we hung for a bit with the rest of the folks...and....

Kristin Davis a.k.a Charlotte York strolls by with her bodyguard.

Next up Kim Catrall a.k.a Samantha Jones arrives.

Let me tell you...the women in the crowd ( and it was mostly women) squealed with excitement when she came by...actually squealed!

The Paparazzi snapping the celebs! Don't they seem pleased with themselves.

We thought we might stay for a while to watch a scene being filmed but they shooed us away like little flies! Oh and we happened to talk to a fellow who lived in the area and he asked us what was going on. When we told him he said "oh $%^@, I am so annoyed by those girls...I mean they bring good business to the city but how would you like it if your street was constantly being shut down for shooting and you had tourists and paparazzi hanging outside of your apartment all day!"

Point taken! We did make sure to tell him we had just stumbled across this and it wasn't the reason we had come to New York...seemed to make him happier and he wished a pleasant time in NY.

New Yorkers, you gotta love 'em. They are definitely honest!

P.S. If you click on the pictures they as Cinn says "Embiggen"

Court Opens Soon

2009-09-30T09:14:00.007-06:00

As in Monday, October 5!

We don't have a court date yet.....

I am really handling this wait in a completely different way from pre-referral wait.

I actually quit chewing my fingernails after we got Ade's referral.

But I have started again in the last couple of weeks.

I am definitely internalizing this wait...

You will know I am doing this if when you see me I am staring off into space and my lips are moving ever so slightly. Yvan tells me I do this when I am in deep thought....which I'm in a lot lately.

So, if we are talking and I zone out it is because I am wondering the following things simultaneously:

1. When we will get a court date?
2. Will we have to wait a long time to get one?
3. Will we hear about our date right away?
4. Will we pass on the first try?
5. I wonder if all the paper work is in order?
6. What is Ade doing right now?
7. Will we be good parents?
8. What color should we paint his room?
9. When will they tell us about about our court date?
10. What type of crib should we get?
11. Will I ever get over my fear of purchasing diapers?
12. Will Ade look at us and cry because he knows we have no clue about being parents?
13. When we will get a court date?
14. When we will get to travel to Ethiopia?
15. and it goes on, trust me it goes on, and on like this.

So, I have taken to chewing my fingernails again. I have also been getting cold sores...which I haven't gotten in a long, long time...these are usually stress induced and is a good indicator to me about how much I am stressing about court and didn't even know it.

Posting about our trip to New York has been a good distraction...it keeps me from boring you with awful nail chewing and repeated pondering of "When will we get a court date?" Although I am sure some of you are bored of our New York photos but it is good therapy for me.

Well, I have to go and pretend to do something...but really all I will be doing is wondering:

1. When will we get a court date?
2. Will we have to wait a long time?
3. Will we hear about our date right away?
4...oh wait I already did this.....

Sigh!

Chelsea, West Village and Greenwich Village

2009-09-29T08:40:00.021-06:00

We spent Sunday in Chelsea, West Village and Greenwich Village.

These 3 areas were probably our favourite areas in Manhattan. They are funky, artsy, eclectic and laid back. We took the subway to Chelsea and walked from here thru the Meat Packing district to West Village and Greenwich.

We did a lot of walking! A lot! But it was worth it.

This is the Chelsea Market.

It is an indoor gourmet food market - in the upper floors of the building are studios and many of the Food Network programs are filmed here.

The Highline - an old railroad track built in the 1930's above the streets. In the last few years, it has been developed into a natural grassland park with benches. Eventually you will be able to walk on this old track all the way from the Meat Packing District up to Hell's Kitchen. Very cool! In a city that is a concrete jungle, this is a very nice getaway.

Yvan and his favourite building

Parking anyone? Yup, this is parking...and to get the car on the top...you got to move both cars below and then put them back again...it only costs about $34 per half hour! Yikes!

Uh, would you like a helicopter to go with your yacht. Why yes! Yes, I would!

Seriously, whose is this? And this was small compared to some of the ones parked at Chelsea Pier!

More of The Highline - cool that it actually goes thru buildings hey!

A little fashion shoot in the Meat Packing District (no, this is not the celebrity sighting...that comes tomorrow)

Groovin' in the village on Bleecker Street

Chillin' in Washington Square Park

Jazzin' it up!

Music, music, music everywhere!

View of the Empire State Building from our hotel room at night!

We were so tired after our day we crashed early!!!

But not before we ate some delicious Mexican food in the village :)

World Trade Center and Lady Liberty

2009-09-28T08:50:00.023-06:00

On Saturday we decided to head down to the Financial District and Lower Manhattan.

We strolled thru the streets making our way to the World Trade Center site.

You use to be able to go right up to the site but now they have started to rebuild.

You can go here to see what they are working on.

Standing at this site was thought provoking. Over the previous couple of days there had been a lot of footage played from the day the attacks happened. Much of which we had seen, a lot of it from the day of the attacks, and subsequently over the years.

But when you stand at the site and you look up and imagine those towers and surrounding buildings...what they must have been like....how tall those towers really were...and you see the size of the WTC grounds....

....then you see the images in your mind of the horror that took place that day...the lives lost... you see the flowers, notes and cards left by families and friends who lost loved one...it takes your breath away.

St. Paul's Chapel - across the street from the WTC

Statue of Liberty

View of Ellis Island

View of lower Manhattan from the Lady of Liberty

*EDIT* - I forgot to write about our Saturday night!!!

We went to see a Broadway musical - A real, live Broadway Musical!!! In the theatre district...by crazy, insane, bright, crowded Times Square.

First we went for supper at the oldest Indian restaurant in New York City. It was on the second floor of a very narrow, slanted building. It was highly recommened to us and after we got used to the sensation of sitting on an angle -I kid you not the slant to the place was hilarious....we had one of the best Indian meals ever!!!

Then we ran over to the Al Hirschfield theatre (if you know us you know we are almost always late for everything!) to see HAIR the Musical!

It was amazing! The best Musical I have ever seen. The talent of the cast was amazing and it was so interactive...they kept coming out in to the audience singing and dancing and jumping on chairs.

Yvan even really liked it and he does not really dig the musicals. I did woo him with the idea that there would be a tad bit of nudity in the show which always helps :)

I think the people behind us who talked thru the entire first half didn't like the nudity - they didn't come back for the second half much to our relief.

New York City

2009-09-25T09:49:00.022-06:00

Yvan and I decided to have one last HURRAH as a couple sans kids...and because of wicked seat sales...we chose to go to

NEW YORK CITY!!!!

We absolutely fell in love with this city. You always hear people saying "New York is the greatest city on earth"...well they are pretty much bang on. I can say for me it was one the best cities I have ever visited..Yvan would probably say the same.

I have never visited a place so alive...you can feel it, see it, hear it, smell it! It is hard to put it in words so photos will have to do.

So, we took a ton of photos - it will take some time for me to post some of our favourites (there are a lot) and you might not want to see them all and if you want you can skip those posts feel free but there are some gooders and there will be a HUGE celebrity sighting (actually celebrities) that I think some will want to gander at....turns out I blend in quite well with the Paparazzi - ha!

We stayed in the Garment District -across the street from Madison Square Gardens and 2 blocks from Macy's. We were 2 or 3 blocks from 2 different subway lines and we used them a lot!!! The subway rocks!!!

Here is our trip! I think everyone should visit this city at least once!

Thursday night (arrival day)

View from the Empire State Building

A must see - especially at night - it really helped us get oriented and know what was where.

Lobby of the Empire State Building

September 11 - very sobering to be in New York on this 8th Anniversary. When we were getting ready in the morning we were watching the names being read down at the WTC. We didn't go - it was raining and we didn't want to be the tourists taking photos of people in mourning and rememberance.

There was a fire hall (Hook and Ladder 24) around the corner from our hotel and a Franciscan church across the street from the hall.

This photo was taken right after the service they had to honour the lives lost that day.

It was raining so we decided to hit a museum....hopped on the subway and ta da!

Natural Museum of History.

This place - HUGE - it could take you days to see it all - we spent a couple/three hours here and just visited the exhibits we really wanted to see.

We ended our day by going to see a taping of "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon". For some reason we decided to walk the 20 blocks to Rockafeller Plaza where the NBC Studios are located. On a nice day it would be a lovely walk but it was raining hard and it was rush hour (which is why we walked too hard to get a cab). After a couple of umbrella blow outs we arrived - soaked!! They keep the studios quite cold because of the lights for the stage but we still enjoyed ourselves immensely.

Jimmy Fallon is AWESOME and nice to look at - his guest that night was Russell Brand.

That guy. Hilarious! We laughed our @#%#@ off!

Then we headed out for some of New York's best Italian - sigh!

The food in New York - Amazing! We ate a lot!

Panic is setting in....

2009-09-22T08:53:00.010-06:00

We got our travel preparation package yesterday. (No we don't have a court date yet)

Most of the stuff in the package is stuff we already know. The travel side of things anyways as we travel a lot.

However, the baby side of things....well, we need some work on that.

It's not that I don't think we can do it!

I know we can but when you read the list of things you need for baby....OY! It makes my head hurt.

Seriously folks, I get all sweaty and nervous whenever I walk into the diaper aisle...kinda like this:

Do you know how many types, sizes, shapes and smells diapers come in!?

A LOT!!!!

Not to mention bottles!!!

And don't even get me started on nipples!!!

So, I ordered this book:

"The Mother of all Baby Books: An All-Canadian Guide to Your Baby's First Year"

I have ordered all the prerequisite books on attachment and bonding...but I had yet to order a book about the ins and outs of life with a baby.

The reason being was that all the books are geared towards families who have raised a baby from birth.

This is obviously not our case as our son will be a year or more when we bring him home.

But as I sat on the airplane last week, I became acutely aware of all the families with babies also travelling. I watched these mothers with great interest as they balanced baby, toys, snacks, bottles, diapers all while seated in a space that most people can hardly cross their legs in let alone have to share said seat with a wriggly, exploring, pooping, eating, drooling, smiling, cooing, cute-as-a-button baby.

I wondered how these mothers were such pros and where did they learn it from? Well, I know part of it is just intuitive...the mother's natural instinct...part of it is trial and error with many pulling-out-of-the-hair moments I am sure, but also those mothers probably read some too.

So, I sucked it up and ordered the book because it is probably wise that we get acquainted with the stages our son has been thru, is going thru right now and will be at when we go and get him. (I also have to admit that I read on a wise woman's blog who is not a Mother Failure what she wished she had done more of and reading books on babies one was of them - thank you for that invaluable piece of advice)

My mom has suggested a couple of times, very nicely I might add, that some parenting classes might be a good idea. I mean it is true...we should take them...we have been living the baby free life for a while now.

Again it has been one of those things where we worry we will be the only ones in the class either:
A.) Not visibly pregnant

B.) Without kids at home to vent about and use as examples during these parenting classes.

C.) Looking completely dazed and confused (not mention sweaty and nervous)

D). All of the above.

So, I will suck it up and start looking again for some classes - only now we know we have a timeline of sorts not like before we had the referral when we had no clue as to how long things could take. We still don't know how long exactly things will take but we know it won't be as long as our wait for our referral (touch wood).

So, over the next few months I will post here asking you all for advice on what kinds of diapers, formula, snack foods, bottles (and the dreaded nipples), sleeping advice, potty training advice (and who knows what else).

Because I know it takes a village to raise a child and you, my lovelies, are my village :)

P.S. If anyone wants to take advantage of some free babysitting services give us a call..we could use hands on practice.

P.P.S. I also need some personal shoppers - so if anyone wants to spend a day breaking me out of my paralysis of fear when I hit the diaper aisle....let me know...lunch will be on me!

Hello!

2009-09-18T09:52:00.002-06:00

We were gone away for a little while..but now we are back.

and let me tell you what a homecoming we received...new photos AND video!!

You should have seen the tears at our house last night!!!

More to come when we are recovered from our holiday :)

Uber Cute! Like Really Cute! Too Cute For Words!

2009-09-06T08:35:00.007-06:00

Those are the words our friends have used to describe our baby boy!!!

Lisa and Jason and Jenn and Dave are in Ethiopia picking up their sweet kids and they got to see Ade!!!

Jenn's email yesterday morning had me crying tears of joy! I actually scared Yvan when I yelped very loudly when I saw the email from Jenn in my inbox with the title "Your Son is Amazing!"

Oh, my heart is busting! I can't wait to get over there and see him FOR MYSELF!!

They said he entertained them with his smiles and giggles and he is a healthy weight and saw no signs of him being sick anymore. He didn't play shy at all :)

That's our boy! Outgoing like his momma and entertaining like his poppa!!

Oh I get all teary-eyed just writing this post!!

I am so happy our agency allows families who are picking up their kids to see other families kids who are in the foster home!

Lisa would have given Ade his care package - which means so much! He won't know he is looking at his future parents in the photo album we sent but some how just knowing he has it - well.....it makes me feel that much more connected to him.

Thank you to Jenn and Lisa for taking time to see our boy and to email us with a much anticipated update!!

Much love,

Rana
-I am a giant pile of love again this weekend

Update on Ade

2009-09-03T10:58:00.005-06:00

We just got news that Ade is doing much better today and has been transferred back to the Foster home!!!

The foster home administrator was very pleased at how well he was responding to treatment...he will be getting 5 injections of antibotics, one each day for the next 5 days!

We are relieved but still so anxious!!!

Baby boy we can't wait to get you home!!!

Thank you to everyone for your kind words, prayers and positive energy!! It is working - keep it coming!

Vulnerable...

2009-09-02T15:08:00.009-06:00

...that is how I would describe this next part of our wait.

The first part, the waiting for a referral bit, was stressful because it took so long and it seemed like it might never happen.

Then it did!

And we saw our son's face for the first time.

We both carry pictures with us to show people

To look at whenever we want.

We have photos of him around our house so we can gaze into his gorgeous big, brown eyes and dream of the day we are holding him in our arms.

I don't think either of us feel stressed anymore or at least it is a different kind of stress - preparation stress.

We are relieved to know who are son is.

Excited to see how he will fit into our life with us and how we will fit into his.

But vulnerable, because now we know him.

We love him!

He is ours!

You don't realize how much you love this little person until you get a phone call saying he is sick and has been taken to the hospital and they aren't sure what is wrong just that he wasn't himself.

The love, it washed over us both and the fear that we might lose this little guy before we even got to meet him brings tears of worry, sadness and anxiousness.

We feel vulnerable while we wait by the phone for an update - an afternoon and an evening pass...the morning comes and we get the news we hoped we would hear....

He is improving but still not sure what is wrong.

More answers will come tomorrow.

The next day comes and we are told he has improved even more and they know he has pneumonia and are treating him for it.

Vulnerable because we can't be there to hold his hand.

Let him know we love him.

Hug him and cuddle him and tell him he will be alright!

Helpless because there is nothing we can do from here.

Thankfully he is the hands of people who care!!! They are doing everything they can to make sure he is taken care of and loved for us.

We were handling the wait to bring him home well, it had only been a month since we saw him for the first time...we thought it won't be so bad...this wait to bring him home.

But now...all we want is to bring him home tomorrow!

Vulnerable because we have to be patient and know that he is doing much, much better but still yearning to be with him.

Vulnerable because we know, so far, we are lucky...he is alive.

Vulnerable when we hear the news of another family whose sweet baby boy didn't make it. We send that family our deepest condolences and heartfelt sympathies because no one should ever have to go through that. Losing a child. Beyond comprehension.

The love we have for our children before we even meet them...that love! Is very strong!!!

Until he is safe and sound in our arms...the next few months will have us feeling vulnerable.