There Aint no Sanity Clause

The Libs regaining their moJoe?

2009-11-27T12:41:00.005+11:00

"The Liberals appear to be moving towards a deal that would make Joe Hockey leader, with Tony Abbott as shadow treasurer as a consolation prize."

"The man charged with turning that sentiment around is the avuncular Workplace Relations Minister Joe Hockey. His task wasn’t helped yesterday when it was revealed that an actor involved in making the Government’s own Workchoices advertisement entitled ‘Protection for under 18s’, appears to be exploiting his young workers."

Where have I heard that term, "Uncle Joe" before?

Kevin O'heaven

2009-11-25T18:36:00.003+11:00

Former Howard Government frontbencher Kevin Andrews speaks after failing to oust Malcolm Turnbull as the Liberal Party Leader.

"The big kids made me do it, and then ran way."

Is Kev being too unAustralian?

2009-11-19T08:05:00.005+11:00

"It’s hardly on par with the White House’s war with Fox News in Washington, but prime minister Kevin Rudd has directed a pointed jibe at the Australian newspaper, describing it as a “right-wing” publication with a determined agenda to oppose the government."

Wonder why Kev would come to that conclusion?

Colour me confused - VERY confused. Or is the terminology of law an ass?

2009-10-30T15:25:00.011+11:00

If the perpetrator ASSAULTED her WITH her consent then there would be no charge?

Where and when is an assault (sexual or otherwise, aggravated or otherwise) ever carried out (other than within the cloistered milieu of BDSM clubs - but I never went to a British private school, am not related to a Mosley and never studied the arcane nether regions of law, so what would I know?) with consent?!

It would seem that Ticketmaster has been taken over by Myki.

2009-10-27T13:04:00.004+11:00

'Post-purchased' perchance?

How to use Myki.

2009-10-24T09:08:00.009+11:00

Searched the Myki site for "seniors card". Clicked on the third page that came up in results, "How to use Myki" ...

... and this is the result.

Mmmm, seems the portents for a successful, smooth running, efficient Myki aren't exactly good if the people from planet Myki can't keep a pretty basic website updated.

(Click image to enlarge.)

That's a smart card ? !?

2009-10-20T13:53:00.023+11:00

Travel card myki smart but not fast, Government admits.

Travellers who want to “top up” their new myki public transport ticket online or via a call centre will see their money take up to 24 hours to be credited to their tickets, the Government has revealed in a briefing on *the smartcard* this morning.

Customers will be required to swipe on and off when using the new smartcard.

If customers forget to swipe off, they will be charged a maximum of $9.92.

They will also pay no more than $3 for weekend fares.

One thousand Government users will be trialling the new card over the next month.

Really?! Though I guess these government employees won't be in the chosen few 1,000 government users. They seem to be quite happy using the alternative, paid for by the public, transport system.

COMMUTERS face delays on public transport but Premier John Brumby’s bureaucrats know how to get to work on time – they spent $5.2 million of taxpayers’ money on taxis last year.

Despite Mr Brumby’s vow to cut unnecessary spending and curb greenhouse emissions, his government’s spending on cabs is up almost 15 per cent on the previous year.

Only months after the Herald Sun revealed the taxi bill for 2007-08, the Government has released the latest costs. They show a rise in spending from $4.5 million in 2007-08 to $5.2 million.

Myki offers discounted fares to travellers who switch over from the existing Metcard ticket system.

Myki automatically calculates the best fare for passengers – if they remember to touch off when exiting a train, tram or bus.

Using myki, a public transport user who swipes on and off correctly will pay $2.92 for a two-hour, zone one ticket – 78 cents less than at present.

Currently concession card holders pay $14.70 for a 10 trip Zone 1 ticket - $1.47 per trip.

"Myki offers discounted fares to travellers who switch over from the existing Metcard ticket system."

Assuming that the full fare "$2.92 for a two-hour, zone one ticket" is halved for concession (or in my case a Seniors Card) holder ($1.46) ... WOO-f'k'n'-HOO!! I WILL SAVE 1 CENT PER TRIP!!! What's not to like!!!

Or have I missed something? (Like the train on the Craigieburn line wot was running a couple of minutes early. NOT late - EARLY!)

I've been to the MYKI site and it's about as useful for finding out stuff as a ... insert metaphor of your choice. The search box is up there with that of Telstra's. Points you to pages which have general titles and not the specific term you entered. My metaphor for this exercise? Needle meets haystack.

UPDATE. There's more even more tosspottery from the economic genius who thinks that $40 million losses on the Grand Prix in both 2008 and 2009 is a good deal for Victoria.

The Premier today defended the delay in introducing the new system.

It was due to be introduced in March 2007 and is $350 million over budget.

“I think the main thing is to get it right, the main thing is to make sure that when it’s actually introduced that it works.’’

The myki system has been operating on 320 regional buses in towns including Geelong, (Dave Bath's experience) Seymour, Ballarat and Bendigo.

Operating in regional areas on ONE system - the buses - where commuters can actually talk to and be advised/assisted by the bus driver. In Melbourne try getting help from the tram or train drivers locked away in their cocoons at the front of the vehicle!

Fatty Finn - dual citizen.

2009-10-15T18:26:00.005+11:00

Victorian Upper House MP Bernie Finn to sue Crikey over report he doesn’t like Barack Obama because he is “black”

“These idiots have defamed me. They are saying because I don’t like Obama because of his colour and that is a monstrous lie,” he said.

Mr Finn said he didn’t agree with Mr Obama’s policies – and voted as such – but his political views were “never ever” about race or religion.

... and where did Bernie Blimp cast his vote?

On his Facebook

Really Bernie, you seem to have far, far too much time on your glands.

Declan keeps us up to date on the Sping Carvinal.

2009-10-13T13:35:00.003+11:00

(Click image to enlarge.)

Whilst it was also a woeful morning for Rupert's Declan, fortunately for Mark Kavanagh it would seem that unlike Pats Whisker whose sping campaign is over, the other stable star, Cats Whisker may still be part of the Spring Carnival.

... and while we're here, let's remember why John Hartigan, CEO of News Limited (pun entirely meant), Declan's employer warned us to ignore blogs because "in return for their free content, we pretty much get what we’ve paid for - something of such limited intellectual value as to be barely discernible from massive ignorance.".

... and (via Darryl Mason ) "here's John Hartigan explaining why newspapers are not dead, and why people will pay to read quality journalism that is "brilliantly written" and "professionally edited" : This is not the territory in which aggregator sites or amateur bloggers will do well. This is the natural terrain of the well-trained, professional, experienced, clever journalist."

The Ghost of Costelloes Past.

2009-10-08T20:10:00.007+11:00

"Mr Hockey will not challenge Mr Turnbull for the job, but is willing to step up if his leader resigns.

Joe exhibits his not so lean, but very hungry look.

If you're having a bad day and are really bored here's more.

(OTOH, this is far more engaging and entertaining.)

From the company which regularly sends jobs offshore.

2009-10-03T10:22:00.004+10:00

Qantas is under fire from the Federal Opposition for serving imported butter on its Australian flights.

Qantas has confirmed it provides Lurpak butter.

A spokesman for the airline said the decision to purchase the cheaper Danish butter was made during the downturn in the aviation industry to minimise job losses.

"Cheaper Danish butter" ?!?

[rhetorical] At our local Coles and Safeways guess which butter is the most expensive on the shelves.[/rhetorical]

CLICK TO ENLARGE IMAGE.

It's rare that I feel like vomiting after reading an article, but this is one that has me retching. (And I'm sure as Hell no fan of Miranda Devine.)

2009-10-02T13:23:00.005+10:00

"Was Polanski truly remorseful? He has plea-bargained and confessed guilt in an attempt to avoid imprisonment. The jury is out as to whether Polanski comprehends his crime; but there can be no doubt about his suffering."

HIS suffering!

... more of this convoluted and drawing really longbows apologia.

The email I received from 2Day FM in response to my comment on Vyle Sandilands rather amazed me.

2009-09-25T13:47:00.009+10:00

The comments made by Kyle were completely unacceptable and 2Day FM sincerely and unreservedly apologises for any offence they caused.

Under the Commercial Radio Codes of Practice, licensees are only required to respond to complaints received by letter or fax where a return address is provided. In this situation, however, we have chosen to respond to your email. If you would like to make a formal complaint please write to the General Manager, Austereo Pty Ltd, Level 15, 50 Goulburn Street, Sydney NSW 2000.

So it seems that the media industry which implements and exploits the very latest in technology, chooses under its co-regulatory scheme developed by themselves in consultation with ACMA requires complaints be submitted via letter or fax.

One can only conclude that the Commercial Radio Codes of Practice were drawn up in the 17th century when email hadn't been invented by Al Gore.

Last time I emailed I think I noticed that it was possible to provide both a return email address and a snail mail address. It would appear that one can print out these apparently informal complaint emails too. These print outs look uncannily like a 'formal complaint' letter or fax without one ever having to root around in the bottom drawer for a new ribbon for the Smith-Corona.

Some unkind people might suggest that the licensees wish to make it as time consuming and inconvenient as possible for people wishing to register a complaint.

Kevin adds a new term to the rich tapestry that is the Australian language.

2009-09-20T19:04:00.004+10:00

"I don't care what you robusters think!" the centre-left leader reportedly told them, before singling one out and telling him "You can get robusted ... don't you robusting understand?"

Weak as ... STILL!

2009-09-17T19:08:00.007+10:00

Call centre closure costs Melbourne 450 jobs

Newly merged telecommunication company Vodafone Hutchison has ended a Melbourne call-centre contract, leaving 450 workers redundant.

But a damning theme in the [Bushfire] commission’s report is that many of the measures it recommends were put to the Government – some of them repeatedly – in the years before Black Saturday, only to be rejected, ignored or delayed.

Brumby is exceedingly uncomfortable about this fact, having been in the policy engine-room throughout this Government’s 10-year life.

Child abuse experts say Victoria’s child protection system is in chaos after a damning report found protection workers had placed three children in the care of convicted sex offenders.

The Victorian ombudsman report also revealed that workers from the Department of Human Services failed to carry out police checks on carers, and uncovered a child protection system under immense stress.

A Victorian man has been charged with a series of sex and incest offences allegedly committed against his daughter over a period of 30 years.

This morning Victorian Premier John Brumby said he first learned of the case late last night.

“I can’t comment on the specifics,” he said.

With his hand on his heart the Premier said that despite all of that Henny Penny nonsense, everything was rooly rooly hunkydory in the untied state of Victoria.

"We still have the Grand Prix ... and Crown Casino is providing a community service beyond compare."

Double plus good karma in the singles.

2009-09-14T13:44:00.006+10:00

"Belgium’s Kim Clijsters has won the US Open for the second time, defeating Caroline Wozniacki of Denmark 7-5, 6-3 just five weeks after returning to action following a 27-month retirement."

"In so doing, she became the first mother to win a grand slam title since Australian Evonne Goolagong in 1980 and the first wildcard, man or woman, to win a US Open title in the history of the tournament."

(Evonne likewise displayed grace, manners and civility on the court, attributes which were sadly, sadly lacking in Kim's semi final opponent.)

There's only one word for it.

2009-09-09T16:06:00.006+10:00

Recidivist ... or as Steve Fielding might have it, 'R-E-K-I-D-I-V-I-S-T'

Notwithstanding being lost and alone the Victorian Minister for Tourism, Timmy Holding was still on the job.

2009-09-01T19:15:00.007+10:00

"So where the bloody hell are you?", the $180 million advertising campaign launched by Tourism Australia created by the Sydney office of the London advertising agency M&C Saatchi.

As the last of the Kennedy brothers is buried, the investigation into the death of the first Kennedy brother is reopened.

2009-08-30T14:41:00.010+10:00

(Click image to enlarge.)

Following an urgent phone call from Andrew Demetriou to the US Justice Department, the Warren Commission has been reconvened to investigate evidence from the watcher from the cast iron grassy noll, Campbell Brown that Matthew Lloyd had been seen alongside Lee Harvey Oswald in the Texas School Book Depository.

The legacy of the Rodent's core and non-core promises lives on in one of the rats leaving the sinking shrinking ship.

2009-08-25T15:45:00.007+10:00

Former opposition leader Brendan Nelson [one time member of the ALP] has announced he will quit politics at the end of the month.

The surprise resignation presents the embattled Malcolm Turnbull [one time aspiring member of the ALP] with a fresh challenge, despite Dr Nelson’s Sydney seat of Bradfield being blue-ribbon Liberal.

Dr Nelson said in February he would not contest the next election but would continue serving his electorate.

In a statement released today, he confirmed he would leave Parliament sooner than expected.

Yep, that's our Brendan.

Proof that masturbation can make you go blind ... and apparently profoundly deaf to the sound of hairy palming in the morning.

2009-08-24T15:50:00.016+10:00

AUSTEREO chief Peter Harvie says he’s not the best judge of whether a show featuring a masturbation contest appeals to listeners.

Sandilands and others reportedly held a competition on air in May that involved giving contestants pornography and seeing who could masturbate the fastest and who had the largest sperm count.

Mr Harvie said he was not the best judge of whether such programs were appealing.

“I am afraid that I don’t hear much of the Kyle and Jackie O show because I am located in Melbourne,” Mr Harvie said.

It's a bit of a worry when the head of a national radio network doesn't get to hear a program emanating from his own company because it isn't being broadcast in his home town.

Let's all pass the hat around and get Mr Harvie better technical staff, a more powerful crystal set ... and a tastefully air brushed copy of 'Man Junior'.

The one thing that Kyle's got right.

2009-08-18T16:48:00.011+10:00

Sandilands took calls throughout the morning from fans who said they had missed the show.

At one point he said: “I missed coming here, this is what keeps me alive.

“I was sitting at home like a toad on the couch.”

He also said he had scoured the newspapers and internet for any reports on the scandal during the show’s two-week hiatus.

(Humble, modest and self-effacing to a fault is our scoury Kyle.)

'The Age' will not weary them, nor the typos condemn.

2009-08-18T11:21:00.002+10:00

Good to see they're back on air doing what they do best.

2009-08-17T20:11:00.007+10:00

Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O have denied that they strapped either of the legs to a lie detector and have assured their advertisers and ACMA that neither leg was humped by a dog at age 12, but if their audience would like to pledge $150,000 to the unfortunate torso, they would see that the money would end up in the right hands ... on the proviso that said torso was not also manually challenged.

Indefinitely is the new barely temporary. Good to see that such matters are being taken so seriously.

2009-08-11T19:28:00.007+10:00

"Greg Inglis still has a future in rugby league despite being suspended indefinitely by Melbourne Storm for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend last weekend, chief executive officer Brian Waldron said today."

"Kyle ("We have a very real live radio program and we deal with real situations") Sandilands and Jackie O suspended indefinitely. Sandilands and Henderson’s 2Day FM program, Kyle and Jackie O, was taken off air this month after a girl strapped to a lie detector revealed she’d been raped two years earlier.

Sandilands and Henderson are expected back on air on August 17."