Notes About Nothing

against the grain

2009-11-15T03:15:00.000-08:00

right now i'm awake at 4:19am because my body was so cold it wouldn't generate heat no matter how many blankets i had on. so i am huddled up to my laptop, which conveniently produce heat out of the bottom, with a cup of cocoa by my feet.

why am i so cold?
because we spent three hours outside in the freezing cold filming an old lady spray flour and fake sewage everywhere.
before that we were in the most posh funeral home
before that we were in the most posh restaurant in provo (eat there) communal
before that we were in the most posh lobby area at the courthouse

because when you make movies you never really know where you'll find yourself...
jogging backwards with five other people wrangling camera and light cords
funneling chili/yams/corn/fruit punch into a hose
lighting old car parts on fire
putting fake rats in sandwiches
eating lasagna in a laundry mat
putting cat food on bread
hiding behind the front seat of a car recording sound
praying no one breaks anything at the locations
dressing sets that don't even get seen
etc.

not to mention the pre-production
tramping through junkyards in heels (because I had just come from an interview)
a million midnight trips to wal-mart
knocking on stranger's doors asking them to use their house
calling every grocery store/funeral home in the city and surrounding cities
researching coffin rentals
finding fake shotguns and real axes
meetings, designs, changing designs
finding can openers at 2 o'clock in the morning
etc.

life has been a blur, i can't believe November is half over. did October even happen?
i have a cut on my hand and have no idea where it came from...
i imagine this is what having a hangover is like, ha.

now i'm going to put my life back together
go back to class (because before the flu i hadn't missed one, now i've missed a week)
clean out my car
clean my room
get healthy
go grocery shopping
find my keys?
etc.

sick,sick,suck (that last one was a typo, but i'm leaving it)

2009-11-08T10:35:00.000-08:00

dear friends
(namely jennie, diana, kelsie, and devin)
thanks for risking contamination to bring me things.
balloons, mexican food, orange juice and 7-up never tasted so good.
(i didn't actually try and eat the balloons, but you know what i mean)

being sick makes me have the craziest dreams that i only vaguely remember

i woke up this morning thinking in italian.
the night before that i dreamed my front tooth had gotten knocked out of place. it was all crooked and bleeding like crazy.
and my mom was like, "what on earth did you do? better have your father fix it."
and i thought to myself, he's not a real dentist

also some things that seem like they should be dreams aren't.
like, we really did pick up the passenger seat of a car from a man named Sam who was in a flannel shirt and leather suspenders with a dog named Nic (n-i-c) and it is now sitting in my living room.

being sick has brought about one good thing:
i've been able to watch pushing daisies.
love that show.

breakfast this morning was parmesan rice-a-roni, orange juice+7-up, hot chocolate
being sick also makes me suuuuper hungry for random things.

i've had pokerface stuck in my head for the last three days
thanks to weezer covering it on their new album
and thanks to dan for making me listen to it

2009-11-06T17:23:00.001-08:00

dear body,
could we pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease just wait 9 days for this sickness thing to happen? I promise i will succumb to your needs, just not now! i know i'm in no position to bargain, because i don't treat you right and don't give you what you need, but...just this once?

dear slc,
thanks for being magical.

dear kels,
thanks for being magical.

dear everyone else,
sorry i never see you!

dear hugh grant,
thank you for existing
and deciding to be a successful actor
so i can watch your face on television

dear hines mansion bed and breakfast,
you are too cute for words

dear middle-aged men who love to tell me about their lives,
i really appreciate that you can open up to someone you've never met before.

dear film making,
thanks for opening up a random world of possibilities and adventures for me.

dear jennie,
remember how you brought me balloons last night because i was sick?
you might be the most amazing person ever

2009-11-05T13:40:00.000-08:00

remember remember the 5th of november.

2009-11-05T00:44:00.000-08:00

I want this project to be good so badly that I feel nervously sick all the time now.
I don't feel hungry, I always feel tired, and I can't actually focus on basic things like conversations or not leaving things everywhere.
I have no idea where my other set of keys are.
I don't remember the last time I talked to my mom.
And I actually start sentences and don't realize I didn't finish them until someone points it out.

And my phone won't charge.

I'm a mess
But mostly really excited!

What a weird life I've chosen.

2009-10-29T23:46:00.001-07:00

i'm going to be one of those mom's that does their kids' homework for them when they have too much to do.
i can already tell.

2009-10-29T16:42:00.001-07:00

my creativity is not being put towards the academic things it should be right now.

and i don't think i care.

2009-10-27T11:24:00.000-07:00

The tables have turned on Lauren Laws.

Last night I sung in my sleep.

2009-10-26T11:22:00.001-07:00

"love is not a conquest. it is sweet and close."

-Brother Perkins (my d&c teacher)

i think a lot of times we are too rough with each other.
too quick to judge. too quick to hold a grudge (unintentional rhyme)
people are unusually fragile.

good moments

2009-10-25T02:18:00.001-07:00

"are you talking about love?" -jennie
"no." -jordan and i (simultaneously)

"i love the pills!" -jennie

"i could be a DP and a PD, put that together and it's a palindrome" -me

"is it okay if when lauren says 'why do my windows keep fogging up' i say, 'it sounded like lauren said "why do my windows keep f-ing up?" -djb

"i have witnesses. everyone notice that lauren pinky swore she would come back and eat a something substaintial" -lyvia

"guys, i'm not wearing a shirt."

"..stop embracing your culture and be an individual." -djb (in a british accent)

"when you find the right guy, you'll want to devote all that snuggle power to him, and it'll be heave for him!" -jordan aug
"it's like a superpower."

"it's several hours closer to tomorrow than it was!" -jennie

"drat muffins." -melanie

"can i shift for you?" -djb
[i drive an automatic]

"is there blood on my stomach?" -girl jordan

"i like that all of us have been sick or are getting sick, and yet, it's 3am and we're all like, 'lalala'" -steph

"easy, easy..." -me
"i am thanks." -jennie

and i'm too tired to remember all the other hilarious things said when everyone was drunk off sleep deprevation.

2009-10-25T00:46:00.001-07:00

i love film.

i'm thinking it might be all i need right now.

maybe food (which is generally provided on a film set, so that solves that)
and a couple hours of sleep a night.

and...puppies? i like those.

i feel really lucky to have a major that I am in love with it.
(and if you're thinking "then why don't you marry it?" right now.
i would if i could.)

the loooove doctor

2009-10-24T01:17:00.000-07:00

so as cynical as i am about love
(speaking of, there was waaaaay too much teenage romance in HP6)

i have been on a roll with my love advice lately.

so ask away!

Reasons I Miss Oregon

2009-10-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

1. candy smith, megan knowles, hilary browning
2. mom, dad, siblings
3. laika, even though she's dying
4. the smell of moisture in the air
5. trees absolutely everywhere
6. my hoodies...how did i manage to leave all good hoodies (camp greider, lifeguard, snow college) at home? what was i thinking? that i wanted to be trendy and forget comfort? i am soooo over trendy. i want warmth.
7. Roth's apple cider donuts!!!
8. donut places besides krispy kreme
9. coffee shops with good apple cider
10. nice drivers

2009-10-21T16:10:00.000-07:00

dear world,

i don't pretend to know everything.
okay, i do pretend.
what i should say is that i don't know everything.
most my advice is shoddy at best.

just keep that in mind when i am voicing my opinion.
but so help me, i will have an opinion.
this is something i'm practicing.

2009-10-19T23:31:00.000-07:00

dear world,

there is no such thing as a perfect love story.
sometimes we think we need the passion of the Notebook, the quirkiness of *insert various Indie movie titles here*, the drama of the Holiday, the mystery of You've Got Mail etc. etc.
none of this is true.
first of all, anyone can have an Indie Romance because all it is usually are people being goofy in a totally human way.
i can have just as much fun at ikea as Zooey D, and i can certainly be as hilarious as Juno (without getting pregnant even!)

the facts are these:
you can love someone and it can be completely average.
but if there's love, it will never feel average.

movies exaggerate things for a reason.
it's great to be fantastical and wonderful and dramatic and passionate.
and oftentimes life is every bit as glorious as the movies.
and like i said, Indie Romance is sooo easy to accomplish.

but we need to make our own things.
it doesn't matter how great any one else's engagement story is.
it doesn't matter what jim and pam do.

what matters is that we make awesome memories with people we love.
and stop comparing our lives to other people's

so when i say there's no perfect love story
what i mean is every story of love is perfect in it's own right.

the end.

that being said,
i have become a serious love cynic lately

2009-10-19T15:54:00.001-07:00

"So I loved her all the more, seeing she could be so cheerful when there wasn't anything to be cheerful about."

-Mark Twain's 100000000 pound note

2009-10-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

regarding that last post.

i get suuuuuper melodramatic when i'm feeling even slightly unwell.

i am, at this point, about 78% alive and improving.

2009-10-18T11:07:00.000-07:00

i have been laying in bed for 16 hours now.
i want to die.

aroooooooooo.

2009-10-17T22:23:00.000-07:00

Where the Wild Things Are
was written amazingly.
I think it captured nearly perfectly how kids think/feel/are.
And there were wonderful parallels
and magnificently disorienting lines that seem to come out of nowhere.

Also, I think it's important to remember the value of
sleeping in piles and making things for each other out of sticks.

And jumping around and howling.

So....go see it.

i love people #475

2009-10-14T20:11:00.000-07:00

lately i've been noticing i love how people speak/laugh/communicate.

i love how jordan p gets wrinkles around his eyes when he laughs really hard
i love how kelsie says, "sweet as" and it sounds like she's cussing. or when she says "jumper"
i love how david jon banks begins stories.
i love how dean sometimes looks like he's going to cry when he lectures.
i love how jennie sighs.
i love when babetta talks in a way that lets you know she grew up just outside the 'hood.
i love how brother perkins looks people right in the eyes when he lectures and his voice gets softer when he gets more serious.
i love how dan enunciates individual words.
i love how wyatt pauses for a split second before he busts out laughing.
i love devin's inflection when he asks questions.
i love alex's lumberjack/cheri dew fan accents.
i love that voice jordan a. does when he's immitating a. todd.
and the voice a. todd does naturally.
i love how jake calls everyone sweetheart.
i love how anna says, "am i right?"
i love how sharlie's eyebrows go together when she's concerned/laughing.
i love how willem asks, "how's it going?" about once every ten minutes
i love how nathan speaks in puns and back to the future quotes.
i love how lyvia writes her plays like people actually speak.
i love how brooke freaked out, "not a real dead cat!!!" when looking up windjammers on google images.
i love how alyssa's voice goes more and more southern when she talks to her family on the phone.
i love how melanie talks like Ariel when she's in love.
i love diana saying, "hey girl hey" and "squirrels are BETTER."
i love how evann explains things.
i love how angela tells stories.
i love how olivia does that voice (i.e. u r so wize)
i love how mike talks casually about things like firefighting and then yells about things like making thai basil rice.

etc.

also, in general, i love when guys try and act all authoritative and put on their "dad voice" as i call it.

and i love campell:
"i can't be hardcore, i have a baby."
"haha. how is--"
"my baby? great."
"actually, i was--"
"how's my wife? she's great."
"well, i was going to ask how joseph's project was going."
"oh."

oh, bother.

2009-10-11T10:06:00.000-07:00

Here's what's bothering me right now:

I recently decided I want to take more photos. Maybe, just maybe, I want to be a director of photography.

My DREAMS have racking focus in them (when the focus changes from something in the foreground to something in the background and visa versa)

I am in love with the slides I shot around down-town and outside a Target in Sandy.

I love taking pictures of things that happen everyday. People's faces, inanimate objects, the sky (I really, really love the sky, all times of day), candid photos, thought out photos....It doesn't matter, there is beauty everywhere.

I just feel I can express life easier visually than I can through words (hence, changing from English to Film as a major).

And after all this determination and planning of my life...

My camera breaks.

wah wahhh.

I am tempted to run out and buy another one, but I'm gonna give it a bit and see if it fixes itself like it did last time. Also debating if I can hold out for Christmas or something.

Meanwhile, I guess I could just film everything, ha. Really wish I had gotten some footage of the epic fence demolishing.

re-cap

2009-10-10T11:38:00.000-07:00

I love my life...Because in one day I managed to

.Change my mind 32 times
.Go to the wrong classroom for 185
.Learn about mulit-camera directing
.Carry around a flag that said, "Hooray for the Everyday" with my 114 lab.
.Lay in the grass in the sun and discuss life
.Break my camera :(
.Go to the Asian market
.Go to Smith's and spontaneously dance in the aisle
.Have a conversation with an apparently drunk man (who was buying liquor AND beer). He asked me if I had a lot of kids
.Throw a surprise engagement party
.Invent a game (Pin The Ring on Melanie's Finger, which was beautifully illustrated by Kels)
.Sort of fail at the surprise part of the surprise party
.See many wonderful friends
.Make Moroccan Tagine which included learning what a butternut squash looks like on the outside.
.Eat Chicago style pizza, baked ziti, Arroz con leche, bratwurst and potatoes, and Moroccan Tagine with Cous Cous
.Convinced Dan to kiss Jennie on the forehead (which he happened to do, on the rooftop, and I desperately wish I had been there)
.Let people borrow our table, which I almost fell over this morning because they just left it in front of our door....

Then Yesterday
.Went to an amazing forum for all film students.
I want to take a moment and talk about what an incredible experience this was. It was just an hour of going over procedures that they are changing, but there was something crazy in the air. When you have 100-200 (have I ever told you how I absolutely CANNOT estimate numbers, like, I have no concept of how numbers relate to actual things..) or so creative people in one room, there is just this sort of tension. But a wonderful kind of tension. I loved it. And I was looking down the rows thinking how much I LOVE so many of these people. I love the people in 185, I love the people about to graduate, I love the people who are never going to graduate, I love the faculty (some more than others). I have loads of great friends, but right now most of them are in the film program, and it was just nice to have everyone in the same room, just sitting, instead of running around on a film set, or passing in a hurry in the hfac.

After that was free sandwiches at Dew, which is in fact open again, for lunches. I'll be working there Tues,Thurs,Sat. Yummy Red Curry Pulled Pork sandwiches! And three different curry rice boxes.

Speaking of food, have you been to Sensuous Sandwich? SO good. I want to make a commercial for them. Okay, so I've only had the chicken sandwich, The Satisfier, but it is delicious. Always leaves me smiling and satisfied. And the weird wall decorations and horrible country music blasting? Just adds to the atmosphere.

I just realized I had THREE sandwiches on Thursday, because that night I had grilled cheese (thanks, Willem!) Also had a ridiculous conversation that consisted of me and someone who was in another room yelling at each other.

Wednesday I decided I love photography. I got my slides back and they look so so so good. I think I love slides. The colors in them are amazing. So, of course, after I decide I'm in love with photography, my camera breaks. :'(

Which sort of brings us up to date on my life.

2009-10-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

well, just failed an interview.
but it pretty much went how i expected it to...
because i couldn't lie and tell them i wanted to be an editor.

curse this honest face!

2009-10-05T20:55:00.000-07:00

right now my brain is all over the place, trying to keep track of everything i have to do.
about three times in the last hour i thought it was Tuesday and started panicking about everything i need to do by tuesday night.

but mostly my brain is going: filmfilmfilmfilmfilmfilmfilmfilmfilm.

laundry list of events:
crepe party i managed to do some sweet julie&julia-esqe crepe-making. but more than that, a lot of failed attempts. and almost everyone i love in provo showed up. thank you, diana.
general conference love, love, loved all the talks. did you hear Elder Holland? there was power in those words.
smith house we went up and spent the night with the girl who lives above us. i love being in a family setting where everyone is jumping on each other and singing phantom of the opera at the top of their lungs. not to mention brisket with potatoes, cinnamon rolls, cupcakes, fruit/veggies of all kinds, etc. etc. homemade food galore! thank you to the Smiths.
the commute friday i drove ang to the airport and got to catch up. i miss living with her. butthen it took 2.5 hours to get back! so i took pictures of the sunset (while driving) and rocked out to good songs.
casting for Jake's senior project he is doing a scene from Ender's Game(!!!) the casting consisted of old men and little kids. i love actors, they are so interesting/cute. i'm 2nd AD and art crew member on this project and i am excited for it.
classes i love my professors, i love my classmates (because it's the same people 6 hours a day, twice a week) i'm actually sad 105 is pretty much over (it's a first block class) Wyatt is always such a joy to have as a teacher and we always have fun in that class. but our final project will be bomb, just you wait. as for 185...turns out i need to read the syllabus more carefully because the last couple things i got marked off for dumb misunderstanding.
the chair i'm sitting in pops my back when i lean back...wonderful.

tomorrow i will get everything done that i've been neglecting...

memory loss

2009-10-04T18:21:00.000-07:00

So, that last post I didn't think I had actually post.

The scene went something like this:

INT. Living Room - Evening

LAUREN (20) brown hair, average build, devilishly good-looking, sits with a laptop on her lap. She pulls up her blog and stares at the empty box intended for text.

LAUREN
I'm going to blog

She proceeds to type gibberish, several letters that have no connection to each other, or anything. And then completely forgets about it.

INT. Smith's Kitchen Next Day - Evening

Lauren and Emily discuss blogs.

LAUREN
Yes, I have one. It's lawsren.blogspot.com

EMILY
Cool.

Lauren notices her last blog entry is a jumble of letters that have no connection to each other, or anything.

LAUREN
I don't remember posting that.

p.s.
This post was inspired by Babetta who now thinks in screenplay format.