mrs hardly & the case of the spotted blog

New starts

2007-04-03T20:21:00.000+10:00

In the unlikely event that anyone at all is still checking in here, I've started blogging again after the almost-12-months break here.

Updates will undoubtedly be slow and less-than-regular.

And very belated thanks to everyone for reading Mrs Hardly while she was around.

the concussion nearly knocked the boys off their ponies.

2006-05-21T21:33:00.000+10:00

Poor Fenton is quite ill with a cold, I fear I am getting his illness too, so am guzzling down the echinacea and vitamin C in a probably fruitless attempt to prevent it taking hold.

In terribly exciting news - I have almost completed the dreaded report that I have been putting off (read: far too busy) since the beginning of the year, but which had a deadline of Friday, which I managed to extend until Monday (and of which I am now going to have to extend until Wednesday because I need Professorial input, and he is off lecturing aka warping young minds). The relief is completely, utterly, deliciously amazing!

We're currently participating in the annual harldy viewing of Eurovision (as an aside, wasn't 2005 supposed to be Terry Wogan's last?). Either I'm getting old, am ill, or this year's contest is utterly boring (well, except for the winners).

Perhaps next week I can get around to making that list o' stuff I mentioned previously, and return to the wonders of The Year 2000.

Oh, and sadly, Nancy did not have her braces removed (personal crisis of the Dentist's). Surprisingly she took it rather well. The appointment has been re-made for Tuesday - bits crossed for no crisis.

I think my breaker gif may be a little too large/intense - rework may be required.

"we'd better tie him on," joe panted as he pulled some rope from his pockets.

2006-05-15T18:38:00.000+10:00

So, I had this cunning idea of making a list of all of those projects which have fallen by the wayside and decide which would be worth pursuing and which best abandoning - I figured if I had realistic projects it would stop me feeling so grumpish and overwhelmed.

I began by finally buying photo paper and printing out some photographs of my babies to decorate my miserable little cubicle (something I had been telling myself I'd do for months now). So that was one thing down - without even writing the list!

But then I went to work today and golly, so very much work, so very much stress. I have about 5 projects (projects which would ordinarily take a week each) due on Friday, which would be fine if I did not also have a couple of half day meetings scheduled for this week.

How on earth do people in high powered / demanding roles cope with this sort of thing and not go completely mental? And still manage to be widely read and cook fabulous meals and have wonderfully interesting lives (and are not insane at all). I totally marvel at it.

I think I need a plan.

And some more lists.

And some deep breaths.

And a plan.

In other news, Nancy allegedly has her braces removed tomorrow.

<edited to add> and a new breaker gif crossed off the imaginary list.

well, until I tire of it...

"come on. we'll give him a good massage," frank suggested.

2006-05-14T20:59:00.000+10:00

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is your all stations to Bondi Junction service, the next station will be Wolli Creek ... on behalf of Cityrail, I'd like to wish you a pleasant evening and to all the mothers on board, "Happy Mothers' Day"."
5.20pm all stations to Bondi Junction train from Hurstville

Ahhh, Mothers Day - one of those manufactured gift-giving occasions that I'm totally contemptuous of, but which my children insist on celebrating¹. And might I say that I did rather nicely out of the occasion.

From Nancy (purchased with her hard earned dosh):

From Bess (made by her own wee hand!):

From Joe/Frank (drawn by his own wee hand - I adore small boys drawings):

¹When Nancy asked what I would like for a gift, my response was, "for you to do your homework & keep your room clean", but strangely, she wasn't terribly keen on the idea.

he taught them a few icelandic words, which, if muttered repetitively, would fool any foreigner.

2006-05-13T14:09:00.000+10:00

It's a babies weekend here in Hardly land, as a consequence I am sitting on the couch using the Frankenlaptop (which, you may recall, Fenton created after cobbling two dead laptops together).

Frankenlaptop is rather light on anything other than essential software (mozilla and office) and because I am too lazy to actually locate our photoshop software, I decided to give some FOSS a bash and download the very unfortunately named GIMP. So far it works an absolute treat - for what I want it to do, which admittedly isn't terribly complicated.

Given that I am using a computer where I can actually view all of the trackers on my blog (I had completely forgotten I had so many trackers, how vain I must appear!), I thought I'd share the most recent list of keywords:

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Fenton is currently in Noo York - a first visit for him (needless to say I have not been there either - because I've not been anywhere at all¹) & he is quietly enthusiastic about it, he even went so far as to say he wouldn't mind returning (which is high praise indeed). He is armed with a rather sizeable make-up shopping list for Nancy (prices are around half of those here) and a request for The Rockford Files Season 1 on DVD for me, because I simply cannot get enough of cool 70s television.

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I've been feeling rather unsettled and out of sorts lately, I feel as though I'm not achieving a great deal and am beating myself up a little (well, okay, a lot) about it. Primarily - the projects (both at work & at home) in my head which I never begin, the "stuff" I stockpile "just in case" for aforesaid projects, the exercise I promise myself I will undertake, the exotic things I plan to cook.

Essentially I think I need to give myself a good mental shake & a good talking to and to throw some stuff away (I know I will feel better if I divest myself of these things - oh golly, I sound like a member of the insidious flylady cult²)

8<----------

I think I need to develop something a little more sophisticated than my rather lame ascii scissors as a breaker between topics.

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¹I'm not one of these totally aggravating types who proclaim, "Oh, I haven't been anywhere" and follow up with an, "but I found travelling in <name of remote exotic locale #1> so much more rewarding than <name of remote exotic locale #2> or <name of remote exotic locale #4378>" - I truly haven't been anywhere at all (thus exploding any misconceptions you may have held of Mrs Hardly: world traveller).

²This has to be the most wacked out thing ever (you need to scroll down to the testimonial for the full horror.

"chet, have you gone wacky?" joe asked.

2006-05-11T19:37:00.000+10:00

Today I totally lost my mind and provided The Professor with the Biggest Clue Ever to how to locate my blog.

I'm not too worried if he does, he is infintely less of a pompous twit than he was when he first joined Marie Celeste and think he would respect my privacy.

However, I doubt that he will end up here, because he lacks the m4d observational sk1llz of world renowned detective, Fenton Hardy.

I said that he might find it if he searched for the best series of books ever. On at least two occasions, within his hearing, I have spoken of the total coolness of the wacky antics of Joe, Frank, Chet, Biff, Aunt Gertrude, Mr Hardy, Mrs Hardy, Tony Prito and those random friends who make an occasional appearance. But I am fairly certain that this didn't even register on the radar.

So, in the unlikely event that he actually visits: "Hi Professor".

<edited to add> Actually, it may not be as easy as I thought it would be, I'm on page 3 of a technorati seach, and I gave up at page 8 of google.

"i'll bet he's been drugged!" joe cried out. "holy toledo!"

2006-05-07T11:11:00.000+10:00

The Year 2000: A Framework for the speculation on the next thirty-three years.

Mrs Hardly's way cool blog project - Part 1

Note: I had orginally planned to approach this project in a fairly methodical way, carefully summarising each chapter and tossing in some commentary. However, after attempting to read the introduction and first chapter, I'm not sure that careful summaries are the best approach, so the project will be done in a fairly ad hoc fashion - I'll pick out the best bits and omit the boring, because the less essay-like this ends up - the better. This may mean the project is rather shorter than I'd anticipated, because there seems to be a very large amount of The Boring contained within the 425+ pages.

The intro, by Daniel Bell, "Chairman of the Commission on the Year 2000, American Academy of Arts & Sciences", begins intriguingly - he talks about a series of books called "Today and Tomorrow", published by Keegan Paul / E P Dutton in the 1920s. These actually sound incredibly cool and I'd love to get my hands on some of them. Bell obviously doesn't think they are anywhere remotely as cool as I do, he is quite contemptuous of the majority of the volumes, because they are "fanciful", have a "puckish" tone and "lack seriousness". He goes so far as to label the volumes on society as "feeble" and is particularly scathing about JFC Fuller's Atlantis, America and the future, where Fuller predicts the US will be plunged into a religious war in the distant future, which Bell obviously thinks ridiculous. Hmmmmm, who is feeble now Mr Bell?

This goes on for many, many pages and really, I've not experienced such a high level of, what can only be described as, bitchiness in such a scholarly work before, and as we all know, I love me some snark and I never, ever thought that I would find anything to be too snarky¹. Thank gods Mr Bitchy has only written the introduction, because if this was his book it would be consigned, mostly unread, to a Charity Shop somewhere in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney quicker than you could say "Mr Bell, you are a real tool". And I really hope that Herman and The Wiener are not the same pompous, loathesome dickheads that Mr Bitchy appears to be or this project will come to a rather abrupt conclusion.

Anyway, the point of the bitchiness is soon obvious. Because, you see, all previous predictions of the future have been flawed and wrong, for they lack the benefit of Sophisticated New Methodologies - like statistical time-series and modelling and controls and a whole lot of other stuff which I am going to spare you from and this all makes me rather hate statistics (and I generally think statistics rock) and I am beginning rather loathe Mr Bitchy.

I am very glad when the introduction ends - Mr Bitchy uses Machiavelli's argument that half men's lives are ruled by chance and the other by the men themselves to conclude that the Sophisticated New Methodologies will endeavour to have chance more or less omitted from the what-rules-men's-lives equation.

While reading, I'm thinking, all the while, that I really should cast caution to the wind and tell The Professor the URL of my blog, because he lives for this shit. But I realise that this would probably be a Really Bad Idea (however I might gift the book to him when I am done).

Next up: the actual book (where I hope there is some decent content).

¹Yes, I'm aware of the irony of snarking about something being too snarky, but hey, this is a blog, not something that purports to be a scholarly vision of the future and wants to be taken seriously.

biff looked closely at him. "he isn't right. look, frank, his eyes are dilated." chet's head lolled as if he was in a stupor.

2006-05-06T10:03:00.000+10:00

Drama aplenty in the past week at Marie Celeste.

Firstly, we were all (sans 400 year old man) dragged into the Dept
Cool-until-you-are-in-it Manager's office with door closed and informed that my nemisis (400 year old man, of course) would be leaving us in four weeks (four weeks too long in my opinion). And there was much rejoicing, so very much rejoicing.

It's performance review time and I have been having quite a stressful time completing my very lengthy review form - fortunately Dept-Cool-until-you-are-in-it-Manager is not terribly obsessed with having these things being done perfectly (or at all) and gave me a very good rating (hopefully this will express itself in some sort of remunerative fashion, for everyone else in Dept Cool-until-you-are-in-it receives almost double my salary).

And I cannot begin to describe how overwhelmed I am with every day work crap.

Yesterday, at around 11am, we all received an email announcing a staff meeting at 3.15pm, where an Important Announcement about re-focussing Marie Celeste would be made. Naturally, this lead to very little work and many wild conspiracy theories being tossed about for the rest of the day - because no-one, not even the Managers, knew what the meeting was about (but really, deep down, we all thought it would be something quite lame, despite desperately wanting something awesome to happen).

Our lameness fears seemed to be realised when the meeting started off with the usual "we're fast growing, revenues are increasing ... blah, blah, blah ... yawn". Then the bombshells started coming - total shake-up of the whole company structure, one GM (who has been there for 10 years & is fairly popular) made redundant, our witchy fem-bot GM "discussing her options", our witchy fem-bot GM with actual, real, tears in her eyes. (Who knew fem-bots had tear-ducts built in? The cynical amongst us suspected she used some form of eye drop in an attempt to appear more human). It was way cool - particularly as the secret has been kept so well.

Afterward, most of us retired to the pub next door, and truly, there have never been such a happy bunch of people after a re-structuring. Everyone was smiling, joking, happy - it was totally surreal. I drank far, far too much (with most of my alcohol supplied by the last GM standing) and am feeling rather seedy today.

I look forward to more good times on Monday!

8<-------------

In other news, Nancy was being rather trying due to her half yearly exams, and stressing because she has done very little study, and then stressing because if she does badly, she won't get into University.

Hmmmm, have I not been saying this every single day for the last year? The horrors of teenage children - no matter what you tell them, no matter what advice you give (from bitter, bitter experience), they will. not. listen. They "have to work it out for themselves". Personally, I think that given the amount of times I have been proven right over the course of her life, she could saved an awful lot of time just following my advice, rather than "finding things out for herself".

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Many apologies to the lovely anyresemblance for my utter slackness in emailing to catch-up. I've been rather overwhelmed.

And apologies to anyone hanging out for the first instalment of my way cool blogging project, which has kind of been put off due to aforementioned overwhelmedness. I promise to have something up before the weekend is out.

"i've got my own special ghost," gummi declared. "he travels with me all the time."

2006-04-25T20:38:00.000+10:00

I'm madly jealous of those who have way cool projects on their blogs.

So I'm attempting a way cool project of my very own - which might take me out of my current rut.

I bought this book second-hand a couple of years ago, I can't even begin to remember where (I think it cost me about $1.00).

I thought it was divine - in no small part because it was written in the year of my birth.

I can't even begin to convey how much I adore 60's imaginings of a future that I'm living in - Space 1999, for example, is a wonderful thing indeed.

And here are the authors...

Really, could you get any more hip??

From the dustjacket:

The Year 2000 draws a comprehensive and imaginative picture of the shape of probable, possible and nightmare worlds that will present new challenges in the dawn of a second millenium. Such forecasting demands the vision of both art and science. Economics, demography, history and political science, sociology and the physical sciences have all provided statistics, projections and "surprise-free" information about the massive changes that will condition the quality of human existance and the nature of society in the United States and the world.

The "hardware" of the future is an obvious extension of present technology: governments will know more about the individual than his own family. His life will be recorded in a central computer bank beginning with his birth and covering his education, his employment history and his personal activities (through local input terminals, the computer will reach into the home, the supermarket and every other area of activity). Parents will select the sex and personal characteristics of their children through genetic control. The main line of national defense will be in outer space. The great cities of Boswash, Chipitts and San-San will sprawl from Boston to Washington, Chicago to Pittsburgh and San Francisco to San-Diego.

Excellent, huh? I don't really know why this has been sitting, unread, on my bookshelf for years.

A quote from Nancy, "Oh, I tried to read that book. You'd think it would be really exciting, but it was really dull."

She's right, I've flicked through it and it is mightily dull. For instance, the first paragraph contains "heuristic", "propaedeutic" and "paradigmatic".

But my intention is to plough on through the dullness and post about what Herman and The Wiener thought life would be like in 2000 - and, of course, if they were right.

Hopefully it will provide some laughs. Especially about the "nightmare worlds".

Given the life-span of my previous projects, who knows how long this will last?

Carry on.

"what's yow, yow?" chet wanted to know. "it means, yes, yes, spelled ja," gummi told him.

2006-04-25T20:03:00.000+10:00

Spurgan Morlock¹ (our token American in Dept Cool-until-you-are-in-it²) decided that our Department should all head out for an impromptu lunch yesterday (sans 400 year old man, of course - we took my lesbian lover with us instead).

So we toddled off to have fish and chips at The Lord Roberts Hotel. We lounged about on the back terrace, the fish and chips were excellent and a lovely time was had by all - even more lovely because John Bull (our token Englishman) discovered that fish and chips are $5 on Mondays. Excellent! We're thinking of making it a regular recovery venue after our super-horrible weekly meetings.

8<-------------

After much careful crafting, late Monday afternoon I sent a calm, measured, professional response to 400 year old man's email where I completely ignored his jerkiness. Of course I am a complete coward, so I sent it after he had left for the day. Many thanks must go to The Professor, my lesbian lover and Brigit Jones (Manager of Dept Freak) for their m4d proofreading/editing sk1llz.

I think my Manager will regret coming in tomorrow - for I plan to speak quite plainly about 400 year old man's bullying/abusive ways.

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Note to self: never gloat about rank in footy tipping. I got a big 2 right last week.

8<-------------

I've installed a new tracking tool, as recommended by the lovely Flashman - in the hope that I could actually check site stats (oh! the vanity!) - for some reason I cannot see any tracking tools when I check my blog on my computer, on any browser or even with the firewall down. So far, looks very nice indeed.

And woo hoo! - 3 visitors (and one of them is me!).

8<-------------

After vowing that I would under no circumstances would I watch Big Brother this year, I, once again, found myself sucked into watching the first episode. I really wished I hadn't when I saw that one of the contestants keeps the hair from every haircut since she was 14 in a tupperware container, almost everyone is a promotional model and there are a mother and daughter in the house who have matching boob jobs.

The horror.

8<-------------

¹Massively lame, I know.

²Dept Cool-until-you-are-in-it is quite the United Nations, with me being the token Australian - despite numerous upsizes/downsizes and changes in staff. Well, the token until 400 year old man turned up, but he is hardly human, so doesn't count.

Titles courtesy of: Hardy Boys: The Arctic Patrol Mystery (No. 2)

testing

2006-04-24T21:16:00.000+10:00

123

"how about you guys going to the kitchen and rustling up something for the inner man? make mine milk and ham sandwiches."

2006-04-23T12:06:00.000+10:00

And there was much rejoicing yesterday, as we are now 3 adults in the Hardly Haus.

And there was cake!

And there was much giftage: esprit pants, brown boots, converse sneakers and an lcd tv/monitor.

We are toying with going out to buy a rather large vintagey dressing table we spied yesterday at a second hand furniture store in Bondi Junction. However, it's causing all sorts of bother working out how it would actually fit in Nancy's bedroom.

8<-------------------

After gloating about my tipping successes, I'm now 1 from 4 - ack!

Personally, I blame 400 year old man for putting me off my game (of course it could never be my complete tipping ineptitude!).

8<-------------------

While the babies were here on holidays, I purchased some eggs, so that we might try a new biscuit recipe.

The eggs were from Sunny Queen Farms and when I opened the box, I found this:

It made me smile.

"now i get it. this hideous mask is a form of psychological warfare. it sure can scare the wits out of a victim."

2006-04-21T22:05:00.000+10:00

I attempted to photograph and then scan my hand to illustrate the following anecdote, however, neither worked terribly well, so please imagine there is an image here of a bony, freckled hand with "TIPS" written on it in large purple letters.

imagine image of bony, freckled hand here

This was, naturally, to remind me to put in my footy tips for this weekend. I didn't want to forget, because, gentle reader, I am coming FIRST in our work footy (AFL) tipping - FIRST! ME!

It's all very exciting (and incredibly shocking and miraculous and all that) and best of all, it lets me lord it over the boys. And lord it I must, for this spectacular run cannot continue for long (especially as I tipped Carlton tonight and they are losing big time) and obviously I must make the most of my success by getting in maximum gloating while I can.

(update: gloating minimal, I've been knocked off the top already - stupid Carlton)

8<-------------------------

In scary news, I was watching The Biggest Loser earlier in the week - you'd think the scary would stop there, but no.

The remaining contestants were trying on their dream outfits. Fiona put on her dream outfit and it was the exact dress I was wearing that very morning.

Why anyone's dream dress would be something that cost me $9.99 from Portmans, is rather beyond me.

8<-------------------------

In crap news, on my first day back at work today, I became entagled in a disagreement with 400 year old man - where he ranted and raved and generally implied that I was a complete moron (about a subject so inane, it would take your breath away). This went on for over 30 minutes. At around the 40 minute mark, I took a deep breath, announced calmly, "well, you sort it out, name-of-400-year-old-man" and walked away (because I was becoming rather distressed). Later he sent me an email, in his own special style, rude, abrupt and punctuated by seemingly inserting random commas, exclamation marks and capital letters throughout, cc'd to our manager, and concluded, "I do not appreciate being walked away from."

Dickhead.

And this altercation made me miss bidding on a cheapo mp3 player for Bessie.

Dickhead.

Manager was not there today (won't be in until Wednesday), or she would have had to deal with one very unhappy employee. I went to visit Department Freak Manager and asked him for the role which has just become vacant in Department Freak, because Department Freak all love me, do not shout at me and almost make me cry, nor do they treat me like an idiot. If I don't have to take a pay cut, I think I will indeed remove myself (The Professor is freaking out at the prospect), because I shouldn't have to deal with being treated like crap (or listen to people I like being treated like crap) anymore - screw that.

8<-------------------------

In startling news, in 1.5 hours my biggest baby will be 18 years old.

Holy crap.

"we'd like to help capture the cobra," frank offered. "we've had experience with them."

2006-04-16T12:19:00.000+10:00

Snippets.....

8<---------------------------

I'm wearing socks today. Socks! It's finally cold enough to wear socks!

8<---------------------------

Excerpt from email to Fenton from a recruiter:

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Ersatz Madam Thingy had her last day at Marie Celeste on Wednesday. There was much sadness (I've quite recovered from the dobbing episode). My Lesbian Lover, The Professor and I toddled off to the QVB and purchased this and some rather gorgeous hand-printed stationery from this shop, as a farewell gift from the three of us. It is a totally gorgeous store and highly recommended for giftage for the elegant woman of a certain age.

When I went in to bid my farewells, she said, "I have really enjoyed working with you, I love your attitude. You know, you could really be French."

Best. Compliment. Ever.

8<---------------------------

If you've ever wanted to export the contents of your windows explorer window to a spreadsheet, or a text file, and lord knows there have been many times I have wanted to over the past several years, then you know that it is nigh on impossible (unless, according to Fenton, you go c:\dir /s >listing.txt at the command prompt and muck about a lot).

The Professor prompted me to go searching, and I came across this fabulous little tool. It will even export search results!

Most excellent stuff indeed.

8<---------------------------

Overheard in Bondi Junction:

"Don't my legs look completely fabulous?"

Nancy and I turned to see a woman showing off her legs, this way and that, to her toddler, who was seated in a trolley (no-one else was about - we checked).

Strangely, the toddler did not respond.

8<---------------------------

And finally, because you all love the Tales of the 400 year old man........

While waiting for some stragglers to arrive at our weekly departmental meeting, I was chatting to The Boss about the utter ghastliness that is The Easter Show. She commented that she had never been, I expressed my surprise & advised that she attend, just so she might experience the horror for herself. Then 400 year old man piped up interrogatively to The Boss, "but YOU don't celebrate Easter, DO you?". I looked at the ground (as one so often does when 400 year old man goes off), thinking, "Why? Because she is black!?!?!?!".

The Boss handled it with much more aplomb than I ever could have, and responded, "Well, the show really doesn't have very much to do with Easter, does it?" - which shut him down quite nicely.

8<---------------------------

Did I mention that I am wearing SOCKS???

at once the howler monkey was on them, clawing their backs with his hind paws, nipping and scratching at their heads.

2006-04-09T11:00:00.000+10:00

I could say that the long time between posts was due to my fabulous, exciting and action-packed life, but that would be a lie. Largely my time has been occupied by a combination of alternately moping about, feeling stressed and haus cleaning. Gods, the fun never stops around here, does it? I've said it before and I'll say it again, I need a life.

Things at Marie Celeste are plodding along. 400 year old man is still making life the complete opposite of pleasant. He was totally sapping my confidence (and my will to live) by bombarding me with ridiculous questions that have no real bearing on anything we do, so I'd respond with, "I'm sorry I don't know the answer, x would be the best person to talk to about this issue." Most people when you forward them to the right person to talk to would say, "gee whiz, thanks Mrs Hardly, I'll go and speak to them", but not 400 year old man. 400 year old man laughs at you for not knowing the answer, and then harangues you for 30+ minutes about how fucked up his particular pet issue of the moment is (the issue, of course, has absolutely nothing to do with with what he is working on).

The Professor and I suspect 400 year old man is trying to score himself a permanant role - gods help us all - even the most tolerant people at Marie Celeste cannot stand him. Did I mention that 400 year old man picks his nose and cleans out his ears in front of the office? And that he flicks his horrible, dried-out, 400 year old tongue in and out like a lizard when you speak to him? And that he refers to female managers as manageress (what is this, 1953?)?

Thankfully for the sake of my sanity, I saved one of 400 year old man's projects from failure - after vowing that I would never rescue a nutcase contractor ever again - and many congratulatory emails, of the "Mrs Hardly, you are brilliant" ilk, were bandied about to various Managers (and Manageresses). Of course 400 year old man did not say thank you for saving the project, because the almost failure is everyone else's fault. Who is laughing at who (or is it whom?) now, freak?

"joe, we're dealing with a monkey clever enough to be a professional burglar."

2006-03-12T18:21:00.000+11:00

On the surface, you'd think that, unlike the UK or US, there isn't terribly much regional variation in the Australian accent - you really can't guess at first hearing where someone grew up.

It's really only when you pay close attention that you notice little idiosyncrasies in pronunciation - people from Victoria tend to make an "e" sound for their "a" - "el-bum", rather than "al-bum", for example.

My lesbian lover and I were idly chatting about vegetables (as you do) at Marie Celeste one lazy afternoon and she pointed out a pronunciation variation that I had never noticed, but which I have become completely obsessed with. And that is the pronuciation of 0ni0n (obfuscated because pretty much everyone at Marie Celeste knows of my obsession).

My lesbian lover grew up in Newcastle and she'd noticed that people from there say "ung-yun" with a very definite "g" sound, rather than "un-yun". She pointed out that I, too, said "ung-yun" - something I had never noticed before. I thought everyone said "ung-yun", but they don't! I have the greatest diificulties even pronouncing it "un-yun", because my tongue gets all caught up at the roof of my mouth.

As I grew up in a small hick coastal town about 2 hours north of Newcastle, I became obsessed with how far this weirdness had spread. And thus, my rather twisted campaign of walking up to people at Marie Celeste (who grew up in NSW) and making them say "0ni0n" commenced.

And so I can share that:
People from Sydney say "un-yun"
The Central Coast: "un-yun"
Newcastle: "ung-yun"
My hick coastal town: "ung-yun"
Walcha: "ung-yun"
Tamworth: "ung-yun"
Age is no barrier to pronunciation.

And that was where I ran out of people who grew up in NSW to ~~harass~~ survey.

Here is my very lame map of the results:

The spotty red area indicates the spread of this pronunciational weirdness (ignore the green splodges - they are national parks I think).

If you would like to contribute to the results, my obsessional self would be very pleased indeed.

frank suspected trickery. joe, on the other hand, felt that the voodoo witch doctor might have some psychic power of insight.

2006-03-09T22:06:00.000+11:00

I decided to open a bank account at an actual bank, rather than my little credit union, because the rather large ATM fees each month are adding up. So I chose westpac (no link, for reasons which will become obvious), because there is a branch very close to Marie Celeste and there are loads of westpac ATMs about.

So I filled in an online application form, was posted the paperwork and had to pop into the closest branch to activate the account / prove my identity. There the problems began. The staff were grumpy/unhelpful and the branch was a mess (quite unlike the lovely credit union). When I pulled out my various forms of ID (birth certificate, drivers licence, medicare card & credit union card) the bank drone decided that I did not have 100 points because my birth certificate is in my maiden name. I have never encountered this interesting example of pedantry before, my birth certificate has always proved adequate in the past for this sort of thing - mainly used as a formality, because my drivers licence has my photo on it. I don't actually have any other acceptable forms of ID (rental agreement not good enough, tax statement not good enough, myriad of other things I suggested not good enough).

So I considered that the universe was trying to tell me to stay with my lovely little credit union and told them to close the account.

That's 45 minutes of my life I'm never getting back.

"lets get out of here. we can resume our conference when we get away from these shimmy-shakers."

2006-03-08T22:41:00.000+11:00

Nancy: "I think we need a cute planner from kikki.k, so we can record Fenton's travel, my assigments and your .... cleaning."
Mrs Hardly: "I think I need to get a life."

8<-------------

Fenton is in Qld's capital this week and next, which doth suck mightily. He tells the rather amazing tale of everyone commencing work at 9am and leaving at 5pm! Something rather more civilised than in our fair city.

his pulse beat like a jackhammer. he was trapped amid the zealots of voodoo!

2006-03-05T21:00:00.000+11:00

'thanks for the warning, joe," frank said. "i'd hate to be knocked off the case by a bag of nuts."

2006-02-28T20:03:00.000+11:00

What do the following people have in common?
Mother Theresa
Priscilla Presley
Lou Reed
Chloe Sevingy
Jennifer Capriati

and

Sarah Jessica Parker
Felicity Huffman
Faye Dunaway
Sarit Hadad (who?¹)
Mae West
Sarah Ferguson
Holly Hunter
Jennifer Aniston

Answer: I apparently look like all of them.

I can't remember where I first saw this wacky tool.

You upload a picture of yourself, and out of the magic box comes a list of the celebrities you apparently resemble.

So, being the curious creature I am, I uploaded the old pic with the duck in the cleavage from the sidebar (which I am not going to reproduce - being the super paranoid type that I now am):

and verily, out came the results.....

Mother Theresa - 55%
Priscilla Presley - 50%
Lou Reed - 49%
Chloe Sevingy - 49%
Jennifer Capriati - 48%

Good Grief!

I decided I needed a higher resolution image (or some pretty heavy duty cosmetic surgery!)

Picture was duly taken and results were thus:
Sarah Jessica Parker - 66%
Felicity Huffman - 61%
Faye Dunaway - 56%
Sarit Hadad (who?) - 53%
Mae West - 51%
Sarah Ferguson - 49%
Holly Hunter - 48%
Jennifer Aniston - 48%

I am not entirely sure that is an improvement, but hey, at least Lou Reed is missing from the list!!

¹Google tells me she is a singer who represented Israel in Eurovision 2002.

their mother made lunch, then helped them pack their belongings. laura hardy always made sure the detectives in the family were properly equipped.

2006-02-26T17:58:00.000+11:00

I've been on a bit of a PD James kick recently (I much prefer the older novels - Dalgliesh has morphed into an introspective, whingey sook in the later work), and while I don't quite love them enough to buy them , the library has a reasonable enough range to see me through.

So far, I guess I've read about 10 novels and I'd noticed that someone before me had placed a tick in each book on page 23 - I assumed this little act of defacement was a code to indicate to them whether they had previously read the book. I'd also noticed that there was the occasional correction of a typo in the text (usually in the same pen as the ticks) - which I found mildly irritating, but not terribly so.

The minor irritation changed to horrified astonishment yesterday when I borrowed the last of the library's offerings: Death of an Expert Witness. Apparently some crazy person had gone through the novel, making numerous "corrections" to the text, however the corrections were not correct in any grammatical world I'm familiar with.

Examples of the lunacy:

Every instance of rôle has had the circumflex accent scribbled out.
"The slight bleeding from the mouth is caused by the tongue being caught between the teeth."
becomes
"The slight bleeding from the mouth is caused by the tongue's being caught between the teeth."

"... they couldn't economise there because of Debbie needing warmth ..."
becomes
"... they couldn't economise there because of Debbie's needing warmth ..."

"'So we had this idea of trying to stop Mrs Bidwell going to the Laboratory.'"
becomes
"'So we had this idea of trying to stop Mrs Bidwell's going to the Laboratory.'"

"'Dr Lorrimer was very particular about people coming into the Laboratory.'"
becomes (you guessed it)
"'Dr Lorrimer was very particular about people's coming into the Laboratory.'"

This grammatical quirk is really an obsession with Psycho Mystery Editor - it features heavily (I'd estimate once every 5-10 pages).
Psycho Mystery Editor has an obsession with the word "smell" and its variations...
"'She doesn't like William and me to go in. Anyway, she smells, so we don't.'"
becomes
"'She doesn't like William and me to go in. Anyway, she ~~smells~~ stinks, so we don't.'"

"Eleanor was right, the room did smell."
becomes
"Eleanor was right, the room did ~~smell~~ stink."

"The Document Examination Room, which occupied the whole front of the building under the roof, smelled like a stationer's shop..."

"The Document Examination Room, which occupied the whole front of the building under the roof, ~~smelled~~ stank like a stationer's shop..."
Psycho Mystery Editor has some gender issues:
"'... and explained to the jury that they needn't be frightened of the so-called scientific expert witnesses because none of us, including himself of course, really know what we're talking about.'"
becomes
"'... and explained to the jury that they needn't be frightened of the so-called scientific expert witnesses because none of us, including himself of course, really know what ~~we're~~ he's talking about.'"

"'Anyone who wants to enter from the side has to leave the dressing-room, scurry in their costume and probably in the rain through the graveyard and, if they don't trip over the gravestone, break their ankle, or fall into an open grave, finally make a triumphant, if damp, appearance on the proper side.'"
becomes
"'Anyone who wants to enter from the side has to leave the dressing-room, scurry in ~~their~~ his costume and probably in the rain through the graveyard and, if ~~they~~ he ~~don't~~ doesn't trip over the gravestone, break ~~their~~ his ankle, or fall into an open grave, finally make a triumphant, if damp, appearance on the proper side.'"
And lastly, Mystery Psycho Editor obviously believed some descriptions inadequate, because they (or, should I say, ~~they~~ he?), have felt compelled to add a word here or there:
"'He's got quite a library of books up there.'"
becomes
"'He's got quite a large library of books up there.'"

"'It was quite a coincidence, really."
becomes
"'It was quite a strange coincidence, really."

"'She'd only start criticising him for leaving me and the baby.'"
becomes
"'She'd only start adversly criticising him for leaving me and the baby.'"

These "corrections" (and many many more I've not listed) were so maddening and distracting that it rather makes me want to track down the culprit and fiercely glare at ~~them~~ him¹.

¹Of course, I have absolutely no idea if the Psycho Mystery Editor is male or female.

"mrs retson will feel much safer if we have muscular re-inforcements as near as the guest house."

2006-02-20T22:34:00.000+11:00

A way cool and groovy toy by way of the lovely flashman. Whack your URL in and just like magic you get a rather lovely image of the most commonly used words on your blog....

Mine is rather more positive than I would have supposed (note to self: be more nasty)! Although I rather think rather is missing, because, as you might have noticed, I rather have a propensity to use rather, rather a lot.

"why are you so down on your butler?" frank enquired.

2006-02-19T18:50:00.000+11:00

When we heard we were getting a contractor in Dept Cool-until-you-are-in-it who was "older", my first question was, "older like me, or older like the professor?". The answer was, "neither".

So I wasn't entirely sure what to expect.

What I did not expect was a 400 year old man. A 400 year old man who is a complete jerk.

Now I'm not generally down on people who are older. Hell, one of my favourite peeps at Marie Celeste is 78. I think 400 year old man would be a jerk irrespective of age.

You see, 400 year old man will. not. listen. We all tell him stuff he needs to know, invest much time and energy explaining how things work and answering his wacked out questions - which is totally fine and expected for a new person. In the middle of week two we worked out that he is asking each of us exactly the same questions - and that we are giving exactly the same answers - and yet he still asks, but he doesn't just confine these same questions to the members of Dept Cool-until-you-are-in-it - he expands his search to include people in other departments (who also give exactly the same answers).

When you endeavour to explain something to 400 year old man, he will constantly interrupt with "yes" every third word, he does not wait for a pause in the sentence, he's just interjecting "yes" constantly while you are speaking. This is one of the many, many things which is driving me completely and totally nuts.

While 400 year old man will happily interject "yes" constantly, woe betide you if you try to correct a factual error in one of his rambling discourses. 400 year old man will interrupt conversations with a "could I just run this past you?" and then announce, "now, as I understand it, baby cows are giraffes..." and when you begin to kindly say, "well, actually baby cows are calves, and..", he gets all fierce, almost shouting, "now, just bear with me while I finish what I was saying" and speaks for five minutes without pause about the ramifications of baby cows being giraffes. When he completes his rambling, you'll say gently, "well, no, as the professor and the pommy have already explained, baby cows are calves and so your plan for giraffes will not work in this context and, actually, your project is about moon seals." He'll then get even more cross and go off with a, "I have been given responsibilty for this project and baby cows are giraffes...". Then he'll wander off and repeat this exchange with others and explain his master plan involving dealing with the cow/giraffe issue and which completely ignores the moon seals. I could somewhat understand if 400 year old man had any experience at all in dealing with cows, giraffes or moon-seals, but he is a complete novice in this area.

It is becoming so awful in Dept Cool-until-you-are-in-it, that the professor, who rarely says a bad word about anyone (although he merrily tars me with the anglo-provincial brush), had a stand-up slanging match with him last week (when the shouting began, I escaped to my geeky pal and skulked back when it was all over, as I much prefer to talk about people behind their backs than being witness to confrontation).

Also, 400 year old man cheerfully picks his nose at his desk. And has an enourmous one of these. And refers to women as "birds". And that is not even half of the horror.

The upside is that Dept Cool-until-you-are-in-it are all bonding really well in the face of a common enemy.

"hardly. graham is very sensitive. in fact, he spends most of his time writing poetry."

2006-02-11T14:18:00.000+11:00

Nancy, reading aloud from crib notes for her assigned HSC English novel:
"'He believes his characters are interesting because they are flawed.'
"Hmpf, well he is mistaken, his characters are not interesting, his characters are dickheads."

The set text is ghastly. So ghastly that I cannot bring myself to read it (as is my usual practice, so that Nancy may bounce ideas off me, or so that I can more adquately provide assistance). Her entire class loathes it. Because of aforesaid ghastliness, we are treated to a constant stream of scathing Nancy commentary (directed at the author and occasionally the Board of Studies) whenever she picks the thing up.

The novel deals with delinquents in the Western Suburbs and the author tries to get all authentic by using colloquial language. He fails rather miserably, because, for example, I have never heard anyone under 50 years old refer to cigarettes as "cancer sticks". He might as well have used "ripping" and "topping" and "wizzard" for all the "authenticity" of his language.

We are all thankful that she is doing some work, even if it is not nearly enough, at least it is a beginning.

8<----------

I have been staggeringly busy at Marie Celeste (hence the lack of posts - it's all I can do to lay about exhausted on the couch when I arrive home in the evening). Department-cool-until-you-are-in-it have been involved in a rather large project. However, very late on Friday afternoon, we discovered an error of major proportions (thankfully not our fault) and so will need to spend the next week doing it all over again. But, hey, it's all a learning experience, right?

8<----------

We toddled along to the Kings Cross Organic Food and Farmers Market yesterday. It was rather disappointing in both size and variety. I have not visited the faux farmers market at Fox Studios (as mentioned in the comments for the last post by the lovely anyresemblance), but I imagine this compared much less favourably. However, all was not lost, as we picked up some sensational fresh pasta (best we've had for ages), a very nice apple pie and a rather nice tomato, chili and pepper pasta sauce. I can only hope it picks up some momentum, because this area should be a market ripe for the picking (dreadful puns unintended).

there's a generation gap between graham and me. but you fellows speak his lingo.

2006-02-01T19:53:00.000+11:00

My eldest baby had her last first day of school ever on Tuesday. It's hard to believe in less than three months, she'll be an adult (gods help us all).

Being that we were in a crafty mood on the weekend, Nancy decided to learn to sew (something she has shown precisely no interest in previously) and made herself a pair of pyjama pants from an old powerpuff girls duvet cover and used an old pair of pyjama pants as a pattern.

The cutting:

The completed product:

What a good girl.

And on a crafty note, I visited the Home Yardage closing down sale¹ and purchased some very cheap patterns for Bess:

Hopefully at last, she can have some decent clothing (if, of course, I actually get around to doing something about them!

8<------------------

This arrived in my letterbox during the week, looks most interesting and I plan to visit on the second sunday of the month to check it out:

¹Closes forever on 11 February! There is not a great deal left, but if you are after some decent vogue patterns or barbie clothes patterns (and are prepared to scrabble through baskets), get yourself down there.