Mothering4Money

How much does the Tooth Fairy pay your kid?

2009-11-14T21:19:00.002-06:00

The Daughter recently lost her first tooth and had a visit from the Tooth Fairy. Seems the other kids in her class got "a bundle of money" while the fairy that visited here just brought a handful of quarters and a dollar bill. Then today, unexpectedly, she lost another tooth. Turns out the Tooth Fairy needs a little advanced notice so she can run by the bank. Would it be incredibly wrong to take a couple of bucks out of The Daughter's piggy bank if I, umm the Tooth Fairy, made sure to replace it come Monday? I guess that would be Tooth Fairy robbing Paul to pay Peter, or something like that. What's the going rate for your kid's teeth?

Something from Italy ... in my bathroom!

2009-11-13T07:50:00.002-06:00

A leaky toilet repair revealed a mold problem which lead to a leaky and/or sweating pipe that had rotted a support beam underneath the house meaning a simple $20 fix turned into a several hundred dollar three-week-long job. The result? New Italian tile in the master bathroom, compliments of The Husband. Thank you. I've never had anything so fancy. Usually I just buy the cheapest linoleum remnant that somewhat matches and throw it down. But now? There is tile from ITALY on the floor in the bathroom. Next time I get a 24 hour upchuck virus I'll get to rest my sweaty throbbing head on cool beautiful tile and think happy thoughts about frolicking through Italy sipping Chianti.

Introducing ...

2009-11-12T06:01:00.003-06:00

A new girl, age 18, no internet pseudonym yet. Will be with us until graduating high school, maybe longer. Enjoys following me around, snooping through my purse, and rifling through the mail . Doesn't have a drivers license and doesn't seem to have a freaking clue about the real world. This is a first as our other teenagers all came to us with DL's in hand begging to drive. No boyfriend either which is also a first. Previous teens came with at least one actual date, if not multiple ones. She saw a boy at the ballgame the other night, didn't even meet him, just saw him across the court and fell into a crazy-land obsession. It's creepy. Seems to be more on a 13 or 14 year old level instead of an 18 year old's level. Very sheltered and misinformed.

She comes to us via a series of disruptions. The Fundamentalist Family* kept her two siblings, one younger and one older. Seems the siblings would argue and she wouldn't apologize so they said one more time and you're out. She was there for a year. Before that she was in a group home and before that she was with a foster parent for about a month. Before that she was with her sister's grandparents until they allegedly did some inappropriate touching. Before that was with biomom and stints with her friends, once going into foster care briefly. Most recently, after The Fundamentalist Family kicked her to the curb, she lived for two whole weeks with a woman who was taking GPS classes. By the time the woman was graduating she had already decided her 80 year old mother suddenly needed her and she couldn't foster any longer. For those weeks The New Girl didn't go to school at all. She came from a block schedule and didn't want to go to the only school locally that is also on block, so they were supposed to be signing up for correspondence classes but didn't get around to it. That whole placement sounds sketchy.

I've spent two days already this week trying to get her into a school, any school, she must go to school damnit! Problem number one is that her former school is refusing to send her transcripts. Problem number two is that her SW is on maternity leave and so several SWs are picking up different parts of the case which means stuff is falling through the cracks. Problem number three is that she makes impeccable grades but can't pass the Graduation Exam which means we don't know what she is really capable of handling. Can she do online classes on a block schedule while attending a local school? What if they get too hard or fast paced and she fails, then she can't graduate. Why does she make As but can't pass a basic exam?

I can't take another day of her here at home with me. She is glued to my side 24/7 and I am not exaggerating at all. I go to the bathroom just to get away from her and she follows me and stands outside the door talking. If I go to change BabyBoy's dirty diaper, I assume he and I are alone in the room until I turn around and almost bump into her she is standing so close behind me. It's unnerving.

The big D word has been bouncing around in my mind. Maybe it's because I'm sick with the flu and therefore short tempered or rather more short tempered than normal, but today I'm thinking about disrupting. Typing that word out feels so dirty and I know that I won't do it but good gosh she has got to go somewhere during the day. Out of all 8 placements, this one fits our family the least.

Don't worry, she isn't going anywhere. Just have to find ways to alleviate the stress and get her into school and teach her boundaries and other stuff.

*The Fundamentalist Family makes Jerry Falwell and Billy Graham look like a couple of tame pussycats. They are completely out of touch with the reality of the world. To them Obama is a radical Muslim and Russia is threatening to turn off all our electricity and water with a bomb. Girls don't need the right to vote, work, or own property, they need a man to take care of them. Only Christian doctors tell the truth and birth control will make you sick and kill you.

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

What's in a name anyway?

2009-11-11T13:47:00.001-06:00

Nine years ago on Veteran's Day weekend, The Husband and I met for the first time. Two months later we were married. Two more months later we finally moved in together. Six months from that he headed to Afghanistan. Seven years and eight months later he went to Iraq as a civilian. I never thought things would go the way they have. It's been a roller coaster ride with lots of trap doors and fun-house mirrors. Like the SERE school of life with certain people putting more emphasis on the RE part while wrapping heads with comforters like you'd wrap a present with paper asphyxiating the package with a neat little thigh shaped bow.

So today seems like as good a day as any to give The Husband a new internet name. I've been meaning to give everyone new aliases that were more descriptive yet anonymous. Afterall, The Daughter may not always be my only daughter and BabyBoy won't be a baby forever. But I need suggestions and that's where you, my dear readers, come in. The Husband looks like a cross between Ed Harris and Mr Clean but can't use those names because they are already taken. Besides it would lead people here who were looking for celebrity gossip or cleaning tips and gosh knows I don't clean. His common nick names include Mr Mensa Knuckle Dragger and Genius said sarcastically when he does something worthy of a Darwin award. Obviously I'd prefer something a little less extreme. Afterall, "That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet." Ideas?

Hair Ball

2009-11-10T23:06:00.003-06:00

Went to watch The Cheerleader cheer at a game tonight. Her mom, freshly out of jail and thankfully still clean and sober, came to the game also and it was nice to see them interact. I haven't been to a basketball game since I last cheered back in 1991. It was fun to witness The Cheerleader in her element ... my old element at my alma mater. All the kids running around were easily recognizable as so and so's child since just about everybody still lives out there and it's a very small town. A couple of younger kids sitting in front of us would yell out "hairball" any time a player would shoot an air ball. Kidspeak cracks me up.

Take a ride on my Bendaroo tractor

2009-11-09T08:02:00.000-06:00

Chocolate Gravy

2009-11-08T13:43:00.000-06:00

Chocolate Gravy is apparently a southern specialty because I've yet to find a restaurant north of the mason dixon that serves it for breakfast. Of course there's no sweet tea either, and that should just be against the law!

The Recipe

Blend in pan
2 Tbs Cocoa
1/2 Cup Sugar
1 Tbs Flour
1/4 Stick Butter
Dash of Salt

Add
2 Cups Milk

Mix well and cook on medium heat, stirring occasionally, until thickened. Serve over biscuits.

We double the recipe for our family of 4 to 6.

Between, Georgia

2009-11-07T23:27:00.000-06:00

I've been doing an internship at the library for a few weeks now. Every week I bring home a stack of books. This week I checked out seven. While shelving books if something catches my eye, I put it aside. If I read the back cover or some random page and it hooks me in, then I take it home with me and we curl up together under the covers. Here's why I choose this book:

Nonny Frett knows the meaning of "rock" and "hard place" better than any woman ever born. She's got two mothers, "one deaf-blind and the other four baby steps from flat crazy."

I live in a small place like Between, Georgia and my mama's side is like the Fretts while my daddy's side is Crabtree to the core. Give Bernese 5 or 6 husbands, OCD, and paranoia and she'd be my Grandmother. Heck the book's even got fourth cousins, three times removed, hooking up. It's like Joshilyn Jackson was spying on us 'cept for my cousin married his first cousin, no times removed.

The female characters are strong, independent, fierce, and loving. The dialogue is laugh out loud funny. I would have preferred for the whole man rescues woman via love-gasm thing to have been left out, but this is definitely a two thumbs up beach read type of book.

And the award goes to

2009-11-06T15:57:00.005-06:00

Snarky Mom from Postcards from Insanity gave me the Kreativ Blogger award, mainly because she gets so damn many awards that she ran out of people to nominate. At some point she had to get to the bottle of the barrel, and there I was reeking like chopped liver. Kidding!

Here are the rules:

Ah, fuckit, who cares about the rules anyway. Let's get creative!

Some things that people may not know about me, because it's all about ME.

1. I've always wanted to learn to fence.

2. I don't like to socialize. Wait, you might already know that about me.

3. I was a cheerleader in parts of Jr High and High School.

4. I write right handed but do most everything else with my left.

5. I've been pregnant twice. My first baby floated around in me dead for months without me knowing. As in it was 2nd trimester before I finally got to see a doctor. And that was because I was already bleeding and miscarrying and hysterically demanding that I see a doctor NOW. And the doc was an orthopedic surgeon. Military healthcare sucks ass. That statement may ruffle feathers.

6. Fake tits sag too. They are just more expensive.

7. I have an unnatural fear of dying young. (totally stole this one, but it applies)

8. Originally this was supposed to have seven things but I wanted an even ten.

9. I can pick things up with my toes.

10. I want a large family. Okay, so you already know that too. Oh well.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

2009-11-05T08:29:00.002-06:00

I took the kids to see this movie when it initially came out. First though they had to do chores, as did I, to earn a trip to the theater. Some people thought I was being mean. They thought washing the walls was cruel and unusual punishment. As if dropping $30 for an hour long movie is a natural given right of all children everywhere. I don't mind taking them to the drive inn where $10 gets a momvan load of kidlets in to see not one, but TWO movies, and there is a free ginormous bag of popcorn. But apparently a 3D movie is ten bucks a pop at the theater and I took two kids and myself. Got a babysitter for BabyBoy.

The Daughter ended up not wearing her 3D glasses because doing so scared her. Things in movies should not jump out at 6 year olds. Especially giant lifesize meatballs. And most especially not Mr T's buttcheeks. Not that the movie really stayed true to the book, because it didn't. That beautiful mound of snow white mashed potatoes with the sunset yellow pat of butter at the end? Not even in the movie. What a travesty.

About BabyBoy and his new sibling

2009-11-04T20:30:00.005-06:00

I've intentionally avoided blogging much about BabyBoy mainly because of all the hoopla surrounding the case and blah blah blah confidentiality blah blah, but I know y'all are curious so I'll share.

We're going forward with the adoption. The Husband is home. The SW came out to meet him and she told him if he wasn't on board to send her a wink, a nod, or to call her cell phone when I wasn't around. Apparently CPS didn't believe it was him calling them from Iraq. They thought I had my dad or someone to fake the call. I took that offensively because they are essentially saying they think my character stinks. The SW told me that as soon as The Husband was stateside that the adoption would be done in less than two weeks. It could be done in two days if he was being sent somewhere else soon. She said she had all the paperwork done. Of course she didn't.

So last month she said she would submit for the zero subsidy. This month she said she will submit for the subsidy "soon". I suspect she will never submit for the zero subsidy.

Just like they never submitted for the daycare assistance back when I was working and I recently had to pay the daycare hundreds of dollars because CPS didn't pay. Every month the SW says she will submit for this assistance, every month the daycare says they haven't been paid.

The wording on the ISPs from BabyBoy's birth on for about 6 months said "transfer of custody to relative placement" with contingency being "adoption by current foster family", then when all relatives had been pursued it changed to simply "adoption by current foster family". It was this way for more than a year. Then when I told the old worker that I thought The Husband wouldn't adopt, and the case got changed to the current worker, and they almost took BabyBoy away, CPS changed the wording without even asking The Husband what he wanted to do to "adoption, no identified resource". This change was in haste and when The Husband found out what all was going on stateside he contacted the worker via email and her cell phone to let her know he was on board with the adoption. Yes, I'm leaving out a lot of details here. CPS wouldn't change the wording back though until they met him. Because all the times that all the workers had met him over the past 2+ years didn't count. He wasn't real then apparently. Must have been carrying around a blow up doll? Or I'm a master ventriloquist / puppeteer? Anyway, when he got back home they still wouldn't change the wording on the ISP. They said he has to be home for at least a month before they will change it back to what it was before they tried to take BabyBoy away. They have promised to change it back this month.

At last month's homevisit BabyBoy's worker told me that a friend of a social worker wanted to adopt BabyBoy's in-utero sibling. We had suspected BirthMom was pregnant but didn't know for sure. See, she quit her job and all three phone numbers I had for them have been disconnected. I can not locate them despite multiple attempts. We have had a good relationship but I've never given them my contact info. Anyway, I had a feeling that the worker knew more than she was sharing. I figured the other worker helped her friend make contacts and do what needed to be done in order to adopt BabyBoy's sibling privately. I called BB's worker to ask if this was what was going on but of course she didn't take my call and didn't return my call. Today though she called me to schedule a homevist for this month and Oh, by the way, to let me know that another person called CPS wanting BabyBoy's sibling. This person claims to have been paying the medical cost for BirthMom but said she doesn't know her last name. She intends to adopt privately though and was wanting to know what she needed to do. They ran her name and she has 5 counts of somethingorother against her. Doesn't matter though, if she has those adoption papers then the baby is hers. Or the other familys. Or anyone else that thinks they are adopting the baby and is therefore giving the birth parents money. It's a circus.

At first I was hurt because I couldn't understand why they wouldn't want the sibling to come here with BabyBoy. Then I thought that maybe they are up to something more ... they can get someone to legally adopt for them and then they can get the baby back and raise it. Or maybe they are tired of making babies and loosing them and being poor so they have decided to make some money off this baby. Or maybe they have no intention of staying in this state and are just playing all these people to get medical and housing and food and when birthing time comes they will go over state lines and get to keep the baby. I figure they know they will loose the baby so they have decided to make some money off this one. I just can't understand why they didn't come to me and ask me to do a private adoption. I would have. There is only three places I think this baby needs to be 1) with it's birth parents 2) with the other 4 siblings or 3) here with a sibling.

I fear saying too much because I don't want to seem like I'm so desperate to get this baby. I don't want CPS to think I want a baby, any baby, regardless. They would use that as an example of me not being attached to BabyBoy. It's an awful situation. I've had a good friend who is also infertile ask if she could have this new baby. I've had fellow foster and adoptive parents say with a disapproving face "You don't want another one, do you?" I've had people not look me in the eye when word of the new baby comes up. I've had family members tell me I'm fucking up by pursuing the adoption of BabyBoy much less wanting to open my home to another child. There is still more to this story that I haven't found out yet. Someone knows more than they are telling and I intend to find out what and who and where and why and how, but it takes time and work and I am so busy with other things. Like applying for jobs and grad school and doing an internship and foster parent association shit and volunteering and navigating school politics and household repairs and kid's medical stuff and activities and family birthdays and oh yeah, the holidays are just around the corner. But so is the birth of BabyBoy's sibling.

Iris Has a Virus

2009-11-03T09:05:00.002-06:00

And on this farm she had a pig ei ei o. With an oink oink here and an oink oink there. Here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink oink. Well, Iris doesn't have the swine flu but she does have a virus that she shares with her brother. And if the book were to really tell the truth, Iris's brother then probably shared the virus with mom and/or dad and probably half the class at school. Because that's what is happening at The Daughter's school right now ... a bunch of students out sick. BabyBoy's daycare class is sharing stomatitis. Kids are so nice!

National Blog Posting Month

2009-11-02T05:47:00.001-06:00

Once again I'm participating in NaBloPoMo which basically just means I'll ~~attempt to~~ post every day of the month.

I have a few things planned to blog about, but will surely need ideas to make it the whole thirty days. Do you have any questions for me to answer? Any topics you'd like me to address? Ideas you want to share? If not, prepare for things to be brought out of the drafts folder and posted along with book and movie reviews. And pictures, lots of pictures. I think that's how I got through last year?

And a baby on the way

2009-11-01T06:03:00.000-06:00

BabyBoy's birth parents are expecting. Word is that BirthMom is 7.5 months pregnant. Child number 6. More later ...

Down a kid

2009-10-31T06:20:00.000-05:00

The Cheerleader has left the building. She had been packed for weeks and loaded the van up the night before court with the expectation of going home. Her behaviors had escalated to the point where I was glad to see her go. I know that sounds horrible. I've cried when every child left our home, except for her. She had just made it super bright and clear that she was not happy about being here and didn't intend to make it pleasant for anyone involved. In the past two weeks there was sneaking out, lying, manipulating, triangulating, hiding things, talking back, not doing chores, intentionally consuming the last of food items and then laughing about it, and failure to comply with court mandated request. The more of her family that I met, the more clearly I could understand why she is the way that she is. They all operate that way. This isn't a typical family in need of CPS services. They are city employees, nurses, cops, office managers, etc so it's bizarre to witness their behaviors and try and get them to take responsibility for The Cheerleader being in care in the first place.

I was once again reminded at how children in foster care tend to create a fantasy family. The Cheerleader had talked about her family's money, their house with the high ceilings and expensive furnishings, their Mustangs and motorcycles, and all the great things they were going to buy her. I believed it because she wore Coach glasses and Jimmy Choo shoes, as do they. She complained about our shoddy screen door, the tiny bedrooms, having to share a bathroom with the other kids, and about our old TV with rabbit ears. So I wasn't prepared to pull up at her Nanny's and see a house half the size of ours with a screen door that was hanging off kilter and a bedroom so small you could extend your arms and touch all four walls. Sure the room was filled with guitars and computers, her Grandpa's toys that take over The Cheerleader's bedroom, and the TV was as large as the entire wall, but she'll have to share a bathroom with everyone there as there is only one and where she had 1400 sq ft to complain about here, she'll have roughly 700 to 900sq ft there.

I told her that if she comes back into care that she is welcomed here if there is an opening. She wants to go to the woman's house who ran against me for secretary of the foster parent association (you know the one who got it, then complained about it, then finally quit) because she lives in a large 5000sq ft house on the lake. Funny that lady recently had two kids to run away from her home and CPS called me to take one of them. They said it was only for overnight but I declined because we have tons going on right now. The people that took the 14 year old still have her ... over night schmover night. Anyway, The Cheerleader's worker said if The Cheerleader comes back into care that she will immediately go into a group home. They want her to learn a lesson. That'll be interesting.

Another reason to trust my intuition

2009-10-30T12:13:00.001-05:00

A while back I was kicking myself for not following my gut. I tend to make decisions with my heart and not with my head. My head's too busy with the paranoia stuff. Every time I don't heed that nagging feeling that something just isn't right, it usually turns out to be ... well, not right. For some reason, maybe the fact that people around me say I'm crazy for thinking a certain way or the enormous self-doubt I seem to have acquired through a lifetime of good southern girl socialization, but I have a hard time actually learning to trust that my gut? It knows a thing or two.

Last year in The Daughter's kindergarten class there was a boy we'll call John Hancock. He came after the first of the year and was really shy. Eventually he warmed up to the boys and sometimes would talk to me, but not so much to the teacher or the girls in the class. His mom came to all the class parties and usually brought along a child or two. I had a feeling that they needed financial help. They would pay for things with coins and wouldn't let JH go on field trips. When I offered to pay for his field trip, the teacher said his parents wouldn't let him go anyway. She said they had the money but just didn't want him to go. I trusted that she knew what she was talking about. I trusted that she knew something that I didn't. Like maybe that his parents felt that JH should experience the museum with them, not with his classmates. Or maybe his parents had a child die from being left on a school bus at a field trip. Or something. The teacher pointed out that the family bought the largest $200 picture package every time the school took pics. She also couldn't understand why I thought the family needed help.

Hang in there, I have a point.

Last year I couldn't articulate why I felt they needed help, hell I can't now either. There were silly things like the fact that JH wore the same shoes every single day even though they were ill fitting, worn slap out, and stank to high heaven. Something about his and his mother's vibe felt eerily like my childhood. There is a timid personality and then there is scared from abuse and I felt theirs, like ours back then, was the later. Now I wish I could go back and just ask the mom if she needed help. Maybe I could have just sent her the information for local shelters, foodbanks, etc. Or I could have been more friendly and tried to set up playdates so that we could have gotten to know them better. Instead, I did nothing. I didn't trust my gut enough.

Recently in court I was thumbing through a magazine when I heard JH's name called. I looked up to see his mom walking to the front of the court room. Her children were taken. I don't know why. After The Cheerleader's case was over and we had our closure ISP meeting, I went to talk with JH's mom. I gave her my info and told her to let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I didn't ask any personal questions except to see where the kids were placed (with family). I can't help but to wonder if this could have been avoided if I had acted last year. Why didn't I say something last year?

Who are you?

2009-10-29T13:14:00.005-05:00

Hello! Welcome to my online home. As you read my post, you get to know me, but unless you comment I can't get to know you. So, who are you? How did you find my blog? What do we have in common? For what reason do you continue to read here? Or for what reason do you intend to stop reading here? Please, come on in and get comfortable. Post a comment telling me a little about yourself. Even if it's just a "Hey, it's J. You know who I am." BTW, I used her as an example because we talk and text and she also reads here from time to time so that would be all I would need to know from her.

My curiosity became aroused when I started getting visitors that come from the same IP address and check in every hour or two ALL DAY LONG. Are you on house arrest? How do you have time to get online that much every day? Perhaps an easy job would allow for 8 to 10 hours of internet surfing, but this starts at like 6am and goes until midnight. Do you have a laptop chained to your body? Perhaps it's a cellphone? Would you like for me to suggest some other, perhaps more interesting, websites for you? Don't you get bored coming here hour after hour and day after day when there aren't any new posts? The curiosity is killing me! So comment already, who are you?

Do you know me from Silent Warriors? If so are you waving a white flag, an attack flag, or a spy flag? Did you get here from that article on BabiesOnline? Were you googling random words and just happened upon this site? If you are one of the gazillion people who landed here while looking for images of dinosaurs and their footprints, please leave a comment letting me know what you are doing with those images. You do realize of course that the pictures I post here are copyrighted by me. Or are you that person locally who seems intent on wasting lunch break coming to my blog? Or the other local one(s) gathering info for gossip? Are you a fellow foster parent? An adoptive parent? An infertile like me? Have PCOS? Like to read? Come on out of the closet people ... speak up, say something ... who are YOU?

The Cheerleader is on Probation

2009-10-26T08:23:00.003-05:00

Remember when I blogged about The Cheerleader's SW calling to inform me of a speeding ticket? The ticket The Cheerleader had successfully hidden from me for weeks. The ticket The Cheerleader had lied about to her counselor/therapist saying it was her best friends. The ticket that the best friend's parents stayed mad for a whole 24 hours about. The ticket that I didn't punish her too bad for because she was already being told she couldn't hang out with her best friend ever again (the BF's parents reneged within 24 hours), the SW was threatening consequences (yet didn't come out for a homevist for two months), the financial fine was estimated to be $225 and besides I didn't want to seem hypocritical since I had gotten pulled over with The Cheerleader in the momvan with me going a similar speed (I got a warning, not a ticket). So I made her do an extra chore or two and then she was off the hook with me. It took her a week to do the chores even though I told her as soon as they were finished, that she was ungrounded.

Fast forward to a week before her court date for the speeding ticket (81 in a 55) and she had to face the reality of not getting to go home to bio family before court. She expected them to pay for the ticket. She also expected them to buy her a wig when she fried her hair, but they didn't do that either, thankfully. Natural consequences work ... if not intervened by enabling family members. Then she had to face the reality that CPS wasn't going to pay her ticket for her either. They were going to try and get ILP funds if she did extra work, but then she quit doing regular chores and quit following ILP rules and so that whole thing was taken away. So once again I gave her the opportunity to complete a list of chores around the house in exchange for her entire ticket being paid so she wouldn't have to attend court, but she refused. She said the chore list was too long and that she wouldn't be able to complete it before going home (first presented this option to her last month when she had plenty of time). She also said the chores were too hard and she was not physically capable of doing them (yet she can do flips, tumble, cheer, etc). That left her with the option of going to court and trying to get out of the ticket somehow.

The Cheerleader was convinced that because she was a student in high school that she would have her entire fine dismissed and she would only have to attend driving school. She also thought that by mentioning the name of the person with whom she used to reside, since he is a cop, it would get her out of trouble. If all else failed, she said she would just pay it all in monthly installments. Where would she get the money for this payment plan? Her biofam of course, you know the ones who dropped her off at CPS or the ones who refused to let her come live with them or the ones who are in jail or the one she is finally going to live with that is so permissive and naive. It looked like she might not learn anything from this at all.

Then, the SW asked for Community Service for The Cheerleader! She has to work *gasp* in order to pay her fines which now include court cost in addition to ticket costs. The part I didn't see coming? Probation for TWO YEARS. She has to report to a parole officer ... just like her momma. They think it's funny. This magnetic-like pull that these kids seem to have towards recreating their bio parents lifestyle? I think it's sad.

Halloween Books for Children

2009-10-18T06:29:00.000-05:00

We've been reading a lot of Junie B Jones books lately. I didn't think The Daughter was ready for them, but apparently she is. I guess first grade is when it all starts and I was living in denial thinking she was back in preschool or something. Anyway, here are just a few of our favorite books to read around Halloween. Do you and your kids have a favorite?

Chicken Poop

2009-10-17T15:09:00.002-05:00

Not just any chicken poop, but free range chicken poop! I was at the Tractor Supply store when I saw this chapstick and I thought "Only in the south ..." but come to find out it is made in Kansas, of all places. I don't care for the smell of it, or the taste, but I still carry it around in my purse because it makes me smile.

Fall is in the air

2009-10-14T16:21:00.002-05:00

I get SAD this time of year. I miss the summer, the heat, going swimming, wearing sandals, and I especially miss the sun. It is raining here again. It has rained out the past several weeks of soccer games and now it has rained out the makeup games. It has rained out horse riding lessons and makeup horse riding lessons. It has rained out the pumpkin patch field trip at school, playdates at the park, and end of season cookouts. I guess all the rain gives me something to blame my disposition on. When someone asks why I'm so distracted or why I look so sad, I can just reply "Ahh, this weather! Will we ever see the sun again?" and then the conversation changes and I'm off the hook.

Asking for good thoughts

2009-10-12T09:25:00.003-05:00

I can't be specific here except to say that I would very much appreciate good thoughts, vibes, warm fuzzies, and even prayers. Please. Specific things to pray or cast a spell for are 1) to keep BabyBoy 2) to obtain employment 3) peace for all the broken hearts. I'll try to send out a mass email later but right now I'm running way late to my first day of an unpaid internship at the library. And I keep having to run to the bathroom. And I'm struggling to keep my shit together. And it's all just starting ...

Bendaroo Butterfly

2009-10-07T06:04:00.002-05:00

Turns out Bendaroos (now available at Walmart and ToysRUs) are a little too hard for 6 year olds, but 17 year olds love it. Not that they would admit to enjoying playing with a kid toy or anything.

Nurturing through Mealtime

2009-10-06T09:47:00.005-05:00

In GPS class we were told that one of the main reasons people disrupt is because of mealtime struggles. It's not the only reason of course, more like the straw that broke the camels back, but it is indicative of the love the parent is trying to bestow on the child and the child rejects. Back then I couldn't understand why anyone would disrupt over something so simple as mealtime, but now after having parented seven children, I get it. It's not easy on the child to be in foster care or a new home, to be taken care of by a new parental figure, to trust someone to meet their needs, to be vulnerable enough to accept love, and to return love. It's also not easy for the parental figure to give, give, give, and to feel as if they never receive anything in return. Unfortunately that is part of this whole fostering and adopting gig. Occasionally though there are rewards, maybe small, but they are very worthwhile.

Like when a child initially refuses to eat dinner with the family but then comes out of her room, gives you a hug and apologizes, then sits down to eat dinner. Finally she shares that this particular meal is the only thing her mom ever cooked for her and it is hard for her to eat it when cooked by someone other than her mom. Small things matter. Or when a teen finally decides to learn some new recipes after months of stonewalling because her Nanny is the only one allowed to teach her to cook. Or when a younger child stops eating everything in sight because she has finally started to trust that there will always be food available in this house. Possibly the most heartwearming for me was being invited to a former foster daughter's apartment to eat a meal she learned to prepare while living here. Those are the moments that make it worth it. Those are the moments you have to hold onto in order to get through the more trying times.

For example when a child refuses to eat dinner with the family but then makes a sandwich in the dark after everyone goes to bed. Or when a child obsessively hoards food and you find it stuffed, molded, under the mattress on the bed. Especially when a child tells her worker that she isn't being fed dinner tonight because it is a "free for all / fix your own" night but neglects to mention to said worker that she went out with friends to eat at Taco Bell and didn't come home until after the rest of the family had already consumed their standard 5pm meal. There were leftovers in the fridge, by the way, that I offered to heat up for her and sit at the table with her while she ate. Turns out they tend to reject the love via food but have a complete come apart if it isn't there. They NEED it. They NEED the nurturing, the love, the comfort, the consistency of home cooked meals on the table at a set time but they may never ever tell you. So, don't give up ... keep on keeping on.

Official Cowgirl

2009-09-30T22:47:00.001-05:00

The Daughter's new boots. She's officially a cowgirl. At 6 years old she wears a 1.5 in big kid's sizes. Still can't believe we have to shop in a different department for her clothing. Wasn't it just yesterday that she was a baby? I was going to buy myself some brown boots but they were $150 (originally $300 but 50% off due to going out of business sale)! Just couldn't spend that much on shoes, especially not for myself.