The World as My Mirror

Officially Closed

2006-08-10T14:55:00.000-04:00

After months of relative silence, I've decided to announce that I'm officially closing this blog. For anyone who actually has an interest in anything I might have to say, I would encourage them to check out Movable Type Blog on the Northerngrove.com domain. That's where I'm going to focus most of my attention.

I would delete this blog outright, but I have many friends who write here, and this blog makes it easier to post comments on their blogs.

To the good folks at Blogger.com, I thank them for allowing me to post my thoughts through their site. I have nothing but the utmost respect for the service you offer.

Well, crud.

2006-04-28T22:02:00.000-04:00

I may end up changing my hosting provider for my web site. My domain registration is going to expire in about twelve days, and I can't renew it right now. You see, my hosting provider usually handles this, but for some reason, she hasn't. I've tried contacting her and haven't heard anything.

To further compolicate matters, I have to go through a three day (or better) process in order to arrange to handle the renewal myself. You see, the registration service needs the password or credit card number used to register/renew the domain last. I don't have that, and as the email address on record for the customer account isn't mine, I can't reset the password and have the new one sent to me. So now I have to fill out a form requesting that the domain name be moved to an account I can access. I also need to provide ID demonstrating that I "own" the domain name. Fortunately, I am listed as the registrant in the database, or I'd be completely out of luck.

I've been looking at a different hosting service, anyway. It's the one that the POC website is through. It offers a few more options than I currently have. And if something's going on with my current provider, it gives me more reason to consider changing now. Of course, I want to do some looking into it, first. I need to find out how much more difficult it's going to be to actually move my domain name to a completely different hosting service. And of course, I also want to make sure I can install Movable Type there. I'd hate to have to switch blog software. Especially since I have a paid license for MT.

A Life Lesson Taught by the Queen of the Prudes

2006-04-14T13:50:00.000-04:00

For the first few years after graduating from college, I'd often go back and visit friends I had made among those in younger classes. I'd often make a weekend of it, crashing on the floor of someone's dorm room or on one of the couches in the quad where some of my friends lived.

I remember one time I went to visit and spent the last half hour of my trip visiting with Kathryn. Kathryn had started dating one of my classmates, Tim, our senior year. As Kathryn was a freshman, she had three more years to go after Tim and I graduated. I wouldn't say that Kathryn and I were ever all that close. Mostly, I knew her because of my friendship with Tim. As we sat there talking that day, Kathryn asked in her ever-curious tone of voice, "So, do you have a boyfriend?" I'm not sure if Kathryn ever realized how much that question shocked me. You see, Kathryn was probably one of the last people I ever would've expected to ask me such a question -- let alone in such a casual, conversational manner.

You see, Kathryn, like most of my friends and acquaintances from college (or at least the ones I hung out with up until my last semester) were conservative, evangelical, and often fundamentalist Christians. In fact, I always (and still do, though I think five years of marriage to Tim has mellowed her some) thought of Kathryn as the "Queen of the prides." She was often vastly disapproving of the slightly more risquee bouts of humor the rest of my social circle was fond of. And while she was willing to wear clothing that bared her ankles, she was tended to dress rather conservatively or "plainly." And yet, despite all of her conservatism and prudishness, she calmly and sincerely asked a gay friend if he had a boyfriend -- without ulterior motives, no less!

I think that moment has driven home the point that people can surprise you more than any other moment in my life. In that moment, I was faced with the fact that my preconceived notions about how Kathryn would treat me -- though they were based on what I still consider to be pretty compelling evidence -- were quite wrong. I had misjudged her. It made me stop and think about how it's too easy to make incorrect assumptions about how people will act in any given situation, even when those assumptions seem reasonable.

I wish I could say that I learned my lesson about making assumptions about other people, but I can't. I've since had many conversations where I had to admit that I fell prey to preconceived notions about how friends, acquaintances, and even strangers would react or what they were thinking in a given situation. I probably always will. But I at least try to remember that one question asked by the Queen of the prides when I catch myself making such assumptions. And then I try to open myself to the possibility that the person I'm dealing with may surprise me, too.

Thoughts on "The Visitation"

2006-04-10T12:32:00.000-04:00

This weekend, I ran to Blockbuster and rented a copy of "The Visitation," a movie that is "loosely based" on the novel by the same title, written by Frank Peretti.; I originally started reading Peretti's novels when I was in high school. A good adult friend from my little hometown church recommended them to me, and I was hooked. Even now that I don't agree with the author's theology, I can still enjoy many of his works.

Unfortunately, I was dismayed by the changes made when transforming this book into a movie. This was particularly dismaying as Peretti was listed as one of the producers, suggesting that he had (though limited I'm sure) some say in these changes. Primarily, a number of characters were changed, merged, or just plain deleted. A prime example of this was the circumstances surrounding the death Travis Jordan's wife. This had the effect of transforming Jordan from a man mourning the loss caused by a disease he and his church couldn't "pray away" into a man who was bitter do to an unsolved murder.

Normally, I can be fairly understanding when things are changed in order to make a book-based movie "work." Books and movies are completely different media, and what works in one doesn't always work in the other. But the changes to the characters and plot-lines in this case represent a change to the entire theme of the original book.

"The Visitation" was a rather unique book amongst Peretti's writing experiences. It was different in that it was about something Peretti doesn't often write about. Unlike books where he's focused on the spiritual or supernatural -- like "This Present Darkness" -- or some particular issue of religio-political significance -- like "Prophet" -- this book focuses on people, as well as people's experiences with "church stuff." The supernatural "miracles" of the man who would be the new Jesus take a secondary role to the people who are reacting to him, or to Travis's painful memories of his memories -- both pleasant and unpleasant -- of life in the church. It is these things that made me appreciate this book most out of all of his other novels. And I was saddened to see all of this missing from the movie.

The movie itself was pretty good for a movie. But I think that everyone did both the movie and an excellent novel a great disservice by associating it -- even "loosely" -- with Peretti's awesome book. And I'm disappointed that Peretti would not only allow it to happen, but appears to have been at least partly involved in such a travesty.

If Pagans are poor, how are we defining "poor"?

2006-03-16T09:56:00.000-05:00

Last night during the POC board meeting, someone brought up the fact that "Pagans are poor." Now, Tracie's old teacher, Jack, used to have a big issue with this claim. He challenged that there was no need for Pagans to be poor, and that believing we are inherently and necessarily poor goes against some of the basic tenets of Pagan philosophies and religions.

I'm inclined to agree with Jack. But as I think about last night, I have to admit that I have to think about the person who said it. This is the same person who mentioned multiple times last night that she had a great house with the extra space for a classroom/ritual space for her coven. She also mentioned that her husband was in advertising. Now, last I knew, most jobs in advertising (short of working in the mailroom, maybe?) are professional-grade jobs. I also suspect that most people working in advertising have a 401k plan or some other retirement savings plan. So my question is, what definition of "poor" could possibly be broad enough to include this woman and her family?

As I think about the rest of the people in the room, there were two of us who are also software engineers, another paid professions. One of the women there came to the meeting with her supper -- takeout from what I understand to be "the most expensive sushi restaurant in Rochester." And with the possible exception of a couple of the quieter people, I think all of us in the room have at least one computer in our homes.

Again, I ask: What definition of "poor" could possibly include most of the people who were present last night? The only ones that currently come to mind are "not independently wealthy," "not stinking rich," "not making as much money as I like," and "can't support my current lifestyle without getting up to my eyeballs in debt."

I'm not poor by any stretch of my imagination. Sure, I still have to work every day. But I also have a savings account that is growing quite nicely, two retirement plans (neither of which I can currently contribute to, but that's only because I don't work for the companies the plans are through, and besides, I hope to have a new plan I will contribute to with my new employer by the end of the year), and a (rented) townhouse with a spare bedroom and an extra room in the basement. And I certainly don't have to juggle my bills. And I'd say that there were at least two families in the room last night -- including that of the woman declaring all Pagans poor -- that are probably about in the same boat I'm in. (The only difference I'd expect to find is that they probably have less available spending money for impulse buying and other piddly stuff.)

Now, I'm sure there are legitimately poor Pagans. (There are certainly Pagans not living with the same level of financial comfort and luxry I have.) But I think that we Pagans (and probably American society as a whole, but I'm focused on Pagans right now) need to stop and think about how quickly we're grabbing that "poor" classification for ourselves. To me, our quickness to say we're poor is an indicator that we're still in bondage to the whole "more money is better" misconception. After all, as another religion's book wisely warns, "the love of money is the root of all evil." (I'm not sure I totally agree, but it's the root of a lot of evil.)

Reflections on another blogger's thoughts about gay pride

2006-03-14T12:24:00.000-05:00

I decided to check out The Last Debate this morning while waiting to start my tasks here at work this morning. I was glad I did, because I found that the author had written an excellent entry on his coming out experience and gay pride last week. I'd encourage everyone to go read it, and think it over for a bit. I think that most gay people can say that it's fairly representative of the inner turmoils we've all gone through -- maybe tougher in some cases, certainly milder in other cases.

Andy brings all of this up to make his point about "gay pride," and I think he's right on the money. Let me quote him: "We celebrate Gay Pride because we made it." I don't think I could have said it any better. In fact, anything I'm about to add (and you know I'm going to add my piece because, hey, this is my blog) cannot outshine that simple statement.

When I finally came out to myself during my senior year of college, I had no use for "gay pride." I could understand accepting that I'm gay and working to come to terms with it. But to be proud of it? To me, that made as much sense as being proud of having blue eyes -- and I often said as much.

Eventually, I came around to Andy's way of thinking. I realized I did have a lot to be proud of. I learned to denounce others' moralizing to define my own self-worth on my own terms. I learned (well, I'm still learning in some cases) to ignore the negative pronouncements of other, less-than-compassionate people rather than taking their consternation and condemnation to heart. I learned to not only survive in spite of all the negativity and the frequent lack of support, but to thrive in the midst of it. If that's not something to be proud of, I don't think there's anything at all worth being proud of.

It took me a while to come to that realization. But eventually, I learned to be proud of myself and what I've managed to accomplish with my life, and that includes all that I've done as a gay man. And I'm glad to hear other people like Andy echo similar sentiments.

Lost a "home" for religious discourse

2006-02-18T15:17:00.000-05:00

The powers that be over at the Paintball Review Forums decided to permanently remove the Religion and Philosophy forum. (They also axed the World Politics forum, but I tended to stay out of there as a rule, and don't mind it's disappearance.) I have to admit that I'm a bit saddened by this. While I certainly respect PBR administration's right to make this decision -- and even admit that they probably thought long and hard before making the decision -- I can't think about the handful of awesome, respectful, and insightful posters there. I'm going to miss that.

Anyone who has spent any time at any sort of religious forums quickly discover that creating an atmosphere that attacts and keeps the kind of discourses people can truly enjoy are few and far between. So when you find such a place, you tend to latch on to it. Oh, don't get me wrong. The R/P forum at PBR had its problems But compared to a lot of places, it really managed to rise above the "noise" and get some great discussions going.

The only other forum that I can think of that might come close to that is the CPPA Forums. Unfortunately, it's a forum that tends to focus on Christianity and it's promotion -- and rightfully so. That means that I can't be quite as open and forthright as I felt I could be at PBR. So I guess I'll need to start looking for a new place.

A new perspective on paid Pagan clergy

2006-02-12T22:32:00.000-05:00

This evening, I was catching up on reading my favorite blogs. During this process, I ran across a post by Stacey (not to be confused with The Sentinel/Stace) in which she talks about what she terms "the pastor disconnect." In it, she discusses the dismay that ministers experience when they realize how much time they spend doing administrative work for the church compared to the amount of time that they spend doing "ministry" -- all of the stuff that they anticipated when feeling "the call."

As I read Stacey's thoughts, I could't help but think how it relates to my feelings on Pagan clergy. As I've made it clear in the past, I'm not a huge fan of the concept. But as I read about "the pastor disconnect," I found a new perspective from which to dislike the whole idea. As I read Stacey describe what new ministers go through when they realize how administrative their job is and how that's not what they were expecting at all, I couldn't help but thinking of someone like my friend Jasmin (or myself) eventually having a similar experience as a Pagan minister. After all, most people I know who are interested in becoming paid Pagan clergy want to do so because they want to help others grow spiritually and otherwise. So as the infrastructure to support such an effort grows, I can see these people becoming disillusioned by the increasing amount of administrative work that they'd have to do in order to keep the infrastructure running smoothly. Just like the Christian ministers that crash and burn because of this, I can easily see this becoming a huge issue for many would-be Pagan ministers -- maybe more so, as we Pagans tend to be quite free-wheeling and often seem to dislike any structure that gets "too complicated" anyway.

I don't know. Maybe paid clergy would still work out in the Pagan community. Maybe those who felt called would somehow manage to make it through it, just like so many Christian ministers do. Personally, though, I can't help but feel there has to be a better way. I don't know what it is. (My initial reaction would be to suggest getting people who like to do administrative stuff and pay them to do only that while the "ministers" like Jasmin do the stuff they're strong at. But I know churches that in theory try to do that, too. And it just doesn't work out.) Hopefully someone will figure it out.

Personally, though, if I ever decide to start doing any sort of "ministering," I still think I'd rather do it as some sort of professional counselor rather than as a paid head of a Pagan church. In the end, I just think it'd be a more workable solution for me.

Returning from the dark

2006-02-11T07:43:00.000-05:00

I realize it's been a while since I posted anything. To be honest, life has been a bit crazy, recently. My project at work has hit a critical point, and I've been putting a lot of time and energy into sorting through some difficulties we're having. In fact, in about half an hour, I need to leave to spend a few hours at work this morning. Yes, I have to go into work on a Saturday. But I refuse to pity myself over this.

Needless to say, by the time I get home, I just don't have the mental capacity or motivation to sit down and write. I certainly don't have the capacity to write something interesting or witty, which is something I still feel I need to work towards whenever I write. I hate to feel like I'm writing something that no one -- not even me -- will ever want to read.

However, my life hasn't been devoid of all things non-work. I did manage to get a few odds and ends done around here. This past Wednesday, I took a two hour class in bead-making. The class used Italian glass and a propane-oxygen torch. Amazingly, I made it through both hours without burning myself a single time. Being the clumsy person I am, that's saying something. It was an interesting experience, and I think I kind of like bead-making. The instructor was quite pleased with many of us. She said that some of us (including me, apparently) were already showing a certain level of control in the process (learning where to hold the bead in relation to the flame so that the glass is malleable but not flowing uncontrollably is a bit of a trick) that usually takes several hours of practice to develop. This afternoon, I'm going back to the studio to pick up my beads. I'm anxious to see how they turned out. Maybe I'll even post pictures.

I enjoyed the experience enough that I'm seriously considering signing up for the next class and participating in a few of the "Open Torch" classes. Open torch is actually more of a lab where you get three hours with a torch to work on your own at your own pace. These sessions are good for experimenting more and improving technique. Also, my mother's interesting in giving it a try, so I'll probably end up taking the intro course with her again in a couple months.

I also had a bit of a personal conquest here my standalone blog that runs MovableType. I have MT configured on this site so that I can set up blogs on multiple subdomains. This means that the CGI scripts are set up in the main domain. Well, due to Internet Explorer's attempts at security, the Typekey comment validation system wasn't quite work right. Basically, people could sign in with their Typekey account, but the comment page would never show them as logged in. All SixApart offers as a solution for this problem is instructions on how to set up IE to get around the problem.

Now, I'm a stickler about certain things. I'm strongly opposed to the idea of asking readers to adjust their web browser's settings -- especially their security settings -- to make my web page work correctly. So I did a bit of research, studied the MT code, and found a workable hack to fix the problem on my end. So now, if you're using IE and choose to use Typekey to comment, everything works beautifully.

So that's my life in a nutshell. Maybe I'll have more to write later this weekend. After all, I am going to a psychic faire this afternoon (weather permitting).

Goodbye, Daniel

2006-01-28T10:36:00.000-05:00

Surfing the blogiverse this morning, I discovered that CBS has pulled the plug on their "controversial" show, "The Book of Daniel." I'm not entirely suprised, and now I have to decide if I'm actually going to watch the second and third episodes that I recorded, or just nuke them off the DVR. Truth be told, the show wasn't all that great.

Unfortunately, I think that a lot of "conservative Christians" are going to take this as a "moral victory." The AFA rallied the troops and started a letter writing campaign to get it off the air. And no doubt, as I write this, the AFA and it's coconspirators are patting themselves on the back over the "success of their campaign." I doubt it'll ever occur to them that it's possible that, like CBS has indicated in their own public statement, the show was really cancelled because it just plain sucked.

Truth be told, I think that the show had far bigger problems than being controversial or "anti-Christian." (To be honest, I think calling the show anti-Christian is a bit of a stretch anyway, but I also think that some groups like the AFA consider anything that doesn't show Christians as perfect people who never struggle with personal or moral issues as "anti-Christian, so...but I digress.) The show was poorly written and way too melodramatic. A single family having that many "problems" and "woes" just isn't realistic. The writer tried to stuff so much into the show at one time that the entire scenario was forced and fabricated at best. The end result, even those of us who didn't get righteously indignant over the suggestion that a Christian minister might struggle with an addiction to pain medications (or have a son turn out to be gay) just like anyone else thought the show was lame. So I think it's just as likely that this contributed as much -- if not more -- to the show being cancelled as a bunch of outraged letter writers.

I'm reminded of the time Stace and I discussed the movie, "Brokeback Mountain." She found it ludicrous that so many people were looking to people's reactions of that movie as a "litmus test." She pointed out that this was silly, as some people would have other reasons to not see the movie other than the fact that it's a "gay cowboy movie." (Her prime example was that she herselt hated "cowboy movies.") As such, she felt it a bad idea to consider the overall reaction to the movie as an indicator of society's feelings towards gay people. I think that the Christians who are celebrating the cancellation of "The Book of Daniel" need to listen to Stace's thoughts and apply it to the current situation, as well. After all, there are other reasons to cancel a show than to appease a bunch of outraged Christians.

All the same, good riddance to bad rubbish.

Yes, I have yet another new blog

2006-01-20T20:16:00.000-05:00

Yes, I've gone off the deep end yet again. I've created another new blog. (Don't ask how many I have, as I've lost count.) However, I felt this one was particularly needed. You see, it's a "specialty blog."

You might recall reading an entry or two in this blog that were written as letters to a hypothetical lover. I've been thinking about continuing that series of letters. I also decided that they needed their own space, rather than being mixed in with my random mutterings.

The result? I have now created Dear Lover, a site dedicated to letters written to a man whose identity I don't know -- and I probably haven't even met.

Feel free to check it out.

Mirror Mirror on the Web...

2005-12-16T13:36:00.000-05:00

I changed the title of this blog recently. I meant to point it out and explain my reasoning behind the new title. Unfortunately, I "didn't get around to it." Today, that changes.

Due to an aquaintance blogging a few days ago that she needed a new name for her own blog and her struggles to come up with "something creative", I decided that it was time to consider getting a bit more creative with my own blog title. So I thought about it and tried to come up with a phrase that would aptly describe the approach I want to take with my blog. And I came up with "The world as My Mirror."

Every blog entry I post is ultimately about me. Even if I'm offering my opinion on some religious belief or political issue, it's really about me. Because what I'm expressing is my own perceptions of that topic. In describing how I see these things, I'm telling as much about what I think and why as much as I'm telling about the "external" topic of discussion. And that's the nature of blogging.

Blogging turns the entire world -- every current event, every political issue, every religious argument -- into a big mirror. I project my thoughts -- and the perceptions and basic assumptions that underly them -- onto this mirror when I write about them. It enables me to externalize what's going on in my heart and mind, and then examine them.

Dear reader, remember that when you read this blog. Because even when it's not about me, it really is. You just need to learn to look at it the right way.

2005-12-13T22:32:00.000-05:00

Ann has been posting pictures to her blog lately, so I decided I wanted to post a picture of my darling little Precious. This was taken this past summer. She loved that box, as she just barely fit into it when she curled up. It used to sit on a television tray next to my computer desk, and she'd use it as a bed to lay near "Daddy" (that'd be me) while he worked on his computer.

I wish I would've thought to save that box. Though she seems to be happy with her lap quilt on the couch now.

Thoughts on Stereotypes

2005-12-13T11:37:00.000-05:00

It's common knowledge that stereotypes can be a bad thing. (They can also be a lot of fun in the right circumstances, but that topic is probably best left for another column.) Everyone understands that stereotyping all black people as "gangsters" or all gay men as "pedophiles" is slanderous and undeserved. We understand that these are ways of dehumanizing people in a certain social or cultural group, treating them with less dignity than they respect, and rationalizing such mistreatment.

Unfortunately, we as a society don't always consider that "positive" stereotypes can have a negative impact upon the group being stereotyped as well. Because the positive stereotypes, such as the "talented and artistic gay man" and the "Asian kid whose good at math," aren't insulting or defaming, we tend to assume they're safe. The truth is, they're not. Their "danger" just lies in slightly different areas. But at their root, such stereotypes demonstrate the same troublesome characteristic as their negative counterparts: they paint everyone with the same broad brushstrokes and tend to cover up the "details" that make up the diverse group of unique individuals.

One way that this becomes a problem is that it sets up certain expectations. And when an individual within the stereotyped group does not meet those expectations, trouble can arise. Consider what happens when the "Asian kid" starts to struggle with his math homework. The exasperated teacher exclaims, "Aren't all of you supposed to be good in math?" Imagine how that teachers response -- based on the "positive" stereotype -- has affected that child. Imagine if that child goes through several years with math teachers who respond in a similar manner, all because he didn't live up to the "positive" stereotype.

Speaking as a gay man, I've seen the "positive" stereotypes about gay men have similar effects on various individuals within the (non-existent, but that's another column, too) gay community. I have seen way too many gay men lament that they don't "belong" because they don't "fit the mold" as portrayed by those stereotypes. When "positive" stereotypes start making people feel excluded, it becomes time to question how "positive" they really are.

The other issue with "positive" stereotypes is that no matter how flattering they may be, they can still be used as a way to dehumanize those being stereotyped. This can be best seen with Hollywood's use of the gay male stereotypes. Hollywood has jumped on the idea of gay people being funny (and I'll be the first to admit that a lot of us have quite a sense of humor). They like to put gay characters into their movies and televisions shows for the "laugh factor." NBC has even taken that idea to its heights with its television show, Will & Grace. Here we have a weekly sitcom that centers around a gay lawyer, his "fag hag," and their friends, the flaming queen who wants to be an actor and the rich alcoholic. It's a hilarious show, and I watch it semi-regularly.

But the problem is, if you look at Hollywood, you start to notice that it's almost as if they think gay people are only "good for a laugh." As a gay man, I start to wonder where the more serious portrayals of gay people are. After all, when the laughing's over, we have our difficulties, our challenges, and our heartaches too. (As an aside, have you noticed that while all of those gay characters are making you wet your pants with laughter, very few of them seem to have lovers?) To me, the "funny gay person" stereotype too often becomes a pigeonhole, and a way to shove gay people off into some corner that the rest of the world finds "safe." "We can laugh at you, but don't make us think about any other aspect of your lives." (For more information on this, I'd highly recommend you rent and watch The Celluloid Closet.)

Personally, the television show that truly impressed me was the WB's prime time show, Dawson's Creek. Their portrayal of Jack was one of the most real and incredible portrayals of a gay man I have ever seen. I just about cried during the episode when Jack came out to his family. And their treatment of his relationship woes was excellent. Unfortunately, Jack the insecure high schooler and those like him get far less "screen time" than Jack the hilariously funny flaming queen and his kind. And to be honest, I think it's a crying shame.

El Klutzo

2005-12-04T18:52:00.000-05:00

I had a minor mishap at the animal shelter today. I think that my ego was damaged far more than my knee, which is just a little tender when I kneel on the floor. I had just finished checking the cages on one side of the cat room, so I crossed over to the other side to continue my work there. Apparently, Ellen (not her real name, but the same "Ellen I mentioned in a previous entry) had just finished mopping on that side of the counter. Not realizing this, I took a wrong step and found one of my feet quickly sliding away. Naturally, this meant I lost my balance and I did a sprawling drop to the cement floor. Emily -- another volunteer that started working the same shift three or four weeks ago -- gasped as my now-prone form connected with the ground, which got Ellen's attention. There's nothing like having everyone suddenly stare at you.

Of course, the worst part was that I then had to take the time to fill out the accident report in case I needed medical treatment and planned to file a claim against the shelter's insurance. I knew the moment it happened that it wasn't that serious (truth be told, it was a shame they didn't catch it on video, as it'd probably be funny enough to win a prize on television), but everyone insisted I did. Of course, that meant that a couple more staff members had to rush in and make sure I really was okay. There's nothing like having your momentary lack of coordination make you the center of attention. I was just waiting for someone to hange out the sign saying, "Come see the klutz!"

Despite that amusing and embarassing incident, it was a pretty good day at the shelter. I ended up staying an hour and a half past my scheduled shift. Kelly also came in early, so I got to see her. As I haven't seen her since she trained me in October, it was nice to chat with her again.

We also had quite the accomplished door dasher this morning, too. He was a three month old tan tiger who managed to escape three times in two hours. The first time was when the photographer came in to take a picture of him and his cagemate. I managed to catch him, holding on to him while the other cat got his picture taken. Later, Ellen got into his cage, and both of them got out. Ellen caught both of them. I would've helped, but I had just finished working in another cage and needed to wash my hands before handling another cat.

The final time, one of the staff members who was showing cats to potential adopters went to show the little devils, and he got out again. By this time, the stinker figured out that if we got our hands on him, he'd be returned to his cell. So he did what any smart cat would do, he climbed into the small space between the bottom of the cages and the floors. So this time, someone had to actually fish him out.

The good news is, I think the little bugger got adopted. So he's finally free of his cage.

Book review elsewhere

2005-11-11T21:20:00.000-05:00

Today, I started reading the book, Wicca's Charm: Understanding the Spiritual Hunger Behind teh Rise of Modern Witchcraft and Pagan Spirituality by Christian author Catherine Edward Sanders. I have decided to give a thorough review of this book as I go through it. For those who might be interested, this review can be found on my standalone blog.

A half-decent spirituality survey

2005-11-08T14:51:00.000-05:00

Taken from The Naked Truth. I thought it was a pretty good survey.

Questioning Your Path Meme

Why are you exploring the spiritual path?
I'm tempted to use the same response an old friend used about a year ago: "Gravity." But I try not to be a copycat. And besides, while it's a true answer, it's not an informative one.

But then, I don't know how to give a more informative answer. How do you express "because this makes something in the deepest part of my soul simultaneously sing and ache for more" without sounding like a complete nutter? The thing is, that's exactly the answer. Life itself just keeps drawing me back here, keeps pulling me. And something deep down shouts, "Yes! Yes! Oh god, yes!"

What were your previous spiritual practices?
Christianity in general. I was raised in a Baptist church and got involved in a charismatic/Pentacostal/Full Gospel church while attending college.

How did any of these past practices lead you to investigate Wicca?
They didn't, exactly. Life did that. Talking to friends did that. A sense that I needed to find "something else" did that.

What are your hopes in engaging in this path?
To obtain my highest ideal and that which lies at the end of desire.

What are your fears in engaging in this path?
Failure. To discover I don't have the self-discipline to succeed.

How do you handle friends and family members who may not approve of your spiritual path?
It depends on the nature of their "disapproval." If they're going to lecture me all the time, I "show them the door." If they just ignore a very important part of my life, I allow the resulting distance to reign in our "relationship" and eventually drift away altogether. If they learn to disapprove while maintaining a legitimate relationship based on mutual love and respect, things progress "as normal."

Aside from having transitioned to a alternative spiritual path, are there other major events that impact your life at this time?
There was coming out to myself. There was getting dumped by Zech. (Actually, the whole nightmare with Zech could be seen as a six month long "major event.") There was ending my relationship with Mike. There's the move to Rochester. There are other things, too. To be honest, most of my life since college has been about change.

If you have major life events happening right now, is this the best time to get more deeply involved in Spirituality? Why or why not?
Well, I think the move to Rochester and establishing a life here is still a "major event in progress," to be honest.

As for the implications about spiritual exploration, that's a good question. It's something I've been struggling with a bit. Part of me wants to get off my duff, find a coven, and start the ball rolling towards initiation. And part of me, knowing the implications of a traditional Wiccan initiation, keeps asking myself if I can really handle it at this time. But then if my life is going to be a constant whirlwind of change anyway, what's one more change? And how long do I reasonably wait for things to "settle down." And how do you tell when that's happened, anyway?

Someone should help him before he hurts himself

2005-11-08T12:25:00.000-05:00

Sometime last week, I ran across this entry by a young Christian blogger. I decided to leave him a comment, though I get the impression he completely missed my point. I left him a second comment, hoping that maybe it'll clarify what I'm getting at.

Now, I'm going to set aside my personal feelings about his theology for the moment. I'm going to set aside the natural defensiveness some part of me feels over his comments about my religious practices. After all, at least on an "intellectual level," I can respect his right to hold his opinions on these things. I can even respect his right to express those opinions.

But at the same time, I can only feel that this is a young man without any practical direction, and that spells disaster in my mind. In all of his statements, I don't see even the slightest hint of a sense of how he's going to go about living a more "visible" relationship for God. Well, at least not beyond spouting off catchphrases and buzzwords like a motivational speaker.

Of course, part of me wonders if that's not part of the problem. I find myself wondering if he's been to one too many "revival meetings" of a certain sort. You know, those meetings where someone stands in front of a crowd, gives a number of compelling speeches designed specifically to stir everyone's emotions and get them "worked up for Jesus," but then leave their "revived" people to wonder what happened once the emotional high is over and real life set in. All because while said speaker(s) got them all worked up, they didn't do a very good job of keeping things going. (And let's face it, there's only so long you can keep an emotional high going. It's one reason churches don't have "revival meetings" every Sunday.)

What really worries me -- and what should worry all Christians out there -- is what kind of bridges this young man might burn in his current state. He's so hyped up that he almost seems to be looking for a "glorious confrontation." (Read his other two entries and you'll see more of what I'm talking about.) And while that sounds great in theory, it's a pretty good way of making some enemies. And you know, it's rather difficult to share any message, let alone the gospel message, with an enemy.

And as much as it bugs me, I have to admit that we witches and Pagans tend to be grudge-holders. We tend to look at someone like this young man who, in his sincere exuberance, tends to put a chasm between himself and those he wants to "save" by his poorly chosen words and deeds, and we tend to see all well-meaning Christians through the filter of our experiences with him. So we quit listening to all of them. The rude, the well-meaning but ill-prepared, the sincere and wise, they're all seen through the lense of past experience. And when that lense has the most confrontational of the lot embedded in it, it can create quite a distortion. (Natureally, those of us who have gained wisdom try to overcome this "filtering process," but even we can have our difficulties from time to time.

Hopefully, someone will take this young man aside and teach him some wisdom and compassion to go along with his enthusiasm and conviction. Otherwise, I suspect this will end badly. For everyone involved.

1496

2005-11-05T22:20:00.000-05:00

That is the number of words I have written, according to the unofficial, "lightweight" NaNoWriMo word counter. It's funny, because the Word Count utility in MS Word gives me a number that's about twenty words less. Oh well, I'm trying my best not to let the numbers get to me anyway.

Yes, I've decided to give my novel idea a try. I'm not sure how it's going to turn out. I may decide to delete it all and call it a failure next week. But I've given it a start. And so far, I think it's been a pretty good start. And I'm thinking that maybe I can get a basic "skeleton" worked out and then go back to it after all this madness is over. After all, I feel I really need to research a few issues a bit more (maybe get some feedback from more experienced people). But then I'll at least have something to work with. Perhaps researching and rewriting will be easier than trying to do everything up front and then writing it all done. Only time will tell.

In other news, I went to Tinker Nature Park today. The World Wide Labyrinth Locator indicated they had a gravel and brick mideival labyrinth there, and it's about ten miles down the road from me. So I decided to check it out. It was pretty good, though I think I'd prefer to walk a labyrinth that had actual walls rather than one that's just laid out on a flat surface. I think the sense of beign physically enclosed would have added to the experience. But I guess we can't be too picky, can we.

While there, I also checked out some other parts of the park. It actually looks like a pretty neat place. I may suggest that Dad and I check it out together next Spring or Summer when he's up for an evening. I think he might enjoy the fitness trail. It seemed like a neat idea, and I'm considering doing it myself at some point. (We'll have to wait and see.) And I still need to check out the nature walk and nature trail itself. Not to mention the homestead and farm museum. It's quite a neat place. And to think, I've been living here for two months already and never realized all that was so close until today.

NaNoWriMo Woes

2005-11-03T14:22:00.000-05:00

You know, I've been reading a lot of banter about NaNoWriMo (I hope I got that right) for about a week now. In a lot of ways, I find the idea quite fascinating. It sounds like quite a bit of fun. So much so, I'm sorely tempted to join in. Thing is, a few things stop me.

The first thing is that I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to writing. The whole premise of "don't worry if it's any good, just keep going so you get 50,000 words in by the end of the month" rubs me the wrong way. I want to worry about whether it's "any good." I want to take time to think about my characters, the challenges they face, and how that works together to create an overall plot.

My other issue is that I'm not sure what I'd write about. Again, this goes back to my desire to write something that's wortwhile. I want to have an idea of where I'm going when I start, and I'm having trouble with coming up with such an idea. And I guess I find myself wondering if any idea I might have would really pan out to a "novel."

I do have one idea that occurred to me today. It actually comes from a comment I originally made years ago. A group of people were discussing the portrayal of witches in movies and television. I once commented that I was tired of everyone in the entertainment industry taking the "supernatural fireworks and pizzazz" approach when it comes to making shows about these things. I commented that just once, I'd like the pagan/secular equivalent to "Seventh Heaven" about...I think I said a family consisting of a witch, her agnostic female lover, and their three kids.

So I've thought about it and said, why don't I write a book something like that. I think I'd make the parents men, as I'd be able to draw on my own experiences and insights better that way. But other than that, it sounds like a great idea. I'd still have to come up with the plot elements for my family of characters, but I think it would be a good idea.

But that goes back to my whole problem with perfectionism. I love this idea so much, that I'd want to do my best to do a good job with it. Which means it's not exactly NaNoWriMo material.

So what's a guy to do?

Tax Breaks for Dutch Student Witches?

2005-11-01T13:14:00.000-05:00

I've run across several rposts of an AP article about a court ruling to allow students attending a "school for witches" in the Netherlands to write off the cost of tuition for tax purposes. Having seen it, I thought it would be a good idea for me to post my own thoughts.

First of all, I expect there to be a huge fuss over this. As the article indicates, there's already those who are of the opinion that this is little more than a government "endorsing witchcraft." And I suspect we will be hearing more of the same as the news gets out. (I can just hear the howls of outraged 700 Club fans now.) Of course, I find myself wondering why no one complains about the number of "church owned projects" that are being "endorsed" by the government due to the fact that the church can extend their tax exempt status to those projects. (Even my evangelical and rather conservative father is becoming disgusted with how American churches are -- in his opinion, at least -- abusing their tax exempt status by the things they claim as "church owned.") In my mind, all of this outrage underscores the deep-seated belief that Christians have the right to decide what constitutes a "religion" deserving of Constitutionally protected status.

Now, having said that, I have to admit that I have my own concerns about this decision. For example, according to the article, the court ruling indicated that scholing costs can be declared if said schooling increases their likelihood of employment and personal income. I find myself wondering how attending a school for witches reasonably does either. Unless the Netherlands actually allows for professional witches to hire out their services -- and for all I know, they do -- I don't see how this improves their employability. I've never seen a job opportunity where my circle casting or chanting skills have been all that relevant, let alone something that would give me a "leg up" on my competitors for the position. I might be able to argue that there are subtle life skills I have learned as I've practiced my Craft that have contributed to my effectiveness as an employee. However, that would be tough to argue. And it would be nearly impossible to argue that I'd specifically learned those skills thanks to a school in witchcraft. I'm just not sure how someone can reasonably demonstrate that an "education in witchcraft" has improved their employability except in very rare cases. (The other possibility that comes to mind is that one could become a professional tarot reader. But again, I can think of alternative -- and cheaper -- routes to get set up in that line of business.)

Of course, given where my interest lie, the idea of a "school" where you "learn witchcraft" -- and pay for it, no less -- just makes me bristle. The taking of money implies that anyone who can pay the almost $3000 and attend all the courses will become a witch. As I understand witchcraft, that's not how things work. Being a witch is learning more than the "right stuff." It's as much about attitude and the ability to see things in a certain way as it is about knowing the right things -- or even knowing how to do the right things. And these are things that one cannot guarantee a student will learn.

Now having said that, I'm sure that the people going to this school all learn something. And whatever they may be learning might be valuable. I'm just not sure it'll always be "witchcraft" that they've learned. And I certainly don't think it guarantees that every student who completes the course of study will attain "witchhood."

Shifting from academia to life applications

2005-10-31T10:52:00.000-05:00

I was just reading one of the liberal Christian blogs I like to keep up with, and discovered his recent entry about his son's confirmation in the Lutheran church. First of all, I'd encourage everyone to check out his son's "personal profession of faith" which he wrote. Personally, even though I don't necessarily share his views, I thought it was an excellent attempt by the young man to grapple with his own faith and what it means to him. I think that more young people should be encouraged to do this.

The (rightfully) proud father prefaces this by pointing out that this practice of encouraging confirmands to write their personal statements of faith as a part of the confirmation process is a relatively new one. He compares this practice to "back in the day" when he himself was confirmed, in which the confirmation process involved memorizing a number of various pieces of information (such as the Apostles' Creed and the ten commandments) and then being quizzed on it. He briefly mentions the anxiety he and his peers felt during this process and confesses that he wasn't sure how it really demonstrateded they were "ready to assume the rights and responsibilities of adulthood in the church's eyes."

I'm inclined to agree with the blogger's point of view on that one. The confirmation process that his son recently went through strikes me as much more reasonable, not to mention valuable. This is based on my own firm belief that one's faith must be more than mere rote memorization of certain creeds, laws, and other doctrinal points and "bits of information" deemed "worthy." As I mentioned in my commemnt to the blogger, it seems to me that faith essentially requires the understanding and wisdom to apply all of that knowledge, lest said knowledge remain little more than "useless trivia" tucked away in some recess of the memory.

Towards the end of my time in church and involvement with my church's Sunday School program, I became more aware of this problem. Too often, our program would rely on rote memorization without actually teaching the kids much about what it means to live out one's faith. (Oh sure, we went over the ten commandments and told everyone that they shouldn't lie, cheat, steal, or the other assorted sins young children are most likely to be presented with, but a faithful life needs to be more than these things.) We filled those kids with our "head knowledge" and gave them little else. So it's nice to see that at least some churches are coming around and trying to correct that error.

Now if only today's pagans and witches would also catch wind of that idea. After all, we still too often rely on "head knowledge." What's the first thing we tell everyone who says they're interested in Paganism/Wicca/witchcraft? "Read, read, and read." We encourage them to fill their heads with information (and let's not forget that 99% of the information they'll probably find is bad.) But we don't talk about the practical, "living the faith" kinds of things.

So "newbies" become "collectors of things." They collect the various snippets of lore and poetry that have made it into the public domain (both legitimately and illegitimately), the lists of "healing crystals and their uses," the lists of "elemental correspondenses," the lists of "gods and their functions," and all kinds of other things.

But where's the serious contemplation of what it means to honor the old gods? Where is the deep searching of what it means to live "in tune with nature"? (Actually, I think "living in tune with nature" isn't as big a part of Paganism as some would suggest, but if people are going to bandy about that phrase, I think it a good idea to start talking about how to practically go about accomplishing it.) Where is the deep discussion of how the Wheel of the Year affects us on a deep, personal level?

Maybe like the Christian blogger I mentioned, these are things that will only be sorted when my own children start down the Pagan paths. Maybe it'll be longer than that. But I hope that we start thinking about these things now, so that this essential shift in focus happens some time.

Who needs exterenal symbols for evil, anyway?

2005-10-30T18:54:00.000-05:00

Doing random searches for blogs, I ran across another blogger's diatribe about Halloween. Now, I have to admit that I'm not a huge fan of Halloween myself. (Indeed, I'm quite happy that I observe Samhain based on an astrological calendar, as it places my ritual observances as a separate event from Halloween altogether.) Unlike the author of that blog post, though, I do tend to see Halloween (except for the prankish part) as mostly "harmless fun."

But what really caught my attention was this bloggers argument against it. It seemed that the crux of his argument is that it "desensitizes" people to the "traditional symbols of evil" -- such as the devil. The continuing thought from that point is that this desensitization will allow "moral relativity" to reign supreme because those moral systems of the faiths that provided these symbols will be devalued at the same time.

I see a number of problems with this viewpoint. The basic underlying problem is that it underscores the fact that these "traditional faiths" (namely certain sects of Christianity, because no other faith seems to see the Devil in quite that same light) are relying too heavily on these "symbols of evil" to begin with. Personally, I think that it's time that these faiths quit hanging quite so tightly onto this idea of "the Devil" as the source of evil. After all, the Bible does not start with the downfall of Lucifer, but with the sin of Adam and Eve. And it continues from there with many more stories describing the evils of countless human beings. While I admit that it's been years since I've done any serious Biblical research, it seems to me that when you look at the countless evils carried out by humans in its pages, you begin to notice that the antics of Satan and his minions seem to be little more than subtext.

Indeed, it seems that religious groups that focus on these "external symbols of evil" such as devils have lost the very essence and point of their religious texts. The evil isn't (just) "out there" with "devils" and other such creatures. There's real evil lurking in the hearts of men and women everywhere. Perhaps if we took that reality a bit more seriously, how people view and treat those "traditional symbols of evil" wouldn't be as essential.

Controversial Ad?

2005-10-21T11:11:00.000-04:00

While surfing some of my favorite blogs, I came across this controversy concerning a student's ad in his local school newspaper. Now, I don't generally get political in my writings, but as this controversy got me worked up enough to leave two comments on the blog I found this this story through, I figured i might as well make an exception.

First of all, let me say I congratulate the young man for sticking up for his beliefs. I congratulate him for taking the time to create and submit such an elegant and eloquent ad that expresses his views. I think that even those who do not agree with the young man's sentiments should at least be able to appreciate the style with which he expressed them.

Having said that, I must say I'm disappointed in the responses to this ad quoted and otherwise described in the article. They can only be described as reactionary at best, and misleading at worse. Consider for example those who call it "a political ad with religious ties." First of all, I don't exactly see the religious ties in the ad itself. There are no references to any god, quotes from any religious texts, or anything else to suggest a religious tie. The only religious tie is that the person who posted it belongs to a Christian commune that espouses pacifism. Considering the number of conservative religious organizations that get involved in the political field, I see this as a dubious reason to criticize this ad. After all, is it not the conservatives who have been decrying the fact that liberals "don't want freedom of religion, but freedom from religion"? Is it not the conservatives who have been describing any attempt to stop public displays of nativity scenes on public property (or multi-ton statues of the Ten Commandments in front of courthouses) as "political correctness run amok"? Given the answer to these questions, I don't see how conservatives can conscionably criticize this "political ad" for it's "religious ties." The only possible explanation I can come up with is that there's an underlying belief that "religious ties" only belong in politics when those ties support a certain political view.

Then we have the mother who responds that she "refuses to believe those people who choose to join the military...are wasting their lives." I don't blame her for refusing to believe that. But then again, I have to wonder if she and I are reading the same ad. I have yet to see anywhere in this ad (and I've read it more than five times) suggests that those who join the military "waste their lives." The ad strongly points out that there are "other ways" (it doesn't even claim those other ways are "better") to serve one's country and "be all you can be."

The only statement that could even remotely be interpreted as suggesting that serving the military is "wasting one's life" is where the ad encourages people to, "Think about it. Before you sign your life away." However, I think that trying to suggest such an interpretation falls short when you consider the arguments used by many of the supporters of the war in Iraq. When the question of the troops' lives comes up, the supporters often respond with statements of the same exact nature: "They new what they were getting into when they signed up. They knew they could be called on to serve. They knew they could lose their lives." So why is it that people are getting upset because a student creates and posts an ad that merely reminds people of what they should "know they're signing up for" anyway? What is so wrong about reminding potential recruits that they really are signing their life away -- a fact that both conservatives and liberals alike will tell you -- and that they need to think about that fact? Is this fact only allowed to be pointed out when it's used after the decision is made, and then only to rationalize the loss of the life that was "signed away"?

It's amazing how much sound and fury a single ad can generate.

Lotsa cats, lotsa learning

2005-10-18T14:23:00.000-04:00

(Note: All names of people mentioned have been changed for the sake of anonymity.)

This past Sunday, I went through my hands-on training to work with the cats at the humane society. I have to say that those were probably the two best hours of my week, and I don't think that's going to change as the week progresses. There's just something about being in a room with a few other people who are all just taking care of a bunch of cats. It's the cat-lover's paradise.

Of course, that's easy to say right now. Half of the cages in the room were empty, so it was a slow day. I may find it a bit more exhausting the first time I go in to work in a fully occupied room. But I think it'll still be worth it. After all, it's probably the only way I'll ever be surrounded by so many beautiful and lovable cats.

I got to the shelter a little before I was expected, parked, and walked around the building (since I don't have a nametag or volunteer shirt, I decided not to use the staff/volunteer door. I noticed that Jan was at the front desk, so I said hi to her. Jan was the docent who led the tour group I was in my first night of orientation. She recognized my face, but couldn't remember where she knew me from. I told her and it sparked her memory. We had a thirty second conversation before I headed to the volunteer room to sign in and look for my nametag. I didn't find the latter, so I'm under the impression it hasn't been made yet. Then again, there were a lot of nametags there, so it's entirely possible I missed it.

While I was looking, Kelly, the volunteer who was going to be training me, stepped in. She glanced at the log book and said, "Oh! You're my trainee!" We had a brief exchange of pleasantries, and then it was off to the cat room to learn the ropes. I learned what tasks the volunteers were expected to do and what one's are to be left to the staff. Primarily the duties that I will be performing including checking and changing litter boxes, refilling empty water dishes (or changing them if need be), replacing towels (used as cat beds) that have become soaked or soiled, and doling out new cat toys to cats that need them. (Toys that exit the cage due to rigorous play must be collected to be washed, so the energetic cats need kindhearted volunteers to renew their supplies.) Also, volunteers get to clean out and disinfect cages that have become vacant in order to prepare them for their new occupant. (Infection control is a very big issue in the shelter in general and in the cat room in particular.) And of course, we get to give each cat a little bit of love and attention every time we get into their cage. That's the best part of the job.

During the two hours, I got to meet various people as well. Another volunteer, Melanie, was also working that day. She and Kelly are good friends who actually started working at the shelter at roughly the same time. She was running in and out of the cat room most of the time I was there because she was showing cats to a family who were looking to adopt. It's another job that volunteers (particularly the more experienced ones) are occasionally asked to do when the staff are a bit overburdened. Among the paid staff, I met Ellen and Keith. Both of them gave me a bit of a chuckle, as they're both apparently into facial piercings. They're also funny to listen to because they like to harass each other as they work.

I think my favorite memory of the shift though was when Floyd -- a huge kitten that you'd never believe was only about nine months old to look at him -- took the new stuffed animal that Kelly was putting in his cage. He was laying there and she reached in to set the animal in the back corner. Floyd took one look, reached out with both front paws, and literally snatched it right out of her hand. To be honest, I'm impressed he didn't scratch her in the process. A cat's sense of precision amazes me sometimes.

At the end of the shift, as I was getting ready to leave, Jan stopped by. She was finishing her shift at the front desk and decided to see how my training went. I was rather touched by that. It just amazes me how friendly everyone there is. I can see why so many volunteers (and I'm betting the staff are the same way) tend to spend as much time there as they can.