Rosemary Sauce

Q&A

2009-07-13T13:00:00.004-04:00

I write a monthly mothering column for a local newspaper, and a new feature I just added this month is answering questions solicited from local moms (or dads!) about parenting. Not an "I'm an expert" kind of thing, but more like "This has been my experience and maybe it'll be helpful to someone else."

I thought I'd post here the question and answer in case it's helpful to any of you.

Question:
What is your bedtime routine like?

Answer:
I think it’s safe to say that most parents try to develop a bedtime routine that will help their children sleep well through as much of the night as possible (taking into account age and personality), and Dominic and I are no exception. Indeed, we’ve really tried hard to foster quiet, peaceful nights in our house, as that is something that’s important to us.

In trying to achieve that goal, we’ve tried to avoid creating bedtime routines that are too elaborate or take too long, or that will prevent the kids from sleeping well if any of the elements of the routine are missing. So we keep it really simple: we set a bedtime (based initially on the baby’s own pattern of sleeping, and then gradually changing it as they get older until it fits our preferred bedtime), and put the kids to bed at that time every night. We change them into their pajamas, brush their teeth, tuck them in, say prayers with them, give them a hug and a kiss good night (and perhaps answer one last question from our chatty older boys!), turn on their night light, and then close the door and go downstairs. On the whole, I think that being firm and consistent — no matter what the particular elements of the routine are — seems to be what helps them understand that bedtime is bedtime, and provides the familiarity to help them feel safe and comfortable going to bed.

What do you think? I really wanted to avoid any tone that suggested I was presenting our way as the only way or the best way ... rather, just that this is what we do and we've found it works really well with our kids ...

Sometimes cleaning feels so good

2009-07-13T12:53:00.001-04:00

We have been out of the house more than we've been in it this July, it feels like. Dominic has the wonderful wonderful blessing of having the entire month of July off each year, and we all look so forward to it the other eleven months of the year! And we plan to do all the stuff we can't do when he's not home -- trips to see friends and family, trips to the pool and the lake, breakfasts out, walks, bike rides, you name it!

But the little bit of order I actually do maintain in our home the rest of the year totally falls apart during July. For example, our still-unpacked suitcase from our weekend away last week is on the loveseat in our front room, along with other clean clothes that have been waiting for too long to be sorted and folded and put away. It's been a busy two weeks so far, so this morning the house desperately needed some attention, before tomorrow begins another fun but busy few days.

Dominic and I worked on the kitchen, washing dishes and putting them away ... Dominic gathered up loads of empty cardboard boxes that have been piling up for a while (in our bedroom, in the basement, in our storage/spare room) and added them to the garbage he was taking to the dump this morning, I sorted through an entire bin of papers I've been meaning to do for ages. How good we both feel that things are more in order!

Baby update

2009-07-13T12:50:00.000-04:00

My ultrasound this past Wed put me at 7w2d and a new (earlier!) due date of Feb 22 ... and we saw the baby's heartbeat blinking away happily! And he or she is only the size of a grain of rice! (according to the u/s tech!)

Lovely article on babies

2009-07-07T18:17:00.003-04:00

One 'Yes' at a Time by Danielle Bean, mother of eight, on her feelings about the fact that "God seems to be answering the 'Will we have another?' question with a definitive 'Not now.'"

A new response to Christopher West

2009-07-07T17:35:00.002-04:00

A friend sent me the link to this article the other day: Renowned Moral Theologian Weighs-in on Theology of the Body Debate.

I thought it was a good article, and offered a pretty balanced perspective on the most recent Christopher West stuff -- it was neither avidly for nor against West's approach (though more opposed than not), but offered some important words about prudence:

Fr. Maurizio Faggioni, OFM, a professor at the top pontifical institute for moral theology, the Pontifical Academy "Alphonsianum," "explained that some of the issues discussed publicly by West, such as the appropriateness of anal sex or other forms of sexual 'foreplay' in married relationships, have to be dealt with using great care, since 'the risk is of displacing the attention from marital love and the anthropologic meaning of lovely gestures to merely the genital aspects.'"

"The moral theologian warned that 'today's youth, in a special manner, have to be protected from unnecessary exposure to sexual-genital issues that can lead to a morbid curiosity.'"

"'This is not prudishness, but the wisdom of the Church that has time and again demonstrated the importance of discretion and prudence when it comes to sexual issues,' he added."

"Regarding the practice of blessing the genitals before a sexual relationship, Fr. Faggioni expressed 'real perplexity.' 'Without doubt, all the body in each one of its parts is God's creation and deserves honor. We precisely respect our private parts by surrounding them with greater respect and modesty.'"

One specific point that West supporter Dr. Janet Smith had made was specifically contradicted by Fr. Faggioni: He said that "it is simply not true that the traditional Catholic moral supports the use of acts that Thomas Aquinas call contra naturam -against nature- (such as anal sex) as something ordinary."

Please do read the whole article.

New use for used paper

2009-06-30T11:17:00.004-04:00

I love when the boys get really focused on something they're doing, like connecting train tracks, or building with Legos, or rolling cars, or coloring pictures -- I love seeing them spending so much time totally connected to the task at hand. I can practically see their little brains wrinkling with the knowledge they're acquiring and the understandings they're grasping. And I love that what they're focused on isn't TV, and that they're not draped around the furniture moaning about having nothing to do, or bothering each other, or causing trouble.

So when Martin was busy in our back room yesterday crumpling up colored-on pieces of scrap paper to make "wumpa balls" (his name for the huge bouncy ball things on the TV show Wipeout, which the boys see a few minutes of every time Dominic puts it on as we're getting everyone ready for bed on Wednesday nights), I was delighted that he was delighted in his new project. And I didn't even flinch when five wumpa balls turned into about a hundred. Seriously. He had a sea of crumpled paper balls on the floor of our back room, and it looked like one of those ball-filled pits you might find at a McDonald's.

He and Jordy actually had a great time "swimming" in them, jumping in them, and jumping over them! It seemed like good clean fun to me, and they're easy enough to clean up too. So I thought I'd share it with any of you who might be looking for something to do with your kids on a rainy day, or looking for a use for the piles of colored-on scrap paper you have all over your house like we do!

Creative naming

2009-06-30T11:16:00.001-04:00

Martin has never really been into naming his stuffed animals. He does have one stuffed dog, named Floyd, which received that name after much discussion about what on earth we should name his dog (at my suggestion. He was fine with keeping the dog nameless). He rejected idea after idea until I suggested Floyd -- the same name Ernie's dog has in one of our Sesame Street books -- and his eyes lit up at the connection to the book, and so Floyd was named.

But Jordy is Mr. Creative Namer! He's always loved cats, more than any other animal really, and he just melts every time I make a meowing noise in reference to a picture of a cat, and he'll hug the picture and get all sweet ... anyway, the other day he decided a stuffed dog we have was in actuality a cat, and he declared the cat's name to be Bandaids. Then he found a stuffed lion, which also became a house cat, and his name was Shia in the morning, but by the evening had become Seamus.

Now, Jordy had two bandaids on his leg that day, so "Bandaids" made sense to me from that angle ... and we have a friend named Seamus ... but I'm still stumped by "Shia." And I'm pretty impressed by his naming in general -- very creative!

Baby on board!

2009-06-30T11:13:00.002-04:00

We're delighted to announce that we have a new little one on the way! He or she is due March 1!

A funny story: My parents were away from the Wednesday before Father's Day until the Wednesday after, so they were gone when we found out about the baby. We planned to wait until they got home to tell them, but my belly popped out right away -- like, right away. I'm six weeks along and look like I'm six months. Which is exactly what happened with Jordy and Louie, too, but still.

So I was at the grocery store the day after Father's Day, and I overheard the cashier and the bagger, both of whom I know from when I worked there during high school and college, discussing how amazing it was that I'm expecting again. But I didn't tell them! We weren't ready to tell people yet! We hadn't even told family yet! They just assumed, based on how my belly looked!

Needless to say, we decided we needed to call everyone and tell them that day -- I couldn't have our whole city knowing about our new baby before our family members did!

Please keep us in your prayers! St. Gerard Majella, patron of expectant mothers, pray for us!

Summer and boys

2009-06-24T11:39:00.003-04:00

Two good posts from Suzanne Temple, one old and one new:

The old one, Summer Rule of Six, from May 2007, lays out a great plan for the summer for kids of all ages, and is similar to the plan I'd been thinking of writing down for my own household, not just for summer, but for all the time when the kids aren't in school (like when they're too young for school, or weekends/vacations). When I do write mine out, I'll post it.

The new one, Homeschooling Boys, posted yesterday, is great for all moms of boys, whether homeschooled or not. It offers some great insight into the nature of boys (at least as Suzanne has experienced it with her six sons) -- how they learn, how they play, how to appreciate who they are.

Happy Father's Day!!!

2009-06-22T21:07:00.001-04:00

Did all the dads out there have a great day? I tried my hardest to make it a whole Father's Day weekend for Dominic, and I think I did pretty good -- there was lots of golf watching, lots of good food, lots of time with the kids. I hope you all had as good a weekend!

Loud toilets

2009-06-16T10:27:00.005-04:00

I was talking to a mom of a boy in Martin's preschool class recently, at a birthday party for one of their classmates. I had cause to mention at one point (probably when I'd called Martin about a hundred times, with increasing loudness, and he still hadn't heard me) about him being deaf in one ear, and the other mom said, "Really? My older son is as well!" Her son's hearing impairment hadn't been diagnosed until he was in first grade (!), and her son, as well as the mom herself and the rest of the family, were still adjusting to this new information, as her son is only in second grade. One of the things she's discovered is that loud noises are really painful to her son, maybe because his hearing ear is trying to compensate for his deaf ear?

I was so glad to hear that from her, because it made so much sense of something Martin's recently been FREAKING OUT about -- the sound of the toilet being flushed, especially public toilets, especially the ones with automatic flushers.

And when I say FREAKED OUT, with all caps like that, I'm trying to represent in letters the magnitude of his reactions ... ho.ly.cow.

We had the great blessing and privilege of attending the ordination to the priesthood of a very dear friend of ours (so dear that the boys call him "Uncle") this past weekend. The Ordination Mass on Saturday and Fr. J's first Mass on Sunday were amazing, moving, and spiritually stirring, and yet one of the things I remember the best is when I brought Martin to the bathroom during the reception after the Ordination Mass.

I'd forewarned Martin that I would be taking him to the bathroom sometime during the day, since we left our house at 9 in the morning and wouldn't be home again until about 5, so he'd have ample time to mentally prepare. And true to Martin's obstinate self (which I believe he gets from me!), he didn't once tell me had to go to the bathroom, and neither did he appear to have to go, until I finally remembered, at around 3:00, that he hadn't yet gone. So I told him that he and I were going to go to the bathroom, and he got nervous -- really nervous -- but he also started crossing his legs and getting all jumpy while assuring me that he didn't have to go, so off we went, down the hall and around the corner to the bathroom.

Except, when we got to the corner, he FREAKED OUT! He dug his heels into the floor, and started pulling on my arm, and screaming this really primal belly scream at the tippiest top of his lungs, and when he wasn't screaming he was sobbing, and his face was bright red, and a vein was visible in his forehead, and tears streamed down his face. It was a total. meltdown.

So I knelt down and told him to pull himself together and explained that I wouldn't flush the toilet until he had left the stall. "But Daddy said they might be automatic flushers!" he trembled, referring to something Dominic had whispered to me when we didn't think anyone was listening (deaf in one ear????). "It's okay," I said, "I'll put my hand over the sensor and it won't flush while you're in there, okay?" "Okay," he said, very hesitantly, but then FREAKED OUT again, twice more, before we actually got in the bathroom. One man witnessed this, and I smiled and said calmly, "He's scared of public flushers" while Martin was screaming next to me.

I finally had to pull him in the bathroom -- even while he was hanging on to the door jamb with both hands -- and when he was in the bathroom (but before he'd gotten to the stall) he got very quiet and walked slowly next to me, which was almost as scary as the screaming, because it was so very unlike him. Like he had shut down, or sent himself to his happy place, or some other psychological thing.

So I was almost relieved when, as we walked into the stall and Martin's worst fears were confirmed -- it was indeed an automatic flusher, he started screaming again.

What was I to do? The child needed to go to the bathroom. Long story short, he did end up going to the bathroom, bolting for the area by the sink before I flushed the toilet, and standing by the sink with his fingers in his ears, where I found him after I came out of the stall, and looked at me with his red tear-stained face and said, "That wasn't too bad, Mom!"

It's just the latest incident related to going to the bathroom in public, and I had totally assumed he was just going through some weird potty thing until he recently FREAKED OUT over the automatic paper towel dispenser in a public bathroom. And I remembered what that mom had told me, about her son being super sensitive to loud noises, and I realized that maybe that's the problem -- those automatic things, and some regular public toilets too, can be really loud!

And of course I feel terrible. Poor Martin -- it only takes me forever to figure out what's really going on! But I am sincerely hoping that his new way of coping -- covering his ears during the flush -- helps, because sometimes we just have to use the public bathrooms!

More Christopher West debate

2009-06-11T10:48:00.003-04:00

The debate is raging on, and outrage over connections drawn between Hugh Hefner and Pope John Paul II are soooo last month.

The new issues? I'll leave it to the following direct quotes to inform you:

First, the attack, by by Dr. David L. Schindler, Provost/Dean and Gagnon Professor of Fundamental Theology at the Pontifical Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family of The Catholic University of America, Washington, D.C., in Christopher West's Theology of the Body (Christopher West is a former student of Dr. Schindler):

"West's work has involved suggesting that a man and woman bless their genitals before making love ... stating that, while 'there are some important health and aesthetic considerations that can’t be overlooked,' 'there's nothing inherently wrong with anal penetration as foreplay to normal intercourse,' (Good News About Sex and Marriage, 1st ed., emphasis in original), though qualifying this in the revised edition and stressing the subjective dangers of lust in such activity."

Next, support for Christopher West's presentation of the two issues mentioned above by Dr. Janet Smith, Father Michael J. McGivney Chair of Life Ethics at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in Detroit, in Moral Theologian Says Christopher West's Work is 'Completely Sound':

"A friend of mine who was sexually abused often finds it difficult to engage in the marital embrace (trying not to offend!). A very orthodox Catholic therapist recommended that her husband pray over her reproductive organs (being delicate here). Since he has been doing that, she has experienced some healing, and her enjoyment of the marital embrace has improved considerably. One has to ask why praying over throats is fine while praying over other parts of the body wrong or silly? It would be Manichean to suggest that some parts of the body are good (e.g., the throat) while others (e.g., the reproductive organs) are not."

"I never like to talk about anal sex (sorry, I don’t know a good euphemism). As one of my friends has observed about my sensitivities regarding sexual matters, 'You would censor Shakespeare!' (I would.) But the fact remains that Catholic couples in today’s world have questions about such issues. Many cannot understand why anal sex could possibly be appealing to anyone (include me and, indeed, West in that group), while others seem to find the act attractive. Certainly there isn’t any 'Church teaching' about this action at a magisterial level, but few seem to know that there is a tradition of approval of such behavior as foreplay to intercourse (not to be confused with the biblical condemnation of sodomy which replaces intercourse) by orthodox Catholic ethicists. The principle generally invoked is that consensual actions that culminate in intercourse are morally permissible.

"People are free to challenge the 'tradition' on this point, but it should be acknowledged that West is not a maverick concerning this issue. Indeed, his position is perhaps more 'conservative' than that of the 'tradition.' In his book Good News About Sex and Marriage, West clearly discourages the practice. Perhaps it is time for ethicists to work on the question, but what Schindler failed to mention is that West's position is precisely (or even stricter than) what priests have been trained to teach married couples for a very long time."

Both articles made very good points, and I encourage you to read both. Some other good points that stuck out at me:

Regarding Christopher West's intentions and character
Dr. Schindler: "Let me stress that I agree with those who vigorously defend West's intention of fidelity to the Church. Certainly he has had positive results in drawing many Catholics into a deeper understanding of their faith. As for myself, I do not initiate anything about West in my classes, but only respond when asked a question. Then I begin by emphasizing West's intention of orthodoxy. As I have often put it, 'he would throw himself in front of a bus for the Church.' It is important to understand, however, that good will is not synonymous with sound thought; and I must say, not without reluctance, that West's work seems to me to misrepresent in significant ways the thought of John Paul II."

Dr. Smith: "[Christopher West] has shown spectacular docility and humility in reworking [his presentations] in response to criticisms"

Regarding Dr. Schindler's opinion
Dr. Smith: "My point is this: The fact that the dean of the John Paul II Institute in Washington D.C. has issues with West's approach should not discourage anyone from reading West's work or attending his lectures. Schindler has serious disagreements with other reputable, orthodox theologians, including professors on staff at the John Paul II Institute."

Regarding what I consider to be an excellent point by Dr. Schindler, due to my experience with people who have accused others of being closed to the Holy Spirit when something said or done makes one uneasy (i.e., I've never appreciated others deciding how open to the Holy Spirit I am)
Dr. Schindler: "West often tends to treat resistance to the content of his lectures, for example during the question periods, as matters of resistance to the Holy Spirit (to the Spirit now speaking in and through West's 'charism'), urging questioners to pray to overcome the fear induced in them by their bad theological-spiritual formation. Well-balanced persons have spoken of how West makes them feel a sense of guilt, of resistance to the Holy Spirit, if they experience uneasiness about what he is saying."

Regarding the fact that Good News About Sex & Marriage received the Nihil Obstat and Imprimatur (this means a great deal to me)
Dr. Smith: "West's extensive commentary on the Theology of the Body, 'Theology of the Body Explained,' was reviewed for the nihil obstat for the Archdiocese of Boston by Prof. May, a longtime colleague of Schindler at the John Paul II Institute, who also gave it a glowing endorsement for the book jacket. (I also reviewed and strongly endorsed West's book 'Good News About Sex and Marriage'). Several times in his piece Schindler refers to West's 'intention' to be orthodox which could imply that he has not necessarily achieved orthodoxy. We should be clear that West's works have been given an imprimatur, an ecclesiastical judgment that a work is doctrinally sound."

Regarding what I consider to be the brilliance of John Paul
Dr. Smith: "Scholars and graduate students will be studying and arguing over the proper interpretation of Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body for centuries to come."

It's an interesting discussion, to be sure, and one which Dr. Smith explains,
"But for those whose lives are not spent in the academic world, a world in which minutiae can take on epic proportions, let me note that disagreements of the sort that Schindler has with West are an everyday occurrence in the world of academia. That is, we scholars disagree not only with our archenemies but also with our closest and dearest allies. And not just about small matters; Thomists disagree with other Thomists about serious issues of interpretation of Thomistic texts; Thomists and phenomenologists who both are entirely faithful to the Magisterium can have fierce disputes on all sorts of issues. Prof. William May and I once debated on the best way to defend Humanae Vitae."

For myself, I take great comfort in the fact that Christopher West's Good News About Sex & Marriage received the Imprimatur. And I'll continue trying to learn more about this issue from anyone who's in full submission to the Magisterium of the Church, whether they support Christopher West or not.

On my mind today

2009-06-11T10:21:00.004-04:00

I read this quote last night and I loved it, mostly because I can see it applying to parenting in general rather than just discipline specifically:

"The standards for and methods of discipline vary from family to family, though not greatly among families in most nonliterate cultures. However, in our pluralistic Western culture, the variance is vast. Since World War I, the range of opinion in the United States has widened to become the greatest among all Western cultures. A supposedly scientific approach has developed to child development. With it, many parents have lost confidence in the common sense approach to parenting; they are ready to receive guidance from the latest guru. Yet the gurus, the supposed experts, offer clashing theories and often contradictory advice. This has yielded much disagrement as to the standards for discipline in American families. Thus the patterns of discipline vary greatly in America."

~ p. 121, The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman, PhD and Ross Campbell, MD

11 years ago today ...

2009-06-10T11:03:00.003-04:00

... Dominic and I officially became a couple. It makes me feel so young, and so old, to realize how long it's been!

So young, because I was so young when we fell in love. It's so easy to be right back in those early moments of our relationship -- I remember the shirt he was wearing that June 10, I remember how he smelled, I remember how a previously strictly platonic relationship (on my end! Not his -- thank goodness!) changed into a romantic one in one instant. Check out this picture of us in our early days.*

So old, because 11 years is a long time! More than a third of my entire life! And all those things that have happened to me and us in those 11 years ... college, law school (Dominic), career (both of us), grad school (me), marriage, children, home ownership, a minivan!, a conversion (Dominic) ... wow.

I've loved every single minute of it.

___________________________

* We have dial-up, and I'm so frustrated by how long it takes to upload photos to blogger (when they actually load -- sometimes they don't!) -- hence the links to previous pictures, instead of posting them here. One day, when we have a higher-speed connection, I hope to get back into posting pictures.

A couple links

2009-06-04T15:08:00.003-04:00

I'm continuing to be broken-hearted by Rachel's posts about her son Henry being in a spica cast. The latest was about her own weariness and sadness (with pictures ... oh, the pictures!): Tell us how you really feel

A new blog ("View from the Domestic Church") by one of my favorite bloggers (Donna-Marie Cooper O'Boyle) had a great recipe for homemade laundry soap today: Our laundry soap

Banana bread pops?

2009-05-29T18:13:00.000-04:00

Sounds delicious!

Louie's rash

2009-05-29T18:11:00.001-04:00

that I took him to the doctor for today was indeed hives, as I'd feared -- an allergic reaction to the penicillin in the Augmentin he recently finished for his ear infection. (Martin's allergic to penicillin too.)

Food success!

2009-05-29T11:04:00.003-04:00

I wrote recently about the difficult time we've been having with the kids' eating habits. I'm pleased to be able to say that, three day after we started a new approach to eating, we're seeing real results! From everyone!

Dinner was the very worst meal of the day. Not only did we fight with the kids about what they would and wouldn't eat, but it was really affecting Dominic and I in terms of our mental health. Mostly we endured dinner, tried to make it go as fast as possible, scooted the boys off to bed right afterward, and then collapsed.

After I posted about our eating issues, and after receiving Joanna's comment, and thinking and praying about it, we decided a few things needed to change, which we thought might contribute to a better dinner experience for everyone:
-- I moved dinner 15 minutes earlier, from 7:15 (which had been kind of a "soft" time -- we didn't usually really start eating until 7:30) to 7:00 (on the dot [or as close as possible]). This would allow for a more leisurely meal for everyone, as we wouldn't be rushing the kids to eat so we could put them to bed. We decided that I would start the meal at 7:00, even on nights when Dominic was running late from work.*
-- I determined to always make a balanced meal -- as Joanna suggested, a protein, a carb, and a vegetable -- instead of the often thrown-together-at-the-last-minute meals I often made in a fit of freaking out about what the kids would or wouldn't eat.
-- Dominic and I agreed to do a better job enforcing the fact that dinner needs to be eaten -- and more than just one bite -- by everyone.
-- Dominic and I agreed to eat dinner with the kids more often. Because it was such a painful meal for us, we often ate after the boys were in bed (though we did sit with them during dinner), but we thought if we were all actually eating together, it might help.
-- Dominic and I agreed to do a better job of focusing on the boys during dinner, and saving our adult conversations for after they'd gone to bed. This is a hard one, because we're both so excited to be together again when Dominic comes home from work that we have a million things that we want to talk about together ... but so do the boys.

All these things seemed to have worked!

We started Tuesday night, with homemade minestrone soup (veggies and protein [cannelini beans]) and cheese biscuits; Wednesday was turkey cutlets, pasta, and peas; last night we had meatloaf, roasted carrot sticks, and mashed potatoes. Jordy has done an amazing job of eating, now that we're requiring at least five bites, and last night he ate five carrot sticks happily! Martin's always been pretty good, but he ate the turkey/pasta/peas meal with gusto and asked me to make it again sometime! Even Louie's been doing better -- I haven't been paying attention to his pushing my hand away, slipping in mouthfuls when he's not looking, and he actually seemed to really love the minestrone! And he ate a few mouthfuls of the other meals as well! And Dominic and I are both so much more relaxed about dinner, and I've actually been looking forward to it!

___________________

* I've always resisted starting dinner before Dominic gets home, because of my fierce desire that we eat together as a family. But moving dinner earlier just seemed such an important thing to do for everyone's mental health, for peace in our home, and for a more enjoyable dinnertime. Dominic is usually home by 7, so it won't be that often that we start without him.

Testosterhome

2009-05-29T10:49:00.003-04:00

There's a beautiful post today over on Testosterhome by Rachel's sister Joanna, who's been hoping to conceive for a while, and hasn't yet been successful.

Rachel's been having guest bloggers, as she tends to her not-quite-two-year-old son, Henry, the youngest of her five boys, who's in a cast from his waist down. I cannot. even. imagine. And the pictures [here, here, here, here] just kill me. I've been praying for her and her little boy since I read it -- and I don't even know them!

Beware of paper airplanes

2009-05-29T10:45:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I was going to blog that a great thing to have the kids do on a rainy inside day is make paper airplanes -- Martin especially loves them, and asks us often to make them (though he likes Dominic's sleeker, faster version better than the pokey old plane I came up with when he first asked me to do it. I've learned though!).

And it might still be a good idea, but keep in mind that I caught Martin as he was just about to insert the point of it into Jordy's eyeball (Jordy was laying on the floor happy to let his eyeball be pierced, apparently, as he didn't scream or flinch or blink or anything).

When I told Dominic about it, he told me he rips off the point when makes the planes for the boys.

Ah. Point taken. (Haha!)

New homeschool statistics

2009-05-28T17:20:00.003-04:00

Interesting article about how many families in the U.S. homeschool, and breakdown by gender, income, and race: Report: Homeschooling more widespread.

Behind Bella: A review

2009-05-23T10:21:00.004-04:00

I recently read Behind Bella: The amazing stories of Bella and the lives it's changed, by Tim Drake, in order to review it for The Catholic Company.

I was totally bowled over by it.

In a word, this book is about hope. Anyone who's seen the movie Bella might have felt hopeful at the end of it — full of hope that there are good people in the world, full of hope that when you find yourself in your darkest moments the light may indeed be just around the corner or in the next person you meet, full of hope that making the right decision really will turn out to be the best decision — at least in the movies. Behind Bella demonstrates that all those things happen in real life as well.

It chronicles the process of making Bella, right from the very beginning — the conversion experiences of its star and producer Eduardo Verástegui, writer and director Alejandro Monteverde, and producer Leo Severino, known collectively by friends as "The Three Amigos"; the decision by each to devote their professional lives to the Lord; the search for a project that would be in keeping with their new faith-filled determination; and the conception and realization of Bella. It's full of people and stories that clearly point to God's hand working in and through the project. It was absolutely amazing to read about the many, many times it seemed that the film just wouldn't get made or distributed, mostly because of financial issues, only to have yet another person come forward who felt totally called to support the project. And though every single person who supported Bella was important, it was fascinating to read about the really big Hollywood insiders who threw themselves behind the movie.

Behind Bella is a beautiful book for any coffee table or bookshelf. It's eye-catching — full of gorgeous photos of the people involved in the movie at various stages of filming and promotion, and many of the Bella players with Hollywood celebrities! It's inspiring — quotes like "Bella stands as a beautiful example of what can happen when we say yes to God, and how love can transform lives" (preface) and "This movie tells the story of the laying-down-your-life kind of love" (Kathy Lee Gifford, p. 77) have stayed with me since reading them.

And it tells the "rest" of the Bella story: "As this book goes to press, the filmmakers were aware of at least fifteen Bella babies — children who exist as a result of their mothers who decided not to abort their children after seeing the movie" (128). Nearly ten of these stories are told in the pages of Behind Bella.

In his 2007 encyclical Spe Salvi, Pope Benedict wrote, "To come to know God — the true God — means to receive hope" (no.3). Behind Bella captures in print and binding the reality of hope given and received through encountering God in others.

Food fights

2009-05-21T15:06:00.003-04:00

I read this post over on Kate Wicker's blog this morning, and have been mulling and mulling over this bit ever since:

When I was loading the kids in the van, Madeline asked what I'd be making them for lunch.

"How about some hummus wraps? Oh wait. I forgot the wraps," I said.

"Go back and get some," Madeline said.

"I can't." And I really couldn't. I just did not have the stamina to unload the kids and venture back into Groceryland.

"Pleassseeee."

"No, I'm sorry. I'll make peanut butter smoothies instead."

No use. The floodgates opened. "No!!!! I want hummus wraps with veggies!" Loud, desperate wailing ensued.

Now, I'm pretty happy with most of the ways I mother. I like that the boys sleep well at night, behave fairly well much of the time, say their prayers, behave decently in church, get along with each other okay, and get A-pluses from the pediatrician health-wise every time we go.

But I am at a total loss when it comes to good eating habits.

When Martin was a baby, I spent a lot of time working on him understanding that he had to eat his meal. Then I would try to do my part by offering different foods to him to see what he liked and didn't like, and try to create meals that wouldn't be terribly burdensome for either of us. It worked pretty well -- he will currently (age 4) eat basically anything we ask him to, though often it's with a long-suffering look on his face, and sometimes a gag or two.

So, okay, I have a picky eater who eats what we ask of him nonetheless. I can work with that. I let him eat whatever he'd like, within reason, for breakfast and lunch (usually it's bread and cheese, not in a sandwich -- side-by-side on the plate -- for lunch, and toast with cheese melted on it for breakfast), and then I insist that he eat what I make for him for dinner, which is always a kid-friendly meal (from my perspective). I also insist that he eat applesauce (unsweetened) with each meal which, thank goodness, all three of the boys have always loved.

I don't like that he only wants bread and cheese all the time, but our pediatrician said it was fine ("It won't kill him," were his exact words), and it's not really all that bad a meal -- bread, cheese, applesauce. Recently, I have been insisting on a piece of meat with his meal -- some cut-up chicken (with a dipping sauce if he'd like), a piece of bologna, some leftover hamburger or hot dog -- something to mix it up a little and get some other flavors in there.

So with Jordy, I did something similar -- I tried to expose him to lots of things, and then work with what he likes best for breakfast and lunch. He prefers toast with butter for breakfast, and peanut butter and jam for lunch. Every day. Also with applesauce. (Or bananas -- this is one very big triumph -- Jordy LOVES bananas! All the time! So I buy them all the time, and he doesn't have to have apple sauce if he has a banana.) But, unlike Martin, Jordy REFUSES to eat what I make for dinner. And it's really really frustrating. What child doesn't like pasta? Pizza? Chicken fingers? Hamburgers? He used to love meatballs and hot dogs, so I made those a lot, but now he doesn't seem to like them as much either, and really -- how often can the whole family eat meatballs and hot dogs for dinner? So, since he's only two, I've taken to insisting he eat one bite of dinner, and then I'll give him Cheerios and milk (which he also likes). And recently, he doesn't seem to like toast or pb&j so much either, so I'm at a total loss about what to give him. (He has started to like cheese, though, which he never did, and last night he had crackers and cheese and apple sauce for dinner -- not too bad!)

And little Louis, who has been doing so great food-wise, sooo much better than his older brothers at trying and liking new things, has, in the past few days, decided he doesn't like anything except graham crackers and apple sauce. I've actually reverted to mixing some of our dinner, chopped fine, with rice cereal, just so he'll eat it, and you know what he does? He tumbles it around in his mouth, swallows the rice cereal, and pushes the "real" food out of his mouth and down his chin.

What is with my kids??!!

Now, granted, I have some food issues of my own, which I'm sure influence the boys, even though I try not to let them. I've been allergic to most fresh fruits and vegetables since the onset of my allergies when I was 13. My allergy shots have recently allowed me to eat things I haven't been able to for a long time, but on the whole I'm very wary of fresh fruits and vegetables for the boys (that swelling-throat thing is scary!), and I don't buy them for myself, so we never really have them around anyway.

I've never liked vegetables. Don't worry -- I'm a big girl about it -- I eat my veggies with gusto in front of the boys, and when they tell me they don't want to eat them because they don't like them, I tell them I don't like them either but that I eat them because they're good for me. But I'm still convinced there's some body language or something I give off when I'm giving the boys vegetables that turns them off to them. Maybe also the fact that many times I decide apple sauce is good enough, and I don't need to make a veggie to go with dinner.

Clearly, though, something I'm doing is wrong. I know some experts say you should never force your child to eat ... but Jordy and Louie are too young to go to bed without dinner. They say you should let your child experiment with feeding him/herself ... well, I wasn't a fan of that idea when Martin was a baby, as I hated the idea of a mess, so I never let him do that, though I have let Jordy and Louie do more of that ... and who are the kids with the biggest aversions to food? The ones I let experiment with self-feeding! I've tried making fun dips for vegetables and meat, to no avail. I've tried asking them what they'd like to eat, and having them help me -- like when Martin excitedly picked chives from our yard last week, and I suggested we make an onion-and-chive dip, and he got all excited, and helped me with it, and then at dinnertime told me, "I don't like onion dip" and refused to try it. Or when Jordy asked for meatballs and then decided, at dinnertime, that he didn't actually want to eat them. I've walked slowly through the produce aisle with them at the store, pointing out different fruits and vegetables, answering their interested questions, and buying any kind of fruit or vegetable they wanted (one at a time) with the caveat that they had to try at least one bite. We've tried this several times, and each time Martin takes one tiny bite, shudders, and refuses more, and Jordy puts his head back and wails because he doesn't want to.

And Kate Wicker's four-year-old wails that she can't have hummus wraps with veggies. My cousin's daughter loved edamame as a baby and still loves it (she's 3). Gwyneth Paltrow's kids apparently go gaga over roasted carrots cut in the shape of french fries. I hear about my friends' children eating things like avocado and couscous and broccoli (happily!) and wonder what is wrong here?

So if anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Really.

Yes! Exactly!

2009-05-19T22:44:00.002-04:00

Another articulate, intelligent, and thoughtful post from Suzanne Temple on marriage and family planning (a follow-up to the one I linked to last week). I especially loved this: "What she didn't know was that I don't need her to stand up for me. I don't need to stand up for myself. There is no warfare here. What she revealed is that there is some kind of warfare between man and woman in her mind and I could see the other women agreed ... I don't think it helps women to think this way at all."

Great post from Suzanne Temple

2009-05-12T15:12:00.002-04:00

I loved this post today over at Blessed Among Men. Do read the whole thing, if you have the time, but I just wanted to point out one thing here -- Suzanne related how she told some ladies that she gets flowers from her husband often, and the women replied that he should give her flowers often, that it's the "least he could do," which confused Suzanne, who revels in and loves her life as a wife and mom (to six boys), and feels humbled by the way they love her in return. Her husband commented that the women's response portrayed the "idea that [her husband's] good and the good of the children are somehow opposed to [Suzanne's] good." I thought that was particularly well worded and insightful, especially within the context of the rest of the post.